1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:03,587
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:12,513
Oh, look, Roz, Roz, my brochures are here.
3
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,599
Oh, God, what an exciting vacation.
4
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:18,477
- Wow, the Golden Door Spa?
- Yeah.
5
00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:21,104
Look at those accommodations.
That is nice.
6
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:24,107
Yes, I plan to leave Dad and Eddie
to fend for themselves when I go up
7
00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:27,319
and spend an obscene amount of money
being pampered like a spoiled child.
8
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:31,031
I know it's self-indulgent.
What else are vacations for?
9
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,033
What are you doing for your week off?
10
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,118
Oh, I'm taking my mom to Ireland
11
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,704
to stay in the sod house
where her mother was born.
12
00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:44,503
Why don't you just write the words
"bad son" on my forehead?
13
00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:49,049
There is nothing wrong
with pampering yourself on your vacation.
14
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,135
After all, you do work three hours a day.
15
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:57,849
I'm sorry. That one even surprised me.
16
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:02,896
It's just that when I think
of the relationship I have with my dad,
17
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:06,525
I can't help but envy the relationship
you have with your mother.
18
00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:10,862
Well, it didn't just happen.
We work at it. We spend time together.
19
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,739
Do you forget
that my father lives with me?
20
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,866
How much more time together
could we spend?
21
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,244
Day to day living is different.
22
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,580
There is nothing better
than taking a trip together.
23
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,957
You get to have a little fun.
You get to relax.
24
00:01:21,957 --> 00:01:24,543
You get to see a whole different side
of the other person.
25
00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:28,171
You know, in his entire life,
my dad has never been to Europe.
26
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:32,968
It would be a way of connecting with him
if I were the one to give him that.
27
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:36,263
So, what would you charge me
to take him to Ireland with you?
28
00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:42,728
[groaning]
29
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,484
I should have known this would happen.
30
00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:52,613
I always throw out my back
when I try to lift Maris' luggage.
31
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,616
Why didn't you hire a skycap?
32
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,618
Oh, we did for most of it.
33
00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,870
But Maris won't trust strangers
with her makeup case
34
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:02,456
ever since a ham-handed porter
dropped it
35
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:05,626
and broke three vials
of rare Swiss lamb placenta.
36
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,129
On the upside,
37
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:12,341
the calfskin lining of her case
was never more soft and supple.
38
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,471
- Where did Mrs. Crane go, anyway?
- Oh.
39
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:25,562
She's making her annual pilgrimage
to the Holy Land.
40
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:28,106
I thought she was going to Dallas
to visit her sister.
41
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:32,486
That is her holy land. It's the site
of the first Neiman Marcus.
42
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:39,409
- Oh, Dr. Crane.
- Oh, call me Niles.
43
00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,293
Thank you, Daphne.
44
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:51,713
Dad, I have an idea, and I hope
you're as excited about it as I am.
45
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,216
I want to take you on vacation.
46
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:56,468
Why?
47
00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,971
An adventure might do us some good.
48
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:01,515
Give us a chance to have some fun,
49
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,476
maybe get reacquainted,
even do a little bonding.
50
00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:05,811
What did you have in mind?
51
00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:09,981
This is not about where I want to go.
This is about where you want to go.
52
00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:13,860
Dad, I give you the world.
53
00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:19,533
The Galapagos islands, huh?
54
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,621
"Where iguanas, sea lions,
55
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:28,041
and giant tortoises live
in eternal harmony."
56
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,960
Is it important they get along?
57
00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:33,422
Oh, no, I suppose not.
58
00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:38,927
Oh! How about this? India and Nepal.
"Trek the foothills of the Himalayas."
59
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,888
- You're forgetting about my old pal here.
- [Niles] No problem.
60
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:45,267
Frasier can hire a really tough
Sherpa to carry you on his back.
61
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:47,644
They don't mind.
62
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:52,607
We obviously haven't struck
the right chord yet. But we will. We will.
63
00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:54,776
Dad, why don't you suggest something?
64
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:56,737
You really wanna go on a trip with me?
65
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:59,406
Yes, I do. I'll go anywhere
you want to, anywhere.
66
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:00,907
Okay.
67
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:04,536
Well, maybe I'm not
as sophisticated as you,
68
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,371
but I think I should see America first.
69
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:09,249
Great! We're Americans.
We should see America.
