1
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:03,962
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,969
Okay, Dad, now you've seen
the executive offices,
3
00:00:10,969 --> 00:00:13,096
the advertising offices
and the lunch room.
4
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:18,602
And we've now finally come
to the sanctum sanctorum, my studio.
5
00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,896
Oh, you might recognize
that handsome rogue over there.
6
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,899
Wow, your head photographs
even bigger than it is.
7
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,276
Very droll. Get in here.
8
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:30,447
This is what,
we in the radio game, call "the booth."
9
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:32,991
It's here that I sit day after day
and dispense the advice
10
00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:35,827
that helps the emotionally distraught
through their troubled lives.
11
00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:38,080
Mmm. Suppose this stuff's bulletproof?
12
00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,376
Dad, you know
you could have gone home after lunch.
13
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,628
- I thought you'd enjoy it.
- No, don't touch that!
14
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:46,505
It's a sophisticated piece
of electronic equipment.
15
00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:48,173
- What is it?
- I have no idea!
16
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:49,675
Roz told me never to touch it.
17
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:53,595
- See, Dad, the usual procedure is--
- Testing! Testing!
18
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:55,472
- Testing!
- Dad! Dad! Dad!
19
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:57,099
Let's just go into Roz's booth, okay?
20
00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:58,934
You can touch
anything you want to in there.
21
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:00,936
- Hey, Frasier!
- Hello, Roz.
22
00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:04,273
- Hi, Mr. Crane. What brings you here?
- Hi. I'm just showing Dad around.
23
00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:05,857
Then he's gonna sit
and listen to the show.
24
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:08,777
Yeah, it's kind of like payback
for when Frasier and Niles were kids.
25
00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:11,029
I used to show them
around the police station where I worked.
26
00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:14,116
Yes, he used to make
a big game of "locking" us
27
00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:16,743
in one of the cells
and then pretending to lose the key.
28
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:20,330
I was just joking with them.
I knew they weren't scared.
29
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:24,084
Well, no, we weren't really scared.
After a while, we did become quite hungry.
30
00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:27,754
Hey, Frasier, could you lend me 10 bucks?
31
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,214
Did you leave your wallet home?
32
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:31,842
No, I gave the last of my money
to this poor guy down
33
00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,969
in front of the building.
He's an Australian tourist.
34
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:36,179
He lost his wallet and needed 10 dollars.
35
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:38,348
To take a cab to the Australian Consulate
before it closes?
36
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:40,058
Yeah. How'd you know?
37
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:42,477
There is no Australian Consulate
in Seattle.
38
00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,731
Oh, that poor guy.
39
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:50,652
Roz, it's a scam. He scammed you.
40
00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:53,405
No. This guy was for real.
Honest. He even said--
41
00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:54,740
"If you give me your address,
42
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,700
I'll send you the money
back with interest."
43
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,911
God. I'm an idiot!
44
00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:03,457
No. Don't feel bad.
These guys are professionals.
45
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,292
- [tape rewinding]
- Don't touch that!
46
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:10,881
What is this place?
A radio station or a nuclear missile site?
47
00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:13,800
No, listen, Roz, don't feel bad.
48
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,594
I was a cop for 30 years
49
00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,846
and they could still fake me out
once in a while.
50
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:20,307
These guys are professionals.
They know what to do.
51
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:22,434
Especially if you're
an easy mark like Roz.
52
00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,811
Hey, the criminal mind is
more complex than you think.
53
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,022
- They can fool you.
- By all means, Dad,
54
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:29,608
lecture me on the complexities
of the human mind.
55
00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:31,818
Are you forgetting that I graduated
with honors from Harvard
56
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,446
- in psycho-social behaviorisms?
- I know. I was at your graduation.
57
00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:38,033
Impressive bunch. A car backfired
and half of them wet their gowns.
58
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,536
Well, it sounded louder on the dais.
59
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:45,415
All I'm trying to say is,
if it were me on the street,
60
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:46,500
I wouldn't have been fooled.
61
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,543
You think because of your book smarts
62
00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:50,170
you can spot a crook just like that, huh?
63
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,172
Well, if I can't,
I'm in the wrong business.
64
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,883
You want to put your money
where your mouth is?
65
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:55,926
Oh, what do you mean?
66
00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,428
I've got three people coming over
for poker tonight.
67
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:01,181
Two of them are cops.
The third one's done time in jail.
68
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,518
I'll bet you 5 bucks,
you can't tell which one's the ex-con.
