1 00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:12,845 Four for 17 on Sunday and he calls himself a quarterback? 2 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,097 I've passed kidney stones with more accuracy. 3 00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,057 Hi-yo! 4 00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:19,185 Roz, Roz, listen, would you go in there and get my briefcase for me? 5 00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:21,062 I was on my way out, but I left it in the studio. 6 00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:22,271 Why don't you go get it? 7 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:25,274 Well, because every time I go in there, he puts me on the air and humiliates me. 8 00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,193 Well, what do you think he does to me? 9 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,819 Last week when I went in to get my car keys, 10 00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:31,949 he introduced me as Martina Navratilova's girlfriend. 11 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,745 Well, Chuck, I'm really sorry I offended you. 12 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:40,332 Now why don't you put your skirt back on and do some dishes? 13 00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,544 The lines are open. 14 00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:50,508 And how about some real men calling in instead of crybabies like Chuck? 15 00:00:50,509 --> 00:00:51,552 Ah! 16 00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:54,554 Ah, look who just crawled into the doghouse. 17 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,514 It's Dr. Frasier Crane. 18 00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:59,767 And you know what we always do when we get a house call from the doctor. 19 00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:02,729 Drop your pants and bend over. I take-a your temperature! 20 00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,899 Hello, Bulldog. 21 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:10,237 So, Doc, who's your pick for the Giants/Saints game this weekend? 22 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,531 - The Giants. - You're kidding. 23 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,701 - The Saints. - You're kidding. 24 00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:17,785 Well, somebody has to win. 25 00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:20,329 Yeah, they would if the Giants and Saints were playing this weekend. 26 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,917 Yes, that was very funny indeed. 27 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,586 I wish you'd played it on my show. 28 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,462 It deserves to be heard by a much larger audience. 29 00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:30,299 Hee-haw! Hee-haw! 30 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,058 Hello, Dr. Crane. 31 00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:41,893 Hello, Daphne. 32 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:43,769 I brought this for dinner. 33 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,021 - Hey, Niles. - Dad. 34 00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:45,938 Kind of early. 35 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,358 Well, I just put Maris on the train to Chicago, 36 00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:51,277 and you know how desolate I am without my Maris. 37 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,279 Champagne? 38 00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:55,616 It goes with all occasions. 39 00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:57,992 Can I be of any assistance in the kitchen? 40 00:01:57,993 --> 00:01:59,827 Oh, no, I have everything well in hand. 41 00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,955 Ah, well, lucky everything. 42 00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,379 Mm-mm-mm. 43 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,009 Mm-mm-mm. 44 00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,385 All right, what would you do? 45 00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,680 Well, for starters, I'd take the corn nut off the board. 46 00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:21,808 That corn nut's my bishop. Eddie ate the real one. 47 00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:25,062 In that case, corn nut to rook seven. 48 00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:29,815 - Hello, all. - Evening, Dr. Crane. 49 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,068 Guess what your brother brought? Champagne. 50 00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,695 Oh, Maris left for Chicago already? 51 00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:40,117 She is riding the rails as we speak. 52 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:43,663 If I may ask, why does she take the train instead of flying? 53 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,707 She's been afraid to fly since her harrowing incident. 54 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,876 Oh, dear, did her plane almost crash? 55 00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,587 No, no, she was bumped from first class. 56 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:54,299 She still wakes up screaming. 57 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,301 Hey, Frasier, I'm glad you're here. 58 00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,178 - I have a favor to ask. - What is it, Dad? 59 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,596 Well, my old buddy from the force, 60 00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:03,808 Joe Linsky's running the benefit for the Widows and Orphans' Fund this year, 61 00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:06,644 and he's doing one of those bachelor auctions. 62 00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:08,562 And he's out looking for local celebrities, 63 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:11,023 and I thought if we could get somebody famous from the radio-- 64 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,983 Oh, Dad, say no more. I'd be delighted to help. 65 00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:15,320 Great. So you'll ask Bulldog tomorrow? 66 00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:19,615 Bulldog. 67 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:22,785 Oh, well, yeah, well, I mean... 68 00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:23,704 I... 69 00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:27,498 Don't get me wrong, I was gonna ask you too. 70 00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:28,499 Mm-hm. 71 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:32,086 Yeah, yeah, I was. I was. I was just saving the best for last. 72 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,462 Oh, Frasier, give him a break. 