1 00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:12,929 ...and though washing one's hands 20 to 30 times a day 2 00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:15,598 would be considered obsessive-compulsive, 3 00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:19,311 please bear in mind that your husband is a coroner. 4 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,816 Thank you for your call, Jeanine. 5 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,276 Roz, whom do we have next? 6 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:30,864 We have Ethan on line three and he's having a little problem at school. 7 00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:34,826 - Hello, Ethan. I'm listening. - Hi, Dr. Crane. 8 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:38,037 - How old are you? - I'm 13. 9 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,705 Well, what can I do for you? 10 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,959 I'm having a lot of problems with the other kids at school. 11 00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,086 They're always beating me up. 12 00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:46,338 Why do you think that's so? 13 00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,464 Probably because I'm smart. 14 00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,258 I have a 160 IQ. 15 00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:52,511 I'm in the astronomy club and I hate sports. 16 00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:54,637 Well, Ethan, you know, 17 00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:58,057 the other children are just acting out of jealousy and immaturity. 18 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,601 I know it doesn't help much right now, 19 00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:02,436 but the day will come in the next few years 20 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,148 when you will have the last laugh. 21 00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:07,192 That's it? 22 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:11,612 Yes. 23 00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:14,907 Frankly, Dr. Crane, I find that advice patronizing, 24 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,493 simplistic, and in all candor, uninspired. 25 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:18,995 The real surprise here 26 00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:21,707 is that they pay you to dole out this balloon juice. 27 00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:27,671 - Ethan, where are you calling from? - Home. 28 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,924 Well, if any of Ethan's classmates are listening, 29 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:35,637 you know where he is, and he can't stay in there forever. 30 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,475 Thank you for your call. 31 00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:43,853 Well, that's about it for today. 32 00:01:43,854 --> 00:01:47,357 This is Frasier Crane, KACL, talk radio, 780 AM. 33 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,778 Well, Roz, I thought that was a pretty good show, didn't you? 34 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,781 Yeah. Sure. Whatever you say. 35 00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:56,782 You seem a bit distracted there, Roz. 36 00:01:56,783 --> 00:02:00,120 - You got another one of your hot dates? - If you must know, yes. 37 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,247 Pick you up outside in five minutes? 38 00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:04,666 Great. Thanks, Noel. 39 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:13,049 Noel? Noel Shemp sky from Sales? 40 00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,759 That's who your date's with? 41 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:15,801 Well, it's not a date. 42 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,428 We're just going out for a drink, okay? 43 00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:19,139 Noel the mole? 44 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:22,600 I know he's not great-looking. 45 00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:25,144 I know he drives a '73 Dodge Polaris. 46 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:28,397 But he's just always struck me as a really interesting guy. 47 00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:29,565 Mm-hm. 48 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:32,693 Look, the world is loaded with superficial guys. 49 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:35,655 You know, I just want to try going out with someone who has a good heart. 50 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,740 He's smart. He's substantial. 51 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,575 And, you know, considering my track record lately, 52 00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,243 I would hope you'd support me. 53 00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,663 Is that asking too much? 54 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:47,167 Does Noel still have that autographed picture of Captain Kirk in his cubicle? 55 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,087 Why do I tell you anything? 56 00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:58,094 Knock, knock. 57 00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,261 Can I be of any assistance? 58 00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:00,680 Oh, no, thank you, Dr. Crane. 59 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,223 I think I have everything under control. 60 00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:04,100 Well, do you mind if I linger then? 61 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:06,269 I've always been sort of a kitchen person. 62 00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,732 Suit yourself. I like the company. 63 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,068 So how's Dad's therapy going? 64 00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:17,071 Well, we're getting more mobility in his hip 65 00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:19,073 and his flexibility is improving, 66 00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:22,327 but it's always a chore to get him to do his exercises. 67 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:26,747 Of course, I've found the secret is if I bribe him with sweets, then... 68 00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,750 Oh, my goodness! 69 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:31,920 Dr. Crane. 70 00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:37,217 Dr. Crane, can you get up? 71 00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,678 No, no. I think I'd better stay here for a few minutes. 72 00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:43,097 I thought I heard-- Niles, what are you doing? 73 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:46,183 I'm afraid he conked his head on the hood there. 74 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:47,518 You are shameless. 75 00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:49,562 I have a very sore head and a crackerjack lawyer, 76 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,897 so don't crowd me. 77 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,775 Here, put this on it. 78 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,445 Oh, thank you. Daphne, you've been wonderful in this time of crisis. 