1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,421
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,052
[gong clangs]
3
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:12,846
Four for 17 on Sunday
and he calls himself a quarterback?
4
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,098
I've passed kidney stones
with more accuracy.
5
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,058
Hi-yo!
6
00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:19,186
Roz, Roz, listen, would you go in there
and get my briefcase for me?
7
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:21,063
I was on my way out,
but I left it in the studio.
8
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:22,272
Why don't you go get it?
9
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:25,275
Well, because every time I go in there,
he puts me on the air and humiliates me.
10
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,194
Well, what do you think he does to me?
11
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,820
Last week when I went in
to get my car keys,
12
00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:31,949
he introduced me
as Martina Navratilova's girlfriend.
13
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,746
Well, Chuck,
I'm really sorry I offended you.
14
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:40,332
Now why don't you put your skirt back on
and do some dishes?
15
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,544
The lines are open.
16
00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:50,509
And how about some real men calling in
instead of crybabies like Chuck?
17
00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:51,552
Ah!
18
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:54,555
Ah, look who just crawled
into the doghouse.
19
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,515
It's Dr. Frasier Crane.
20
00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:59,768
And you know what we always do
when we get a house call from the doctor.
21
00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:02,729
[man's voice] Drop your pants and
bend over. I take-a your temperature!
22
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,900
Hello, Bulldog.
23
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:10,237
So, Doc, who's your pick for the
Giants/Saints game this weekend?
24
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,531
- The Giants.
- You're kidding.
25
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,701
- The Saints.
- You're kidding.
26
00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:17,786
Well, somebody has to win.
27
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:20,330
Yeah, they would if the Giants
and Saints were playing this weekend.
28
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:22,457
[donkey brays over speaker]
29
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,918
Yes, that was very funny indeed.
30
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,587
I wish you'd played it on my show.
31
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,463
It deserves to be heard
by a much larger audience.
32
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:30,299
Hee-haw! Hee-haw!
33
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,014
[doorbell rings]
34
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,059
Hello, Dr. Crane.
35
00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:41,893
Hello, Daphne.
36
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:43,770
I brought this for dinner.
37
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,022
- Hey, Niles.
- Dad.
38
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:45,939
Kind of early.
39
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,358
Well, I just put Maris
on the train to Chicago,
40
00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:51,278
and you know how desolate I am
without my Maris.
41
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,279
Champagne?
42
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:55,616
It goes with all occasions.
43
00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:57,993
Can I be of any assistance in the kitchen?
44
00:01:57,993 --> 00:01:59,828
Oh, no, I have everything well in hand.
45
00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,955
Ah, well, lucky everything.
46
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,379
Mm-mm-mm.
47
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,009
Mm-mm-mm.
48
00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,386
All right, what would you do?
49
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,680
Well, for starters,
I'd take the corn nut off the board.
50
00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:21,808
That corn nut's my bishop.
Eddie ate the real one.
51
00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:25,062
In that case, corn nut to rook seven.
52
00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:29,816
- Hello, all.
- Evening, Dr. Crane.
53
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,069
Guess what your brother brought?
Champagne.
54
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,695
Oh, Maris left for Chicago already?
55
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:40,118
She is riding the rails as we speak.
56
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:43,664
If I may ask, why does she
take the train instead of flying?
57
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,708
She's been afraid to fly
since her harrowing incident.
58
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,877
Oh, dear, did her plane almost crash?
59
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,587
No, no, she was bumped from first class.
60
00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:54,299
She still wakes up screaming.
61
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,302
[Martin] Hey, Frasier,
I'm glad you're here.
62
00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,179
- I have a favor to ask.
- [Frasier] What is it, Dad?
63
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,597
Well, my old buddy from the force,
64
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:03,809
Joe Linsky's running the benefit for
the Widows and Orphans' Fund this year,
65
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:06,645
and he's doing one of
those bachelor auctions.
66
00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:08,563
And he's out looking
for local celebrities,
67
00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:11,024
and I thought if we could get somebody
famous from the radio--
68
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,984
Oh, Dad, say no more.
I'd be delighted to help.
69
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:15,320
Great. So you'll ask Bulldog tomorrow?
70
00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:19,616
Bulldog.
71
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:22,786
[stammering] Oh, well,
yeah, well, I mean...
72
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:23,704
I...
