So I just had to get out of the house.
Maris' junior league is rehearsing their spring musicale.
This year they're doing Cats.
For the past week and a half I've been watching two dozen
underweight, tightly-pulled women in leotards
crawling around the music room, meowing.
I'm telling you, Frasier, my allergies are acting up.
Oh, Niles, I think you're exaggerating.
No, really, you have no idea how vivid the experience is.
As God is my judge, I swear Mrs. Presley Bismouth
was scent marking the divan.
God, you'd think women of that age would choose more suitable material.
Remember the last show they did, The Sound of Music?
My God, half the Von Trapp children were having hot flashes.
Hi, Frasier. Niles.
Let me guess. The wacky gang from the office?
Everyone, this is my brother, Niles. This is Teddy, one of our engineers.
- Teddy, my man. - Niles.
This is KACL's own inimitable Chopper Dave.
- Your eye in the sky for traffic. - Nice to meet you, Niles.
- Why is this man yelling? - Oh, was I yelling?
Oh, God, I was yelling again, wasn't I?
I'm sorry. Talking over the blades.
You know,
That's great. This has been kind of fun. Uh...
But I really have to go.
I'm conducting a seminar in multiple personality disorders,
and it takes me forever to fill out the name tags.
Well, KACL team, what is on the agenda for today?
Sit down and listen to this.
I got a juicy piece of news, and it's reliable.
Allen in Accounting got it from Steven in Promotions
who got it from Cindy in Sales
who got it from Arlene, the station secretary,
that the station is definitely way over budget
and somebody's getting the ax.
But don't tell anybody. I was sworn to secrecy.
Roz, I'm ashamed of you. Gossip, gossip, gossip.
Don't you realize how destructive it can be?
It sullies good people's names,
and create an atmosphere of suspicion and mistrust.
Oh, lighten up!
Gossip is the lifeblood of the corporate world.
If it wasn't for gossip, we wouldn't know any of the important things.
Like how much everybody makes.
You know my salary?
No one's salary's a secret around here.
- Ninety-four, 95, 96, 97... - Hey, Bulldog, how's it going?
Great. Ninety-eight, 99, 100. New high for me.
Squeezing or counting?
Java to go.
You know who I think's getting dumped?
Father Mike from Religion on the Line.
No way. Station loves him. Just gave him a big bonus.
Hey. Where's my tickets to the Sonics game?
They were here just a second ago.
Somebody stole my tickets to the Sonics game!
This stinks! This is total BS!
- This is... - Oh, got them. Got them.
Hey, you guys don't think it's Bulldog who's getting canned?
- Could be. - No, no, no.
He's the stations highest-rated personality,
with the exception of women between 35 to 54
who think that I'm sort of a god.
But he has been in that salary beef with management.
And I heard him screaming at Business Affairs
for putting his expense account on hold.
Oh, yeah! Bulldog's out!
Shh!
Hey, have you heard my new gimmick for the show?
If the Seahawks beat Buffalo this Sunday,
I promise to do my entire show hanging by my feet.
Gee, you can do that?
Oh, sure. Practiced all morning. The real trick is drinking coffee.
I keep burning my eyes.
Hey, Dave, you want my tickets to the Sonics game tonight?
Thanks. Why aren't you going?
Station manager wants to see me after work.
Ooh.
Oh, people, people, you're jumping to conclusions.
Show a little respect.
Bulldog has devoted 15 years of his life to radio.
My own personal feelings aside,
the man deserves better than to become the object of some rumor
that as yet hasn't a shred of truth to it.
Yeah, I suppose you're right.
Yes, well, just in case, I've got dibs on his parking space.
Dr. Crane, we have Don on his car phone.
He's having a problem with his weight.
Hmm.
Don, it's a common problem. I'm listening.
Ah, it's the screwiest thing, doc. I eat healthy. I work out.
But no matter what I do, I can't lose a pound.
It's very depressing.
Yes, well, losing weight can be a lifelong struggle.
Takes a commitment.
If you're ready to accept that, there are a number of things I can suggest--
May I take your order, please?
Um, Don, what was that?
Oh, nothing. It was the radio. Oh, go ahead. You, you were talking.
