(male narrator) Previously on "Lois & Clark.."
And I just know that something bad is gonna
happen and mess up our wedding.
You're the man I never thought I'd meet.
(man on TV) 'Prison authorities released Lex Luthor this morning.'
(Lois) Clark and I are working on a story about some stolen frogs
that are used in cloning.
They have a very fast metabolism
due to some unusual enzymes they have
which makes them hungry most of the time.
(Lois) 'He's a clone.'
(Clark) 'The only thing we have to do today is get married.'
I pronounce you husband and wife.
This time tomorrow, we'll be in Hawaii.
Is everything alright?
Stand by to be stunned..
Hello, Mrs. Kent.
We have been through so much..
...to get to this place.
But none of that matters.
It's perfect.
Are you as tired as I am?
What?
Oh, it's just the last few days
with all the wedding preparations
and everything, I'm just exhausted.
I'm not that tired.
Oh, Clark.
I'm sorry.
I just don't think I can keep my eyes open.
Mm, good night.
Lois?
Goodnight.
(Lex) 'Welcome to your new home.'
Oh, I know it doesn't look like much
but I'm sure you'll find it cozy.
The whole time I was away I was consumed
by the memory of your beauty.
I can assure you..
'...the memory did not do you justice.'
(Clark) 'Lois? You out there?'
Hi.
Would you like some coffee?
'I know you like coffee.'
'It's one of the many many things I know about you.'
Yeah, great.
Lois, can we talk about last night?
Warmer than normal for this time of year.
Well, it depends on how you define warm.
Where are the cups? Where are the cups? Where are they?
Oh, they're right over there. To the right.
We switched them around a couple of weeks ago.
Don't you remember?
Of course, I remember. Why wouldn't I remember?
To the right, you say.
Oh, yes, there they are
just where I left them.
Lois, we waited
and waited
for our honeymoon night for a long time
because we wanted it to be..
...one of the most special and memorable
nights of our lives.
Are you saying it wasn't?
- You fell asleep. - I was tired.
(Clark) 'I understand that.'
'I just..'
I just hope that it wasn't something else.
- That's all. - Of course not.
Honey, it was just a big day for me
lots of pressure.
Uh, well, okay. You're right. You're right.
Things will just get better when we get to Hawaii.
Oh, that's another thing. I canceled the hotel in Hawaii.
What?
Well, with Lex Luthor on the loose
I didn't think it was a good time to leave the paper.
I didn't think you'd mind.
Lois, this is the kind of thing that we should
talk about first.
Is it? How would I know? I've never been married.
- You have to give me time. - We both need time.
That's why I think Hawaii is such a good idea.
Honey, you don't wanna make me unhappy do you?
It's a big adjustment and..
I feel insecure.
I don't wanna leave town.
Lois, are you alright?
(Lex) 'Alright, let's make a deal. I'll lower your gag.'
But if you so much as breathe the name Superman
I'll paralyze your vocal cords.
Now, I can't get fairer than that.
Now, let's hear that lilting voice.
You sick, twisted, disgusting sociopath.
Oh, you finishing-school girls.
Lex, they're scouring the country for you.
Your only chance is to turn yourself in
and finish your time.
I was doing a double life sentence.
You can catch up on your reading.
My Lois turned cruel?
Well, see life in this ugly city will do that.
You'll be more chipper in the alps.
- The alps? - Yes.
I have a windowless fortress in a mountain.
You can scream Superman all-day long
but it'll get boring.
Why?
Why would you want me? I'm marrying another man.
Well, yes, but you almost married me
so, obviously you're flexible.
Lois..
Some component in that brain of yours
finds me irresistible.
Now, together, we will find that little clump of cells..
...and awaken it.
Don't ever do that again.
Well, things changed while I was away?
People tied up in chairs have room to negotiate?
(female #1) 'Lex?'
- Oh, my God! - What do you want?
You didn't tell me about the cups.
(Lex) 'What cups? What are you talking about?'
Lex, is this who Clark married--
They moved the cups, Lex--
What have you done?
And for this you deserted your post?
I might make other mistakes.
But you won't because
Clark isn't gonna suspect anything
until she's out of the country, is he?
And because your gonna find out
everything you can about Clarks friend Superman
aren't you anything that will help me destroy him.
Yes, Lex.
Now...go make Clark happy.
But I don't like him. All those muscles..
He's not my type.
You don't have a type.
You've been alive for nine days.
Now, look, I'm the one that wrote the checks
that had you made.
