1
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:11,135
Hello, Rachel. I'm listening.
2
00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:13,554
Oh, thanks for taking my call,
Dr. Crane.
3
00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:17,266
Um, I'm involved
in sort of a strange love triangle.
4
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,310
Oh, goody, this is Sweeps Week.
5
00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:21,395
You see, I recently married a widower.
6
00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:24,274
Now, Phil is a real good man,
he's a kind man...
7
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,276
but there's just one little problem.
8
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:30,947
He insists on keeping an urn
with his late wife's ashes
9
00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:33,200
on the dresser in our bedroom.
10
00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,661
That is a definite "yikes!"
11
00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:37,954
See, I knew that wasn't normal.
12
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:40,164
- He says it is, but I knew it wasn't.
- All right, Rachel,
13
00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,333
now listen,
before you go off half-cocked,
14
00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:45,670
let's try to remember that this is
a very sensitive issue for your husband.
15
00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:48,089
Those ashes obviously mean
a great deal to him,
16
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:49,882
and although I don't believe
it's appropriate
17
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,467
that he keep them in the bedroom,
18
00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:54,136
I suppose you could maybe move them
to another room.
19
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,305
Well, I guess I could try that.
20
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,349
- Maybe I'll move them into the guest room.
- Ah.
21
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:00,143
Oops.
22
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,855
Rachel, what happened?
23
00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,357
Oh, oh, nothing.
24
00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:08,234
I'd better run, Dr. Crane.
25
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:09,819
I've got some vacuuming to do.
26
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:15,784
Well, as Rachel helps
Phil's first wife off the floor,
27
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,494
we have reached the end
of our second hour.
28
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:21,289
We'll be right back after the news,
so please join me again,
29
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,750
Frasier Crane,
and my invaluable producer...
30
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:27,337
uh...
31
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,090
uh...
32
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,009
- Roz.
- Roz!
33
00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:38,432
On KACL, talk radio, 780 AM.
34
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,021
Roz, I'm so sorry.
35
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:48,024
Your name was right there in front of me.
I just couldn't put my finger on it.
36
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,942
Forget about it. I already have.
37
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,069
It's been happening to me a lot lately.
38
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:54,739
Last night I walked into the kitchen,
and I just stood there.
39
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,949
I couldn't remember what I'd gone in for.
40
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,744
Don't make yourself crazy over it.
It's completely normal.
41
00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:01,954
- Okay.
- Oh, by the way, your hairstylist called
42
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,122
to confirm your appointment.
43
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,876
I made an appointment with Temo?
I don't remember that.
44
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,795
Because you didn't.
I was just gaslighting you.
45
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,213
That is not funny.
46
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,381
Oh, lighten up.
47
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:13,842
Here, sign these.
48
00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:19,722
Are you gonna say it,
or make me wait till the end of the day?
49
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:20,723
Say what?
50
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,350
Happy birthday.
51
00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:24,478
It is not your birthday.
52
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:29,899
Oh, God. Oh, God, it is.
Oh, oh, Roz, I'm so sorry.
53
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,859
Let me take you to lunch
or something after work.
54
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,069
You're so easy!
55
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,612
Oh. Oh. That's it.
56
00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:36,030
I'm out of here.
57
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,990
Hey, wait,
aren't you forgetting something?
58
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,409
No, I am not forgetting anything.
Thank you, Roz.
59
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,829
Okay. Well, can't blame a girl for trying.
60
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:48,293
Five, four, three, two, one.
61
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:49,753
We're back.
62
00:02:58,303 --> 00:02:59,137
Ten.
63
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:01,472
Fifteen, two.
64
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,140
No. Eddie, no.
65
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:07,688
Dad, would you ask your dog
to stop burrowing at my shoes?
66
00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:10,398
I had to wait six months
67
00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:13,068
to have these shipped
from a little blind cobbler in Seville.
68
00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:16,821
He won't stop
till you scratch him behind the ear.
69
00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,365
All right, Eddie, all right.
70
00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:29,042
You know, I'm beginning to think
I have an affinity for animals.
71
00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:33,504
Would either of you mind
if I noodle at the piano a bit?
72
00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,340
Would it really stop you if we said yes?
73
00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:37,300
Point well taken.
74
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:47,394
That's strange.
75
00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:50,897
For the life of me,
I can't remember what the next note is.
