1
00:00:02,044 --> 00:00:04,046
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:12,304
Double cappuccino, half-caf, nonfat milk,
3
00:00:12,304 --> 00:00:14,139
with just enough foam
to be aesthetically pleasing
4
00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:16,225
but not so much
that it leaves a mustache.
5
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:19,770
- Cinnamon or chocolate on that?
- They make this so complicated.
6
00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:21,522
- Um, cinnamon.
- And you?
7
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:25,192
- Let me see, I think I'll have the--
- Oh! Look! It's Daphne. Daphne!
8
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:26,235
[Frasier] Daphne!
9
00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:28,529
Oh. Hello.
Thought I might run into you here.
10
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:31,865
Oh, please sit, sit.
I just stopped in for a bag of beans.
11
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,367
- We're running low at home.
- Oh, well...
12
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,285
- I'd be happy to help.
- Oh, 2 pounds of...
13
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:36,578
[both] The Kenya blend.
14
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,288
You remembered.
15
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:39,206
Hard to forget.
16
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,166
[Frasier] You haven't taken my order yet.
17
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:43,669
- Most people find that blend too intense.
- Not me.
18
00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:46,046
I like something
that holds its body on my tongue.
19
00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:51,176
We seem to have spilled something here.
If you could just...
20
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:55,597
I don't suppose you'd be
interested in something robust,
21
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:57,182
if it didn't come on too strong.
22
00:00:57,182 --> 00:01:00,686
Oh, if it was a little bit sweet,
I might take a liking to it.
23
00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:03,647
Would you like to step over to the counter
and try my special blend?
24
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:04,606
I'd love to.
25
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:08,986
Oh, nothing for me, thanks!
26
00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:13,407
Frasier, that man
is hitting on our Daphne.
27
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:14,700
I don't know how she stands it.
28
00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:19,621
Niles, look, apropos of nothing,
how are things between you and Maris?
29
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,583
Are you implying that my concern
for Daphne's welfare
30
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,293
is anything less than pure?
31
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:25,794
I don't know, you tell me.
32
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,755
That is your great shortcoming.
You're always distrustful.
33
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,173
You're always suspicious.
34
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,676
Sometimes you just have to have faith
that people are all right--
35
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:33,677
What's he doing now?
36
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:37,306
- I believe he's bagging her beans.
- Oh!
37
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,267
Oh, I'm so excited.
38
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:43,103
Eric over there is taking me
to a club to hear his band tonight.
39
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,855
I know it's not my regular night off,
40
00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:46,565
but I'll switch it with Saturday
if that's okay.
41
00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:48,734
Oh, isn't he lovely?
42
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:51,194
I already have a nickname for him.
Eric the Red.
43
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:53,822
It favors him, doesn't it?
Don't you think he looks like a Viking?
44
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:55,365
- Well, I...
- Well, ta-ta.
45
00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:59,786
Oh. Look at me.
I forgot my beans. Earth to Daphne.
46
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:04,166
How could she like him?
47
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:07,002
The man has "community college"
written all over him.
48
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,421
Niles, you know,
49
00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:12,215
this infatuation with Daphne
is really getting out of hand.
50
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:14,718
I didn't really mind
when it was just a flirtation,
51
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:16,637
but, you know, I can't help thinking
52
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,765
that this is symptomatic
of something wrong between you and Maris.
53
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:23,602
Well, is it?
54
00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:26,938
Oh... Frasier, I can't lie to you.
The truth is...
55
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,274
Maris and I are in a bit of a rut.
56
00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:33,362
We seem to have lapsed
into this gray, numbing blandness.
57
00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:35,947
That's perfectly normal.
A relationship of some years...
58
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,493
Maybe you should try
spicing things up a bit.
59
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:40,452
You mean...
60
00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:42,079
boudoir-wise?
61
00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,413
For starters, yes.
62
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,208
- Like how?
- Well, well...
63
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:48,710
The two of you could, uh...
64
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:52,631
Well, you could...
65
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:56,551
Well, it's you and Maris, so you could...
66
00:02:58,762 --> 00:02:59,763
I'm stumped.
67
00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:07,688
Hi, Roz. How are you?
68
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:11,191
Do you really want to know how I am,
or are you just making conversation?
69
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:14,194
Because if you really want to know
how I am, I'll tell you.
70
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,821
I was just making conversation.
