1 00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:03,670 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:13,722 [man] Well, I had a really good year. I decided, hey, why not reward myself? 3 00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:17,184 So, I bought what I really wanted, a 48-foot cabin cruiser. 4 00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:19,937 You know how much it cost me? I'll tell you how much it cost me. 5 00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:23,565 Three hundred grand, not to mention the 20,000 for the custom teak decking. 6 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:24,733 Now here's my problem, 7 00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:29,571 the wife wants to call this incredible vessel "Lulubelle" after her mother. 8 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:33,033 "Lulubelle!" So, I said, "No, we call it "The intrepid." 9 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:36,870 So, what do you think it should be called, "Lulubelle" or "The intrepid"? 10 00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:42,584 Roger, at Cornell University, 11 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:45,504 they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment 12 00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:49,466 known as the Tunneling Electron Microscope. 13 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:53,345 Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons 14 00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:56,682 you can actually see images of the atom, 15 00:00:56,682 --> 00:01:00,686 the infinitesimally minute building block of our universe. 16 00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:03,480 Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, 17 00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:07,818 I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. 18 00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:13,991 Thank you for your call. 19 00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:19,371 And now, hungry for Chinese tonight? 20 00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:23,000 I always... Uh, I'm sorry, we're experiencing technical difficulties. 21 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,544 Let's go to a prerecorded commercial message. 22 00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:31,675 Roz, why did you hand me this copy? I don't do personal endorsements. 23 00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:33,093 What is the big deal? 24 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:36,597 - All the other personalities do them. - The other personalities aren't doctors. 25 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:39,224 If I allow myself to become a common pitchman, 26 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:40,892 I'll lose all my credibility. 27 00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:43,478 I am a Wise Man, a Shaman. 28 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,147 Zip up your fly, Wise Man. 29 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:51,528 Whoa! Doc! This is a radio studio, not a bus terminal. 30 00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:56,074 Look who's here, Roz, Noel Coward. 31 00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:58,952 Listen, Bulldog, I hate to mix business with revulsion, 32 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,204 but Frasier, as usual, will not do this promo. 33 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,205 I'd love to. 34 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:04,166 - Great. I need it done now. - No problem. 35 00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:08,712 Doc. Doc. With all due respect, you're an idiot. 36 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,340 These promos are easy money. 37 00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:14,301 The money is irrelevant. It's a question of integrity. 38 00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:15,302 Integrity. 39 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:16,803 Hello! 40 00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:21,350 We're talking mucho dinero. 41 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:25,729 But hey, the more you turn these down, the more Liver Snaps for the Bulldog. 42 00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:26,647 [barks] 43 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,610 What is this with my name on it here, Roz? 44 00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:35,572 That's the contract for Hunan Palace gig. That's how much they were gonna pay you. 45 00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:38,533 I guess I need to have them change the name on here to Bulldog's. 46 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,577 They pay you that money just to read some copy? 47 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:44,164 Yeah. Of course, Bulldog usually adds his own special touch. 48 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,457 [bangs gong] 49 00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:51,588 [in Chinese accent] Ooh. So you will come chop-chop to Hunan Palace 50 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:55,676 where Peking Duck is always extra crispy. 51 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,344 [crinkling] 52 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,013 [blowing duck caller] 53 00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:09,898 We're gonna get sued this time for sure. 54 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,489 [keys jingling, then door opens] 55 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:20,909 Damn it! 56 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:24,162 I just put a dent in my front bumper when I pulled into my parking space. 57 00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:26,665 What happened to that tennis ball I hung over my space 58 00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:27,958 so I wouldn't pull up too far? 59 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,303 He was bored. He needed a toy. 60 00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,764 Hey, go ahead and throw it. He'll run and get it for you. 61 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,903 He didn't think that was funny and he knows where you sleep. 62 00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:01,408 Dad, Daphne, a situation has arisen over at work 63 00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:04,077 and I'm not sure how it should be handled. 64 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:08,081 I was hoping maybe your objective viewpoint could be helpful. 65 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,416 Sure. Shoot. 