1 00:00:08,884 --> 00:00:13,137 It's 4:25 and this is Dr. Frasier Crane. 2 00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:14,472 Roz, who's our next caller? 3 00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:16,057 We have Hank on line three. 4 00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:19,393 - He's having trouble with his neighbors. - Hello, Hank. 5 00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:20,895 I'm listening. 6 00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:21,896 Am I on? 7 00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:23,273 Yes. You're on the air. 8 00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:25,359 Hello. Am I on? 9 00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:31,364 Hank, listen, turn down your radio and just talk into your phone. 10 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,699 Hello. 11 00:00:33,909 --> 00:00:36,244 Hank, please, you won't be able to hear yourself. 12 00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:38,037 We're on a seven-second delay. 13 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,248 Hello. Can you hear me? 14 00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:42,500 Oh, for crying out loud. 15 00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:43,919 Thank you, Hank. 16 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,922 People would you please turn off your damned radios? 17 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:50,092 Uh, no, I just mean those of you who are calling in. 18 00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:53,010 Roz, who's our next caller? 19 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:54,887 We have Marco on line two. 20 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,014 He's having problems with his relationship. 21 00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,766 Hello, Marco. 22 00:00:58,767 --> 00:00:59,810 I'm listening. 23 00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:04,647 Well, I started seeing this woman two years ago. 24 00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:06,149 I think it was two years. 25 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:08,485 It was around Thanksgiving. 26 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:12,029 Yeah, yeah, yeah, the leaves were off the trees and the... 27 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:12,864 Close enough. 28 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,493 What is your problem, Marco? 29 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:20,497 Well, it's not really my problem, it's more like her problem. 30 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:24,500 Lately she keeps pressing me for a commitment. 31 00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:25,918 What's holding you back? 32 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:29,589 I don't know. I just, I guess I just want to keep my options open. 33 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,800 You know, in case somebody better comes along. 34 00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:36,637 Somebody better comes along? 35 00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:38,806 Somebody better comes along? 36 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:41,684 Marco, Marco, Marco, do you hear yourself? 37 00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:44,896 No. I turned my radio off after you blasted that other guy. 38 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:54,322 Well, listen, I suggest you give your motives a thorough examination 39 00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:58,409 and if you can't commit, it's best for both of you to break it off. 40 00:01:58,410 --> 00:01:59,785 - Yeah? - Yeah. 41 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,538 Thank you for your call. 42 00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:05,875 Tell me, listeners, what is it with guys like that? 43 00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:08,170 Hey, Roz, you've been around the block a few times. 44 00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:12,340 Did you ever run into a guy like Marco? 45 00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:14,342 Oh, they're all Marcos. 46 00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:17,304 You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Marco. 47 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:18,846 Oh, come on. 48 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:21,932 I mean if that were so, then no one would be having a relationship. 49 00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,184 Well, I'm not. 50 00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:24,477 My sister's not. 51 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:25,978 None of my friends are. 52 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:29,107 I've seen the future and its name is Marco. 53 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,693 What do you think, Seattle? 54 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:35,446 Are there any non-Marcos out there? 55 00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:40,660 Or is Roz, here, destined to live a life of hopeless, loveless spinsterhood? 56 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,745 Back after this. 57 00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:45,916 Gee, I just love it when you include me in your show. 58 00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:53,464 This is really weird. 59 00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:55,008 It's not even Halloween yet. 60 00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,259 Do we really have to do this now? 61 00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,428 If we're going to have a picture for the Christmas card, 62 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:01,222 we've got to make it look like Christmas. 63 00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:03,891 I don't know why we just can't do what my wife and I did, 64 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,435 put Frasier and Niles in matching sweaters 65 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,397 and set them on the hood of the old Packard. 66 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:12,566 Well, this year, we're going to be a little more artistic, all right? 67 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,110 Where the hell is Frasier anyway? 68 00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:16,237 - I could use some help here. - He's still napping. 69 00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:19,073 My grandfather used to nap every afternoon. 70 00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:20,658 He lived to be 93. 71 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:21,575 Really? 72 00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:25,121 He'd lie there on the sofa and you couldn't wake him for the world. 