76
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:02,074
I know this piece backwards and forwards.
77
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,411
Perhaps if you start at the end,
you'll have better luck.
78
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:19,675
Come on, Fras, you know how it goes.
It goes:
79
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:23,346
Oh, thank you, Dad.
Now it's perfectly clear.
80
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,022
That was very nice, son.
81
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:35,150
How about something from South Pacific?
82
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:38,695
I'm sorry.
83
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:41,490
I'm just getting fed up
with this nonsense.
84
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,825
I'm forgetting names all the time.
You know, last week,
85
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,869
twice I forgot where I parked my car.
86
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,454
Join the club, pal.
87
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,830
You're getting older.
88
00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:52,458
Well, of course I'm getting older.
We're all getting older.
89
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,293
But I'm not that old.
90
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,003
Oh, I'm afraid Dad may have a point.
91
00:04:56,004 --> 00:05:00,425
I know you'd like to believe we're still
the same devilish sprigs we always were...
92
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:05,137
sitting on Mother's davenport
in our tweeds and tams,
93
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,349
listening to the Texaco Symphonic Hour.
94
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:12,646
But the cold, hard reality is,
you're middle-aged.
95
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,898
Niles, I'm 41.
96
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:19,443
That's hardly middle-aged.
Middle age is more like 50, 55.
97
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,571
Only if you live to be 110.
98
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:27,201
- I'm all ready to go, Dr. Crane.
- Niles, where are you two off to?
99
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:28,661
I'm giving Daphne a lift.
100
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:31,622
I'm meeting some of my girlfriends
for darts and a couple of pints.
101
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,415
It's best to do it in that order.
102
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,460
Just ask Blind Willy, the bartender.
103
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:42,007
Listen, Daphne, before you go,
I'd like to ask you a little question.
104
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,552
When you look at me, um...
105
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:47,096
do you see me as a young man
or as an older man?
106
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,014
Oh, no. No, you don't.
107
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,017
You're not getting me into that Vietnam.
108
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,769
I learned a long time ago
109
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:57,273
there are three questions you never answer
honestly: "How old do I look?"
110
00:05:57,274 --> 00:06:00,110
"Do you like my hair?"
And "Was it good for you too?"
111
00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:03,613
Coming, Dr. Crane?
112
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:08,910
Dr. Crane?
113
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,788
I'm sorry, I was someplace else.
114
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,876
It was a warm and friendly place.
115
00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:29,306
Big surprise, I got a headache.
116
00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:32,017
I need to get an aspirin.
117
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:36,437
The very suggestion
that I'm descending into old age
118
00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:40,150
just because I can't remember
a couple of names or a tune on the piano.
119
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,822
Your arm's not quite long enough
for that, is it?
120
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,033
Let me ask you a few questions.
121
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,618
Can you still get through the night
122
00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,746
without having to get up
to go to the john?
123
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,250
Can you get in and out of a chair
without going "Unhh"?
124
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:02,505
Can you eat a slice of pizza
less than 12 hours before you go to bed?
125
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:05,883
What's on the pizza?
126
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,177
Ah.
127
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:08,761
I thought so.
128
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:13,057
All right, now that we've established
you're middle-aged, take some advice:
129
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,185
Don't fight it. It'll go a lot easier.
130
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,646
Dad, what are you suggesting?
I'm gonna rush off to a plastic surgeon
131
00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:21,106
to get an eye lift and a chin tuck?
132
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:22,150
Oh, dear God.
133
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:26,737
I'm just telling you,
when guys get to this stage,
134
00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:28,072
they do some squirrelly things
135
00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:29,865
they never would've done
when they were younger.
136
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:33,078
Dad, please spare me.
I am a psychiatrist. I know the routine.
137
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,080
Good Lord, who is that?
138
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:39,750
That's me, in '74,
going through my own little stage.
139
00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:44,089
I dyed my hair jet black and bought
a leather jacket and a Harley-Davidson.
140
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,510
My God, Dad,
you look like one of the Village People.
141
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,013
Well, fortunately, I came to my senses
142
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,974
before you got back
from Harvard that summer.
143
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,394
- Are those love beads?
- All right.
144
00:07:58,770 --> 00:07:59,938
That's enough.
145
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,232
Just do me a favor, will you?
146
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,944
Keep your guard up
and don't do something stupid, all right?
