[theme music playing]
[Frasier] Just remember, Angela,
cosmetic surgery is only a superficial solution.
It can lift your eyelids,
but it can't lift that little cloud of pessimism that hovers over you.
Thank you for your call.
Okay, Roz, so who's our next caller?
Roz?
Well, perhaps this would be a good time to go to commercial break.
We'll be right back after these messages.
- Frasier? Whoa! - Hello.
Hi.
Little disturbing looking in the booth and seeing no one there, isn't it?
I'm sorry, but I was up in the newsroom
trying to find out if they've announced the nominations for the Sea Be as yet.
Oh, I forgot. Are those coming out today?
You forgot? They're only the biggest award in Seattle radio.
I suppose it's the difference in our ages,
but I don't find myself getting excited about...
well, much of anything anymore.
Congratulations, guys.
Yes! Yes! We got the nomination!
[Roz] Who'd you hear it from?
Oh, I haven't heard anything.
I was just congratulating you on doing a great show.
If anyone deserves a nomination, you guys do.
Get out, Noel.
Okay. Catch you later.
[door closes]
Well, I...
I guess I'm a little more excited than I let on.
Well, it'd be a big feather in my cap to win this,
first year in radio and all that.
Are you kidding?
I've been in this business for ten years.
I've never produced a show that got nominated for anything.
- [phone rings] - Hello?
Oh, hi, Millie. You're kidding.
You're kidding. Oh, you're kidding! That's great! Thanks. Bye.
We got the nomination?
No, Millie in Promotions is getting married.
Damn it, Roz!
[Niles] And then she said she'd been seeing someone else.
She couldn't keep living a lie.
I was dumbfounded.
I mean, what about everything we'd gone through together?
Didn't that mean anything to her?
Niles...
a patient has a right to change therapists.
- Frasier, thank God. - Bebe, what are you doing here?
What kind of agent would I be if I weren't the first to tell you
that you've been nominated for a 1994 Sea Be a?
I was nominated! I was nominated!
[laughs]
Well, I was.
Yes, you, Frasier Crane, MD, PhD, S-T-U-D,
are the man of the hour.
Bebe glazer, Frasier's agent.
Ah. Dr. Niles Crane, Frasier's brother.
You're not a psychiatrist too?
- Yes. - Oh, please,
if I'm ever to have a breakdown, let me have it now.
Double-double decaf. To go.
So this is quite a surprise, you know.
I'd forgotten that the nominations were even coming out today.
Oh, isn't he precious?
You must be very proud of Frasier.
Well, actually, no.
This nomination is just one more signpost on the low road of celebrity
which my brother has chosen for himself.
I hope that's not sibling rivalry rearing its vicious little green snout.
Absolutely not.
I'm still in the minority who believes psychiatry is a noble profession
which is tarnished by such things as popularity contests,
not to mention a bouncy little radio program.
I bet you two had wicked little hair-pulling fights when you were tots.
Yes, well, this has been delightful, but I really must run.
I'm due at my sexual-addiction group,
and I don't like to leave them alone for too long.
- Frasier! - Roz!
Frasier, Frasier, Frasier!
- Roz, Roz, Roz! - We did it!
I know! Here, here, come and sit down.
You know, I've never really won anything before.
Although back in prep school,
the Existentialist Club once named me most likely to "be."
You wanna hear the greatest part? I've already got a date for the ceremony.
Brad MacNamara.
The Channel Eight reporter? Television's most handsome man?
Yes.
For months, he wouldn't give me the time of day,
but one little nomination and he knew who I was.
Who are you?
Roz Doyle, Frasier's producer.
Oh, yes, that's right. I've seen you bring him coffee.
By the way, would you mind getting mine?
Well, I'd better go get myself on the ball here.
I've got a lot to do.
Oh, not really, darling.
I've already got your tux, rented you a limo,
and your tickets will be waiting for you at the door.
Well, then, it seems the only thing you haven't taken care of
is finding me a date.
Your subtlety floors me. I'd love to.
I am thrilled, thrilled, thrilled for you both, but I've got to run.
Two of my other clients weren't nominated,
and I have to go tell them what a worthless award this is.
[Frasier] Daphne, you might not be aware of this,
but there is a special secret
to opening a bottle of champagne,
especially a fine French champagne as unprepossessing as this one.
Two hundred dollars a bottle.
