So, Dr. Crane, I just don't know what to do about my weight.
I've tried diet after diet, from the "milkshakes three times a day"
to that scary bald-headed lady on TV.
Nothing's working.
Hank, listen to me.
You've got to look inside yourself.
There is a part of you that isn't being fed.
Well, it certainly isn't my butt.
Yes, well, I'm talking about your inner self.
What isn't being fed there? Love, career, simple self-esteem?
There are deeper issues here.
So... So, what do I do?
I'd suggest extended therapy.
Please stay on the line, and my producer Roz will refer you to the help you need.
Roz, who's our next call?
We have someone who disagrees with your advice to Hank.
Ah, really? Hello, you're on the line.
Congratulations, Frasier, you've done it again.
You've led another unsuspecting innocent
down one of your dark, dead-end Freudian hallways.
Lilith.
Overeating is a behavioral problem caused by negative reinforcement.
It can be cured quite readily by behavior modification.
I see. Well, Seattle, we have a celebrity of sorts on the line.
This is my ex-wife Lilith.
- What do you mean by celebrity? - Oh, they know you.
Roz, what exactly does call screening mean?
It means I get to put on the air the calls I wanna hear.
Well, Lilith, what brings you to Seattle, the constant rain?
I'm here for a convention, and I happened to hear your voice on the radio.
I kept hoping you'd introduce Pearl Jam's latest hit,
but much to my chagrin, you were doling out
worthless, little advice pellets from your psychiatric Pez dispenser.
Well, I guess you'll be rushing off to your convention now.
We'll catch up on your next trip.
I'm not doing anything for dinner tonight.
Really? Then keep your dial tuned to 780 for Gil Chesterton's Restaurant Beat.
Ask her out to dinner, Dr. Crane.
What a wonderful idea!
And let me tell you why, Seattle.
Even though our marriage was unsuccessful,
Lilith and I are quite capable of conducting ourselves as adults,
and even enjoying spending some time together, from time to time.
- So, Lilith, 7 at my place? - Sounds great.
In my day, when two people broke up,
you were mad, you were angry, you hated each other!
Whatever happened to the sanctity of divorce?
Dad, you never liked Lilith.
She's weird.
She is not weird.
Oh, she's weird.
- Maybe she's a little strange. - No, Maris is a little strange.
Lilith is weird.
Gee, Dad, I had no idea you preferred my wife to Frasier's.
Oh, my head!
- Can I get you an aspirin, Daphne? - Oh, no, no, I'm afraid those are useless.
This is one of my psychic headaches.
There's some kind of negative force out there.
I only get these when there's a clawing at the cosmic continuum.
- Perhaps if someone rubbed your temples... - Niles!
I'm sure she wants privacy while she contacts the mother ship.
Frasier, I must tell you, I'm here for support,
but I will not speak to Lilith.
Oh, Niles, this ongoing feud between you and Lilith is ridiculous!
Let it go, it was years ago.
I can't even remember what the fight was about.
Well, let me refresh you.
At our wedding, while Maris was reciting her vows,
which she wrote herself, vows of love from the heart,
I heard snickering.
I glanced behind me and saw Lilith,
her fingers pressed against her lips, her body shaking like a paint mixer.
All right, there she is.
Now, listen, it's just one evening out of your life.
- Will you at least try to be civil? - All right, but I refuse to be warm.
- Hello, Lilith. - Frasier.
Please come in. Uh...
Yes.
Hi.
- Here, let me take these. - Thank you.
There we are.
Oh, look who's here.
- Hello, Martin. Hello, Niles. - Hello.
- Where's Maris? - Visiting her sister in Chicago.
Oh. I thought perhaps she was sailing up the transplendent river of your love.
Frasier, I like what you've done here.
- Thank you. - You have some beautiful things.
The settlement is final, Lilith.
Go away.
Why does he listen to you and not to me?
By the tone of my voice, he senses I mean business.
Oh, I see. You're saying your voice is more commanding than mine is?
Hell, I took a half a step before I realized she was talking to the dog.
Oh, my Lord. I've never had a throbbing like this!
Daphne, uh, this is my ex-wife, Dr. Lilith Stern in.
Lilith, this is Daphne Moon, my dad's physical therapist.
- It's nice to meet you. - An equal pleasure.
When I shook hands with that woman, I lost all feeling in me arm.
Frasier, I'm going to use the phone.
Maris was developing some sniffles.
I wanna make sure she's taking in enough liquids.
Isn't it enough that she's eternally sipping
from the font of your perpetual adoration?
Martin, I'm delighted to see you here tonight.