73 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,799 If he backpedals any faster, he'll trip over his walker. 74 00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,219 All right, I'll do it. 75 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,764 Oh, great. I really appreciate it. 76 00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,307 Now, you won't forget to ask Bulldog, will you? 77 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,768 I'll leave a note on his hydrant. 78 00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:50,563 A bachelor auction. 79 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,190 I've always thought it would be fun to pick a man off the block 80 00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:56,235 to do my bidding and fulfill my every desire. 81 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:59,322 - Dr. Crane? - I'd love to. I mean, I... 82 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:02,951 Frasier? 83 00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:06,287 I was just thinking. What if no one bids? 84 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:10,625 What if you're left standing there with flop sweat trickling down your back... 85 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:13,794 amidst a great gaping silence? 86 00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,838 It'll never happen, Niles. 87 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:16,839 Thank you, Dad. 88 00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,550 Yeah, we got a band. 89 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:26,766 Our next bachelor on the block is public television's own cute 90 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,560 and cuddly Mr. Science. 91 00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:35,734 My God, the estrogen level is off the charts out there. 92 00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:38,944 Yeah, isn't it great? 93 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,405 I mean, deep down, chicks are just like guys. 94 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,907 We all want the same thing. 95 00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:45,743 Well, I've got news for them. Frasier Crane does not put out. 96 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:48,704 All they're getting for their little donation is a well-prepared gourmet meal 97 00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,039 and a handshake at the door. 98 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:50,999 Boring! 99 00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:56,378 My date gets a stretch limo, moon roof, dinner, floor seats at the Sonics game, 100 00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,464 and these incredible buns of steel. 101 00:04:58,465 --> 00:04:59,299 Feel them, Doc. 102 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:01,217 Come on, feel them. 103 00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:02,052 Thank you, no. 104 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:07,724 Ladies, please, keep articles of clothing off the stage! 105 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:13,438 Man, you show these women a little celebrity beefcake and they go Nutso! 106 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,106 I don't mind telling you, I'm a little bit nervous. 107 00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:18,108 This is a textbook case of mob mentality. 108 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:19,693 I hope the fire exits are clearly marked. 109 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:23,030 - Oh, relax, relax, will you? - That's easy for you to say. 110 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,990 You're not the one jumping into the Rottweiler pit 111 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,701 with a pork chop around your neck. 112 00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:32,081 Hey, Frasier, that's T.J. Smith. He's a linebacker for the Seahawks. 113 00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,624 They call him The Enforcer. 114 00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:36,085 He's put two quarterbacks in the hospital already this season. 115 00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:38,003 Hey, T.J., Marty Crane. 116 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,297 - Nice to meet you. - Number 19. 117 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,634 - Please don't make me go out there. - Oh. 118 00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:45,219 You'll be fine. Don't worry. 119 00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,347 Just go on out there and have a good time. 120 00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,895 They're gonna have him for breakfast. 121 00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:03,280 - Hey, T.J., how was it, man? - It was horrible. 122 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,656 They're like sharks in a feeding frenzy. 123 00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:08,075 The one who bought me had this crazed look in her eye. 124 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,369 Where do I pay? 125 00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:11,453 Roz! 126 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,957 I saw what I wanted and I went after it. 127 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:15,876 Stay! 128 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:19,337 Number 20. 129 00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:21,381 That's me. 130 00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:25,676 You know, son, I haven't had a chance to tell you how much I appreciate this. 131 00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:29,054 You know, having somebody like you in the auction, it really adds class. 132 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,014 My pleasure, Dad. 133 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:32,600 Now, if the bidding gets slow, 134 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,769 drop a quarter and take a couple of minutes to pick it up. 135 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:45,280 Sold! To that very determined lady in the back row for $500. 136 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,409 So, Doc, Doc, who bought you? 137 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,368 I have no idea. 138 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:54,246 The last thing I remember is someone shouting out, 139 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,791 "Shake your moneymaker!" 140 00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,628 Number 21. 141 00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,297 Ladies, start your engines. 142 00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:09,845 Dr. Crane? 143 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:11,181 Kristina Harper. 