1 00:00:02,044 --> 00:00:03,629 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:09,218 --> 00:00:11,595 Jeez, I'm sorry, Blake. 3 00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:14,848 When I told you to close your eyes and visualize that you were on an island, 4 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,684 I didn't realize you were calling from your car phone. 5 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:23,315 [Blake] That's okay, doc. At least I know my airbags work. 6 00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:26,944 Well, I'm glad you're all right. And thank you for your call. 7 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,405 Oh! Look who just popped into the booth. 8 00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:34,326 It's Gil Chesterton, KACL's own food critic, 9 00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:37,579 which means it's my cue to hit the road. 10 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:40,332 So until tomorrow, this is Dr. Frasier Crane 11 00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:45,379 wishing you a good day... [sneezes] 12 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,297 ...and good health. 13 00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:50,842 - Hey, Frasier. - Hello, Gil. 14 00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:53,262 I heard you coughing on the air today. 15 00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,639 Sounds like you might be coming down with something. 16 00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:58,642 So I had this sent over from Rosenthal's Deli. 17 00:00:58,642 --> 00:01:02,271 Chicken soup, so lovingly prepared even the chicken gets well. 18 00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:06,191 Thank you. That's very kind. 19 00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:08,151 And I'd never forget you, Roz. 20 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:11,154 Some ladyfingers that have been soaked in rum. 21 00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:12,406 Much like her own. 22 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:19,871 I hope this isn't the start of that nasty flu that's going around. 23 00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:22,457 If you want to take a couple of days off, nip it in the bud, 24 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,543 I'd be happy to cover your time slot for you. 25 00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:27,838 - No, no, thank you. I'll be fine tomorrow. - [Gil] Okey-dokey. 26 00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:30,882 But feel free to call me if you change your mind. 27 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:34,469 [door closes] 28 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:37,931 Mm! Plump, gooey, and guaranteed to rot your teeth. 29 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,976 Yes, and I don't like his phony British accent much either. 30 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:46,356 You've got a bug up your mic about Gil. What's your problem? 31 00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:49,860 I just don't trust him. Nobody's that nice unless they want something from you. 32 00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:51,945 - Well, he's just a generous person. - Oh, yes. 33 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,780 He was very generous to Bonnie Weems. 34 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,073 He bought her a case of wine 35 00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:58,076 and asked her to let him have her time slot while she was on vacation. 36 00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:01,496 When she got back, she had been banished to the midnight to 4 a.m. slot. 37 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,582 What? He's trying to take our time slot? 38 00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:05,000 We should watch our backs. 39 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,252 How would you like to work from midnight to 4 a.m.? 40 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,963 What would happen to your social life? Those are your peak hours. 41 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:15,177 - You're just being paranoid. - No, I'm not. 42 00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:17,512 Yes, you are. The man brought you some chicken soup. 43 00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:21,516 It does not mean he wants your time slot. Besides, why would he be bribing us? 44 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:24,686 He'd be bribing the higher ups. They're the ones who make the decisions. 45 00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:30,025 Oh, Frasier, oh, good, it's still here. I'm so sorry, this is your soup. 46 00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:33,528 This is the Lobster Newburg I bought for the station manager's cat. 47 00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:38,992 I'll see you tomorrow, Roz. 48 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,751 [Daphne] Oh. Here's a gruesome bit. 49 00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:51,755 A partly decomposed body just washed up in Puget Sound. 50 00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:53,757 - Hey, that's good news. - Pardon? 51 00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:55,801 Bodies don't rise till the weather gets warmer. 52 00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:58,720 You get your first floater, and spring's around the corner. 53 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,185 Good morning, Dad, Daphne. 54 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,313 - Frasier, you sound awful. - It's just a little bug. 55 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:10,399 But you can't be going to work. 56 00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:13,068 You're all pasty and clammy and pale. 57 00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:15,862 Coming from an English person, that's bad. 58 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:24,538 Well, as you've often said, if you can walk, you can work. 59 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,541 Took an ironic twist the day you got shot in the hip. 60 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,627 At least I had a real job. 61 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,796 Half your listening audience hears voices already, 62 00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:34,548 and the other half talks to themselves. 63 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,842 If you don't show up, who's gonna notice? 