1 00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:03,962 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,345 Danielle, you're gonna have to slow down a bit. 3 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,514 I'm having a hard time understanding you. 4 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,098 [Danielle in French accent] I'm sorry. 5 00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:17,434 I'm having a big, big problem with my monthieur. 6 00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:21,480 - Excuse me, with your what? - My monthieur. 7 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:26,860 - Your monthieur? - Oui. My monthieur. Every day. 8 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,321 - Is that your mother? - No, my monthieur. 9 00:00:29,321 --> 00:00:31,406 Your masseur? Your Mercedes? 10 00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:34,535 monthieur! My monthieur! You must help me. 11 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,787 Well, Danielle, I... I, uh... 12 00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:42,668 The best advice I can give you is to, um, either confront your "monthieur" 13 00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:47,130 or work on your self-esteem. Thank you for your call. 14 00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:51,468 This is Dr. Frasier Crane saying go out and have a good evening, Seattle. 15 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:52,594 You deserve it. 16 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:57,307 Roz, aren't you screening these calls? 17 00:00:57,307 --> 00:01:00,435 Yeah, but when you only have one, you get a little less particular. 18 00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:05,190 - Oh, you look nice. - Yeah? Well, I've got a date tonight. 19 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,275 Oh, great. 20 00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:10,153 Oh, why are you wearing only one heel? Did you break it off? 21 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:12,823 No, I'm dating a sea captain with a peg leg 22 00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:15,033 and this makes it easier when we dance. 23 00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:18,412 I broke it off in a sidewalk grate. 24 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,955 Okay, so who is this guy? 25 00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:21,456 Another one of those trendy young kids 26 00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,625 who's got three earrings and a ponytail, 27 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,168 wearing a T-shirt under his sports coat? 28 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,295 Is he here? 29 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:29,339 Roz, where do you meet these people? 30 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:33,969 For your information, this guy happens to be a very successful media consultant. 31 00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,470 He graduated from Princeton, 32 00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,014 he has a house on Mercer island, 33 00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,266 and he owns a 40-foot sailboat. 34 00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,268 You met him on a bus, didn't you? 35 00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:44,855 No, actually, we shared a cab. 36 00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,816 All right, he was driving it. 37 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,653 - Hello, Frasier. - Hi, Niles. You remember Roz. 38 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:55,449 - Yes, of course. What brings you here? - Oh, nothing. 39 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,954 Just passing by and thought I'd stop in for a career. 40 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:01,788 Oh. 41 00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:05,167 Good luck. Heh. [clears throat] 42 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,837 Sorry I'm late, Frasier, but the entrance to your parking garage 43 00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:10,714 is blocked by a cab driver with a ponytail, 44 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,591 scraping gum off his back seat. 45 00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,843 Madam, your chariot awaits. 46 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,263 Well, we better get going, Niles. 47 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,349 Oh, actually, bad news on that score, Frasier. 48 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:22,225 I'm afraid the lecture's been canceled. 49 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,312 Oh, well, I can't say I'm really disappointed. 50 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:29,399 I wasn't relishing the idea of three hours on right-brain, left-brain synergy. 51 00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,777 I'll have you know I trimmed that speech to two and a half hours 52 00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:34,112 and I open with a really funny Al Gore joke. 53 00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:38,283 There's no use crying over spilled milk. Now, we've got a free evening. 54 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:42,412 Sounds like the perfect opportunity for a couple of guys on the loose 55 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,873 to hit a sports bar, have a couple of brewskis, 56 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:46,041 maybe take in a game or two. 57 00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,418 Right. But what shall we do? 58 00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:53,340 - Dinner? - Perfect. No place fancy. 59 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,385 I'm sure neither of us wants a heavy meal with lots of wine and expensive desserts. 60 00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,804 - Oh, it's your turn to pay, isn't it? - You know me so well. 61 00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:08,647 - Thank you. - Thank you. 62 00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:12,776 Are you sure it was all right to park in that lot across the street? 63 00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,861 The sign said it was just for customers of those stores. 64 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,030 - I don't want to get a ticket. - No, it's fine, Niles. 65 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,324 I mean, I could just nip back to Crabtree and Evelyn 66 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,076 and buy a bar of lavender soap just to be safe. 67 00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:22,577 Niles, Niles, sit down. 68 00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:24,705 Lavender soap. For God's sakes, you're a man. 69 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,456 - You'd look ridiculous. - May I get you a drink? 70 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,375 Fuzzy Navel, blended nice and frothy, please. 71 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,838 - And... Martini, Niles? - No, thanks. I'm driving. 72 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,134 I think I'll buy a bag of potpourri or a set of hand towels. 