1 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:11,135 Hello, Rachel. I'm listening. 2 00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:13,554 Oh, thanks for taking my call, Dr. Crane. 3 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:17,266 Um, I'm involved in sort of a strange love triangle. 4 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,310 Oh, goody, this is Sweeps Week. 5 00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:21,395 You see, I recently married a widower. 6 00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:24,274 Now, Phil is a real good man, he's a kind man... 7 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,276 but there's just one little problem. 8 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:30,947 He insists on keeping an urn with his late wife's ashes 9 00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:33,200 on the dresser in our bedroom. 10 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,661 That is a definite "yikes!" 11 00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:37,954 See, I knew that wasn't normal. 12 00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:40,164 - He says it is, but I knew it wasn't. - All right, Rachel, 13 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,333 now listen, before you go off half-cocked, 14 00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:45,670 let's try to remember that this is a very sensitive issue for your husband. 15 00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:48,089 Those ashes obviously mean a great deal to him, 16 00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:49,882 and although I don't believe it's appropriate 17 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,467 that he keep them in the bedroom, 18 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:54,136 I suppose you could maybe move them to another room. 19 00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,305 Well, I guess I could try that. 20 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,349 - Maybe I'll move them into the guest room. - Ah. 21 00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:00,143 Oops. 22 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,855 Rachel, what happened? 23 00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,357 Oh, oh, nothing. 24 00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:08,234 I'd better run, Dr. Crane. 25 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:09,819 I've got some vacuuming to do. 26 00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:15,784 Well, as Rachel helps Phil's first wife off the floor, 27 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,494 we have reached the end of our second hour. 28 00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:21,289 We'll be right back after the news, so please join me again, 29 00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,750 Frasier Crane, and my invaluable producer... 30 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:27,337 uh... 31 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,090 uh... 32 00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,009 - Roz. - Roz! 33 00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:38,432 On KACL, talk radio, 780 AM. 34 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,021 Roz, I'm so sorry. 35 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:48,024 Your name was right there in front of me. I just couldn't put my finger on it. 36 00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,942 Forget about it. I already have. 37 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,069 It's been happening to me a lot lately. 38 00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:54,739 Last night I walked into the kitchen, and I just stood there. 39 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,949 I couldn't remember what I'd gone in for. 40 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,744 Don't make yourself crazy over it. It's completely normal. 41 00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:01,954 - Okay. - Oh, by the way, your hairstylist called 42 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,122 to confirm your appointment. 43 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,876 I made an appointment with Temo? I don't remember that. 44 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,795 Because you didn't. I was just gaslighting you. 45 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,213 That is not funny. 46 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,381 Oh, lighten up. 47 00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:13,842 Here, sign these. 48 00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:19,722 Are you gonna say it, or make me wait till the end of the day? 49 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:20,723 Say what? 50 00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,350 Happy birthday. 51 00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:24,478 It is not your birthday. 52 00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:29,899 Oh, God. Oh, God, it is. Oh, oh, Roz, I'm so sorry. 53 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:31,859 Let me take you to lunch or something after work. 54 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,069 You're so easy! 55 00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,612 Oh. Oh. That's it. 56 00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:36,030 I'm out of here. 57 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,990 Hey, wait, aren't you forgetting something? 58 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,409 No, I am not forgetting anything. Thank you, Roz. 59 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,829 Okay. Well, can't blame a girl for trying. 60 00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:48,293 Five, four, three, two, one. 61 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:49,753 We're back. 62 00:02:58,303 --> 00:02:59,137 Ten. 63 00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:01,472 Fifteen, two. 64 00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,140 No. Eddie, no. 65 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:07,688 Dad, would you ask your dog to stop burrowing at my shoes? 66 00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:10,398 I had to wait six months 67 00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:13,068 to have these shipped from a little blind cobbler in Seville. 68 00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:16,821 He won't stop till you scratch him behind the ear. 69 00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,365 All right, Eddie, all right. 70 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:29,042 You know, I'm beginning to think I have an affinity for animals. 71 00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:33,504 Would either of you mind if I noodle at the piano a bit? 72 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,340 Would it really stop you if we said yes? 73 00:03:36,091 --> 00:03:37,300 Point well taken. 74 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:47,394 That's strange. 75 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:50,897 For the life of me, I can't remember what the next note is. 76 00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:02,074 I know this piece backwards and forwards. 