73 00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:28,124 Grammy would say, "He might as well be a dead man." 74 00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:31,002 Then of course, one day we couldn't wake him 75 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,048 and he really was a dead man. 76 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:37,883 Poor Grammy. 77 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:41,888 For weeks, she kept insisting, "He's napping. He's napping." 78 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:44,516 Okay. 79 00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,268 I'm going to turn it on! 80 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,856 Oh! It's lovely! 81 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,066 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ 82 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,444 ♪ Fa la-la la♪la, la-la la la ♪ 83 00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:58,946 ♪ Tis the season to be jolly ♪ 84 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:01,407 ♪ Fa la-la la♪la, la-la la la ♪ 85 00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:04,076 ♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪ 86 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,870 ♪ Fa la-la, la-la-la, la la la ♪ 87 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,080 Excuse me. Excuse me. 88 00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:09,624 Exactly how long have I been asleep? 89 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:14,837 Good! You're up! 90 00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,465 - Now we can get this picture taken. - What picture? 91 00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:19,133 The picture for the Christmas card. 92 00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:21,927 - We told you about it last week, remember? - Oh, oh, right. 93 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,263 Now the theme this year is "Santa's Workshop." 94 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,641 - Everybody put on your little elf hat. - I am not putting this on my head. 95 00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:30,771 I mean, for God's sake, I'm a respected professional. 96 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:33,774 If you don't, it'll look stupid! 97 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,738 Oh, I think the ship has already sailed on that one. 98 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,656 Just put the hat on, Frasier! 99 00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:45,576 - You can't tell me what to do. - I am telling you! Put the hat on! 100 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,995 The days are past when you can sit me on some stupid old Packard 101 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:50,206 and make me wear a matching sweater with my brother. 102 00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,792 Boys! Boys! Please! 103 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,252 Don't fight! Are you forgetting what day it is? 104 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:56,713 It's October 21st. 105 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,550 Can we just get the picture taken please? 106 00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,260 All right, I've got it all set. 107 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,888 Fifteen seconds, gents. 108 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,848 Oh, wait, there's something missing. Where's Eddie? 109 00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,976 He's in the bathroom getting a drink. Eddie! 110 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:21,071 Well, I can always pray there's a postal strike. 111 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,617 That's just about it for today. 112 00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:29,537 This is Dr. Frasier Crane saying go on out there 113 00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:31,540 and make it a great evening, Seattle. 114 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:37,294 Hey, before you go, there's a fan in the hall who'd like your autograph. 115 00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:40,632 Oh, God, save me from my adoring fans. 116 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:45,303 Oh! Oh, but not from the adorable ones. 117 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:52,560 Hello. My producer told me you wanted an autograph. 118 00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:53,979 How should I make this out? 119 00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:57,690 You disgust me, you parasitic fraud! 120 00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:01,110 Well, that's certainly different from the usual "best regards." 121 00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:03,112 Wait a minute! Don't walk away from me! 122 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,406 For once you're going to face the consequences of what happens 123 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,866 after you hang up on your callers. 124 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,118 What consequences, what are you talking about? 125 00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:10,870 I'm Marco's girlfriend. 126 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,205 Excuse me, ex-girlfriend, thanks to you. 127 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:16,292 Marco? You mean the Marco "who didn't want to commit" Marco? 128 00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,377 You damn radio shrinks! 129 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,671 You couldn't just tell him to stick with it. 130 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:22,715 That kind of advice doesn't get big ratings. 131 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:25,175 No. "Break up with her, get on with your life and ruin hers." 132 00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:26,343 Now that's entertainment! 133 00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:29,013 Now hold on one minute! Did you actually listen to the show? 134 00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:30,222 No. 135 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,932 But Marco told me what you said. 136 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,517 Oh, he did, did he? 137 00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:34,768 Did he also mention that he said 138 00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,937 that he was only staying with you to keep his options open? 139 00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,273 Because that's what he told me! 140 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:43,820 To be exact he said he was only staying with you until somebody better came along! 