64 00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:41,847 - Well, I'm out of here. - [Daphne] But you're burning up. 65 00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:44,599 You should stay home and let me tend to you. 66 00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:48,478 I'm a very good nurse. I mended all my brothers' soccer injuries. 67 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:52,190 - I didn't get injured playing soccer. - Neither did my hooligan brothers. 68 00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:55,527 Mostly they got hurt beating up drunken Dutchmen in the stands. 69 00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:56,611 [sneezes] 70 00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:59,740 Well, that's gonna look pretty against the glass in your booth. 71 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:03,243 Why don't you just stay home? 72 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:06,580 Dad, Daphne, thank you, thank you, but I am a physician. 73 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,541 I believe that I am the best monitor of my own condition. I'm fine. 74 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,460 Fit as a fiddle. 75 00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:15,756 [doorbell rings] 76 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,344 I'm sick! 77 00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,685 [Gil] And we're back with Restaurant Beat. 78 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:32,272 This is Gil Chesterton, filling in for Dr. Frasier Crane. 79 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:36,443 We're talking to Louis, who's forgotten that tonight is his tenth anniversary. 80 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:40,322 Well, Louis, I believe I've saved your proverbial derriere. 81 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:45,535 During the commercial, I managed to secure you a private booth at Maximilien's. 82 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:48,997 Just promise me for dessert you'll have their Schwarzwaldkirsh-torten. 83 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,418 - [Louis] The what? - Schwarzwaldkirsh... 84 00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:56,671 Well, maybe better stick with the rainbow sherbet. 85 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:03,637 I don't know how to thank you. You saved my marriage. 86 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:04,846 No, don't thank me. 87 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:08,850 I'm only here tonight because our dear Dr. Crane is home with the flu. 88 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:15,148 If you're listening, doc, all of us here at KACL want you to get better soon. 89 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,275 Oh, I just bet you do. 90 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,529 Time to check if the turkey's done. 91 00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:25,283 Dad, you don't have to sit with me all day. 92 00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:28,537 No, no, no problem. You need company when you're sick. 93 00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,872 You never know when you're gonna croak. 94 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:37,754 Oh, boy, your temperature is up there, 101. You are a sick boy. 95 00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:42,217 - Thank you for reminding me, Daphne. - I remember the sickest I ever was. 96 00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:46,304 They shipped us back from Korea. I got this Oriental parasite. 97 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:49,307 It was building its own little pagoda in my colon. 98 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:50,517 Thank you, Dad. 99 00:05:54,563 --> 00:05:57,649 You know, you might try some of my homeopathic tea. 100 00:05:57,649 --> 00:06:01,611 It'll flush out your system and also make your hair more shiny and manageable. 101 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:06,074 - No, thank you. - No. That wasn't the sickest I was. 102 00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,910 It was that time your mother and I took that trip down to Mexico. 103 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:12,622 I was careful about the water, and then I ate this lettuce. 104 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:16,418 Next thing you know, I'm spewing both for accuracy and distance. 105 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:23,633 I spent the night curled up on the floor screaming, "I wanna die! I wanna die!" 106 00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:27,262 Wouldn't that have been a tragedy? You wouldn't be here with me now. 107 00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:31,933 Okay. I get the point. I'll give you a little peace and quiet here. 108 00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,352 Oh, no, what was I thinking of? 109 00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:38,273 What about that time your mother left the potato salad in the trunk of the car? 110 00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,983 I'm still sick from that one. 111 00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:43,320 Is there anything else you need? 112 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:47,032 - Oh, a little more ginger ale, please. - Very well, then. 113 00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:51,494 Oh, and Daphne, this time make it shaved ice, not cubes. 114 00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:55,290 I don't like those straws. Can I have the bendy kind? 115 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:59,210 And the saltines, they're too salty. I need a low sodium. 116 00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:02,047 Your wish is my command. 117 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,799 Hello, Daphne. Is he in pain? 118 00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:05,800 [Daphne] Not enough. 119 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,264 Frasier, I brought you something. 120 00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:17,771 Oh, Niles, put the hanky down, for God's sake. It's not the plague. 121 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,732 All right. Well, look. This is from Marta, our maid. 122 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,487 It's a poultice you wear around your neck. 123 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:28,698 The recipe comes from her remote mountain village in Guatemala. 