77 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,411 Perhaps if you start at the end, you'll have better luck. 78 00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:19,675 Come on, Fras, you know how it goes. It goes: 79 00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:23,346 Oh, thank you, Dad. Now it's perfectly clear. 80 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,022 That was very nice, son. 81 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:35,150 How about something from South Pacific? 82 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:38,695 I'm sorry. 83 00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:41,490 I'm just getting fed up with this nonsense. 84 00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,825 I'm forgetting names all the time. You know, last week, 85 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,869 twice I forgot where I parked my car. 86 00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,454 Join the club, pal. 87 00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,830 You're getting older. 88 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:52,458 Well, of course I'm getting older. We're all getting older. 89 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,293 But I'm not that old. 90 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,003 Oh, I'm afraid Dad may have a point. 91 00:04:56,004 --> 00:05:00,425 I know you'd like to believe we're still the same devilish sprigs we always were... 92 00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:05,137 sitting on Mother's davenport in our tweeds and tams, 93 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,349 listening to the Texaco Symphonic Hour. 94 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:12,646 But the cold, hard reality is, you're middle-aged. 95 00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,898 Niles, I'm 41. 96 00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:19,443 That's hardly middle-aged. Middle age is more like 50, 55. 97 00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,571 Only if you live to be 110. 98 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:27,201 - I'm all ready to go, Dr. Crane. - Niles, where are you two off to? 99 00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:28,661 I'm giving Daphne a lift. 100 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:31,622 I'm meeting some of my girlfriends for darts and a couple of pints. 101 00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,415 It's best to do it in that order. 102 00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,460 Just ask Blind Willy, the bartender. 103 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:42,007 Listen, Daphne, before you go, I'd like to ask you a little question. 104 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,552 When you look at me, um... 105 00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:47,096 do you see me as a young man or as an older man? 106 00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,014 Oh, no. No, you don't. 107 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,017 You're not getting me into that Vietnam. 108 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,769 I learned a long time ago 109 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:57,273 there are three questions you never answer honestly: "How old do I look?" 110 00:05:57,274 --> 00:06:00,110 "Do you like my hair?" And "Was it good for you too?" 111 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:03,613 Coming, Dr. Crane? 112 00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:08,910 Dr. Crane? 113 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,788 I'm sorry, I was someplace else. 114 00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,876 It was a warm and friendly place. 115 00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:29,306 Big surprise, I got a headache. 116 00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:32,017 I need to get an aspirin. 117 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:36,437 The very suggestion that I'm descending into old age 118 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:40,150 just because I can't remember a couple of names or a tune on the piano. 119 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,822 Your arm's not quite long enough for that, is it? 120 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,033 Let me ask you a few questions. 121 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,618 Can you still get through the night 122 00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,746 without having to get up to go to the john? 123 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,250 Can you get in and out of a chair without going "Unhh"? 124 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:02,505 Can you eat a slice of pizza less than 12 hours before you go to bed? 125 00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:05,883 What's on the pizza? 126 00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,177 Ah. 127 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:08,761 I thought so. 128 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:13,057 All right, now that we've established you're middle-aged, take some advice: 129 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,185 Don't fight it. It'll go a lot easier. 130 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,646 Dad, what are you suggesting? I'm gonna rush off to a plastic surgeon 131 00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:21,106 to get an eye lift and a chin tuck? 132 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:22,150 Oh, dear God. 133 00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:26,737 I'm just telling you, when guys get to this stage, 134 00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:28,072 they do some squirrelly things 135 00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:29,865 they never would've done when they were younger. 136 00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:33,078 Dad, please spare me. I am a psychiatrist. I know the routine. 137 00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,080 Good Lord, who is that? 138 00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:39,750 That's me, in '74, going through my own little stage. 139 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:44,089 I dyed my hair jet black and bought a leather jacket and a Harley-Davidson. 140 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,510 My God, Dad, you look like one of the Village People. 141 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,013 Well, fortunately, I came to my senses 142 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,974 before you got back from Harvard that summer. 143 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,394 - Are those love beads? - All right. 144 00:07:58,770 --> 00:07:59,938 That's enough. 145 00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,232 Just do me a favor, will you? 146 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,944 Keep your guard up and don't do something stupid, all right? 147 00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:07,695 Okay, Dad. 148 00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:10,782 You might think it's tough being middle-aged, but think about me. 149 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,035 I got a son who's middle-aged. 150 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,084 I heard that. 151 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:32,136 Say, didn't this used to be Pinski's Department Store? 