1 00:00:09,885 --> 00:00:10,927 Hello, Doug. 2 00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:12,637 This is Dr. Frasier Crane. 3 00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:13,554 I'm listening. 4 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,014 Yeah, well it's about my mother. 5 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,683 She's getting on now and she doesn't have much of a life. 6 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,102 And, I mean, she doesn't want to do anything 7 00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:21,270 or go anywhere. 8 00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,481 She literally hangs around the house all day. 9 00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:25,233 I mean, it's very frustrating. 10 00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:26,692 - And I think... - Doug. I'm sorry. 11 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:29,028 Can we just go back for a second? You said your mother 12 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,113 "literally" hangs around the house. 13 00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:34,492 Well, I suppose it's a pet peeve of mine 14 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:36,202 but what you mean to say is that 15 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,287 she figuratively hangs around the house. 16 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,122 To "literally" hang around the house, 17 00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:42,209 she'd have to be a bat or a spider monkey. 18 00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:45,211 Now back to your problem. 19 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,880 Do you mind if we stop while I tell you my pet peeve? 20 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:48,839 Well, not at all. 21 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,801 I hate it when intellectual pinheads 22 00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:55,054 with superiority complexes nit-pick your grammar 23 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,931 when you come to them for help. 24 00:00:56,932 --> 00:00:58,975 That's what I've got a problem with! 25 00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,896 I think what he means is, 26 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,606 that is a thing 27 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:07,109 with which he has a problem. 28 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:13,573 Well, it's time for a station break and we'll be right back 29 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,741 after a word from our friends at 30 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,119 Pizza-Pizza-Pizza. 31 00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:21,247 Hey, you want to hear my pet peeve? 32 00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:22,915 You're in a department store 33 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,126 and the clerk is right in the middle of helping you 34 00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:26,502 and the phone rings. 35 00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,462 So he starts taking care of them. 36 00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:30,798 And you're left standing there going, "Excuse me, 37 00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:33,551 but all I did was come all the way down here in person 38 00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:35,803 while some joker is sitting at home in his underwear 39 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:38,514 getting first-rate service." Don't you hate that? 40 00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:40,684 Well, actually, I do most of my shopping by phone. 41 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,562 Say, Roz, you know this conversation with Doug 42 00:01:44,563 --> 00:01:46,230 has got me thinking about my father. 43 00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:48,065 He doesn't do much of anything, either. 44 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:51,277 He just sits around most of the time watching TV 45 00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,904 and doing the occasional crossword puzzle. 46 00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:55,823 What does your mother do? 47 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:58,285 She's the Attorney General of Wisconsin. 48 00:01:59,036 --> 00:01:59,953 No, really. 49 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:02,414 Really. 50 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:07,294 Well, I guess that helps fill her day. 51 00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:10,546 Yeah, to quote Mom, "Crime never stops, 52 00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,048 even in the Dairy State." 53 00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:15,343 Yes, well, I don't think public office is for Dad 54 00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:19,180 but, uh, well maybe I could find him a hobby or something. 55 00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:20,348 You got any suggestions? 56 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:21,974 Well, in her spare time, 57 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,976 Mom likes to water ski a little. 58 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,436 She hikes, oil paints. 59 00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:27,396 Oh! She likes archaeology. 60 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:29,149 She's on a dig in Honduras right now. 61 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,570 Well, maybe I could get him a wood-burning set. 62 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:40,576 ls Dad still asleep? 63 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,578 Yes. He's napping with the dog. 64 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,538 Eddie's little legs are going like mad. 65 00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:46,582 I think he's dreaming of chasing rabbits. 66 00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,960 I can't explain your father's twitching. 67 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,255 I'm just about done with this thing. 68 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:55,633 - I think your Dad's going to love it. - Yeah, me too. 69 00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:58,344 I was walking through the hobby shop. I saw this and it was, "Eureka." 70 00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:00,639 I said to myself, I actually said, "Eureka." 