79 00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:58,696 Oh, come on, Camille. 80 00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:00,281 I need to talk to you. 81 00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:01,741 Here, have a seat right here. 82 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:05,161 Now, listen, Niles. I'm having a young lady over on Friday night. 83 00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:07,371 I was hoping that maybe you could take Dad out for me. 84 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,998 Oh, I wish you'd said Saturday. 85 00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:11,418 - Why, you have plans Friday? - No. I have plans Saturday. 86 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,961 Just tell me that you'll do this for me. 87 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,379 - Oh, all right. - Thank you. 88 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:18,508 So does this mean you're hoping to get lucky Friday night? 89 00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:23,054 Niles, please, nobody refers to having sex as "getting lucky" anymore. 90 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:24,473 I do. 91 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,142 Hello, boys. 92 00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,394 - Hey, Dad. - Hi, Dad. 93 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,438 Uh, Dad. 94 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:35,357 I was wondering if you'd be interested in joining Maris and me Friday night. 95 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:39,029 We're dying to try the new rib joint that's opened on Bellevue Way. 96 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,156 I understand that if the onion rings aren't as big as your head, 97 00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,450 you get them for free. 98 00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:48,871 Well, thanks, Niles. 99 00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:51,165 But I thought I'd just spend a quiet evening at home. 100 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,500 Oh, well, then... 101 00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:54,210 Better yet, why don't you come to our house? 102 00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:57,087 We'll make dinner, and we'll even rent an Angie Dickinson film. 103 00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:57,964 Ooh! 104 00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,258 All right, what's going on? 105 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,345 Frasier wants me out of here 'cause he's got a date? 106 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,932 I'm sorry, Frasier. He sees things that others don't. 107 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:09,642 Well, I'm sorry, Dad. 108 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,393 I suppose I should have asked you myself. 109 00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,395 Oh, that's all right. I'll clear out. 110 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:17,274 But just remember, one hand washes the other around here. 111 00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:18,984 What does that mean? 112 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,903 As long as I'm clearing out for you Friday night, 113 00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:22,321 you clear out for me Thursday night. 114 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,324 I've got a date with Elaine Morris in 1412. 115 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:28,536 Well, well, well. How long has this been going on? 116 00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:31,288 Well, she's had me over for coffee a couple of times. 117 00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,583 I just thought I'd like to have her over here for dinner. 118 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,878 Niles, wipe that stupid smirk off your face. 119 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,549 - What do you say, Frasier? - Well, sure, Dad. I think that's terrific. 120 00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:43,968 Oh, listen. If there's a lull in the conversation, 121 00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:46,345 we've got all kinds of board games back here in the closet. 122 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,722 We've got playing cards. Does she like to play canasta? 123 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,724 Oh, and PBS is running a wonderful documentary 124 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:54,353 - on the swing bands of the '30s and '40s. - Oh, wow! Yeah. 125 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,230 Well, thanks a lot for all your help, boys, 126 00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:58,732 but I think we'll just split a bowl of creamed corn, 127 00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,609 rub a little liniment into each other's joints, 128 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,612 and fall asleep drooling on the couch. 129 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:10,287 - Morning, Daphne. - Good morning, Dr. Crane. 130 00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:13,414 I want to thank you again for the show last night. 131 00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:16,166 I've never been to experimental theater before. 132 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,043 Oh, don't mention it. It was my pleasure. 133 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:20,212 I think I understood most of it. 134 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:23,967 Only, what did it mean when the naked man came in carrying a suitcase? 135 00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:28,889 Well, I think it meant that he'd packed too much. 136 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:34,185 Well, I'm sure your father appreciated having us out of the house. 137 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,563 What is that heavenly aroma? 138 00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:41,358 I decided to prepare us a traditional English breakfast. 139 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:42,818 - We have eggs... - Mm-hm. 140 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:45,404 ...bangers, or as you call them, sausages, 141 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,739 and to finish it off, 142 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,491 a batch of Grammy Moon's famous sticky buns. 143 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,118 Oh, my. That's it. 144 00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,995 Grammy made these every Sunday. 145 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,289 Of course, she added a pint of rum to the recipe. 146 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,667 And nobody liked these more than Grammy herself. 147 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:01,712 Many's the Sunday I'd head over to her house after church, 148 00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:04,006 only to find her out in the garden in her wedding dress, 149 00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,467 face down in the birdbath. 