1
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,438
Dad, he's doing it again.
2
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,774
Must this dog stare at me all the time?
3
00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:27,152
I don't know. Eddie, must you?
4
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:30,531
Apparently, he must.
5
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:34,660
What is so fascinating about me?
What is it?
6
00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:38,413
In your eyes, is my head
a large piece of kibble?
7
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:43,293
Am I some sort of canine enigma?
8
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,005
Think about it. Get back to me.
9
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,924
Here we go, gents. Dinner's up.
10
00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,592
Can I give you a hand
clearing your papers?
11
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:52,969
No, you better let me.
12
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,804
I need these in a particular order.
13
00:00:54,805 --> 00:00:56,181
What is all this, anyway?
14
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:59,100
It's an old case of mine
from the police force.
15
00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:00,726
The Weeping Lotus murder.
16
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:03,521
Dad, I can't believe
you're still trotting this out.
17
00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:05,398
He's been trying to solve this case
for 20 years.
18
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,442
And I'm not stopping till I do solve it.
19
00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:10,152
You develop certain instincts
when you're a cop.
20
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:12,947
And my instinct tells me
that this case can be cracked.
21
00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:15,741
There just must be one small thing
I keep overlooking.
22
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,995
There is: who the murderer was.
23
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:24,585
- It's nice you're still so dedicated.
- It's a hobby.
24
00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:27,128
Some guys build a boat in the garage.
25
00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:29,797
I try to figure out why a maniac
would kill a hooker
26
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,717
and try to stuff her entire body
into a bowling bag.
27
00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:34,344
- It's relaxing.
- Hmm.
28
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:38,139
- Hello, Niles.
- Sorry I'm late, Frasier.
29
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,932
Just as we were leaving,
Maris had a run-in
30
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,809
with a rude directory assistance operator,
31
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,477
and it shattered her calm.
32
00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:47,481
Niles, have you ever considered that maybe
Maris is a bit high-strung?
33
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,734
- Maybe she should see someone.
- She's seen everyone.
34
00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,820
Why do you think
she was calling directory assistance?
35
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,031
Evening, Dr. Crane.
36
00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:57,075
Hello, Daphne. So good to see you again.
37
00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,077
What an enchanting scent you're wearing.
38
00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:01,663
Must be the ranch dressing.
39
00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:04,874
Won't Mrs. Crane be coming?
40
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,208
No, I'm afraid not.
41
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:09,253
And, please, no more of this
"Dr. and Mrs. Crane" formality.
42
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:12,840
To you, it's Niles and... uh...
43
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,009
- Maris.
- Yes, Maris.
44
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:20,015
- Glad you could join us, Niles.
- Oh, I wouldn't have missed it.
45
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:24,268
Well, I guess the food's all ready.
Why don't we start?
46
00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:26,854
- Well, enjoy.
- Where are you going?
47
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,648
I thought I'd have mine in the kitchen.
48
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:29,940
Don't be ridiculous.
49
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,986
We can't have you eating
by yourself in the kitchen. I'll join you.
50
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:37,448
We're all eating right here,
like a family.
51
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:38,492
End of discussion.
52
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,494
Well, isn't this nice?
53
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,912
Feels just like home.
54
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:44,498
- I'm famished.
- Me too.
55
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,792
You boys still say a prayer
before you eat?
56
00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:50,586
- Oh, almost forgot. Yes, yes.
- Mm. Oh, every time.
57
00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,967
We thank you, Lord,
for the food we're about to eat.
58
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,221
You have blessed our table
with your bounty.
59
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,183
And thank you, Lord,
for bringing this family together.
60
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:07,520
And we also thank you for the other gifts
you've bestowed upon us.
61
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,897
And may we always
remember to share
62
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:12,400
- with those less fortunate.
- Oh, will you stop staring?!
63
00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:13,443
I wasn't staring.
64
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:21,827
Amen.
65
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:30,710
So, Frasier, did you happen to read
Derek Mann's column today?
66
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,670
- You were mentioned.
- No. I missed it.
67
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:34,338
Just as well. It wasn't flattering.
68
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:35,881
Still, I'd like to have seen it.
69
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:37,634
Oh, well, why didn't you say so?
70
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,430
If I may ask, who's Derek Mann?
71
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:44,765
He writes that "Mann About Town"
column for the Times.
72
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,809
Boy, the things
that guy comes out with.
73
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,187
Sometimes he's really funny.