147
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:07,695
Okay, Dad.
148
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:10,782
You might think it's tough
being middle-aged, but think about me.
149
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,035
I got a son who's middle-aged.
150
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,084
I heard that.
151
00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:32,136
Say, didn't this used to be
Pinski's Department Store?
152
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,470
I have no idea.
153
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:36,557
Sure, it was. We used to bring
you kids here all the time.
154
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,809
Man, it was a great store.
155
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,728
You could buy lingerie, a bag of popcorn
156
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:43,523
and transmission fluid
all under the same roof.
157
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,401
Finally, something I'm glad I forgot.
158
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,113
Well, Mr. Crane,
I believe I came here on a mission.
159
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:54,575
All right, but remember, I don't want
anything fancy or that comes in tubes.
160
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:57,454
I want them white, I want them plain,
and I want them boxers.
161
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:02,250
That's exactly the kind of lack of
imagination that sunk the British Empire.
162
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,337
Hey, Frasier, check out these dress pants.
163
00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,381
They've got elastic panels in the waist.
164
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,677
You can eat all you want and never worry
about cutting off your circulation.
165
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,264
Milan must be beside itself.
166
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,267
What an innovative use
of synthetic fibers.
167
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:24,064
I believe if you recycle these,
they can turn them into milk containers.
168
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:25,940
Are you gonna get them or not?
169
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,109
You brought these over for me?
170
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:33,489
Hey, the sands of time are shifting,
buddy, mostly south.
171
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:37,076
Now, if you don't want to go with elastic,
maybe you can go with suspenders.
172
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,827
That way if you keep your jacket closed,
173
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,663
that little gut of yours can hang down
to here and nobody's the wiser.
174
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,415
I do not have a gut.
175
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,627
I have... contours.
176
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,004
Excuse me.
177
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:51,174
I was wondering if anyone was helping you.
178
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:54,218
Oh, no!
She's looking at something with stripes!
179
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:55,385
Daphne! Daphne!
180
00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:57,096
Get away from there! Come on.
181
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:57,931
Let's go.
182
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,265
You're not thinking
of getting those, are you?
183
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,185
- Oh. Oh, no.
- I have something better.
184
00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:05,938
What do you think of these?
They don't do much on the hanger,
185
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:09,024
but they could really work
on a nice tall guy like you.
186
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,901
Oh, you really think so?
187
00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:12,986
Yeah. You've got a great build.
188
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:16,281
Oh. Oh, thank you very much, uh...
189
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,783
- Carrie.
- Ah. Carrie.
190
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,285
Let's see what
we can get working here. Um...
191
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:23,540
This is kind of a young look,
but you could really pull it off.
192
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,834
I don't really think it's me.
193
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:29,461
Are you sure? I think this would look
really good on you.
194
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,296
Well, I suppose I could try it on.
195
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:35,050
But, you know, just out of curiosity,
how old do you think I am?
196
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,177
Oh, I don't want to do that.
197
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:40,140
- No, no, no, please, go ahead.
- I don't know, um...
198
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:41,891
36?
199
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,475
Are you serious?
200
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,060
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
201
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,812
You're probably more like 34.
202
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,857
Now you don't want to buy anything
from me.
203
00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:51,943
Are those, uh, Armani shirts expensive?
204
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:56,655
- Yeah.
- I'll take two.
205
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,534
- Great. Changing rooms are right this way.
- Ah.
206
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:03,453
You know, I love to guess
what my customers do by what they wear.
207
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:07,082
Let me guess, you're an architect, right?
208
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,959
No, I'm a psychiatrist.
209
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,712
Oh. I've taken some psychology courses.
210
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:14,173
What are you, Freudian? Reichian?
211
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,800
Well, actually, lately I've been
leaning more towards Jung.
212
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:19,179
I guess that's because
I'm just "Jung" at heart.
213
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,640
That's gotta be the oldest joke
in the psychiatrist's joke book.
214
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:24,975
Can't even believe I said it.
215
00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:27,311
I can't believe I laughed at that.
216
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,188
I'll bet you laugh
at all your customers' jokes.
217
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,982
No, just the cute ones.
218
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,360
Cute jokes or customers?
219
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,613
You figure it out.
220
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,042
Hey, you about ready?
221
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,628
Oh, just a second, Dad.