150 00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,470 - Morning. - Well, morning, Dad. 151 00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:13,432 So, uh, how was your date last night? 152 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:17,604 Huh, boy, it feels strange a son asking his father how his date was last night... 153 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,941 when he could ask the date herself. 154 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:26,487 Uh, Elaine, this is Daphne Moon and my son, Frasier Crane. 155 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:28,114 - This is Elaine Morris. - Yes, hello. 156 00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:32,952 - So... So it's a pleasure to meet you. - Yes. 157 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,203 It's, uh... 158 00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:37,415 I know that Dad's wanted to have you for a long time. 159 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:43,921 - I mean for dinner. - Yes. Well, I certainly enjoyed it. 160 00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,590 But, you know, Martin, I really should be going. 161 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:49,259 Oh, no. You should at least stay for breakfast, shouldn't she, Frasier? 162 00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:52,179 - Oh, yes, absolutely. - Well, I guess I could stay for coffee. 163 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:54,975 Splendid, splendid, splendid. 164 00:07:57,060 --> 00:08:01,230 What did you two kids do last night? Did you play some games? 165 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:02,898 Well, I mean, board games. 166 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:06,151 Well, not that you were bored, or excited. 167 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,570 Well, not that I'd know anything or should, 168 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,948 but, uh, warm buns, Elaine? 169 00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,074 No, no, no, not yours. 170 00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:14,618 I mean, ours, ours, to eat, you see, you see. 171 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,370 Here, I'll have one. 172 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,331 - Oh. Mm. Warm. - Oh. 173 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,376 - Why don't we go sit at the table? - Okay. 174 00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,337 - What the hell's wrong with you? - I don't know. 175 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:31,301 Well, uh, Frasier, you know, I really love your radio show. 176 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,470 My friends and I listen to it almost every day. 177 00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:35,640 Oh, thank you. That's always lovely to hear. 178 00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:45,065 Elaine's a buyer at Bon Marc he. 179 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:48,235 Oh, really, really? I do a great deal of shopping there. 180 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:51,030 You know, as a matter of fact I bought the comforter on Dad's bed there. 181 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,408 Well, I suppose you noticed that. Well, or... 182 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,871 Maybe you didn't. I don't know if you had the lights on or... 183 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,998 I mean, I don't know how you like it. 184 00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:03,542 I mean, well, how you... light it. 185 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,754 Well, how you like to light it. 186 00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:07,630 Uh... Oh, banger, Dad? 187 00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,512 You know, I really should be going. 188 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:16,764 I've got to get ready for work. 189 00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,726 It was nice meeting you, Daphne, and, uh, Frasier. 190 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:24,104 Thanks for a lovely evening, Martin. 191 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,648 - I'll call you later. - Yeah. 192 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,901 You couldn't have served bacon? 193 00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,069 Me? 194 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,195 The way you were carrying on, 195 00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:33,573 I think we can be thankful I didn't make toad in a hole. 196 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:39,703 Well, you handled that smoothly, Dr. Crane. 197 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:40,621 I'm sorry, Dad. 198 00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:43,332 It just really caught me off guard. 199 00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:45,542 Oh, that's okay. I ought to apologize. 200 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,712 I should have warned you, but... 201 00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:51,883 But I really didn't think it was gonna happen. 202 00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:54,803 Pretty glad it did. 203 00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,848 So you like Elaine? 204 00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:00,934 I like Elaine. 205 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,148 So, Dad... 206 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,441 Yeah, yeah. 207 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,151 You're back on the beat. 208 00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,112 All right. 209 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:16,448 - All right. - Lock up your daughters. 210 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,867 - Yeah. Okay. Okay. - Oh, come on, you old-- 211 00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,495 Frasier, don't push it. 212 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,543 We have Mary Ann on line four. 213 00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:29,462 She's concerned about her daughter. 214 00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:32,381 Hello, Mary Ann. 215 00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,133 - I'm listening. - Kids! 216 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:37,387 You can't live with them, you can't shove them back in the womb. 217 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:43,935 Well, as we try to forget the image that summons up... 218 00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:47,355 how can I help you, Mary Ann? 219 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,732 Well, two days ago, Judy, my 22-year-old, 220 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:53,235 arrived home for a visit with her boyfriend. 221 00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:56,280 I insisted that they sleep in separate bedrooms. 222 00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:59,575 She got furious with me and she's been giving me dirty looks all week. 223 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:02,244 - Am I completely out of line here? - Not at all. 224 00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:05,122 I think that, uh, in your own house you make up the rules. 