- 'Oh!' - 'Fine.'
- You're cutting it close. - I've still got 8 minutes.
- What did I get him? - Checked suspenders.
- You remember the card? - Oh, no!
Who's your buddy, huh, who's your pal?
I am, right?
How many fingers am I holdin' up?
Good morning, Lois.
- You're late. - Good morning, Clark.
So what did you get him?
Checked suspenders.
Didn't you get him those last year?
Yeah. He liked 'em, didn't he?
Hello. He-he. Excuse me. I am H. G. Wells.
It's quite festive here, you know.
Well, anyway, uh, I've run into a spot of trouble.
You see, I've been travelling with a companion
in my time machine, and we've just come back from the future.
Phew! Ha-ha-ha!
Well, I-I-I've left him in the park actually.
If this is a gag, you're dead.
So we stopped here because--
I'm sorry, sir. We're really busy this morning
so we're gonna have to wrap this up.
See, time travel, it's not possible.
H. G. Wells wrote fiction and he died in 1946.
I know you're Superman and I need your help.
What, what'd he say?
I said..
...if I could just have a moment of Mr. Kent's time
all his doubts will be quelled.
And perhaps, by meeting my companion from the future?
[nervously chuckling] Yes.
Yes. Quite.
Look, Lois, there's no reason for both of us to go.
There's no reason for one of us to go.
So what did he really say to you, Clark?
And if you really have a man from the future with you
why did you leave him in the park?
Oh, yes. Well, I didn't want him to see the city.
You see, the 22nd century
is a peaceful, harmonious Utopia.
No violence, no crime.
Without preparation, poor Tempus would be horrified
by the savagery of the 1990's. Oh! Oh.
[chuckling] Whoo!
Oh, yes. Yes, yes, quite.
(male #1) 'Hey, the most beautiful women in Metropolis right here..'
(male #2) 'Right here! Have a good time..'
Hey, how you doing?
Hey, I've got something for you.
(male #3) 'Come on, give me your money, man!'
- 'Give it up! Shut up!' - 'Help!'
(male #4) 'Hand it over!'
Come on! Come on!
No! No! Help!
What is this?
What just happened here is called a "Mugging"?
[nervous chuckling] No kidding. Took everything, but my watch.
Not a very successful mugging, was it?
Let's see if I can do better.
Excellent! I just mugged you.
Are you out of your mind?
No, my century.
Oh, no, no! Don't!
And I love it!
So, why did you bring this Tempus
with you back from the future?
Well, he volunteered actually.
You see I have.. Whoo! Whoo!
[laughing] Sort of a, a club
of fellow inventors back in England
and I've never been quite able to convince them
that my time machine was functional.
So, I wanted to bring Tempus back as proof.
Oh. What's this?
'Yes, tea, coffee..'
I say we cut our losses.
Good idea. Why don't you go back to the office?
How does it work? Yeah, steam power.
That's quite good, you know?
What is this? Oops! Oh, so sorry.
You actually believe this guy?
No, I'm just..
- What? - Curious.
So am I. How did he get your interest all of a sudden?
- What did he say? - Yeah..
Miss Lane, there's something you might find interesting.
Utopia was founded by Superman's descendants.
Superman's descendants, he got married?
Oh, yes, yes, yes. Yes, quite.
Oh, here. Shall we?
And they based their whole society
on the values and principles that he lived by.
- So who did he marry? - Oh, no, no, no, Miss Lane.
[laughing] That might be giving a bit too much away.
Shall we?
'Well, there she is.'
So, where's your man from the future?
Oh, no, uh..
Well, he must have wanted to look around.
I hope he didn't go far.
I smell a con job.
Let me show you my, my problem
so perhaps, you can get word to Superman.
[chuckling] Now, to fully understand my predicament
you must first appreciate
the intricacy of the flux facilitator.
Here. Now..
'Quite proud of it, you know.
'There we go. Here we go.'
You got your shotguns, your long guns..
They are semi-automatics.
Semi-automatics.
My personal choice for self-protection.
I keep one here right under the cash box.
Gives the scum a real surprise if they try to rip me off.
Nine millimeter with a 32-shot staggered clip.
Spits out these puppies as fast as you can squeeze the trigger.
