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[theme music playing]
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Hello, Rachel. I'm listening.
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[Rachel] Oh, thanks for taking my call,
Dr. Crane.
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00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:17,267
Um, I'm involved
in sort of a strange love triangle.
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Oh, goody, this is Sweeps Week.
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You see, I recently married a widower.
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Now, Phil is a real good man,
he's a kind man...
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but there's just one little problem.
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He insists on keeping an urn
with his late wife's ashes
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on the dresser in our bedroom.
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That is a definite "yikes!"
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See, I knew that wasn't normal.
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- He says it is, but I knew it wasn't.
- All right, Rachel,
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now listen,
before you go off half-cocked,
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let's try to remember that this is
a very sensitive issue for your husband.
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Those ashes obviously mean
a great deal to him,
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and although I don't believe
it's appropriate
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that he keep them in the bedroom,
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I suppose you could maybe move them
to another room.
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Well, I guess I could try that.
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- Maybe I'll move them into the guest room.
- Ah.
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- [urn shatters over phone]
- Oops.
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Rachel, what happened?
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Oh, oh, nothing.
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I'd better run, Dr. Crane.
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I've got some vacuuming to do.
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[dial tone hums]
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Well, as Rachel helps
Phil's first wife off the floor,
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we have reached the end
of our second hour.
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We'll be right back after the news,
so please join me again,
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Frasier Crane,
and my invaluable producer...
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uh...
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uh...
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- Roz.
- Roz!
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On KACL, talk radio, 780 AM.
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Roz, I'm so sorry.
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Your name was right there in front of me.
I just couldn't put my finger on it.
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Forget about it. I already have.
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It's been happening to me a lot lately.
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Last night I walked into the kitchen,
and I just stood there.
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I couldn't remember what I'd gone in for.
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Don't make yourself crazy over it.
It's completely normal.
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- Okay.
- Oh, by the way, your hairstylist called
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to confirm your appointment.
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I made an appointment with Temo?
I don't remember that.
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Because you didn't.
I was just gaslighting you.
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That is not funny.
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Oh, lighten up.
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Here, sign these.
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Are you gonna say it,
or make me wait till the end of the day?
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Say what?
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Happy birthday.
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It is not your birthday.
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Oh, God. Oh, God, it is.
Oh, oh, Roz, I'm so sorry.
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Let me take you to lunch
or something after work.
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You're so easy!
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Oh. Oh. That's it.
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I'm out of here.
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[Roz] Hey, wait,
aren't you forgetting something?
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No, I am not forgetting anything.
Thank you, Roz.
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Okay. Well, can't blame a girl for trying.
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Five, four, three, two, one.
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We're back.
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[Eddie whining]
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Ten.
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- Fifteen, two.
- [Eddie barks]
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[Niles] No. Eddie, no.
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[Eddie whining]
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Dad, would you ask your dog
to stop burrowing at my shoes?
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I had to wait six months
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to have these shipped
from a little blind cobbler in Seville.
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He won't stop
till you scratch him behind the ear.
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All right, Eddie, all right.
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You know, I'm beginning to think
I have an affinity for animals.
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Would either of you mind
if I noodle at the piano a bit?
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Would it really stop you if we said yes?
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Point well taken.
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[playing classical motif]
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That's strange.
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For the life of me,
I can't remember what the next note is.
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[playing discordant notes]
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I know this piece backwards and forwards.
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Perhaps if you start at the end,
you'll have better luck.
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[plays hesitantly]
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Come on, Fras, you know how it goes.
It goes:
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[scatting tunelessly]
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Oh, thank you, Dad.
Now it's perfectly clear.
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[banging discordant notes]
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[cover thumps]
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That was very nice, son.
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How about something from South Pacific?
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I'm sorry.
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I'm just getting fed up
with this nonsense.
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I'm forgetting names all the time.
You know, last week,
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twice I forgot where I parked my car.
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Join the club, pal.
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You're getting older.
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Well, of course I'm getting older.
We're all getting older.