124 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,577 I can see why her village is remote. 125 00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:34,913 Well, yes, it is pungent, 126 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:38,500 but by inhaling these herbs, many of the villagers live to be well over 100. 127 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,418 Marta herself is 78, 128 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:43,880 and you should see her scramble up the stairs when Maris rings her bell. 129 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:47,300 - [phone ringing] - Oh, Niles, would you mind? 130 00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:57,018 Oh, hello, Eddie. For once, I'm actually glad to see you. 131 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,478 Here you are. 132 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,488 It's for you. It's Roz? 133 00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:14,202 - Hello. - [Roz] How are you feeling? 134 00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,370 Awful, thank you. 135 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:19,791 I'm sorry to hear that because I think you should get back down here. 136 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:23,503 You were right about Gil, Frasier. He's lobbying for our slot. 137 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,130 I was talking to Millie in Traffic, 138 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,632 and she overheard Gil talking to the station manager 139 00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:30,760 about how our time slot is perfect for his show 140 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:34,222 because it's mid-afternoon, and everyone is making dinner plans. 141 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,432 I knew it. I knew it. 142 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:39,019 Jeez. Okay. You can count on me. I'll be there tomorrow. 143 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,311 Well, you better be. 144 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:42,564 I don't trust that greedy, finger-licking runt 145 00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,315 as far as I can throw him. 146 00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:47,193 - I say, Roz, how am I doing so far? - Fabulous. 147 00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:50,363 Okay, I'll be in tomorrow. 148 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:56,911 Frasier, you can't be serious about going in tomorrow. 149 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,705 Your pupils are dilated. 150 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:00,874 You have a fever. 151 00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:05,503 You go in, in that condition, you won't make it to the parking lot. 152 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:09,507 I just don't trust Gil Chesterton. I think he's after my time slot. 153 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:12,177 Oh, Niles, will you stop it with the alcohol? 154 00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:19,517 I just can't let that smarmy little chow hound do my show for another day. 155 00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:22,604 Anybody would be better. Niles. 156 00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,398 Niles, would you do my show for me? 157 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,859 Frasier, that fever of yours is making you delusional. 158 00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:30,570 Oh, no. I filled in for you when you were too sick 159 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,363 to meet with your "fear of intimacy" group. 160 00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:34,741 I wasn't sick. They were just getting too close. 161 00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:39,829 Oh, you're right. It's probably a bad idea. 162 00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:43,124 Doing my show requires a set of abilities that you just don't possess. 163 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:46,711 You have to be able to size up your patients very quickly 164 00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:50,673 and then dispense your advice in an entertaining and insightful manner. 165 00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:54,135 Frasier, this pathetic attempt at reverse psychology is beneath you. 166 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:57,514 - Then you're not gonna do my show? - Oh, I am going to do your show, 167 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,849 and I'll do it better than you ever dreamed of doing it. 168 00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:17,575 And here's the cough button in case you need to cough or clear your throat. 169 00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:20,161 And most important, here's an extra-long commercial to use 170 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:21,788 if you need a bathroom break. 171 00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:24,207 Thank you, but those won't be necessary. 172 00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:26,960 I have no cough reflex and excellent bladder control. 173 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:32,799 It's true. All the good ones are married. 174 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,889 You're on in ten seconds, and your first caller is Marcia. 175 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,224 Marcia, all right. 176 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,228 Hello, Marcia, I'm listening. That is so trite. 177 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,773 Hello, Marcia, tell me where it hurts. No. 178 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:51,317 Hello, Marcia, I hear you. No. 179 00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,197 - Good afternoon, Seattle. - Oh, yes. 180 00:10:56,865 --> 00:11:01,870 Hello. This is Dr. Niles Crane, filling in for my ailing brother, Dr. Frasier Crane. 181 00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:04,956 Although I feel fully qualified to fill Frasier's radio shoes, 182 00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:08,877 I should warn you that while Frasier is a Freudian, I am a Jungian. 183 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,547 So there'll be no blaming Mother today. 184 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,929 Okay, Roz, who's my first caller? 185 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:23,516 We have Marcia on line three. She's in love with her husband's brother. 