69
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:05,977
Hey, can I get in on the action?
70
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,438
- Of course, you can.
- Great, 10 bucks on your dad.
71
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:12,859
Oh, you're just itching to give
your money away today, aren't you?
72
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:15,529
All right, you're both on.
But I think you're underestimating me!
73
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,989
What truffles are to pigs,
so are these charlatans
74
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,658
and pettifoggers to my mental acuity.
75
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:25,956
We didn't know better back then.
His mother smoked during pregnancy.
76
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:36,550
So who are these people
coming over tonight?
77
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,677
Just some of Dad's old friends
from the precinct.
78
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:42,431
Yeah, well, if we're having company,
someone should have been cleaned up.
79
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:45,726
Because someone hasn't been
smelling so fresh lately.
80
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:48,979
Because someone is long overdue for a tub.
81
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,564
Hey, I took a shower this morning.
82
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:55,110
You know I was talking about Eddie.
He's long overdue for a--
83
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,987
Don't say that word.
84
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,739
- What word?
- B-A-T-H.
85
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,955
When he yawns, it smells like swamp gas,
but his spelling is improving.
86
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,624
[doorbell rings]
87
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,919
I've made meatball sandwiches,
88
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:15,881
pepperoni pizzas
and little sausage rolls.
89
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,215
Will you need anything else?
90
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:19,217
The number
of the nearest gastro enter ologist.
91
00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:23,722
Hey, guys! Come on in!
Yeah, these are my poker pals.
92
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,474
This is Linda, Frank and Jimmy.
93
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:28,560
- This is my son, Frasier.
- Linda! Good to see you Frank. Jimmy.
94
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,062
- Nice to meet you.
- Throw your coats on the couch.
95
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:39,112
Kind of hard to tell, isn't it?
They all look like they did time.
96
00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:44,868
Well, my Dad tells me
he's filled you in on our little bet.
97
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,995
The ground rules for tonight are
that I'm not allowed
98
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:49,247
to ask you any questions
directly about your line of work.
99
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:52,542
But whatever questions I do ask,
you must answer truthfully.
100
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,336
All I want to do is play cards.
101
00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:57,297
- Great place you've got here, Marty.
- Thanks.
102
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,298
Actually, it's mine.
103
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:01,551
Ooh, you must do pretty well
on that radio show of yours.
104
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,470
What is this place,
about 2000 square feet?
105
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:04,346
Yeah, about.
106
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,935
Hmm. That's interesting.
You noticed the space.
107
00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:12,437
Most people usually mention the view
or the high ceilings.
108
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:15,273
But you mentioned the space.
109
00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:18,193
It's almost as if you'd spent
some time living in a cramped,
110
00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:21,571
- confining, tight area.
- So you've been to Jimmy's apartment, huh?
111
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,116
- Hello there.
- Hi, Daphne.
112
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,368
This is Daphne Moon.
113
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,829
These are my friends,
Linda, Frank, Jimmy.
114
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:33,250
Daphne, that's a very pretty name.
Do people call you "Daffy" for short?
115
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,751
Not twice.
116
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:41,883
Well, it's nice to meet all of you.
Here we go, I've got beers for everyone.
117
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,885
Still drinking the Ballantines, I see.
118
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:46,847
Yeah, when you kick off,
that company's going down the tubes.
119
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:47,848
[Daphne] Oh, yeah.
120
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,517
Many's the time I come home,
see cans of them lined up,
121
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:53,728
one after another on the coffee table.
Like little, tin soldiers they are.
122
00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:56,314
Yeah, thanks a lot, Daphne.
Don't you have a dog to wash?
123
00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:00,694
I suppose I do. Of course,
I have to catch the little bugger first.
124
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:05,615
- Maybe one of these would help.
- Hey, beer's not good for dogs.
125
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,284
No, but it's super for me.
126
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:12,873
- Hey, Marty, she's pretty nice.
- Yeah and sexy too, you dirty, old man.
127
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,416
[groans]
128
00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:15,667
Interesting.
129
00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:21,006
You find her attractive, do you?
130
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,180
Sure, don't you?
131
00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:32,392
Yes, but I mean,
attraction to one's own sex
132
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,311
is a not uncommon result of long,
133
00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:37,522
enforced periods of time
spent exclusively in their company.
134
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,944
- Frasier, I may have underestimated you.
- Really?
135
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,322
Yeah, you're making a bigger jackass
of yourself than I thought.