73 00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:38,510 Just sit down. 74 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,806 Frasier, unless my eyes deceive me, 75 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,725 that's Dad sitting over there. 76 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:45,809 God, you're right. 77 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:46,810 Gee, that's strange. 78 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,104 He said he was going to Duke's to have a beer with the boys. 79 00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:51,440 - Well, that certainly isn't the boys. - Oh. 80 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,984 Seems we've caught him in a clandestine rendezvous. 81 00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:57,070 The slyboots. He had a date and he didn't want us to know. 82 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,322 Oh, he's looking this way. Turn around. 83 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:05,287 - What are they doing? - Well, it's sort of cute. 84 00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:07,080 He's holding her hand. 85 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,457 And... Don't look. Don't look. 86 00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,085 I'll tell you when you can look. 87 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,546 Uh, not now. Not now. 88 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,591 Okay, now. No, not now. 89 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:24,097 Oh, I don't like this one bit. 90 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,557 Why? What're they doing now? 91 00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:26,767 No, nothing. I just realized, 92 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,810 if Dad's eating here, this can't be a good restaurant. 93 00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:29,770 Oh. 94 00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:34,983 Well, I wonder if it's their first date. 95 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:38,069 Well, if it is, they seem to be having a very good time. 96 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:39,362 So, what are they doing? 97 00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,698 Well, they're leaning in and talking to each other. 98 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,700 He's smiling at her. 99 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:49,331 She's just collapsed in tears. She's sobbing uncontrollably. 100 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,834 Oh, yeah. That's a Crane first date, all right. 101 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,586 Oh, she's coming this way. Hide. 102 00:04:57,672 --> 00:05:00,509 - Frasier, do you know who that is? - She did look familiar. 103 00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:02,469 I'd swear that was Marion Lawlor. 104 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,929 Marion Lawlor. 105 00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:06,056 My God, I haven't heard that name since I was a kid. 106 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,642 I thought Mom and Dad had a huge falling out with the Lawlors. 107 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:09,559 They did. They did. 108 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,812 It was that summer we shared a cabin with them at the lake. 109 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:14,481 Well, maybe Dad's getting together just to patch things up. 110 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,525 Doing his usual bang-up job. 111 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:21,321 This is really awkward. We should just get out of here. 112 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,156 No, Niles, if we leave now, he's sure to spot us. 113 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,115 [engine revs] 114 00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:27,577 You know, Niles, maybe you should have that martini after all. 115 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,037 I can't, Frasier. I'm driving. 116 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:31,164 Not anymore. They just towed your car. 117 00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:38,046 [Eddie growling] 118 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:46,596 Eddie, you little hooligan, get off that couch. 119 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,306 You know you're not supposed to do that. 120 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:51,226 If Dr. Crane sees you, he's gonna throw you off the balcony 121 00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:52,811 and I'll be right behind you. 122 00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:54,020 Good boy. 123 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,355 Now, you stay there. 124 00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,695 [growling] 125 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,204 [Frasier] Well, Eddie. 126 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,416 Glad to see my rules about the couch are finally taking hold. 127 00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:20,213 Good dog. 128 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,634 Dad? Daphne? 129 00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,428 Oh, hello, Dr. Crane. 130 00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:27,888 Hello, Daphne. Say, where's Dad? 131 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:31,182 Mr. Dorsey down on eight invited him over to watch the ballgame. 132 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,685 Oh, great. He's finally getting to know some of the neighbors. 133 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,230 What are you staring at? 134 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,357 Have you ever thought about growing a mustache? 135 00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:42,152 - No, I don't think it would suit me. - Oh, yes, it does. 136 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,864 - You've never seen me with one. - Actually, I have. 137 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:48,742 There's a billboard for your show down on 16th Street. 138 00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:51,912 Some kids went at you with a can of spray paint. 139 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,205 - And it looked good? - Oh, yes. 140 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,041 But a word to the wise. 141 00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:57,709 Take good care of your teeth. 142 00:06:57,709 --> 00:07:00,003 That look is not at all flattering on you. 143 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,131 [doorbell rings] 144 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:04,299 I'll get it. 145 00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:08,470 Hello, Dr. Crane. 146 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:09,554 Hello, Daphne. 147 00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:10,805 What brings you here? 148 00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,557 A rent-a-car, thanks to my brother. 149 00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,311 I assume you're here for a reason. 150 00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:17,228 Ah, yes. 151 00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:20,857 Frasier, last night, when I got home, 152 00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:24,444 that strange incident with Dad and Mrs. Lawlor got me to thinking. 