- Ah-huh. - Makes you someone to respect.
How do you load it?
Wham..
...bam...thank you, ma'am.
Tell me something.
Those chains you're wearing, are they real gold?
Twenty-four karat.
- May I? - Oh, be my guest.
Hey! What..
The chains, give them to me.
[sighing] I don't believe this.
And the ammunition belt, holster, extra clips, of course.
Excellent.
You are, you know, incredibly stupid.
- Bless you. - No!
Yes, yes, yes! That's...wonderful!
The inter-time continuum.
Uh, Lois, I'm gonna, I'm gonna call Jimmy
and tell him we're gonna be a little bit longer.
Clark.
He always does that.
Well, don't worry, my dear.
Some day you'll understand why.
- Are you alright? - Does it look like I'm alright?
Sorry. Who did this?
Some psycho about, about six foot three
wearing an aluminum suit, some heavy guns
and a selection of very tasteful gold chains for men.
- I'll send the police. - Yeah.
(Wells) 'At which point, you're in danger'
of a time-flow ripple.
Mr. Wells, what is it you're after exactly?
Oh. Quite, quite. Didn't I say?
- Fuel. - What kind of fuel?
Pure 24-karat gold.
[chuckling] You've got to be kidding.
- That's the best you could do? - Eh.. Miss Lane--
So, did you expect that we would just give you all our jewelry
or maybe, get Superman to dig you a mine?
Do I have "Sucker" stamped on my forehead?
Or maybe you think I'm the dumbest person on the planet.
Or I'm really H. G. Wells.
(male #5) 'He is.'
- Tempus. - Hello, Herb.
What're you doing with that horrible weapon?
I'm going on a trip
and you're driving.
Don't I know you?
I don't think so. Most of my friends are pro-gun control.
No, wait. Lois Lane.
Yes! I've seen the holograms.
Well, this is a special pleasure, Miss Lane.
I'm Tempus.
I'm from the future that you and Superman created.
Me and superman?
A world of peace, a world with no greed or crime.
A world so boring, you'd blow your brains out
but there are no guns.
You want to know the future, Miss Lane?
No one works, no one argues.
There are 9,000 channels and nothing on!
Well, I intend to do something about that.
Herb, set the time machine for Smallville..
...1966.
- Smallville? - No. W-w-we, we have no fuel.
We, we have fuel.
One of the many disadvantages of being from Utopia
is a complete lack of technological understanding.
I can't run this machine, but I can run this one.
Now, go.
Miss Lane, you seem like an attractive
and interesting woman.
'I'm almost sorry I'll be ruining your life.'
What are you talking about?
I'm going to kill Superman, of course.
Nobody can kill Superman.
Unless you could get hold of him
when he was a helpless little baby.
Gee, if only I had a time machine.
You ready, Herb?
'You see, Miss Lane, in a world with no superman'
there'll be no Utopia in the future
'just a lot of sex and violence..'
'...and me.'
I think somebody's gone back in time to kill you as a baby.
These must be the plans of the time machine.
Do you think you can build it?
It could take a few hours.
Now all we need is gold.
Unfortunately, I don't think we can afford to buy all we need
at current market prices, so...I'll be right back.
- Lois.. - Clark!
- That really was H. G. Wells-- - I know.
And he really had a man with him from the future
but Superman just flew off to get some--
I know. He gave me this. He told me all about it.
Well, where is he?
Uh, he, uh..
There's a volcano about to erupt in, uh, China.
He wants us to stop Tempus.
Us?
He said, "Time is of the essence."
Jump in.
I hope this thing works.
[sighs] Don't you think it's odd
that we're going to Smallville? That's your hometown.
That's right. Come on. Hey!
Hey! Yeah..
Smallville, 1966?
I don't think so.
- 'Unless that's Bob Dylan.' - Ah, there's no handle...
It isn't my fault you used an inferior grade of gold.
Obviously affected the time flux facilitator.
However..
...we are in Smallville.
But a 100 years early and out of fuel.
I'd almost think you did it on purpose, Herb
if I thought you had a spine.
- Well, let's go. - Where?
To see if they got any gold in this here town.
You look quite funny in that hat, you know.
It's Smallville!
Yeah, but the cars..