- Oh, yeah? - Oh, yes.
Knowing as I do your history with Frasier,
when I heard that he'd taken you in,
I immediately flipped to The Weather Channel
to see if hell had indeed frozen over.
Frasier, how'd you ever let this little peach get away?
I think dinner's ready. Why don't we move to the table?
So, Lilith, how is Frederick?
I've enrolled him in that chess camp in The Berkshires.
It's quite stimulating.
For eight hours a day, he sits in a large auditorium,
with 300 other children, mastering the Alhausen-Grob Opening.
Well, he's in the mountains. Shouldn't he be out in the fresh air?
Every day they go for a nature walk.
But Frederick is allergic to seven different varieties of ivy,
so he has to wear long sleeves and long pants
and a bonnet with a net on it.
I sure hope the other campers don't make fun of him.
Oh, I'm sure they don't. You know how kind kids can be.
Hell, all he needs is a birthmark on his forehead
and they'd beat him to death with a shovel!
So I chased this guy down a dark alley.
And when he got to the end, he pulled a knife on me.
So I gave him a couple of good shots with my nightstick.
Fascinating.
I have to ask, were you at all aware of any repressed sexual urges
while you were pummeling him so mercilessly?
Yeah, but I didn't put them in the report.
You're having some fun at my expense, aren't you?
Not much.
- In fact, I'm going to bed. Good night. - Good night, Dad.
Oh, well, if you don't need me, I'll be shuffling off as well.
Well, good night.
It was a pleasure meeting you.
How many days will you be staying in Seattle?
Just through the weekend.
Well, enjoy your stay. I'll be dead by Saturday night, I know it!
I guess I'll say my goodbyes as well.
Good night, Frasier.
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Lilith, listen, Niles is upset because you snickered at Maris' wedding vows.
I simply responded with the genuine emotion
I was feeling at the moment.
But if Niles is not mature enough to accept that,
if he is so pitifully insecure,
if he is in such need of validation,
then I guess for some sense of familial harmony, I do apologize.
Oh, Lilith, thank you!
Oh!
Oh, this bad blood between us has gone on far too long!
Next time you're in town, we'll have dinner, just you and me.
He doesn't get that kind of validation at home, you see.
Well, it's just the two of us.
Yes, it's the first time we've been alone together
since the lawyers put us in that room until there was a resolution.
Yes, well, this was nice.
Yes, it was, wasn't it?
You have a beautiful view.
Well, it's a beautiful city.
I hope you enjoy your convention.
For God's sake, Frasier. There is no convention.
- I'm here because of the letter. - What letter?
You know very well what letter.
The one you left in the apartment last month
when you visited Frederick, the one proposing we get back together.
Surely you didn't forget?
"My darling, how could a love like ours have fallen so far from grace?
There must be some part of your heart
that still resounds to the rhythm of my own.
I fear that I'll be lost without you.
As long as we have love, love will keep us together."
Aside from the shameless pilfering from the Captain and Tennille,
I was moved by your entreaty.
I felt the same way, and yet I felt the need
to create this pretense of arriving here for a convention
because I was still torn and unable to commit myself.
But seeing you now, I realize how much I've missed you.
Lilith, I did write that letter,
and I did leave it in the apartment, but...
- Yes? - It wasn't last month.
It was nearly a year ago.
It's before I moved to Seattle. You just found it now?
It had fallen behind the dresser.
Well, I see the cleaning service is doing its usual bang-up job.
- Well, don't I feel like the perfect fool? - Listen, Lilith--
Here I am, humiliated, emotionally drained,
and I've used up all my frequent flyer miles.
- Lilith, please! - No, Frasier, there's nothing else to say.
I'd like to leave with a shred of dignity.
Thank you.
I wrote this letter just before I came to Seattle, hoping for a reconciliation.
She only just now found it.
Didn't the Captain and Tennille sing this?
Like they own those five words!
You know, I got over her, I moved out here.
She comes back, and I wonder if I made the right decision.
I did write that letter.
It appears you are at a crossroads.
That's a nice way of saying I'm in hell.
Niles, I have a life here that suits me,
and yet I can't help wondering if there is still some chance for reconciliation,
if it's worth exploring the feelings that I'm feeling.
Should I see her again tonight?
Like most patients who see a therapist, you already know the answer to that.
You just want me to agree with you
and support you, whether I share your opinion or not.
- I don't have an opinion in this case. - I'm sure you do.
- But I don't. - Well, then I can't help you.
All right, all right.
I think in my soul, I'm leaning toward taking the next step
and seeing if there's anything there.