What did he say about you?
74
00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,523
"I hate Frasier Crane."
75
00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:55,652
Oh, sorry.
76
00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:58,988
That's it? "I hate Frasier Crane"?
77
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,906
- That's it.
- Ah, don't let it bother you.
78
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,366
Well, actually, it doesn't, Dad.
79
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,410
I knew when I chose
a career in the public eye
80
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:08,330
that I'd be open to certain criticism.
It's the price I pay for my celebrity.
81
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,875
But thank you, Niles,
for bringing me the paper.
82
00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:13,462
And thank you
for highlighting it in yellow.
83
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,800
Now who would like some wine?
84
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:22,386
- I'll have some.
- Daphne, the salad is exquisite.
85
00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:23,929
And why would he say that?
86
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,433
Must be the carrots.
He always did like them.
87
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,727
Not the salad. Derek Mann.
88
00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:33,063
Why would he write a thing like that?
I've never done anything to him.
89
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:35,483
I mean, this attack
is totally unwarranted.
90
00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:38,444
- I'm a healer, for God's sake.
- Oh, for crying out loud.
91
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,654
I have every right to be upset about this.
92
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,616
I will not enjoy my dinner
until this is where it belongs,
93
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,575
in the trash.
94
00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:46,911
Oh, oh. There was an article
I wanted to save.
95
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:49,830
- On what?
- Uh-- Nothing.
96
00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,832
- Come on, I'm interested.
- Oh, let's drop it.
97
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,209
Why can't you tell me?
98
00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:55,669
All right. It all was about
Margaret Thatcher's secret
99
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:58,089
for growing prizewinning zinnias.
Are you happy?
100
00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:01,134
Not really.
101
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:09,892
All right, Lorraine, now, calm down
102
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,977
and try to listen
to what I'm going to say to you.
103
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,896
- Will you do that?
- Okay.
104
00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:16,232
All right. Good girl.
Now, your problem--
105
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:19,026
Oh, my gosh. That's call waiting.
106
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:22,446
Someone else is trying to get through.
Do you mind if I take it?
107
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:23,615
No, no. Go right ahead.
108
00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:28,619
Well, it's certainly a very interesting
situation she's got herself in.
109
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:29,913
Don't you think so, Roz?
110
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:34,668
Yes.
111
00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,964
- Okay, I'm back.
- All right, Lorraine.
112
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,882
Now listen very carefully
to what I'm going to tell you.
113
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,384
Your problem seems to--
114
00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:46,471
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'll be right back.
115
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:51,016
Oh. For someone
who's got so many problems,
116
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,602
she certainly is popular.
117
00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:57,231
Okay. Go ahead, Dr. Crane. I'm here.
118
00:05:57,232 --> 00:06:00,234
Oh! I don't believe this. Another call.
119
00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:01,945
Now hold it right there, Lorraine.
120
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,029
The reason you want to take that call
121
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,031
is the same reason
you want to change your career
122
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,575
and break up with your boyfriend.
123
00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:10,078
You're obsessed
with what you think you're missing,
124
00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:13,373
the "better offer"
the "call on the other line."
125
00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:16,960
Well, you've got to take one call
at a time from now on.
126
00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:20,838
Fully explore and experience
each one in its turn,
127
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,299
and you'll be a stronger person for it.
128
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:26,970
- Do you follow me, Lorraine?
- Okay, I'm back!
129
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,437
Thank you for your call.
130
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:41,358
We've only got a few minutes left,
so I would like to end today's program
131
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,111
on a personal note.
132
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,947
As some of you may know,
yesterday I was mentioned
133
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,950
in Derek Mann's
"Mann About Town" column.
134
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:55,290
He said, and I quote,
"I hate Frasier Crane."
135
00:06:57,334 --> 00:07:00,670
"I hate Frasier Crane."
136
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,799
What trenchant criticism.
137
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,718
Move aside, Voltaire.
138
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:10,095
Step back into the shadows,
H.L. Mencken.
139
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,514
There's a new kid in town.
140
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:16,560
One can only wonder how many hours
141
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:19,605
Derek Mann sat in the glow
of his computer screen
142
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:22,359
before his trembling fingers
sprang to life
143
00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:25,111
and pecked out this chef d'oeuvre...
144
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:29,366
"I hate Frasier Crane."
145
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:33,077
A lesser critic
would have wasted our time
146
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:36,705
by presenting a well-thought-out
point-by-point
147
00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:39,166
constructive critique of this show.