73
00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:27,499
Don't get me wrong,
I was gonna ask you too.
74
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:28,500
Mm-hm.
75
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:32,087
Yeah, yeah, I was. I was.
I was just saving the best for last.
76
00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,463
Oh, Frasier, give him a break.
77
00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,799
If he backpedals any faster,
he'll trip over his walker.
78
00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,220
All right, I'll do it.
79
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,764
Oh, great. I really appreciate it.
80
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,308
Now, you won't forget
to ask Bulldog, will you?
81
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,768
I'll leave a note on his hydrant.
82
00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:50,564
A bachelor auction.
83
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,191
I've always thought it would be fun
to pick a man off the block
84
00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:56,236
to do my bidding
and fulfill my every desire.
85
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:59,322
- Dr. Crane?
- I'd love to. I mean, I...
86
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:01,742
[Niles stammering]
87
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:02,951
Frasier?
88
00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:06,288
I was just thinking. What if no one bids?
89
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:10,625
What if you're left standing there with
flop sweat trickling down your back...
90
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:13,795
amidst a great gaping silence?
91
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,839
It'll never happen, Niles.
92
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:16,840
Thank you, Dad.
93
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,550
Yeah, we got a band.
94
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,430
[women shouting and cheering]
95
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:26,767
[man over P.A.] Our next bachelor on
the block is public television's own cute
96
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,560
and cuddly Mr. Science.
97
00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,813
[band playing and women cheering]
98
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:35,734
My God, the estrogen level
is off the charts out there.
99
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:38,945
Yeah, isn't it great?
100
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,406
I mean, deep down,
chicks are just like guys.
101
00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,908
We all want the same thing.
102
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:45,744
Well, I've got news for them.
Frasier Crane does not put out.
103
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:48,705
All they're getting for their little
donation is a well-prepared gourmet meal
104
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,040
and a handshake at the door.
105
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:50,999
Boring!
106
00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:56,379
My date gets a stretch limo, moon roof,
dinner, floor seats at the Sonics game,
107
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,465
and these incredible buns of steel.
108
00:04:58,465 --> 00:04:59,299
Feel them, Doc.
109
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,218
Come on, feel them.
110
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:02,052
Thank you, no.
111
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:07,724
[man over P.A.] Ladies, please,
keep articles of clothing off the stage!
112
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:13,438
Man, you show these women a little
celebrity beefcake and they go Nutso!
113
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,107
I don't mind telling you,
I'm a little bit nervous.
114
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:18,109
This is a textbook case of mob mentality.
115
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:19,694
I hope the fire exits
are clearly marked.
116
00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:23,031
- Oh, relax, relax, will you?
- That's easy for you to say.
117
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,991
You're not the one jumping
into the Rottweiler pit
118
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,701
with a pork chop around your neck.
119
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:32,082
Hey, Frasier, that's T.J. Smith.
He's a linebacker for the Seahawks.
120
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,625
They call him The Enforcer.
121
00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:36,086
He's put two quarterbacks
in the hospital already this season.
122
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:38,004
Hey, T.J., Marty Crane.
123
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,298
- Nice to meet you.
- Number 19.
124
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,634
- Please don't make me go out there.
- Oh.
125
00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:45,220
You'll be fine. Don't worry.
126
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,347
Just go on out there and have a good time.
127
00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:49,224
[women cheering]
128
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,895
They're gonna have him for breakfast.
129
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,775
[door opens]
130
00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:03,280
- Hey, T.J., how was it, man?
- It was horrible.
131
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,657
They're like sharks in a feeding frenzy.
132
00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:08,076
The one who bought me
had this crazed look in her eye.
133
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,369
Where do I pay?
134
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:11,454
Roz!
135
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,957
I saw what I wanted and I went after it.
136
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:15,876
Stay!
137
00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:19,337
Number 20.
138
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:21,381
That's me.
139
00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:25,677
You know, son, I haven't had a chance
to tell you how much I appreciate this.
140
00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:29,055
You know, having somebody like you
in the auction, it really adds class.
141
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,015
My pleasure, Dad.
142
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:32,601
Now, if the bidding gets slow,
143
00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,769
drop a quarter and take a couple
of minutes to pick it up.
144
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:40,734
[gavel bangs]
145
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:45,280
Sold! To that very determined lady
in the back row for $500.