136
00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,325
High card deals.
137
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,786
You know, we could really use some music.
Anybody play the harmonica?
138
00:06:56,625 --> 00:07:02,005
My deal. Dollar ante to start.
Five-card draw. Jacks or better to open.
139
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:03,465
And a three-raise maximum.
140
00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,759
- Sure you don't want to play, Fras?
- Oh, no, no, no.
141
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,053
I'll just take this time
to observe the triumvirate.
142
00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:10,847
I'll use my considerable education,
my years of study,
143
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:13,808
and not to mention,
well, all right, let's say it,
144
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:16,519
my God-given gift to intuit.
145
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,316
This is the kid that used to get
his head flushed in the toilet, right?
146
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:31,242
All right. I call. What do you got?
147
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,453
Full boat, aces up.
148
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,915
Damn it! That's another one.
I'm losing my shirt here.
149
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,168
Would somebody mind
giving me a hand with the coffee?
150
00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:42,295
- Yeah. I'll give you a hand.
- Come along, then.
151
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,382
I really like your accent.
Where are you from?
152
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:46,716
- Manchester.
- Manchester?
153
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,094
- That's where The Beatles are from, right?
- Oh, no, no.
154
00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:51,596
- You're thinking Liverpool.
- Then who's from Manchester?
155
00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:53,682
No one. That's why I live here now.
156
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:59,688
- You've been awfully quiet there.
- I'm sorry, Dad. Just been observing.
157
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:01,898
No, no, don't apologize.
It was a compliment.
158
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:07,195
You know,
Frank's an interesting study, isn't he?
159
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,280
Temper, loner, a bit unsocial.
160
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:14,828
Almost a stereotypical portrait of a man
who's spent his entire life behind bars.
161
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,538
This dish a Lalique or a Steuben?
162
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,626
They had no spots open
in the prison laundry.
163
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,586
He worked in fine china and glassware.
164
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:32,595
Here you go, big winner.
Buy yourself something pretty and frilly.
165
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:38,435
Sorry, Frank, I can't hear you.
I've got your money stuck in my ears.
166
00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:42,439
Well, I guess there's only one thing left.
167
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:44,983
How about it, Fras? You figure it out yet?
168
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:47,277
Actually, I believe I have.
169
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,529
Shall we step into the drawing room?
170
00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:52,240
Please have a seat.
171
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:56,077
Okay, Sherlock. You've got center stage.
172
00:08:56,077 --> 00:09:00,915
Well, I have sketched an accurate
psychological profile of each one of you.
173
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:05,003
And in so doing, I have come
to the incontrovertible conclusion
174
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:10,300
that the criminal among us
can only be Frank!
175
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,969
Wrong.
Frank's a highly decorated undercover cop.
176
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,137
Exactly!
177
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:19,684
Just a little too obvious, you know,
178
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:23,354
the broken vocabulary,
the jailhouse pallor,
179
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,565
- the under-developed social skills.
- Hey.
180
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,610
So you tried to use psychology
against me, did you?
181
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,153
Threw a gender-bender at me,
182
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:33,364
thinking that I would just assume
that a felon would naturally be a man.
183
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:35,867
Well, I'm on to your little game, mister.
184
00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:39,079
The criminal among us is, indeed,
the very wily Linda!
185
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,538
- Nope.
- Jimmy!
186
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,250
You're right!
187
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:47,879
You seem like such a nice guy.
188
00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:49,297
I am a nice guy.
189
00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:51,466
Yeah, he was voted
most congenial in his cell block.
190
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,678
Sorry, doc. I'm afraid
you owe your old man 5 bucks.
191
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:57,680
- I'm afraid I do.
- Oh.
192
00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:00,517
You'll probably use this.
193
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,146
Well, it's been a lot of laughs,
but it's getting late.
194
00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:07,023
- We'd better get going.
- Yeah, you're right.
195
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:09,025
- Thanks a lot, Marty.
- Oh, yeah, great.
196
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,528
Very pleasant,
you all come again any time you like,
197
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,113
hopefully when we're here, of course.
198
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:17,992
- Good night, Marty.
- See ya.
199
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:19,661
- Next week, Marty.
- Yeah.
200
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:25,083
Jimmy. Boy. Who would have thought?
201
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,545
- How do you even know that guy, Dad?
- Oh, he was a jailhouse snitch.
202
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,213
He helped us out a couple of times.
203
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:31,714
He's great company,
204
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:34,509
but I wouldn't trust him for a second
if he wasn't surrounded by cops.