148
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:41,378
But, no, not our Mr. Mann.
149
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,004
So, dear listeners,
150
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,548
when Mr. Mann's column
arrives on your doorstep,
151
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:50,552
read it, enjoy it,
but above all, treasure it.
152
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:55,433
For one day, this man will be joining
the pantheon of the immortals.
153
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:59,437
And if we're lucky,
it will be one day soon.
154
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,358
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
155
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:14,034
Frasier, how funny running into you here.
156
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:14,952
I'm always here.
157
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:17,664
You weren't here 20 minutes ago.
Have you seen today's Times?
158
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:19,249
No.
159
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:24,211
Lucky for you, I saved you this copy.
Look at Derek Mann's column.
160
00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:26,213
This is the second time
in as many days
161
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:28,090
that you've given me a paper.
162
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:30,301
Have you ever considered
getting yourself a route?
163
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,221
Hello. I don't believe we've met.
164
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,807
Oh-- Yes, we have, Niles,
three or four times.
165
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:37,891
Roz Doyle.
166
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:40,020
Oh, of course. It was at the, uh...
167
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,814
It was during the, uh...
168
00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:46,108
I'm far too successful to feel awkward.
169
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,068
Where did we meet?
170
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:50,947
The radio station.
171
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,700
I'll take your word for it.
Nice to see you again.
172
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,493
Apparently, Mr. Mann heard
your program yesterday.
173
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:57,370
So I see.
174
00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:01,206
"Yesterday afternoon,
Dr. Frasier Crane got on my case
175
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,751
for not giving him
a point-by-point criticism
176
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:04,835
of his radio show.
177
00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:07,588
Well, he asked for it, so here goes."
178
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:10,674
Oh, my God.
His entire column is about your show.
179
00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:11,967
Not very flattering, either.
180
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:15,471
Toward the end, he even attacks
your "dim-witted sidekick call screener."
181
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,848
That's me.
182
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:18,975
Oh, now I remember you.
183
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:25,773
"It's hard to say what
to hate most about Crane's show:
184
00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:28,067
his pompous, sanctimonious style,
185
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:31,487
his constant self-congratulatory
references to his own life,
186
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,072
or his voice,
187
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,283
a mock-sympathetic tone so sickly sweet
188
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:39,119
one wonders if the man
graduated from medical school
189
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,581
or from some mind-controlling cult."
190
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,793
- It's continued on 12.
- I've read enough.
191
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,419
Can I get you anything?
192
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,588
How could the man say something like that?
193
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,382
It's my job. I'm a waiter.
194
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:55,094
We don't want anything, thank you.
195
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,012
Listen, Frasier, I know this stinks,
196
00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,598
but in a couple of days, it'll blow over.
197
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:02,476
Oh, perhaps you're right.
As angry as it makes me,
198
00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:05,354
to retaliate would be
to stoop to his level.
199
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,524
The best response is no response at all.
200
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:11,402
Pompous and sanctimonious, am I?
201
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:15,030
Well, this Mann character
can't even write grammatical sentences.
202
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:18,784
Every five words, there's another one
of his precious dot-dot-dots.
203
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,661
Must be because
he likes making those dots
204
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:23,164
with the crayon
he writes this drivel with.
205
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:28,502
Dr. Crane, on line two, we have Stewart,
206
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:31,213
who's having a problem
with delayed gratification.
207
00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:32,841
Well, he's just gonna have to wait.
208
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,094
I don't know who
this Derek Mann thinks he is,
209
00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:39,346
but if he thinks
he can hide behind his newspaper
210
00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:42,641
like some sniveling schoolchild
cowering behind a tree,
211
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,561
then I say let's expose
this Derek Mann for what he is,
212
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:48,022
not a man at all but half a man.
213
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,567
What line did you say Stewart was on?
214
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,234
He hung up.
215
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:54,529
Well, I'm leaving all sorts
of bodies in my wake today.
216
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,323
Let's see who's on line five.
217
00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:01,452
Hello. This is Dr. Frasier Crane.
I'm listening.
218
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,329
Good, 'cause I was listening too.
219
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,457
- And you are?
- Derek Mann.
220
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:08,835
I see.
221
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:15,091
Look, nobody calls me half a man,
especially some Ivy League twit.
222
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:18,136
So, what do you say
we settle this like men?
223
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:21,638
Are you implying
that you want to fight me?