71 00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:04,351 Ah, yes. 72 00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:08,480 There are a million stories in the naked city. 73 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,566 Now if we could just find a naked one. 74 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,860 Dr. Crane. 75 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,529 You naughty boy. 76 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:20,408 - Peeking in on other people's privacy. - Oh, Daphne, really! 77 00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:22,993 I mean, if people were so concerned about their precious privacy, 78 00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:25,496 would they leave their blinds open at that certain angle 79 00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:27,164 where you can see the mirror over the mantle 80 00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,668 that reflects down the hall to the waterbed in the back room? 81 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:33,170 I think I hear your father coming. 82 00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:35,716 Stand in front of it. We'll make this a little surprise. 83 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,134 Hi, guys. 84 00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:39,552 - Dad. - How was your nap? 85 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,637 Great. But I had the strangest dream. 86 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:45,392 I dreamt this beautiful woman with bad breath was licking my face. 87 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,440 Hey, where'd you just come from? 88 00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,861 Dad, I've got a surprise for you. 89 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,946 - Hey, a telescope! - Isn't that neat? 90 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,823 That's a beaut! What's the occasion? 91 00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:02,700 There's no occasion. I just thought you'd like it. 92 00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:03,951 Well, that's great! 93 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,453 Thanks! 94 00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:08,164 You know I saw in the news there's a bunch of falcons 95 00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:10,207 nesting in the eaves of the Columbia Tower. 96 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:13,085 - Maybe I can watch them from here. - Dad, Dad, forget the falcons. 97 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:16,756 You can see everything that's going on in that apartment building over there. 98 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,008 Hey, I've locked people up for that kind of behavior. 99 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,301 Come on, it's perfectly innocent. 100 00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:23,013 Just think of it as having a hundred more channels to watch. 101 00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:26,390 Just look at them. 102 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,934 People going about their lives. 103 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,187 There's an old couple watching the telly. 104 00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:35,149 Oh, and just next door an attractive young woman is working at her computer. 105 00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,358 While below her, 106 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:40,780 a burly man is using a beach towel to sop up a large pool of blood. 107 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,866 - Oh, my gosh! - What? 108 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:44,910 Dad... 109 00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:49,331 No, that's tomato juice. You can see the can on the counter. 110 00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,583 You were right about that woman at the computer, though. 111 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:53,584 She's a looker. 112 00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:56,213 Now you see, there's a voyeur in all of us. 113 00:04:56,838 --> 00:05:01,217 Now let's see what else the Seattle skyline has to offer. 114 00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,052 I say we make a strict rule, though. 115 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,763 If anybody starts doing anything nasty, we move on. 116 00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:06,598 Agreed? 117 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,602 I said, agreed? 118 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:12,896 Yeah, yeah. 119 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:15,356 Whoa! 120 00:05:15,357 --> 00:05:18,235 There's a lady over there with a telescope. She's looking back at us. 121 00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,363 - What shall we do? - Hide! 122 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,406 I knew it! I knew it! 123 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,243 Every time I do something bad I get caught! 124 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:28,953 Hi! 125 00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,080 How are you doing? 126 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,251 - What are you doing? - She's waving at us. I'm waving back. 127 00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:36,919 - Don't do that! - Why not? 128 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,797 Hey, wait, she's writing something down. 129 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:41,090 She's holding it up. 130 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:44,301 It says, "Hello there, stranger." 131 00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,262 Hey, Daphne, quick. Get me that pad and pen. 132 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:47,513 Wait, wait, wait! What for? 133 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:48,889 I'm gonna answer her. 134 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,350 - Dad! - Write down, "My name is Martin." 135 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,686 Dad, Dad, you shouldn't encourage this person. 136 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:56,105 I don't really want people looking in on our lives. 137 00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,816 I don't think I made my bed today! 138 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:01,236 - Is she writing anything else? - Yes. 139 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,822 "My name is Irene." Her name's Irene. 140 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,241 - Her name's Irene. - Thank you. 141 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,410 Wait. She's writing something else. 142 00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:13,665 "Is that Dr. Crane from the radio hiding near the fireplace?" 