1 00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,438 Dad, he's doing it again. 2 00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,774 Must this dog stare at me all the time? 3 00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:27,152 I don't know. Eddie, must you? 4 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:30,531 Apparently, he must. 5 00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:34,660 What is so fascinating about me? What is it? 6 00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:38,413 In your eyes, is my head a large piece of kibble? 7 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:43,293 Am I some sort of canine enigma? 8 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,005 Think about it. Get back to me. 9 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,924 Here we go, gents. Dinner's up. 10 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,592 Can I give you a hand clearing your papers? 11 00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:52,969 No, you better let me. 12 00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,804 I need these in a particular order. 13 00:00:54,805 --> 00:00:56,181 What is all this, anyway? 14 00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:59,100 It's an old case of mine from the police force. 15 00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:00,726 The Weeping Lotus murder. 16 00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:03,521 Dad, I can't believe you're still trotting this out. 17 00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:05,398 He's been trying to solve this case for 20 years. 18 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,442 And I'm not stopping till I do solve it. 19 00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:10,152 You develop certain instincts when you're a cop. 20 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:12,947 And my instinct tells me that this case can be cracked. 21 00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:15,741 There just must be one small thing I keep overlooking. 22 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,995 There is: who the murderer was. 23 00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:24,585 - It's nice you're still so dedicated. - It's a hobby. 24 00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:27,128 Some guys build a boat in the garage. 25 00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:29,797 I try to figure out why a maniac would kill a hooker 26 00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,717 and try to stuff her entire body into a bowling bag. 27 00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:34,344 - It's relaxing. - Hmm. 28 00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:38,139 - Hello, Niles. - Sorry I'm late, Frasier. 29 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,932 Just as we were leaving, Maris had a run-in 30 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,809 with a rude directory assistance operator, 31 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,477 and it shattered her calm. 32 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:47,481 Niles, have you ever considered that maybe Maris is a bit high-strung? 33 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,734 - Maybe she should see someone. - She's seen everyone. 34 00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,820 Why do you think she was calling directory assistance? 35 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,031 Evening, Dr. Crane. 36 00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:57,075 Hello, Daphne. So good to see you again. 37 00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,077 What an enchanting scent you're wearing. 38 00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:01,663 Must be the ranch dressing. 39 00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:04,874 Won't Mrs. Crane be coming? 40 00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,208 No, I'm afraid not. 41 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:09,253 And, please, no more of this "Dr. and Mrs. Crane" formality. 42 00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:12,840 To you, it's Niles and... uh... 43 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,009 - Maris. - Yes, Maris. 44 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:20,015 - Glad you could join us, Niles. - Oh, I wouldn't have missed it. 45 00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:24,268 Well, I guess the food's all ready. Why don't we start? 46 00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:26,854 - Well, enjoy. - Where are you going? 47 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,648 I thought I'd have mine in the kitchen. 48 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:29,940 Don't be ridiculous. 49 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,986 We can't have you eating by yourself in the kitchen. I'll join you. 50 00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:37,448 We're all eating right here, like a family. 51 00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:38,492 End of discussion. 52 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,494 Well, isn't this nice? 53 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,912 Feels just like home. 54 00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:44,498 - I'm famished. - Me too. 55 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,792 You boys still say a prayer before you eat? 56 00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:50,586 - Oh, almost forgot. Yes, yes. - Mm. Oh, every time. 57 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,967 We thank you, Lord, for the food we're about to eat. 58 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,221 You have blessed our table with your bounty. 59 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,183 And thank you, Lord, for bringing this family together. 60 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:07,520 And we also thank you for the other gifts you've bestowed upon us. 61 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,897 And may we always remember to share 62 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:12,400 - with those less fortunate. - Oh, will you stop staring?! 63 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:13,443 I wasn't staring. 64 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:21,827 Amen. 65 00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:30,710 So, Frasier, did you happen to read Derek Mann's column today? 66 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,670 - You were mentioned. - No. I missed it. 67 00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:34,338 Just as well. It wasn't flattering. 68 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:35,881 Still, I'd like to have seen it. 69 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:37,634 Oh, well, why didn't you say so? 70 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,430 If I may ask, who's Derek Mann? 71 00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:44,765 He writes that "Mann About Town" column for the Times. 72 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,809 Boy, the things that guy comes out with. 73 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,187 Sometimes he's really funny. What did he say about you? 74 00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,523 "I hate Frasier Crane." 75 00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:55,652 Oh, sorry. 76 00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:58,988 That's it? "I hate Frasier Crane"? 