186 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,643 This day promises not to disappoint. 187 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:30,440 Hello, Marcia. Let's get better. 188 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,573 But before we get into the specifics of your problem, 189 00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:42,285 why don't I give you a little historical background? 190 00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:46,331 The psychiatrist Sigmar Brom-- That's B-R-O-M, no H. 191 00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:50,960 - -In the late-1950's, wrote extensively on the problem you're facing, 192 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,463 which is more amazing when you realize 193 00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:56,132 that Brom was a prominent Reichian. 194 00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,967 Listen to him. He's terrible. 195 00:11:58,676 --> 00:11:59,677 [radio turns off] 196 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:02,597 And I'm afraid, so are you. 197 00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:04,849 Your temperature's up to 103. 198 00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:08,186 Oh, let it go to 105. I couldn't be better. 199 00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:10,230 My time slot is safe. 200 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:14,525 Niles is as dry as this toast you brought me, with the crust still on. 201 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:19,197 I'm sure when I'm ready to go back, they'll send a limo. 202 00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:23,576 Well, I'll just go get you another drink. Was that last straw bendy enough? 203 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:25,828 Perfect, thank you. 204 00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:32,835 Oh, Daphne, Daphne, you know, take these tissues away. I-- 205 00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,170 They hurt my nose. 206 00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:37,507 I want that kind with the little moisturizer drops between the sheets. 207 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,637 And the rose petals in the humidifier, they're starting to wilt. 208 00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:45,431 Oh, of course. Anything you like. 209 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,934 Fresh rose petals, crust-less toast, 210 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:51,980 soft tissues, acupuncture needles where you least expect them. 211 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:59,696 Howard, Lois, I could stay on the air counseling you all afternoon, 212 00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:02,573 but we're at the end of our hour, so I'm going to cut to the quick. 213 00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:05,660 If one of you doesn't say "I love you" right now, 214 00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:08,913 frankly, I don't see how you could have any future together. 215 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:12,500 So which of you has the courage to say, "I love you"? 216 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:16,296 [Lois] Howard, I love you. 217 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,047 Yes! Yes! 218 00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,425 Howard, she loves you! 219 00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:23,845 - What about you? - [Howard] I-- 220 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:27,849 Howard, are you gonna just pack up your emotional tent and walk away? 221 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,435 Howard? 222 00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:33,771 Howard, it's up to you. Can you say it? Can you? 223 00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:35,773 Come on, Howard. Come on Howard. 224 00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:38,776 [Howard] I love you too, Lois. 225 00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:39,736 Yes! 226 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,237 He said it! He said it! 227 00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:44,907 - Hey, Niles is pretty good! - Good? 228 00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:47,535 Good? The little rat is scintillating. 229 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:51,205 Now, why couldn't he do what's expected of him once and stink? 230 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,792 He's even better than Gil Chesterton. 231 00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:58,129 Oh, God. They're trying to make me look bad! 232 00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:01,966 Oh, jeez, this high temperature of yours is making you zooey. 233 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:05,595 No. No. It's made me clear-headed. Yes. 234 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:10,058 I've gotta get to the station and reclaim what's rightfully mine. 235 00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:12,685 There'll be no more filling in by anybody. 236 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:18,483 - Oh, no way, no one, no... - Frasier, you're not going anywhere. 237 00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:19,859 - Who's gonna stop me? - I am. 238 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,861 Oh, how are you, a man with a limp and a cane, 239 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,280 gonna stop a man in the prime of his life? 240 00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,074 [groans] 241 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,620 I wasn't leaning on my cane. Come on, Daphne. 242 00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:34,457 - Boy, he really is sick. - Oh, you wanna talk sick? 243 00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:40,380 1962, World's Fair, the Tilt-A-Whirl was right next to The Little Taste of India. 244 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,928 [Frasier] Well, as you know, I was out sick most of the week, 245 00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:51,265 and I'd like to take this opportunity to express my sincere gratitude 246 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:54,018 to Gil Chesterton and to my brother Niles, 247 00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:57,063 for doing such a great job of filling in for me. 248 00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,856 I really appreciate it, guys. 249 00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:08,574 Well, Roz, now that I'm back to normal and feeling great, who's our first caller? 