I'm trying on a pair of pants.
222
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,339
Hey, did you notice that girl that came
over and asked to help us earlier?
223
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:57,425
Sure, I noticed her. I'm not dead.
224
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,470
Well, you know, we just had
a little conversation a minute ago,
225
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:04,224
and I could swear
she was flirting with me.
226
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,437
Trust me, son, she's on commission.
227
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,649
Oh, no. I know a sales pitch
when I hear one,
228
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,150
and that was no sales pitch.
229
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,860
She is definitely interested in me.
230
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,946
I'll just have to see where this may lead.
231
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,739
I know you're forgetting things lately,
232
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:24,244
but don't you remember
the little talk we had last night?
233
00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:28,122
Oh, dear.
It sneaks right up on you, doesn't it?
234
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:30,415
What am I thinking about?
235
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:34,086
A 41 -year-old man going out
with a girl that's 22, 23.
236
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,088
Yeah. Young enough to be your daughter.
237
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,258
Yes, thank you for pointing that out, Dad.
238
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,720
This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL,
239
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:46,682
780 talk radio,
thanking you for joining us today.
240
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:52,063
Up next, Bob "Bulldog" Brisco
and The Gonzo Sports Show.
241
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:56,317
Until tomorrow,
here's wishing you good mental health.
242
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,487
Hey, doc. Hear the great news?
243
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:03,156
Ken Griffey Jr.'s groin pull
is completely healed.
244
00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:04,157
Thank goodness.
245
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:06,660
I'm sure years from now,
we'll all remember where we were
246
00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:08,788
the moment we heard the joyful news.
247
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:10,998
Excuse me, Dr. Crane?
248
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,374
- Hi, Carrie.
- Hi.
249
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,251
I have your pants.
250
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:16,045
Wow. Doc.
251
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,216
- Where'd you leave them?
- They're new, Bulldog.
252
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,302
Some of the finer department stores
deliver garments
253
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,511
to their busier customers.
254
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:27,723
Actually, we don't. I just thought
it would be nice to see you again.
255
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:30,435
Excuse me, uh, you look very familiar.
256
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:36,106
Didn't I let you pour a flaming tequila
shooter down my throat at Sloppy Nick's
257
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:37,984
during last year's Indy 500?
258
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:40,736
- Uh, no.
- Ah.
259
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,864
Well, what are you doing
next Memorial Day?
260
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:46,033
Bulldog, as certain as I am
that any young lady in the world
261
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:48,077
would love to set your face on fire,
262
00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:50,579
- Carrie, I believe, is here to see me.
- Okay.
263
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,582
Hey, you can't blame a dog for trying.
264
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:57,170
Just on the odd chance it might
make a difference, I drive a '94 Camaro.
265
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:01,674
Is he gay?
266
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:05,761
Well, I've been studying
about this in school,
267
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,346
and it seems
like he's overcompensating.
268
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,430
Yes, well,
269
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:11,601
I'm not sure, but I certainly look forward
to running that theory by him.
270
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:18,023
Well, thank you for the pants, Carrie,
and, uh... do I owe you anything?
271
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,275
Oh, no.
272
00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:22,277
I really enjoyed meeting you yesterday,
273
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,822
and it seemed like we had
a few laughs together,
274
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:29,326
and maybe we could, you know,
go out and have a cup of coffee sometime.
275
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:33,206
Listen, Carrie, I, uh-- I'm very flattered
that you'd like to go out with me,
276
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,959
because I think
you're a beautiful young woman.
277
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:38,919
But...?
278
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,796
Well, it's our ages.
279
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,005
How old are you?
280
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:43,215
Twenty-two.
281
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,424
How old are you?
282
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:45,802
That's not polite.
283
00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,890
I just don't think it would be appropriate
for us to date.
284
00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:53,518
How about we just live together?
285
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,896
I'm just trying to lighten
an uncomfortable moment.
286
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,108
Right. Ha, ha. Well done.
287
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,609
Well, I'm sorry.
288
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:06,029
But if you change your mind,
you know where I am.
289
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,448
Enjoy your pants.
290
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,785
Same to you.
291
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,752
I only got a second here, but... hello?!
292
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,171
Anyone there?
293
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:25,841
She wanted to go out with you.
294
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,259
You didn't have to chase her.
295
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,094
You didn't have to harass her.