144 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:12,933 I just bought you. 145 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:20,397 You? You-- You bought me? 146 00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:23,609 I listen to your show all the time. I'm a big fan of yours. 147 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,444 Well, how... 148 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,488 wonderful. 149 00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:32,284 Uh... You bought me for-- For $500. 150 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,119 - That's a lot of money. - Oh, that's all right. 151 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,913 I just did a big layout for Seattle Style. 152 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:36,956 Oh, you're a photographer? 153 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:39,000 - No, I'm a model. - A model! 154 00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:42,420 How wonderful. Uh, for you. 155 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,838 So, um, how about Friday? 156 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:48,050 Friday's fine. I live at the Elliott Bay Towers on the Counterbalance. 157 00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,093 Around 7? 158 00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:50,469 Sounds great. 159 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,055 - See you then. Bye. - Bye. 160 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,770 That's my new owner. 161 00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:05,360 She's a model. 162 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,863 No kidding. She almost put my eye out. 163 00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,074 So you're back awfully quick. 164 00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:14,702 Hey, hey, I was one of the last guys out there. 165 00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,328 The money was running low. 166 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:20,625 But there was still one rawhide chew toy out there for the Bulldog. 167 00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:27,841 I gotta take a squirt. When I come back, we'll play fetch. 168 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,176 Oh, my God. Daphne, why? 169 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:34,513 Things were slowing down so your father asked me to shill. 170 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,931 I opened at 100. 171 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:38,226 Who knew that would be the only bid? 172 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,678 Kristina, Buona notte! 173 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,013 Hi, Frasier. 174 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:18,682 Sorry I'm late, but I got a last-minute call for a job. 175 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:21,185 Oh, that's all right. You're here now, and you look enchanting. 176 00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,520 No, you don't understand. The job's tonight. 177 00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:25,272 But, uh, we could have dinner later. 178 00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:27,566 Oh, well, I suppose that's all right. 179 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,818 I hope you didn't go to too much trouble. 180 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,404 Oh, no, no, no. 181 00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:35,199 You rented a restaurant trolley. 182 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,786 No, no, I own it. Don't tell me you don't have one. 183 00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:41,538 There's just one more thing. 184 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:44,041 My friend Sandy got called in on the same job, 185 00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:46,419 and she was supposed to look after my daughter. 186 00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,092 Don't tell me you want me to babysit? 187 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,511 Look, I wouldn't do this, but I'm really in a jam. 188 00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:58,430 Look, Sandy will take her as soon as I get back, and, um, 189 00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,723 that'll leave just the two of us. 190 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,268 Look, Kristina, I'm not really sure if I can... 191 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,896 I'll make a lot of points with this, won't I? 192 00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:07,065 A ton. 193 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,027 Bring the darling in. 194 00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:16,573 Dr. Crane, this is my daughter Renata. 195 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:17,826 Hello. 196 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,160 She's, uh, shy at first. 197 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,331 Oh, there's the elevator. See you later. 198 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,753 Well... 199 00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:31,047 Come on in. Have a seat. 200 00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,844 Can I get you a... A soft drink? 201 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,597 Goose liver paté? 202 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,809 Renata, that's a pretty name. 203 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,145 Uh, I suppose it has some sort of poetic significance-- 204 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,729 Can I use your phone? 205 00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:51,066 Now, Renata, we're going to be spending the evening together. 206 00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,860 Let's try to make the best of it, shall we? 207 00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:54,194 I may surprise you, you know. 208 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,489 I probably am more "with it" than you think I am. 209 00:10:58,533 --> 00:10:59,993 The phone's right there. 210 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,540 No way. 211 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,585 No way. 212 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,546 That is so fresh. 213 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,174 No way. 214 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,468 No way. 215 00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:20,722 No. 216 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,141 Way. 217 00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:27,687 Hold on, there's another call. 218 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,355 Hello? 