66 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:12,002 Well, what would you think if I did a commercial 67 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,962 and publicly endorsed a product? 68 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,839 Oh, you mean like Cher does? 69 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,843 Thank you, Daphne. One against. Dad? 70 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,180 What's the product? 71 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:26,475 Well, the station wanted me to do a commercial for a Chinese restaurant. 72 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:27,434 What's the problem? 73 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:30,479 Well, I hold a position of trust in this community. 74 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,481 People do what I tell them to 75 00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:35,233 and I would hate to be accused of abusing that position. 76 00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:39,446 The thought of a doctor selling things is kind of distasteful, isn't it? 77 00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,740 What about Dr. Sneezy's cold medicine? 78 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,995 Dr. Sneezy is a cartoon character. 79 00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:51,124 The fact that he's a giant purple hippopotamus 80 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,043 probably should have tipped you off. 81 00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,379 I say take the money and run. 82 00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,215 Well, I'm tempted, if for no other reason 83 00:04:58,215 --> 00:05:01,718 than to keep Bulldog from further alienating the Asian-American community. 84 00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:05,555 But I just wanna make sure that I don't compromise my principles. 85 00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:10,310 Dr. Crane, you've dedicated your life to helping people, haven't you? 86 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,561 Well, yes. 87 00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:14,439 Well, suppose one of your listeners was in a quandary 88 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,900 over where to find good Chinese food. 89 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,069 Wouldn't your commercial be helping them? 90 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,404 Why don't you just go down there. 91 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:24,241 If you like the food, do the commercial. If you don't, don't. 92 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,326 I suppose that's the logical approach. 93 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,745 Why don't the three of us go tonight. I'll make a call. 94 00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:31,164 I'd better make the reservations under a different name. 95 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,666 I don't want any special treatment. 96 00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:37,838 I just want to be treated like I'm just an average working Joe. 97 00:05:39,214 --> 00:05:40,715 Good evening. Yes, yes. 98 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:43,593 We'd like a reservation for three this evening at 8. 99 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,055 Oh, nothing until 10? Oh. 100 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,975 Oh, well, then, um... 101 00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,477 this is Dr. Frasier Crane... 102 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,565 from the radio and... 103 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,984 Yes, I thought you might. Thank you. 104 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,571 We're in at 9:45. 105 00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:10,370 Did I say "tasty"? 106 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:14,583 "Tasty" doesn't do justice to those succulent pot-stickers. 107 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:18,420 And the Kung Pao Chicken? Oh, don't get me started! 108 00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:22,132 So if you've got a yen for Chinese tonight, 109 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,009 hurry on down to the Hunan Palace. 110 00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,051 That's it for today. 111 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:30,307 This is Dr. Frasier Crane hoping we'll see you tomorrow on KACL 780 AM. 112 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,896 You know, Roz, I think I'm getting the knack for doing these promos. 113 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,899 Did you get the little ad-lib I made about the "yen" for Chinese food? 114 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:42,277 Yeah. By the way, "Yen" is Japanese, not Chinese. 115 00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:43,528 Well... 116 00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:48,533 I got a call from the owners of the Hunan Palace the other day. 117 00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,952 They said that since I started doing these commercials, 118 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,996 their business has gone by 30%. 119 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,081 Isn't that what advertising is supposed to do? 120 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,250 Yes, it is, Miss Sour-Britches. 121 00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,878 Give me a little credit. 122 00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:04,424 I've pleased the boy's upstairs, gotten strangers to try a new restaurant, 123 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:08,011 and most importantly, I've helped a struggling immigrant family 124 00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:10,555 who came to these shores a mere 12 years ago 125 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,390 with little more than a dream, 126 00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,185 a few recipes and a wok. 127 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:21,650 Dr. Crane? 128 00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:24,110 - What a privilege this is. - Excuse me? 129 00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:27,614 - Bebe glazer. I'm Bulldog Brisco's agent. - Oh. 130 00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,282 Oh, well, pleasure meeting you. 131 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:32,452 I'm not usually this forward, but I'm gonna come right out and say it. 132 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,955 I've done some research, and you're not represented by anyone. 