Don, where are you?
I'm just driving around.
Please, speak into the clown's mouth.
Don...
Sorry, Dr. Crane. Oh, I'm gonna lose you.
I'm going into a tunnel. Goodbye.
Yes, and the light at the end of that tunnel
is a heat lamp over a large order of fries.
We'll be right back after the news.
Hey, Frasier, I gotta run up to Payroll.
- Be back in five. - Okay.
Oh, hi, Father Mike.
- Oh, hello, Frasier. Fine. - How're you doing?
Say, I just heard a rumor that somebody around here is being let go.
Do you know anything about that?
Because, to tell you the truth, I'm afraid it might be me.
Oh, Father, you should know better than to put any stock in idle office gossip.
I know, I know, but it's hard not to. My numbers have been down lately.
They keep changing my time slot. I'm really bummed.
Well, listen, Father,
I don't like to engage in gossip, but you have nothing to worry about.
Yes? Why?
Well, someone is being let go. But it's not you.
It's Bulldog.
- Bulldog! Oh, what a shame. - Yes.
Has anybody spoken for his parking space?
Well, I have.
Yes.
So I'm a goner, huh?
Bulldog! How long have you been...?
Long enough to know I'm the one who's out.
I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
Oh, damn it!
Now I know why Ned Miller wants to see me after work.
It's to can my butt.
Why would he be willing to miss happy hour at El Paquito's?
The man is a total boozer!
Now, now. This is just a rumor. You know how out of the loop I am.
And after all I've done for this station, this is how they repay me!
That's it! Nobody fires Bob Brisco.
- I'll quit first. - Now, now, don't do anything rash.
Now listen, I suggest you just try to vent your anger first.
Well, there, way to go.
- Now, on your way. - You're damn right.
- Hey, Bulldog. - No time to talk, slim. I'm off to war.
Wait for me.
What was that?
- Bulldog's quitting. - Why?
Well, because Ned Miller is firing him.
- Who told you that? - You did.
That was just a rumor. You didn't tell him that, did you?
Oh, I didn't mean to. He overheard me.
Oh, God!
What? I mean, come on, you guys were so positive.
The expense account thing, meeting with management at 5.
That meeting was to discuss taking his show national.
Don't you know anything that goes on around here?
Apparently not!
Don't stand there. Call his secretary. She'll stop him before he gets in.
I don't believe this! This is incredible.
Yes, hello, hello, Arlene, Arlene.
Yes, listen, Bob Brisco's about to jump into the office and...
Oh, he did. Oh.
God, he's already burst into the office with Miller.
- Oh, God, this is a disaster. - Maybe not.
Maybe before Bulldog starts anything,
Miller will tell him what the meeting was really about.
Oh, I suppose you're right.
Yeah, they may be having a good laugh about this right now.
Yeah.
Grab that mike. We're after the news in one minute.
I did it! I scorched him!
You should've seen the look on his face.
I told him about the time his wife came on to me at the Christmas party.
I said there wasn't enough liquor in the world to make me sleep with that porker.
- You said that? - Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
He even took a swing at me.
I gave him a little okey-dokey. He hit air!
My God! The man tried to strike you! Listen--
Hey. Hey! No sudden moves, doc.
I'm still too pumped. I feel like popping someone.
My God, my God, this is unbelievable.
A man has quit his job just because of a rumor that you spread!
Me?
The point of gossip is to talk behind the persons back, not in front of him.
I didn't realize you were unclear on this concept!
I'm a bad, bad man.
Well, Frasier, you have got to do something.
You've gotta call Ned Miller and get this whole thing cleared up.
"Call Ned Miller. Clear this thing up." The man is totally unstable.
He tried to take a swing at me the day he hired me.
Oh, I just heard a hot rumor. Bulldog quit!
- No kidding. - But keep it under your hat.
Very hush, hush.
Oh, Niles, what brings you here?
Well, I was hoping Daphne could take a look at this plant.
I bought it for Maris, but it unaccountably turned against her.
I thought Daphne was the perfect person to nurse it back to health
with her soft, sensual hands and her loving manner.
Is she here?
No, she stepped out. I don't know when she'll be back.