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But I'm not that old.
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Oh, I'm afraid Dad may have a point.
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I know you'd like to believe we're still
the same devilish sprigs we always were...
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sitting on Mother's davenport
in our tweeds and tams,
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listening to the Texaco Symphonic Hour.
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But the cold, hard reality is,
you're middle-aged.
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Niles, I'm 41.
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That's hardly middle-aged.
Middle age is more like 50, 55.
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Only if you live to be 110.
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- I'm all ready to go, Dr. Crane.
- Niles, where are you two off to?
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[Niles] I'm giving Daphne a lift.
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I'm meeting some of my girlfriends
for darts and a couple of pints.
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It's best to do it in that order.
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Just ask Blind Willy, the bartender.
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Listen, Daphne, before you go,
I'd like to ask you a little question.
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When you look at me, um...
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do you see me as a young man
or as an older man?
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Oh, no. No, you don't.
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You're not getting me into that Vietnam.
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I learned a long time ago
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there are three questions you never answer
honestly: "How old do I look?"
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"Do you like my hair?"
And "Was it good for you too?"
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Coming, Dr. Crane?
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Dr. Crane?
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I'm sorry, I was someplace else.
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It was a warm and friendly place.
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Big surprise, I got a headache.
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I need to get an aspirin.
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The very suggestion
that I'm descending into old age
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just because I can't remember
a couple of names or a tune on the piano.
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Your arm's not quite long enough
for that, is it?
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Let me ask you a few questions.
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Can you still get through the night
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without having to get up
to go to the john?
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Can you get in and out of a chair
without going "Unhh"?
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Can you eat a slice of pizza
less than 12 hours before you go to bed?
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What's on the pizza?
136
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Ah.
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I thought so.
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All right, now that we've established
you're middle-aged, take some advice:
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Don't fight it. It'll go a lot easier.
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Dad, what are you suggesting?
I'm gonna rush off to a plastic surgeon
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to get an eye lift and a chin tuck?
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Oh, dear God.
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I'm just telling you,
when guys get to this stage,
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they do some squirrelly things
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they never would've done
when they were younger.
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Dad, please spare me.
I am a psychiatrist. I know the routine.
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Good Lord, who is that?
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That's me, in '74,
going through my own little stage.
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I dyed my hair jet black and bought
a leather jacket and a Harley-Davidson.
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My God, Dad,
you look like one of the Village People.
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Well, fortunately, I came to my senses
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before you got back
from Harvard that summer.
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- Are those love beads?
- All right.
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That's enough.
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Just do me a favor, will you?
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Keep your guard up
and don't do something stupid, all right?
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Okay, Dad.
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You might think it's tough
being middle-aged, but think about me.
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I got a son who's middle-aged.
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[grunts]
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[Martin] I heard that.
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[quiet chatter]
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Say, didn't this used to be
Pinski's Department Store?
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I have no idea.
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Sure, it was. We used to bring
you kids here all the time.
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Man, it was a great store.
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You could buy lingerie, a bag of popcorn
168
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and transmission fluid
all under the same roof.
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Finally, something I'm glad I forgot.
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Well, Mr. Crane,
I believe I came here on a mission.
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All right, but remember, I don't want
anything fancy or that comes in tubes.
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I want them white, I want them plain,
and I want them boxers.
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That's exactly the kind of lack of
imagination that sunk the British Empire.
174
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,338
Hey, Frasier, check out these dress pants.
175
00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,382
They've got elastic panels in the waist.
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00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,677
You can eat all you want and never worry
about cutting off your circulation.
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00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,264
Milan must be beside itself.
178
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,268
What an innovative use
of synthetic fibers.
179
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:24,064
I believe if you recycle these,
they can turn them into milk containers.
180
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Are you gonna get them or not?
181
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You brought these over for me?
182
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:33,490
Hey, the sands of time are shifting,
buddy, mostly south.
183
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:37,077
Now, if you don't want to go with elastic,
maybe you can go with suspenders.
