1
00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:12,929
...and though washing one's hands
20 to 30 times a day
2
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:15,598
would be considered obsessive-compulsive,
3
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:19,311
please bear in mind
that your husband is a coroner.
4
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,816
Thank you for your call, Jeanine.
5
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,276
Roz, whom do we have next?
6
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:30,864
We have Ethan on line three and
he's having a little problem at school.
7
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:34,826
- Hello, Ethan. I'm listening.
- Hi, Dr. Crane.
8
00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:38,037
- How old are you?
- I'm 13.
9
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,705
Well, what can I do for you?
10
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,959
I'm having a lot of problems
with the other kids at school.
11
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,086
They're always beating me up.
12
00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:46,338
Why do you think that's so?
13
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,464
Probably because I'm smart.
14
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,258
I have a 160 IQ.
15
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:52,511
I'm in the astronomy club
and I hate sports.
16
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:54,637
Well, Ethan, you know,
17
00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:58,057
the other children are just acting out
of jealousy and immaturity.
18
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,601
I know it doesn't help much right now,
19
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:02,436
but the day will come
in the next few years
20
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,148
when you will have the last laugh.
21
00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:07,192
That's it?
22
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:11,612
Yes.
23
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:14,907
Frankly, Dr. Crane,
I find that advice patronizing,
24
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,493
simplistic, and in all candor, uninspired.
25
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:18,995
The real surprise here
26
00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:21,707
is that they pay you
to dole out this balloon juice.
27
00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:27,671
- Ethan, where are you calling from?
- Home.
28
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,924
Well, if any of Ethan's classmates
are listening,
29
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:35,637
you know where he is,
and he can't stay in there forever.
30
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,475
Thank you for your call.
31
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:43,853
Well, that's about it for today.
32
00:01:43,854 --> 00:01:47,357
This is Frasier Crane,
KACL, talk radio, 780 AM.
33
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,778
Well, Roz, I thought that
was a pretty good show, didn't you?
34
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,781
Yeah. Sure. Whatever you say.
35
00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:56,782
You seem a bit distracted there, Roz.
36
00:01:56,783 --> 00:02:00,120
- You got another one of your hot dates?
- If you must know, yes.
37
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,247
Pick you up outside in five minutes?
38
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:04,666
Great. Thanks, Noel.
39
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:13,049
Noel? Noel Shemp sky from Sales?
40
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,759
That's who your date's with?
41
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:15,801
Well, it's not a date.
42
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,428
We're just going out for a drink, okay?
43
00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:19,139
Noel the mole?
44
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:22,600
I know he's not great-looking.
45
00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:25,144
I know he drives a '73 Dodge Polaris.
46
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:28,397
But he's just always struck me
as a really interesting guy.
47
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:29,565
Mm-hm.
48
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:32,693
Look, the world
is loaded with superficial guys.
49
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:35,655
You know, I just want to try going out
with someone who has a good heart.
50
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,740
He's smart. He's substantial.
51
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,575
And, you know,
considering my track record lately,
52
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,243
I would hope you'd support me.
53
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,663
Is that asking too much?
54
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:47,167
Does Noel still have that autographed
picture of Captain Kirk in his cubicle?
55
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,087
Why do I tell you anything?
56
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:58,094
Knock, knock.
57
00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,261
Can I be of any assistance?
58
00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:00,680
Oh, no, thank you, Dr. Crane.
59
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,223
I think I have everything under control.
60
00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:04,100
Well, do you mind if I linger then?
61
00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:06,269
I've always been sort of a kitchen person.
62
00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,732
Suit yourself. I like the company.
63
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,068
So how's Dad's therapy going?
64
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:17,071
Well, we're getting
more mobility in his hip
65
00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:19,073
and his flexibility is improving,
66
00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:22,327
but it's always a chore
to get him to do his exercises.
67
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:26,747
Of course, I've found the secret is
if I bribe him with sweets, then...
68
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,750
Oh, my goodness!
69
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:31,920
Dr. Crane.
70
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:37,217
Dr. Crane, can you get up?
71
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,678
No, no. I think I'd better
stay here for a few minutes.
72
00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:43,097
I thought I heard--
Niles, what are you doing?
73
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:46,183
I'm afraid he conked
his head on the hood there.
74
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:47,518
You are shameless.
75
00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:49,562
I have a very sore head
and a crackerjack lawyer,
76
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,897
so don't crowd me.