296
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,596
You didn't have to pay her.
297
00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:33,390
It was like a miracle.
298
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:36,685
- Oh... She's too young.
- Are you following any of this?
299
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,186
Look, I don't expect you to understand.
300
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,938
I don't.
So you're not going out with her?
301
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,148
- No, I'm not.
- Good.
302
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,483
I'm gonna see if I can catch up
with her at the elevator.
303
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:46,403
Maybe she's never dated
a former professional hockey player.
304
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:47,822
You've never played hockey.
305
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:50,992
It's like we're from different planets.
306
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:54,494
Talk about pathetic.
307
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:55,579
Yeah, isn't he, though?
308
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:56,705
I meant you.
309
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:59,666
Me? Are you saying
I should go out with her?
310
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:03,211
Frasier, take it from me.
It's hard enough to find somebody.
311
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:05,839
So when an opportunity like this
comes along, you've gotta grab it.
312
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,008
Yeah, Roz, but what about the age thing?
313
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:09,759
- Well, what about it?
- Oh, come on.
314
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,845
You see an old man
walking down the street arm-in-arm
315
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:14,640
with a beautiful young girl,
what do you think?
316
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,101
I think he must be really rich.
317
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:21,314
- Then I try to make eye contact.
- Ah.
318
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:29,779
There you are, Frasier.
319
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,823
- Oh, Niles.
- I'm so glad you called me.
320
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,451
Well, thanks for coming, Niles.
321
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:38,413
Some of Maris' friends introduced me to
the most delightful party game last night.
322
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,831
I can't wait to share it with you.
323
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,919
- Niles, I'd really like to talk--
- No, no. Shh. This first. It's a hoot.
324
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,796
If you were stranded on a desert island
with one meal,
325
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:50,217
one aria and one bottle of wine,
what would they be?
326
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:51,928
- Niles, I really don't think--
- Frasier.
327
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:53,804
Okay.
328
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:57,517
A Big Mac, "I'm Your Venus" and Ripple.
329
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,732
If you're going to mock the game,
then don't play.
330
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:06,651
Gladly.
331
00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:09,653
Are you still cramped up
about this middle-aged business?
332
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,112
No, no, no. I'm fine there.
333
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:14,950
- By the way, you were absolutely right.
- Ooh. I love to hear you say that.
334
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,285
But I do have a problem.
335
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:19,788
You see, the other day,
I was asked out by, uh,
336
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,916
this 22-year-old girl
that I met in a mall.
337
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,292
That is alarming.
338
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,585
Well, I turned her down.
339
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:26,670
No, you were in a mall.
340
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,089
Did anyone see you?
341
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,048
Niles.
342
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,425
Now I'm just wondering
if I made the right decision.
343
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:35,470
You see, I mean,
I would love to go out with this girl.
344
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,596
She's fantastic.
345
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:40,309
I'm just afraid of looking like
some old fool chasing after a young girl,
346
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:45,231
becoming a walking midlife-crisis cliché,
347
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:48,858
running around
like that buffoon Stanley Barrister.
348
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:50,527
Oh, Stanley Barrister.
That is embarrassing.
349
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:52,404
- Is it not beyond the pale?
- She's just a chippy.
350
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:55,156
- How old could she be?
- Twenty-one if she's a day.
351
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,825
That's what's so frightening.
352
00:17:56,826 --> 00:18:00,036
I saw them last Tuesday night.
353
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:01,956
And I saw them together Wednesday morning.
354
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,417
Ew.
355
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,836
- That's disgusting.
- Well, this is what I'm afraid of.
356
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:09,880
People will have
the same conversation about me.
357
00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:13,300
Stanley Barrister is a 60-year-old man
358
00:18:13,301 --> 00:18:16,721
who wears a toupee that looks like
something he pulled out of a shower drain.
359
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:22,393
You are 41
and obviously not wearing a toupee.
360
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,188
Thank you, Niles.
361
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,733
So you think it would be okay
to go out with this woman?
362
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:30,942
It doesn't matter what I think.
363
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,028
It does to me. You're my brother.
I value your opinion.
364
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:34,613
My opinion isn't relevant.
365
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,031
Don't be coy, Niles.
366
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,949
And would you please
stop pursing your lips?
367
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:41,078
It makes you look like one of those
old women they carve out of dried apples.