184
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,828
That way if you keep your jacket closed,
185
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,664
that little gut of yours can hang down
to here and nobody's the wiser.
186
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,416
I do not have a gut.
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I have... contours.
188
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Excuse me.
189
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:51,174
I was wondering if anyone was helping you.
190
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:54,219
[Martin] Oh, no!
She's looking at something with stripes!
191
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:55,386
Daphne! Daphne!
192
00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:57,097
Get away from there! Come on.
193
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Let's go.
194
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,266
You're not thinking
of getting those, are you?
195
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,186
- Oh. Oh, no.
- [saleswoman] I have something better.
196
00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:05,939
What do you think of these?
They don't do much on the hanger,
197
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:09,025
but they could really work
on a nice tall guy like you.
198
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,902
Oh, you really think so?
199
00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:12,987
Yeah. You've got a great build.
200
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:16,282
Oh. Oh, thank you very much, uh...
201
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,784
- Carrie.
- Ah. Carrie.
202
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,286
[Carrie] Let's see what
we can get working here. Um...
203
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:23,540
This is kind of a young look,
but you could really pull it off.
204
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,835
I don't really think it's me.
205
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:29,462
Are you sure? I think this would look
really good on you.
206
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,297
Well, I suppose I could try it on.
207
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:35,051
But, you know, just out of curiosity,
how old do you think I am?
208
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,178
Oh, I don't want to do that.
209
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:40,140
- No, no, no, please, go ahead.
- I don't know, um...
210
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:41,891
36?
211
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,476
Are you serious?
212
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,061
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
213
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,813
You're probably more like 34.
214
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,857
Now you don't want to buy anything
from me.
215
00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:51,943
Are those, uh, Armani shirts expensive?
216
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:56,656
- Yeah.
- I'll take two.
217
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,534
- Great. Changing rooms are right this way.
- Ah.
218
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:03,454
You know, I love to guess
what my customers do by what they wear.
219
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:07,083
Let me guess, you're an architect, right?
220
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,960
No, I'm a psychiatrist.
221
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,713
Oh. I've taken some psychology courses.
222
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:14,174
What are you, Freudian? Reichian?
223
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,801
Well, actually, lately I've been
leaning more towards Jung.
224
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:19,179
I guess that's because
I'm just "Jung" at heart.
225
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,641
That's gotta be the oldest joke
in the psychiatrist's joke book.
226
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:24,976
Can't even believe I said it.
227
00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:27,312
I can't believe I laughed at that.
228
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,189
I'll bet you laugh
at all your customers' jokes.
229
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,982
No, just the cute ones.
230
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,361
Cute jokes or customers?
231
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,613
You figure it out.
232
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,043
[Martin] Hey, you about ready?
233
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,629
Oh, just a second, Dad.
I'm trying on a pair of pants.
234
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,340
Hey, did you notice that girl that came
over and asked to help us earlier?
235
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:57,425
Sure, I noticed her. I'm not dead.
236
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,471
Well, you know, we just had
a little conversation a minute ago,
237
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:04,224
and I could swear
she was flirting with me.
238
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,437
Trust me, son, she's on commission.
239
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,650
Oh, no. I know a sales pitch
when I hear one,
240
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,151
and that was no sales pitch.
241
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,861
She is definitely interested in me.
242
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,947
I'll just have to see where this may lead.
243
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,740
I know you're forgetting things lately,
244
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:24,244
but don't you remember
the little talk we had last night?
245
00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:28,122
Oh, dear.
It sneaks right up on you, doesn't it?
246
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:30,416
What am I thinking about?
247
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:34,087
A 41 -year-old man going out
with a girl that's 22, 23.
248
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,089
Yeah. Young enough to be your daughter.
249
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,258
Yes, thank you for pointing that out, Dad.
250
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,721
This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL,
251
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:46,683
780 talk radio,
thanking you for joining us today.
252
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:52,063
Up next, Bob "Bulldog" Brisco
and The Gonzo Sports Show.