In order to prevent spillage,
one does not simply twist out the cork.
Instead, one holds the cork stationary, see?
And then gives the bottle three easy turns.
One-- Oh, God!
Oh, no, get some glasses, quick! Oh, oh, my God!
Oh, Eddie, get out of there, you mangy cur!
Oh, dear.
Oh, Lord.
Well.
That wasn't too bad. I believe we've salvaged most of it.
I'd say this calls for a toast.
To my number one son, congratulations on your first nomination for...
well, anything.
Frasier, I'm proud of you.
Thanks, Dad. Means a lot to me.
Mm. Oh, this champagne is delicious.
Mm. It's quite exquisite, isn't it? Dad, what do you think?
I was in the mood for something domestic.
You know, I must say, Dr. Crane,
it's awfully nice that although I'm an employee here,
you include me in all the family celebrations.
Well, Daphne, there's never been any doubt
that I think of you as my equal in every way.
[doorbell rings]
Oh, I'll get it.
Would you?
Would you like me to announce your visitor?
Oh, just open the door.
- [Daphne] Oh, hello, Roz. - Daphne.
Roz!
Congratulations.
Oh, thanks. You know, I couldn't believe it myself.
Brad MacNamara!
Roz, I believe she was referring to your Sea Be a nomination.
No, I meant Brad MacNamara.
Oh, do you think he wears any pants under that desk?
- [Roz] Not on my TV. - [hoots]
[Frasier] Oh.
Girls, can we just cut out the pajama party, please?
Hello, Mr. C.
Hey, Roz, how's my girlfriend?
Well, she's nominated.
How about a glass of champagne?
Apparently it's French and unprepossessing.
Oh, Daphne, save your breath.
It could be coming out of a box and Roz would have a glass of it.
You know, I must say, I am so proud of you,
Roz, being recognized in a male-dominated industry.
It's one more step forward for working women.
You're a credit to our gender.
Well, thank you, Daphne.
Oh, that reminds me, do you have a push-up bra I could borrow?
I'll go look.
[Roz] Thanks.
Listen, I'm sorry to barge in like this, but I had to show you this, Frasier.
I have a friend over at Broadcast magazine who sent me a copy.
It's a full-page ad.
"Wendy Yashiro wishes to thank the members of the voting committee for her nomination
and hopes they consider her for the award."
Well, this is nothing but shameless self-promotion.
- It's in very bad taste. - I know.
What are we gonna put in our ad?
Wendy Yashiro's up against you for this award?
Oh, I like her. She's a cutie.
You're not suggesting we actually put our own ad in this thing?
Frasier, we're falling behind.
Mike Sanchez has already sent out tapes of his show.
Mike Sanchez? Oh, I like him.
And who knows what Fletcher Grey is doing?
Fletcher Grey!
Thank you, Dad!
[Frasier scoffs]
Well, all right. I...
Just as long as it's tasteful and understated.
Great. I'll call my friend and I'll have him work something up for us.
Wait a minute, wait a minute. If we really wanna stand out,
why run another boring old ad?
Maybe we should do something different, something unique.
Hey, I heard last year's winner threw a big cocktail party.
We can do that. But we should do something else.
Something to keep our names in their minds.
You know what I mean? Um...
Ah. I know, personalized gifts from-- Oh, from the new Tiffany's catalog! Oh!
That's good.
I saw the most incredible cigarette cases in here.
No, no, no cigarette cases. It sends out a bad message.
- Oh, yeah. - Ooh, how about a silver flask?
No, we've already got your vote, Roz.
Hold on a minute.
I may not know anything about show business,
but when you start sending out gifts to people
who can do something for you, that's called bribery.
- It's a simple thank-you for a nomination. - Well, I'm glad to hear that,
because if I had to give somebody a gift to get an award, it's not worth having.
Might as well just go on down to the trophy store and buy one yourself.
I really want that award.
- Me too. - Get that catalog.
[crowd chattering]
Well, are you coming in or not?
Dad, this is a big moment for me. I wanna drink it in.
Me too. Where's the bar?
Hey, not so fast.
My shoes are killing me.
I hate these shoes.
I should never have let that salesgirl talk me into getting them.
They look real good on you.
You think so?
- [Bob] Dr. Crane? - Oh.
- Bob Peterson, voting committee. - Hi, Bob.
Look, I just wanted to wish you good luck tonight.