- Well, I'm off. - Well, hey, you can stay.
I haven't seen you for a while. We can visit.
Uh--
Well, yes, we could, couldn't we?
- So, how are you? - Fine.
- You? - Fine.
She's fine.
Pickle?
No, thanks.
Look, Niles, if you just came to see Daphne, you don't have to stay.
Dad, I can't believe you would say that to your own son.
I am deeply insulted.
Here I wanted to have some time with you, but now I'm so upset I'll have to leave.
Oh, hello, Dr. Crane. Staying for dinner?
Yes, love to.
Daphne, I had the fervent hope that you could coax this back to life.
It's one of Maris' favorites.
My goodness, what did she do to it?
Nothing. Just loved it.
God, do you believe this weather?
I'm glad you're home. What happened to Bulldog?
Who told you?
Nobody told me anything.
I tuned into the Gonzo Sports Show today like I always do,
and they had Father Mike filling in.
I hate that.
All it was, was Notre Dame, Notre Dame, Notre Dame.
Yes, well, Bulldog tendered his resignation.
Oh, no!
Why would he do that? He's the top sports guy in town.
Yeah, you know, things just go funny sometimes.
It's a tough business, this radio game, you know?
Dr. Crane, I'm picking up something from you.
You're shrouded in an aura of guilt.
Maybe I am.
Daphne, that's fantastic. Do me. Do me.
No, I'm on to something here.
You actually think you're responsible for Bulldog losing his job.
- Frasier? - All right, all right.
There was a rumor going around the station that Bulldog was gonna get sacked,
I was repeating it to someone and he overheard me
and flew off the handle and went up and quit his job.
In the end, it turned out that the rumor wasn't true.
Of course, you already knew that, didn't you?
Oh, excuse me.
Hello. Maris.
Maris, what's wrong?
Oh, pumpkin, it's all right. No, no, everything's going to be...
Oh, dear. I'm sorry, I have to go. Maris is despondent.
They've kicked her out of the cast of Cats.
Why?
She couldn't remember the words to "Memory."
Now, listen here, if you're responsible for Bulldog losing his job,
you gotta make this right.
Go to that station to talk to the boss and get him his job back.
That's easier said than done.
Ned Miller's the most intimidating, heartless, mean-spirited man
I've ever met.
And he cheats on his wife.
My goodness, I'm on today. Ooh.
So you sold Bulldog down the river
just because you don't have the guts to go and face this guy?
This might be the best thing that ever happened to him.
He's always talking about how he should be in a larger market
like Los Angeles or New York.
Eddie, just scoot. Scat!
Stay.
- Bulldog. - Hi, doc.
What are you doing just standing there?
I don't know.
I was trying to decide whether or not I should bother you.
See, my life is kind of over, but you got company, so I'll go.
No, no, no, come in, come in. This is just family.
This is my dad and Daphne Moon.
- Hello. - Hey, Bulldog!
You're soaking wet.
Yeah, I've been wandering around the streets for the last few hours.
I heard what happened.
You haven't heard the half of it.
My girlfriend threw me out.
She said the only reason she was with me was because I was on the radio.
Can you believe that?
Eight years we've been together.
I loved that woman.
Even when I was tomcatting around, I loved that woman.
God, that job was my life, and now I've been blackballed in this business,
and all because of my stupid temper.
What is this, anyway?
Oh, that, that's an exceedingly rare fertility symbol
from a small nomadic tribe in Ghana.
I guess when they were passing out equipment,
this guy was in the back of the line.
Anyway, I might as well face it, I'm just a loser.
I'm a zero, a nothing, a has-been.
Pickle?
Now I'm not familiar with your work myself,
but Mr. Crane here often puts off his nightly bath
just so he can hear your show.
Oh, yeah, you're the greatest, Bulldog.
If you weren't on the radio, I wouldn't have a radio.
That's a nice thing to say.
Now I know why your son is such a great guy.
Hey, uh, I've bothered you people enough.
I better go.
The good rooms at the Y fill up early.
Wait, Bulldog, I can't let you leave like this.
Here's a 20.
Oh, all right, why don't you spend the night and you can take the couch.