253
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:56,317
Until tomorrow,
here's wishing you good mental health.
254
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,488
Hey, doc. Hear the great news?
255
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:03,157
Ken Griffey Jr.'s groin pull
is completely healed.
256
00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:04,158
Thank goodness.
257
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:06,661
I'm sure years from now,
we'll all remember where we were
258
00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:08,788
the moment we heard the joyful news.
259
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:10,999
Excuse me, Dr. Crane?
260
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,375
- Hi, Carrie.
- [Carrie] Hi.
261
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,252
I have your pants.
262
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:16,045
Wow. Doc. [honks horn]
263
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,217
- Where'd you leave them?
- They're new, Bulldog.
264
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,303
Some of the finer department stores
deliver garments
265
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,512
to their busier customers.
266
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:27,724
Actually, we don't. I just thought
it would be nice to see you again.
267
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:30,435
Excuse me, uh, you look very familiar.
268
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:36,107
Didn't I let you pour a flaming tequila
shooter down my throat at Sloppy Nick's
269
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:37,984
during last year's Indy 500?
270
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:40,737
- Uh, no.
- Ah.
271
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,864
Well, what are you doing
next Memorial Day?
272
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:46,034
Bulldog, as certain as I am
that any young lady in the world
273
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:48,077
would love to set your face on fire,
274
00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:50,580
- Carrie, I believe, is here to see me.
- Okay.
275
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,582
Hey, you can't blame a dog for trying.
276
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:57,170
Just on the odd chance it might
make a difference, I drive a '94 Camaro.
277
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:01,674
Is he gay?
278
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:05,762
Well, I've been studying
about this in school,
279
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,347
and it seems
like he's overcompensating.
280
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,431
[Frasier] Yes, well,
281
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:11,601
I'm not sure, but I certainly look forward
to running that theory by him.
282
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:18,024
Well, thank you for the pants, Carrie,
and, uh... do I owe you anything?
283
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,275
Oh, no.
284
00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:22,278
I really enjoyed meeting you yesterday,
285
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,822
and it seemed like we had
a few laughs together,
286
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:29,327
and maybe we could, you know,
go out and have a cup of coffee sometime.
287
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:33,206
Listen, Carrie, I, uh-- I'm very flattered
that you'd like to go out with me,
288
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,959
because I think
you're a beautiful young woman.
289
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:38,920
But...?
290
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,797
Well, it's our ages.
291
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,006
How old are you?
292
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:43,216
Twenty-two.
293
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,425
How old are you?
294
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:45,802
That's not polite.
295
00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,890
I just don't think it would be appropriate
for us to date.
296
00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:53,518
How about we just live together?
297
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,897
I'm just trying to lighten
an uncomfortable moment.
298
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,108
Right. Ha, ha. Well done.
299
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,610
Well, I'm sorry.
300
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:06,030
But if you change your mind,
you know where I am.
301
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,448
Enjoy your pants.
302
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,785
Same to you.
303
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,752
I only got a second here, but... hello?!
304
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,171
Anyone there?
305
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:25,842
She wanted to go out with you.
306
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,260
You didn't have to chase her.
307
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,095
You didn't have to harass her.
308
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,596
You didn't have to pay her.
309
00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:33,391
It was like a miracle.
310
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:36,686
- Oh... She's too young.
- Are you following any of this?
311
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,187
Look, I don't expect you to understand.
312
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,939
I don't.
So you're not going out with her?
313
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,149
- No, I'm not.
- Good.
314
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,484
I'm gonna see if I can catch up
with her at the elevator.
315
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:46,404
Maybe she's never dated
a former professional hockey player.
316
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:47,822
You've never played hockey.
317
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:50,992
It's like we're from different planets.
318
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:54,495
Talk about pathetic.
319
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:55,580
Yeah, isn't he, though?
320
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:56,706
I meant you.
321
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:59,667
Me? Are you saying
I should go out with her?
322
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:03,212
Frasier, take it from me.
It's hard enough to find somebody.