141 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,781 - He said that? - He said that to most of Seattle. 142 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:50,201 Apparently you're the only one who missed it. 143 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,581 So it wasn't that he didn't want to commit, 144 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,834 he just didn't want to commit to me. 145 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:02,296 Well, I'm terribly sorry I had to tell you. 146 00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:03,965 But at least now you know the truth. 147 00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:06,301 Oh, no, oh, no, no. 148 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:09,054 Don't-- Don't cry. 149 00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:13,475 You're in a place of business here. 150 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:22,983 Oh, boy, I can really pick them, can't I? 151 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:25,986 Oh, no, don't go there. Look, this is not your fault. 152 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:28,781 You're a terrifically attractive young woman. 153 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,034 Maybe a bit over-emotional. 154 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:37,374 Oh, yes, there, there. Shh. 155 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:40,417 Listen, can I-- can I get you something? 156 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:41,252 No. 157 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,797 - A drink of water? - No. 158 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,257 M and Ms? 159 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,428 Plain or peanut? 160 00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:53,389 Whichever you like. 161 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:54,432 - Peanut. - All right. 162 00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,149 Oh, God, I should have seen this coming. 163 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,734 I mean the guy practically had a coronary 164 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:08,488 when I brought a toothbrush over to keep at his apartment. 165 00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,365 Thank you. 166 00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,241 You want one? 167 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,369 - No thanks. Why don't you have a seat? - Thank you. 168 00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:19,748 Well, listen here, if he was that resistant, why did you stay with him? 169 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,418 I had a lot invested in him. 170 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:26,130 Yes, but that's no reason to settle for someone who isn't madly in love with you. 171 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:28,424 Well, right now, I'm not sure if there are any men out there 172 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,884 who are actually capable of falling madly in love. 173 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,303 Well, of course there are. 174 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,348 You know, on the most basic level, men and women are the same. 175 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,767 We both need to be loved and to love someone. 176 00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:43,481 We both want to feel that we matter to someone and that someone matters to us. 177 00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,232 And making a commitment 178 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:50,654 to another human being is the ultimate expression of our humanity. 179 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:51,865 Wow. 180 00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:54,534 Your wife is really lucky. 181 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,036 Well, I... 182 00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:01,750 I'm sure she'd say the same thing, especially now that our marriage is over. 183 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,254 Well, maybe I will have one of those M and Ms. 184 00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:09,549 Oh, boy. 185 00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:13,261 Why are relationships always so hard? 186 00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:16,638 Hey! 187 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,557 You like the yellow ones too? 188 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,184 People try to tell you they're the same. 189 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:21,603 - I know. No. - But they're not. 190 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,815 Well, you know, relationships don't always have to be so hard. 191 00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:30,819 I remember back in med school I heard of a documented case where a man and woman met, 192 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:34,157 got along and actually lived happily ever after. 193 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:40,204 Yeah, I don't mind the happily ever after part, it's the dating part. 194 00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:43,499 If I have to tell one more stranger the fascinating story of my life 195 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,419 over northern Italian cuisine, I'm going to choke on a breadstick. 196 00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:48,045 Yes, I know. 197 00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:52,132 Yeah, I just keep thinking maybe we could just exchange resumes over appetizers. 198 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:55,260 Half the time I'm ready to exchange goodbyes over appetizers. 199 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,387 Well, at least you don't get stuck with the bill. 200 00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:59,432 God, you haven't dated much lately, have you? 201 00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:02,727 No. 202 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,938 I usually end up in restaurants alone. 203 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,565 Well, I can't do that. 204 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,692 I even have to turn on the TV at home 205 00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:13,612 so at least it feels like there's someone else in the room. 206 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,657 Is that what you'll be doing tonight? 207 00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,997 Well, unless I just keep eating M and Ms, 208 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,416 which is a distinct possibility. 