1
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:04,129
[theme music playing]

2
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:13,430
[Niles] Calm down, dear.
No. calm down. Listen.

3
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,599
Take a left, then the second right.

4
00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:17,559
Then a left again.

5
00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:20,395
Okay, okay. Goodbye, sweetheart.

6
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:22,397
Maris lost again?

7
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:24,566
She wandered into the kitchen by mistake.

8
00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:26,318
I had to talk her back to the living room.

9
00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:28,153
Ah. [clears throat]

10
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,783
It's kind of busy.
Any chance of getting a table?

11
00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:33,825
Uh, not at the moment.

12
00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:36,411
The table by the window received
their check five minutes ago.

13
00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:38,664
But they've been just sitting there
yammering away.

14
00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:40,874
I've been shooting them dirty looks.
They haven't budged.

15
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,584
Oh, show me the look.

16
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:46,713
They're there for a while.

17
00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,174
Shall we go ahead and order?

18
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,343
Why not? Yes.
What are your coffees today?

19
00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:53,220
Zimbabwe and Kenya.

20
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:54,888
I'll have a Zimbabwe latte.

21
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,682
And I'll have a Kenya cappuccino.

22
00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,810
- So what's new?
- Well...

23
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:02,854
Yoshi, the gardener,
finally won the battle of the wills.

24
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,565
He got Maris to dig up her camellias

25
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,316
so he could put in
that precious Zen garden

26
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,151
he's been hocking us about
since last fall.

27
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,487
- How did it turn out?
- Oh, it's beautiful.

28
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,739
It's the perfect place for meditation.

29
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,367
Yesterday, I found Maris
smack dab in the middle

30
00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:16,952
sitting in the lotus position.

31
00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:18,078
Well, good for her.

32
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,247
Apparently,
it's bringing out her spiritual side.

33
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:21,248
I'm not so sure.

34
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:22,749
She was reading a Danielle Steele novel

35
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:25,085
and making a nail appointment
on her cellular phone.

36
00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:30,716
Do you realize that today marks a year
since I moved here from Boston?

37
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,634
Really? A year?

38
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,596
It seems like yesterday
Dad moved in with you.

39
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,055
Isn't it funny how two people can have

40
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,641
distinct opposite impressions
of the same event.

41
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:42,269
Look at them, just sitting there
like they own that table.

42
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,103
Mm.

43
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:46,565
- Maybe if we both give them the look.
- It's worth a try.

44
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[Niles] it worked.

45
00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:53,322
- It worked.
- Niles, I'll never doubt you again.

46
00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:01,288
Try the look on that table.

47
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,914
- I'm going to the men's room.
- All right.

48
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,297
- Maddening.
- What is it now?

49
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:12,674
They have a new moisturizer dispenser
in the men's room

50
00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,176
and the cream is too oily.

51
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,094
I had to re-wash my hands,
and wouldn't you know it,

52
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,555
that's when the hot-air hand dryer
chooses to break down.

53
00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,557
How do you get through the day?

54
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:25,270
Here you go, Zimbabwe and Kenya.

55
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:27,731
- Excuse me, did I say decaf?
- No, you didn't.

56
00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:30,359
Oh, I'm sorry.
If I drink the regular stuff,

57
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:33,153
it'll keep me tossing and turning
all through my brother's conversation.

58
00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:35,656
- [waitress] No problem.
- Thank you.

59
00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:38,367
It doesn't look like anybody's leaving.

60
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:39,701
Why don't we take a table outside?

61
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:42,204
Oh. Why not? I'm feeling alfresco.

62
00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:45,040
- Oh, how does Mrs. Fresco feel about that?
- [both laugh]

63
00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:00,347
You must be a riot on camping trips.

64
00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:03,475
- Would you like a...?
- No.

65
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:07,562
So, Frasier.

66
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:10,273
Now that chapter two of your life
is in full swing,

67
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mind if I asked you something?

68
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,068
No. Go right ahead.

69
00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:13,985
Are you happy?

70
00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,198
Did you hear the question?