323
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:05,840
So when an opportunity like this
comes along, you've gotta grab it.
324
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,009
Yeah, Roz, but what about the age thing?
325
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:09,760
- Well, what about it?
- Oh, come on.
326
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,846
You see an old man
walking down the street arm-in-arm
327
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:14,640
with a beautiful young girl,
what do you think?
328
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,101
I think he must be really rich.
329
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:21,314
- Then I try to make eye contact.
- Ah.
330
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,528
[quiet chatter]
331
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:29,780
[Niles] There you are, Frasier.
332
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,824
- Oh, Niles.
- I'm so glad you called me.
333
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,451
Well, thanks for coming, Niles.
334
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:38,414
Some of Maris' friends introduced me to
the most delightful party game last night.
335
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,832
I can't wait to share it with you.
336
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,919
- Niles, I'd really like to talk--
- No, no. Shh. This first. It's a hoot.
337
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,797
If you were stranded on a desert island
with one meal,
338
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:50,218
one aria and one bottle of wine,
what would they be?
339
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:51,928
- Niles, I really don't think--
- Frasier.
340
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:53,804
Okay.
341
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:57,517
A Big Mac, "I'm Your Venus" and Ripple.
342
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,732
If you're going to mock the game,
then don't play.
343
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:06,651
Gladly.
344
00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:09,654
Are you still cramped up
about this middle-aged business?
345
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,113
No, no, no. I'm fine there.
346
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:14,951
- By the way, you were absolutely right.
- Ooh. I love to hear you say that.
347
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,285
But I do have a problem.
348
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:19,789
You see, the other day,
I was asked out by, uh,
349
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,917
this 22-year-old girl
that I met in a mall.
350
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,293
That is alarming.
351
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,586
Well, I turned her down.
352
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:26,671
No, you were in a mall.
353
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,089
Did anyone see you?
354
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,049
Niles.
355
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,426
Now I'm just wondering
if I made the right decision.
356
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:35,471
You see, I mean,
I would love to go out with this girl.
357
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,597
She's fantastic.
358
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:40,309
I'm just afraid of looking like
some old fool chasing after a young girl,
359
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:45,231
becoming a walking midlife-crisis cliché,
360
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:48,859
running around
like that buffoon Stanley Barrister.
361
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:50,528
Oh, Stanley Barrister.
That is embarrassing.
362
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:52,405
- Is it not beyond the pale?
- She's just a chippy.
363
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:55,157
- [Frasier] How old could she be?
- Twenty-one if she's a day.
364
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,826
[Frasier] That's what's so frightening.
365
00:17:56,826 --> 00:18:00,037
I saw them last Tuesday night.
366
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:01,956
And I saw them together Wednesday morning.
367
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,417
[both] Ew.
368
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,837
- That's disgusting.
- Well, this is what I'm afraid of.
369
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:09,880
People will have
the same conversation about me.
370
00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:13,301
Stanley Barrister is a 60-year-old man
371
00:18:13,301 --> 00:18:16,721
who wears a toupee that looks like
something he pulled out of a shower drain.
372
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:22,393
You are 41
and obviously not wearing a toupee.
373
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,188
Thank you, Niles.
374
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,734
So you think it would be okay
to go out with this woman?
375
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:30,943
It doesn't matter what I think.
376
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,029
It does to me. You're my brother.
I value your opinion.
377
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:34,614
My opinion isn't relevant.
378
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,032
Don't be coy, Niles.
379
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,950
And would you please
stop pursing your lips?
380
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:41,078
It makes you look like one of those
old women they carve out of dried apples.
381
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:48,628
Don't you see, what I think about you
dating a younger woman is immaterial.
382
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,297
What we think
about Stanley Barrister is immaterial.
383
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:52,923
The only thing that matters
is what you think.
384
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:56,177
Ask yourself, if you went out with her,
would you be doing it
385
00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:57,845
because you're running away
from your age
386
00:18:57,845 --> 00:18:59,513
or because you think
this has the potential
387
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:01,140
to become a meaningful relationship?