209 00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:37,678 ...soft and supple, 210 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:41,349 yet strong, right down to the beautiful almond-shaped nails. 211 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,352 You really see all that in my hand? 212 00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:48,897 I'm late. I've got to go to work. 213 00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:50,482 Oh. Wait, wait. 214 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:54,528 We haven't decided what we're going to do tonight. Antonio's? LeCigare Volant? 215 00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:57,614 We've gone out the last three nights. Why don't we just stay in? 216 00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:58,949 That's a great idea. Tell you what, 217 00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:02,786 I'll send Dad and Daphne off to the movies, I'll cook for you. 218 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,204 Be at my place at 8:00. 219 00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:05,873 I won't be able to make it till 8:30. 220 00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,583 - I've got to change. - Oh, no, no, no. 221 00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:10,377 Don't ever change. I like you just the way you are. 222 00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:14,090 Come on! Come on! I'm a little out of practice! 223 00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,551 I'll see you later, okay? 224 00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:23,683 Bye! 225 00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:35,861 I'll dispense with the usual adolescent teasing and come straight to the point. 226 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,697 Who was that babe-o-rama? 227 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,450 Niles, please don't try to be hip. 228 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,579 You remind me of Bob Hope when he dresses up as the Fonz. 229 00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:47,998 Her name is Catherine. 230 00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:51,002 - So, how long have you known her? - Three days. 231 00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:53,295 Have you two, uh--? 232 00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:55,590 No, as if it's any of your business. 233 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,718 - But you're--? - Well, yes, soon. 234 00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:03,681 - We are talking about--? - Of course we are! 235 00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:09,938 - Sex, right? - Yes! 236 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,653 So, how did you two meet? 237 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:19,571 Well, it was one of those funny things. 238 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,615 She came down to the radio station to chew me out. 239 00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:22,991 - You're kidding. - No. 240 00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:25,869 A few days earlier, her boyfriend had called into the show 241 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,664 and I advised him to break up with her. 242 00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,417 Frasier! 243 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,211 Frasier, where are your ethics? 244 00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,672 You can't date someone who's involved with one of your patients! 245 00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:40,592 Marco is not a patient! He's a caller! There's a huge difference. 246 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,136 So, I talked to him days before I met Catherine. 247 00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:45,806 Hmm, rationalization. The last refuge of an unsound-- 248 00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:47,599 Rationalization. Is that what you're gonna pull? 249 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,726 That kind of rationalization you have always done and... 250 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:52,145 I am not rationalizing! 251 00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:54,523 There's nothing wrong here. 252 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:56,775 As long as your conscience is clear. 253 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,403 I'm not sure mine would be. 254 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,947 Well, frankly, I don't care about your conscience. 255 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,199 And I don't need your approval. I don't need you to like it. 256 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,535 In fact, I don't need you for anything. 257 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,412 Oh, by the way, Niles, my car's in the shop. 258 00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,707 - I need a ride home tonight. - No problem. 259 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,963 Twenty seconds and I've got news for you. 260 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,799 Marco's on line two. 261 00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:22,676 Marco? 262 00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:24,970 Oh, you know, the guy you got out of the way 263 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,390 so you could keep his girlfriend for yourself? 264 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:30,767 Ten seconds! 265 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:33,562 I'm not talking to him. I don't want to talk to him. 266 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:36,440 - There's no way I'm talking to him. - Three, two... 267 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:38,150 Hi. We're back. 268 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,570 Roz, whom do we have on the line? 269 00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:42,947 We have Marco on line two. 270 00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:47,451 Who's this on line three? 271 00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:48,702 Oh, Todd. 272 00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:50,455 Oops. Darn, we lost Todd. 273 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,835 But lucky for you we still have Marco on line two. 274 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,254 Thank you, Roz. 275 00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:02,466 - Hello, Marco. - Hi, Dr. Crane. 276 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,635 I spoke to you the other day and I took your advice. 277 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:06,763 I broke up with my girlfriend. 