70
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,294
- And I wanna see it in a Winnebago.
- A Winnebago!
71
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:16,256
- Hot damn, that has a real ring to it!
- Yeah.
72
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:19,301
It's something your mother and I
dreamed about doing when I retired.
73
00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:22,471
Well, then, that is exactly the trip
we're going to take.
74
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:24,598
- You really mean it?
- Absolutely.
75
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:28,810
- This calls for a celebration.
- Yeah, let's pop open a couple of beers.
76
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:31,688
I think I've got a bag of pork rinds
in here too.
77
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:36,067
Ah, the final touch. I almost feel
like I'm in a trailer park already.
78
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,285
Oh, Winnebago boy.
79
00:04:47,913 --> 00:04:51,249
Hang a lot of beach chairs
on the back and give it a cute name
80
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,626
like The Whooping Cranes.
81
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:58,507
Oh, Niles, when I agreed
to see America with Dad,
82
00:04:58,507 --> 00:05:00,550
I thought we'd be in five-star resorts.
83
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:03,345
When I said together,
I meant adjoining suites!
84
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:05,639
- Just tell him it's a bad idea.
- Oh, I can't do that.
85
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,599
He's counting on this trip.
It was his dream.
86
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:11,186
- He was going on this trip with Mom.
- Yes, but she lucked out and died.
87
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,485
Niles, listen, listen,
88
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:21,571
if Dad and I get into a Winnebago
together, one of us will come out alive.
89
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,617
- You've got to come with us.
- Frasier, you're my brother.
90
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,911
That entitles you to my bone marrow
and my kidney,
91
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:29,621
but this is an imposition.
92
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:33,500
- You've gotta come with us.
- Why?
93
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,253
Well, Frasier and I don't have anything
to talk about.
94
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:40,006
I always feel more comfortable if there's
somebody else around or the TV's blaring.
95
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,341
Then, why did you suggest it?
96
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,426
It sounded like a good idea
when it came out.
97
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,595
But the more I think about it...
98
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,973
Can you really see me and Frasier
together all day,
99
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:52,394
then, crawling into our bunks at night,
lying head-to-head in the dark, bonding?
100
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,728
[shudders]
101
00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,356
I'll pay you. I've got pension money.
102
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,609
I remember a car trip
we took when I was 9.
103
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,279
We drove from Seattle to Spokane.
104
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,072
The only thing he said to me was:
105
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:06,825
"I think we've got a problem
with your brother, Frasier."
106
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:18,044
Those were awful,
those family driving vacations.
107
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:21,464
Dad insisting on covering as many miles
as possible in a day.
108
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:23,884
The two of us,
tiny hostages in the back seat,
109
00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:27,762
clutching our car-sickness bags,
110
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:30,932
straining to see something out the window
as the landscape whizzed by.
111
00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,894
I was 13 before I realized
cows aren't blurry.
112
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,900
Why don't you tell him
you don't wanna go?
113
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:43,403
Oh, you heard how he wants to go.
I don't wanna disappoint him.
114
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,988
I don't want to disappoint him.
115
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:48,783
I'm sorry, Frasier.
I'm not a Winnebago person.
116
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,494
Whenever I see one on the highway,
117
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:54,581
I look into the driver's eyes hoping
to see something that would explain
118
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:58,084
why in God's name he would ever want to do
something like this.
119
00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:02,255
All I see is a death stare under the brim
of a hat made out of Miller Lite cans.
120
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:09,137
- This is my final word. I'm not going.
- Hey, great news. Daphne's coming too.
121
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,263
And so am I.
122
00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:21,232
[Martin] It's everything I'd hoped
it would be, only better.
123
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,610
It's like sitting in your own living room
watching TV.
124
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,904
Except it isn't TV. It's America.
125
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:31,743
Yes, Dad, it's the ultimate
in reality programming, actual reality.
126
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:36,331
We've got a turnoff coming up in
about five miles. Start slowing down.
127
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,290
Right-o, Dad.
128
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,584
How's it feel behind that wheel,
Dr. Crane?
129
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:41,294
Manly.
130
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,173
This is mine, and it's big.
131
00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:51,513
Oh, my God. It's like being sealed upright
in a Formica coffin.
132
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,558
Remember the old days, Niles?
133
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,520
When they were kids, all I had
in the back seat was a mayonnaise jar.