143 00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:17,168 It does not say that! 144 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,046 It does say that. 145 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:24,551 Hello. 146 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:29,680 Her oldest son's an accountant in Portland. 147 00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,640 He was the breech birth, right? 148 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,560 No. That's the dentist in Boise. 149 00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:35,394 Oh, right. 150 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,940 He's the one with the wife that won't let him visit. I can't stand her. 151 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,902 Good morning, Dad, Daphne. 152 00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:43,445 Morning, Irene. 153 00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:46,655 Listen, Frasier, when you were a kid, 154 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:49,242 what was the name of that skin condition you had on your butt? 155 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,953 Pityriasis Rose a. 156 00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,663 - How do you spell that? - Why? 157 00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:57,083 Irene and I are exchanging family histories. 158 00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,628 Dad, I really don't think your girlfriend needs to know about that. 159 00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,296 She's not my girlfriend! 160 00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:05,841 Oh, come on! You two have been exchanging notes now for the last three days. 161 00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:10,263 If you were in the sixth grade you'd be sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. 162 00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:15,142 - Here, Daphne, let me borrow that pen. - What are you doing? 163 00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:19,272 Well, I'm going to help along your little romance and possibly save a small forest. 164 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,609 I'm giving her our telephone number. 165 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,444 No, no, no, no, no, no! Don't do that! 166 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,238 - Why? - Well, she'll think I'm being too forward! 167 00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:31,117 For God's sake, Dad, you met peeping into her apartment. 168 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,036 - She's not gonna call. - You want to bet? 169 00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:35,579 - Yeah, five bucks. - Okay. 170 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,251 - Well, are you going to answer? - You get it. 171 00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,837 Dad, it's for you. 172 00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:50,344 Hello. 173 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,304 No, no, this is Frasier. Hi. 174 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,139 I'm fine. 175 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:55,892 Well, it, uh... 176 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,770 gets a little flaky when the weather's dry. 177 00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:03,440 Tell her I'm not home. 178 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,234 Oh, Dad, she knows you're home. 179 00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,403 She's looking at you through the telescope. 180 00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,489 Come on, you're just a little nervous. 181 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:12,617 Hello? 182 00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,036 Hi. 183 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,873 Yeah, it's nice hearing yours. 184 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:22,961 Can you hold on a minute? 185 00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,005 Would you two get out of here? 186 00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,927 I'm getting a very good feeling about this. 187 00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:32,970 Really? 188 00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:36,016 - You really think he's interested in her? - Yes. I think so. 189 00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,686 Do you want to hear something cute, Dr. Crane? 190 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:43,439 I made him this rich, gooey coffee cake this morning 191 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,983 because you know what a sweet tooth he has. 192 00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:47,818 And he wouldn't even take one bite. 193 00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:52,031 Because, as he put it, "Women don't like a spare tire on a man." 194 00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:54,659 That's so cute. 195 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:59,246 Oh, it's funny, you know, the twists and turns of fate. 196 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:00,873 If I had tried to set Dad up with a woman, 197 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,375 he would have rejected the idea out of hand. 198 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:07,463 I go out, get him this telescope for a hobby and it kindles this romance. 199 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:08,715 Kismet. 200 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:20,393 Well? 201 00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,019 What? 202 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,229 - What happened? - We talked on the phone. 203 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:25,814 And? Was she nice? 204 00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,274 Was she interesting? 205 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,650 What did she say? 206 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,110 She said a lot of stuff. 207 00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:33,697 So it's safe to assume that you two will be, uh, seeing each other? 