250 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:11,035 We have Sonja from Auburn on line three. 251 00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:14,455 Let's just hear what Sonja has to say. 252 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:17,667 Daphne! 253 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:18,876 Daphne! 254 00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:20,628 What is it this time? 255 00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:25,174 I had a dream. I had a dream. They are plotting against me! 256 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:29,053 Now, Dr. Crane, I thought we went over this already. 257 00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:30,930 It's just your fever talking. 258 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:34,934 That's what you want me to think. You're in league with Niles. 259 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:39,313 I know about the two of you. Oh, you pretend not to know, but you know. 260 00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:42,900 - I'm gonna take my show back. - But you can barely function! 261 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:45,361 These prescriptions will take care of that and more. 262 00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,780 Now, run to the drugstore posthaste. 263 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,783 Syducane? This will have you high as a kite. 264 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,493 Only until I take a couple of these. 265 00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,830 Oh, now, I really don't think you're in any condition to-- 266 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:56,747 Thank you! 267 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,459 But the moment I give a fig about what you think 268 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:03,504 is the day that England produces a great chef, a world-class wine 269 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,923 and a car that has a decent electrical system. 270 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:10,803 You know, 271 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:15,391 being a healthcare provider, I try to be sympathetic towards my patients. 272 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:18,436 But I have reached the end of my tether, doctor! 273 00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:23,941 You are, by far, the most ungrateful, disagreeable, self-centered, whiny fusspot 274 00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:26,402 I've had the misfortune of dealing with! 275 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:29,405 I've had patients on their deathbeds who were more considerate 276 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,574 and a damn sight more jolly too! 277 00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:34,660 As far as I'm concerned, you can lay in those sweaty sheets 278 00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,662 till you're one giant bedsore. 279 00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:39,999 Are you done? 280 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:42,293 Yes. 281 00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:45,254 Then scurry to the drugstore and get those filled while I get dressed. 282 00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:57,391 Oh, hello, Frasier. What a surprise to see you here today. 283 00:16:57,391 --> 00:17:01,729 Well, it's no wonder. I've taken some wonder drugs. I feel wonderful. 284 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:06,025 So I'm gonna go do my show now. So, ta-ta, pie man. 285 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,822 Thank you, Greta. It's always satisfying to know I've changed someone's life. 286 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:17,203 Oh, look who's just wandered into my booth. It's Frasier. 287 00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:19,872 Hello, Niles. I've come to take the reins of my show. 288 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,916 So you can scoot out of there. 289 00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:24,335 I think this might be a good time to go to a commercial. 290 00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:27,088 This is Dr. Niles Crane. Let's get better. 291 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:30,383 Are you okay? Your eyes look glassy. 292 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:34,470 I'm fine. It's just that the drugs I took have some minor slide effects. 293 00:17:36,347 --> 00:17:39,767 Frasier, look at me. Do you see trails when I do this? 294 00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:42,353 Whoa. 295 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,314 Wasn't doing that before. 296 00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:49,277 All right now, you're not going on the air like this. Now stop it. 297 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,074 This is what you're going to do. You're going to bed to get rest. 298 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:58,369 You're going to get rid of this fever, so you can be as good as new. 299 00:17:58,369 --> 00:17:59,787 Let's get better. 300 00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:03,165 All right? 301 00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:04,709 All right? 302 00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:07,044 All right. 303 00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:12,967 Okay. Maybe the two of you could help me find someone to drive me home? 304 00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:16,554 Oh, that's the most sensible thing you've said so far. 305 00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:17,471 Frasier! 306 00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:31,027 Hello, Seattle. I'm back. 307 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:35,197 This is Dr. Frasier Crane, and I promise I will never leave you again. 308 00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:38,034 So let's take our first caller. 309 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,621 Hello, I'm listening. 310 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,456 [Robert] Hi, Dr. Crane. 311 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:48,044 Thanks for taking my call. I'm a little nervous, okay? 312 00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,338 - My name is Robert. - And your name is? 313 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,635 My name is Robert. 