224
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,932
I'm not implying it. I'm saying it.
225
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,976
Fight as in a fistfight?
226
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:28,771
No, I thought we might
throw pies at each other.
227
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:33,193
So are you up to it,
or aren't you man enough?
228
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,577
We'll be right back after these messages.
229
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,123
And we're back.
230
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:51,793
Well, we have a surprise caller
on the line, Derek Mann.
231
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,629
So, what's it gonna be, Crane?
232
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,047
You gonna fight me or not?
233
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,548
Oh, you can't be serious.
234
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,967
Just like I figured, you're chicken.
235
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,762
No, I just don't think
that civilized people behave that way.
236
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:05,140
You know, Roz, perhaps our listeners
have an opinion about that subject.
237
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,809
- Who do we have on the line?
- Well, lines one through eight
238
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,437
are people who think you're chicken.
239
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:13,273
You're chicken, Crane. Admit it.
240
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,608
I am not chicken.
241
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,779
Look, we are mature,
thinking people, not cavemen.
242
00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:22,658
You want a fight so bad,
I'll give you a fight.
243
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,243
You just name the time and place.
244
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,328
Kinsley Square right outside your office
245
00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:28,622
by the old statue, noon tomorrow.
246
00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:32,252
- Don't back out.
- I won't.
247
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:37,548
And don't you back out, either,
because I know where your office is too,
248
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,010
and I know where you live,
and I'll track you down.
249
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:46,057
Now, who else out there
wants a piece of me?
250
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,603
Having a look
at that old murder case again?
251
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,231
Yeah. I dug out
the old crime-scene photos.
252
00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:56,734
Well, don't be a greedy guts.
Let's have a look.
253
00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:07,537
Her name was Helen.
254
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:09,831
Yeah, it was.
255
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:13,709
You must have seen that
on some of the papers I had lying here.
256
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:17,129
No, I just got this feeling
when I touched the picture.
257
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,339
You're putting me on.
258
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,091
She had a lot of men in her life.
259
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:22,635
No kidding. She was a hooker.
260
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:27,432
No, I mean she had four brothers.
261
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,183
That's amazing.
262
00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:32,103
She did have four brothers.
263
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,105
What else are you getting?
264
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,149
Well, come on, tell me more.
265
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,736
I can't just turn it on and off
like a faucet.
266
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,407
Give it a try, will you, please?
What else are you getting?
267
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:46,242
Nothing.
268
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:47,785
No, wait.
269
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:50,163
- I see a man.
- Yeah?
270
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:52,581
A well-dressed man.
271
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:55,250
He's wearing wing tips
and a trench coat.
272
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,460
Yeah, yeah.
273
00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:57,962
He's getting off an elevator.
274
00:13:58,713 --> 00:14:01,007
He's walking down a long hallway.
275
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,259
She doesn't know he's coming.
276
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,344
He's opening the door.
277
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:06,429
Hello, everyone.
278
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,852
Sometimes I get me signals crossed.
279
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:16,396
What's going on?
280
00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:19,567
Well, unless you killed a hooker
when you were 12, nothing much.
281
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,819
We heard your show today.
282
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,614
I just loved the way
you handled that Derek Mann.
283
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:27,700
Ah, you made your old man proud.
284
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,410
The best part was when
he challenged you to a fight
285
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,829
and you stood right up to him.
286
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,539
Yes, I did, didn't I?
287
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,251
Boy, I can't wait to see that.
288
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:41,171
Well, I'm not actually
gonna go through with it, Dad.
289
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,964
What are you talking about?
290
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,259
Well, I already won
our little war of words.
291
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,552
What would I stand to benefit
292
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,722
by actually going through
with a fistfight?
293
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,934
Frasier, maybe I'm
misunderstanding something here.
294
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:56,187
He challenged you,
and you're backing down?
295
00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:59,940
Well, mature people
are supposed to use their intellect
296
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:01,566
to settle their differences.
297
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,820
A man doesn't just turn tail and run.
That's not the way I brought you up.
298
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,363
Are you encouraging me to fight?
299
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,657
Damn right, I am.
You gave the guy your word.
300
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,744
I didn't know what I was saying.
I hadn't even had lunch yet.
301
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:17,291
I might have known this would happen.
It's Billy Kriezel all over again.
302
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:19,501
What did you say?
303
00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:23,255
- Something about a Billy Kriezel.
- I don't believe you're dredging that up.
304
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,965
That was 30 years ago.