208 00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:35,657 Well, she wanted to but I said no. 209 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:37,117 No? Why? 210 00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:38,328 She's not my type. 211 00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:42,164 Whoa! Coffee cake! 212 00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:43,917 Hey, we got any butter around here? 213 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:54,259 You know Brewster Kale, the pompous twit who's the president of my wine club? 214 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,428 Well, at our meeting the other night, 215 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,472 I convinced some of my fellow psychiatrists 216 00:09:58,473 --> 00:09:59,973 to play a little prank on him. 217 00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,267 When he thought he was tasting a Chateau Petrus, 218 00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:05,021 he was, in fact, sipping a Forcas Dupre. 219 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,858 You see we'd switched the labels. 220 00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:12,612 What scamps you are. 221 00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:17,407 There he was proclaiming the Petrus to be the superior wine. 222 00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:19,701 And of course none of us could contain our laughter. 223 00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:23,206 His face must have turned redder than a Pichon-Longueville. 224 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:29,212 Well, of course, as so often happens, roughhouse turns to tears. 225 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:38,178 At the end of the evening, Brewster tendered his resignation. 226 00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,389 That must have put a damper on the evening. 227 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,225 No, not really. I'm the new president. 228 00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:44,894 Kudos indeed. 229 00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,355 Oh! Oh! Oh! 230 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:51,066 Are Dad and his lady friend still playing telescope footsy? 231 00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:53,443 - What was her name? - Uh, Irene. 232 00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:55,155 No, they, they've broken it off. 233 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,240 Already? I thought it was going so well. 234 00:10:58,241 --> 00:10:59,158 Well, it was. 235 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:02,703 And then they spoke once and then Dad said that she wasn't his type. 236 00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:04,038 So it's over, it's done. 237 00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,373 He's completely cut her out of his life. 238 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,959 I just don't understand what would make him do that. 239 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,087 Oh, who knows why anybody does anything. 240 00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,506 Remind me again what you do for a living. 241 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:18,010 You see the thing is it was just one phone call. 242 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,095 How can anyone make a sound judgment about another person 243 00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:22,514 on the basis of one phone call? 244 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,601 Remind me again what it is you do for a living. 245 00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:30,106 Well, anyway, I suppose it could be any number of reasons, 246 00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,816 fear of rejection, shyness-- 247 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:35,528 Or maybe Dad was telling the truth and she just wasn't his type. 248 00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:37,779 If only we knew someone who was. 249 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:38,615 I know! 250 00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:42,618 Maris' lovely Aunt Patrice is in town visiting from Washington D.C. 251 00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:43,535 Ooh, ooh, ooh. 252 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,495 - Maybe we should set Dad up with her. - No. 253 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:47,497 No, Niles, I've met Aunt Patrice. 254 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:48,708 The woman is a loon. 255 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,335 Frasier, do this for me. 256 00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:54,254 Every time Aunt Patrice comes to visit, Maris makes all these plans, 257 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,298 then she dives under the duvet with a two-week migraine 258 00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:59,427 and I'm left holding the bag, literally and figuratively. 259 00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:05,682 You know, I don't think so, Niles. I know Dad. Don't meddle. 260 00:12:05,683 --> 00:12:06,517 All right. 261 00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:09,269 The least you could do is say hello to Aunt Patrice. 262 00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:10,604 I'm not driving out to your house. 263 00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:12,607 You don't have to. She's sitting out in the car. 264 00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,068 You left her in the car? 265 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,987 - I cracked open a window. - Well, then she's fine. 266 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,992 No, no, no. Calm down, son. 267 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,494 Just, no, listen to Daddy. 268 00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,788 It's just a bad dream. 269 00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:29,414 I promise you. 270 00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,668 Senator Thurmond is not in your closet. 271 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,046 That's a good boy. 272 00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:37,172 All right. 273 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:39,091 Okay. Yes, you go back to bed now. 274 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,717 Yeah, I love you, too. 275 00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:42,719 Listen, I'll see you next weekend. 276 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,472 Okay. Bye, bye. 277 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,890 How's Freddy? 278 00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,434 Oh, Frederick is fine. 279 00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:52,271 Oh, he sends his love. Says to thank you for the toy gun you gave him. 280 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,815 At least what he can remember of it before Lilith smashed it to bits 281 00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,025 with a croquet mallet. 