71
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,990
Actually, Roz,
there's some advice I need.
72
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:19,908
About what?
73
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:22,411
A subject in which
you're quite well versed: sex.
74
00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:23,912
How can I help you?
75
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,040
What do you do when...
76
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,209
When the romance
goes out of a relationship?
77
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,752
I get dressed and go home.
78
00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:34,965
Let's assume for a moment
79
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:37,259
that you are capable
of a long-term relationship.
80
00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:38,802
What would you do
to keep things cooking?
81
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,222
Well, once, I had a boyfriend
take me out to a bar,
82
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:45,142
and we pretended we were strangers
picking each other up.
83
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:48,019
- Hmm.
- Actually, that was kind of hot.
84
00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:49,187
[both chuckle]
85
00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:51,064
So you used, like, fantasy role-playing?
86
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:54,651
Yeah, as a matter of fact,
we had so much fun we tried it again.
87
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:58,196
Only the next time, he got so into it
he went home with another woman.
88
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:01,616
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, hell, she was gorgeous.
89
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,452
One more drink
and I'd have gone home with her.
90
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:08,540
My point is that women need
to see the men they make love to
91
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:11,501
as exciting, romantic figures.
92
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:14,421
I say, if you want to keep
this woman interested,
93
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,673
try creating a fantasy for an evening.
94
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:19,801
Personally, I think you'd make
a very sexy gladiator.
95
00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:23,096
Roz, this is not for me.
It's for my brother, Niles.
96
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,932
Oh, well, in that case,
make it a gladiola.
97
00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,729
[doorbell rings]
98
00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,316
[doorbell ringing]
99
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:38,779
Niles.
100
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:39,780
Niles.
101
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,032
I'm sorry, Frasier,
but something horrible has happened.
102
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,283
Maris kicked me out.
103
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:46,536
Dear God. Why? What for?
104
00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:01,218
- Oh, my.
- [Martin] What's going on out there?
105
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:02,469
Niles?
106
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,553
[Niles] Hello, Dad.
107
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:09,017
Never mind. I don't want to know.
108
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:11,770
Now, Dad, wait,
there's a perfectly reasonable explanation
109
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:12,771
for the way I'm dressed.
110
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:16,107
Keep in mind that I reserve the right
to say "stop" at any time.
111
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:19,778
Well, my plan was to leave a treasure map
downstairs for Maris
112
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,239
with clues that would lead her
to my whereabouts.
113
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,951
Then I'd hide in the linen closet
and wait for her to find me.
114
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,328
Dressed like that?
115
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:32,499
Actually, no, at the time,
I was wearing only my eye patch.
116
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:38,004
Technically, is it still an eye patch
if you're wearing it on your--?
117
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:38,839
Stop!
118
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,137
There I was... Ooh. ...lying in wait,
119
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:49,057
with my little plastic knife clenched
between my teeth,
120
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:51,518
when suddenly the closet door
was flung open
121
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:54,813
and I found myself face-to-face
with the upstairs maid.
122
00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:57,315
She began screaming
123
00:05:57,315 --> 00:06:00,944
what I gather were some very unflattering
things in idiomatic Guatemalan,
124
00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:06,575
when Maris stumbled upon the scene
and completely misconstrued it.
125
00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:08,785
Next thing I knew,
she ordered me out of the house.
126
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:10,996
I barely had time to grab my pantaloons
127
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,497
and buckle my swash.
128
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,670
Dad. Dad, it's not funny.
129
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,507
Where'd you come up
with such a stupid idea?
130
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:23,341
Frasier.
131
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,970
All I suggested
was some sexual role-playing.
132
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,472
You're the one that came up
with Pirates of the Caribbean.
133
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,185
I've really bungled it this time,
haven't I?
134
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:36,521
Oh, come on, these things happen.
135
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,440
Why don't you stay here tonight with us,
136
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,942
and then tomorrow morning
you and Maris can sort things out?
137
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,986
What if we don't? What will I do then?
138
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:46,364
Well, I suppose they could always use
an extra busboy at the Jolly Roger.
139
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,784
I'll never be able to face the maid again.
140
00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:52,746
I don't think it's your face
she'll remember.
141
00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:56,750
Oh, come on, Niles.
142
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,835
Everybody has
an embarrassing story to tell.
143
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:02,005
Did I tell you about the time I got locked
outside in the backyard in my underwear?