77 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,906 - That's it. - Ah, don't let it bother you. 78 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,366 Well, actually, it doesn't, Dad. 79 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,410 I knew when I chose a career in the public eye 80 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:08,330 that I'd be open to certain criticism. It's the price I pay for my celebrity. 81 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,875 But thank you, Niles, for bringing me the paper. 82 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:13,462 And thank you for highlighting it in yellow. 83 00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,800 Now who would like some wine? 84 00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:22,386 - I'll have some. - Daphne, the salad is exquisite. 85 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:23,929 And why would he say that? 86 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,433 Must be the carrots. He always did like them. 87 00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,727 Not the salad. Derek Mann. 88 00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:33,063 Why would he write a thing like that? I've never done anything to him. 89 00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:35,483 I mean, this attack is totally unwarranted. 90 00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:38,444 - I'm a healer, for God's sake. - Oh, for crying out loud. 91 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,654 I have every right to be upset about this. 92 00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,616 I will not enjoy my dinner until this is where it belongs, 93 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,575 in the trash. 94 00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:46,911 Oh, oh. There was an article I wanted to save. 95 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:49,830 - On what? - Uh-- Nothing. 96 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,832 - Come on, I'm interested. - Oh, let's drop it. 97 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,209 Why can't you tell me? 98 00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:55,669 All right. It all was about Margaret Thatcher's secret 99 00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:58,089 for growing prizewinning zinnias. Are you happy? 100 00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:01,134 Not really. 101 00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:09,892 All right, Lorraine, now, calm down 102 00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,977 and try to listen to what I'm going to say to you. 103 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,896 - Will you do that? - Okay. 104 00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:16,232 All right. Good girl. Now, your problem-- 105 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:19,026 Oh, my gosh. That's call waiting. 106 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:22,446 Someone else is trying to get through. Do you mind if I take it? 107 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:23,615 No, no. Go right ahead. 108 00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:28,619 Well, it's certainly a very interesting situation she's got herself in. 109 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:29,913 Don't you think so, Roz? 110 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:34,668 Yes. 111 00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,964 - Okay, I'm back. - All right, Lorraine. 112 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,882 Now listen very carefully to what I'm going to tell you. 113 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,384 Your problem seems to-- 114 00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:46,471 Oh, I'm sorry. I'll be right back. 115 00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:51,016 Oh. For someone who's got so many problems, 116 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,602 she certainly is popular. 117 00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:57,231 Okay. Go ahead, Dr. Crane. I'm here. 118 00:05:57,232 --> 00:06:00,234 Oh! I don't believe this. Another call. 119 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:01,945 Now hold it right there, Lorraine. 120 00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,029 The reason you want to take that call 121 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,031 is the same reason you want to change your career 122 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,575 and break up with your boyfriend. 123 00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:10,078 You're obsessed with what you think you're missing, 124 00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:13,373 the "better offer" the "call on the other line." 125 00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:16,960 Well, you've got to take one call at a time from now on. 126 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:20,838 Fully explore and experience each one in its turn, 127 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,299 and you'll be a stronger person for it. 128 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:26,970 - Do you follow me, Lorraine? - Okay, I'm back! 129 00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,437 Thank you for your call. 130 00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:41,358 We've only got a few minutes left, so I would like to end today's program 131 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,111 on a personal note. 132 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,947 As some of you may know, yesterday I was mentioned 133 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,950 in Derek Mann's "Mann About Town" column. 134 00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:55,290 He said, and I quote, "I hate Frasier Crane." 135 00:06:57,334 --> 00:07:00,670 "I hate Frasier Crane." 136 00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,799 What trenchant criticism. 137 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,718 Move aside, Voltaire. 138 00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:10,095 Step back into the shadows, H.L. Mencken. 139 00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,514 There's a new kid in town. 140 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:16,560 One can only wonder how many hours 141 00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:19,605 Derek Mann sat in the glow of his computer screen 142 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:22,359 before his trembling fingers sprang to life 143 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:25,111 and pecked out this chef d'oeuvre... 144 00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:29,366 "I hate Frasier Crane." 145 00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:33,077 A lesser critic would have wasted our time 146 00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:36,705 by presenting a well-thought-out point-by-point 147 00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:39,166 constructive critique of this show. 148 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:41,378 But, no, not our Mr. Mann. 149 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,004 So, dear listeners, 150 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,548 when Mr. Mann's column arrives on your doorstep, 151 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:50,552 read it, enjoy it, but above all, treasure it. 152 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:55,433 For one day, this man will be joining the pantheon of the immortals. 