71
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:21,743
Yes. I'm thinking.
It's a deceivingly complex question.

72
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:22,953
No, it's not.

73
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,287
- Yes, it is.
- It's not.

74
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:26,373
- Either you're happy or you're not.
- Are you happy?

75
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,208
No, but we're not talking about me.

76
00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:30,836
Let's just not gloss over that.

77
00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,921
You, my only brother,
just told me that you're not happy.

78
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:35,215
And it pains me to hear that. Why?

79
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,927
I was watching PBS
the other night in my study

80
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,596
and they were showing this documentary
on the Great Depression.

81
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:42,848
Vintage Steinbeck.

82
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:45,600
Desperately poor people
escaping the dust bowl.

83
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,895
Their meager possessions
strapped to rickety old trucks

84
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,398
heading to what they thought
was their salvation.

85
00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:54,151
Then there was this scene
of this scruffy little boy

86
00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:56,987
being handed a brand new pair of shoes
by the Salvation Army.

87
00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:01,742
Frasier, if you could have seen
the look on that boy's face.

88
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:05,704
It was a look of pure and utter happiness.

89
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,874
I have never experienced
that kind of happiness.

90
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,667
Not in my whole life.

91
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:14,171
Not even when I bought
these $400 Bruno Maglis.

92
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,383
- Do you like them?
- They're very nice.

93
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:19,509
What about the tassels?

94
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,511
I'm not really much of a tassel guy.

95
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,264
No. Neither am I.
But nevertheless, there they are.

96
00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:29,561
Oh, I have no reason to be unhappy.

97
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:31,646
I have my health.

98
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:34,065
I have a wonderful home, a beautiful wife.

99
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:35,484
Did your eyebrow just move?

100
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:37,110
I don't think so.

101
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,613
I have my practice.

102
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,740
Although lately,
I've lost track of the ideals

103
00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:43,575
that led me to psychiatry
in the first place.

104
00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:45,243
- Hm, yes.
- But look who I'm talking to.

105
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,746
Psychiatry's answer
to the drive-through window.

106
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,584
You know, sometimes I wonder

107
00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:55,003
if I'm not just in psychiatry
for the money.

108
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:57,339
Oh, I wouldn't say that's true.
If it were--

109
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,049
Oh.

110
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,926
What? What were you going to say?

111
00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:01,843
No, no. I'd rather not.

112
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:04,304
There's no need to, actually.
I know what you were getting at.

113
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,181
You've been wanting to ask me this
for years.

114
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,725
Did I marry Maris for the money?

115
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,062
I resent that.

116
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,689
I did not marry Maris for the money.

117
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,316
It's just a delightful bonus.

118
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,361
So you really do love her?

119
00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:21,446
Of course I love her.

120
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,240
But it's a different kind of love.

121
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,658
You mean it's not human?

122
00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:29,120
No.

123
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,665
No. I mean, it doesn't burn
with the passion and intensity

124
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:34,626
of a Tristan and Isolde.
It's more comfortable, more familiar.

125
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,295
Maris and I are old friends.

126
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:39,381
We can spend an afternoon together,

127
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:42,008
me at my jigsaw puzzle,
she at her autoharp.

128
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:48,557
Not a word spoken between us
and be perfectly content.

129
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:53,019
I'm told it was a lot like that
near the end in the Hitler household.

130
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,525
Oh, fine. Well, let's shift the subject
back to where it belongs.

131
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,861
This whole thing started with me
asking whether you were happy.

132
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,488
- Don't think about it. Just answer.
- Oh. Well...

133
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:04,447
[Roz] Hey, guys.

134
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,366
- Oh, hi, Roz.
- Hello, Roz.

135
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,409
What are you doing here?

136
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,370
Well, I always wanted
to learn to fly a jet.

137
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,581
And today they're offering a special
on jet flying lessons.

138
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,875
So I thought I'd come by
and take advantage of it.

139
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:18,253
- I came here to get coffee.
- [Frasier chuckles]

140
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,674
Thanks for stopping by.
I'd have been mad if you didn't.