205
00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:36,636
- Who was a jailhouse snitch?
- Jimmy.
206
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:38,638
Jimmy's an ex-con?
207
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:43,143
Well, you certainly proved your point.
I feel stupid as hell.
208
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,686
I feel rather a fool myself.
209
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,396
Why do you care one way or another?
210
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:50,233
Because I've agreed to go out
with Jimmy tomorrow night.
211
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:51,651
You did what?
212
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,945
He asked if I'd like to go out
for drinks with him
213
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:56,990
to a place called "The Topaz Room,"
meet some of his friends.
214
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,575
It sounded harmless enough.
215
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:01,494
Why, it's out of the question.
You have to call him and cancel.
216
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:04,247
But you said yourself
he was fun to spend time with.
217
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,957
I said, do time with.
218
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:11,171
No, no, you just can't go.
That's all there is to it. Case closed.
219
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,672
Excuse me, Dad, if I can interrupt that
220
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,465
self-righteous police mentality
for a second,
221
00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:17,635
- don't you believe in second chances?
- I did, then we had Niles.
222
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,683
Well, I believe that when a man
has paid his debt to society,
223
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:24,893
he deserves a fresh start.
224
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,686
I see no harm
in her going out with him once.
225
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,689
- I do! She's not going! I say she isn't!
- I say she is. She is.
226
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,149
- She is not!
- Oh, this is--
227
00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:32,775
- She is not!
- Excuse me, gentlemen,
228
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:36,029
but might I interject one tiny,
little thought into this conversation?
229
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,280
Of course, Daphne.
230
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,865
Belt up! Both of you!
231
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:42,994
It may have escaped your notice,
but I happen to be a grown woman.
232
00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:45,121
And nobody has told me whom I might
233
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,248
or might not date
since I was a schoolgirl,
234
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:48,541
and I didn't listen then.
235
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,168
When I've quite made up my mind
236
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:53,004
what I plan to do about Jimmy,
I'll let you know.
237
00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:54,964
But right now I'm going to my room.
238
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:57,217
You two hens have wasted
enough of my time.
239
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:06,601
That would have been a very dramatic exit
if only her room was down that hall.
240
00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:17,528
[door closes]
241
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:19,614
I don't think
she should be going out with that guy.
242
00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:21,366
- Don't worry, she won't.
- How do you know?
243
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:23,201
Because she has too much respect
for your opinion.
244
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,870
She won't go against your wishes,
if I'm any judge of character.
245
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,413
Oh, dear God.
246
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:33,878
What can I get you?
247
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:37,215
I'll have a decaf latte,
and please be sure to use skim milk.
248
00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:40,593
- I'll have the same.
- Got it. Two gutless wonders!
249
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:45,890
Thank you.
250
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:48,935
Certainly playing fast and loose
with his tips for a man who drives a van.
251
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:54,190
Oh, oh, oh!
252
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:57,902
How was your encounter
with Dad's poker buddies last night?
253
00:12:57,902 --> 00:13:00,613
I must tell you, the picture of you
trying to make conversation
254
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,491
with Dad's blue-collar cronies
all evening is priceless.
255
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:06,953
When I told Maris about it, it was all she
could do to keep her eyes from dancing.
256
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,581
It was really rather interesting.
257
00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:13,459
You know one of them actually
did time in prison for fraud?
258
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:15,503
Good Lord. What was he like?
259
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:18,464
He was quite personable.
You know Dad, he's so judgmental.
260
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,383
He is and I've often condemned him for it.
261
00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,972
For some reason,
just because the man was in prison,
262
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,765
everyone seems
to have marked him for life.
263
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:29,017
- It's ridiculous.
- Yeah.
264
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,476
Not all criminals are recidivists.
265
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:33,396
I've seen many cases where after
they've paid their debt to society,
266
00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,648
they've gone on to lead productive lives.
267
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,983
Dad's just being narrow-minded.
268
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:39,152
Yes, I almost had to sedate him
when Daphne announced
269
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,570
she was gonna go out with him.
270
00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:50,913
Frasier, I hope
you're just yanking my giggle chain.
271
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:54,459
What do you mean?
272
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,503
You're telling me that you're letting
this delicate English rose
273
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:58,838
be sullied by some sociopath?
274
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,800
Niles, he passed bad checks.
He's not a sociopath.
275
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,594
He's a degenerate
who should be put away!
276
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,220
- You haven't even met him.