77
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,775
Here, put this on it.
78
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,445
Oh, thank you. Daphne, you've been
wonderful in this time of crisis.
79
00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:58,696
Oh, come on, Camille.
80
00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:00,281
I need to talk to you.
81
00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:01,741
Here, have a seat right here.
82
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:05,161
Now, listen, Niles. I'm having
a young lady over on Friday night.
83
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:07,371
I was hoping that maybe
you could take Dad out for me.
84
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,998
Oh, I wish you'd said Saturday.
85
00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:11,418
- Why, you have plans Friday?
- No. I have plans Saturday.
86
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,961
Just tell me that you'll do this for me.
87
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,379
- Oh, all right.
- Thank you.
88
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:18,508
So does this mean you're hoping
to get lucky Friday night?
89
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:23,054
Niles, please, nobody refers to
having sex as "getting lucky" anymore.
90
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:24,473
I do.
91
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,142
Hello, boys.
92
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,394
- Hey, Dad.
- Hi, Dad.
93
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,438
Uh, Dad.
94
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:35,357
I was wondering if you'd be interested
in joining Maris and me Friday night.
95
00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:39,029
We're dying to try the new rib joint
that's opened on Bellevue Way.
96
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,156
I understand that if the onion rings
aren't as big as your head,
97
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,450
you get them for free.
98
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:48,871
Well, thanks, Niles.
99
00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:51,165
But I thought I'd just spend
a quiet evening at home.
100
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,500
Oh, well, then...
101
00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:54,210
Better yet,
why don't you come to our house?
102
00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:57,087
We'll make dinner, and we'll even rent
an Angie Dickinson film.
103
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:57,964
Ooh!
104
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,258
All right, what's going on?
105
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,345
Frasier wants me out of here
'cause he's got a date?
106
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,932
I'm sorry, Frasier.
He sees things that others don't.
107
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:09,642
Well, I'm sorry, Dad.
108
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,393
I suppose I should have asked you myself.
109
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,395
Oh, that's all right. I'll clear out.
110
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:17,274
But just remember,
one hand washes the other around here.
111
00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:18,984
What does that mean?
112
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,903
As long as I'm clearing out for you
Friday night,
113
00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:22,321
you clear out for me Thursday night.
114
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,324
I've got a date with Elaine Morris
in 1412.
115
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:28,536
Well, well, well.
How long has this been going on?
116
00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:31,288
Well, she's had me over
for coffee a couple of times.
117
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:33,583
I just thought I'd like
to have her over here for dinner.
118
00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,878
Niles, wipe that stupid smirk
off your face.
119
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,549
- What do you say, Frasier?
- Well, sure, Dad. I think that's terrific.
120
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:43,968
Oh, listen.
If there's a lull in the conversation,
121
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:46,345
we've got all kinds of board games
back here in the closet.
122
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,722
We've got playing cards.
Does she like to play canasta?
123
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,724
Oh, and PBS is running
a wonderful documentary
124
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:54,353
- on the swing bands of the '30s and '40s.
- Oh, wow! Yeah.
125
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,230
Well, thanks a lot
for all your help, boys,
126
00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:58,732
but I think we'll just split
a bowl of creamed corn,
127
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,609
rub a little liniment
into each other's joints,
128
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,612
and fall asleep drooling on the couch.
129
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:10,287
- Morning, Daphne.
- Good morning, Dr. Crane.
130
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:13,414
I want to thank you again
for the show last night.
131
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:16,166
I've never been
to experimental theater before.
132
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,043
Oh, don't mention it. It was my pleasure.
133
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:20,212
I think I understood most of it.
134
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:23,967
Only, what did it mean when the naked man
came in carrying a suitcase?
135
00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:28,889
Well, I think it meant
that he'd packed too much.
136
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:34,185
Well, I'm sure your father appreciated
having us out of the house.
137
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,563
What is that heavenly aroma?
138
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:41,358
I decided to prepare us
a traditional English breakfast.
139
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:42,818
- We have eggs...
- Mm-hm.
140
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:45,404
...bangers, or as you call them, sausages,
141
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,739
and to finish it off,
142
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,491
a batch of Grammy Moon's
famous sticky buns.
143
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,118
Oh, my. That's it.
144
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,995
Grammy made these every Sunday.
145
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,289
Of course,
she added a pint of rum to the recipe.
146
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,667
And nobody liked these
more than Grammy herself.