141
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:25,969
I'm also meeting someone here.

142
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:27,929
Oh, let me guess, a man?

143
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:29,514
- Yes.
- Yes.

144
00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:32,309
The new guy from the news department,
Andy Winslow?

145
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:33,894
He's really cute.

146
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,730
He caught me checking him out when
he was bending over the water fountain.

147
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,398
Ah, love at first sight.

148
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:42,903
Anyway, he said, "Why don't we get some
coffee and get to know each other?"

149
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:43,987
I don't know,

150
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:47,324
I've got a strange feeling
that this guy might be the one.

151
00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:49,075
Oh, Roz, honey.

152
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:53,413
You say that about every guy you meet.
Let's just see if this one calls back.

153
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:57,751
Yeah, I guess.
You know, I don't think he's here yet.

154
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,045
I think I'll go snag a table.

155
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:00,879
Good luck.

156
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,256
- Bye, Roz.
- Yeah.

157
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,551
I don't think she likes me.

158
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:09,137
Niles, it isn't a question
of liking or not liking.

159
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,680
She despises you.

160
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,308
- Really?
- Mm.

161
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:14,935
Why should I warrant such strong emotions?

162
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,145
I barely acknowledge her existence.

163
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,230
You may be onto something there,
Sherlock.

164
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:29,240
She is comely in a back-alley sort of way.

165
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,202
Roz? Yes, she's very attractive.

166
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:34,287
Did you ever think about you two...?

167
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,330
Roz and me? Oh.

168
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,540
- Oh, no, no, no.
- Oh, come on.

169
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,334
You've never fantasized
about stealing away

170
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,461
- to some cheap little hotel with her?
- Oh, well,

171
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,129
I'm a man with normal urges.

172
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:47,467
And she does have a silk blouse
that falls open a bit

173
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,636
when she leans over the cart rack.
But, uh...

174
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,263
Oh, mixing work and romance...

175
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,598
I don't know. Is it ever worth it?

176
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:56,101
Don't ask me. You're the one
that looked down her blouse.

177
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,437
Decaf Zimbabwe latte.

178
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:02,065
- Is that non-fat milk?
- No.

179
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,650
Oh, I hate to be a bother.

180
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,819
It's just that I'm watching
my fat intake...

181
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:09,948
What is that, rain?

182
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,117
No. God is crying.

183
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:15,286
- Oh, can't I ask a simple question?
- Do you ask any other kind?

184
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:20,208
Hey, how the hell did she get a table?

185
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:24,254
Oh, Frasier. Frasier. There.

186
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:27,382
[Frasier] Oh.

187
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:28,925
Frasier. Frasier.

188
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,927
Oh. Yes. Oh, Niles. Niles. Niles.

189
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,345
Oh, good block.

190
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,724
Sorry. [laughs]

191
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,183
Good work there, Niles.

192
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,519
I think I just wanted it more than he did.

193
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,603
Yes.

194
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,440
[sighs]

195
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,566
Boy, it's really coming down.

196
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:50,280
[chuckles]

197
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,240
- What? What?
- Oh, it's just...

198
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,701
Something that happened the other morning.

199
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,703
I asked Dad to pass me a bran muffin.

200
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,913
You know what he said to me?

201
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:01,416
He said, "What's the magic word?"

202
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:02,751
You're kidding.

203
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:06,254
He didn't think it was very amusing
when I said "rest home." [laughs]

204
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:07,547
[laughing]

205
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,055
[Niles] Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

206
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,640
Look. That must be Roz's coffee companion.

207
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,767
Ah.

208
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,478
Wow. He's really handsome, isn't he?

209
00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:22,604
"Wow"?

210
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,147
Did you say "wow"?

211
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,441
Good Lord, I did.

212
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:29,235
I don't think I've ever said "wow"
describing another man before.

213
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,572
- I wonder if that means something.
- Oh, absolutely.

214
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,948
It means you're a gay man.

215
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,702
Your life with Maris is a big charade

216
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,829
and you should have
come out of the closet years ago.

217
00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,873
You want to tell Dad or shall I?