[sighing] And the clothes.
Clark.
Look at this.
It worked.
We're here. We're really here!
Do you realize what this means?
We could go anywhere.
We could be there when Columbus landed
or when Washington crossed the Delaware.
We could cover the greatest stories in history.
- Morning, Sam. - Hm. Hi.
Wonder what those two want.
They sure didn't ride all this way just for the pretzels.
Marshal Kent been in yet?
Ah! Oh..
Well, well..
Yee-haw.
Guess this is where we belly up to the bar and order.
Yes, quite. Hello. Good morning.
Herb?
Yes. I, I would like a spot of tea actually.
This is the red eye, mister. We serve whiskey. We serve beer.
Oh, yes, quite.
Another bottle.
That's snakebite rye. A dollar per.
Keep it in the back. I'll just be a sec.
- Herb? - Hm?
How many of these would it take to get out of here?
I don't know, two, 300?
Where can I get more of these?
Well, I got that one down at the bank.
A whole shipment just come in.
Go ahead and take it.
Really?
Of course, you got about five seconds to spend it.
Wait...I know you.
Well, you're not..
Yes!
Jesse James!
You better back that face right on up, mister.
I'm right, aren't I?
And that's your brother, Frank.
Well, you two are my inspiration!
I've read everything about you!
You must be here to rob the bank.
I don't recall you ever robbing a bank in Smallville.
Are you as good with a gun as they say you are?
Wasn't that something!
It really was. That was...quite good.
Well, you're good. You're really good.
You got a future.
'Not a very long one, unfortunately, and here's why.'
'See, no matter how good you are'
there's always somebody better.
To wit.
Now, uh...much as I like you both
if you and your brother, Frank have any ideas
about that bank full of gold..
...get in line.
You boys have something personal against this place?
Clark, wait. Look.
(Clark) '"Frontier Days, Great Smallville'
'Gold Robbery?"'
(Lois) 'It must be a reenactment.'
They're just dressed like Tempus and Wells.
But there was never any "Great Smallville Gold Robbery".
- Unless.. - Something went wrong..
- And they went to 1866. - And they needed gold.
[sighing] I still don't understand why we're in Smallville.
I-I think there was an early Superman sighting here.
Really? I never heard that.
Thanks, Mr. Mikita.
Would you get those tools on the way out, please?
(Mikita) 'Of course, Miss Martha.'
Maybe, I should have just put everybody away
instead of making them pay for damages.
If you arrested everybody who shot up my place
I'd be out of business in two weeks.
Jesse, it happens to every man once in a while.
Not to me.
Look, it's not your fault. His was just plain bigger.
Size never made no difference before.
You've gotta get your mind off this, Jesse
or it could affect your future performance.
Uh!
Well, now..
Here's a little something that ought to perk
a man's spirit right up.
Yeah, appreciate it.
- Anything diet? - Mm. Uh..
Uh, do you have real cola yet?
Hmm?
Just give me a sarsaparilla.
Mm-hmm.
If you're lookin' for work
that's not the kind of saloon I run.
- Clark, she looks just like-- - Uh, I know.
I don't believe it.
Clark, I think we're talking to your--
My great-great-grandparents.
- Now, wait a minute. - You're Miss Martha.
A-and, and Marshal Kent.
How many more weirdoes are we gonna get in here today?
Uh, weirdoes?
There were other strange people in here today?
Mm-hmm. The ones that did that.
Well, they've been here.
- So they're friends of yours? - No, uh, not exactly.
Uh, do you know where they are?
Gone.
Which is exactly where we'd like you..
...and the naked lady.
- Naked? - Oh, well, I'm not naked.
These are just new... fashions from France.
Do you have any idea where they are?
I think they had some banking business to do.
Jesse, you're sounding bitter.
We got to do something about this.
(Tempus) Keep those hands high and give me the gold.
I think I know where they are.
Um..
Bye.
Brother, you are right.
It's time to get back in the saddle.
Folks, this here's a holdup!
- Lois, what.. Go back inside. - I will not.
Tempus! Is this..
(Tempus) 'Shut up, Herb. You're boring me.
- Come on, let's go. - Wait.
Oh, no!
Those are your ancestors.
If something happens to them..