314 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:58,554 Oh, I'm sorry. We've already had a Robert on the show today. Goodbye. 315 00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:04,185 Tony? It's Roz. Could you get Security up here? 316 00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:07,855 Captain Kirk's got control of the bridge, and he's gone insane. 317 00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:10,149 Who is this? 318 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,275 I'm Janice. 319 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:13,402 Well, Janice, what's your problem? 320 00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:17,740 I'm having a problem breaking through a barrier with my in-laws. 321 00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:18,616 Boring! 322 00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:25,998 Hello, you're on the Crane with Frasier Air. 323 00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:30,461 Hi, Dr. Crane. This is Marjorie. 324 00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:33,547 You see, I'm having a problem with my boss. 325 00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:38,052 He doesn't seem to respect me, and I don't have the courage to confront him. 326 00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:43,057 Okay. Okay, Marjorie. Well, let's see. Let's do a little role-playing. Okay? 327 00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:46,769 Now look, I'll be your boss. You be yourself. You be Marjorie. 328 00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,896 Come on in and talk to me in a very forceful way 329 00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:51,941 and tell me what you think, and you might be surprised at what happens. 330 00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,192 Well, okay. 331 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:58,656 Listen, Mr. Ross, I've worked for this company for six years, 332 00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,616 and I've never missed a day. 333 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:04,370 But you've constantly promoted people less qualified than I am, 334 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,539 and I don't think that's fair. 335 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:11,252 Well, Marjorie, I must say I admire your forthrightness, 336 00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:15,589 and I wish more of my employees came and spoke to me with an open mind. 337 00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:18,676 - You're gonna get that promotion. - Hey, that was great! 338 00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:20,970 Yeah, wasn't it? Wasn't it? It's my turn. My turn. 339 00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:24,056 Okay, I'm Marjorie. You're the boss now. Come on! Come on! 340 00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:28,769 Frasier, these nice men are going to take you home. 341 00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:32,565 I'm doing my show. I can't. I'm on the air. 342 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,567 No. We cut you off. You're on commercial. 343 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:38,404 Don't worry your mucus-filled head about anything. Everything's under control. 344 00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:43,784 My show! It's my booth! Hey, this is fun! Hey, go faster. 345 00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:47,913 Five seconds, Niles. 346 00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:53,502 Hello! This is Dr. Niles Crane again. 347 00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:55,337 And no, we haven't taken leave of our senses. 348 00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:57,631 That inspired lunacy you heard before the commercial 349 00:20:57,631 --> 00:21:00,301 was just a little docudrama Frasier and I put together 350 00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:02,136 on the dangers of over medication. 351 00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:13,522 Bravo, Frasier, for so brilliantly demonstrating why they call it dope. 352 00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:19,612 Daphne! Daphne! 353 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:22,823 - What? - I had another dream. 354 00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:25,910 I dreamt I went down to the station all doped up 355 00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:28,204 and tried to take over and made a fool out of myself, 356 00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:31,624 and they dragged me out of there like some lunatic in a butterfly net. 357 00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:34,168 Oh, now, now, that was just a dream. 358 00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:37,671 You go back to sleep. You'll feel better in the morning. 359 00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:40,341 Hold it. 360 00:21:40,883 --> 00:21:46,305 Could I have a little lemonade with fresh lemons and a sprig of mint? 361 00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:48,349 Anything you want. 362 00:21:50,059 --> 00:21:54,396 - Why'd you tell him it was a dream? - No fun telling him the truth now. 363 00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:59,109 I'll wait until tomorrow morning when he's good and lucid. 364 00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:08,410 [theme music playing] 365 00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:14,416 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 366 00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:15,334 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 367 00:22:16,210 --> 00:22:19,088 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 368 00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:21,465 ♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 369 00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:23,551 ♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ 370 00:22:23,551 --> 00:22:25,219 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 371 00:22:25,219 --> 00:22:28,514 ♪ With those tossed salads And scrambled eggs ♪ 372 00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:31,892 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 373 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:36,063 ♪ Scrambled eggs all over my face ♪ 374 00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:37,481 ♪ What is a boy to do? ♪ 375 00:22:40,109 --> 00:22:42,987 ♪ Frasier has left the building ♪