218
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,918
[Daphne speaking indistinctly]

219
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:49,464
This was stupid.
This whole idea was stupid, admit it.

220
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:52,008
It was not stupid.
You needed your exercise.

221
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:55,303
What was stupid was that you came out
without your bumbershoot.

222
00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:57,931
It's called an umbrella.
Speak English, can't you?

223
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,016
I'm sorry, sir, no dogs allowed.

224
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:02,268
- What?
- Oh, I'm sorry.

225
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:08,441
It's okay. It's okay.

226
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,318
- Oh, Niles?
- Hello, Dad.

227
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,823
So, Dad, what are you two doing here?

228
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:17,158
Well, I thought we needed some exercise.

229
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:20,954
And I had to come down here to pick up
some beans anyway, so we walked.

230
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,623
Well, two of us walked. One of us
had to be dragged by his collar.

231
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:26,000
Hey, I told you I didn't want
to come in the first place.

232
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,629
- Look at me. I'm gonna die of pneumonia.
- Oh, you'll outlive us all.

233
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,922
The cranky ones always do.

234
00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:33,049
Dad, let's get you
something hot to drink. Um...

235
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,010
Want a cappuccino, latte or something?

236
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:36,928
Can I help you?

237
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:39,889
Uh, coffee, black,
and don't put anything fancy in it.

238
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,808
We have two special coffees today.

239
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:43,685
I'll surprise you.

240
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,731
Oh, joy.

241
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,276
There's nothing like
the smell of a wet dog

242
00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,319
to work up the appetite for supper.

243
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:58,074
- Look at us. We're soaked to the skin.
- You're in a fine mood today.

244
00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,577
Yeah, and by the way,
you left a mess in the kitchen.

245
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:01,661
I had a piece of toast.

246
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,121
- Yeah, and you didn't use a plate.
- Oh.

247
00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:04,789
You buttered it on the counter.

248
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:07,584
I know because you left a bunch
of crumbs and toast sweat there.

249
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,670
- Toast sweat?
- Yes. Yes.

250
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,339
When you put a piece of hot toast
on any surface,

251
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:16,050
it tends to leave
little droplets of dew behind.

252
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:19,345
Have you heard Dad's lecture
on the evils of toast sweat?

253
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,014
It's the scourge of our times.

254
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,768
One coffee, black.

255
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:31,608
And a decaf, non-fat Zimbabwe latte.

256
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:33,610
Oh, dear, is that cinnamon on that foam?

257
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:40,742
You know, as long as
we're picking each other's scabs here,

258
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:43,912
I found another one of Eddie's chew toys
in my sweater cubby.

259
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:45,914
Hair all over my favorite pullover.

260
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,540
I know he sleeps in there
when I'm not home.

261
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,460
Serves you right for keeping
your sweaters in a place called a "cubby."

262
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:54,589
Oh. Well, that's it.
My bedroom is off-limits to this fleabag.

263
00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:57,300
- He's not a fleabag.
- Hey, Dad, how about those Mariners?

264
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,635
Shut up, Niles.

265
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,262
Who are we kidding here?

266
00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:03,306
If my hip's good enough
to get me down here,

267
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:05,892
then maybe it's just time
I found a place of my own.

268
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:08,770
- Where will you go?
- Oh, don't worry about me.

269
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:11,314
I'll find a place.
I've got money saved up.

270
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:13,566
I never wanted to move in with you
in the first place.

271
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:16,402
[Frasier & Martin] And the last thing
I wanna do is to be a burden to anybody.

272
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,406
That's your brother's smart-ass way
of telling me he's heard this before.

273
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,116
You won't have to hear it again.

274
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,243
Come on, Eddie.

275
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,370
Tell Daphne to catch up with us.

276
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:28,122
Dad, please, we go through this
little melodrama at least once a week.

277
00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:29,999
Will you just sit down?
It's raining outside.

278
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:32,418
No. I want to pay for
my own coffee too. How much is it?

279
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,170
- $1 .50.
- For coffee?

280
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:37,006
What kind of world are we living in?