282 00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:59,903 Oh, it's such a beautiful night. 283 00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:02,322 The city is lit up like a jewel. 284 00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:03,490 Oh, look! 285 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:04,700 There's Irene. 286 00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:08,121 She's sitting in her window wearing a stunning green dress. 287 00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:11,916 But her face, it's so sad. 288 00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:18,047 Oh! Oh. She's holding a note. 289 00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:22,093 It says, "Martin, was it something I wrote?" 290 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,178 Will you cut it out? 291 00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:27,222 Irene is not sitting in her window. 292 00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:28,724 Oh, all right, Dad! No, she isn't. 293 00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:31,268 But she might as well be. That's got to be what she's thinking! 294 00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,104 You ever met a woman then decide she's not the one? 295 00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:36,524 Yes! Five years after I married her. 296 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,443 Hello there, Frasier. 297 00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:42,697 Niles, I was specifically not expecting you. 298 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,366 Frasier, you remember Aunt Patrice? 299 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,660 Well, of course. Of course. Aunt Patrice, yes. 300 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,454 I don't recall really when we met, 301 00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:53,498 but, um, I believe there was a lot of laughing and dancing. 302 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:54,791 My husband's funeral. 303 00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:57,169 Yes. Of course. 304 00:13:57,170 --> 00:14:00,213 Well, of course, the laughter was, you know, to hide our tears. 305 00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:02,424 - Yes. Thank you. - Let me take your wrap. 306 00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:04,426 We were taking a drive and I thought, 307 00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:07,555 "My, we're just a couple of short ferry rides from Frasier's." So... 308 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:11,683 we decided to pop over. 309 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:12,976 Niles! 310 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:16,104 Is this the charming gentleman you were telling me about? 311 00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:17,689 Oh, Patrice, you bloodhound. 312 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,067 You've tree'd another one. 313 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,444 Yes, this is my dad. 314 00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:24,279 How do you do, Patrice. I'm Martin Crane. 315 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,989 - How do you do? - This is Daphne Moon. 316 00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,824 - How do you do. - Nice to meet you. Please. 317 00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:28,659 Thank you. 318 00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,953 - So, what brings you to Seattle? - Well, I came to see Maris. 319 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,705 But the poor thing's taken to her bed again. 320 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,958 To this day I have no idea how tall she is. 321 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:40,962 Yes, so I've had Patrice all to myself 322 00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:43,006 and we've had a great time, haven't we? 323 00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:46,468 Well, if you call sitting in your waiting room for four hours reading old magazines 324 00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:49,680 a great time, well then, yes, we had a laugh riot. 325 00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,726 Now I know where Maris gets her sense of humor. 326 00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:59,815 Why don't I pop into the kitchen and get us all some refreshments. 327 00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:02,901 A capital idea. And why don't Frasier and I join you. 328 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,738 That will give these kids some time to get to know one another. 329 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,657 Niles, I distinctly told you not to bring her here. 330 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:12,119 I ran out of ways to entertain her. We went to the arboretum, a fashion show, 331 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,370 a matinee of La Cage Aux Folies, 332 00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:16,332 we even spat off the top of the Space Needle. I'm sorry. I cracked! 333 00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:23,630 Niles, that woman is certainly not Dad's type. 334 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:25,882 You never know when love can bloom between two people 335 00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:28,593 who seem so different on the surface, do you, Daphne? 336 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:31,847 To tell you the truth, I never thought opposites attract. 337 00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,723 Neither do I. We're alike in so many ways. 338 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:37,519 Oh, come on, Niles. We can't leave Dad out there alone with her any longer. 339 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,062 I'm sure they're doing just fine. 340 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,982 D-go y-gou sp-geak, "G" sp-geak? 341 00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:45,110 - Oh, Lord, I was afraid of this. - What? 342 00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,905 D-go y-gou sp-geak "G" sp-geak? 343 00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:50,908 Niles, I think she's having a stroke or something. 344 00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:56,997 - No, no, Dad. It's just "G Speak." - Come again? 345 00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:59,374 It's something Maris and Patrice love to trot out at parties. 346 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:00,500 Yes! 347 00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:02,794 You see you just put a "G" in every syllable. 