225 00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,665 - Thank you. - But... 226 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:10,420 Are we sure there isn't something else going on here? 227 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:14,464 Perhaps you're having a problem thinking of your daughter as an adult. 228 00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:16,717 You see, we all have a tendency 229 00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:19,971 to freeze people in roles with which we are most comfortable. 230 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,933 Especially when it comes to that old bugaboo, sex. 231 00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,810 You know, let me use myself as an example. 232 00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,187 Um, as many of you know, 233 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:31,440 my 63-year-old father recently moved in with me, 234 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,649 and this morning, over coffee, 235 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,110 I discovered that he had spent the night in his room 236 00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,405 with a delightful creature named Elaine. 237 00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:41,700 Well, the entire episode completely unnerved me. 238 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:42,659 Why? 239 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:47,123 Because I had never thought of my father as a man with normal sexual urges. 240 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,293 To me, he was always just plain old Dad. 241 00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:52,669 Well, that's absurd. 242 00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,839 I mean, my father is a witty, virile, charming man, 243 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,468 possessed with the hereditary Crane good looks. 244 00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:01,345 I suppose what I'm driving at 245 00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:06,434 is that sexuality is a healthy part of adulthood at any age. 246 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,853 I think it's time that we embraced that, don't you, Mary Ann? 247 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,897 Sorry, Dr. Crane, I've gotta go. 248 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,858 I'm hearing noises from the guest room. 249 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:18,362 Well, as Mary Ann rushes to the guest room with a bucket of ice water, 250 00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:19,864 we will pause for these messages. 251 00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:25,160 Hey, Frasier. That was a really good show. 252 00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:26,912 Well, thank you. I thought so too. 253 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:29,373 Hi, Dr. Crane. Hi, Roz. 254 00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:30,917 Hi, Noel. 255 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:34,461 - I had a great time last night. - Me too. 256 00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:37,173 I made you this spice rack. 257 00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:44,973 I specially treated the back for easy wall adhesion. 258 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:49,101 That was very thoughtful of you, Noel. 259 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:52,814 Well, um, I gotta run. I'll call you later. 260 00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,108 Live long and prosper. 261 00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:00,570 Oh, look, there's a place for cumin. 262 00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,073 Most people overlook that. 263 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,326 Just kill me. 264 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,496 I don't understand it. 265 00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:11,581 Why would he say something like that on the radio? 266 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:14,794 Did you know, when you get angry, your ears turn red? 267 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:17,297 See? There they go. 268 00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:21,134 Evening everyone. 269 00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:23,720 I'll be going to me room right now. 270 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:28,975 Hello, Eddie. 271 00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,690 Well, I seem to have cleared the room. 272 00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:39,359 - I wanna talk to you, mister. - Uh-oh. 273 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,528 Sounds like someone's being taken out behind the woodshed. 274 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,988 Don't tempt me. 275 00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,073 Where do you get off talking about my personal life 276 00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:46,783 on your radio program? 277 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,702 Are you discussing what I said about you and Elaine? 278 00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:51,330 You're damn right I am. I've never been so embarrassed in my life. 279 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:54,082 - Dad, everything I said was flattering. - Oh, yeah. 280 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:57,085 Telling all of Seattle about your old dad shacking up with the neighbor lady. 281 00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,838 Come on, you old swordsman. I thought you'd get a kick out of it. 282 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,548 Knock it off, Frasier. 283 00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:03,885 Thanks to you, Elaine won't even talk to me anymore. 284 00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,888 What for? Just because of a harmless remark I made on the radio? 285 00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:10,140 Hey, for your information, people of our generation 286 00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:12,017 think that sex is a private thing. 287 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,478 And I still think that's a pretty healthy way of looking at it. 288 00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:17,607 Sex is something between you and the person you're doing it to. 289 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:27,032 Well, don't you-- Don't you think she's overreacting a little? 290 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,742 Put yourself in her place. 291 00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:30,994 She takes a chance and spends the night with me. 292 00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:33,789 Next thing she knows, it's being broadcast all over Seattle. 