281
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,142
Frasier, are you all right?
You were in that bathroom forever.

282
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,812
Oh, I tried that damned hand cream.

283
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:53,064
I was so oily, I couldn't even
get a grip on the doorknob.

284
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,024
I had to wait to be rescued.

285
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:58,778
Finally, when some guy came in, I said,
"Oh, God, am I glad to see you."

286
00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:02,198
I can't even begin to describe
the look he gave me.

287
00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:09,038
There it is.

288
00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:16,254
So your brother tells me
you and your father are at it again.

289
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:19,799
- Oh, yeah. What's new?
- I don't know what's wrong with him.

290
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,677
Lately, he's had a face
as long as a wet weekend.

291
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:25,930
Yesterday, when I insisted
he do his stretching exercises,

292
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:29,183
he told me I could stick me feet
behind me head and spin like a top.

293
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:32,895
Oh, well, the best thing to do is just
ignore him when he gets like that.

294
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,105
Isn't that right, Niles?

295
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:35,606
Niles?

296
00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:42,238
I'm sorry, Frasier. For some reason,
I'm feeling a little dizzy.

297
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,577
- Well, I guess I'd better go after him.
- Oh, here.

298
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:52,749
- Take my bumbershoot.
- Oh, isn't that nice.

299
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:55,418
Well, at least someone appreciates
my mother tongue.

300
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,045
Yes, I've always had an ear
for your tongue.

301
00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,171
Oh, Niles.

302
00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:02,633
What did I say?

303
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:08,181
- Want another coffee?
- Not until I've had my first one, thanks.

304
00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:13,019
- [Niles] clears throat]
- [sighs]

305
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:16,981
Why is it always so difficult
between me and Dad?

306
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:20,485
Oh, well, you might try looking at it
from Dad's point of view.

307
00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:22,737
As a policeman,
he was in a position of authority.

308
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,155
That's been taken away from him.

309
00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:25,740
Railing against the world

310
00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:29,243
is his way of controlling
his ever-shrinking sphere of influence.

311
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:31,704
Yes, well, I do empathize with him.
It's just...

312
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:33,539
I can't help wishing

313
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:36,042
I could just kick that cane out
from under him once in a while,

314
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,753
and that he would land on Eddie.

315
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,549
The simple truth is, it's hard.

316
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,093
- I know you're trying.
- I am.

317
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,471
And you know, sometimes,
I do see the fruits of my labor.

318
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:49,555
Just the other night,

319
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:52,892
Dad was watching TV
and I'd fallen asleep on the couch.

320
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:56,145
And suddenly, I stirred.
I felt something on my head and...

321
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:58,773
Dad was standing
above me stroking my hair.

322
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,274
Dad?

323
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,027
Did he say anything?

324
00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,154
He said, "Don't you think
it's time to get a haircut?

325
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,739
You're starting to look like Bozo."

326
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,120
Yeah, I know he was only covering,
though, but what do you think?

327
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,705
- It probably wouldn't hurt to get a trim.
- No.

328
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:19,460
- Do you think he was covering?
- Well, of course he was covering.

329
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:20,628
You know Dad.

330
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:25,258
Tough as nails on the outside,
but on the inside, one giant spike.

331
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:28,386
<i>Grazie.</i>

332
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,096
Excuse me, what about mine?

333
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,432
We've got a team of specialists
working on it.

334
00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:41,190
What do you say
we just change the subject from Dad?

335
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,692
- Talk about something else.
- Absolutely.

336
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:44,902
Pick a new subject.
Something light and frothy.

337
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:45,903
I agree.

338
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:48,990
Are you in love with Daphne?

339
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:55,121
That's a little frothier
than I had in mind.

340
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,041
That's preposterous.

341
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:01,502
I refuse to dignify that question
with an answer.

342
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:10,052
I don't know. There, I said it.
Are you happy?

343
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:13,848
Why did you have to hire Venus herself?

344
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:17,810
Couldn't you find some beefy,
Eastern European scrub woman

345
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,061
who reeked of ammonia?