368
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:48,627
Don't you see, what I think about you
dating a younger woman is immaterial.
369
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,296
What we think
about Stanley Barrister is immaterial.
370
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:52,923
The only thing that matters
is what you think.
371
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:56,176
Ask yourself, if you went out with her,
would you be doing it
372
00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:57,844
because you're running away
from your age
373
00:18:57,845 --> 00:18:59,512
or because you think
this has the potential
374
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:01,140
to become a meaningful relationship?
375
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:03,517
I don't know.
376
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:07,103
Find out. And then to hell
with what people think.
377
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:08,980
Niles, you are absolutely right.
378
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,190
Oh. There it is again.
379
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,734
I never tire of hearing that.
380
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,819
Let the tongues
of the doubting nabobs wag.
381
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,906
If it feels right, make yourself happy.
382
00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:19,199
Thank you. Thank you.
383
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,202
Oh, by the way, Niles,
if you were stranded on a desert island,
384
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:25,414
what would you choose
as your favorite meal, aria and wine?
385
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,957
The coulibiac of salmon at Guy Savoy,
386
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,209
"Vissi d'arte" from Tosca,
387
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:32,546
and the Côtes du Rhone
Châteauneuf-du-Pape '47.
388
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,008
You are so predictable.
389
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,269
Carrie, hi. Uh...
390
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,814
Hi. I didn't expect to see you here.
391
00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:52,607
Well, I could lie to you and tell you
392
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:55,860
that I came down to shop,
but, actually, I came to see you.
393
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,655
That's great.
I've been thinking about you a lot.
394
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,658
I've been thinking a lot about you too,
and I wanted to chat a little bit
395
00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,785
about why I thought we shouldn't go out.
396
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:04,703
Okay.
397
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,996
You see, I thought
I was going through a phase,
398
00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:09,290
you know, just, well,
a midlife crisis, to be frank,
399
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,668
and I was afraid that if I went out
with you, I would be trying
400
00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:13,753
to just recapture my youth or something.
401
00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,755
Oh, my God.
I can't believe you're saying this.
402
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,590
I was afraid that I asked you out
403
00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:20,427
only because I was trying to work out
some stuff of my own.
404
00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:22,929
Some unresolved issues
about my father or something.
405
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,806
Oh, no, no. So I went back and forth.
406
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,683
I felt like a fool, and then I didn't.
407
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:28,309
Me too. Back and forth.
408
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,811
I thought maybe you just came along
409
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:32,147
to fill some sort of a need or something.
410
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,315
Or maybe this could be something serious.
411
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:39,779
Exactly. So, well, I asked myself
a few tough questions...
412
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:42,157
- Me too.
- ...and I finally came to a decision.
413
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,074
Me too.
414
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,870
I think us going out
would have been really stupid.
415
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:48,664
Me too!
416
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:53,251
It would have completely clouded things
with my father,
417
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,587
and you and I would never
have been on very firm footing.
418
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,130
But you knew all that.
419
00:20:57,131 --> 00:21:00,759
You could have told me,
but you let me figure it out for myself.
420
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:04,180
Yes. I'm sort of like the Wizard of Oz.
421
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:08,850
It's no wonder
everybody listens to your radio show.
422
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,478
You're so smart.
423
00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:13,981
Actually, I am full of crap.
424
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:19,694
I had no idea that you might be grappling
with some personal issues here.
425
00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,113
Some psychiatrist, huh?
426
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:26,327
The truth is, I came down here
to try to talk you into going out with me.
427
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:29,580
I guess it's still a pretty bad idea.
428
00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:32,373
You're being so honest with me.
429
00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:35,294
That is such an attractive quality
in a man.
430
00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:44,887
Well, let's, uh...
Let's not go down that road again.
431
00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:46,680
Okay.
432
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:49,475
See you around.
433
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:14,332
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin'
Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
434
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,251
Quite stylish.
435
00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:21,256
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused
Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
436
00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:23,424
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
437
00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:25,134
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
438
00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:28,389
♪ With those tossed salads
And scrambled eggs ♪
439
00:22:30,391 --> 00:22:31,976
♪ They're callin' again ♪
440
00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:35,979
Scrambled eggs all over my face.
441
00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:37,481
What is a boy to do?
442
00:22:39,942 --> 00:22:41,235
Good night!