- For God's sake!
277
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:09,265
- They're all depraved animals!
- Here's your coffee. Anything else?
278
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,184
Yes, the check please and quickly.
279
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:14,437
- Frasier, we've got to rescue her.
- Niles, just sit down, relax.
280
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:16,981
- You're being irrational.
- Don't you dare call me irrational!
281
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,524
You know that makes me crazy.
282
00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:25,990
Now, Niles, Niles, listen.
I think Jimmy's a perfectly nice guy.
283
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,909
Daphne can take care of herself.
284
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:30,661
I don't care. I'm going after her.
I'm not without resources.
285
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:32,205
My Tai Kwon Do instructor tells me
286
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,582
I'm just two moves away
from becoming quite threatening.
287
00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:41,631
Niles, just listen to me for a second.
288
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:43,841
You know perfectly well
she'll resent any interference.
289
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:45,635
Want to make a fool of yourself,
go right ahead.
290
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:48,221
- But don't ask me to join you.
- Fine. Just tell me where they went.
291
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:51,057
Some place called The Topaz Room.
292
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,475
The Topaz Room?
293
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:54,811
I thought the cops shut that place down
after the last shooting.
294
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:55,686
I'll drive.
295
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:12,620
Your shot, girlie.
296
00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:19,502
But before you take that shot,
297
00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:21,421
why don't we make this
a little more interesting?
298
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:25,466
All you have to do to win
is run those last five balls.
299
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,427
So, what do you say we double our bet?
300
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,846
Oh, well, I might as well.
301
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:32,014
I never really have understood this game.
302
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,976
Yeah, I never understood it
303
00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:39,063
when I started playing
with my older brothers at the age of 6.
304
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:43,609
And I never understood it
during all my formative years
305
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:46,654
spent mostly in the pool rooms
of Manchester,
306
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:51,742
playing in local competitions
and club tournaments...
307
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,748
winning cup after cup after cup.
308
00:15:57,748 --> 00:16:02,336
Until our poor dad had to convert
the pantry into a trophy room.
309
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:07,633
And I can't really claim
to understand it--
310
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,177
Eight ball in far corner.
311
00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:11,554
- -Even today.
312
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,726
But I certainly do enjoy it.
313
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:20,813
Thank you, gentlemen.
314
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:22,982
And now if you'll excuse me,
315
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,443
I'm going to attempt
to use the ladies' room
316
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:26,903
without touching anything.
317
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:42,251
Gee, look at this place.
I never felt so conspicuous in my life.
318
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:43,836
We must simply try to blend in.
319
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:45,379
Fortunately...
320
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,967
Fortunately,
I haven't shaved in several hours.
321
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:52,845
You should loosen your tie.
322
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,264
Yes, and you might try
tucking in your watch fob.
323
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:57,892
That happens to be a Phi Beta Kappa key.
324
00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:00,895
Oh, then by all means, let it dangle.
Perhaps they have a local chapter.
325
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:08,194
Actually, this is quite stimulating
in a "Lower Depths" sort of way.
326
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,947
And I've always been something
of a squalor buff.
327
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:14,492
The only problem is I don't see--
I don't see Daphne or Jimmy.
328
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:20,414
Excuse me.
329
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:28,506
Has a young woman been
in here this evening,
330
00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:30,550
approximately 5'9" and three-quarters,
331
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,177
with skin the color of Devonshire cream
and the sort of eyes
332
00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:36,681
that gaze directly into one's soul
with neither artifice nor evasion?
333
00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:43,980
Well, this would be
an Englishwoman named Daphne.
334
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,731
- Yeah. The one that came in with Jimmy.
- Right.
335
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:47,984
She was over there
shooting pool a minute ago.
336
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:50,111
- I think she stepped in the back.
- What happened to Jimmy?
337
00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:52,321
[chuckles] He tried to get fresh with her.
338
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,448
She threw a hammerlock on him
and ran him out of here.
339
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,826
That dame can take care of herself.
340
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,828
- I told you so.
- It's good riddance too.
341
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:02,456
Guy was no good.
I knew it the first time I saw him.
342
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,000
You can always tell.
343
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,001
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
344
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:08,087
Come on, Niles.
345
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,922
You've had your walk on the wild side.
346
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,842
- But what about Daphne?
- You heard what she did to Jimmy.
347
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:14,760
Think how mad she'll be
if she finds us here.
348
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,305
You're right. Let's make ourselves scarce.