346
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:26,569
Well, I asked. But it was an Olympic year.
The agency was fresh out.

347
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:35,828
Frasier, I can't get her out of my mind.

348
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,413
When I look at Daphne,

349
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:40,666
she stirs a passion in me
I've never known before.

350
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:41,959
Niles.

351
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,669
You're not considering leaving Maris?

352
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,087
Certainly not.

353
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:48,257
Well, then, I suppose
the situation you're in is that you...

354
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:49,926
You'd like to stay with Maris,

355
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:52,178
but you'd like to have an affair
with Daphne.

356
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:53,596
Yes. Can I do that?

357
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:54,680
No, you can't.

358
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,061
I thought that I couldn't,

359
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:02,104
but you got my hopes up for a minute.

360
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:07,985
Oh, it's easy for you.
You're free, you're happy.

361
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,154
Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself.

362
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:12,698
- You haven't answered that question.
- I haven't, have I?

363
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,992
No, you haven't. And I'm getting curious.
Are you happy?

364
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:15,993
Well...

365
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:19,413
I guess the best way
I could think of saying it--

366
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:20,581
[Roz] Oh, this sucks.

367
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,042
What's the matter?

368
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:26,003
[sighs] You think you're gonna sit down
with somebody and have a cup of coffee

369
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:29,340
and that they might, just might,
lead you to something like,

370
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:31,425
oh, I don't know, a life?

371
00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:36,764
Suddenly, the trap door opens
and you're right back in Roz's world.

372
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,892
- How did it go so wrong so quickly?
- Hm.

373
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:43,104
Simple. He didn't want to date me.
He wanted to convert me.

374
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,147
I don't have anything
against religious people.

375
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:47,733
I don't care if they're Jewish or
Jehovah's Witness or Buddhist.

376
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:50,820
I'm ecumenical.
I embrace men of all faiths.

377
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:55,408
If only it stopped there.

378
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:01,330
But he pretended he was gonna ask me out.

379
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,541
Isn't there a commandment against that?

380
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:06,043
No, they didn't go into dating
until the New Testament.

381
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:10,798
Oh, Roz, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Why don't you join us?

382
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:12,258
No. No, thank you.

383
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:15,219
There's a cute new handyman
in my building.

384
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:19,140
Thought I'd just go home, slip into
a negligee and rip out my faucet.

385
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:23,728
You think she's kidding, don't you?

386
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,024
You know,

387
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:31,110
I think about Roz's life,
and it makes me wonder about my own.

388
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:36,616
I haven't been exactly burning up
the social scene lately.

389
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,700
You'll find somebody.

390
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:38,951
But what if I don't?

391
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,038
What if I end up old and alone?

392
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:47,418
I guess I might have to buy a funny
little dog and move in with Frederick.

393
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,464
I guess I don't have to
worry about that for a while.

394
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,716
Frederick should start
worrying about that.

395
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:59,805
In the meantime, you might try answering
my ever more tedious original question.

396
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,307
Are you happy?

397
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:03,851
Well, I guess I have to say--

398
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:05,645
- Hello, boys.
- Oh, for Pete's sake.

399
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,647
Dad, what are you doing back here?

400
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:09,774
Well, I don't know, I...

401
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:13,027
I've been acting like a jerk
these last couple of days,

402
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:15,446
and I've been taking it out on you
and Daphne.

403
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,617
All that stuff I said earlier,
just forget about it.

404
00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:21,327
I already have.

405
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:23,537
Come on, Eddie.

406
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,122
Dad. Dad, listen.

407
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,918
Has something been bothering you
the last few days?

408
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:30,503
No, not really, no.

409
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,254
- Oh, come on, come on.
- Really, it's nothing.

410
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:34,465
If something's bothering you,
just tell us.

411
00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:36,425
Dad, come on. Just say it.

412
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:38,219
Okay.

413
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,389
Last Sunday was my birthday.

414
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,186
Of course it was.

415
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,940
Frasier and I were planning
a big surprise party.

416
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,859
But if we had thrown it on your birthday,
it wouldn't have been a surprise.