348 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,255 So you'd be M-gart-a-gin Cr-gane. 349 00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:06,716 Just, just say it with me. 350 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,926 M-gart-a-gin... 351 00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,971 I don't think Dad is interested. 352 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,265 Oh, b-ge a-ga sp-Gort, N-gites. 353 00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:17,559 - What did she say? - She said, "Be a sport, Niles." 354 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,479 B-ge a-ga sp-Gort, N-gites! 355 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,648 Dad, do you still have your billy club? 356 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:25,109 It's in my top drawer. 357 00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,027 Isn't it a hoot? 358 00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:28,987 You know, it's all the rage in Washington. 359 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,114 Well, of course you know who speaks it all the time? 360 00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:33,201 G-George Sta-geph-a-gan-a-gop-a-gol-a-gis. 361 00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:39,331 I found some pizza rolls in the back of the freezer 362 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,458 but the expiration date was yesterday. 363 00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,584 Are we game? 364 00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,336 That won't be necessary, Daphne. 365 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,297 We don't want to spoil our appetites for that dinner 366 00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:48,965 we're about to leave for in, oh, 20 minutes. 367 00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:52,052 Yes! That's right, the dinner in 20 minutes. 368 00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:54,971 Oh, Niles! I told you we shouldn't have just stopped by. 369 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,640 These people have plans. 370 00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:57,558 How I envy them. 371 00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:01,311 It was such a pleasure meeting you, Martin. 372 00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:02,229 Likewise. 373 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:05,650 Oh, now, you can do better than that! 374 00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:13,365 I'll look forward to my next trip to Seattle. 375 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:14,366 Great. 376 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,244 Oh, if you're ever in the Washington area, I'm in the b-gook! 377 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,246 Bye, bye. 378 00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:23,251 What the hell was that? 379 00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:27,629 I feel sorry for the poor thing. 380 00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:29,130 I feel sorry for Niles. 381 00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,716 That's who I'm talking about. 382 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:36,471 You know, I saw what you just did. 383 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,014 What did I do? 384 00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:40,350 When Patrice went to hug you, you moved away. 385 00:17:40,351 --> 00:17:41,893 Wouldn't you? 386 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,395 No, Dad, no. 387 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,146 You moved away from the window. 388 00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:47,065 You didn't want Irene to see you with another woman. 389 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,693 - You still care about her. - Oh, go chase yourself. 390 00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:51,779 Dad! You do! 391 00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,698 There's something stopping you from having a relationship 392 00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:55,991 with this woman. Now what is it? 393 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,993 Boy, you aren't going to let go of this thing. 394 00:17:57,994 --> 00:17:59,245 No, I'm not! 395 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:00,913 All right. 396 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:05,166 - Irene's middle name is Rose. - So? 397 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,293 Rose is a nice name. 398 00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:07,670 Rose was Mother's middle name. 399 00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:11,215 Oh. 400 00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:12,967 Yeah. 401 00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:15,553 Oh, Dad. 402 00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,598 But you can't feel guilty about that. 403 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:23,351 You know, jeez, Mom's been gone for six years now. 404 00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:26,688 Your feelings for Irene are totally separate from your feelings for Mom. 405 00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:28,231 If she were here, if she could tell you, 406 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,233 she would want you to get on with your life. 407 00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:31,068 Okay. 408 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,071 When I'm ready. 409 00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:35,905 Thanks, Frasier. 410 00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:40,411 You know, I guess I don't say it often enough but you're a good kid. 411 00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,537 Well, thanks, Dad. 412 00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:44,623 You know, there's something I don't say often enough... 413 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,626 There's nothing you don't say often enough. 414 00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:49,587 Right, Dad. 415 00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:56,259 I couldn't help but overhear. 416 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:58,219 That was a very nice thing to say. 417 00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,513 Yeah. He's a good kid. 418 00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:05,686 The only strange part is, I could have sworn Irene's middle name was Marie. 419 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:07,437 No, it isn't. 420 00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:10,398 Well, I can go check. I still have all our notes in the trash. 