153 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:59,437 And if we're lucky, it will be one day soon. 154 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,358 I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. 155 00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,034 Frasier, how funny running into you here. 156 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:14,952 I'm always here. 157 00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:17,664 You weren't here 20 minutes ago. Have you seen today's Times? 158 00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:19,249 No. 159 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:24,211 Lucky for you, I saved you this copy. Look at Derek Mann's column. 160 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:26,213 This is the second time in as many days 161 00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:28,090 that you've given me a paper. 162 00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:30,301 Have you ever considered getting yourself a route? 163 00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,221 Hello. I don't believe we've met. 164 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,807 Oh-- Yes, we have, Niles, three or four times. 165 00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:37,891 Roz Doyle. 166 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:40,020 Oh, of course. It was at the, uh... 167 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,814 It was during the, uh... 168 00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:46,108 I'm far too successful to feel awkward. 169 00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,068 Where did we meet? 170 00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:50,947 The radio station. 171 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,700 I'll take your word for it. Nice to see you again. 172 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,493 Apparently, Mr. Mann heard your program yesterday. 173 00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:57,370 So I see. 174 00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:01,206 "Yesterday afternoon, Dr. Frasier Crane got on my case 175 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,751 for not giving him a point-by-point criticism 176 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:04,835 of his radio show. 177 00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:07,588 Well, he asked for it, so here goes." 178 00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:10,674 Oh, my God. His entire column is about your show. 179 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:11,967 Not very flattering, either. 180 00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:15,471 Toward the end, he even attacks your "dim-witted sidekick call screener." 181 00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,848 That's me. 182 00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:18,975 Oh, now I remember you. 183 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:25,773 "It's hard to say what to hate most about Crane's show: 184 00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:28,067 his pompous, sanctimonious style, 185 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:31,487 his constant self-congratulatory references to his own life, 186 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,072 or his voice, 187 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,283 a mock-sympathetic tone so sickly sweet 188 00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:39,119 one wonders if the man graduated from medical school 189 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,581 or from some mind-controlling cult." 190 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,793 - It's continued on 12. - I've read enough. 191 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,419 Can I get you anything? 192 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,588 How could the man say something like that? 193 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,382 It's my job. I'm a waiter. 194 00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:55,094 We don't want anything, thank you. 195 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,012 Listen, Frasier, I know this stinks, 196 00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,598 but in a couple of days, it'll blow over. 197 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:02,476 Oh, perhaps you're right. As angry as it makes me, 198 00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:05,354 to retaliate would be to stoop to his level. 199 00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,524 The best response is no response at all. 200 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:11,402 Pompous and sanctimonious, am I? 201 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:15,030 Well, this Mann character can't even write grammatical sentences. 202 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:18,784 Every five words, there's another one of his precious dot-dot-dots. 203 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,661 Must be because he likes making those dots 204 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:23,164 with the crayon he writes this drivel with. 205 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:28,502 Dr. Crane, on line two, we have Stewart, 206 00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:31,213 who's having a problem with delayed gratification. 207 00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:32,841 Well, he's just gonna have to wait. 208 00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,094 I don't know who this Derek Mann thinks he is, 209 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:39,346 but if he thinks he can hide behind his newspaper 210 00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:42,641 like some sniveling schoolchild cowering behind a tree, 211 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,561 then I say let's expose this Derek Mann for what he is, 212 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:48,022 not a man at all but half a man. 213 00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,567 What line did you say Stewart was on? 214 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,234 He hung up. 215 00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,529 Well, I'm leaving all sorts of bodies in my wake today. 216 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,323 Let's see who's on line five. 217 00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:01,452 Hello. This is Dr. Frasier Crane. I'm listening. 218 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,329 Good, 'cause I was listening too. 219 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,457 - And you are? - Derek Mann. 220 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:08,835 I see. 221 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:15,091 Look, nobody calls me half a man, especially some Ivy League twit. 222 00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:18,136 So, what do you say we settle this like men? 223 00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:21,638 Are you implying that you want to fight me? 224 00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,932 I'm not implying it. I'm saying it. 225 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,976 Fight as in a fistfight? 