147
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:01,712
Many's the Sunday
I'd head over to her house after church,
148
00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:04,006
only to find her out
in the garden in her wedding dress,
149
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,467
face down in the birdbath.
150
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,470
- Morning.
- Well, morning, Dad.
151
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:13,432
So, uh, how was your date last night?
152
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:17,604
Huh, boy, it feels strange a son asking
his father how his date was last night...
153
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:20,941
when he could ask the date herself.
154
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:26,487
Uh, Elaine, this is Daphne Moon
and my son, Frasier Crane.
155
00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:28,114
- This is Elaine Morris.
- Yes, hello.
156
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:32,952
- So... So it's a pleasure to meet you.
- Yes.
157
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,203
It's, uh...
158
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:37,415
I know that Dad's wanted
to have you for a long time.
159
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:43,921
- I mean for dinner.
- Yes. Well, I certainly enjoyed it.
160
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,590
But, you know, Martin,
I really should be going.
161
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:49,259
Oh, no. You should at least stay
for breakfast, shouldn't she, Frasier?
162
00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:52,179
- Oh, yes, absolutely.
- Well, I guess I could stay for coffee.
163
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:54,975
Splendid, splendid, splendid.
164
00:07:57,060 --> 00:08:01,230
What did you two kids do last night?
Did you play some games?
165
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:02,898
Well, I mean, board games.
166
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:06,151
Well, not that you were bored, or excited.
167
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,570
Well, not that I'd know anything
or should,
168
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,948
but, uh, warm buns, Elaine?
169
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,074
No, no, no, not yours.
170
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:14,618
I mean, ours, ours, to eat,
you see, you see.
171
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,370
Here, I'll have one.
172
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,331
- Oh. Mm. Warm.
- Oh.
173
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,376
- Why don't we go sit at the table?
- Okay.
174
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,337
- What the hell's wrong with you?
- I don't know.
175
00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:31,301
Well, uh, Frasier, you know,
I really love your radio show.
176
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,470
My friends and I listen to it
almost every day.
177
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:35,640
Oh, thank you.
That's always lovely to hear.
178
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:45,065
Elaine's a buyer at Bon Marc he.
179
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:48,235
Oh, really, really?
I do a great deal of shopping there.
180
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:51,030
You know, as a matter of fact
I bought the comforter on Dad's bed there.
181
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,408
Well, I suppose you noticed that.
Well, or...
182
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,871
Maybe you didn't. I don't know
if you had the lights on or...
183
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,998
I mean, I don't know how you like it.
184
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:03,542
I mean, well, how you... light it.
185
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,754
Well, how you like to light it.
186
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:07,630
Uh... Oh, banger, Dad?
187
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,512
You know, I really should be going.
188
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:16,764
I've got to get ready for work.
189
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,726
It was nice meeting you,
Daphne, and, uh, Frasier.
190
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:24,104
Thanks for a lovely evening, Martin.
191
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,648
- I'll call you later.
- Yeah.
192
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,901
You couldn't have served bacon?
193
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,069
Me?
194
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,195
The way you were carrying on,
195
00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:33,573
I think we can be thankful
I didn't make toad in a hole.
196
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:39,703
Well, you handled that smoothly,
Dr. Crane.
197
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:40,621
I'm sorry, Dad.
198
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:43,332
It just really
caught me off guard.
199
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:45,542
Oh, that's okay. I ought to apologize.
200
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,712
I should have warned you, but...
201
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:51,883
But I really didn't think
it was gonna happen.
202
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:54,803
Pretty glad it did.
203
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,848
So you like Elaine?
204
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:00,934
I like Elaine.
205
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,148
So, Dad...
206
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,441
Yeah, yeah.
207
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,151
You're back on the beat.
208
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,112
All right.
209
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:16,448
- All right.
- Lock up your daughters.
210
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,867
- Yeah. Okay. Okay.
- Oh, come on, you old--
211
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,495
Frasier, don't push it.
212
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,543
We have Mary Ann on line four.
213
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:29,462
She's concerned about her daughter.
214
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:32,381
Hello, Mary Ann.
215
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,133
- I'm listening.
- Kids!
216
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:37,387
You can't live with them,
you can't shove them back in the womb.
217
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:43,935
Well, as we try to forget
the image that summons up...
218
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:47,355
how can I help you, Mary Ann?
219
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,732
Well, two days ago, Judy, my 22-year-old,
220
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:53,235
arrived home for a visit
with her boyfriend.
