1
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:13,721
Well, I had a really good year.
I decided, hey, why not reward myself?
2
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:17,183
So, I bought what I really wanted,
a 48-foot cabin cruiser.
3
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:19,936
You know how much it cost me?
I'll tell you how much it cost me.
4
00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:23,564
Three hundred grand, not to mention
the 20,000 for the custom teak decking.
5
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:24,732
Now here's my problem,
6
00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:29,570
the wife wants to call this incredible
vessel "Lulubelle" after her mother.
7
00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:33,032
"Lulubelle!" So, I said,
"No, we call it "The intrepid."
8
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:36,870
So, what do you think it should be called,
"Lulubelle" or "The intrepid"?
9
00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:42,583
Roger, at Cornell University,
10
00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:45,503
they have an incredible piece
of scientific equipment
11
00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:49,465
known as
the Tunneling Electron Microscope.
12
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:53,344
Now, this microscope is so powerful
that by firing electrons
13
00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:56,681
you can actually see images of the atom,
14
00:00:56,682 --> 00:01:00,685
the infinitesimally minute
building block of our universe.
15
00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:03,480
Roger, if I were using
that microscope right now,
16
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:07,818
I still wouldn't be able to locate
my interest in your problem.
17
00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:13,991
Thank you for your call.
18
00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:19,370
And now, hungry for Chinese tonight?
19
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:22,999
I always... Uh, I'm sorry,
we're experiencing technical difficulties.
20
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,544
Let's go to a prerecorded
commercial message.
21
00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:31,674
Roz, why did you hand me this copy?
I don't do personal endorsements.
22
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:33,092
What is the big deal?
23
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:36,596
- All the other personalities do them.
- The other personalities aren't doctors.
24
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:39,223
If I allow myself
to become a common pitchman,
25
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:40,891
I'll lose all my credibility.
26
00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:43,477
I am a Wise Man, a Shaman.
27
00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,147
Zip up your fly, Wise Man.
28
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:51,528
Whoa! Doc! This is a radio studio,
not a bus terminal.
29
00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:56,073
Look who's here, Roz, Noel Coward.
30
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:58,951
Listen, Bulldog,
I hate to mix business with revulsion,
31
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,203
but Frasier, as usual,
will not do this promo.
32
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,204
I'd love to.
33
00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:04,166
- Great. I need it done now.
- No problem.
34
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:08,712
Doc. Doc. With all due respect,
you're an idiot.
35
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,339
These promos are easy money.
36
00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:14,300
The money is irrelevant.
It's a question of integrity.
37
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:15,302
Integrity.
38
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:16,803
Hello!
39
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:21,350
We're talking mucho dinero.
40
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:25,728
But hey, the more you turn these down,
the more Liver Snaps for the Bulldog.
41
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,609
What is this with my name on it here, Roz?
42
00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:35,571
That's the contract for Hunan Palace gig.
That's how much they were gonna pay you.
43
00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:38,532
I guess I need to have them
change the name on here to Bulldog's.
44
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,576
They pay you that money
just to read some copy?
45
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:44,163
Yeah. Of course, Bulldog
usually adds his own special touch.
46
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:51,587
Ooh. So you will come
chop-chop to Hunan Palace
47
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:55,675
where Peking Duck
is always extra crispy.
48
00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:09,898
We're gonna get sued this time for sure.
49
00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:20,908
Damn it!
50
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:24,161
I just put a dent in my front bumper
when I pulled into my parking space.
51
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:26,664
What happened to that tennis ball
I hung over my space
52
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:27,958
so I wouldn't pull up too far?
53
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,302
He was bored. He needed a toy.
54
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,764
Hey, go ahead and throw it.
He'll run and get it for you.
55
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,903
He didn't think that was funny
and he knows where you sleep.
56
00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:01,407
Dad, Daphne,
a situation has arisen over at work
57
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:04,076
and I'm not sure how it should be handled.
58
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:08,080
I was hoping maybe your
objective viewpoint could be helpful.