I am God!
God will smite you down!
What's "smite" mean?
Get out of here.
[chuckling] It's such perfect revenge
that Clark Kent is married to that.
'Oh..'
Now, please don't do that.
I can't bear it.
Clark and I..
...thought this would be the happiest time of our lives.
Oh, but you can be happy, Lois.
You just have to keep an open mind.
Jimmy, what are you doing with Lois's computer?
Well, Lois is the expert on Lex Luthor, right, chief?
So, I'm pulling up her Lex files.
Maybe there's some kinda clue to where he's hiding out.
Now, that's a good idea.
Boy, do I envy Lois and Clark right now.
You know that wedding that was
the most romantic shindig I ever saw.
- Whoa. - What?
Did you know Lois is writing a novel?
"The True Amazing Adventures of Wanda Detroit."
'Looks like she was writing it a couple of years back'
and forgot it was here.
Well, come on, Jimmy just, uh
pull up the Luthor file.
"Wanda Detroit is my name.
"'I sing for drinks down at the dock.'
"'But it wasn't always like this.'
"I taunted him with my smoldering smile.
- Heh! I knew Clark--" - Clark?
Oh, man. This is way psychological.
This is none of our business.
Lois?
(Lois) 'Hi.'
'I have had the best day.'
What do you think?
Uh, well, it's, it's different.
Uh, but nice. I mean, it's-it's very nice.
Lois, uh, can we afford all this?
(Lois) 'Oh, please, don't be a drag.'
I've been doing this all day. It's hard work.
Well, if it makes you happy
it makes me happy.
I thought I'd whip up some dinner
crack open a bottle of wine.
Our first romantic evening at home.
I kind of thought we'd gotten off track and..
I mean, uh, we're okay, right?
What makes you ask that?
I'm keeping you happy, right?
- You are happy? - Yeah, I'm happy.
Except one thing.
Ooh.
Uh..
About Superman.
What?
Well, I-I was just thinking
that tonight would be perfect if Superman were here.
You want Superman here?
I sure do.
Huh, well, I suppose that could be arranged
if that's what you really want.
Oh, it really is.
Let's just see if I can get a hold of him.
You..
You're...Superman!
Well, yeah, Lois.
I mean, uh, ha..
You're Superman.
Of course. You're Superman.
How about some dinner?
I'm Mrs. Superman!
Oh, I can have anything I want.
Cool.
I had that outfit made for you
when we planned our wedding.
'I'm very pleased you decided to wear it.'
You were threatening me with a hypodermic needle.
It seemed like the thing to do.
(Lex) 'Well, forgive me if I stare but, as it was in our past'
your restless beauty stuns me.
The fire in your eye..
...the pallor in your cheek..
...the sultry curl of your lip.
It's nausea.
Do you know why I suffer such
castigation at your hands?
Hmm?
Because, in a few hours
we'll be sealed away in my fortress in the Alps.
You see once my name and character
were branded criminal, my outcast status
allowed the true Lex to blossom.
I was relieved at all pretense at respectability.
I may be starting over but on terms far easier to stomach
an empire of pure evil created solely for the enrichment
and glorification of us.
You're insane.
You're melting already.
And eventually, you'll acclimate yourself
to the seductive..
...misuse of power.
Every lord needs a lady.
Every poet, a muse.
You'll be by my side, Lois..
...where you've always belonged..
...forever.
Let's just get these gifts sorted
so the kids can return from their honeymoon
to an organized place.
Clark? What are you doing here?
Here?
Oh, oh, you-you mean here, here now.
Uh, well, there was a tidal wave in the Philippines
that needed looking into, so..
Oh, you and Lois had a fight.
Well, don't let it get you down, son.
Emotions run high on a honeymoon.
Both good and bad sparks are gonna fly.
I wish.
Honey, you know you can talk to us about anything right?
What's on your mind?
Christmas-tree lights.
Sorry?
You know how ...when the holidays come up
and you're all excited about making your house
just explode with warmth and love
so you, you go out and you buy a new box of lights
and you hang them on the tree and
'you're just waiting for that burst of warmth and love'
and then you plug them in and..
...nothing happens.
- Nothing happens? - Nothing.
No sparks?
No flickering?
No electricity at all?
The power...is out.
The two of you have more electricity
than anyone I've ever seen and I think
we've pretty much beaten this metaphor to death.
I'm telling you, mom, it's like Lois is another person.