133 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,790 How about signing on with me as a client? 134 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,625 If "no," it won't hurt my feelings. 135 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,085 Well, I really don't think so. 136 00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:41,127 Why? 137 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:45,215 It's not that I'm not flattered, Ms. glazer, 138 00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:48,927 but, um, you see, I'm not really a radio personality per se. 139 00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:52,430 Oh, come on, I've heard those spots you've done for that Chinese restaurant. 140 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:56,059 You make me want to stuff my face full of eggrolls and I don't know what. 141 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,897 Thank you. Uh... 142 00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:06,111 But, you see, I dine at the Hunan Palace frequently. 143 00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:07,988 That's the reason I did those commercials. 144 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,864 The last thing I would ever want you to do 145 00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,783 is advertise something you don't believe in. 146 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:14,077 I am an agent, not a pimp. 147 00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:18,331 - I don't mean to offend-- - Are you kidding? You're terrific. 148 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,625 You can't offend me. Let me leave you with my card. 149 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,044 - I don't think that's necessary. - Give me back my card. 150 00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:25,964 I will not let you call me. 151 00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:29,801 It is too refreshing to meet someone who isn't seduced by the almighty dollar. 152 00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:31,636 I would refuse your call. 153 00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:35,140 Ah! I've got to go fly to Palo Alto. 154 00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,683 My daughter's at Stanford. 155 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:38,351 Ah. 156 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,188 You don't have kids, do you? 157 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,857 Oh, yes, I have a 5-year-old son. 158 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,985 Oh, lucky you. You won't have to worry about it for years. 159 00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:50,655 - Worry about what? - Tuition, innocent. 160 00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:55,744 Ah, wait, I see. You're going to send him to a state college. 161 00:08:56,327 --> 00:09:00,623 Well, no, no, I had planned to send him to my alma mater, Harvard. 162 00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:01,541 Ouch. 163 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,419 Kiss it and make it better. 164 00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:10,842 Have you seen Business week's projections for college costs the year 2010? 165 00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:11,718 [shouts] 166 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:17,057 Oh! I've gotta go. That plane is not going to wait for little Bebe. 167 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,934 You know, maybe we should talk some time. 168 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,145 Let's talk now. 169 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,689 I think I can die peacefully 170 00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:27,859 without seeing the first half of the Stanford/Cal game. 171 00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:30,153 You see, it's not that I object to doing commercials, 172 00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:34,074 it's just that I would have to try a product first before I could endorse it. 173 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,327 Dr. Crane, I wouldn't have it any other way. 174 00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:41,998 [hot tub bubbling] 175 00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,462 Tell me again why I'm here? 176 00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:48,880 Because if I do the commercial, 177 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,091 I have to say that my friends and family enjoy this 178 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,759 and I won't say it unless it's true. 179 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,637 I feel kind of silly sitting here in the showroom. 180 00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:58,890 Well, I apologize for that, but it's the best place to try one. 181 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:03,269 So, tell me the truth, aren't you two enjoying this? 182 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,022 Well, I do like the bubbles. 183 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:08,900 It's a little like sitting in hot champagne. 184 00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,902 Not that I've done that very much. 185 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:16,574 Dad, this unit is made from the same heat-resistant space-age polymer 186 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,409 that's used on space shuttles. 187 00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:21,579 Next time I'm re-entering the Earth's atmosphere in a hot tub 188 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:22,831 I won't have to worry. 189 00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:26,793 Well, do you like it? 190 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,464 I have to admit, it's making my hip feel a little better. 191 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,799 That's all I needed to hear. 192 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:35,635 My friends like it. My family likes it. I like it. 193 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:39,305 I can do the commercial and Frederick can go to Harvard. 194 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:44,602 Oh, my God. isn't that Dave Hendler from our building? 195 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:47,856 You know, he's the head of the Seattle Psychiatric Association. 196 00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:53,236 That's not Dave Hendler. 197 00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:58,032 Shh. Don't worry about it. Enjoy the quiet while you can. 198 00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:05,665 [easy listening music playing] 199 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,959 [Frasier on recording] Gentle bubbles, soothing bubbles. 