278 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:11,559 Well, what can I say but, uh, "Bravo, Marco." 279 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:13,810 Roz, who's our next caller? 280 00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:15,897 Wait, you haven't heard my problem. 281 00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:18,857 I think she's already dating someone else. 282 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,317 It really makes me nuts. 283 00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,569 What makes you think she's seeing someone else? 284 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:26,031 Well, the other night, I couldn't get her on the phone. 285 00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:29,618 So I drove by her house and I saw her parked outside talking 286 00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,788 to some guy in a black BMW. 287 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:36,167 Did you, uh, you get a good look at the guy? 288 00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:42,214 No. It was too dark. 289 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,049 I think I made a big mistake, doc. 290 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:46,468 Do you think I should ask her to take me back? 291 00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:47,928 No! 292 00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:49,847 What I mean is, uh, no! 293 00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,974 Marco, you don't want your ex-girlfriend back. 294 00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,684 You just don't want anybody else to have her! 295 00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:55,811 Isn't that true? 296 00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:58,480 - Well, I... - No, it's called jealousy, Marco. 297 00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:02,234 Now you've got to stop spying on your ex-girlfriend and get on with your life. 298 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:06,029 Borrow a page from my book, move to a new city, a new state, 299 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,241 find out why everyone's talking about Pittsburgh. 300 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,371 We'll be right back after these messages. 301 00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,291 What? 302 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:23,296 - Thanks for coming to get me. - No problem, Frasier. 303 00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:26,466 It's only a few miles out of my way at rush hour. 304 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,051 But I didn't mind, really. 305 00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:30,304 It gave me a chance to listen to your show. 306 00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:31,806 I see. 307 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,559 I just have one question for you. 308 00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:37,477 Can you honestly tell me that the advice you gave Marco 309 00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:40,314 was based on his best interests and not on your own? 310 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:42,899 Well that's an interesting question, Niles. 311 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:45,152 And I'll tell you something, I don't care. 312 00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,904 I'm in love and I don't care. Catherine is mine now. 313 00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,866 I'm in and Marco's out. 314 00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,159 You're insane. 315 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,454 Perhaps. But you just ran a stop sign. 316 00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,623 Not now! We're in the middle of an intersection! 317 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:04,130 I'll tell you, Niles, I haven't felt this way in ages. 318 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:09,427 There's an excitement about this. I feel tingly! 319 00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:12,345 What does your stomach have to say about this? 320 00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:15,557 - My, stomach? - You know what I'm talking about. 321 00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:17,058 Ever since you were a child, 322 00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:19,227 if you even approached a breach of ethics you'd get queasy. 323 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,438 Actually, you'd get physically sick. 324 00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:25,066 Well, at least when it came to ethics I didn't get spontaneous nosebleeds. 325 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:28,653 Remember the time we lifted that dollar bill from Mom's change purse? 326 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:31,908 We left quite a gruesome trail back to the tree house that day. 327 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,495 But you see, Niles, you've proved my point. 328 00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,246 I'm not the least bit queasy. I'm fine. 329 00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,749 My head, my heart, my gastrointestinal system, 330 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:43,669 they're all shouting the same thing, "It's okay!" 331 00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,255 Niles, Niles, this is a new car? 332 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:48,965 Yes. Actually it is. 333 00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:51,385 A patient of mine got me a huge break on a lease. 334 00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:55,932 Frasier, do you have a handkerchief? 335 00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:07,067 Mm! That was the most delicious Salmon Marseilles I've ever tasted! 336 00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:10,321 Well, you should try my "salmon chanted evening." 337 00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:14,074 Tell me you didn't say that. 338 00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:17,995 No. It was just the Lafitte talking. "Lafitte don't fail me now!" 339 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,457 Come on! Stop! Stop! 340 00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:28,548 So, uh, have you ever made love in the kitchen? 341 00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:34,053 Well, the dishes are done. 342 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:57,033 - What's the matter? - I'm sorry. 343 00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:58,911 I'm suddenly feeling a little queasy. 344 00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:03,249 Maybe I'm just not a kitchen person. 