Stay here. I'll be right back.
But Tempus..
Oh, Marshal..
They hit you.
- Thank you, stranger. - My pleasure, ma'am.
- The marshal's been hit. - Is there a doctor in town?
He went back East. The closest doctor is Kansas City.
That's four days' ride.
Call the deputy, have him arrest these two men.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna take him to Kansas City.
(Tempus) 'Herb, would you work faster with a few bullets in you?'
(Wells) 'Really, Tempus, one could'
'become quite tired of your jokes.'
(Tempus) 'Trust me. I'm not joking.'
- Hurry. - Oh.
Miss Lane, what are you doing here?
Uh..
Well, I grabbed onto the back of this machine
before it, you know..
Poof.
Yes, yes, yes, quite.
I-I-If she did, she would've been caught
in the, the, uh, th-the "poof"
the-the inter-dimensional vortex.
- Yes. - And you came alone?
Yes.
Well, Lois Lane
independent career woman of the 1990's
you're about to be stranded in 1866.
Without the right to vote, own property
or write for a great metropolitan newspaper.
God, I love irony.
So sorry, Miss Lane. I wish I'd never invented this contraption.
Keep loading the gold.
If you want to kill Superman
I don't know why you're going to Smallville
or why 1966.
(Tempus) She doesn't know yet. Oh, this is good.
This is really good.
Um, Lois, did you know that in the future
you're revered at the same level as Superman?
Why, there are books about you, statues
an interactive game.. You're even a breakfast cereal.
- Really? - Yes.
But as much as everybody loves you
there is one question that keeps coming up.
How...dumb...was she?
Here. I'll show you what I mean.
Eh. Uh..
Look. I'm Clark Kent.
No! I'm Superman!
Mild-mannered reporter.
'Superhero!'
Hello!
Duh!
Clark Kent is Superman!
Well, that was worth the whole trip.
To actually meet the most galactically stupid woman
'who ever lived. Ha ha ha..'
Come on, Herb.
Clark and Superman are dead.
The future...belongs to me.
Lois? Lois, you're alright. I thought that--
And don't pretend that hurt...Superman.
It all started because I wanted to lead a normal life.
Friends, a job, a girl..
[sighs] Lois, I knew that I couldn't do that if everybody knew.
People would be mobbing me all the time.
[sighing] Lois, come on, you haven't said a word since 1866.
You are the lowest form of life imaginable.
Not what I was hoping for, but I guess it's a start.
You're a liar. There's nothing worse.
Lois, I did not lie to you.
I just told you certain facts
to keep you from finding out about certain other facts.
You know, you ought to run for president.
Oh, but you can't, you weren't born here.
Then again, you could just lie. Look at you right now.
Renting a car, that's a big, fat lie.
What do you need a car for? You're Superman.
Lois, I think we should keep as low a profile as we can.
Anything we change in our past could really affect our future.
Well, you always have an answer for everything.
You're good, Clark. You're really good.
No. Actually I'm not.
Lois..
...I have hated not being able to tell you this.
I mean, you think it was easy for me
sitting there and watch you swoon over Superman
at the same time ignoring me?
That's ridiculous. You are Superman.
[sighs] No. Lois, Superman is what I can do.
Clark is who I am.
And the closer we've gotten..
[sighs] ...the more I've wanted to explain this to you
but it just kept getting so complicated.
Well, you've obviously had more time to think about this
than I have, so why don't you answer one question for me?
How can I ever trust you again?
Glasses, secret identity..
...seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just like the history books said.
Yes, right down to the remnants of the exploding planet
sucked along the, the path of the ship here.
Otherwise known..
...as Kryptonite.
Open it.
(Wells) 'Oh, my.'
Hello, junior.
And it was partly for your protection.
Don't patronize me.
I'm not patronizing you.
If you knew and somebody found out that you knew
you'd have been a target.
What do you think I am, galactically stupid?
You are the smartest woman that I know.
And I never wanted to hurt you in any way.
Now, if what I did was wrong..
...then I apologize.
But I can't change what I've done.
Wait a minute.
- We're here. - Where?
This is Shuster's Field, where the ship landed. Come on.
I think we're early.
Mom and dad used to say that it was night
when they were driving along and they saw what they thought
looked like a meteor.