So, you're saying you're living with an impostor?
(Lex) 'Well, we have one quick stop to make'
before we board the plane.
We're knocking over a bank?
Do you recall the bank account that I opened up for you
in honor of our pending nuptials?
No.
Well, I deposited a little mad money in it
about 200 million dollars.
I've had 200 million dollars sitting around
all this time and I never knew it?
I needed some cash that was quickly available
and not traceable to me.
So, what if I refuse to go inside and withdraw it?
Then how do you get your blood money?
Um, simple send in the clone.
What?
I've rethought this.
I'm totally and completely bored with your controlling me.
It's totally and completely unfair.
[scoffs] So?
So, you get to go to Europe
and have fun and ski and have her
and I want something, too.
You're in no position--
I want to be left alone with Clark.
There are sides to him that I didn't know about before.
What are you talking about?
I have a secret. Heh-heh.
Well, actually, it's not my secret.
It's someone else's but it's, uh, super cool.
Know what I mean?
Look, if this is some little game that you're playing
I want to, I want..
Superman!
No! Super--
Loose lips.
Sink ships.
Shh.
So, no more spying for you, no more reporting in
oh, and I want all the different cable TV channels.
That's the deal.
I do not cut deals with clones.
Then I guess the money stays in the bank.
- Now, listen to me. - You don't wanna make a scene.
Do you?
Follow that clone.
Wretched, wretched, creature.
- Ah. - Oh! Gah!
Honey!
Honey, I need two dollars for a frozen yogurt.
Lois, you know you can't call me honey in public
and I'm a little bit busy right now.
Superman, two people are trapped in one of the subway cars.
- Are you okay? - Thank you, Superman.
You're ignoring me. I hate that.
I'm not ignoring you. I just had some lives to save.
You never have any time for me.
Maybe I should just move to L.A. and become a supermodel.
Su.. Su..
I always have time for you.
- 'Superman! Help!' - Except now.
(male #1) 'Lady, you alright?'
That's my twin sister Lois.
Lois, let me get you to a doctor.
Lois?
What are you looking at? She's fine.
Nothing personal.
There's just not enough room in the world for both of us.
Stop!
I need a lift.
It's life or death.
Red's Dockside Plumbing.
Are you okay?
Looks like.
I'm Red Dixon.
And you're..
Oh, come on, you got a name, don't you?
I mean everyone's got a name.
Are you from around here? Me, I'm from Dallas.
- Detroit. - Oh, Detroit.
- You're from Detroit. - No.
No, that's my name.
'Detroit.'
Wanda Detroit.
Pleased to meet ya, sugar.
(Jimmy) "'I'll call you sometime, Wanda'
"'Clark said as he disappeared for the millionth time.'
"He had a secret he was hiding I was sure of it.
He made me angry like no other man could."
Wow, she must have been steamed the day she wrote this.
- Hello. - Lois, uh..
- Jimmy. - I-I can explain this.
See, I, see I-I accidentally..
I have been shopping all day.
Clark doesn't understand what hard work that is.
Jimmy..
Have I ever told you how attractive you are?
What? Um, no.
No, you haven't. Thank you.
Well, you certainly are.
Free for lunch?
We could go out for frog legs. Umm.
Uh, I've-I've got to work.
Uh, Lois.
I read your book.
What book?
Oh. Oh, my book.
Would you like me to autograph it?
No. It's, it's on your computer.
You, uh, you wrote it two years ago.
Chief, was Lois writing a book two years ago?
Oh, yeah, we, uh, sort of stumbled across it.
She would remember something like that.
Uh, excuse me?
Chief, this company ski trip.
Yeah, that was just before you started.
Didn't Lois break her right ankle on this trip?
Oh, she sure did I dragged her off the mountain myself.
The language that came out of that woman's mouth.
When a break heals, there's a scar left on the bone?
Oh, yeah, yeah, bone's often stronger than before the..
Uh.. Huh.
You never broke your ankle.
So?
Boy, there's just no pleasing you.
I x-rayed your ankle. And you never broke it.
- What are you talking about? - Lois did.
Where is she?
- Honey. - You are not my wife!
I may not be the wife that you were hoping for but I'm trying.
Who sent you, huh? Lex? Where's Lois?
Clark, stop it! You're scaring me!
- Hey, C.K., you alright? - Jimmy.
I don't know what's gotten into him. He's lost his mind.
You are not Lois. Now, where is she?
- Clark! - Son, son, take it easy.