219 00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:31,441 He'll call you back. 220 00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:35,903 No way. 221 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:38,155 - Now, who was that? - I don't know. 222 00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:39,823 No way. 223 00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:41,533 Oh, God, another call's coming in. 224 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,703 Do you mind? I'll take this one. Thank you. 225 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:44,954 Hello? 226 00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:46,789 It's for you. 227 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,083 Hello? 228 00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:51,418 Hey, Tiffany. 229 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,962 Tiffany? I thought you just spoke to Tiffany. 230 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:57,592 That was Tiffany Schwartz. This is Tiffany Martinez. 231 00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:02,222 I celebrate the ethnic mosaic that is America, but nonetheless... 232 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,182 What's your damage? 233 00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:07,059 I'll tell you what my damage is, young lady. 234 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,852 You've been on the phone for an hour and a half. 235 00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:10,896 You haven't said a word except to ask for more Cheetos. 236 00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,024 They're coming, Eddie! 237 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,404 Excuse me. 238 00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,531 Like I'm supposed to be happy I'm here? 239 00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:24,368 Her fabulousness dumps me here with a total stranger 240 00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:25,870 who could be a total perv. 241 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,623 Well, I'm not exactly thrilled about it either, but your mother was in a bind. 242 00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,584 For the record, I am not a perv. 243 00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:35,587 You don't get it. She's always doing stuff like this. 244 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:36,631 She's a flake. 245 00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:40,008 Nonetheless, flake or not, you are in my charge, 246 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:42,761 and it's time you had something that was a bit more nutritious. 247 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,390 Now, how about, uh, seafood crepes? 248 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,225 Lobster Newburg? 249 00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:49,727 Corn dog dipped in Curare? 250 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,607 You got any raw cookie dough? 251 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,609 Even more lethal. Yes, just come on into the kitchen. 252 00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,860 We'll see what we've got. 253 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,362 You know, you wouldn't have gotten 254 00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:03,240 anywhere with her with this gourmet meal routine. 255 00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:05,242 She eats, like, nothing. 256 00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:07,202 She's a total diet freak. 257 00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,413 That's all she talks about besides herself. 258 00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:12,083 - You don't care for your mother, do you? - Well, duh. 259 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,418 You know, I have a son. 260 00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:16,336 I'd hate to think that by the time he's your age, 261 00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:17,963 he thinks of me as some sort of a... 262 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,339 Dweeb? 263 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,675 Thank you. 264 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,593 Brace yourself. 265 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,597 Oh, well, look what we have here. 266 00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:29,391 Will one tube suffice? 267 00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,226 Cool. 268 00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:33,521 Put that in your pipe and smoke it. 269 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,277 Well, now, Renata, you know... 270 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,114 I am a psychiatrist, and, uh... 271 00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:47,576 if you're having problems with your mother, I'd be glad to listen. 272 00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:52,123 You mean you want me to tell you all my problems like those gomers on your show? 273 00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:54,708 Like you care. 274 00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:56,085 I do care about the gomers. 275 00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,672 I even care about you. 276 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:01,966 Don't make me hurl. 277 00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:14,062 She keeps telling people I'm younger than I am. 278 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:16,938 Why do you think she does that? 279 00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,066 So they won't know how old she is. 280 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,402 I've been nine for the past three years. 281 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,529 - Really? - That's nothing. 282 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:27,991 Once she promised to take me ice skating for my birthday. 283 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,160 On the way there she saw a tattoo parlor. 284 00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:31,870 So she just left me out on the sidewalk 285 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,915 so she could get a stupid butterfly tattooed on her shoulder. 286 00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:37,376 It's like she forgot I was even out there. 287 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,211 My God, how old were you? 288 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,172 That was the first time I was nine. 289 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,885 What does your father say about all this? 290 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,053 Tony? 291 00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,347 He's on the road with Whitesnake all the time. 292 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:53,308 Whitesnake? Is that a musical group or a pet? 293 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,602 It's his new wife. 294 00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,649 I must confess, 295 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:03,902 I was a little apprehensive about going out with you tonight. 