59
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,415
Sure. Shoot.
60
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:12,001
Well, what would you think
if I did a commercial
61
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,961
and publicly endorsed a product?
62
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,839
Oh, you mean like Cher does?
63
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,843
Thank you, Daphne. One against. Dad?
64
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:23,179
What's the product?
65
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:26,474
Well, the station wanted me to do a
commercial for a Chinese restaurant.
66
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:27,433
What's the problem?
67
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:30,479
Well, I hold a position of trust
in this community.
68
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,480
People do what I tell them to
69
00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:35,233
and I would hate to be accused
of abusing that position.
70
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:39,445
The thought of a doctor selling things
is kind of distasteful, isn't it?
71
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,740
What about Dr. Sneezy's cold medicine?
72
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,995
Dr. Sneezy is a cartoon character.
73
00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:51,123
The fact that he's
a giant purple hippopotamus
74
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,043
probably should have tipped you off.
75
00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,378
I say take the money and run.
76
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,214
Well, I'm tempted, if for no other reason
77
00:04:58,215 --> 00:05:01,718
than to keep Bulldog from further
alienating the Asian-American community.
78
00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:05,555
But I just wanna make sure
that I don't compromise my principles.
79
00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:10,309
Dr. Crane, you've dedicated your life
to helping people, haven't you?
80
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,560
Well, yes.
81
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:14,438
Well, suppose one of your listeners
was in a quandary
82
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,899
over where to find good Chinese food.
83
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,069
Wouldn't your commercial be helping them?
84
00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,403
Why don't you just go down there.
85
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:24,240
If you like the food, do the commercial.
If you don't, don't.
86
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,325
I suppose that's the logical approach.
87
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,744
Why don't the three of us go tonight.
I'll make a call.
88
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:31,163
I'd better make the reservations
under a different name.
89
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,666
I don't want any special treatment.
90
00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:37,838
I just want to be treated
like I'm just an average working Joe.
91
00:05:39,214 --> 00:05:40,714
Good evening. Yes, yes.
92
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:43,593
We'd like a reservation for three
this evening at 8.
93
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,055
Oh, nothing until 10? Oh.
94
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,975
Oh, well, then, um...
95
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,477
this is Dr. Frasier Crane...
96
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,564
from the radio and...
97
00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,984
Yes, I thought you might. Thank you.
98
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,571
We're in at 9:45.
99
00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:10,369
Did I say "tasty"?
100
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:14,583
"Tasty" doesn't do justice
to those succulent pot-stickers.
101
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:18,420
And the Kung Pao Chicken?
Oh, don't get me started!
102
00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:22,131
So if you've got a yen
for Chinese tonight,
103
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,008
hurry on down to the Hunan Palace.
104
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,050
That's it for today.
105
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:30,307
This is Dr. Frasier Crane hoping
we'll see you tomorrow on KACL 780 AM.
106
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,895
You know, Roz, I think I'm getting
the knack for doing these promos.
107
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,898
Did you get the little ad-lib I made
about the "yen" for Chinese food?
108
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:42,276
Yeah. By the way,
"Yen" is Japanese, not Chinese.
109
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:43,528
Well...
110
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:48,532
I got a call from the owners
of the Hunan Palace the other day.
111
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,951
They said that since I started
doing these commercials,
112
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,995
their business has gone by 30%.
113
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,080
Isn't that what advertising
is supposed to do?
114
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,250
Yes, it is, Miss Sour-Britches.
115
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,878
Give me a little credit.
116
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:04,423
I've pleased the boy's upstairs,
gotten strangers to try a new restaurant,
117
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:08,010
and most importantly, I've helped
a struggling immigrant family
118
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:10,554
who came to these shores
a mere 12 years ago
119
00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,390
with little more than a dream,
120
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,185
a few recipes and a wok.
121
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:21,649
Dr. Crane?
122
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:24,109
- What a privilege this is.
- Excuse me?
123
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:27,613
- Bebe glazer. I'm Bulldog Brisco's agent.
- Oh.