226 00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:28,771 No, I thought we might throw pies at each other. 227 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:33,193 So are you up to it, or aren't you man enough? 228 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,577 We'll be right back after these messages. 229 00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,123 And we're back. 230 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:51,793 Well, we have a surprise caller on the line, Derek Mann. 231 00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,629 So, what's it gonna be, Crane? 232 00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,047 You gonna fight me or not? 233 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,548 Oh, you can't be serious. 234 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,967 Just like I figured, you're chicken. 235 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,762 No, I just don't think that civilized people behave that way. 236 00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:05,140 You know, Roz, perhaps our listeners have an opinion about that subject. 237 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,809 - Who do we have on the line? - Well, lines one through eight 238 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,437 are people who think you're chicken. 239 00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:13,273 You're chicken, Crane. Admit it. 240 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,608 I am not chicken. 241 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,779 Look, we are mature, thinking people, not cavemen. 242 00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:22,658 You want a fight so bad, I'll give you a fight. 243 00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,243 You just name the time and place. 244 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,328 Kinsley Square right outside your office 245 00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:28,622 by the old statue, noon tomorrow. 246 00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:32,252 - Don't back out. - I won't. 247 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:37,548 And don't you back out, either, because I know where your office is too, 248 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,010 and I know where you live, and I'll track you down. 249 00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:46,057 Now, who else out there wants a piece of me? 250 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,603 Having a look at that old murder case again? 251 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,231 Yeah. I dug out the old crime-scene photos. 252 00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:56,734 Well, don't be a greedy guts. Let's have a look. 253 00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:07,537 Her name was Helen. 254 00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:09,831 Yeah, it was. 255 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:13,709 You must have seen that on some of the papers I had lying here. 256 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:17,129 No, I just got this feeling when I touched the picture. 257 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,339 You're putting me on. 258 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,091 She had a lot of men in her life. 259 00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:22,635 No kidding. She was a hooker. 260 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:27,432 No, I mean she had four brothers. 261 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,183 That's amazing. 262 00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:32,103 She did have four brothers. 263 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,105 What else are you getting? 264 00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,149 Well, come on, tell me more. 265 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,736 I can't just turn it on and off like a faucet. 266 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,407 Give it a try, will you, please? What else are you getting? 267 00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:46,242 Nothing. 268 00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:47,785 No, wait. 269 00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:50,163 - I see a man. - Yeah? 270 00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:52,581 A well-dressed man. 271 00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:55,250 He's wearing wing tips and a trench coat. 272 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,460 Yeah, yeah. 273 00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:57,962 He's getting off an elevator. 274 00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:01,007 He's walking down a long hallway. 275 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,259 She doesn't know he's coming. 276 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,344 He's opening the door. 277 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:06,429 Hello, everyone. 278 00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,852 Sometimes I get me signals crossed. 279 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:16,396 What's going on? 280 00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:19,567 Well, unless you killed a hooker when you were 12, nothing much. 281 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,819 We heard your show today. 282 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,614 I just loved the way you handled that Derek Mann. 283 00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:27,700 Ah, you made your old man proud. 284 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,410 The best part was when he challenged you to a fight 285 00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,829 and you stood right up to him. 286 00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,539 Yes, I did, didn't I? 287 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,251 Boy, I can't wait to see that. 288 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:41,171 Well, I'm not actually gonna go through with it, Dad. 289 00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,964 What are you talking about? 290 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,259 Well, I already won our little war of words. 291 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,552 What would I stand to benefit 292 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,722 by actually going through with a fistfight? 293 00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,934 Frasier, maybe I'm misunderstanding something here. 294 00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:56,187 He challenged you, and you're backing down? 295 00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:59,940 Well, mature people are supposed to use their intellect 296 00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:01,566 to settle their differences. 297 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,820 A man doesn't just turn tail and run. That's not the way I brought you up. 298 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,363 Are you encouraging me to fight? 299 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,657 Damn right, I am. You gave the guy your word. 300 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,744 I didn't know what I was saying. I hadn't even had lunch yet. 301 00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:17,291 I might have known this would happen. It's Billy Kriezel all over again. 