Here.
What?
Nothing.
Just all those times you pretended you couldn't hit
couldn't jump, couldn't open a peanut butter jar by yourself.
Lois, do the words "Let it go" mean anything to..
- Ow. - What?
I don't know.
I feel kind of weak, like there's Kryptonite around.
But that would mean that the ship
would already have to have landed..
Clark, look.
It can't be.
Tempus.
Where are we?
Well, if I remember my Kent history from college
this should be Rocky Cove, a nice, safe place
to spend some quality time with our child.
Just put him right there.
(Wells) 'Here, little one. Just rest.'
You know, I...I won't let you hurt him.
I will fight you with my last breath.
- Really? - I swear it.
Oh, dear..
Sorry. Can't have you swearing in front of the baby.
What are we gonna say?
You'll think of something. You're good at that.
[sighing] Yeah. Right.
"Hi, uh..
...did you find a baby in a spaceship?"
Hello.
Are you alright?
Oh. Yeah. He's just, uh, really tired.
We've been doing a lot of traveling.
Oh, well, I know just what'll fix you up.
Nothing like buttermilk for what ails you.
That's what my husband, Jonathan always says.
What am I being accused of saying?
Oh. Jeez! Oh, I'm-I'm really sorry.
It's just you both look so young.
Oh, it's alright. Don't worry about it.
Yeah, but I know how clean you like to keep things..
Um, what he means is that it's-it's obvious
that you keep your house as neat as a pin.
Uh, excuse me, folks. Uh, Martha.
Did you hear anything about Shuster selling his field?
- No. - That's odd.
'Cause I just saw a couple of weird-looking city fellas--
(Martha) 'Oh, now, Jonathan, let's not talk business.'
We have company. Come on.
This is my husband, Jonathan.
Now, what brings you two folks out this way?
Uh...well..
We were, um, uh..
Looking for something.
Like what?
You didn't happen to find a baby, did you?
No, Martha..
It's just I'm not able to have children.
We can't.
But I know that if I were to find a baby
I would be the most grateful woman in the world.
And the world's best mom.
Thank you.
How about some more buttermilk?
Oh, you've been very kind
but, uh, we're on sort of a tight schedule, aren't we?
Yeah. Uh, da..
Um, uh, sir. I'm sorry.
You were saying something about Shuster's Field?
Oh, you don't have to be polite.
Oh, he's not.
I mean, he is.
Uh, did you see some people there?
Uh, yeah. Uh, two city fellas.
I thought they were buyers. Weird-looking.
Do you know where they were headed?
They headed up to Rocky Cove on foot.
We'd better go.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Uh..
I hope you find who you're looking for.
You, too.
I don't know how I know this
but I don't think his color's quite right.
He's getting sick.
Don't worry.
I'll take good care of him.
- Are you okay? - Just tired.
I've never seen you look so pale, even from Kryptonite.
I'll be fine. I just need to rest a little bit.
Look, I'm sorry I was so hard on you before about..
...you know.
It must've been really hard all those years
having to hide and pretend.
Not being able to share.
I'm sorry you had to go through that alone.
I wasn't alone, Lois.
I always had my parents.
And you.
Maybe, there were a lot of things that I couldn't say
but there was nothing I couldn't feel.
I just got to wake up here.
You know, we're miles from the Kryptonite.
You shouldn't be feeling this.. Clark. Your hands.
(Clark) 'It's Tempus. He must be changing the past.'
Don't do this, Tempus.
What, Herb? I'm not doing a thing.
Does baby like his shiny new Kryptonite?
Huh? Well..
You just play with it all you want.
Over there.
What's happening to you?
In a minute, I-I won't even exist.
You're gonna have to go without me.
(Tempus) 'Won't be long now.'
You really think you can destroy Utopia by killing a child?
Well, as you can see, Herb, I'm giving it my best.
Oh, you're a fool.
A world of peace will always be man's ultimate goal.
Herb, did your books actually sell?
Because you're kind of a bore.
Which brings me to my next question.
What am I gonna do with you, huh?
I could just leave you here to starve, but..
No, you might get away, build another time machine.
Obviously, I've got to kill you. But how?
Something suitable, something ironic
like what I did to Lois. That was good.