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, and thanks for the bathrobe.
Oh, it was nothing, you know.
People get out of the shower, they're cold.
Hey, Dr. Crane, love the watch.
Oh, thanks. It was nothing, really.
It's a good likeness of me, though, isn't it?
Oh...
Can we please sit down? I have got to sit down.
Oh, Daphne, that...
We're at Table 8. This isn't our table.
It is now.
Hey, isn't that Fletcher Grey?
[Frasier] I believe it is.
Oh, boy, you've really got your work cut out for you here.
Let me tell you, that guy's a class act.
I've been listening to him for 20 years.
You know, I don't usually do this, but I'm gonna go shake his hand.
- Hey, guys. - [Frasier] Oh, Roz.
- There's my fellow nominee. - [Roz] Frasier.
Frasier, those gifts were such a great idea.
Everybody's talking about them.
Did you see the valet-parking board?
Half the key chains there are ours.
Look, Frasier, this is a very big night for me,
so please, please don't spoil it by making fun of who I brought.
I thought you were bringing Brad MacNamara.
I was, but he got called out on a story at the last minute.
Some hospital went up in flames.
Do you know anyone who has worse luck than I do?
Hi, Dr. Crane.
Hi, Noel.
- Noel Shempsky's your date? - Mm-hm.
A tip, Dr. Crane?
If you're ever nominated again,
there's a metered parking lot three blocks away.
They don't check after 6.
Oh, and here are the car keys so you can drive us home.
I have night blindness.
I wish I did.
Hi.
- I'm Noel. - Nice to meet you.
- Can you rub me feet? - [Frasier] Oh, Daphne!
- Good evening, everybody. - Oh, hi, Niles.
Thank you so much for coming.
I know how you feel about this award and about coming downtown after dark.
Don't be silly. You're my brother.
And I wouldn't miss a gala affair like this.
- Hello, Daphne. - Can you rub me feet?
- Yes. - Niles.
So where's Maris?
Well, we were just getting ready to leave the house
when Maris caught a glimpse of herself in the hall mirror.
Niles, at the end of this story, will I roll my eyes?
- I did. - Well, then just skip it.
Listen, get me a Scotch, would you?
Boy, that Fletcher Grey. He's aces.
Would you believe he remembered me from 1968?
- No. - Yeah.
I was working on a murder case he was covering.
He just looked at me and said, "You're the guy who found the head."
He's been nominated for this award 11 times, and he's never won it.
Really?
Jeez, I didn't know that.
I'm afraid he's just going to have to lose again, right, Dr. Crane?
If he does, you could always cheer him up by sending him something
from your little gift shop.
[Fletcher] Dr. Crane?
Fletcher Grey.
I've been meaning to come over and wish you luck,
- even though I don't think you need it. - Well, that's very kind.
I hardly think I have a chance against you tonight.
You know, I hope you're right. I'd really love to win it this time.
Eleven losses in a row. It's starting to get embarrassing.
Oh, don't be silly. You'd have to lose 15,
16 times before you could feel the least bit ashamed.
Would you believe that I even considered campaigning for it this year?
You know, sending out gifts, throwing one of those parties.
- Ah. - Bet you'd have something to say
on your radio program about someone who's that self-absorbed.
I bet he could do a whole hour on it.
Fletcher, dear, they're starting to serve the salads.
Oh, Mom.
I'm 60 years old and I'm still her little boy.
Dr. Crane, I'd like you to meet my mother, Hannah.
What a pleasure, Hannah. Nice to meet you.
Mom just flew in from Scottsdale.
This is her 11th year.
I hope he wins it this time.
It's getting harder and harder to get on that plane.
Mom, why don't you go back to the table before your legs swell up?
I'll get you another Pink Lady.
No, no, no, Mom, over-- Over there.
- Sorry, I've been detained, dear. - [Frasier] Oh, hi, Bebe.
Civilization will not advance one iota
until they start putting more toilets in the ladies' room.
Oh, thank you, Niles.
Oh, champagne.
A diet root beer.
I have to tell you that the buzz in line was that all those lovely gifts
you've been sending have really paid off.
It looks like you're in a neck-and-neck race
with Fletcher Grey, that wrinkled old warhorse.
Hello, Mr. Crane.
You're even more handsome than the last time I saw you.
If I were 20 years older, they couldn't keep me away from you.
That's why I keep this cane.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Would everybody please take their seats?