305
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:26,299
Who's this Billy Kriezel?
306
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,593
He was a kid in 5th grade
that used to torment me.
307
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,971
So one day, Frasier made fun
of Billy's crew cut.
308
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:33,766
Well, he started it. He made fun
of the elbow patches on my blazer.
309
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:41,064
Well, the point is they were supposed
to meet for a fight after school,
310
00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:43,316
only Patches here didn't show up.
311
00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,319
I had a clarinet lesson!
312
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,655
You don't need to remind me of that.
313
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,240
Billy's old man was a cop too.
314
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:53,243
Boy, the guys rode me
about that excuse of yours for years.
315
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:54,661
Every time I couldn't make it out,
316
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:57,623
they'd say, "What's the matter?
You got a clarinet lesson?"
317
00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:01,169
Couldn't you have met Billy
after the clarinet lesson?
318
00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:03,588
Would you please excuse us for a moment?
319
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:06,090
Of course.
320
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:10,011
I have a feeling I'm going
to be excused a lot in this house.
321
00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:16,183
Dad, I am sorry if I embarrassed you
322
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:19,186
for not fighting Billy Kriezel
30 years ago,
323
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:20,896
but the situation is not the same now.
324
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:23,064
- It's exactly the same.
- I'm an adult now.
325
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:25,484
I have been to medical school.
I hold a certain position.
326
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,777
I do not settle my differences
with brawling.
327
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:30,822
- The man challenged you, you accepted.
- I don't believe this.
328
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,782
You won't be happy
till I come home with a black eye.
329
00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:35,036
I want you to do
what you said you were gonna do.
330
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,163
You know, you can talk
about your medical school,
331
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:41,501
your intellect, your place in this city,
332
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,085
but you know what?
333
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:45,755
It's all one big clarinet lesson.
334
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,092
I can't even look at you.
335
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:03,522
So I step out of the shower,
336
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:08,068
I look out the window, and I notice
the garbageman looking right in at me.
337
00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:10,028
So I say, "Did you get a good look?"
338
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,156
And he says,
"Not completely. Turn around."
339
00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,825
Then he smiles,
and he's missing a tooth.
340
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:18,621
And that's when the romance
went right out of it for me.
341
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,958
Roz, why are you telling me this story?
342
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,876
I am trying to get your mind off the fact
343
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,045
that in five minutes
you're gonna walk out in that square
344
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,548
and get your clock cleaned.
345
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:32,592
Did it ever occur to you
that I might actually win this fight?
346
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:33,636
Your shoe's untied.
347
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,638
If you fell for that, you're going down,
348
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:38,057
and you're going down hard.
349
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:43,436
There's quite a crowd forming out there.
350
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,021
Secretaries with bag lunches,
351
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,982
businessmen, children with balloons.
352
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:49,192
All that's missing is a mariachi band.
353
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:50,278
They're setting up.
354
00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:55,031
Well, I'd better go find
a great place in the crowd.
355
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:57,284
I'll be off to the left,
Frasier, if you tear his ear off
356
00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:59,495
and wanna throw it
to a beautiful senorita.
357
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:04,166
Frasier, as your brother
and as your friend,
358
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,168
why are you doing this?
359
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,548
- It's Billy Kriezel.
- Where?
360
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,680
He's not here, Niles.
361
00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:22,517
It's just that I ran away
from him when I was 10.
362
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:23,561
I remember.
363
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:25,855
You know, and I've been...
364
00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:27,898
I've been running ever since.
365
00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:30,568
Well, this is where it stops.
366
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:32,945
I'm not running anymore.
367
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:36,032
What is it that makes us
Crane boys such targets?
368
00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:44,498
Chalk it up to random violence.
369
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:46,542
No.
370
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:50,046
Hey there.
371
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:53,298
Dad, what are you doing here?
372
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,176
Look, son, I said a couple
of things last night
373
00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:57,802
that maybe went over the line.
374
00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:00,764
Look, Dad, if you're worried
that you talked me into something
375
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:03,350
that I wasn't ready to do, you're wrong.
376
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:04,393
You can relax. I...
377
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,647
- I'm doing this for myself.
- Good.
378
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:12,025
Who told you that I was
going through with it, anyway?
379
00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:15,237
Ah, let's just say a father knows
certain things about his son.
380
00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:20,533
Good news.
I parked in front of a broken meter.
381
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:21,786
We're getting a freebie.