302 00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:19,501 What did you say? 303 00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:23,255 - Something about a Billy Kriezel. - I don't believe you're dredging that up. 304 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,965 That was 30 years ago. 305 00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:26,299 Who's this Billy Kriezel? 306 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,593 He was a kid in 5th grade that used to torment me. 307 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,971 So one day, Frasier made fun of Billy's crew cut. 308 00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:33,766 Well, he started it. He made fun of the elbow patches on my blazer. 309 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:41,064 Well, the point is they were supposed to meet for a fight after school, 310 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:43,316 only Patches here didn't show up. 311 00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,319 I had a clarinet lesson! 312 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,655 You don't need to remind me of that. 313 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,240 Billy's old man was a cop too. 314 00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:53,243 Boy, the guys rode me about that excuse of yours for years. 315 00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:54,661 Every time I couldn't make it out, 316 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:57,623 they'd say, "What's the matter? You got a clarinet lesson?" 317 00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:01,169 Couldn't you have met Billy after the clarinet lesson? 318 00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:03,588 Would you please excuse us for a moment? 319 00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:06,090 Of course. 320 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:10,011 I have a feeling I'm going to be excused a lot in this house. 321 00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:16,183 Dad, I am sorry if I embarrassed you 322 00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:19,186 for not fighting Billy Kriezel 30 years ago, 323 00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:20,896 but the situation is not the same now. 324 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:23,064 - It's exactly the same. - I'm an adult now. 325 00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:25,484 I have been to medical school. I hold a certain position. 326 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,777 I do not settle my differences with brawling. 327 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:30,822 - The man challenged you, you accepted. - I don't believe this. 328 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,782 You won't be happy till I come home with a black eye. 329 00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:35,036 I want you to do what you said you were gonna do. 330 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,163 You know, you can talk about your medical school, 331 00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:41,501 your intellect, your place in this city, 332 00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,085 but you know what? 333 00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:45,755 It's all one big clarinet lesson. 334 00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,092 I can't even look at you. 335 00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:03,522 So I step out of the shower, 336 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:08,068 I look out the window, and I notice the garbageman looking right in at me. 337 00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:10,028 So I say, "Did you get a good look?" 338 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,156 And he says, "Not completely. Turn around." 339 00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,825 Then he smiles, and he's missing a tooth. 340 00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:18,621 And that's when the romance went right out of it for me. 341 00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,958 Roz, why are you telling me this story? 342 00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,876 I am trying to get your mind off the fact 343 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,045 that in five minutes you're gonna walk out in that square 344 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,548 and get your clock cleaned. 345 00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:32,592 Did it ever occur to you that I might actually win this fight? 346 00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:33,636 Your shoe's untied. 347 00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,638 If you fell for that, you're going down, 348 00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:38,057 and you're going down hard. 349 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,436 There's quite a crowd forming out there. 350 00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,021 Secretaries with bag lunches, 351 00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,982 businessmen, children with balloons. 352 00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:49,192 All that's missing is a mariachi band. 353 00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:50,278 They're setting up. 354 00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:55,031 Well, I'd better go find a great place in the crowd. 355 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:57,284 I'll be off to the left, Frasier, if you tear his ear off 356 00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:59,495 and wanna throw it to a beautiful senorita. 357 00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:04,166 Frasier, as your brother and as your friend, 358 00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,168 why are you doing this? 359 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,548 - It's Billy Kriezel. - Where? 360 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,680 He's not here, Niles. 361 00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:22,517 It's just that I ran away from him when I was 10. 362 00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:23,561 I remember. 363 00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:25,855 You know, and I've been... 364 00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:27,898 I've been running ever since. 365 00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:30,568 Well, this is where it stops. 366 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:32,945 I'm not running anymore. 367 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:36,032 What is it that makes us Crane boys such targets? 368 00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,498 Chalk it up to random violence. 369 00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:46,542 No. 370 00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:50,046 Hey there. 371 00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:53,298 Dad, what are you doing here? 372 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,176 Look, son, I said a couple of things last night 373 00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:57,802 that maybe went over the line. 374 00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:00,764 Look, Dad, if you're worried that you talked me into something 375 00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:03,350 that I wasn't ready to do, you're wrong. 