146
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,409
So, Doc, Doc, who bought you?
147
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,369
I have no idea.
148
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:54,247
The last thing I remember
is someone shouting out,
149
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,791
"Shake your moneymaker!"
150
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,629
Number 21.
151
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,297
Ladies, start your engines.
152
00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:04,841
[women cheering]
153
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:09,846
Dr. Crane?
154
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:11,181
Kristina Harper.
155
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:12,933
I just bought you.
156
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:20,398
You? You-- You bought me?
157
00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:23,610
I listen to your show all the time.
I'm a big fan of yours.
158
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,444
Well, how...
159
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,488
wonderful.
160
00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:32,285
Uh... You bought me for-- For $500.
161
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,120
- That's a lot of money.
- Oh, that's all right.
162
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,914
I just did a big layout for Seattle Style.
163
00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:36,957
Oh, you're a photographer?
164
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:39,000
- No, I'm a model.
- A model!
165
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:42,420
How wonderful. Uh, for you.
166
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,839
So, um, how about Friday?
167
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:48,051
Friday's fine. I live at the
Elliott Bay Towers on the Counterbalance.
168
00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,094
Around 7?
169
00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:50,470
Sounds great.
170
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,055
- See you then. Bye.
- Bye.
171
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,770
That's my new owner.
172
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:05,360
She's a model.
173
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,863
No kidding. She almost put my eye out.
174
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,075
So you're back awfully quick.
175
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:14,703
Hey, hey, I was one of
the last guys out there.
176
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,329
The money was running low.
177
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:20,625
But there was still one rawhide chew toy
out there for the Bulldog.
178
00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:27,841
I gotta take a squirt.
When I come back, we'll play fetch.
179
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,177
Oh, my God. Daphne, why?
180
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:34,514
Things were slowing down
so your father asked me to shill.
181
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,932
I opened at 100.
182
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:38,226
Who knew that would be the only bid?
183
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:48,486
[doorbell rings]
184
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:51,156
[imitates flame]
185
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,679
Kristina, Buona notte!
186
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,014
Hi, Frasier.
187
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:18,683
Sorry I'm late, but I got
a last-minute call for a job.
188
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:21,186
Oh, that's all right.
You're here now, and you look enchanting.
189
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,521
No, you don't understand.
The job's tonight.
190
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:25,273
But, uh, we could have dinner later.
191
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:27,567
Oh, well, I suppose that's all right.
192
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,819
I hope you didn't go to too much trouble.
193
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,404
Oh, no, no, no.
194
00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:35,200
You rented a restaurant trolley.
195
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,786
No, no, I own it.
Don't tell me you don't have one.
196
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:41,539
There's just one more thing.
197
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:44,042
My friend Sandy
got called in on the same job,
198
00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:46,419
and she was supposed to
look after my daughter.
199
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,093
Don't tell me you want me to babysit?
200
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,512
Look, I wouldn't do this,
but I'm really in a jam.
201
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:58,431
Look, Sandy will take her
as soon as I get back, and, um,
202
00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,724
that'll leave just the two of us.
203
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,268
Look, Kristina,
I'm not really sure if I can...
204
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,897
I'll make a lot of points
with this, won't I?
205
00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:07,065
A ton.
206
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,027
Bring the darling in.
207
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:16,574
Dr. Crane, this is my daughter Renata.
208
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:17,826
Hello.
209
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,161
She's, uh, shy at first.
210
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:21,287
[elevator bell dings]
211
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,331
Oh, there's the elevator. See you later.
212
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,753
Well...
213
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:31,047
Come on in. Have a seat.
214
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,844
Can I get you a... A soft drink?
215
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,597
Goose liver paté?
216
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,810
Renata, that's a pretty name.
217
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,146
Uh, I suppose it has
some sort of poetic significance--
218
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,730
Can I use your phone?
219
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:51,067
Now, Renata, we're going to
be spending the evening together.
220
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,861
Let's try to make
the best of it, shall we?
221
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:54,195
I may surprise you, you know.
222
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,489
I probably am more
"with it" than you think I am.
223
00:10:58,533 --> 00:10:59,993
The phone's right there.
224
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,540
[Renata] No way.
225
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,585
No way.
226
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,546
That is so fresh.
227
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,174
No way.
228
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,468
No way.