388
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:03,517
I don't know.
389
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:07,104
Find out. And then to hell
with what people think.
390
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:08,981
Niles, you are absolutely right.
391
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,191
Oh. There it is again.
392
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,734
I never tire of hearing that.
393
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,820
Let the tongues
of the doubting nabobs wag.
394
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,906
If it feels right, make yourself happy.
395
00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:19,200
Thank you. Thank you.
396
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,203
Oh, by the way, Niles,
if you were stranded on a desert island,
397
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:25,414
what would you choose
as your favorite meal, aria and wine?
398
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,958
The coulibiac of salmon at Guy Savoy,
399
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,210
"Vissi d'arte" from Tosca,
400
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:32,546
and the Côtes du Rhone
Châteauneuf-du-Pape '47.
401
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,008
You are so predictable.
402
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,270
Carrie, hi. Uh...
403
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,815
Hi. I didn't expect to see you here.
404
00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:52,608
Well, I could lie to you and tell you
405
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:55,861
that I came down to shop,
but, actually, I came to see you.
406
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,656
That's great.
I've been thinking about you a lot.
407
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,659
I've been thinking a lot about you too,
and I wanted to chat a little bit
408
00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,786
about why I thought we shouldn't go out.
409
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:04,704
Okay.
410
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,997
You see, I thought
I was going through a phase,
411
00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:09,291
you know, just, well,
a midlife crisis, to be frank,
412
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,669
and I was afraid that if I went out
with you, I would be trying
413
00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:13,754
to just recapture my youth or something.
414
00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,756
Oh, my God.
I can't believe you're saying this.
415
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,591
I was afraid that I asked you out
416
00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:20,428
only because I was trying to work out
some stuff of my own.
417
00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:22,930
Some unresolved issues
about my father or something.
418
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,807
Oh, no, no. So I went back and forth.
419
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,684
I felt like a fool, and then I didn't.
420
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:28,310
Me too. Back and forth.
421
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,812
I thought maybe you just came along
422
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:32,148
to fill some sort of a need or something.
423
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,316
Or maybe this could be something serious.
424
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:39,780
Exactly. So, well, I asked myself
a few tough questions...
425
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:42,158
- Me too.
- ...and I finally came to a decision.
426
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,075
[Carrie] Me too.
427
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,870
I think us going out
would have been really stupid.
428
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:48,664
Me too!
429
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:53,252
It would have completely clouded things
with my father,
430
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,588
and you and I would never
have been on very firm footing.
431
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,131
But you knew all that.
432
00:20:57,131 --> 00:21:00,760
You could have told me,
but you let me figure it out for myself.
433
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:04,180
Yes. I'm sort of like the Wizard of Oz.
434
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:08,851
It's no wonder
everybody listens to your radio show.
435
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,478
You're so smart.
436
00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:13,981
Actually, I am full of crap.
437
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:19,695
I had no idea that you might be grappling
with some personal issues here.
438
00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,113
Some psychiatrist, huh?
439
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:26,327
The truth is, I came down here
to try to talk you into going out with me.
440
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:29,580
I guess it's still a pretty bad idea.
441
00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:32,374
You're being so honest with me.
442
00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:35,294
That is such an attractive quality
in a man.
443
00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:44,887
Well, let's, uh...
Let's not go down that road again.
444
00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:46,680
Okay.
445
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:49,475
See you around.
446
00:22:06,492 --> 00:22:09,328
[theme song playing]
447
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:14,333
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin'
Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
448
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,252
Quite stylish.
449
00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:21,257
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused
Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
450
00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:23,425
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
451
00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:25,135
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
452
00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:28,389
♪ With those tossed salads
And scrambled eggs ♪
453
00:22:30,391 --> 00:22:31,976
♪ They're callin' again ♪
454
00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:35,980
Scrambled eggs all over my face.
455
00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:37,481
What is a boy to do?
456
00:22:39,942 --> 00:22:41,235
Good night!