I know. A Utopian execution.
I'll bore you to death.
How did you get here?
Another time machine.
Where is it? You will tell me.
You like violence so much? Come on, let's see what you got.
I hate to tell you, but you hit like a girl.
Miss Lane, the baby. The baby, is he, is he..
Oh. Oh, gosh.
I'm not very, I'm not very good with..
Oh, you will be. You will be, Miss Lane.
Just hold his, hold his head, yes. And keep him close.
Oh.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
- Show-off. - Clark?
- Are you alright? - I'm fine.
- I was so afraid that you-- - It's alright.
Everything's alright.
I couldn't stand the idea that I might lose you.
And I'd never get to tell you how much..
- I'd never get to say-- - Oh, please.
I'll go to jail, I'll strap myself into the electric chair.
Just don't make me listen to this.
It's almost night. I-I've got to go.
I've always wanted to do this in front of you.
- He looks like you. - I hope so.
Time to go, pal.
Now, I just need to show mom and dad where to find us.
Sit tight, little fella.
And they'll be here to get you.
Or us.
What was that?
Looked like a meteor, over in Shuster's Field.
My Lord.
Oh, Jonathan..
[whispering] Hi.
Who's the sweetest baby in the world?
There we go.
Hello, hello.
What's the matter, my dear?
You've been to the future, Mr. Wells.
Is it true what Tempus said about me?
Oh, yes. You're as highly revered as any woman in history.
Oh. No. I-I meant about..
...being galactically stupid.
No.
No, no, Miss Lane. Not stupid. Blind.
It's one of the many things that makes your story
so timeless, why children never tire of hearing it at bedtime
why, why parents never outgrow it..
...generation after generation
we're all blinded by love, Miss Lane.
Especially, that one great love
that changes us forever.
Oh, excuse me, but I'm in danger of choking on my own vomit.
Everything's alright. The Kents have the baby.
Oh, good, good, good.
Then we can start to make things right.
Superman, you and Lois meet me at the second time machine.
Where are you going?
To see to it, Mr. Tempus causes no more trouble.
Superman, as long as I have you here
just answer one thing for me.
Why tights? Why a cape?
You're a grown man. Don't you feel ridiculous?
My mother made it for me.
Well, Clark.
You got a little, um, schmutz here
on your..."S".
Is this gonna feel as weird to you as it does to me
knowing that you're Superman from now on?
Well, I'm afraid that can't be, Miss Lane.
Not just yet, anyway.
We've tampered with history enough.
It's a little bit late.
[chuckling] No, no, not at all.
I'll simply drop each of you back before I ever showed up.
'That way you'll both remember nothing'
and none of this will have ever happened.
Is that what you did with Tempus?
Oh, no. Mr. Tempus was such a lover of irony.
I decided to give him a lifetime of it.
- 'How so?' - 'By granting him his wish.'
'To live in a violent'
'hellish...dystopia.'
Miss Lane.
Take this, you loony!
You stupid hayseed, corn-sucking cow-lovers!
I don't belong here! I'm from the future!
I have to get out of here, so I can build
another time machine!
Hey! Is anybody listening to me?
Hey!
Oh!
- You're cutting it close. - I still got eight minutes.
What'd I get him? And don't tell me checked suspenders.
How'd you know?
- Good morning, Lois. - You're late.
Good morning, Clark.
I'm having the weirdest feeling of deja vu.
Don't tell me. You got him checked suspenders again.
How did you know?
You got him that last year, didn't you?
No, Clark. I'm serious.
Now, that you mention it, it does feel
like we've done all this before.
Oh, no. I forgot to get the card. Jimmy!
Oh. Here it is. How'd that get there?
- Clark. - You were holding it for me.
- It's my card. Remember? - No, I-I don't.
Come to think of it, I don't even like cards.
Just sort of slows down that whole getting
to the present thing. You know what I mean?
What?
I was just thinking..
(female #1) 'Sh-sh! Sh-sh! Here he comes, you guys. Come on!'
[sighs] Nah.
- Hey, everybody! - 'Surprise! Surprise!'
(male #6) 'Happy birthday, Perry!'
- 'Happy birthday.' - 'Happy birthday, Perry!'