153 00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,447 What was it that caused the rift between our families? 154 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:31,618 So I dug out my old boyhood journal and looked up my entries 155 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:34,120 from our last summer together at the lake. 156 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:36,873 According to this, 157 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,167 there was a three-week period 158 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:42,879 where Mom and Dad had screaming matches every night after we went to bed. 159 00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,130 I don't recall that. 160 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,257 Oh, that's right. That was the same period 161 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:49,636 where you insisted on wearing the wax earplugs and the slumber mask. 162 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,806 Well, I had to, what with you underneath the covers 163 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,141 with a flashlight looking at the National Geographics. 164 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,643 I was looking at the maps. 165 00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,353 That's what makes it so scary. 166 00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,694 - Now, what was your point? - Well, according to my journal, 167 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:09,072 something more provocative happened during that same period. 168 00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:09,906 Here. 169 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:12,242 - Read this. - [clears throat] 170 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:17,664 "Though summer at the lake seems but a vapid, vacuous experience, 171 00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,959 it is a necessary tonic for my troubled youth." 172 00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:22,669 Niles, how old were you when you wrote this? 173 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,670 Almost 9. 174 00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,633 Which explains the redundancy, "vapid and vacuous." 175 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:29,509 Yeah. 176 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:33,096 By 10, my writing had gotten considerably tighter. 177 00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,472 Among other things. 178 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:40,186 The point is that that same night, I crept out onto the screen porch, 179 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:42,480 leaving the lights off so as not to attract bats and moths. 180 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,818 As I peered out through the darkness, 181 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:52,198 between the trees I saw the figures of Dad and Mrs. Lawlor in each other's arms. 182 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,367 I think it's pretty clear what happened, Frasier. 183 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,910 Dad and Mrs. Lawlor had an affair. 184 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,829 Oh, come on, Niles. 185 00:08:57,829 --> 00:09:00,206 Look, I appreciate your attempt to spice up our family history, 186 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,125 but, really, we're not a Jackie Collins novel. 187 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,043 It's ridiculous. 188 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:06,337 Is it? All right. Allow me to present Exhibit B. 189 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:10,175 This is a photo album Mom prepared of photos from the same period. 190 00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,427 Ooh, I love to see old family photos. 191 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:13,386 [exhales] 192 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,513 My goodness. 193 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:18,099 What a handsome, sinewy young bloke. 194 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,768 That was our dad. [chuckles] 195 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,519 You two take after your mother, don't you? 196 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,690 - All right, look at this picture. - Ah. Mm-hm. 197 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,275 And this one here. That's Dad, 198 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,027 but the person next to him has been cut out. 199 00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:30,278 And if you look at this one, 200 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:34,491 you can still see the edges of a dress and a handbag and tan sandals. 201 00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,534 Here's one whose head should have been cut out. 202 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:40,205 That scrawny little chap with the fish-belly complexion and rain hat. 203 00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:43,166 I was under doctor's orders to stay out of direct sunlight. 204 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,921 Look, we don't know for sure that that was Mrs. Lawlor. 205 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:51,716 And, besides, even then, it wouldn't prove that Dad had an affair with her. 206 00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:52,967 What are you two talking about? 207 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:56,137 Niles has this theory that Dad had an illicit affair when we were youngsters. 208 00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,264 Your father? I can't believe that. 209 00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,225 - He's not the type. - Well, that's what I think. 210 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,018 Besides, there's not enough proof. 211 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,938 - Are you saying it's not possible? - Anything is possible. 212 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,398 - Then why don't you just ask him? - Right. 213 00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:08,650 "Good evening, Father. 214 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:10,360 By the way, did you boff one of the neighbors 215 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,028 while we were roasting marshmallows?" 216 00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:19,160 Ah. Ah. There's one sure way to get the truth. 217 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,662 We'll call Aunt Vivian. 218 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:21,955 - No. - Who's Aunt Vivian? 219 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:25,041 Better known as "The Mouth." Keeper of the Crane family skeletons. 220 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,085 - No, Niles, we're not calling Aunt Vivian. - Why? 221 00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:29,087 Afraid you'll find something you don't want to know? 222 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,714 Yes, that she knows where I live and that she still drives. 223 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,718 You two are worse than a couple of old washerwomen 224 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,178 gossiping over the back fence. 