152 00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:33,470 I have no idea. 153 00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:36,557 Sure, it was. We used to bring you kids here all the time. 154 00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,809 Man, it was a great store. 155 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,728 You could buy lingerie, a bag of popcorn 156 00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:43,523 and transmission fluid all under the same roof. 157 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,401 Finally, something I'm glad I forgot. 158 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,113 Well, Mr. Crane, I believe I came here on a mission. 159 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:54,575 All right, but remember, I don't want anything fancy or that comes in tubes. 160 00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:57,454 I want them white, I want them plain, and I want them boxers. 161 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:02,250 That's exactly the kind of lack of imagination that sunk the British Empire. 162 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,337 Hey, Frasier, check out these dress pants. 163 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,381 They've got elastic panels in the waist. 164 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,677 You can eat all you want and never worry about cutting off your circulation. 165 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,264 Milan must be beside itself. 166 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,267 What an innovative use of synthetic fibers. 167 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:24,064 I believe if you recycle these, they can turn them into milk containers. 168 00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:25,940 Are you gonna get them or not? 169 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:29,109 You brought these over for me? 170 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:33,489 Hey, the sands of time are shifting, buddy, mostly south. 171 00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:37,076 Now, if you don't want to go with elastic, maybe you can go with suspenders. 172 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,827 That way if you keep your jacket closed, 173 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,663 that little gut of yours can hang down to here and nobody's the wiser. 174 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,415 I do not have a gut. 175 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,627 I have... contours. 176 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,004 Excuse me. 177 00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:51,174 I was wondering if anyone was helping you. 178 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:54,218 Oh, no! She's looking at something with stripes! 179 00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:55,385 Daphne! Daphne! 180 00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:57,096 Get away from there! Come on. 181 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:57,931 Let's go. 182 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,265 You're not thinking of getting those, are you? 183 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,185 - Oh. Oh, no. - I have something better. 184 00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:05,938 What do you think of these? They don't do much on the hanger, 185 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:09,024 but they could really work on a nice tall guy like you. 186 00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,901 Oh, you really think so? 187 00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:12,986 Yeah. You've got a great build. 188 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:16,281 Oh. Oh, thank you very much, uh... 189 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,783 - Carrie. - Ah. Carrie. 190 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,285 Let's see what we can get working here. Um... 191 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:23,540 This is kind of a young look, but you could really pull it off. 192 00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,834 I don't really think it's me. 193 00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:29,461 Are you sure? I think this would look really good on you. 194 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,296 Well, I suppose I could try it on. 195 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:35,050 But, you know, just out of curiosity, how old do you think I am? 196 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,177 Oh, I don't want to do that. 197 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:40,140 - No, no, no, please, go ahead. - I don't know, um... 198 00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:41,891 36? 199 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,475 Are you serious? 200 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,060 Oh, God, I'm sorry. 201 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,812 You're probably more like 34. 202 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,857 Now you don't want to buy anything from me. 203 00:10:49,524 --> 00:10:51,943 Are those, uh, Armani shirts expensive? 204 00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:56,655 - Yeah. - I'll take two. 205 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,534 - Great. Changing rooms are right this way. - Ah. 206 00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:03,453 You know, I love to guess what my customers do by what they wear. 207 00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:07,082 Let me guess, you're an architect, right? 208 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,959 No, I'm a psychiatrist. 209 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,712 Oh. I've taken some psychology courses. 210 00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:14,173 What are you, Freudian? Reichian? 211 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,800 Well, actually, lately I've been leaning more towards Jung. 212 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:19,179 I guess that's because I'm just "Jung" at heart. 213 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,640 That's gotta be the oldest joke in the psychiatrist's joke book. 214 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:24,975 Can't even believe I said it. 215 00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:27,311 I can't believe I laughed at that. 216 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,188 I'll bet you laugh at all your customers' jokes. 217 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,982 No, just the cute ones. 218 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,360 Cute jokes or customers? 219 00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,613 You figure it out. 220 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,042 Hey, you about ready? 221 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,628 Oh, just a second, Dad. I'm trying on a pair of pants. 222 00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,339 Hey, did you notice that girl that came over and asked to help us earlier? 