144
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:03,715
Only every Thanksgiving.
145
00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:07,177
Don't worry.
I won't be telling that story this year.
146
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,347
Here we are.
147
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,724
Canadian goose-down pillow,
148
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:15,393
Egyptian cotton sheets
and a nice vicuña throw
149
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:17,020
in case you get chilly during the night.
150
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:17,979
How perfect.
151
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:19,606
I still say
a couple of years in the service
152
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,483
would have done you boys
a world of good.
153
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:23,401
Good night.
154
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:24,319
Good night.
155
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,154
You know...
156
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:30,075
Frasier, Maris and I
have had our difficulties before,
157
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,493
but never anything this serious.
158
00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,411
I really feel terrible
having her mad at me.
159
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:36,456
It's times like this
when I wish I knew how to cry.
160
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,375
Don't be embarrassed on my account.
161
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,878
No, no, it's not that.
I'm just not someone who cries.
162
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,380
It's not in my nature.
163
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:46,132
When Maris' uncle Lyle died,
I had to shut my hand in the car door
164
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:48,343
just to make a decent showing
at the funeral.
165
00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:53,014
You're a complex little pirate,
aren't you?
166
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:57,727
- Well, good night, Niles.
- Good night.
167
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:00,855
Oh!
168
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:15,704
Well, thank you again, Eric.
I had a wonderful time.
169
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:16,663
Me too.
170
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,794
[Daphne] Well, good night.
171
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:23,712
[Eric] Good night.
172
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,350
[Niles whimpering]
173
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,188
I know we've only had a few dates,
174
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:46,067
but I'm already exhibiting
the three signs of a woman in love.
175
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,028
I can't stop thinking about him,
176
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,156
I can't eat,
and I bought myself all new underwear.
177
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,536
We've gotta get her
a girlfriend to talk to.
178
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:04,210
I just got off the phone with Maris.
She's in Arizona for the weekend.
179
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:05,128
Why?
180
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:07,589
She said she was so shattered
by the experience
181
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:09,299
she had to fly to her favorite spa
182
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:12,427
to contemplate the future
of our marriage from a mud bath.
183
00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:15,430
Well, it'll probably be good
for Mrs. Crane.
184
00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:17,807
Eric thinks the earth is very grounding.
185
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,560
Eric, Eric, Eric!
Must everything always be about Eric?
186
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,568
Niles, may I suggest
that when Maris returns,
187
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,529
you both invest some time
in some intensive couples therapy?
188
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:34,991
- There's a Reichian group--
- Oh, blah, blah, blah.
189
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:39,245
Look, all Maris needs to know
is that you love her.
190
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,622
Buy her some flowers.
191
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,832
Fix her a nice romantic dinner
when she gets home.
192
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,793
That's enough to make
any woman forgive you.
193
00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:48,004
- You really think that will work?
- If it didn't, you wouldn't be here.
194
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:55,637
Well, I'd be willing to try,
but it's impossible.
195
00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:57,472
Our cook walked out
in sympathy with Maris.
196
00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:59,724
Well, I could help you prepare something.
197
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,560
I have a late date with Eric...a.
198
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:06,731
An elderly aunt Erica.
But I could come over early
199
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:09,651
and have everything ready
by the time Mrs. Crane arrives.
200
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:10,485
Well...
201
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:12,612
thank you, Daphne.
202
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,073
Now, what do you think
Mrs. Crane would like for dinner?
203
00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:16,699
Oh, oh, you have free rein.
204
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,910
Just bear in mind
she can't have shellfish,
205
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:22,372
poultry, red meat,
saturated fats, nitrates,
206
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:25,667
wheat, starch, sulfites, MSG or dairy.
207
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,713
- Did I say nuts?
- Oh, I think that's implied.
208
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,011
[rain pattering]
209
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:39,013
[thunder crashing]
210
00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:56,656
Here, come in, Daphne,
and warm yourself by the fire.
211
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,658
How did you get so wet?
212
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,077
One of your trees blew down
in your driveway.
213
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,872
- I had to walk the last hundred yards.
- Oh.
214
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:07,917
- I must say, you have a beautiful home.
- Oh, well, thank you.
215
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:11,212
Actually, it was in Maris' family
for four generations.
216
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,506
When I was a mere intern,
I used to drive through these hills,
217
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,801
never dreaming that one day I would live
in one of these great mansions.
