1 00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:09,576 What is this? 2 00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:13,580 "St. Osric's Prekindergarten Academy and Daycare Center"? 3 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:17,083 Do I hear the pitter-patter of petite elite feet? 4 00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:18,985 No, no, no. 5 00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:20,387 It's just that the wait list 6 00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:22,389 for St. Osric's is up to four years, Oh. 7 00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:24,864 so I thought we should get our application in now to be safe. 8 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:26,593 Very wise, Niles. 9 00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:29,095 You know, Lilith and I waited until Frederick was conceived 10 00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:30,563 before we enrolled him in private school. 11 00:00:30,930 --> 00:00:32,365 Mr. Procrastinator. Well, you know. 12 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:33,767 It's prekindergarten-- 13 00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:35,769 they run around, they sing, they nap. 14 00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:37,270 How special can St. Osric's really be? 15 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:41,141 Well, I hear the top two percent in coloring and putting away 16 00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:42,942 can pretty much write their own ticket. 17 00:00:44,744 --> 00:00:48,248 Oh, Niles, guess who's coming to visit. 18 00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:49,582 Leland Barton. 19 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,451 Really? From the Empire Club? 20 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:52,952 No, no. That's Barton Leland . 21 00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:55,722 Leland Barton was Mom's research assistant. 22 00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:57,424 They worked together closely for years. 23 00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,225 I don't remember him. Oh, that's right. 24 00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:01,094 We were just boys when he moved to France. 25 00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:02,595 Apparently he gave up psychiatry 26 00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:04,964 and immersed himself in the Paris art world. 27 00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:06,332 Today, 28 00:01:06,766 --> 00:01:10,603 he sits on the board of the Paris Museum of Modern Art. 29 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:14,874 Wow. Takes a brave man to just chuck it all, Mm. 30 00:01:14,874 --> 00:01:17,877 cross the ocean in pursuit of a new life in a new country. 31 00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:18,812 Or a brave woman. 32 00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:20,313 Oh, yes, that's absolutely right. 33 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:21,781 That's exactly what you did. 34 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,149 Just like Dr. Barton, 35 00:01:23,149 --> 00:01:25,652 you bade farewell to the comforts of hearth and home 36 00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:28,455 and filled your sails with the winds of change and adventure. 37 00:01:28,721 --> 00:01:30,290 Well, I never looked at it that way. 38 00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:32,792 Now I'll have something to think about this afternoon 39 00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:34,794 when I'm rubbing your dad's bum. 40 00:01:37,797 --> 00:01:39,299 (sighs) 41 00:01:42,902 --> 00:01:44,471 Hello, Roz Hi. 42 00:01:44,471 --> 00:01:46,172 Hey, Roz. How was the dog park? 43 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:48,007 Well, I got a phone number. 44 00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:49,309 Oh, nice. 45 00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:52,378 Is that why you people have pets-- to get dates? 46 00:01:52,645 --> 00:01:53,713 No, but it's a plus. 47 00:01:53,713 --> 00:01:55,215 I've never met one person 48 00:01:55,715 --> 00:01:58,718 who didn't get at least one date through their pet. 49 00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:01,187 Well, meet me. 50 00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,189 Four years in high school 51 00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:05,692 and not a single encounter generated. 52 00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:08,027 Stupid fish. 53 00:02:08,328 --> 00:02:09,896 (doorbell rings) 54 00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:11,397 Oh, that would be Leland. 55 00:02:11,397 --> 00:02:13,399 Who's Leland? He was Hester's research assistant. 56 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,368 Used to follow her around like a puppy. 57 00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:18,705 I think he was always a little bit jealous of me, to be honest. 58 00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:22,408 Not that he was alone. 59 00:02:23,843 --> 00:02:24,878 Dr. Barton 60 00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,679 Hello, Frasier. I'm Frasier. Good to see you. 61 00:02:26,946 --> 00:02:28,515 How are you? Let me take that for you. 62 00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:30,016 Thank you very much. 63 00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:32,018 Thank you, thank you. Hello. 64 00:02:32,018 --> 00:02:33,786 My God, look at you! 65 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,455 I haven't seen you since you were about, what, 66 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:36,890 seven years old? 67 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,892 And you still look good in a suit. 68 00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:40,260 Oh... 69 00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:43,696 Martin, you have not changed a whit. 70 00:02:43,696 --> 00:02:45,698 Oh, my hair's gray, and I got a bullet in my hip. 71 00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:48,201 Well, I'm bigger and balder, 72 00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:49,569 but I don't want to hear about it. 73 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:52,172 But you look exactly the same, too. 74 00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:53,406 Thank you, sir. 75 00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:55,375 And you must be...? 76 00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:58,811 I'm assuming you don't go by Niles anymore. 