293 00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,625 I mean, her friends heard it and called her. 294 00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,460 She's so embarrassed she hasn't been out all day. 295 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:40,253 She won't even answer the phone now. 296 00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:43,590 - I'm sorry, Dad. - Your sympathy touches me. 297 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:46,593 Well, look, look. I caused the problem, and I will take care of it. 298 00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:49,305 Yeah, well, I'll be in my room holding my breath. 299 00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:59,690 I said I'd take care of it. 300 00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:04,778 I hate my voice. 301 00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:08,740 I mean, I know no one likes the sound of their own voice, 302 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,451 especially when they hear it on tape 303 00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:15,622 because it doesn't sound as good as it does in their own head, 304 00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:18,209 but I hate my voice in my head too. 305 00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:22,504 You can't get away from your own voice either, you know. 306 00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:25,924 I've tried not listening to myself when I talk. 307 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:30,012 But I find myself kind of saying things that don't make a lot of sense. 308 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:35,767 I hate my voice so much, I had to call a neighbor in 309 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:39,063 to do the message on my answering machine. 310 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:44,026 I don't like his voice very much either, but it's better than mine. 311 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,279 Not that I get a lot of calls either. 312 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,822 Well, you go figure. 313 00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:51,159 Any advice, Dr. Crane? 314 00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,829 Oh, yes, yes. Just, uh, go on with what you're doing 315 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:58,124 and, uh, everything should turn out all right. 316 00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:00,543 Thank you for your call. 317 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:07,592 Now, I'd like to end today's show on something of a personal note. 318 00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:10,636 I'm talking to one person in my audience. 319 00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:12,722 Elaine. 320 00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:16,142 You wouldn't answer my phone calls. You wouldn't come to the door. 321 00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:18,227 So I hope you're listening. 322 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:23,523 And if you are, I want to apologize for what I said on the radio. 323 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:25,609 I took something that was of a private nature 324 00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,444 and turned it into public knowledge. 325 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:31,823 I promise I will never do that again. Well, except for this time. 326 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,493 Then I promise I'll never do it again. 327 00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,496 You see, the saddest thing is, Elaine, that, uh... 328 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,249 Dad is paying for my mistake. 329 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:53,971 Elaine... 330 00:16:56,766 --> 00:17:01,020 Martin cares for you and he misses you very much. 331 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:06,025 More than anything in the world he'd like to be back together with you. 332 00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:09,362 And if you feel for him the way he feels for you, 333 00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,905 I hope you'll find it in your heart 334 00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:15,117 to come to my place tonight at 8:00 for dinner. 335 00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,995 A very romantic dinner. 336 00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:20,373 Thanks, Elaine. 337 00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:26,128 This is KACL 780 AM, talk radio, 338 00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,506 and I'm Frasier Crane, 339 00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:31,259 the love doctor. 340 00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:39,766 ♪ Moon River... ♪ 341 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,894 Ah, well, the champagne's chilled. 342 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,980 Platter of hors d'oeuvres. How are things in the kitchen? 343 00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:47,482 The roast is out of the oven. It looks beautiful. 344 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,234 God, I hope this works, Daphne. 345 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:52,280 Well, I've been sending Elaine psychic messages all day. 346 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,532 You're kidding. You can transmit? 347 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,242 I thought you were just a receiver. 348 00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,786 Well, I'm giving it a try. 349 00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:05,000 You know, "Elaine in 1410, come to dinner, come to dinner." 350 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:07,502 That's very charming, Daphne, but Elaine's in 1412. 351 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:08,420 Oh, dear. 352 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,673 I guess I'd better set an extra place at the table then. 353 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:15,010 Ah, look. It's 8:00, and I'm still a pumpkin. 354 00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:17,971 Dad, it is two minutes to 8. Why don't you just sit down and relax? 355 00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,139 Oh, this is stupid. 356 00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:21,224 She probably didn't even hear your show. 357 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,351 Does this tie go with the jacket? 358 00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:24,853 You look smashing. 359 00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:27,022 Who the hell am I kidding? She's not gonna show up. 360 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,440 I don't know why I even... 361 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,611 May I just suggest we skip the first course, which is crow, 362 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,487 and move directly into the hors d'oeuvres? 363 00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:35,948 Just shut up and answer the door. 364 00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,537 Excuse me, is this the Crane residence? 365 00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:43,705 Yes, it is. 366 00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:47,042 Well, we've been waiting here for the last 15 minutes. 