218
00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,971
Then one afternoon, there was Maris,
219
00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,264
looking so helpless,
220
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:24,350
banging on the electric gates
with her little fists and a tire iron.
221
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:25,810
They'd locked her in?
222
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,312
No, no, that was much later.
223
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:33,735
No, no, this time she was returning
from the antique mart with a rare bell jar
224
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,445
once owned by Sylvia Plath,
225
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,864
when the gates failed to open.
226
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,241
So naturally,
I stopped to offer my assistance,
227
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:44,120
and as our hands touched,
there was a sudden spark of electricity.
228
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:49,500
Then, as if by magic, the gates parted
before us, and we took it as a sign.
229
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,878
- You knew you were meant to be together.
- Yes.
230
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:54,672
We were married
just three short years later.
231
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:59,761
- Look at this. It's beautiful.
- It's a glockenspiel.
232
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,305
We bought it on our honeymoon in Zurich.
233
00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:05,558
I brought it down from the attic
to remind Maris of better times.
234
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,228
It used to play beautiful music,
and now it doesn't.
235
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,437
How's that for irony?
236
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:13,608
Well, let's get you into some dry clothes
237
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:17,320
so you can get started on dinner and
we can get you home in time for your date.
238
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:19,989
[sobbing]
239
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:22,533
Daphne?
240
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:25,828
What is it?
241
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:27,705
Nothing.
242
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:31,459
No, no, it's definitely something.
I'm a psychiatrist. I can read the signs.
243
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:33,795
Oh, I'm sorry.
244
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:37,006
I didn't want to spoil your reunion
with Mrs. Crane, but...
245
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:40,009
Eric broke up with me.
246
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,762
- He did?
- Yes.
247
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:46,557
He said he couldn't commit to me
and his music.
248
00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:48,059
He had to stay focused.
249
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:51,646
I know it was an excuse.
I've heard his music.
250
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:56,109
He must have another girl.
251
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,735
Oh. Oh-oh-oh...
252
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:03,032
Well, he's a fool, Daphne,
and if he can't appreciate you,
253
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:04,951
then you're better off without him.
254
00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:07,287
Right now I'm not so sure,
255
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,205
but thank you, Dr. Crane.
256
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,292
[phone ringing]
257
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:17,130
Niles Crane.
258
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,339
Oh, Maris!
259
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:21,926
Where are you?
260
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:25,638
What do you mean, you can't come home?
261
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,849
Well, it's not that bad a storm.
262
00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,851
[thunder crashing]
263
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,105
Oh, Maris, I really think
you should come home.
264
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:42,572
No, no, well, of course I don't want you
traveling if it's not safe.
265
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,074
Yes, yes, I understand.
266
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:46,367
I'll see you tomorrow.
267
00:13:49,704 --> 00:13:50,621
Well...
268
00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:53,249
seems like it's just the two of us.
269
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,209
You mean Mrs. Crane won't be coming?
270
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,920
[thunder crashing]
271
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,426
Oh, my. There goes the electricity.
272
00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:05,386
What do we do now?
273
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:18,441
No, no, the storm's really bad.
You shouldn't be driving in it anyway.
274
00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:20,568
No, you just spend the night there.
275
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,779
Right. Good night, Daphne.
276
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:26,741
- You told her to spend the night?
- Yeah. What's the problem?
277
00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:29,077
You know how Niles feels about her.
278
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:32,622
Oh, relax. It's just another one
of Niles' little crushes.
279
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:35,124
I suppose you're right.
Niles is harmless enough.
280
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,001
He'd never try anything
with Maris in the house.
281
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,170
Maris never made it back.
She's stuck in Arizona.
282
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,297
- I've gotta get Daphne out of there!
- Why?
283
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:45,134
God, it's a recipe for disaster.
You've got a vulnerable woman
284
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,845
and an unstable man
in a Gothic mansion on a rainy night.
285
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:50,932
All that's missing is someone shouting,
"Heathcliff!" across the moors.
286
00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:52,100
Wait for me.
287
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:54,811
- No, Dad, Dad, you're not coming.
- Yes, I am coming.
288
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,270
[both bickering]
289
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:59,148
[playing tempestuous music]
290
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:10,118
- Oh, Dr. Crane, you play beautifully.
- Thank you.