134
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:05,026
It took quite a bit of skill to use it
successfully at 70 miles an hour.
135
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,613
Never really been fond
of mayonnaise since.
136
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:10,490
Or speed bumps.
137
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:14,786
Okay, turnoff's coming up now.
We're about four miles away. Get ready.
138
00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:17,497
It's coming up. All right, you're okay
on the right.
139
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:21,376
- Never too early to move over.
- You know, Dad, I was wondering.
140
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:26,923
What inspired you to choose that uniquely
American, man-made wonder, Mount Rushmore?
141
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:29,426
It's obvious. We've got a week off.
142
00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:32,429
That's as far as we can go in three
and a half days and make it back.
143
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:36,391
We get there, get out, walk around
the Valley of the Presidents, drive back.
144
00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:39,769
Boom. Another fine landmark
under our belts.
145
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:43,356
You've certainly got this trip
well-planned, Mr. Crane.
146
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,816
Whenever I take a holiday,
147
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:48,945
I just grab a fresh pair of knickers
and see where the wind takes me.
148
00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:53,241
Niles, Niles.
149
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,160
[tires screeching]
150
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:10,175
You know what, what Daphne's saying is
what we should really be doing.
151
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,468
What are you talking about?
152
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:16,139
Well, now, why should we be so beholden
to maps and schedules? We should roam.
153
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:19,726
America has always been enchanted
with the romance of the open highway.
154
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:24,522
Jack Kerouac went "on the road."
Buzz and Todd got their kicks on Route 66.
155
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:26,733
The adventure is in the journey.
156
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,234
We should just ramble.
157
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:29,819
Doggone it, I'm inspired.
158
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,446
I'm gonna put on a baseball cap.
159
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:34,616
Frasier, watch it.
You're gonna miss the turnoff.
160
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:36,159
- So?
- We'll get lost.
161
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:38,328
Lost from where?
We're in a house on wheels.
162
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,996
Wherever we go, we're home.
163
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,749
It's coming up! It's coming up!
All right, turn here!
164
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:45,668
- This is it! Turn! Turn here!
- Dad!
165
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,545
We missed it!
166
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:53,468
- Dad, we didn't miss anything.
- Oh, my God!
167
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:02,060
We are now on the road less traveled.
From now on, there is a new order.
168
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,646
We dance to the rhythm of the road.
169
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:06,731
All right, don't worry
about anything. Now. I--
170
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:09,442
There's gotta be an access road
leading back onto that turnoff.
171
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,194
Oh, where is it?
172
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:13,988
Where is it? Oh, it's always in the crack!
173
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,994
So is life, Dad.
174
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,293
I've gotta say, I was anxious,
175
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,379
but I'm starting to like
this free spirit stuff.
176
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,841
Dad, Dad, look.
There's an historical marker up ahead.
177
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:36,636
- Let's stop. Let's go see it, huh?
- Just driving wherever you feel like it.
178
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:40,890
It's educational, Dad.
There. There. There.
179
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:43,977
- What did it say?
- I have no idea.
180
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,187
The only word I saw was "legendary."
181
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:51,609
Oh, look, a roadside stand, fresh fruit,
homemade apple cider.
182
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:54,737
- Dad, Dad, Dad.
- Dad, Dad, Dad.
183
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:56,573
Oh!
184
00:10:57,448 --> 00:11:00,535
Oh, Dad, you seem to be missing
the freewheeling concept.
185
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:05,290
We're supposed to go
where the wind blows us, for God's sake.
186
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:08,459
It's blowing. We're going.
Why are you moaning?
187
00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:12,255
What is this obsession you have
with covering a certain distance?
188
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:15,216
- It's the way I relax. Hey, watch it!
- [car horn honks]
189
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:16,801
I've got my kids in the car!
190
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:18,553
Whoa!
191
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:25,977
What you call relaxing seems like a man
with an obsession to me.
192
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:27,395
Don't you think so, Niles?
193
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:29,314
Niles, what are you doing?
194
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,942
Taking a vacation video,
something we can look at years from now,
195
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,403
- over and over and over again.
- Just give me that.
196
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:40,033
Okay, you guys wanna stop so bad,
we'll stop. See that sign over there?
197
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,202
"Have your picture taken
with a live grizzly bear.
198
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,245
Marvella's Souvenirs and Gifts. One mile."