Chief, this is not Lois.
What would make you say a thing like that?
Yes, Clark.
What would make you say a thing like that?
Thank you.
Oh, what a set of lungs.
I told you you'd like her.
So, Bibbo, do I keep the gig or not?
Look at you when you first came in here
you looked like you'd been hit by a car.
Yeah. A car called life.
You think I ain't played Vegas?
You think I ain't played New York?
I dated a duke, doggone it
but then one day the liquor and the cigarettes
they catch up to you and you end up in joints like this
singing for palookas like you.
That's the saddest story I ever heard.
My life reads like a bad novel.
(Bibbo) 'Wanda, you got a job here'
for as long as you want it.
Put her there.
You know, if you're not doing anything for dinner..
You know, kid, I like ya
but I'm poison.
Trouble sticks to me like stink on old fish.
Do yourself a favor.
Forget me.
Wanda, Wanda.
Life is a long, lonely road to be traveling solo.
You mean to tell me you ain't got nobody?
You know, Bibbo, it's weird.
I got this feeling there is someone out there.
I just don't know who.
Where is she?
My offer still stands.
No, you don't make deals with me, frog eater.
You think I won't snap this traitorous little neck?
I'm at a rock bottom!
The only thing I care about in this miserable existence
is the woman I love
and neither you nor any force of nature
is going to keep me from her.
Let go of me.
What have you done with her?
I lost her.
Your precious is out there somewhere.
Don't worry. I'll find her.
You most certainly will.
- Find her and kill her. - No.
What are you doing?
What do you think I am, that wimp?
Lois Lane?
I'm a girl who gets what she wants
and I want Clark.
This is absurd.
I am the creator.
You are the creature.
Now, I command you to give me the gun.
[laughs] Don't be ridiculous.
If I give you the gun, I can't shoot Lois.
Duh.
You're not going to shoot Lois.
You're not going to shoot me. You're going to give me the gun.
Ah! You shot me!
Ah!
Toots, these eyes haven't shed a tear in 30 years
but you almost got to me that time.
Let me get you a brew, Wanda.
Sure, what's another nail in the coffin?
You know, the kid is dying to ask you out.
Why don't you cut him a break?
Look, if you really like him
you tell him to keep his distance.
I got this crazy chick looking to kill me.
And I can't even go to the cops
'cause they're looking for me.
Come on, Wanda, not you.
I was stupid.
I made a fool of myself over...him.
Him who?
His name's Clark.
I always thought of men as paper napkins.
You pig out, clean up the mess, toss them.
This guy actually got to me.
Clark...he had a secret he was hiding
and I was sure of it.
He made me angry like no other man could.
What kind of a secret, Wanda?
Whenever we were together
he would just take off.
No explanation.
I'd be right on the edge of pouring my heart out
and bam he'd have something urgent to do.
Turns out he was knocking over gas stations.
Left me in the car with a trunkful of cash
and 30 state troopers on my tail.
What's this Clark look like?
We could be on the lookout.
Funny..
I can't picture him.
All I see in my head are a bunch of words.
Appears we both have our hands full.
Do you know how easily I could kill you?
- Probably. - Probably not.
Unfortunately, we need each other.
What have you done with her? Huh?
Where is she?
I replaced her just before the wedding.
What? You sent that thing to be with me?
Where is Lois?
I lost her.
You lost her?
Kent, you must hate me with
more hate than you thought possible
but there's a larger issue.
The clone's gotten it into her head to destroy Lois.
What?
The replicants are childish by nature.
They're always throwing tantrums as you can see.
Well, she's decided that she wants you
and needs to eliminate the competition.
I can guarantee you ...she means business.
What are you doing, calling the police?
What are you gonna.. Send me back to prison?
Kent, the clock's ticking. We need each other.
I know that clone's every move.
And you, you're the only man on earth
who wants to find Lois as much as I do.
(woman on phone) '911 emergency.'
'Hello.'
I guarantee you
if anything has happened to Lois--
We're wasting time.
The creature may have already found her.
(Wanda) 'That's her.'
'That's the crazy woman who looks just like me.'
And you still don't know why she wants to kill you?
[sighs] Life's been tough.
Guess I ruffled some feathers along the way.
I think it's time for me to move on.
You gave her what?
A simple injection to keep her from speaking.
It's possibly why you haven't heard from her.
Lois would move heaven and earth to contact me.
I know Lois.
Lest you forget again she was once my intended.
The fact that I know some aspects of her and you know
others can be an asset in our search.