200 00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:10,753 Bubbles that will ease your aching body. 201 00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:12,088 This is Dr. Frasier Crane. 202 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,799 In these pressure-packed times, 203 00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:19,762 what could be better than a warm, relaxing dip in a Redwood Hot Tub? 204 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:24,100 Let Redwood's patented Ultra-Blow air system surround your body. 205 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,685 My family and friends like it... 206 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,103 - That's us. - Shh! 207 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:28,438 ...and you'll like it too. 208 00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:32,483 And if you act quickly, you'll receive a complimentary scum guard. 209 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,114 So hurry down to your local Redwood Hot Tub dealer. 210 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,325 Say Frasier Crane sent you. 211 00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:42,785 Well, what did you think? 212 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,205 I could almost smell the chlorine. 213 00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:47,415 Dad, how about you? 214 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,625 [Martin] I liked it. 215 00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,710 - Really? - Yeah. I liked it. 216 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,504 - You really, really liked it? - No. I liked it. 217 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,381 Well, what was wrong with it? 218 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,217 - Nothing. - You hated it didn't you? 219 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,968 Yeah. Good night, Frasier. 220 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:01,804 [doorbell rings] 221 00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,396 - Hello, darling. - Bebe. 222 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:13,233 First off, mea culpa for dropping by unannounced, 223 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,985 but you are going to kiss me when you hear what I've done for you. 224 00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:20,198 Oh. 225 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:23,534 Hello. 226 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:26,579 - Hi. - [Frasier] No, no, no. 227 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,747 No, no, no. 228 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,833 Bebe, this is Daphne Moon, my father's physical therapist. 229 00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:32,543 [relieved laughter] 230 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:36,839 Now, I believe I was about to kiss you for something. 231 00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:42,387 Well, today I got a very attractive offer for you to be a product spokesman. 232 00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,764 And we know they're serious because it's pay or play. 233 00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,849 Ooh. That's the best kind. 234 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,851 You get your money whether you do it or not. 235 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,896 - Well, listen to this one. - How do you know that? 236 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:54,774 Well, I must confess, 237 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:58,569 there is a chapter of my life I haven't told you or your father about. 238 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:02,991 Back when I was 12, I starred in a television show in England. 239 00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,450 I'll leave you to your business. 240 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,744 Daphne! Daphne, get back here. 241 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:07,829 You what? 242 00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:10,248 I starred in TV a series. 243 00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,125 It was quite popular in its day. 244 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,627 Maybe you've heard of it, Mind Your Knickers. 245 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:20,341 It was about a group of high-spirited, ethnically diverse 12-year-olds 246 00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:23,136 in a girls' private boarding school. [chuckles] 247 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,388 I played Emma, the short, spunky one. Heh. 248 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:29,309 Of course, by the end of the series I was 16, 5-foot-10, 249 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:32,103 and they had me boozies bound up tighter than a mummy. 250 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,064 Well, I'm off. 251 00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:40,361 The woman is like an artichoke. 252 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:44,907 You just keep peeling away one astounding leaf after another. 253 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,703 Well, anyway, back to business. What have you got? 254 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,497 Voila! Emery's Nuts. 255 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:54,334 Oh, dear. Oh, I can't endorse these. 256 00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:55,918 Why not? 257 00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,920 Well, for one thing I don't like them. 258 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,381 And they're 60% fat, they're laced with salt, 259 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,342 and they wreak havoc with my diverticulitis. 260 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,177 Of course they do, they're nuts. 261 00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,472 Sorry. I'm afraid I can't. 262 00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:09,349 Well... 263 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:14,729 Then I will just tell them that they can take their five-figure deal 264 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,064 and find someone else. 265 00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:17,774 Five figures? 266 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:21,527 Didn't I mention, precious? This is for television, the big Kahuna. 267 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:22,528 Television? 