225 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:40,640 I'm telling you, the way to solve this is to ask your father. 226 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,724 [Martin] Ask me what? 227 00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:45,019 Your sons here have some cockeyed notion 228 00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:47,981 that you had an affair with some woman 30 years ago. 229 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:49,607 What? 230 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,448 Where the hell did that idea come from? 231 00:10:57,448 --> 00:11:01,494 Well, last night Frasier saw you having dinner with Marion Lawlor. 232 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,954 You were with me. 233 00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:05,248 What are you two doing, spying on me? 234 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:08,001 No, no, Dad. we were just having dinner together at the same time 235 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,795 when you were supposed to be having some drinks with your buddies at Duke's. 236 00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,755 And that proves I had an affair 30 years ago? 237 00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,216 No, no, but Niles dug out his journal, 238 00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:19,804 and then he remembered this time when he saw you and her hugging 239 00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:21,472 and it was right around the same time 240 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:23,141 when you and Mom seemed to be fighting a lot. 241 00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:24,934 Then, suddenly, you stopped seeing the Lawlors. 242 00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,895 I don't believe this. This is stupid. 243 00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,646 That's what I told them. 244 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:31,566 The hens here were even gonna give some Aunt Vivian person a call. 245 00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:36,738 Uh, Daphne, would you give me a minute alone with these two? 246 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,616 Of course. I completely understand. 247 00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:43,870 That's right, send the help to her room. I never get to hear the good stuff anyway. 248 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,417 Don't bother calling Aunt Vivian. 249 00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:52,003 You wanna know the truth? 250 00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:52,921 Fine. 251 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,007 I had an affair. 252 00:11:57,217 --> 00:12:00,386 It happened a long time ago, and it's not anything I'm proud of. 253 00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:04,182 And now that I've answered all your questions, do me a favor. 254 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,602 This is never to be brought up again. Understand? 255 00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:09,646 End of discussion. 256 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:17,403 Well... [clears throat] 257 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,865 It's times like this that most families 258 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,661 pull together and draw strength from each other. 259 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:27,747 What shall we do? 260 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,509 [Frasier] Oh, thank you. 261 00:12:41,219 --> 00:12:44,013 Good, you're here. I came by to see how you're doing. 262 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,056 I only have a few minutes. 263 00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:48,142 I start my "Healing with Humor" support group tonight. 264 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:51,271 And I still have to pick up my big shoes. 265 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,523 How am I doing? 266 00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:55,692 How are you doing, Niles? 267 00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:58,778 Doesn't it bother you that your father cheated on my mother? 268 00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:04,284 Frasier, your loyalties are seeping through. 269 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,744 And I might point out that I got Mom's small features 270 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,454 while you got Dad's chunky thighs. 271 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:13,751 The point is that it must have caused Mom a great deal of pain. 272 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:14,752 Agreed. 273 00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:19,007 But they went on, and they had a very happy life together. 274 00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,425 They got over it. 275 00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:21,467 Why can't you? 276 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,845 I know that rationally I should be able to hand this. 277 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:27,390 I deal with people who exemplify human frailty every day. 278 00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:29,726 But in this case, it's not people. 279 00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,395 It's one of our parents had an illicit affair. 280 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:37,275 How could he cheat with Marion knowing the effect it would have on Mom, 281 00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,944 not to mention the repercussions it would have on you and me later on. 282 00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,904 Why don't you just pull up a chair and join us? 283 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:50,246 I just can't believe that it's... It's our father. 284 00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:53,666 I never had a great relationship with him, 285 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:57,378 but if there was one thing I always respected about him, it was his integrity. 286 00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:01,674 Just thinking about what he did, it just sickens me. 287 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:05,970 Frasier, as your brother, as a therapist, I think you have to let this go. 288 00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,639 And a good first step would be to come with me 289 00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:10,683 to my "Healing with Humor" support group. 290 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,437 Thank you, but I think I just need a night to myself. 291 00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:17,482 Well, if you change your mind, it should be a hoot. 292 00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,359 As we speak, 293 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,570 I'm wearing oversized polka dot boxers and quick-release suspenders. 294 00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,621 [Eddie growling] 295 00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:42,465 Well, I see all sorts of things have been going on behind my back. 296 00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:43,424 Get the... 297 00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:45,051 [doorbell rings] 298 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:52,809 Frasier? 