199
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:46,789
I always wanted to have my picture taken
with a bear.
200
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:49,125
Well, some dreams cannot be denied.
201
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:52,378
Okay, Dad, you're good here.
You're good on my side, Dad.
202
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,881
Ease her right over.
It's never too early to change lanes.
203
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,008
Oh, my God, it must be genetic.
204
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,393
[barking]
205
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:10,939
Get your dog away from my bear.
I just had him cleaned.
206
00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:12,523
He's stuffed.
207
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:15,693
You know your sign said a live bear.
208
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,612
It's an old sign.
209
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,616
Look at that view.
It's like we're really there.
210
00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,284
Yes, if we were actually there, Dad,
211
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:26,162
we'd be whizzing by it
at 50 miles an hour.
212
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,706
Oh, Frasier, look,
the gourmet food department.
213
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:31,292
Oh, homemade deer jerky.
214
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,086
- "No sampling."
- No problem.
215
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:33,920
[Martin] Okay.
216
00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:37,382
Excuse me, would you
take our picture please?
217
00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:41,219
Niles, Frasier, come on up here.
Okay, everybody, all right.
218
00:12:41,219 --> 00:12:43,888
Here we go. Everybody ready?
Now, what should we do?
219
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,431
How about this?
220
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:49,143
That's great. I like that.
Okay, everybody! Eddie.
221
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,854
Before I take it, you know
it's $10 Canadian.
222
00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,898
For a treasured memory like this,
what's money?
223
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,608
Okay, one.
224
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,235
Why would she want Canadian dollars?
225
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,820
- [woman] Two.
- Because we're in Canada.
226
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,280
- Three.
- [screaming]
227
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,492
We're in Canada?
228
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:07,453
Yeah. We crossed the border
a while ago. You were taking a nap.
229
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:12,041
But I can't be in Canada. I'm not allowed
to leave the United States.
230
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:12,959
Why?
231
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:16,087
Because I don't have my green card yet!
232
00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:18,965
Oh, this is just perfect!
233
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,009
Three months till my final interview.
234
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:25,555
The one thing they told me not to do
was leave the country, and what do you do?
235
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:29,934
Wait until the first time I fall asleep
and drag me across the bleeding border!
236
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,561
They're never gonna let me back in!
237
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:33,980
They have to take you back.
It's not your fault.
238
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:37,358
This wouldn't have happened if you weren't
hell-bent on getting so many miles!
239
00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:39,110
You had to go where the wind blows!
240
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:40,153
[both shouting]
241
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:46,784
[blows duck caller]
242
00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:52,623
Never mind whose fault it is.
I'm stuck here. What am I gonna do?
243
00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:56,085
We'll explain to the authorities. I'm sure
mishaps like this happen all the time.
244
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,588
Oh, get real, Niles.
They've got their rules.
245
00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:01,924
- Oh, then, what's your solution, Dad?
- Just sneak her back across the border.
246
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,551
That's called smuggling.
247
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,970
Oh, thanks, Niles.
248
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:09,599
I knew it was something bad guys did.
I just didn't know the technical term.
249
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:11,517
Dad, I can't believe that you,
250
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:14,062
a former policeman,
are suggesting that we commit a felony.
251
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:16,314
Oh, I've crossed this border plenty.
252
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:19,776
Ninety-nine times out of a hundred,
the guards peek in and wave you through.
253
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:20,777
It's no big deal.
254
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:23,529
- Come on, let's get out of here.
- [Niles] What if they pull us over?
255
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:26,866
Well, then, Daphne's just gotta convince
them that she's an American.
256
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:27,992
[Daphne] Bloody right.
257
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:32,330
Beats having my bum bounced back
across the pond. Let's give it a bash.
258
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,791
Oh, yes. This is foolproof.
259
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:42,382
[Niles] I'm about to defraud
the United States Immigration Department.
260
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,592
Not just me, my father
and my older brother,
261
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,427
people who are supposed
to be role models.
262
00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:48,763
It's not my fault. I'm the product
of a bad environment.
263
00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:52,892
Now, listen, on the off-chance
the guard asks you a question,
264
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,395
can you say anything
in an American accent?
265
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,188
- [in American accent] Sure.
- Okay, what?
266
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,981
[in normal voice] You just heard it.
267
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,733
- What?
- [in American accent] Sure.