124
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,281
Oh, well, pleasure meeting you.
125
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:32,451
I'm not usually this forward,
but I'm gonna come right out and say it.
126
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,954
I've done some research,
and you're not represented by anyone.
127
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,789
How about signing on with me as a client?
128
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,624
If "no," it won't hurt my feelings.
129
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,084
Well, I really don't think so.
130
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:41,127
Why?
131
00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:45,214
It's not that I'm not flattered,
Ms. glazer,
132
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:48,926
but, um, you see, I'm not really
a radio personality per se.
133
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:52,429
Oh, come on, I've heard those spots
you've done for that Chinese restaurant.
134
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:56,059
You make me want to stuff my face
full of eggrolls and I don't know what.
135
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,897
Thank you. Uh...
136
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:06,110
But, you see,
I dine at the Hunan Palace frequently.
137
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:07,987
That's the reason I did those commercials.
138
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,863
The last thing I would ever want you to do
139
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,782
is advertise something
you don't believe in.
140
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:14,077
I am an agent, not a pimp.
141
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:18,330
- I don't mean to offend--
- Are you kidding? You're terrific.
142
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,624
You can't offend me.
Let me leave you with my card.
143
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,044
- I don't think that's necessary.
- Give me back my card.
144
00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:25,963
I will not let you call me.
145
00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:29,800
It is too refreshing to meet someone
who isn't seduced by the almighty dollar.
146
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:31,635
I would refuse your call.
147
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:35,139
Ah! I've got to go fly to Palo Alto.
148
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,683
My daughter's at Stanford.
149
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:38,351
Ah.
150
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,187
You don't have kids, do you?
151
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,856
Oh, yes, I have a 5-year-old son.
152
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,984
Oh, lucky you. You won't have to worry
about it for years.
153
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:50,655
- Worry about what?
- Tuition, innocent.
154
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:55,744
Ah, wait, I see. You're going to send him
to a state college.
155
00:08:56,327 --> 00:09:00,622
Well, no, no, I had planned to send him
to my alma mater, Harvard.
156
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:01,541
Ouch.
157
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,419
Kiss it and make it better.
158
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:10,841
Have you seen Business week's projections
for college costs the year 2010?
159
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:17,056
Oh! I've gotta go. That plane
is not going to wait for little Bebe.
160
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,934
You know,
maybe we should talk some time.
161
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,145
Let's talk now.
162
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,688
I think I can die peacefully
163
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:27,858
without seeing the first half
of the Stanford/Cal game.
164
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:30,152
You see, it's not that I object
to doing commercials,
165
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:34,073
it's just that I would have to try a
product first before I could endorse it.
166
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,327
Dr. Crane,
I wouldn't have it any other way.
167
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,461
Tell me again why I'm here?
168
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:48,879
Because if I do the commercial,
169
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,090
I have to say that my friends
and family enjoy this
170
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,758
and I won't say it unless it's true.
171
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,636
I feel kind of silly sitting here
in the showroom.
172
00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:58,890
Well, I apologize for that,
but it's the best place to try one.
173
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:03,268
So, tell me the truth,
aren't you two enjoying this?
174
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,021
Well, I do like the bubbles.
175
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:08,899
It's a little like sitting
in hot champagne.
176
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,902
Not that I've done that very much.
177
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:16,573
Dad, this unit is made from the same
heat-resistant space-age polymer
178
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,408
that's used on space shuttles.
179
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:21,578
Next time I'm re-entering the Earth's
atmosphere in a hot tub
180
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:22,831
I won't have to worry.
181
00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:26,793
Well, do you like it?
182
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,463
I have to admit,
it's making my hip feel a little better.
183
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,798
That's all I needed to hear.
184
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:35,634
My friends like it.
My family likes it. I like it.
185
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:39,305
I can do the commercial
and Frederick can go to Harvard.
186
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:44,601
Oh, my God. isn't that Dave Hendler
from our building?
187
00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:47,856
You know, he's the head
of the Seattle Psychiatric Association.