345 00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:15,303 Well, maybe you're just a little too warm? 346 00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,804 - Yeah? - Oh, yeah. 347 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:18,848 Yeah, that's it. 348 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:22,685 - You know, you look awfully warm, too. - Oh, I am! 349 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,479 - Oh, my God! - Oh! 350 00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:43,288 I'm sorry, would you mind if we-- if we moved to the sofa? 351 00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:45,791 I'm not going to be outperformed by a Barcalounger. 352 00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,086 Oh, no, oh. 353 00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:51,922 - Oh, this, is... - Yes, it is-- 354 00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:04,559 What? Was I kneeling on you? 355 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,062 Maybe I need some fresh air. 356 00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:09,272 - Are you okay? - I'm fine! I'm fine! 357 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:10,858 Oh, damn, it wasn't the fish. 358 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:14,779 Well, you know there's a bug going around. 359 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:17,364 It's not a bug. 360 00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:18,658 Well, what is it, then? 361 00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:21,494 It's us. 362 00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:26,040 Every time we touch and kiss, I get queasy. 363 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,919 Wait, are you telling me the thought of making love to me 364 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,629 makes you sick to your stomach? 365 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,423 Yes! But don't take it personally. 366 00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:40,428 It's not you. 367 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:41,513 It's me. 368 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:46,393 Every time I come close to breaching my ethics, I end up getting sick. 369 00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:48,104 What are you talking about? 370 00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:52,691 Marco called into the show today and he said he was thinking 371 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,818 about getting back with you and I told him not to. 372 00:19:54,819 --> 00:19:57,279 - So? - So I just had a feeling that, 373 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,281 maybe I told him that not because it was good for him 374 00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,325 but because it was good for me. 375 00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:03,869 Frasier. 376 00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:05,746 Who cares? 377 00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:08,207 Well, I care. 378 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,543 Look, any psychiatrist worth his salt would care. 379 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:16,048 That's why we don't get involved with our patients, or their girlfriends. 380 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,677 Are you, are you saying you want to break up with me? 381 00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:22,888 No, I don't want to. I have to. 382 00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:25,641 If I don't, I'll throw up all over your shoes. 383 00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:31,105 I can't believe this is happening. 384 00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:35,066 - God, how can this be so easy for you? - Easy? 385 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:38,111 This is killing me! You think I don't want to pick you up right now, 386 00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:40,029 carry you over to that Eames Classic and show you 387 00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:42,533 why it's the best engineered chair in the world? 388 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:47,663 - Well, why don't you then? - I told you, I can't. 389 00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:51,459 And nothing I can say will change your mind? 390 00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:54,295 I'm sorry. 391 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,964 Well, thank you, Dr. Crane! 392 00:20:57,965 --> 00:21:01,719 First you screw things up with Marco and now you're dumping me. 393 00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:05,097 God! And to think I was going to have sex with you. 394 00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:08,058 And it was going to be hot. 395 00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:12,563 Oh, like you've never had before. 396 00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:18,693 I'm talking steamy, sweat dripping down your back, 397 00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:24,283 neighbors pounding on the walls, illegal in 48 states kind of sex! 398 00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:29,871 But, hey, you're okay, you won't be alone tonight. 399 00:21:29,872 --> 00:21:31,748 No, you've got your ethics! 400 00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:39,924 Oh, by the way, the fish was dry. 401 00:21:41,342 --> 00:21:43,177 Oh, that was a cheap shot! 402 00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:02,196 How I envy you, Eddie. 403 00:22:02,863 --> 00:22:06,199 The biggest questions you face are, "Who's going to walk me?" 404 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:07,576 "Who's going to feed me?" 405 00:22:08,577 --> 00:22:12,164 I won't know that kind of joy for another 40 years. 406 00:22:18,504 --> 00:22:20,630 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 407 00:22:20,631 --> 00:22:23,509 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 408 00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:25,593 ♪ Quite stylish ♪ 409 00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:27,846 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 410 00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:30,598 ♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 411 00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:32,725 ♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ 412 00:22:32,726 --> 00:22:34,394 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 413 00:22:34,395 --> 00:22:37,690 ♪ With those tossed salads And scrambled eggs ♪ 414 00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:40,442 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 415 00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:43,237 ♪ Goodnight, Seattle, we love you ♪