296 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,988 But I'm actually having a jolly time. 297 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:09,241 Unless, of course, it's the champagne getting to me. 298 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,951 I have had quite a bit, haven't I? 299 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:13,495 Oh, who cares? 300 00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:15,664 That's the beauty of being in a limo. 301 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:17,750 Unless, of course, the driver's drinking. 302 00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:20,002 You're not drinking, are you? 303 00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:22,212 He's not drinking. 304 00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:25,257 Oh! 305 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,802 Let's drink to the driver not drinking. 306 00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,929 Man, you're really looped. This is great. 307 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,517 Well, that's annoying, isn't it? 308 00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:38,687 It certainly is taking a long time getting out of this parking lot. 309 00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:41,898 Did I mention this was my first basketball game? 310 00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:44,234 Yes, of course I did. Three of four times. 311 00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:46,445 I still can't get over those players. 312 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:49,072 They are positively gigantic! 313 00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:51,534 Not that being tall is the only measure of a man. 314 00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,953 But it's a bloody good one! 315 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,834 Oh, dear, I just insulted you, didn't I? 316 00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:01,918 Sorry. 317 00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:04,964 Oh, well, you can take it. You're a tough little nut! 318 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:09,926 Oh, dear, this is not good. 319 00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,094 Not good at all. 320 00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,554 What? You don't like the champagne? 321 00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:14,931 No, I can see the bottom of me glass. 322 00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:17,602 Well, bottoms up! 323 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,353 Oh, you are a naughty boy! 324 00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,439 Now, don't go getting any ideas! 325 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,441 Oh, look who I'm saying this to. 326 00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,402 You don't have an idea in your head! 327 00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:33,408 I did it again! I insulted you! 328 00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,161 Let's drink to that! Boom! 329 00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:42,460 Now, that is downright rude! 330 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:46,379 Hey, you there! You with the Fire bird! 331 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:48,758 Yes, you! Stop that honking! 332 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:54,971 Oh, now, now, just because you look stupid doesn't mean you have to act stupid. 333 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:58,391 Hey, hey, don't aggravate him. We're kind of pinned in here. 334 00:16:58,392 --> 00:17:01,061 Oh, tosh! Civilization's not going to progress 335 00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:04,731 one iota unless someone points out when people's manners are remiss. 336 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,191 Move it! 337 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,485 Ah, shut your bloody cakehole! 338 00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:11,238 Hey, hey, don't do that! 339 00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:14,533 - Great, he's getting out of his car now. - Ooh, he's a tall one too. 340 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,326 Quick, roll up your window. Lock the door. 341 00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:18,203 Don't be stupid. He's not gonna hurt a woman. 342 00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:20,330 Just roll it up! Roll it up! 343 00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:22,499 Oh, you let him go! 344 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,834 Get your bloody paws off him! 345 00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:27,420 Let him go, you big ugly oaf! 346 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:28,381 Shut up! 347 00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:36,472 Oh, well, we're moving. 348 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,016 Thank you, Pit Bull. 349 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:41,686 I had a lovely time. 350 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:55,741 You know... 351 00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:58,119 this cookie dough is not that bad. 352 00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:02,123 Of course, I'm sure later I'll be hurling. 353 00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:08,753 Ah, that must be Her fabulousness. Wanna take the rest home with you? 354 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,005 I better not. 355 00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,549 If I gain an ounce, she goes ballistic. 356 00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,635 She makes me weigh in every morning. 357 00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:16,928 You poor thing. 358 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,388 I'm used to it. 359 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,393 Hi, I'm back. 360 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,395 Renata, honey. 361 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,398 Sandy's waiting downstairs in the car. 362 00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:30,817 Renata? 363 00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:33,070 I must say I had a rather enjoyable evening. 364 00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:35,323 You don't get out much, do you? 365 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,075 You know, I think she likes me. 366 00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,162 Well, uh, thank you for helping me out. 367 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,705 Now, uh, roll out that trolley. 