221
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:56,280
I insisted that they sleep
in separate bedrooms.
222
00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:59,575
She got furious with me and
she's been giving me dirty looks all week.
223
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:02,244
- Am I completely out of line here?
- Not at all.
224
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:05,122
I think that, uh, in your own house
you make up the rules.
225
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,665
- Thank you.
- But...
226
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:10,420
Are we sure there isn't
something else going on here?
227
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:14,464
Perhaps you're having a problem
thinking of your daughter as an adult.
228
00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:16,717
You see, we all have a tendency
229
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:19,971
to freeze people in roles
with which we are most comfortable.
230
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,933
Especially when it comes
to that old bugaboo, sex.
231
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,810
You know, let me use myself as an example.
232
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,187
Um, as many of you know,
233
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:31,440
my 63-year-old father
recently moved in with me,
234
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,649
and this morning, over coffee,
235
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,110
I discovered that he had spent the night
in his room
236
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,405
with a delightful creature named Elaine.
237
00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:41,700
Well, the entire episode
completely unnerved me.
238
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:42,659
Why?
239
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:47,123
Because I had never thought of my father
as a man with normal sexual urges.
240
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,293
To me, he was always just plain old Dad.
241
00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:52,669
Well, that's absurd.
242
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,839
I mean, my father is a witty, virile,
charming man,
243
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,468
possessed with the hereditary
Crane good looks.
244
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:01,345
I suppose what I'm driving at
245
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:06,434
is that sexuality is a healthy part
of adulthood at any age.
246
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,853
I think it's time that we embraced that,
don't you, Mary Ann?
247
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,897
Sorry, Dr. Crane, I've gotta go.
248
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,858
I'm hearing noises from the guest room.
249
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:18,362
Well, as Mary Ann rushes to the guest room
with a bucket of ice water,
250
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:19,864
we will pause for these messages.
251
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:25,160
Hey, Frasier.
That was a really good show.
252
00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:26,912
Well, thank you. I thought so too.
253
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:29,373
Hi, Dr. Crane. Hi, Roz.
254
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:30,917
Hi, Noel.
255
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:34,461
- I had a great time last night.
- Me too.
256
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:37,173
I made you this spice rack.
257
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:44,973
I specially treated the back
for easy wall adhesion.
258
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:49,101
That was very thoughtful of you, Noel.
259
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:52,814
Well, um, I gotta run.
I'll call you later.
260
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,108
Live long and prosper.
261
00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:00,570
Oh, look, there's a place for cumin.
262
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,073
Most people overlook that.
263
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,326
Just kill me.
264
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,496
I don't understand it.
265
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:11,581
Why would he say something like that
on the radio?
266
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:14,794
Did you know, when you get angry,
your ears turn red?
267
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:17,297
See? There they go.
268
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:21,134
Evening everyone.
269
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:23,720
I'll be going to me room right now.
270
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:28,975
Hello, Eddie.
271
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,690
Well, I seem to have cleared the room.
272
00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:39,359
- I wanna talk to you, mister.
- Uh-oh.
273
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,528
Sounds like someone's being
taken out behind the woodshed.
274
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,988
Don't tempt me.
275
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,073
Where do you get off
talking about my personal life
276
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:46,783
on your radio program?
277
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,702
Are you discussing what I said
about you and Elaine?
278
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:51,330
You're damn right I am.
I've never been so embarrassed in my life.
279
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:54,082
- Dad, everything I said was flattering.
- Oh, yeah.
280
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:57,085
Telling all of Seattle about your old dad
shacking up with the neighbor lady.
281
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,838
Come on, you old swordsman.
I thought you'd get a kick out of it.
282
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,548
Knock it off, Frasier.
283
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:03,885
Thanks to you,
Elaine won't even talk to me anymore.
284
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,888
What for? Just because of
a harmless remark I made on the radio?
285
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:10,140
Hey, for your information,
people of our generation
286
00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:12,017
think that sex is a private thing.
287
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,478
And I still think that's
a pretty healthy way of looking at it.
288
00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:17,607
Sex is something between you
and the person you're doing it to.
289
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:27,032
Well, don't you-- Don't you think
she's overreacting a little?
290
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,742
Put yourself in her place.
291
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:30,994
She takes a chance
and spends the night with me.
292
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:33,789
Next thing she knows,
it's being broadcast all over Seattle.