268
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,862
[in normal voice]
That's it. That's all I can say.
269
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,531
Oh, I need a cup of tea.
270
00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:07,824
Tea?
271
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:12,036
Why not just wave a crumpet in the air
and start singing "God Save the Queen"?
272
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,833
Don't you snap at her, Frasier.
You're a psychiatrist.
273
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,751
You should be in control
of your emotions.
274
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,337
Oh, my God. There's the border.
I can see the line of cars!
275
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:25,007
All right! All right! All right, now,
everybody calm down. We're gonna be fine.
276
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:27,802
Just remember, they're gonna be
looking for suspicious behavior.
277
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,638
Niles, that qualifies.
278
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,058
All right, now,
if the guard pokes his head in here,
279
00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,852
what did we say he's gonna see?
280
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:38,855
[all] Four carefree Americans.
281
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:43,067
- I've never been so nervous.
- I don't think there's any need to be.
282
00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:46,904
They're waving everybody through.
They're not asking questions.
283
00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:50,283
- Please. Please. Please.
- [Frasier] They're waving us through.
284
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,701
They're waving us through.
285
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,870
They're pulling us over.
286
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,290
They're pulling us over.
287
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,880
- [Martin] Here comes the guard.
- [Daphne] I can't do this.
288
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:07,383
Now this is gonna be fine. Don't worry.
Just remember to keep your answers short.
289
00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:09,760
People who have something to hide
always talk too much.
290
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:11,971
Hi, folks.
291
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:12,889
- Hi.
- Hi there.
292
00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,348
- Good time in Canada?
- [Martin] Great.
293
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:15,391
[Frasier] Oh, Canada, wow.
294
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,351
What was the purpose
of your trip to Canada?
295
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:20,813
Fun.
296
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:30,448
I see. And where were you born, sir?
297
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:31,782
Uh, Seattle, Washington.
298
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:35,411
Oh, you want to know what country.
America, of course.
299
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:39,582
I'm quite an American. I vote all the time
and always for the law-and-order guy.
300
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,667
- That's all right.
- I don't need any more detail.
301
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:43,586
And you, miss.
302
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:46,756
Did you enjoy Canada?
303
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:48,090
[in American accent] Sure.
304
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,596
- And the weather?
- Sure. Sure.
305
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,559
- Is this your vehicle sir?
- No.
306
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,436
Yes, yes. Well, I rented it.
307
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:04,440
Yes, it's American-made.
I always look for that union label.
308
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,692
- I need your license and registration.
- Oh, right.
309
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:09,987
It's right here in the little side pocket.
Here is the registration.
310
00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:13,407
Let me get my license out for you.
Yeah, here we are.
311
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:16,744
Stay right here.
312
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:22,250
Well, I certainly can depend
on my gang, can't I?
313
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,756
That's it. I'm going to be arrested.
314
00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:30,883
[in normal voice]
We're all getting arrested.
315
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,594
Yes, but I have delicate features.
Prison will be hell for me.
316
00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:37,640
Cool it, Niles.
317
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,476
It's too late to turn back.
318
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:43,521
- I say we make a run for it.
- Oh, oh, great idea.
319
00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:46,107
A high-speed chase
in an eight-ton motor home.
320
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:50,152
It will make an amusing anecdote
for the border guard newsletter.
321
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,904
Will everybody just shut up?
322
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:55,199
Now, you keep babbling like this,
they're gonna catch us for sure.
323
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:56,367
He's coming back.
324
00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,371
Well, these check out.
325
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,498
[both speaking indistinctly]
326
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,420
Miss, you've been very quiet. ls there
something I should know here?
327
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,632
You seem awfully nervous.
328
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:14,927
May I have your name?
329
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:24,020
All right. All right. I guess I should
have known better than to try this.
330
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,855
- Dad, don't.
- It was just a mistake.
331
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:28,691
You men wanna just back off?
What is it you want to say, sir?
332
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:31,777
We were trying to put one over on you.
333
00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:33,613
Eddie.
334
00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:38,701
We don't have a rabies certificate
for the dog.
335
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,495
I knew something was going on here.
336
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,914
Yeah, well, you see, we weren't planning
on coming here,
337
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:46,167
and we got to the border,
we just forgot about it.
338
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:48,252
Yes, and I didn't even know
that you needed one.