188
00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:53,235
That's not Dave Hendler.
189
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:58,032
Shh. Don't worry about it.
Enjoy the quiet while you can.
190
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,958
Gentle bubbles, soothing bubbles.
191
00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:10,752
Bubbles that will ease your aching body.
192
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:12,088
This is Dr. Frasier Crane.
193
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,798
In these pressure-packed times,
194
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:19,761
what could be better than a warm,
relaxing dip in a Redwood Hot Tub?
195
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:24,099
Let Redwood's patented Ultra-Blow
air system surround your body.
196
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,684
My family and friends like it...
197
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,102
- That's us.
- Shh!
198
00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:28,437
...and you'll like it too.
199
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:32,483
And if you act quickly,
you'll receive a complimentary scum guard.
200
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,113
So hurry down to your local
Redwood Hot Tub dealer.
201
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,325
Say Frasier Crane sent you.
202
00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:42,784
Well, what did you think?
203
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,205
I could almost smell the chlorine.
204
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:47,414
Dad, how about you?
205
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,624
I liked it.
206
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,709
- Really?
- Yeah. I liked it.
207
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,504
- You really, really liked it?
- No. I liked it.
208
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,380
Well, what was wrong with it?
209
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,216
- Nothing.
- You hated it didn't you?
210
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,968
Yeah. Good night, Frasier.
211
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,395
- Hello, darling.
- Bebe.
212
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:13,232
First off, mea culpa
for dropping by unannounced,
213
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,985
but you are going to kiss me
when you hear what I've done for you.
214
00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:20,198
Oh.
215
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:23,534
Hello.
216
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:26,578
- Hi.
- No, no, no.
217
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,746
No, no, no.
218
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,833
Bebe, this is Daphne Moon,
my father's physical therapist.
219
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:36,838
Now, I believe I was about
to kiss you for something.
220
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:42,386
Well, today I got a very attractive offer
for you to be a product spokesman.
221
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,764
And we know they're serious
because it's pay or play.
222
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,848
Ooh. That's the best kind.
223
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,850
You get your money
whether you do it or not.
224
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,895
- Well, listen to this one.
- How do you know that?
225
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:54,773
Well, I must confess,
226
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:58,569
there is a chapter of my life
I haven't told you or your father about.
227
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:02,990
Back when I was 12,
I starred in a television show in England.
228
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,449
I'll leave you to your business.
229
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,743
Daphne! Daphne, get back here.
230
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:07,828
You what?
231
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:10,247
I starred in TV a series.
232
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,124
It was quite popular in its day.
233
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,627
Maybe you've heard of it,
Mind Your Knickers.
234
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:20,340
It was about a group of high-spirited,
ethnically diverse 12-year-olds
235
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:23,135
in a girls' private boarding school.
236
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,388
I played Emma, the short, spunky one. Heh.
237
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:29,308
Of course, by the end of the series
I was 16, 5-foot-10,
238
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:32,103
and they had me boozies
bound up tighter than a mummy.
239
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,064
Well, I'm off.
240
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:40,361
The woman is like an artichoke.
241
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:44,907
You just keep peeling away
one astounding leaf after another.
242
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,703
Well, anyway, back to business.
What have you got?
243
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,496
Voila! Emery's Nuts.
244
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:54,334
Oh, dear. Oh, I can't endorse these.
245
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:55,917
Why not?
246
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,919
Well, for one thing I don't like them.
247
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,380
And they're 60% fat,
they're laced with salt,
248
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,341
and they wreak havoc
with my diverticulitis.
249
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,177
Of course they do, they're nuts.
250
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,472
Sorry. I'm afraid I can't.
251
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:09,349
Well...
252
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:14,728
Then I will just tell them
that they can take their five-figure deal
253
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,064
and find someone else.
254
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:17,773
Five figures?
255
00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:21,526
Didn't I mention, precious?
This is for television, the big Kahuna.
256
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:22,528
Television?
257
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:27,532
But I understand if you have a problem.
258
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,369
Well, I... I... I...