293
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,625
I mean, her friends heard it
and called her.
294
00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,460
She's so embarrassed
she hasn't been out all day.
295
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:40,253
She won't even answer the phone now.
296
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:43,590
- I'm sorry, Dad.
- Your sympathy touches me.
297
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:46,593
Well, look, look. I caused the problem,
and I will take care of it.
298
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:49,305
Yeah, well, I'll be in my room
holding my breath.
299
00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:59,690
I said I'd take care of it.
300
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:04,778
I hate my voice.
301
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:08,740
I mean, I know no one
likes the sound of their own voice,
302
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,451
especially when they hear it on tape
303
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:15,622
because it doesn't sound as good
as it does in their own head,
304
00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:18,209
but I hate my voice in my head too.
305
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:22,504
You can't get away from
your own voice either, you know.
306
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:25,924
I've tried
not listening to myself when I talk.
307
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:30,012
But I find myself kind of saying things
that don't make a lot of sense.
308
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:35,767
I hate my voice so much,
I had to call a neighbor in
309
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:39,063
to do the message
on my answering machine.
310
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:44,026
I don't like his voice very much either,
but it's better than mine.
311
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,279
Not that I get a lot of calls either.
312
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,822
Well, you go figure.
313
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:51,159
Any advice, Dr. Crane?
314
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,829
Oh, yes, yes.
Just, uh, go on with what you're doing
315
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:58,124
and, uh, everything
should turn out all right.
316
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:00,543
Thank you for your call.
317
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:07,592
Now, I'd like to end today's show
on something of a personal note.
318
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:10,636
I'm talking to one person in my audience.
319
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:12,722
Elaine.
320
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:16,142
You wouldn't answer my phone calls.
You wouldn't come to the door.
321
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:18,227
So I hope you're listening.
322
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:23,523
And if you are, I want to apologize
for what I said on the radio.
323
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:25,609
I took something
that was of a private nature
324
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,444
and turned it into public knowledge.
325
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:31,823
I promise I will never do that again.
Well, except for this time.
326
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,493
Then I promise I'll never do it again.
327
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,496
You see, the saddest thing is, Elaine,
that, uh...
328
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,249
Dad is paying for my mistake.
329
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:53,971
Elaine...
330
00:16:56,766 --> 00:17:01,020
Martin cares for you
and he misses you very much.
331
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:06,025
More than anything in the world
he'd like to be back together with you.
332
00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:09,362
And if you feel for him
the way he feels for you,
333
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,905
I hope you'll find it in your heart
334
00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:15,117
to come to my place tonight
at 8:00 for dinner.
335
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,995
A very romantic dinner.
336
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:20,373
Thanks, Elaine.
337
00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:26,128
This is KACL 780 AM, talk radio,
338
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,506
and I'm Frasier Crane,
339
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:31,259
the love doctor.
340
00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:39,766
♪ Moon River... ♪
341
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,894
Ah, well, the champagne's chilled.
342
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,980
Platter of hors d'oeuvres.
How are things in the kitchen?
343
00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:47,482
The roast is out of the oven.
It looks beautiful.
344
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,234
God, I hope this works, Daphne.
345
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:52,280
Well, I've been sending Elaine
psychic messages all day.
346
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,532
You're kidding. You can transmit?
347
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,242
I thought you were just a receiver.
348
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,786
Well, I'm giving it a try.
349
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:05,000
You know, "Elaine in 1410,
come to dinner, come to dinner."
350
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:07,502
That's very charming, Daphne,
but Elaine's in 1412.
351
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:08,420
Oh, dear.
352
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,673
I guess I'd better set
an extra place at the table then.
353
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:15,010
Ah, look.
It's 8:00, and I'm still a pumpkin.
354
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:17,971
Dad, it is two minutes to 8.
Why don't you just sit down and relax?
355
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,139
Oh, this is stupid.
356
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:21,224
She probably didn't even hear your show.
357
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,351
Does this tie go with the jacket?
358
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:24,853
You look smashing.
359
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:27,022
Who the hell am I kidding?
She's not gonna show up.
360
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,440
I don't know why I even...
361
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,611
May I just suggest we skip
the first course, which is crow,
362
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,487
and move directly
into the hors d'oeuvres?
363
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:35,948
Just shut up and answer the door.
364
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,537
Excuse me, is this the Crane residence?
365
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:43,705
Yes, it is.