- When did you last see her? - Outside a bank.
She'd just kicked me in the jaw.
- That's Lois. - She's an amazing woman.
Never known anyone like her.
- Fearless. - Stupidly so at times.
I tried to get her to take it easy, but..
She won't listen.
And when she's sad..
When she cries..
You wanna die.
Tell me about it.
I'll help you find her, Kent.
In this one instance..
...you can trust me.
C.K., some guy just showed up at the Planet.
- What-what guy? - Red something or other.
Anyways when you told us Lois was missing
we ran her picture on the front page.
This red he calls up says there's something
we need to know about Lois lane.
That would be?
Red says that Lois is trying to
kill his new girlfriend.
And she would be..
- Wanda Detroit. - Who is.
The heroine of Lois' secret novel.
Lois is somewhere acting like the heroine of her secret novel?
Wanda Detroit.
Alright, l-l-look, okay.
Wanda's got this boyfriend, real jerk.
His name's Clark. He's elusive, secretive.
She must have written that when she was mad at me.
Anyways there's this other dude
who she's totally in love with her hero
'she'd do anything for him.'
Only he wants nothing to do with her, right.
His name's Kent.
But the thing about Lois's brain is
it sure is filled with a lot of you.
- Where can I find her? - Uh, down at the docks.
She's, uh, singing at a dive called the Ace O' Clubs.
- Jimmy, thanks. - Wait, take me with--
I can't.
Luthor!
We're gonna miss you, Wanda.
You're really stacked.
You enchant the clientele.
Gotta keep moving.
Honky-tonk bars and blues guitars.
Story of my life.
I'm gonna kiss the cook goodbye.
And what can I offer you today?
Information.
The capital of Connecticut is Hartford.
I'm from the Daily Planet.
The food critic! At last.
No, I'm a reporter and I'm a friend of, Lo, of, uh
of Wanda Detroit's.
Maybe you can get a note to her.
Eh, alright.
Uh, what's your name?
- Clark. - Clark?
What'd you say your name was again, buddy?
Clark.
Bibbo, this is the creep who's been hounding Wanda.
I've got one thing to say to you, buddy.
- Yeah? - Ow! Oh.
Maybe this'll teach you to bother Wanda.
Guys.
- You. - Yeah.
Who are you?
Oh, like you don't know.
We have the same boyfriend.
Look, kid, I doubt we draw from the same date pool.
- Who's your boyfriend? - Like you don't know.
I've decided being Mrs. Clark Kent is really cool
and you being alive is a total drag, so..
Now, wait a minute.
Angel, it's me
'the man you love.'
Wanda, it's Kent.
You're Kent?
The man you love and thought you couldn't have.
Well, good news...you can.
I sure hope this isn't a dream.
It's a dream come true.
Only one person stands in our way.
I know, I know, Clark is in there.
He's got it in his crazed head
that I'm the one that's no good for you.
But everything will be fine if you do exactly as I say.
Guys, I just need some information.
Guys, hello, guys. Come on.
Please, I give.
If you come back, there's more where that came from.
Yeah.
I don't know if I can do what you want.
Of course you can. You're a thespian.
What's going on?
Why did I trust you? Even for a second?
Just trying to protect her..
- Clark. - Clark?
Lois, are you alright?
- You are alright, right? - Clark, we have to talk.
Yeah, let's get you safe first.
I'm safe now...with Lex.
Wa-what are you talking about?
Clark, we've been saved from a horrible mistake.
What mistake?
Getting married.
I had doubts ...but I was afraid to
disappoint you, our parents.
I couldn't even face you, so
that's why I hid here pretending to be Wanda
but the truth is that I'm just not the type to get married.
I need to go away and sort things out.
Go? Where?
Wherever Lex takes me.
Seeing him again has brought back all my old feelings.
- What old feelings? - I love him.
Lois, you don't mean this.
What about...me?
I don't love you.
Now, Clark, I'm leaving.
And if you love me as much as you say you do
you'll just let me go.
Tough break, old man.
And I hope you handle it with dignity.
I don't know yet what you've done to her, but I'll find out
and I will bring Lois back.
If I have to go right through you to do it, I will.
- I promise you. - My, my.
That sounds like a threat, Clark.
My woman doesn't take kindly to threats.
My dear, you were magnificent.
I tell ya, I could have been an actress.
Who is this Lois anyway?
Someone better off forgotten.
Well, I guess it's just you and me.