229
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:20,722
No.
230
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,141
Way.
231
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:27,687
Hold on, there's another call.
232
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,355
Hello?
233
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:31,441
He'll call you back.
234
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:35,904
No way.
235
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:38,156
- Now, who was that?
- I don't know.
236
00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:39,824
No way.
237
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:41,534
Oh, God, another call's coming in.
238
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,703
Do you mind?
I'll take this one. Thank you.
239
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:44,954
Hello?
240
00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:46,789
It's for you.
241
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,084
Hello?
242
00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:51,419
Hey, Tiffany.
243
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,963
Tiffany? I thought you
just spoke to Tiffany.
244
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:57,592
That was Tiffany Schwartz.
This is Tiffany Martinez.
245
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:02,222
I celebrate the ethnic mosaic
that is America, but nonetheless...
246
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,183
What's your damage?
247
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:07,060
I'll tell you what my damage is,
young lady.
248
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,853
You've been on the phone
for an hour and a half.
249
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,897
You haven't said a word
except to ask for more Cheetos.
250
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,024
- [barks]
- They're coming, Eddie!
251
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,405
Excuse me.
252
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,532
Like I'm supposed to be happy I'm here?
253
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:24,369
Her fabulousness dumps me here
with a total stranger
254
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:25,870
who could be a total perv.
255
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,624
Well, I'm not exactly thrilled about it
either, but your mother was in a bind.
256
00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,584
For the record, I am not a perv.
257
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:35,588
You don't get it.
She's always doing stuff like this.
258
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:36,631
She's a flake.
259
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:40,009
Nonetheless, flake or not,
you are in my charge,
260
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:42,762
and it's time you had something
that was a bit more nutritious.
261
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,390
Now, how about, uh, seafood crepes?
262
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,225
Lobster Newburg?
263
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:49,727
Corn dog dipped in Curare?
264
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,607
You got any raw cookie dough?
265
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,610
Even more lethal.
Yes, just come on into the kitchen.
266
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,861
We'll see what we've got.
267
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,363
You know, you wouldn't have gotten
268
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:03,241
anywhere with her
with this gourmet meal routine.
269
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:05,243
She eats, like, nothing.
270
00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:07,203
She's a total diet freak.
271
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,414
That's all she talks about
besides herself.
272
00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:12,083
- You don't care for your mother, do you?
- Well, duh.
273
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,419
You know, I have a son.
274
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:16,337
I'd hate to think that
by the time he's your age,
275
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:17,964
he thinks of me as some sort of a...
276
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,340
Dweeb?
277
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,675
Thank you.
278
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,593
Brace yourself.
279
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,598
Oh, well, look what we have here.
280
00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:29,392
Will one tube suffice?
281
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,226
Cool.
282
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:33,521
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
283
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,277
Well, now, Renata, you know...
284
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,114
I am a psychiatrist, and, uh...
285
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:47,577
if you're having problems
with your mother, I'd be glad to listen.
286
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:52,123
You mean you want me to tell you all my
problems like those gomers on your show?
287
00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:54,709
Like you care.
288
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:56,085
I do care about the gomers.
289
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,673
I even care about you.
290
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:01,966
Don't make me hurl.
291
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:14,062
She keeps telling people
I'm younger than I am.
292
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:16,939
Why do you think she does that?
293
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,067
So they won't know how old she is.
294
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,402
I've been nine for the past three years.
295
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,530
- Really?
- That's nothing.
296
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:27,992
Once she promised to take me
ice skating for my birthday.
297
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,161
On the way there she saw a tattoo parlor.
298
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:31,871
So she just left me out on the sidewalk
299
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,916
so she could get a stupid butterfly
tattooed on her shoulder.
300
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:37,377
It's like she forgot I was even out there.
301
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,212
My God, how old were you?
302
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,172
That was the first time I was nine.
303
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,886
What does your father say about all this?
304
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,054
Tony?
305
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,348
He's on the road with Whitesnake
all the time.
306
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:53,309
Whitesnake?
Is that a musical group or a pet?
307
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,602
It's his new wife.
308
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,650
[Daphne] I must confess,
309
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:03,903
I was a little apprehensive
about going out with you tonight.
310
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,988
But I'm actually having a jolly time.
311
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:09,242
Unless, of course,
it's the champagne getting to me.