223 00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:57,425 Sure, I noticed her. I'm not dead. 224 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,470 Well, you know, we just had a little conversation a minute ago, 225 00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:04,224 and I could swear she was flirting with me. 226 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,437 Trust me, son, she's on commission. 227 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,649 Oh, no. I know a sales pitch when I hear one, 228 00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,150 and that was no sales pitch. 229 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,860 She is definitely interested in me. 230 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,946 I'll just have to see where this may lead. 231 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,739 I know you're forgetting things lately, 232 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:24,244 but don't you remember the little talk we had last night? 233 00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:28,122 Oh, dear. It sneaks right up on you, doesn't it? 234 00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:30,415 What am I thinking about? 235 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:34,086 A 41 -year-old man going out with a girl that's 22, 23. 236 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,088 Yeah. Young enough to be your daughter. 237 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,258 Yes, thank you for pointing that out, Dad. 238 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,720 This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL, 239 00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:46,682 780 talk radio, thanking you for joining us today. 240 00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:52,063 Up next, Bob "Bulldog" Brisco and The Gonzo Sports Show. 241 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:56,317 Until tomorrow, here's wishing you good mental health. 242 00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,487 Hey, doc. Hear the great news? 243 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:03,156 Ken Griffey Jr.'s groin pull is completely healed. 244 00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:04,157 Thank goodness. 245 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:06,660 I'm sure years from now, we'll all remember where we were 246 00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:08,788 the moment we heard the joyful news. 247 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:10,998 Excuse me, Dr. Crane? 248 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,374 - Hi, Carrie. - Hi. 249 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,251 I have your pants. 250 00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:16,045 Wow. Doc. 251 00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,216 - Where'd you leave them? - They're new, Bulldog. 252 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,302 Some of the finer department stores deliver garments 253 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,511 to their busier customers. 254 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:27,723 Actually, we don't. I just thought it would be nice to see you again. 255 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:30,435 Excuse me, uh, you look very familiar. 256 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:36,106 Didn't I let you pour a flaming tequila shooter down my throat at Sloppy Nick's 257 00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:37,984 during last year's Indy 500? 258 00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:40,736 - Uh, no. - Ah. 259 00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,864 Well, what are you doing next Memorial Day? 260 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:46,033 Bulldog, as certain as I am that any young lady in the world 261 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:48,077 would love to set your face on fire, 262 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:50,579 - Carrie, I believe, is here to see me. - Okay. 263 00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,582 Hey, you can't blame a dog for trying. 264 00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:57,170 Just on the odd chance it might make a difference, I drive a '94 Camaro. 265 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:01,674 Is he gay? 266 00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:05,761 Well, I've been studying about this in school, 267 00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,346 and it seems like he's overcompensating. 268 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:08,430 Yes, well, 269 00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:11,601 I'm not sure, but I certainly look forward to running that theory by him. 270 00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:18,023 Well, thank you for the pants, Carrie, and, uh... do I owe you anything? 271 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,275 Oh, no. 272 00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:22,277 I really enjoyed meeting you yesterday, 273 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,822 and it seemed like we had a few laughs together, 274 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:29,326 and maybe we could, you know, go out and have a cup of coffee sometime. 275 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:33,206 Listen, Carrie, I, uh-- I'm very flattered that you'd like to go out with me, 276 00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,959 because I think you're a beautiful young woman. 277 00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:38,919 But...? 278 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,796 Well, it's our ages. 279 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,005 How old are you? 280 00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:43,215 Twenty-two. 281 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,424 How old are you? 282 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:45,802 That's not polite. 283 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,890 I just don't think it would be appropriate for us to date. 284 00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:53,518 How about we just live together? 285 00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,896 I'm just trying to lighten an uncomfortable moment. 286 00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,108 Right. Ha, ha. Well done. 287 00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,609 Well, I'm sorry. 288 00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:06,029 But if you change your mind, you know where I am. 289 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,448 Enjoy your pants. 290 00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,785 Same to you. 291 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,752 I only got a second here, but... hello?! 292 00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,171 Anyone there? 293 00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:25,841 She wanted to go out with you. 294 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,259 You didn't have to chase her. 295 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,094 You didn't have to harass her. 296 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,596 You didn't have to pay her. 297 00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:33,390 It was like a miracle. 