417
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,737
Thus we waited a week.
So... Surprise!

418
00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:02,368
Oh, if you could see
the look on your face.

419
00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:05,663
Just give it up, Niles.

420
00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,083
- Dad, I'm... I'm sorry.
- Oh, no, really.

421
00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,626
No. Listen. Here, come and have a seat.

422
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:13,921
You know, I don't know
why I let it bother me.

423
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:17,425
All those years on the force,
I missed enough of you boys' birthdays.

424
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:20,219
- You're entitled to miss one of mine.
- You know what?

425
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,847
Nothing's stopping us
from celebrating anyway.

426
00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:25,474
We're gonna take you out to dinner
tonight. You can choose any place.

427
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,393
- You don't need to do that.
- Absolutely. Absolutely.

428
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:28,477
You name the place.

429
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:30,980
Okay.

430
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:33,107
How about Hoppy's Old Heidelberg?

431
00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:34,692
- Oh, great.
- Great.

432
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:39,029
Hey, they were voted best bratwurst
in town for three years in a row.

433
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:40,364
<i>Ach du Lieber.</i>

434
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:44,034
There you are.

435
00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,911
I've been up and down
Third Street looking for you.

436
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:46,996
I was on Fourth Street.

437
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:49,290
Eddie had already smelled
everything on Third.

438
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,834
How'd you know
I was coming back here anyway?

439
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:54,545
I had one of me psychic flashes.

440
00:20:54,545 --> 00:20:58,174
Bang. There you were,
walking in the front door of Cafe Nervosa.

441
00:20:58,174 --> 00:20:59,800
And you were apologizing to me

442
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,886
for the way you've treated me
this past week.

443
00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:05,222
Yeah, I'm sorry about that, Daphne.
Just forget about it.

444
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:08,684
And, uh, something about a raise?

445
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,480
You're winging it now, aren't you?

446
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,607
- Am I that transparent?
- No.

447
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:15,858
I'm psychic.

448
00:21:17,026 --> 00:21:18,277
Come on now. You better hurry up

449
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:21,322
'cause the boys are taking us out to
Hoppy's Old Heidelberg tonight for dinner.

450
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:24,116
Oh, great. German food.

451
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:25,826
We whipped the Jerries twice this century,

452
00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:27,578
and they still have the last laugh.

453
00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:31,707
I'd give you a ride,
but I've got to stop by the station first.

454
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:33,501
That's okay, I'll give him a lift.

455
00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:34,960
Oh.

456
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:38,714
Frasier, as always, I've enjoyed
getting together with you for coffee.

457
00:21:39,673 --> 00:21:41,467
What do you guys talk about all the time?

458
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:44,136
Oh, you know, sports, chicks,
monster truck rallies.

459
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:46,430
Okay, don't tell me.

460
00:21:49,225 --> 00:21:54,063
Zimbabwe, decaf, non-fat milk,
no cinnamon in sight.

461
00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:54,897
Now...

462
00:21:55,606 --> 00:21:56,816
Are you happy?

463
00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:01,487
You know,
in the greater scheme of things...

464
00:22:02,905 --> 00:22:04,406
Yes, I'd say I am.

465
00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:17,837
[theme song playing]

466
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:22,842
♪ <i>Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin'
Tossed salads and scrambled eggs</i> ♪

467
00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:24,844
<i>Quite stylish.</i>

468
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:27,096
♪ <i>And maybe I seem a bit confused</i> ♪

469
00:22:27,096 --> 00:22:29,890
♪ <i>Well, maybe, but I got you pegged</i> ♪

470
00:22:29,890 --> 00:22:32,059
♪ <i>Ha, ha, ha, ha</i> ♪

471
00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:33,686
♪ <i>But I don't know what to do</i> ♪

472
00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:37,064
♪ <i>With those tossed salads
And scrambled eggs</i> ♪

473
00:22:37,982 --> 00:22:40,943
♪ <i>They're calling again</i> ♪

474
00:22:40,943 --> 00:22:43,487
<i>See you next year! We love you!</i>