77 00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,550 No, this-this is my producer, Roz Doyle. 78 00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:04,484 My brother's not here. 79 00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:06,419 Oh... 80 00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:08,454 (chuckles) 81 00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:09,455 My sincerest apologies. 82 00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:10,957 You are a handsome woman. 83 00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:12,192 Oh. 84 00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,093 And it's nice to meet you, too 85 00:03:14,093 --> 00:03:15,495 I guess I should be going. 86 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:16,930 Oh, not on my account, I hope. 87 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,264 FRASIER: Please, Roz, stay if you like. 88 00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:19,432 Can I get anybody a drink? 89 00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:21,301 Well, not unless you happen to have any sherry. 90 00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:22,268 (chuckles heartily) 91 00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:26,306 I think I can scare up a glass. Roz? 92 00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:27,774 Well, I'll have a beer, please. 93 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:30,243 Well, I can handle that. 94 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:31,644 Come, sit down. 95 00:03:31,644 --> 00:03:33,146 Well, thank you. 96 00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:35,181 So, I hear you worked with Frasier's mom. 97 00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:36,182 Yes, I did 98 00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:37,150 Did you know her? 99 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:38,451 No. Oh, pity. 100 00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:41,287 She was a remarkable woman. 101 00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:44,791 Brilliant, playful... and passionate. 102 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,626 I adored her. 103 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:47,794 FRASIER: Here we are. 104 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,129 Welcome back to Seattle. 105 00:03:50,129 --> 00:03:51,130 Thank you. 106 00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:52,632 There we are. 107 00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:54,634 (chuckles) 108 00:03:56,636 --> 00:03:57,637 (sighs) 109 00:03:57,637 --> 00:03:58,638 This sherry is exquisite. 110 00:03:59,138 --> 00:04:00,139 Oh, thank you. 111 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,575 It's an Andalusian Amontilla do I'm rather fond of. 112 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,510 A connoisseur. I am very surprised. 113 00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:06,913 Most Americans think that sherry is just for cooking. 114 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,848 Oh, my brother and I have always had a taste for it. 115 00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:10,350 Well, you didn't get that from me. 116 00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:11,851 I've always hated the stuff. 117 00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:14,187 You know, come to think of it, so did your mom. 118 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,169 Can I help you? 119 00:04:30,169 --> 00:04:31,271 I'm sorry about that. 120 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:31,971 Eddie, down. 121 00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:40,613 Wh-Why is he doing that? 122 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:41,881 I don't really know. 123 00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:43,883 He used to do it to me, but, uh... I tell you what, 124 00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:46,386 just don't get in a staring contest with him. 125 00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:47,287 That's what he wants. 126 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,055 MARTIN: Come on, Eddie, get down. 127 00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:51,024 I'm sorry. I don't know what got into him. 128 00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:52,358 I'll get him a treat. 129 00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:53,693 Frasier, this is remarkable. 130 00:04:54,193 --> 00:04:56,529 You and I seem to have the same taste in art. 131 00:04:56,529 --> 00:04:58,731 Rauschenberg, Otterson 132 00:04:58,731 --> 00:05:01,034 African statuary and sculpture. 133 00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,535 Although I... 134 00:05:02,535 --> 00:05:04,871 I must confess, I'm not familiar with that one 135 00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:07,206 Oh, that's because while most Azande statues 136 00:05:07,206 --> 00:05:09,208 are intended to ward off evil spirits, 137 00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:10,710 this one was designed to distract me 138 00:05:11,210 --> 00:05:13,713 while my pockets were picked at the Kinshasa Airport. 139 00:05:13,713 --> 00:05:16,082 (laughing) 140 00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,221 You two have a lot in common. 141 00:05:22,221 --> 00:05:25,058 Psychiatry and sherry and art... 142 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,893 And furniture. 143 00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:29,362 That is a Coco Chanel sofa, 144 00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:30,363 unless I'm mistaken. 145 00:05:30,863 --> 00:05:31,798 It is an exact 146 00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:33,366 replica of the one in her Paris atelier. 147 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:35,201 You know, not many people even notice it. 148 00:05:35,468 --> 00:05:37,537 Well, not many people have passed out drunk 149 00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:38,905 on the original. 150 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,407 Oh, I would love to hear that story. 151 00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:42,842 Well, you are in luck, 152 00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:44,677 because I love to tell it. 153 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,846 But first, let me thank you 154 00:05:47,046 --> 00:05:48,614 for making me feel so welcome. 