259
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:34,706
I don't mean to be difficult,
but I do have my standards.
260
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,458
I only endorse things that I like
261
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:39,002
or that I think are therapeutic,
like the hot tub.
262
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:41,631
Let me pinch you! You're not real!
263
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,008
Well...
264
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,636
But still I...
265
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:52,349
I wonder if you're not being
just the tiniest bit short-sighted.
266
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:55,018
Research has shown
that a single television commercial
267
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:59,107
can turn an obscure radio personality
into a national celebrity.
268
00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:00,899
A year from now,
269
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:05,028
someone like you could be broadcasting
your message of hope and healing
270
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:09,784
to not just the Pacific Northwest,
but to the entire nation.
271
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:17,749
But of course,
there's not much I can do about it
272
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:21,587
if you don't like the product.
273
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:54,745
You know, I've never been
a hundred percent happy with my nose.
274
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:59,459
You can't be serious.
That's a nose people trust.
275
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,753
Finally, your script. Thanks, Jeff.
276
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,756
I've seen it already.
You're gonna love it.
277
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:10,052
"Two nuts are arguing with each other."
That's cute.
278
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,930
"I'm a nut." "No, I'm a nut."
279
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,016
That's funny. Uh...
280
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:18,059
"Hold it! You're both nuts.
281
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,187
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane,
noted psychiatrist
282
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:22,273
and I know a nut when I see one."
283
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,694
Hmm. I just I don't know about that line.
284
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:29,489
Oh. What's wrong? It's a scream.
285
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,949
It may be a scream, but it's...
286
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,618
What's the word I'm looking for...
287
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,912
What? "Tuition"?
288
00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:38,539
"Retirement beach house"?
289
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:43,503
I'm so sorry.
290
00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:46,421
I'm so sorry.
291
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,965
It's just that I want so much for you.
292
00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:51,134
I don't wanna get a reputation
for being difficult,
293
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:54,137
but I'm, I'm just not comfortable
with this line.
294
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:57,098
Frasier. Frasier. Frasier.
295
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,018
How long have we been together?
296
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:00,811
Six days.
297
00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:06,066
Do you think I would ever have you do
something that you're uncomfortable with?
298
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:09,611
What makes this so wonderful
is that you're spoofing yourself.
299
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:11,821
You're showing that psychiatrists
can be loose.
300
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:14,449
You're making shrinks more accessible
to the average person.
301
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:17,369
So, what you're saying is that I would
be doing psychiatry a service
302
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:18,454
by doing this commercial.
303
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:23,125
You have a way of cutting through
the baloney that knocks me out cold.
304
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:28,630
Oh, dear.
305
00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:31,968
What does this mean,
"Frasier comes out of his shell"?
306
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:36,513
It's a technical term,
it's a lighting thing.
307
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:39,057
You see... You come out of your shadow
308
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:42,895
or your shell into the light.
309
00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:47,066
I have so much to learn
about this business.
310
00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:57,033
Niles, thanks for meeting me.
I have to talk to you about something.
311
00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:59,412
Why do you have that ridiculous tissue
around your neck?
312
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,456
They didn't tell me I could take it off,
so I kept it on.
313
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,458
Oh, silly me.
314
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,877
Here I thought it was just a means
to attract attention
315
00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:10,046
to have people say, "Are you an actor?",
316
00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:13,091
thus affording you the opportunity to say,
yes, you are indeed an actor
317
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,260
and then proceed to crow,
gloat and strut
318
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,013
in a way that you could not otherwise do.
319
00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:21,726
And the reason you have "shrink"
on your license plate would be...?
320
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,022
I've gotta do this commercial
in half an hour
321
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,149
and I just don't think
I can go through with it.
322
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:31,985
I'm afraid that I'm compromising
my integrity as a psychiatrist.
323
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:33,069
Why do you feel like that?
324
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:36,365
Well, for one thing, my co-stars are
dressed up like an almond and a walnut.
325
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,784
Now listen, Niles, I need your guidance.