376 00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:04,393 You can relax. I... 377 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,647 - I'm doing this for myself. - Good. 378 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:12,025 Who told you that I was going through with it, anyway? 379 00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:15,237 Ah, let's just say a father knows certain things about his son. 380 00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:20,533 Good news. I parked in front of a broken meter. 381 00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:21,786 We're getting a freebie. 382 00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:25,121 Well, good luck, Dr. Crane, with the fight. 383 00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:29,501 Thank you, Daphne. Any psychic predictions on the outcome? 384 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,713 Actually, yes. But don't worry, I'm frequently wrong. 385 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:39,011 Frasier. There's something I want you to see. 386 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:43,473 There, the man standing to the left of the statue. 387 00:19:43,474 --> 00:19:45,684 I recognize his picture from the newspaper. 388 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:46,894 That's Derek Mann. 389 00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:48,813 He's gigantic. 390 00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:53,275 My God, you could show a movie on his back. 391 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:57,988 You sure you wanna go through with this? 392 00:19:58,489 --> 00:20:00,865 - Yes. Yes, I am. - Good. 393 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,283 Now, you'll be fine. 394 00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:03,785 Remember, this is a street fight, 395 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:06,913 not a boxing match, so fight dirty and throw the first punch. 396 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,374 - First punch. - I've found that a swift knee to the groin 397 00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:10,667 usually does the trick. 398 00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:12,127 If you have any doubts, 399 00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:14,880 check with a fellow in Manchester named Nigel Tavers. 400 00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:18,842 If we want an unobstructed view... 401 00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:20,760 I'd prefer it if you guys just stayed here. 402 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,264 - You'll only make me nervous. - Whatever you want. 403 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,183 Well... 404 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:28,643 wish me luck. 405 00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:30,354 - Okay, champ. Attaboy. - Go get him, Dr. C. 406 00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:38,069 They got a mariachi band out there. 407 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,446 Yes. I have to get their card. 408 00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,407 I need someone for our summer barbecue. 409 00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:44,826 Oh, look, they're starting to fight. 410 00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:47,246 No, they're just circling, sizing each other up. 411 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,998 Come on, Frasier. If you're gonna hit him, hit him first. 412 00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:54,586 - Is that the police? - Yeah. What are they doing here? 413 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:57,172 They're breaking it up, just when they were getting started. 414 00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,636 All right, I'm coming along peacefully. 415 00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:05,054 Just let me get my jacket. 416 00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:06,931 Relax. I'm not arresting you. 417 00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,809 But I'm warning you, in this town, we don't settle our differences 418 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:11,771 with street fights, no matter who you are. 419 00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:15,356 Well, thank you, officer. You'll have no more trouble from me. 420 00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:16,192 Okay. 421 00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:20,278 Dad, Dad, did you see me? 422 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,905 My hands are trembling. 423 00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:24,824 My chest is pounding. My mouth is all dry. My knees are like Jell-O. 424 00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:26,160 I feel great. 425 00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:28,661 You did good. 426 00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:30,830 Yeah, I was out there. I was ready. 427 00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:32,582 You saw that, right? I was ready. 428 00:21:32,583 --> 00:21:34,542 I know. You would've kicked his butt. 429 00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:37,170 - From here to Tacoma. - I say we celebrate. 430 00:21:37,171 --> 00:21:39,798 Everyone, a round of victory lattes on me. 431 00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:40,633 Yeah! 432 00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:47,639 Thanks, Harry. I owe you one. 433 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,641 - No problem. - You cut it kind of close, though. 434 00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:51,726 Another minute and Frasier would've been eating sidewalk. 435 00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:53,978 Give me a break. I'm missing lunch for this. 436 00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:56,022 You could stand to miss a few lunches. 437 00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,732 Some of the guys are getting together 438 00:21:57,733 --> 00:21:59,734 down at Duke's for a beer. Why don't you come? 439 00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:01,402 Yeah. Maybe I will. 440 00:22:01,403 --> 00:22:02,530 You know why I will? 441 00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:05,950 'Cause the Crane boys don't take clarinet lessons anymore. 442 00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:08,327 What the hell are you talking about? 443 00:22:08,911 --> 00:22:11,413 Oh, that's right. You weren't in my precinct. 444 00:22:17,962 --> 00:22:20,129 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 445 00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:23,092 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 446 00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:25,009 ♪ Oh, my ♪ 447 00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:27,262 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 448 00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:30,014 ♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 449 00:22:32,226 --> 00:22:33,893 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 450 00:22:33,894 --> 00:22:37,314 ♪ With those tossed salads And scrambled eggs ♪ 451 00:22:38,107 --> 00:22:39,859 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 452 00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:41,777 Thank you!