- Wow. You'd do that for me? - Well, sure.
What's the point of having a suede couch unless you have people crashing on it?
Thanks, doc.
Hey, I hope it's okay, but I could really use a hot shower.
Oh, sure, sure.
Down the hall. Second door on the left.
Towels are in the cabinet.
Now you two just leave me alone.
This is not my fault.
Look, I am not responsible for Bulldog going up there
and popping off to the boss.
You can stare at me until you're blue in the face.
I am not gonna go see Ned Miller.
Well, all right!
I'll go down to that station.
I will talk to the monster on the sixth floor
and futilely attempt to get a man back his job that I don't even care for,
and in the process I will probably end up spitting out my teeth like Chiclets.
Is there anything else I can do for you?
Oh, if you're going by the market, we're low on dog food.
What? What?
- Mr. Miller... - Oh, it's you, Crane.
- Arlene wasn't at her desk. - No, I had to let her go.
A lot of stuff she's been doing lately has been ticking me off.
Well, if this is a bad time...
No, it's a perfect time. I need you to hold this.
Come on. Now.
Jeez. Come on.
Okay. How's this?
I'd love to tell you, but your big head's in the way.
Oh, put it down.
Oh, my Lord, what happened here?
Oh, that psycho Bulldog and I got into it this afternoon.
He threw my Golden Mic at me.
He did that with your little trophy?
No, he just chipped the paint with the trophy.
I did that with his head.
- Uh, that's sort of why I'm here. - Drink?
No, no, thank you, Mr. Miller.
I know that Bulldog was up here, and he said some things to you.
I'll say he said some things.
You wanna hear them? I tape everything in this office.
Well, anyway, a lot of what he said was my fault, you see.
Well, you see, I heard a rumor
that management was thinking about lightening the load a bit.
Well, I heard that it was Bulldog that was gonna get sacked. And I...
I was repeating a rumor to someone, and Bulldog heard me.
And that's why he came up here and started telling you--
That I'm a drunk. That I'm incompetent at my job.
That my wife is a big, fat slut.
That is indefensible. Your wife is not overweight!
Well, uh...
Well, anyway, my point is that, uh...
I'd like you to consider giving Bulldog his job back.
And whatever the consequences to me, I'm willing to accept it.
Look, I won't kid you.
Bulldog meant big numbers to us in drive time.
We need him back.
I'll tell you what.
You get him to apologize to me.
Oh, hell, why don't I just say it?
If he'll kiss my ass, maybe we can work something out.
Oh, sir, I'm sure that'll make him so happy.
Um-- Well, I'll just get out of your hair.
Actually, Crane, that rumor about someone being let go...
- it's, uh, true. - What?
Now that you've so nobly gotten Bulldog his job back,
the station still needs to make some cutbacks in those high-priced salaries.
God, not Father Mike! Oh, no.
No, it's not Father Mike.
Chopper Dave?
Ray the Green Grocer?
Bonnie "The Auto Lady" Weems?
Look, Crane, you're new to the radio game.
I've been around a long time.
People get fired,
but they always get back on their feet.
So I bet I could get you that drink now.
Yes, I bet you could.
Help yourself.
Ned Miller!
Yo, Jack! No, what's wrong?
Come on, tell me now.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Yeah, I see.
No, no, no, I...
I got it.
Thanks, Jack.
Excuse me.
- Bad news? - Oh, you could say that.
I've just been fired.
They decided the best way to cut the budget was to get rid of my high salary.
Oh, Ned, I...
I'm so sorry.
Then I guess this means that my job is still safe then?
Yeah, I guess so.
Well, you know, Ned...
I haven't been in the radio game that long...
but I've been around long enough to know that people get fired.
And when they do, they always seem to land on their feet.
Now, I've known quite a few people and counseled them
who have suffered similar setbacks, but in time you will embrace this.
Learn to think of it as, oh, a new chapter.
You know, in theatrical circles,
they always say, "Every exit is but an entrance to somewhere else."
God, I wish I had fired you when I had the chance.
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' Tossed salad and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ Oh, my ♪
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
♪ With those tossed salads And scrambled eggs ♪
♪ They're callin' again ♪
♪ Good night! ♪