326
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,578
Frasier, I don't see this is a problem.
327
00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:44,039
You don't think this is
the selling out of Frasier Crane?
328
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,752
Oh, certainly not.
You sold out a long time ago.
329
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:52,172
The moment you agreed
to do that call-in show, you sold out.
330
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:54,174
Oh, Niles, you're such a purist.
331
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:57,510
Granted I can't do the kind of in-depth
analysis one can with a single patient,
332
00:18:57,511 --> 00:19:00,221
but my show literally helps thousands
of people a day.
333
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:03,933
Let's face it, you talk about wanting
to safeguard your professional dignity
334
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:07,688
but the first time you went on the air,
you got out of medicine and into showbiz.
335
00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:10,607
You're no different from that movie star
336
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:12,192
who let everyone look up her skirt,
337
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:14,819
then did nothing but complain
that nobody took her seriously.
338
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,697
Well, that has nothing to do with it.
339
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,116
Have you seen that movie?
340
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:21,576
Maris and I rented the video.
341
00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:24,789
I don't mind telling you,
we pushed our beds together that night.
342
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:39,595
And that was no mean feat.
Her room, as you know, is across the hall.
343
00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:44,641
Niles, will you just tell me?
Would you do it?
344
00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:47,060
A nude scene? I suppose
if it were integral to the plot--
345
00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:48,145
Not a nude scene!
346
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:50,814
Would you do this commercial?
347
00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:53,609
Oh, certainly not.
I'm a respected psychiatrist.
348
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,569
So, what you're saying
is that I shouldn't do it?
349
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:59,906
No, no, no.
I'm saying, it doesn't matter.
350
00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:02,659
Let's face it, Frasier,
they've already looked up your skirt
351
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:04,745
and they've seen
everything there is to see.
352
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:26,016
What are you still doing up?
353
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:31,230
Oh, jeez, you're not watching the tape
of that dumb commercial again?
354
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,898
I can't get it off my mind.
355
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:35,608
Did I do the right thing?
356
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:38,945
Of course you did.
And Freddy's gonna thank you for it.
357
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,906
Here. Watch it with me one more time.
358
00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:45,286
I'm a nut.
359
00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:48,455
No, I'm a nut.
360
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,206
No, I'm a nut.
361
00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,459
- I'm a nut.
- Stop.
362
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,044
You're both nuts.
363
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,256
I'm noted psychologist,
Dr. Joyce Brothers,
364
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:02,802
and I'm here to tell you
that I'm just crazy about Emery's Nuts.
365
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:08,099
So if you're crazy about nuts too,
pick up a can of Emery's today.
366
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:11,395
Emery's: the nut lover's nut.
367
00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:19,360
I suppose you're right, Dad.
Freddy will thank me.
368
00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:21,655
Dr. Joyce is his favorite psychologist.
369
00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:26,910
Yeah. Dr. Joyce was pretty good.
I remember her from the Hollywood Squares.
370
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,829
She was always under Charlie Weaver.
371
00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:32,832
No. No. Charlie Weaver was always
on the bottom.
372
00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:36,044
No. I don't think so.
Let's see, Paul Lynde was in the middle.
373
00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:39,172
George Gobel was under him.
Where was Wally Cox?
374
00:21:39,173 --> 00:21:40,340
Wally Cox?
375
00:21:40,341 --> 00:21:43,010
- Upper left, next to Rose Marie to block.
- Oh, right.
376
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:52,895
♪ Hey baby, I hear the blues a-callin'
Tossed salad and scrambled eggs ♪
377
00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:55,104
♪ Quite stylish ♪
378
00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:57,315
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
379
00:21:57,316 --> 00:22:00,026
♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
380
00:22:00,027 --> 00:22:02,278
♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪
381
00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:03,780
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
382
00:22:03,781 --> 00:22:07,076
♪ With those tossed salads
And scrambled eggs ♪
383
00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:09,703
♪ They're callin' again ♪
384
00:22:10,621 --> 00:22:12,414
♪ Goodnight, everybody ♪