339
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:51,297
Yes, but ignorance of the law
is no defense,
340
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,549
so take the little dog away,
and we'll be off.
341
00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:00,056
Look, this is my fault.
342
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:03,517
But if you're worried we picked the dog up
here in Canada, well, we didn't.
343
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,645
I mean, I've got a picture I can show you.
344
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:09,106
Here's a picture of him taken
at the Seattle Space Needle.
345
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,527
- I see you've got a badge there.
- Oh, yeah.
346
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,740
- You a policeman?
- Retired.
347
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:19,867
Thirty years on the Seattle Police Force.
348
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:21,911
Me, of all people,
should know better, huh?
349
00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:23,788
- Absolutely.
- Definitely.
350
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:24,955
[in American accent] Sure.
351
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:32,463
Next time, remember
the rabies certificate.
352
00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:34,465
- Have a safe trip home.
- Thanks, officer.
353
00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:35,299
Thank you.
354
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:38,594
[in normal voice] Yeah!
355
00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:40,846
Drive!
356
00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:50,606
- [barks]
- They would have returned you eventually.
357
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,405
- So Dad, how long till we get home?
- Oh, about two hours.
358
00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:59,323
This highway goes right into Seattle.
359
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:01,659
Why don't you lean back? Take a nap.
360
00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,077
No, I'm okay.
361
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:08,958
- I thought maybe we'd chat a little bit.
- Oh, yeah. Great.
362
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,554
You know, Frasier, I just can't help it.
363
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,640
When we're alone together,
I just don't know what the hell to say.
364
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:28,561
I'm sure you figured out that's why
I asked Daphne to come along.
365
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,981
Well, I had my suspicions,
but I'd hoped that wasn't the case wi--
366
00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:35,234
Oh, knock it off. That's why
you asked Niles to come along too.
367
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:38,112
Well, that's why I asked him,
but that's not why he came.
368
00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:42,116
You know, funny thing.
369
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:44,994
We didn't have such a bad time, did we?
370
00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:50,875
"I see you've got a badge there."
"Oh, yeah."
371
00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:55,713
- Pretty slick, huh?
- Yeah.
372
00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:06,766
You know, Dad, there's no reason
to cut our trip short.
373
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,435
According to this map,
we're not that far from Yellowstone.
374
00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:13,647
- Oh, I always wanted to see Old Faithful.
- Me too.
375
00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:15,191
If you want a real adventure,
376
00:21:15,191 --> 00:21:18,194
we could drop these
two sleeping beauties off home first.
377
00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:22,323
- You mean it? Just the two of us alone?
- Yeah.
378
00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:26,076
- Just you and me, father and son?
- Yeah.
379
00:21:26,076 --> 00:21:29,371
Yeah, you and me camping out
in Yellowstone all alone.
380
00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:30,998
All by ourselves.
381
00:21:39,757 --> 00:21:45,012
Well, you know, it'd be a shame if Daphne
didn't get to see those Indian Paint Pots.
382
00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:46,263
Yes. Of course.
383
00:21:46,263 --> 00:21:48,891
- They are a real miracle of nature.
- Yeah.
384
00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:52,645
Wouldn't be fair to leave Niles
in that old house all by himself.
385
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:56,482
- With Maris out of town, that'd be cruel.
- Yeah, absolutely.
386
00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:59,068
How long will it take us
to get to Yellowstone?
387
00:21:59,068 --> 00:22:01,195
If we drive all night,
we'll be there tomorrow.
388
00:22:01,195 --> 00:22:04,073
Oh. It'll be a nice surprise for them
in the morning.
389
00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:06,492
Yeah. I've got a better surprise
than that.
390
00:22:06,492 --> 00:22:08,494
Let's tell Daphne we're in Mexico.
391
00:22:16,293 --> 00:22:17,461
[theme music playing]
392
00:22:17,461 --> 00:22:22,007
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin'
Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
393
00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:24,468
♪ Mercy ♪
394
00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:26,679
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
395
00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:29,473
♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
396
00:22:29,473 --> 00:22:31,600
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
397
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,310
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
398
00:22:33,310 --> 00:22:36,355
♪ With those tossed salads
And scrambled eggs ♪
399
00:22:37,690 --> 00:22:39,942
♪ They're callin' again ♪
400
00:22:40,442 --> 00:22:42,319
♪ Good night, Seattle, we love you! ♪