298 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:36,685 - Oh... She's too young. - Are you following any of this? 299 00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,186 Look, I don't expect you to understand. 300 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,938 I don't. So you're not going out with her? 301 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,148 - No, I'm not. - Good. 302 00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,483 I'm gonna see if I can catch up with her at the elevator. 303 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:46,403 Maybe she's never dated a former professional hockey player. 304 00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:47,822 You've never played hockey. 305 00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:50,992 It's like we're from different planets. 306 00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:54,494 Talk about pathetic. 307 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:55,579 Yeah, isn't he, though? 308 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:56,705 I meant you. 309 00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:59,666 Me? Are you saying I should go out with her? 310 00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:03,211 Frasier, take it from me. It's hard enough to find somebody. 311 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:05,839 So when an opportunity like this comes along, you've gotta grab it. 312 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,008 Yeah, Roz, but what about the age thing? 313 00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:09,759 - Well, what about it? - Oh, come on. 314 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,845 You see an old man walking down the street arm-in-arm 315 00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:14,640 with a beautiful young girl, what do you think? 316 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,101 I think he must be really rich. 317 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:21,314 - Then I try to make eye contact. - Ah. 318 00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:29,779 There you are, Frasier. 319 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,823 - Oh, Niles. - I'm so glad you called me. 320 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,451 Well, thanks for coming, Niles. 321 00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:38,413 Some of Maris' friends introduced me to the most delightful party game last night. 322 00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,831 I can't wait to share it with you. 323 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,919 - Niles, I'd really like to talk-- - No, no. Shh. This first. It's a hoot. 324 00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,796 If you were stranded on a desert island with one meal, 325 00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:50,217 one aria and one bottle of wine, what would they be? 326 00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:51,928 - Niles, I really don't think-- - Frasier. 327 00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:53,804 Okay. 328 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:57,517 A Big Mac, "I'm Your Venus" and Ripple. 329 00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,732 If you're going to mock the game, then don't play. 330 00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:06,651 Gladly. 331 00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:09,653 Are you still cramped up about this middle-aged business? 332 00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,112 No, no, no. I'm fine there. 333 00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:14,950 - By the way, you were absolutely right. - Ooh. I love to hear you say that. 334 00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,285 But I do have a problem. 335 00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:19,788 You see, the other day, I was asked out by, uh, 336 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,916 this 22-year-old girl that I met in a mall. 337 00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,292 That is alarming. 338 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,585 Well, I turned her down. 339 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:26,670 No, you were in a mall. 340 00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,089 Did anyone see you? 341 00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,048 Niles. 342 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,425 Now I'm just wondering if I made the right decision. 343 00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:35,470 You see, I mean, I would love to go out with this girl. 344 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,596 She's fantastic. 345 00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:40,309 I'm just afraid of looking like some old fool chasing after a young girl, 346 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:45,231 becoming a walking midlife-crisis cliché, 347 00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:48,858 running around like that buffoon Stanley Barrister. 348 00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:50,527 Oh, Stanley Barrister. That is embarrassing. 349 00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:52,404 - Is it not beyond the pale? - She's just a chippy. 350 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:55,156 - How old could she be? - Twenty-one if she's a day. 351 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,825 That's what's so frightening. 352 00:17:56,826 --> 00:18:00,036 I saw them last Tuesday night. 353 00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:01,956 And I saw them together Wednesday morning. 354 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,417 Ew. 355 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,836 - That's disgusting. - Well, this is what I'm afraid of. 356 00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:09,880 People will have the same conversation about me. 357 00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:13,300 Stanley Barrister is a 60-year-old man 358 00:18:13,301 --> 00:18:16,721 who wears a toupee that looks like something he pulled out of a shower drain. 359 00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:22,393 You are 41 and obviously not wearing a toupee. 360 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,188 Thank you, Niles. 361 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,733 So you think it would be okay to go out with this woman? 362 00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:30,942 It doesn't matter what I think. 363 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,028 It does to me. You're my brother. I value your opinion. 364 00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:34,613 My opinion isn't relevant. 365 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,031 Don't be coy, Niles. 366 00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,949 And would you please stop pursing your lips? 367 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:41,078 It makes you look like one of those old women they carve out of dried apples. 368 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:48,627 Don't you see, what I think about you dating a younger woman is immaterial. 369 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,296 What we think about Stanley Barrister is immaterial. 