366
00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:47,042
Well, we've been waiting here
for the last 15 minutes.
367
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,835
Did Elaine show up, or did we miss her?
368
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:50,879
Who are all you people?
369
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,964
We heard your show today.
370
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,966
Oh, it was so romantic.
371
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,509
We all have our fingers crossed.
372
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:59,179
- That's very kind.
- I'm Marjorie from down on 11.
373
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:00,889
- Hello, Marjorie.
- And this is Norman.
374
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,683
- Hello, Norman.
- The rest of these people, I don't know.
375
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:04,518
Nice to see you.
376
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,520
Tony. Tony, What are you doing here?
377
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:08,980
Shouldn't you be watching the door?
378
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,607
Don't worry. We're all locked in.
379
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,234
I have got to find out how this ends, doc.
380
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,819
What's going on out here?
381
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,030
Oh, is this Martin?
382
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,368
People. People, please.
Don't you have lives of your own?
383
00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:24,162
- For God's sake. Please scoot. Scat.
- What's happening here?
384
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,915
It's a private situation.
385
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:29,542
That's her.
386
00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:30,670
Oh, my God!
387
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:34,589
- Please, please, come out here.
- No. I'm going home.
388
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:36,675
Dad. Dad, you come in here.
389
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,343
All right, now, everybody back off.
390
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:40,095
Just back off. Just give us some time.
391
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,889
- Please. Please.
- I knew I should never have come up here.
392
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:45,392
- Nothing's changed.
- Please let me try to explain.
393
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:47,769
- You've done enough.
- Oh, Dad, please.
394
00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,104
Frasier, over there.
395
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:50,271
I... Dad!
396
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:51,232
Turn around.
397
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:54,443
Ah!
398
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,365
Look, Elaine,
I'm sorry about what happened.
399
00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:01,951
You've got every right to be mad.
400
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,870
But I thought what we had was pretty good.
401
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:08,666
And thanks to radio boy here,
I think most of Seattle agrees with me.
402
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:13,337
I'd sure hate us to lose it
just because of one stupid thing.
403
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:16,632
Come on, Elaine.
404
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:19,760
I had a great time on our date
the other night.
405
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,304
You don't feel the same way?
406
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,850
You may not remember,
but I have warm toes.
407
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:32,189
Anyway, it's your choice.
408
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,359
But I sure wish you'd come
and have dinner with me.
409
00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:54,253
Who said you could turn around?
410
00:20:57,548 --> 00:20:59,800
Look. It's coming back up.
411
00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:02,178
Aw!
412
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:08,057
All right, everyone.
You had your fun. Show's over.
413
00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:10,101
Nothing more to see.
Go back to your homes.
414
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,020
Yes, please, folks.
Honor what the man says.
415
00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:14,647
Thank you so much for coming.
Thank you for your concern.
416
00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:15,607
Thank you so much.
417
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,650
Let's expedite this departure,
please, if you would.
418
00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:18,569
Thank you so much.
419
00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:21,155
Goodbye.
420
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:25,241
Well, I suppose
we should give them their privacy.
421
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:26,993
Yes, yes, I suppose you're right.
422
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:27,952
Mm.
423
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,329
It's ironic, isn't it?
424
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:31,289
My 63-year-old father with a bum hip
425
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:34,043
is about to embark
on a night of romance
426
00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:37,755
while the two of us, man and woman,
427
00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:41,592
both attractive and eligible
and in the prime of our lives
428
00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:44,552
with nothing to do on a Saturday night.
429
00:21:44,553 --> 00:21:45,512
Mm.
430
00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:49,058
You know, the answer to our problems
might be right under our noses.
431
00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:52,728
Yes, Daphne, I think it is.
432
00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:56,147
All right, you go claim
the washing machines.
433
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,316
I'll go get the laundry.
434
00:21:58,108 --> 00:21:58,943
Right.
435
00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:14,500
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin'
Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
436
00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:15,960
Mercy!
437
00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:19,254
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
438
00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:21,589
♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
439
00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:23,758
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
440
00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:25,385
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
441
00:22:25,386 --> 00:22:28,931
♪ With those toss salads
And scrambled eggs ♪
442
00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:32,351
♪ They're callin' again ♪
443
00:22:33,394 --> 00:22:36,271
Scrambled eggs all over my face.
444
00:22:36,272 --> 00:22:37,815
What is a boy to do?
445
00:22:40,234 --> 00:22:41,652
Thank you!