155 00:05:48,614 --> 00:05:50,616 I must confess, I had some reservations 156 00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:52,618 about returning to Seattle. 157 00:05:52,618 --> 00:05:54,120 But you have dispelled them all. 158 00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:55,121 To you. 159 00:05:55,621 --> 00:05:56,122 Ah... 160 00:05:57,623 --> 00:05:59,092 Mmm. Mmm. Please. 161 00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,600 Mmm. Mmm. 162 00:06:21,614 --> 00:06:23,182 What's the matter? 163 00:06:23,182 --> 00:06:24,484 Nothing. 164 00:06:31,824 --> 00:06:33,326 NILES: Okay, we just need 165 00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:35,828 to fill in a name 166 00:06:35,828 --> 00:06:38,331 and I can get the application over to St. Osric's. 167 00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:39,832 How can we have a name? 168 00:06:39,832 --> 00:06:41,100 I'm not even pregnant yet. 169 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:42,368 You know, it's not the name. 170 00:06:42,368 --> 00:06:43,236 It's just a placeholder. 171 00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:44,637 Anything will do. 172 00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:47,940 Mm, all right, how about, uh... Simon? 173 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:51,577 As in your-brother-with-the- substance-abuse-problem Simon? 174 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:54,981 There are other Simons, you know. 175 00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:58,985 Simon Templar, Simon Legree, Simon Chipmunk. 176 00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:01,988 You're not exactly building a case for Simon. 177 00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:02,989 Um, how about Jill? 178 00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:04,457 No, don't like it. 179 00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:07,760 That's the name of that weather tart on channel eight. 180 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,562 All right, let's just pick a name at random. 181 00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:10,997 Oh, like, out of the phone book. 182 00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:11,998 Oh, that's a good idea, 183 00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:13,499 and leave it to fate. 184 00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:14,834 Okay... 185 00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:17,170 When I stop, you point. 186 00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:23,142 "Bob." Great. 187 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,482 Bob... 188 00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:31,350 Crane. Okay. 189 00:07:32,852 --> 00:07:35,121 Going to need some whiteout. 190 00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:39,892 LELAND: Oh, listen to me, 191 00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:41,861 I've been talking your ears off for the past hour 192 00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:42,862 about psychiatry. 193 00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:43,863 MARTIN: Yeah, really. 194 00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:46,365 Oh, Roz, do you mind if we join you? 195 00:07:46,365 --> 00:07:47,366 Oh, yeah, not at all. 196 00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:48,668 Hi, Roz. 197 00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:50,369 Leland, it is such a pleasure 198 00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:53,372 to talk shop with a fellow nutcracker. 199 00:07:53,372 --> 00:07:54,941 And talking to you "Jung" people 200 00:07:55,441 --> 00:07:56,943 makes me feel like an "id" again. 201 00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:58,411 (laughing) 202 00:07:58,411 --> 00:07:59,846 Do you have a pun, Frasier? 203 00:07:59,846 --> 00:08:02,114 Uh, no. Let's just sit down, huh? 204 00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:11,791 What's wrong? 205 00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:12,792 Nothing. 206 00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,193 Oh, you know, there is 207 00:08:14,193 --> 00:08:16,062 a wonderful Brassai exhibit in town. 208 00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:17,897 What do you say we stop over there after lunch? 209 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:18,731 I would love that. 210 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:19,732 I'm a big fan. 211 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,234 Oh, I wish I could join you. 212 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,568 I have patients all afternoon. 213 00:08:22,802 --> 00:08:24,804 Don't suppose you'd be willing to go now would you? 214 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,540 Fine by me Certainly. Let's get coffee at the museum 215 00:08:27,907 --> 00:08:31,344 Dad, Roz, any chance you'd like to take in some 216 00:08:31,644 --> 00:08:34,146 Parisian photos by an old Romanian master? 217 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,549 Mmmm... no 218 00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:38,417 Thanks anyway. 219 00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:39,252 Okay.. 220 00:08:39,752 --> 00:08:40,586 Oh, excuse me. 221 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,488 Your father forgot his umbrella. 222 00:08:42,989 --> 00:08:44,991 Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. 223 00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:46,492 Here you go... "Dad." 224 00:08:46,492 --> 00:08:48,494 (all chuckling) 225 00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:51,430 Well, I don't blame him for that. 226 00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:53,499 Leland's more like him than I am. 227 00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:55,001 Really? You really think so? 228 00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:57,003 Oh, come on, how can you not see it? 229 00:08:57,003 --> 00:09:00,306 They're like three fancy peas in a pod. 230 00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:01,607 Well, I did notice that they have 231 00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:03,109 the same taste in art and music, 232 00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:05,611 and they even have some of the same mannerisms. 233 00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:06,445 Yeah. 234 00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,415 And Leland and Niles are both allergic 235 00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:11,918 to rosehips and Jerusalem artichokes. 