370 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:52,923 The only thing that matters is what you think. 371 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:56,176 Ask yourself, if you went out with her, would you be doing it 372 00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:57,844 because you're running away from your age 373 00:18:57,845 --> 00:18:59,512 or because you think this has the potential 374 00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:01,140 to become a meaningful relationship? 375 00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:03,517 I don't know. 376 00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:07,103 Find out. And then to hell with what people think. 377 00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:08,980 Niles, you are absolutely right. 378 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,190 Oh. There it is again. 379 00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,734 I never tire of hearing that. 380 00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,819 Let the tongues of the doubting nabobs wag. 381 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,906 If it feels right, make yourself happy. 382 00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:19,199 Thank you. Thank you. 383 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,202 Oh, by the way, Niles, if you were stranded on a desert island, 384 00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:25,414 what would you choose as your favorite meal, aria and wine? 385 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,957 The coulibiac of salmon at Guy Savoy, 386 00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,209 "Vissi d'arte" from Tosca, 387 00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:32,546 and the Côtes du Rhone Châteauneuf-du-Pape '47. 388 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,008 You are so predictable. 389 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,269 Carrie, hi. Uh... 390 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,814 Hi. I didn't expect to see you here. 391 00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:52,607 Well, I could lie to you and tell you 392 00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:55,860 that I came down to shop, but, actually, I came to see you. 393 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,655 That's great. I've been thinking about you a lot. 394 00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,658 I've been thinking a lot about you too, and I wanted to chat a little bit 395 00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,785 about why I thought we shouldn't go out. 396 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:04,703 Okay. 397 00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,996 You see, I thought I was going through a phase, 398 00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:09,290 you know, just, well, a midlife crisis, to be frank, 399 00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,668 and I was afraid that if I went out with you, I would be trying 400 00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:13,753 to just recapture my youth or something. 401 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:15,755 Oh, my God. I can't believe you're saying this. 402 00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,590 I was afraid that I asked you out 403 00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:20,427 only because I was trying to work out some stuff of my own. 404 00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:22,929 Some unresolved issues about my father or something. 405 00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,806 Oh, no, no. So I went back and forth. 406 00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,683 I felt like a fool, and then I didn't. 407 00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:28,309 Me too. Back and forth. 408 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,811 I thought maybe you just came along 409 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:32,147 to fill some sort of a need or something. 410 00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,315 Or maybe this could be something serious. 411 00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:39,779 Exactly. So, well, I asked myself a few tough questions... 412 00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:42,157 - Me too. - ...and I finally came to a decision. 413 00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,074 Me too. 414 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,870 I think us going out would have been really stupid. 415 00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:48,664 Me too! 416 00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:53,251 It would have completely clouded things with my father, 417 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,587 and you and I would never have been on very firm footing. 418 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,130 But you knew all that. 419 00:20:57,131 --> 00:21:00,759 You could have told me, but you let me figure it out for myself. 420 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:04,180 Yes. I'm sort of like the Wizard of Oz. 421 00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:08,850 It's no wonder everybody listens to your radio show. 422 00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:10,478 You're so smart. 423 00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:13,981 Actually, I am full of crap. 424 00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:19,694 I had no idea that you might be grappling with some personal issues here. 425 00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,113 Some psychiatrist, huh? 426 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:26,327 The truth is, I came down here to try to talk you into going out with me. 427 00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:29,580 I guess it's still a pretty bad idea. 428 00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:32,373 You're being so honest with me. 429 00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:35,294 That is such an attractive quality in a man. 430 00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:44,887 Well, let's, uh... Let's not go down that road again. 431 00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:46,680 Okay. 432 00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:49,475 See you around. 433 00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:14,332 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 434 00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,251 Quite stylish. 435 00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:21,256 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 436 00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:23,424 ♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ 437 00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:25,134 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 438 00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:28,389 ♪ With those tossed salads And scrambled eggs ♪ 439 00:22:30,391 --> 00:22:31,976 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 440 00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:35,979 Scrambled eggs all over my face. 441 00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:37,481 What is a boy to do? 442 00:22:39,942 --> 00:22:41,235 Good night!