That is what you should do.
- Why? - You know why.
Damn it, Niles!
Frasier, you know why.
All right.
We have a long history together, we have a son that we both adore.
There were some good times, and when they were good: Hoo-ah!
It seems our minds are pretty well made up, aren't they?
Yes, they are. Thank you, Niles. I don't know what I'd do without you.
- Yes, you do. - Drop it!
- Hello, Lilith. - Frasier, come in.
I must be early. You haven't had a chance to put up your hair yet.
- Oh, I thought I'd leave it down tonight. - Really?
Yes, after several hours of careful deliberation
and weighing all the consequences, I decided to be playful.
I'm glad you invited me to dinner.
How could I not? I felt so awful about last night.
I just thought you'd read the letter long ago and ignored it.
No explanation necessary. It was a simple misunderstanding.
Okay. Well, I know a great French bistro just around the corner--
Frasier? Before we go anywhere,
I would just like to go on record as saying that,
regardless of everything that's happened,
I respect you for getting on with your life as successfully as you have.
Well, I'd like to say that I feel the same way about you.
Frederick is flourishing, and I'm sure that's in no small part due to you.
Oh, thank you. That means a great deal to me.
That's the first pleasant thing we've said to each other in almost a year.
You're right.
You know, I'm suddenly quite moved.
I am too.
Would it be a dreadful contretemps if I kissed you right now?
You can always try.
You wanna bag dinner?
There's a bed and an honor bar, what more do we need?
Come to me, my white-hot flame!
I was insane to divorce you!
You're in my thoughts every waking hour!
- You're the only man I've ever loved! - So are you!
Good morning.
Jolly good morning to you too.
I could stay like this all morning.
Me too.
I'm so glad I took the chance to fly out here to be with you.
Yes, me too, me too.
I'll get that!
Must be the breakfast we ordered last night.
Boy, I am famished!
You should be. You were a busy boy.
- Hi. - Good morning, sir.
Just bring it right in here, please. That's fine.
Little something for you too. Thank you, good day.
Well, boy, it's funny how life takes its little turns, isn't it?
Yesterday morning when I woke up,
I never imagined I'd be waking up here this morning.
Indeed.
And I mean, it's not that we were overly impulsive or anything,
- or that what we did was wrong, I just... - This is a mistake.
Oh, thank God you said that!
Last night was very enjoyable, but who are we kidding?
We got on with our lives!
I've got a new career, reestablished my family relationships,
I've got a whole new set of friends, for the first time in years, I'm happy!
For us to even consider getting back together,
it's just the stupidest thing two people could do!
I meant the eggs. I ordered poached, not fried.
Well, you didn't let me finish, you see, um...
- After I played devil's advocate-- - Oh, Frasier, don't insult me!
That's how you really feel, isn't it?
I'm afraid so.
Oh, Lilith, are you crying?
God, I'm sorry.
Once again, I've led you down an emotional primrose path.
Lilith, I never meant to hurt you. I don't blame you if you're mad at me.
I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at me.
I don't even know what I'm doing here.
I've just been so lonely over the last year,
and when I found your letter, it was like a life preserver.
I'm raising a child alone. I'm scared.
I always thought of myself as a strong and independent person,
but the truth is, I'm afraid.
I guess that's why I convinced myself that I was still in love with you.
- You mean, you're not? - No, I'm not.
Well, that's, uh... Well, that's good.
So then what happened last night was only because you were lonely and I was--
We all know what you were, Frasier.
Oh, Lilith, Lilith, here, here, come with me here.
Now, listen, look in there, tell me what you see.
All right, I'll tell you what I see.
I see the same strong-willed, dynamic, intelligent woman
I married seven years ago.
You're just suffering a temporary lapse. Divorce does that to you.
Listen, I won't say anything as trite as someday you'll find someone.
But I know this. I know you.
And I know that no matter what the future holds in store for you,
you'll handle it.
Thank you, Frasier.
- You hungry? - Yeah.
Okay.
You always knew how to buck me up when I was blue.
You helped me through some hard times yourself.
Those married years weren't all bad. We did have some good moments.
The best one was Frederick.
We'll always have that.
And, you know, I can't help telling you this.
Even though we're not in love anymore,
you were always the most exciting lover I ever had.
I think in your heart that you'd say the same about me.
They screwed up the toast too. I ordered rye.
Lilith?
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ Oh, my ♪
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
♪ Ha, ha, ha-ha ♪
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
♪ With those tossed salads And scrambled eggs ♪
♪ They're calling again Good night! ♪