368 00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:46,291 - I'm starved. - You know, Kristina, I... 369 00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,001 I don't think so. 370 00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:51,421 I think you ought to go home, spend the evening with your daughter. 371 00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:53,381 But I thought we had a date. 372 00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,260 Well, you know, when we first, uh, met I was... 373 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,847 well, attracted by your remarkable beauty. 374 00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:02,557 But now that I know a bit more about you, 375 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:06,187 well, suddenly you don't look so good, sister. 376 00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:12,859 Excuse me? 377 00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:15,236 A daughter is a privilege, not an inconvenience. 378 00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:17,989 You don't leave her standing on some street corner while you're inside 379 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,449 getting tattooed. 380 00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:21,785 Or keep her in some ageless never-never land 381 00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:24,037 where everyone is nine forever and ever. 382 00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:25,455 Renata told you I did that. 383 00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:27,540 Yes. She also told me about the morning weigh-ins. 384 00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:30,043 And the time you left her with the coat-check girl at the Palladium 385 00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:31,044 so you could go dancing. 386 00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:33,255 I mean, what kind of an excuse for a mother are you anyway? 387 00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:37,426 Well, did it ever occur to you that she might be lying? 388 00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:40,970 Because this is the first night I've been out in over a year. 389 00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:43,056 God knows John and Marianne never take her. 390 00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:45,308 - Who are they? - Her father and his new wife. 391 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,185 Oh, who are Tony and Whitesnake? 392 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,688 Our two dogs. 393 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,528 Do you know what I do most nights? 394 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,822 I stay home and I help her with her homework. 395 00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:00,323 Or French lessons. 396 00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:02,242 Oh, except last Saturday when I took her 397 00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:04,661 and her 12 friends to an ice skating party. 398 00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:07,247 I don't suppose there's any chance that during that party, 399 00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:08,749 you got your shoulder tattooed? 400 00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:12,294 Do you see anything there? Hmm? 401 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:16,882 No. 402 00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:19,385 But then my eyes are tearing up. 403 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,851 But why would she lie? 404 00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:30,437 Because she's 12 and she's mad at me. 405 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,731 She wanted to stay home alone, and I wouldn't let her. 406 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:35,024 I probably would have been better off if I had. 407 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:36,443 God, some shrink you are. 408 00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:39,487 No, please, don't go. I mean, child development is not my thing. 409 00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:41,865 My specialty is, uh, adult relations. 410 00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:44,160 Well, you won't be having any of those tonight. 411 00:20:45,035 --> 00:20:46,745 Kristina, please don't go. I... 412 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,748 Oh, and, uh, by the way, I only have one kidney. 413 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,167 Guess who has the other. 414 00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:17,443 Is the coast clear? 415 00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:20,361 What happened to the supermodel? 416 00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:21,613 She left. 417 00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:22,864 Oh. 418 00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:25,784 I was kind of afraid I might walk in on an embarrassing moment. 419 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,870 Should have been here half an hour ago. 420 00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:33,041 Well, if your date's left, what are you doing still up? 421 00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:34,168 Oh, I was just thinking. 422 00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,211 I was wondering if my... 423 00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:39,256 sweet little boy's gonna turn out to be a monster when he's 12. 424 00:21:39,882 --> 00:21:41,592 What the hell brought that up? 425 00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:45,220 Oh, it's a long story. Do you really want to hear it? 426 00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,806 Well, it is getting late. 427 00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:51,434 Look, all kids are the same. 428 00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,978 They start out cute, and then somewhere along the way, 429 00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:55,772 they get into that obnoxious, 430 00:21:55,773 --> 00:21:58,691 know-it-all stage and you think they'll never grow out of it. 431 00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:00,110 But eventually they do? 432 00:22:00,611 --> 00:22:02,029 I'm still hoping. 433 00:22:07,243 --> 00:22:08,077 Hello? 434 00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:10,621 Oh, Daphne. How was your evening? 435 00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:12,540 No way! 436 00:22:18,504 --> 00:22:23,217 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 437 00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:24,969 Oh, my. 438 00:22:25,386 --> 00:22:30,515 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 439 00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:37,773 ♪ But I don't know what to do with those Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 440 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,734 ♪ They're calling again ♪ 441 00:22:41,318 --> 00:22:43,195 Good night, Seattle, we love you!