299 00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:54,310 Yes. 300 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,771 You may not remember me. 301 00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:59,023 Marion Lawlor. 302 00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,483 Yes, I remember you. 303 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,403 Is your dad home? 304 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,029 Uh, no, but if you come back later, 305 00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:06,989 you can have the place to yourselves. 306 00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:09,992 No, that's not necessary. 307 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:14,789 I had dinner with him the other night and I left rather abruptly. 308 00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:17,583 I just wanted to tell him I'm sorry. 309 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,961 Would you please give him my best? 310 00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:22,130 Oh, I think you've already done that. 311 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:26,676 Did I come at a bad time? You seem upset about something. 312 00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:29,554 Would you come in for a moment, please? 313 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,184 After you met with Dad the other night, 314 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:36,811 he and I had a little conversation. 315 00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:39,939 And that was the first time that I learned what happened that summer. 316 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,609 Oh, I'm sorry. 317 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:46,821 Right. I guess I'm not the sort of person that can hear news like that 318 00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:49,157 and just sweep it under the rug and forget about it. 319 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,701 I know you're upset, 320 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:56,622 but if it's any consolation, in time, your father and I forgave them. 321 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:57,832 Forgave them? 322 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:02,128 Frasier, your mother was a good person. 323 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,338 So was my husband. 324 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,924 They made a mistake. 325 00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:10,928 Anyway, just tell your father I stopped by. 326 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:14,515 I felt so silly crying in front of him the other night. 327 00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:19,395 I've been a little over-emotional since Dan died. 328 00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:22,190 Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. 329 00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:26,152 Well, you never realize how hard that's gonna hit you. 330 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,739 But look who I'm telling this to. 331 00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:34,327 The famous radio psychiatrist, Dr. Frasier Crane. [chuckles] 332 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:38,539 I remember you when you used to run around in your undies 333 00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,416 with your pail and shovel. 334 00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,795 Yes, well, I rarely get to the shore anymore. 335 00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:49,800 Well, goodbye, Frasier. 336 00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:51,302 Goodbye. 337 00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:00,645 [Martin groaning] 338 00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:01,979 [Daphne] Working down on the docks 339 00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:04,607 has always been a tradition for us Moons. 340 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:07,818 Me father worked on the docks and me grandfather before him. 341 00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:09,195 All me brothers do. 342 00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,614 Well, except for me brother Billy. 343 00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:14,951 He came home one day and announced he hated the smell of fish 344 00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:17,912 and was going to teach ballroom dancing. 345 00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:19,330 And he did. 346 00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:20,873 And he does. 347 00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:23,376 He's me mom's favorite. 348 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:26,671 Dad mostly flicks the crust off his kidney pie at him. 349 00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:30,508 - How much longer do I have to do this? - Be patient. 350 00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:33,427 You don't want to go through life dragging your leg behind you 351 00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,221 like a dead tree branch. 352 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:38,182 I was talking about listening to your family's history. 353 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:41,602 Now, I know you don't mean that. 354 00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:44,772 Why would a man of your intelligence say a thing like that 355 00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:49,402 when you're in the position you're in and I'm in the position I'm in? 356 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,028 All right. All right. 357 00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:52,780 Up you come. 358 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,909 [Martin groaning] 359 00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:00,329 - That's much better. - [grunts] 360 00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,290 I'll go run your bath. 361 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:10,089 Hi, Dad. 362 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,841 - [grunts] - You look kind of tired. 363 00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:15,052 Yeah, I just finished my exercises with Nurse Ratched. 364 00:18:17,179 --> 00:18:19,765 Listen, Dad, do you have to watch the TV right now? 365 00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,392 Yeah, my program's on. 366 00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:24,812 Well, you know, if either of us could work the VCR, we'd tape it. 367 00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:29,233 But, just for now, there's something I'd like to talk to you about. 368 00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:31,360 Oh, for God's sake, Frasier, I know what this is. 369 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,112 I've already told you everything I'm going to. 370 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,238 Now drop it. 371 00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:36,240 [chair whirring] 372 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:41,787 Dad. 373 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:45,791 - Why didn't you tell me the truth? - I did. 374 00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:48,210 Marion Lawlor came by today. 