I'm Keith Bishop, and I'd like to welcome you
to the 15th annual Sea Be a Awards.
Assisting me tonight in handing out the awards
is Miss Sea Be a 1994, Tawny Van Deusen.
Listen, Roz,
I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable
about all the campaigning we did.
Did you know that Fletcher Grey has been nominated 11 times and never won?
He didn't lift a finger to win this thing.
Frasier, don't worry about him. Besides, he can win it next year.
[Keith] Before we start this evening's program,
I'd like to take this moment to make a very sad announcement.
I just found out moments ago that the dean of Seattle radio,
my mentor, Fletcher Grey,
will be retiring this year.
[crowd] Aw.
[Keith] Take a bow, Fletcher.
Well, we're gonna start things off with a bang.
The award for Outstanding Achievement for informational Programming in Radio.
That's us. That's us.
Whoops, can't see a thing without my glasses.
You know, Fletcher Grey really deserves this award.
If we win, can't we just, like, not accept it?
Listen, Frasier, I have waited ten years to get this award,
and if I have to crawl over Fletcher Grey's mother to get it,
I'll do it.
Roz, I've never seen you like this before.
It isn't pretty, is it?
The nominees are... Community Forum.
Wendy Yashiro, talent, Mike Freedman, producer.
Consumer Update.
Mike Sanchez, talent,
T. J. "Chester" Nuevo, producer.
The Frasier Crane Show.
Dr. Frasier Crane, talent, Roz Doyle, producer.
[table cheering]
Fletcher Grey, From Where I Sit.
Fletcher Grey, talent, Fletcher Grey, producer.
- [Martin] Bravo! - [crowd cheering]
[Keith] And the envelope, please.
If we win this thing, they're gonna lynch us.
So what? At least everyone'll see my dress.
Well, this is a first.
It seems we have a tie.
Good, we can share it with Fletcher.
I don't wanna share it. I'm already sharing it with you.
And the winners are Wendy Yashiro and Mike Sanchez!
- What? - What?
What?
Well, the party's over. Are you coming home?
No, Dad.
Well, I guess we'll just go home without you.
Fine with me.
Listen, Frasier, I don't agree with the way you went about it,
but I'm still sorry that you lost. It's never easy to lose.
Thanks, Dad.
If you would've joined sports when you were a kid,
when the lessons of winning and losing could've been learned at an early age--
- Dad. - All right. Sorry. Wrong time.
We'll talk about it tomorrow over breakfast.
Okay, Daphne, let's get you home
and soak your feet in some hot Epsom salts.
Oh, I have the life of a princess.
Don't feel bad, Roz. It's an honor just to get a nomination.
Will you stop saying that?
Okay, I'm leaving.
Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. I'm just despondent.
No, no, go ahead.
Roz!
Noel, Noel, I'm sorry.
Thank you. I'll see you at work on Monday?
How are you guys doing?
- Hmm. - Oh, I've been better.
Thank you.
You know, when you feel the sting of losing,
you have to realize that it all boils down to the fact
that it's not about awards.
It's not about accolades.
It's about a body of work.
If you can look at yourself in the mirror and say you've done a good job,
that's all that matters.
If you can do that,
let the awards fall where they may.
Wow.
All those nominations, nothing to show for it,
and he still walks out of here with his head held high
and a smile on his face.
I'm never gonna get nominated for a Sea Be a again.
Oh, come on, Roz.
I mean it. I'm not.
Oh, no, no.
The work is full of winners and losers, and I'm just a loser.
Oh, now, I wouldn't be with you if you were a loser.
Come on. We're a team.
Look, before we're done, we're gonna win lots of these things.
You and I are amigos, compadres, okay?
Now, listen, I'm not gonna leave your side until I see a little smile on that face.
[Roz] Oh...
- [Tawny] Dr. Crane? - Hmm?
I really love your show, and I was just wondering,
would you like to have a drink with me?
[Roz sobbing]
Do I see the beginning of a little smile?
Oh, go ahead.
Thanks, Roz.
So, uh...
that's a very interesting name you have.
[Tawny] You mean Miss Sea Be a?
[Frasier] Well, actually, I, uh...
Yeah.
[theme music playing]
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ Quite stylish ♪
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
♪ With those tossed salads And scrambled eggs ♪
♪ They're callin' again ♪
Good night, Seattle, we love you!