349
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:18,389
Good Lord! There she is!
350
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:21,058
- Oh! Oh, God! I'm sorry.
- Hey!
351
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:22,852
- What the hell are you doing?
- I'm sorry.
352
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:25,813
- I was just trying to-- I'm sorry.
- You made me miss that shot!
353
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,648
I had 200 bucks riding on that shot.
354
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:29,358
Really sorry!
355
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,321
- Where do you think you're going?
- I'll be back.
356
00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:35,323
I was just going to put
another quarter in the meter.
357
00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:38,367
The meters don't run at night.
And neither do you.
358
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:39,869
Oh!
359
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:42,913
That was a rather amusing play on words.
You're a regular George S. Kaufman.
360
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,665
We must tell our friends about this place.
361
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:46,751
You owe me $200.
362
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:48,377
Oh, well, I'd gladly pay you,
363
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,546
but I don't have
that kind of cash on me.
364
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:53,132
Even if he did, it would be absurd
to bring it into a place like this
365
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,009
with the kind of element
that you run into...
366
00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:57,637
Maybe I could write you a check?
367
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,680
My element don't take checks.
368
00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:04,018
I think maybe we should take
these guys outside and wise them up.
369
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:07,104
- I don't really think that's necessary.
- Oh, my goodness!
370
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:08,981
What are you two doing here?
371
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:11,525
We might ask you the same thing.
372
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,778
This happens
to be one of our favorite haunts.
373
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:17,865
Actually, Maris and I had
our rehearsal dinner here.
374
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:22,620
The place was different then.
It was more of a garden room.
375
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,955
- The trellis was over there...
- Shut up, Niles.
376
00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,416
You followed me, didn't you?
377
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,960
Oh, Daphne, we were worried about you.
378
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,756
Excuse me, lady, but it seems
like your friends can't seem to come up
379
00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:36,550
with the 200 they owe me,
so I'm gonna have to, uh,
380
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:39,512
pardon my French,
beat the crap out of them.
381
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:42,264
I'm a psychiatrist.
Maybe we could take this out in sessions.
382
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,433
- You know? It seems you have some...
- Outside!
383
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:47,186
Wait! I have money.
384
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:50,022
How'd you like to go
for double or nothing, sport?
385
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:51,440
On what?
386
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,110
Well, you look like a betting man.
387
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:59,490
I'll wager I can sink these five balls
with a single shot.
388
00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:04,662
If I do, these boys are square.
If I miss, you double your money.
389
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:07,790
Hey, I don't mind taking your money,
390
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:10,126
but I was kind of looking forward
to pulping this guy.
391
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:13,879
Yeah, well, we won't quibble.
If I miss, you can pulp him.
392
00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:16,006
Tell you what.
393
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:19,385
I'm feeling generous tonight.
I'll throw in the little one as well.
394
00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:21,595
What'd she mean by that,
"throw in the little one"?
395
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:23,055
And what in God's name is pulping?
396
00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:26,392
You're on.
397
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:29,895
Okay, but just to make sure
398
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:33,232
this is on the up and up,
let's use six balls.
399
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:38,612
Instead of sinking all five with one shot,
how about sinking all six?
400
00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:43,284
Do that and I'll, uh,
forget the 200 bucks.
401
00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:45,911
Fair enough.
402
00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:55,171
Need a bit of chalk for my cue.
403
00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:06,223
Does it matter in what order I make them?
404
00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:07,224
Daphne!
405
00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:11,562
Hey, lady, if you make any of them,
it'll be a miracle.
406
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:13,689
Right.
407
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:18,110
Well, here goes nothing.
408
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:22,698
[suspenseful music playing]
409
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:53,771
Run for it!
410
00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:08,369
[theme music playing]
411
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:14,291
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin'
Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
412
00:22:14,291 --> 00:22:16,210
♪ Quite stylish ♪
413
00:22:16,210 --> 00:22:18,921
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
414
00:22:18,921 --> 00:22:21,257
♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
415
00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:23,425
♪ Ha ha, ha♪ha ♪
416
00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:25,094
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
417
00:22:25,094 --> 00:22:28,264
♪ With those tossed salads
And scrambled eggs ♪
418
00:22:30,307 --> 00:22:31,642
♪ They're calling again ♪
419
00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:35,896
♪ Scrambled eggs all over my face ♪
420
00:22:35,896 --> 00:22:37,314
♪ What is a boy to do? ♪
421
00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:41,277
♪ Good night, everybody! ♪