312
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,952
I have had quite a bit, haven't I?
313
00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:12,161
[Daphne chuckles]
314
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:13,496
Oh, who cares?
315
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:15,665
That's the beauty of being in a limo.
316
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:17,750
Unless, of course, the driver's drinking.
317
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,002
You're not drinking, are you?
318
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:22,213
He's not drinking.
319
00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:23,548
[both laughing, horn honks]
320
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:25,258
Oh! [laughs]
321
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,802
Let's drink to the driver not drinking.
322
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,930
Man, you're really looped. This is great.
323
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,432
[car horns honking]
324
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,518
Well, that's annoying, isn't it?
325
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:38,688
It certainly is taking a long time
getting out of this parking lot.
326
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:41,899
Did I mention this was
my first basketball game?
327
00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:44,235
Yes, of course I did. Three of four times.
328
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:46,446
I still can't get over those players.
329
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:49,073
They are positively gigantic!
330
00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:51,534
Not that being tall
is the only measure of a man.
331
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,953
But it's a bloody good one!
332
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,835
Oh, dear, I just insulted you, didn't I?
333
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:01,919
Sorry.
334
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:04,964
Oh, well, you can take it.
You're a tough little nut!
335
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:09,927
Oh, dear, this is not good.
336
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,095
Not good at all.
337
00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,555
What? You don't like the champagne?
338
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:14,932
No, I can see the bottom of me glass.
339
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:16,434
[both laughing]
340
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:17,602
Well, bottoms up!
341
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,354
Oh, you are a naughty boy!
342
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,440
Now, don't go getting any ideas!
343
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,442
Oh, look who I'm saying this to.
344
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,402
You don't have an idea in your head!
345
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:33,409
I did it again! I insulted you!
346
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,161
Let's drink to that! Boom!
347
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,498
[car horns honking]
348
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:42,460
Now, that is downright rude!
349
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:46,380
Hey, you there! You with the Fire bird!
350
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:48,758
Yes, you! Stop that honking!
351
00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:54,972
Oh, now, now, just because you look stupid
doesn't mean you have to act stupid.
352
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:58,392
Hey, hey, don't aggravate him.
We're kind of pinned in here.
353
00:16:58,392 --> 00:17:01,062
Oh, tosh! Civilization's
not going to progress
354
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:04,732
one iota unless someone points out
when people's manners are remiss.
355
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,192
[male driver] Move it!
356
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,486
Ah, shut your bloody cakehole!
357
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:11,239
Hey, hey, don't do that!
358
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:14,534
- Great, he's getting out of his car now.
- Ooh, he's a tall one too.
359
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,327
Quick, roll up your window.
Lock the door.
360
00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:18,204
Don't be stupid.
He's not gonna hurt a woman.
361
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:20,331
Just roll it up! Roll it up!
362
00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:22,500
Oh, you let him go!
363
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,835
Get your bloody paws off him!
364
00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:27,421
Let him go, you big ugly oaf!
365
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:28,381
Shut up!
366
00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:36,472
Oh, well, we're moving.
367
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,017
Thank you, Pit Bull.
368
00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:41,686
I had a lovely time.
369
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:55,741
You know...
370
00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:58,119
this cookie dough is not that bad.
371
00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:02,123
Of course, I'm sure later I'll be hurling.
372
00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:05,376
[doorbell rings]
373
00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:08,754
Ah, that must be Her fabulousness.
Wanna take the rest home with you?
374
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,006
I better not.
375
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,550
If I gain an ounce, she goes ballistic.
376
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,635
She makes me weigh in every morning.
377
00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:16,929
You poor thing.
378
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,389
I'm used to it.
379
00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:19,515
[Frasier sighs]
380
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,393
Hi, I'm back.
381
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,395
Renata, honey.
382
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,398
Sandy's waiting downstairs in the car.
383
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:30,818
Renata?
384
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:33,070
I must say I had a rather
enjoyable evening.
385
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:35,323
You don't get out much, do you?
386
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,076
You know, I think she likes me.
387
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,162
Well, uh, thank you for helping me out.
388
00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,706
Now, uh, roll out that trolley.
389
00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:46,292
- I'm starved.
- You know, Kristina, I...
390
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,002
I don't think so.
391
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:51,422
I think you ought to go home,
spend the evening with your daughter.