421 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:11,650 All right. All right. 422 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,610 I had to tell him something. 423 00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,320 We, I don't know why 424 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:19,282 but he just won't believe me when I tell him that Irene just isn't my type. 425 00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,077 You sure she isn't? 426 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:25,664 - Are you gonna get on my back, too? - No. But I was just wondering 427 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:30,586 if the reason why things didn't work out between you and Irene was, well... 428 00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:32,337 What? 429 00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:36,884 Well, maybe if you just weren't a little self-conscious about your hip. 430 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,387 That's ridiculous. 431 00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:43,223 Well, I'm glad to hear that because you really don't have anything 432 00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:46,768 to be self-conscious about, you know. With that silvery mane, 433 00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,978 twinkling blue eyes and whiskey voice, 434 00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:50,648 you're quite a package. 435 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:55,485 - Yeah, I'm quite a catch. - You are. 436 00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:59,657 And you know as well as I do that history is full of sexy limpers. 437 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:04,369 For instance, Franklin Delano Roosevelt. 438 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,497 Of course he didn't limp so much as roll. 439 00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:10,041 Oh, I know, Toulouse Lautrec. 440 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,127 Although, he was rather a little person. 441 00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:14,796 Still, he did do rather well with the ladies. 442 00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,966 Of course, they were all prostitutes. 443 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:21,512 But then he was French and there's no explaining their taste. 444 00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,431 What's your point? 445 00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:25,974 I guess I don't have one. 446 00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:28,018 It's just me running on the way I do. 447 00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:30,521 But there is one last little thing. 448 00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:34,941 I did notice that every time you went to the telescope to see Irene, 449 00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,444 you hid your cane. 450 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:43,743 I just put it off to the side so I wouldn't trip over the damn thing. 451 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,453 I knew there was a good reason. 452 00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:49,290 It must feel awful silly when that cane trips you up. 453 00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,005 Dad! 454 00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:58,131 Dad, will you hurry up? 455 00:20:58,132 --> 00:20:59,549 She's gonna be here any minute! 456 00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:00,633 All right. All right. 457 00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:03,219 Daphne, see if I got this tie on right. 458 00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:05,347 It just needs a minor adjustment. 459 00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:07,640 What's all this hair on it? 460 00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:10,811 The only way I can get the knot right is if I tie it on Eddie first. 461 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,942 Boy, it's been a long time since I've been dating. 462 00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:20,528 Have things changed much in the last 40 years? 463 00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:23,656 Well, the wardrobe's a little different but, um, 464 00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:26,494 your ultimate goal is still the same. 465 00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,164 Dad, I'm glad you changed your mind about this. 466 00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:32,916 Yeah. Me, too. 467 00:21:32,917 --> 00:21:34,919 - Thanks for our little talk. - Yeah, my pleasure. 468 00:21:35,878 --> 00:21:36,961 Now, let's see here. 469 00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:38,546 - Okay, you've got a hanky in there. - Yeah. 470 00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:39,798 Terrific. All right. 471 00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:41,508 - Have you got your keys? - Yep. 472 00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:43,551 - Not going to be out too late, are you? - Frasier! 473 00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:45,179 Dad, I'm just busting your chops here. 474 00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:49,307 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. 475 00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:51,643 Will you two relax? 476 00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:53,186 A word to the wise, though, 477 00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:56,607 if she asks you up to her place after dinner, close the drapes. 478 00:22:06,408 --> 00:22:07,326 Hi, Irene. 479 00:22:09,745 --> 00:22:11,163 Nice to finally meet you. 480 00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:20,129 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 481 00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:23,008 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 482 00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:25,093 ♪ Mercy ♪ 483 00:22:25,094 --> 00:22:27,345 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 484 00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:30,098 ♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 485 00:22:30,099 --> 00:22:32,225 ♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ 486 00:22:32,226 --> 00:22:33,893 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 487 00:22:33,894 --> 00:22:37,231 ♪ With those tossed salads And scrambled eggs ♪ 488 00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:39,817 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 489 00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:42,444 ♪ Goodnight, everybody ♪