268 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:27,533 But I understand if you have a problem. 269 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,369 Well, I... I... I... 270 00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:34,707 I don't mean to be difficult, but I do have my standards. 271 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,459 I only endorse things that I like 272 00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:39,003 or that I think are therapeutic, like the hot tub. 273 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:41,631 Let me pinch you! You're not real! 274 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,009 Well... 275 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,636 But still I... 276 00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:52,350 I wonder if you're not being just the tiniest bit short-sighted. 277 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:55,019 Research has shown that a single television commercial 278 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:59,107 can turn an obscure radio personality into a national celebrity. 279 00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:00,900 A year from now, 280 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:05,029 someone like you could be broadcasting your message of hope and healing 281 00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:09,784 to not just the Pacific Northwest, but to the entire nation. 282 00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:17,750 But of course, there's not much I can do about it 283 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:21,587 if you don't like the product. 284 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:54,745 [Frasier] You know, I've never been a hundred percent happy with my nose. 285 00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:59,459 You can't be serious. That's a nose people trust. 286 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,754 Finally, your script. Thanks, Jeff. 287 00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,756 I've seen it already. You're gonna love it. 288 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:10,052 "Two nuts are arguing with each other." That's cute. 289 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,930 "I'm a nut." "No, I'm a nut." 290 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,017 That's funny. Uh... 291 00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:18,060 "Hold it! You're both nuts. 292 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,188 I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, noted psychiatrist 293 00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:22,273 and I know a nut when I see one." 294 00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,694 Hmm. I just I don't know about that line. 295 00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:29,489 Oh. What's wrong? It's a scream. 296 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,950 It may be a scream, but it's... 297 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,619 What's the word I'm looking for... 298 00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,913 What? "Tuition"? 299 00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:38,539 "Retirement beach house"? 300 00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:43,503 I'm so sorry. 301 00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:46,422 I'm so sorry. 302 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,966 It's just that I want so much for you. 303 00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:51,135 I don't wanna get a reputation for being difficult, 304 00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:54,138 but I'm, I'm just not comfortable with this line. 305 00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:57,099 Frasier. Frasier. Frasier. 306 00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,018 How long have we been together? 307 00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:00,811 Six days. 308 00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:06,067 Do you think I would ever have you do something that you're uncomfortable with? 309 00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:09,612 What makes this so wonderful is that you're spoofing yourself. 310 00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:11,822 You're showing that psychiatrists can be loose. 311 00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:14,450 You're making shrinks more accessible to the average person. 312 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:17,370 So, what you're saying is that I would be doing psychiatry a service 313 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:18,454 by doing this commercial. 314 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:23,125 You have a way of cutting through the baloney that knocks me out cold. 315 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:28,631 Oh, dear. 316 00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:31,968 What does this mean, "Frasier comes out of his shell"? 317 00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:36,514 It's a technical term, it's a lighting thing. 318 00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:39,058 You see... You come out of your shadow 319 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:42,895 or your shell into the light. 320 00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:47,066 I have so much to learn about this business. 321 00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:57,034 Niles, thanks for meeting me. I have to talk to you about something. 322 00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:59,412 Why do you have that ridiculous tissue around your neck? 323 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,456 They didn't tell me I could take it off, so I kept it on. 324 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,459 Oh, silly me. 325 00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,878 Here I thought it was just a means to attract attention 326 00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:10,047 to have people say, "Are you an actor?", 327 00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:13,092 thus affording you the opportunity to say, yes, you are indeed an actor 328 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,261 and then proceed to crow, gloat and strut 329 00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,013 in a way that you could not otherwise do. 330 00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:21,726 And the reason you have "shrink" on your license plate would be...? 331 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,023 I've gotta do this commercial in half an hour 332 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,150 and I just don't think I can go through with it. 333 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:31,986 I'm afraid that I'm compromising my integrity as a psychiatrist. 