392
00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:53,382
But I thought we had a date.
393
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,260
Well, you know,
when we first, uh, met I was...
394
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,847
well, attracted by your remarkable beauty.
395
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:02,558
But now that I know a bit more about you,
396
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:06,187
well, suddenly
you don't look so good, sister.
397
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:12,860
Excuse me?
398
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:15,237
A daughter is a privilege,
not an inconvenience.
399
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:17,990
You don't leave her standing on
some street corner while you're inside
400
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,450
getting tattooed.
401
00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:21,786
Or keep her in some ageless
never-never land
402
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:24,038
where everyone is nine forever and ever.
403
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:25,456
Renata told you I did that.
404
00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:27,541
Yes. She also told me
about the morning weigh-ins.
405
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:30,044
And the time you left her with
the coat-check girl at the Palladium
406
00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:31,045
so you could go dancing.
407
00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:33,255
I mean, what kind of an excuse
for a mother are you anyway?
408
00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:37,426
Well, did it ever occur to you
that she might be lying?
409
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:40,971
Because this is the first night
I've been out in over a year.
410
00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:43,057
God knows John and Marianne
never take her.
411
00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:45,309
- Who are they?
- Her father and his new wife.
412
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,186
Oh, who are Tony and Whitesnake?
413
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,688
Our two dogs.
414
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,529
Do you know what I do most nights?
415
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,823
I stay home and I help her
with her homework.
416
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:00,324
Or French lessons.
417
00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:02,243
Oh, except last Saturday when I took her
418
00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:04,662
and her 12 friends
to an ice skating party.
419
00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:07,248
I don't suppose there's any chance
that during that party,
420
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:08,749
you got your shoulder tattooed?
421
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:12,294
Do you see anything there? Hmm?
422
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:16,882
No.
423
00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:19,385
But then my eyes are tearing up.
424
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,852
But why would she lie?
425
00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:30,438
Because she's 12 and she's mad at me.
426
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,732
She wanted to stay home alone,
and I wouldn't let her.
427
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:35,025
I probably would have
been better off if I had.
428
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,444
God, some shrink you are.
429
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:39,488
No, please, don't go. I mean,
child development is not my thing.
430
00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:41,866
My specialty is, uh, adult relations.
431
00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:44,160
Well, you won't be having
any of those tonight.
432
00:20:45,035 --> 00:20:46,746
Kristina, please don't go. I...
433
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,749
Oh, and, uh, by the way,
I only have one kidney.
434
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,167
Guess who has the other.
435
00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:17,443
Is the coast clear?
436
00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:20,362
What happened to the supermodel?
437
00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:21,614
She left.
438
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:22,865
Oh.
439
00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:25,785
I was kind of afraid I might walk in
on an embarrassing moment.
440
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,870
Should have been here half an hour ago.
441
00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:33,042
Well, if your date's left,
what are you doing still up?
442
00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:34,168
Oh, I was just thinking.
443
00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,212
I was wondering if my...
444
00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:39,256
sweet little boy's gonna turn out
to be a monster when he's 12.
445
00:21:39,882 --> 00:21:41,592
What the hell brought that up?
446
00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:45,221
Oh, it's a long story.
Do you really want to hear it?
447
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,806
Well, it is getting late.
448
00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:51,435
Look, all kids are the same.
449
00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,979
They start out cute,
and then somewhere along the way,
450
00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:55,773
they get into that obnoxious,
451
00:21:55,773 --> 00:21:58,692
know-it-all stage and you think
they'll never grow out of it.
452
00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:00,110
But eventually they do?
453
00:22:00,611 --> 00:22:02,029
I'm still hoping.
454
00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:05,199
[phone rings]
455
00:22:07,243 --> 00:22:08,077
Hello?
456
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:10,621
Oh, Daphne. How was your evening?
457
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:12,540
No way!
458
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:18,504
[theme music playing]
459
00:22:18,504 --> 00:22:23,217
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin'
Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
460
00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:24,969
Oh, my.
461
00:22:25,386 --> 00:22:30,516
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused
Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
462
00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:32,601
[laughs]
463
00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:37,773
♪ But I don't know what to do with those
Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
464
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,734
♪ They're calling again ♪
465
00:22:41,318 --> 00:22:43,195
Good night, Seattle, we love you!