291
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,453
[plays discordant notes]
292
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:18,793
[plays resolving chords]
293
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:23,923
I found this in your upstairs guest room.
I hope it's all right.
294
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,509
I thought you were going to put on
some of Maris' clothes.
295
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:29,095
You know, something bulky
from her wool collection.
296
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:33,891
Well, I was.
But she's quite a bit smaller than me.
297
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:37,228
This was all I could find that fit.
Should I go look for something else?
298
00:15:37,228 --> 00:15:39,397
No. Yes. No...
299
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:41,232
Oh-- No-- [bangs keys] Ooh. Uh--
300
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:48,406
No, no, the important thing
is that it's big enough and...
301
00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:50,074
warm enough and...
302
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:51,951
silky enough...
303
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:53,953
and...
304
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,663
I have to make a phone call.
305
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,546
[ringing]
306
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,217
[on machine]
Hello. This is Dr. Frasier Crane.
307
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:10,720
- I'm listening.
- [machine beeps]
308
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:11,679
[Niles] Frasier.
309
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:13,389
Frasier.
310
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:17,351
I'm having a little crisis here.
Actually, a large crisis.
311
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,020
It's no time to screen calls.
312
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:20,605
Damn!
313
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:21,772
[dial tone hums]
314
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:25,610
- This is stupid.
- It is not.
315
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:28,070
Nothing's gonna happen
between them anyway.
316
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:30,948
What if it does?
He's my brother, and he loves his wife.
317
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:34,785
Now, now, I know their marriage
is not everyone's cup of tea.
318
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:37,955
But on some twisted, bizarre level,
it seems to work for them.
319
00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:40,291
If Niles did something
to hurt his marriage,
320
00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:41,375
he'd be the one to suffer.
321
00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:42,919
I'm his brother. I won't let him suffer.
322
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:45,046
Slow down.
You're gonna miss the turn onto Roosevelt.
323
00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:47,632
Dad, I allowed you to come along
strictly on the agreement
324
00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:49,091
that you would not give directions.
325
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,134
I'm not giving directions.
326
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:53,471
- I'm telling you which way is faster.
- Oh! Roosevelt will add ten minutes.
327
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:54,889
In sunshine. In rain, it's faster.
328
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:57,391
Oh, spatial relationships change
when it rains?
329
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,519
No, you just get better traction
on Roosevelt.
330
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,730
You wouldn't have to worry about that
if you had all-weather tires on the car,
331
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,774
but no, you gotta have
the fancy German things.
332
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:05,691
[both bickering]
333
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:10,780
We'd better make this last.
334
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,698
This is all that's left of the wood.
335
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,325
[sobbing]
336
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:15,743
Oh, no, don't worry.
337
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:18,746
If this runs out, there's an antique
sideboard in the drawing room
338
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:20,331
that I think is a reproduction.
339
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,001
Oh. It's Eric isn't it?
340
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:28,005
I don't know why I'm being so silly.
341
00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:31,384
We weren't together long enough
for anything to really happen.
342
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,053
Sometimes the most powerful feelings
343
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,347
can come from the promise
of what might happen.
344
00:17:36,347 --> 00:17:37,848
Just the anticipation is enough
345
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:40,685
to make all the little hairs
on your neck stand on end.
346
00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:44,146
[thunder crashing]
347
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,358
- Dr. Crane.
- Yes, Daphne.
348
00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:49,485
- We're losing the fire.
- No, we're not.
349
00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,779
It's burning with the heat
of a thousand suns.
350
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,492
But it's down to its last embers.
351
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:58,494
Well, then, I'll put some wood on it.
352
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:02,832
You had to keep pumping gas,
so now you've flooded it.
353
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:05,751
Dad, you cannot flood
a fuel-injected engine.
354
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,211
Oh, this is so maddening.
355
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:10,006
We're so close to the house
I can see the gargoyles.
356
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:13,801
- If we'd taken Roosevelt--
- We'd be stuck on Roosevelt.
357
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,428
You never could admit you made a mistake.
358
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:19,015
That is it. Just call the auto club.
I'm gonna make a dash for it.
359
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:24,270
You'll make better time if you take
the shortcut by the side of the fountain!
360
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:26,564
Well, same to you!
361
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,986
[Daphne] I suppose
I just fall in love too fast.
362
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:36,324
The minute I feel that spark,
I just give my heart away.