367 00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,835 Did Elaine show up, or did we miss her? 368 00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:50,879 Who are all you people? 369 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,964 We heard your show today. 370 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,966 Oh, it was so romantic. 371 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,509 We all have our fingers crossed. 372 00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:59,179 - That's very kind. - I'm Marjorie from down on 11. 373 00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:00,889 - Hello, Marjorie. - And this is Norman. 374 00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,683 - Hello, Norman. - The rest of these people, I don't know. 375 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:04,518 Nice to see you. 376 00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,520 Tony. Tony, What are you doing here? 377 00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:08,980 Shouldn't you be watching the door? 378 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,607 Don't worry. We're all locked in. 379 00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,234 I have got to find out how this ends, doc. 380 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,819 What's going on out here? 381 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,030 Oh, is this Martin? 382 00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,368 People. People, please. Don't you have lives of your own? 383 00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:24,162 - For God's sake. Please scoot. Scat. - What's happening here? 384 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,915 It's a private situation. 385 00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:29,542 That's her. 386 00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:30,670 Oh, my God! 387 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:34,589 - Please, please, come out here. - No. I'm going home. 388 00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:36,675 Dad. Dad, you come in here. 389 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,343 All right, now, everybody back off. 390 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,095 Just back off. Just give us some time. 391 00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,889 - Please. Please. - I knew I should never have come up here. 392 00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:45,392 - Nothing's changed. - Please let me try to explain. 393 00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:47,769 - You've done enough. - Oh, Dad, please. 394 00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,104 Frasier, over there. 395 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:50,271 I... Dad! 396 00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:51,232 Turn around. 397 00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:54,443 Ah! 398 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,365 Look, Elaine, I'm sorry about what happened. 399 00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:01,951 You've got every right to be mad. 400 00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,870 But I thought what we had was pretty good. 401 00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:08,666 And thanks to radio boy here, I think most of Seattle agrees with me. 402 00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:13,337 I'd sure hate us to lose it just because of one stupid thing. 403 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:16,632 Come on, Elaine. 404 00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:19,760 I had a great time on our date the other night. 405 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,304 You don't feel the same way? 406 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,850 You may not remember, but I have warm toes. 407 00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:32,189 Anyway, it's your choice. 408 00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,359 But I sure wish you'd come and have dinner with me. 409 00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:54,253 Who said you could turn around? 410 00:20:57,548 --> 00:20:59,800 Look. It's coming back up. 411 00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:02,178 Aw! 412 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:08,057 All right, everyone. You had your fun. Show's over. 413 00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:10,101 Nothing more to see. Go back to your homes. 414 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,020 Yes, please, folks. Honor what the man says. 415 00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:14,647 Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for your concern. 416 00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:15,607 Thank you so much. 417 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,650 Let's expedite this departure, please, if you would. 418 00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:18,569 Thank you so much. 419 00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:21,155 Goodbye. 420 00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:25,241 Well, I suppose we should give them their privacy. 421 00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:26,993 Yes, yes, I suppose you're right. 422 00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:27,952 Mm. 423 00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,329 It's ironic, isn't it? 424 00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:31,289 My 63-year-old father with a bum hip 425 00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:34,043 is about to embark on a night of romance 426 00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:37,755 while the two of us, man and woman, 427 00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:41,592 both attractive and eligible and in the prime of our lives 428 00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:44,552 with nothing to do on a Saturday night. 429 00:21:44,553 --> 00:21:45,512 Mm. 430 00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:49,058 You know, the answer to our problems might be right under our noses. 431 00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:52,728 Yes, Daphne, I think it is. 432 00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:56,147 All right, you go claim the washing machines. 433 00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,316 I'll go get the laundry. 434 00:21:58,108 --> 00:21:58,943 Right. 435 00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:14,500 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 436 00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:15,960 Mercy! 437 00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:19,254 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 438 00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:21,589 ♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 439 00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:23,758 ♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ 440 00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:25,385 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 441 00:22:25,386 --> 00:22:28,931 ♪ With those toss salads And scrambled eggs ♪ 442 00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:32,351 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 443 00:22:33,394 --> 00:22:36,271 Scrambled eggs all over my face. 444 00:22:36,272 --> 00:22:37,815 What is a boy to do? 445 00:22:40,234 --> 00:22:41,652 Thank you!