382
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:25,121
Well, good luck, Dr. Crane,
with the fight.
383
00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:29,501
Thank you, Daphne.
Any psychic predictions on the outcome?
384
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,713
Actually, yes.
But don't worry, I'm frequently wrong.
385
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:39,011
Frasier. There's something
I want you to see.
386
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:43,473
There, the man standing
to the left of the statue.
387
00:19:43,474 --> 00:19:45,684
I recognize his picture
from the newspaper.
388
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:46,894
That's Derek Mann.
389
00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:48,813
He's gigantic.
390
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:53,275
My God, you could show
a movie on his back.
391
00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:57,988
You sure you wanna
go through with this?
392
00:19:58,489 --> 00:20:00,865
- Yes. Yes, I am.
- Good.
393
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,283
Now, you'll be fine.
394
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:03,785
Remember, this is a street fight,
395
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:06,913
not a boxing match, so fight dirty
and throw the first punch.
396
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,374
- First punch.
- I've found that a swift knee to the groin
397
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:10,667
usually does the trick.
398
00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:12,127
If you have any doubts,
399
00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:14,880
check with a fellow in Manchester
named Nigel Tavers.
400
00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:18,842
If we want an unobstructed view...
401
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:20,760
I'd prefer it
if you guys just stayed here.
402
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,264
- You'll only make me nervous.
- Whatever you want.
403
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,183
Well...
404
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:28,643
wish me luck.
405
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:30,354
- Okay, champ. Attaboy.
- Go get him, Dr. C.
406
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:38,069
They got a mariachi band
out there.
407
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,446
Yes. I have to get their card.
408
00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,407
I need someone
for our summer barbecue.
409
00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:44,826
Oh, look, they're starting to fight.
410
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:47,246
No, they're just circling,
sizing each other up.
411
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,998
Come on, Frasier.
If you're gonna hit him, hit him first.
412
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:54,586
- Is that the police?
- Yeah. What are they doing here?
413
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:57,172
They're breaking it up,
just when they were getting started.
414
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,636
All right, I'm coming along peacefully.
415
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:05,054
Just let me get my jacket.
416
00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:06,931
Relax. I'm not arresting you.
417
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,809
But I'm warning you, in this town,
we don't settle our differences
418
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:11,771
with street fights, no matter who you are.
419
00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:15,356
Well, thank you, officer.
You'll have no more trouble from me.
420
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:16,192
Okay.
421
00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:20,278
Dad, Dad, did you see me?
422
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,905
My hands are trembling.
423
00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:24,824
My chest is pounding. My mouth is all dry.
My knees are like Jell-O.
424
00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:26,160
I feel great.
425
00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:28,661
You did good.
426
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:30,830
Yeah, I was out there. I was ready.
427
00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:32,582
You saw that, right? I was ready.
428
00:21:32,583 --> 00:21:34,542
I know. You would've kicked his butt.
429
00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:37,170
- From here to Tacoma.
- I say we celebrate.
430
00:21:37,171 --> 00:21:39,798
Everyone, a round
of victory lattes on me.
431
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:40,633
Yeah!
432
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:47,639
Thanks, Harry. I owe you one.
433
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,641
- No problem.
- You cut it kind of close, though.
434
00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:51,726
Another minute and Frasier
would've been eating sidewalk.
435
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:53,978
Give me a break.
I'm missing lunch for this.
436
00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:56,022
You could stand to miss a few lunches.
437
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,732
Some of the guys are getting together
438
00:21:57,733 --> 00:21:59,734
down at Duke's for a beer.
Why don't you come?
439
00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:01,402
Yeah. Maybe I will.
440
00:22:01,403 --> 00:22:02,530
You know why I will?
441
00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:05,950
'Cause the Crane boys
don't take clarinet lessons anymore.
442
00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:08,327
What the hell are you talking about?
443
00:22:08,911 --> 00:22:11,413
Oh, that's right.
You weren't in my precinct.
444
00:22:17,962 --> 00:22:20,129
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪
445
00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:23,092
♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
446
00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:25,009
♪ Oh, my ♪
447
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:27,262
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
448
00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:30,014
♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
449
00:22:32,226 --> 00:22:33,893
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
450
00:22:33,894 --> 00:22:37,314
♪ With those tossed salads
And scrambled eggs ♪
451
00:22:38,107 --> 00:22:39,859
♪ They're callin' again ♪
452
00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:41,777
Thank you!