363
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:39,702
Daphne, you must stop
being so hard on yourself.
364
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:43,247
What you see as a fault
is also your greatest gift.
365
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,082
To be so open
366
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:47,752
and warm and loving.
367
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,171
You're so kind, Dr. Crane.
368
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,132
I'm glad we ended up like this tonight.
369
00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:54,675
So am I.
370
00:18:56,802 --> 00:19:01,098
It's just so nice to be with a man
you feel so comfortable with.
371
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:04,143
I feel very close to you.
372
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,313
I feel very close to you too, Daphne.
373
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:11,275
You know, it's easy
being someone you feel close to
374
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,195
when you feel close
to someone who's so...
375
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:15,946
close.
376
00:19:16,906 --> 00:19:18,949
[thunder crashing]
377
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:21,744
[glockenspiel playing lively tune]
378
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:28,626
Dr. Crane!
Your glockenspiel has sprung to life!
379
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:37,176
Oh, the clock!
380
00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:43,724
My God. It hasn't run like this in years.
381
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:45,059
Maris will be delighted.
382
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:50,940
Maris.
383
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,319
You really love her, don't you?
384
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,155
You know, I do.
385
00:20:01,617 --> 00:20:03,244
Love is a funny thing, isn't it?
386
00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:07,039
Sometimes it's exciting and passionate,
and sometimes it's...
387
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:08,624
something else.
388
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,293
Something comfortable and familiar.
389
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:15,256
That newly exfoliated little face
staring up at you
390
00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:16,924
from across the breakfast table.
391
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:23,264
Sharing a laugh together when you see
someone wearing white after Labor Day.
392
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:29,019
I hope someday
some man will feel that way about me.
393
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:31,355
Oh... Daphne, don't worry.
394
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,274
You are a very...
395
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,987
special person, and someday,
a man worthy of you will come along.
396
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,990
Just as soon as the gods create him.
397
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,369
That's the loveliest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
398
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,037
Thank you, Dr. Crane.
399
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:48,789
You're a good friend.
400
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,586
[Frasier] Stop!
401
00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:56,213
[yelling]
402
00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:58,257
[Niles] Frasier!
403
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:02,970
Have you two gone mad?
404
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,680
You'll regret this
for the rest of your lives!
405
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,307
What are you talking about?
406
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:09,894
Well, the two of you here alone,
the fire, the candlelight, the nightie!
407
00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:11,729
Dr. Crane.
408
00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:14,148
You didn't think
that Dr. Crane and I were...?
409
00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:16,025
Dr. Crane!
410
00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:19,653
You have some nerve
to imply that your brother
411
00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:21,697
would do anything so deplorable.
412
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:24,909
Why, just moments ago,
he made a beautiful speech
413
00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:27,244
about how much he loves his wife,
414
00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:30,706
how he cherishes
her excruciating little face,
415
00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:32,500
and how they laugh at white people.
416
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:38,005
- That didn't sound right.
- Close enough.
417
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,467
I'm sorry, Daphne.
I didn't mean to suggest--
418
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:42,802
I wasn't trying to imply that--
419
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:46,013
Then just exactly what was it
you wanted us to stop doing?
420
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,392
[Frasier] I wanted you to stop, uh...
421
00:21:50,392 --> 00:21:53,437
standing here in silence.
A night like this calls for music.
422
00:21:53,437 --> 00:21:57,358
Daphne, please, some wine for all of us.
Niles, join me at the piano, please.
423
00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:03,030
Are you sure everything's all right?
424
00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:04,114
Absolutely.
425
00:22:04,114 --> 00:22:07,117
Frasier, my glockenspiel is working again.
426
00:22:11,455 --> 00:22:12,748
Shall we?
427
00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:14,708
[both playing upbeat music]
428
00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:18,379
[theme music playing]
429
00:22:18,379 --> 00:22:23,133
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin'
Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
430
00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:25,344
♪ Mercy ♪
431
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:27,680
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
432
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,474
♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
433
00:22:30,474 --> 00:22:32,726
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
434
00:22:32,726 --> 00:22:34,061
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
435
00:22:34,061 --> 00:22:37,523
♪ With those tossed salads
And scrambled eggs ♪
436
00:22:38,524 --> 00:22:40,109
♪ They're callin' again ♪
437
00:22:40,776 --> 00:22:43,904
Frasier has left the building.