375 00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:51,213 She wanted to apologize for the other night. 376 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:54,634 While she was here, she told me what really happened. 377 00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,262 So now you know. 378 00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:00,264 You did your little digging 379 00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,099 and you stuck your nose in where it didn't belong. 380 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:03,142 Are you happy now? 381 00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:05,102 Why didn't you tell me it was Mom? 382 00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:07,605 Because it was none of your damn business, and it still isn't. 383 00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:09,690 Look, Dad, I don't blame you for being defensive. 384 00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:11,776 But I had a right to know. 385 00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:14,487 And for your information, this sort of thing happens to a lot of people. 386 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:17,365 And if it's any consolation, I know exactly how you feel. 387 00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,242 I never told you this, but, um... 388 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,079 Lilith did the same thing to me. 389 00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:25,373 Lilith had an affair? 390 00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:29,585 It was the most painful and humiliating experience of my entire life. 391 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:30,461 Well... 392 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,672 I'm sure you felt the same way. 393 00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:35,132 I hadn't thought about it for quite some time, 394 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:36,717 but thanks for reminding me. 395 00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:40,471 Lilith? 396 00:19:42,056 --> 00:19:43,683 I found her attractive. 397 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:46,686 Is it so inconceivable that another man might find her attractive as well? 398 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:48,646 I guess. 399 00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:53,984 - So who's the bozo in your case? - Oh, God. 400 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:58,698 A Frenchman who lived in a self-contained underground eco pod. 401 00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:03,077 That still sounds better than a urologist with a bad comb-over. 402 00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:09,250 I'm sorry, Dad. 403 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,420 Look, son, do me a favor. 404 00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,756 Don't hate your mother for this. 405 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,845 I wasn't the easiest person to live with back then. 406 00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:23,013 And she had plenty of reason for doing what she did. 407 00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:27,268 Luckily, we were able to put it behind us, but I'll tell you... 408 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,731 There were times when it really tore me up. 409 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,068 I loved your mother. 410 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:39,405 So did I. 411 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:42,825 I know, son. 412 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,746 That's why I said I was the one who had the affair. 413 00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:49,123 I was just trying to protect her. 414 00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:53,377 Hey, me, you already had problems with. 415 00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,254 [both chuckle] 416 00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,506 Well, Dad, I, I appreciate what you did, 417 00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,300 but I still think you should have told me. 418 00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:04,722 Listen, when Frederick grows up, will you tell him what Lilith did to you? 419 00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:10,853 Okay. 420 00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:13,063 Can I watch my program now? 421 00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:14,732 Oh, no, just one second. 422 00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:18,068 There is one thing I've gotta clear up. This photo album in here. 423 00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:22,406 There's all these pictures, with the same woman that's been cut out of them. 424 00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:23,365 You see this? 425 00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:25,618 Yeah. What else do you notice, Sherlock? 426 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,495 Like, where's your mother? 427 00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:31,874 - Oh. Oh, that was Mom. - Yes. 428 00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:33,292 She cut herself out of it. 429 00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:35,711 She put a few pounds on that summer. 430 00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:38,714 And I think that day she was wearing a brown dress with a belt. 431 00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:41,884 And your Aunt Vivian told her she looked like a knockwurst tied in the middle. 432 00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:45,763 You know, Dad, ever since you moved in, 433 00:21:45,763 --> 00:21:48,307 we've been trying to find something that we have in common. 434 00:21:49,058 --> 00:21:50,559 I think we finally found it. 435 00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:51,435 Yeah. 436 00:21:52,895 --> 00:21:54,396 Wish it was a birthmark. 437 00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,273 So do I. 438 00:21:59,944 --> 00:22:01,195 [sighs] 439 00:22:01,195 --> 00:22:03,948 [music playing on TV] 440 00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:15,042 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 441 00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:16,168 ♪ Mercy ♪ 442 00:22:16,752 --> 00:22:19,463 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 443 00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:21,757 ♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 444 00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:23,926 ♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ 445 00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:25,594 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 446 00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:29,098 ♪ With those tossed salads And scrambled eggs ♪ 447 00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:32,601 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 448 00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:36,522 Scrambled eggs all over my face. 449 00:22:36,522 --> 00:22:38,107 What is a boy to do? 450 00:22:40,442 --> 00:22:41,694 Thank you!