334 00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:33,070 Why do you feel like that? 335 00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:36,365 Well, for one thing, my co-stars are dressed up like an almond and a walnut. 336 00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,785 Now listen, Niles, I need your guidance. 337 00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,579 Frasier, I don't see this is a problem. 338 00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:44,040 You don't think this is the selling out of Frasier Crane? 339 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,752 Oh, certainly not. You sold out a long time ago. 340 00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:52,173 The moment you agreed to do that call-in show, you sold out. 341 00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:54,175 Oh, Niles, you're such a purist. 342 00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:57,511 Granted I can't do the kind of in-depth analysis one can with a single patient, 343 00:18:57,511 --> 00:19:00,222 but my show literally helps thousands of people a day. 344 00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:03,934 Let's face it, you talk about wanting to safeguard your professional dignity 345 00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:07,688 but the first time you went on the air, you got out of medicine and into showbiz. 346 00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:10,608 You're no different from that movie star 347 00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:12,193 who let everyone look up her skirt, 348 00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:14,820 then did nothing but complain that nobody took her seriously. 349 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,697 Well, that has nothing to do with it. 350 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,116 Have you seen that movie? 351 00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:21,577 Maris and I rented the video. 352 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:24,789 I don't mind telling you, we pushed our beds together that night. 353 00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:39,595 And that was no mean feat. Her room, as you know, is across the hall. 354 00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:44,642 Niles, will you just tell me? Would you do it? 355 00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:47,061 A nude scene? I suppose if it were integral to the plot-- 356 00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:48,145 Not a nude scene! 357 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:50,815 Would you do this commercial? 358 00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:53,609 Oh, certainly not. I'm a respected psychiatrist. 359 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,570 So, what you're saying is that I shouldn't do it? 360 00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:59,907 No, no, no. I'm saying, it doesn't matter. 361 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:02,660 Let's face it, Frasier, they've already looked up your skirt 362 00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:04,745 and they've seen everything there is to see. 363 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:18,050 [upbeat jingle playing on TV] 364 00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:20,010 [door opens] 365 00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:26,016 What are you still doing up? 366 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:31,230 Oh, jeez, you're not watching the tape of that dumb commercial again? 367 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,899 I can't get it off my mind. 368 00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:35,609 Did I do the right thing? 369 00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:38,946 Of course you did. And Freddy's gonna thank you for it. 370 00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,906 Here. Watch it with me one more time. 371 00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:45,286 [man on TV] I'm a nut. 372 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:48,456 No, I'm a nut. 373 00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,207 No, I'm a nut. 374 00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,460 - I'm a nut. - Stop. 375 00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,044 You're both nuts. 376 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,257 I'm noted psychologist, Dr. Joyce Brothers, 377 00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:02,803 and I'm here to tell you that I'm just crazy about Emery's Nuts. 378 00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:08,100 So if you're crazy about nuts too, pick up a can of Emery's today. 379 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:11,395 Emery's: the nut lover's nut. 380 00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:19,361 I suppose you're right, Dad. Freddy will thank me. 381 00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:21,655 Dr. Joyce is his favorite psychologist. 382 00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:26,911 Yeah. Dr. Joyce was pretty good. I remember her from the Hollywood Squares. 383 00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,829 She was always under Charlie Weaver. 384 00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:32,833 No. No. Charlie Weaver was always on the bottom. 385 00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:36,045 No. I don't think so. Let's see, Paul Lynde was in the middle. 386 00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:39,173 George Gobel was under him. Where was Wally Cox? 387 00:21:39,173 --> 00:21:40,341 [Frasier] Wally Cox? 388 00:21:40,341 --> 00:21:43,010 - Upper left, next to Rose Marie to block. - Oh, right. 389 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,140 [theme music playing] 390 00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:52,895 ♪ Hey baby, I hear the blues a-callin' Tossed salad and scrambled eggs ♪ 391 00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:55,105 ♪ Quite stylish ♪ 392 00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:57,316 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 393 00:21:57,316 --> 00:22:00,027 ♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 394 00:22:00,027 --> 00:22:02,279 ♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ 395 00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:03,781 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 396 00:22:03,781 --> 00:22:07,076 ♪ With those tossed salads And scrambled eggs ♪ 397 00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:09,703 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 398 00:22:10,621 --> 00:22:12,414 ♪ Goodnight, everybody