236 00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:13,286 Weird, huh? 237 00:09:13,753 --> 00:09:15,321 When Leland was talking to me last night 238 00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:17,323 about how close he and Hester were, 239 00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:19,225 I started thinking what you're thinking. 240 00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:25,431 And what am I thinking? 241 00:09:25,698 --> 00:09:27,733 Nothing. 242 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,936 What are you saying? You think he's their father? 243 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:31,637 No, I wasn't saying that 244 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,473 Well, lots of people like art and sherry and-and... 245 00:09:34,473 --> 00:09:35,474 French stuff. 246 00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:37,243 It doesn't mean they're related. 247 00:09:37,476 --> 00:09:41,447 By your logic, everyone on the cooking channel is their father. 248 00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:44,150 Okay. Okay 249 00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:47,954 Ugh! what the hell is this? 250 00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:48,955 I don't know. 251 00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:50,957 It was there when I sat down. 252 00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:53,960 Ew! 253 00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:59,465 Leland, your autobiography is wonderful. 254 00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:00,967 Thank you. 255 00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:02,969 Let us hope that the publishing houses feel similarly. 256 00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:04,403 Ah. Have you shown it to Frasier? 257 00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,339 No, I haven't. How's he feeling, by the way? 258 00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,340 Let's go see. Right. 259 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,841 (cell phone rings) 260 00:10:08,841 --> 00:10:10,176 Yeah, bring the manuscript; he'd love to see it. 261 00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:12,078 Hello. 262 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,012 Oh, hello, darling. 263 00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:14,447 Go ahead, I'll be right there. 264 00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:18,684 Okay, so Delilah's out. 265 00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:20,653 No, no, that's fine, that's fine. 266 00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:22,188 What are your ideas? 267 00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:23,189 Taylor, uh-huh. 268 00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:25,691 Fletcher. 269 00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:27,693 Cooper. 270 00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:29,695 Tanner. 271 00:10:29,695 --> 00:10:31,697 Where are you getting these, 272 00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:34,700 The Big Book of Medieval Professions? 273 00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:38,004 Frasier, how you doing? 274 00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:40,339 Oh, I'm afraid my stomach is still churning. 275 00:10:40,339 --> 00:10:42,608 I-I'm not going to be able to make dinner. 276 00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:43,876 Oh, I understand. 277 00:10:43,876 --> 00:10:44,877 Well, I'll leave you to rest 278 00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:46,879 Perhaps though, later, if you're feeling better 279 00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:47,880 I can get your opinion 280 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,715 on a short section of my autobiography. 281 00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:53,052 Well, when I can't give an opinion, you may as well 282 00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:55,488 call the coroner, tag my toe, I'm dead. 283 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,290 (laughing) 284 00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:00,693 No, that's a kind of car 285 00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:04,196 Hey, Niles. Hey. 286 00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:05,131 What's going on? 287 00:11:05,464 --> 00:11:08,034 Oh, we were going to go out to dinner with Leland, 288 00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:10,036 but Frasier's not feeling well. 289 00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:11,937 Oh, well, maybe I'll go check on him. 290 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,907 Now it just sounds like you're reading from the spice rack. 291 00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:20,579 "I realized the Sherpa had become my guide 292 00:11:20,579 --> 00:11:22,581 in more ways than one." 293 00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:24,083 Oh, that was wonderful. 294 00:11:24,583 --> 00:11:25,985 Read me another. 295 00:11:26,318 --> 00:11:27,820 Oh, no, you go to sleep now. 296 00:11:28,154 --> 00:11:29,989 Oh, Dad. 297 00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:31,257 Hey, Fras. Just, uh, 298 00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:33,759 was wondering how you were feeling. 299 00:11:33,759 --> 00:11:35,761 Oh, well, not so good actually. 300 00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:39,265 I'm afraid I'm going to have to skip dinner. 301 00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:41,267 Why don't you go in my place? 302 00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:42,635 Sure, if you want me to. All right. 303 00:11:42,935 --> 00:11:44,470 You know, the two of you should get going 304 00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:45,838 or you'll miss the reservation 305 00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:47,440 Right. Well, get well, son. 306 00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:49,308 We'll be wishing you a speedy recovery. Mm? 307 00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:50,643 Oh, thank you. 308 00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:52,945 Oh, Fras, you want me 309 00:11:53,479 --> 00:11:55,981 to bring you something back from the restaurant? 310 00:11:55,981 --> 00:11:58,384 Maybe some Jell-O to soothe your tummy? 311 00:11:58,751 --> 00:12:00,286 Thanks, Dad, it's all taken care of. 312 00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:03,222 Leland is going to bring me some consomm￩ and sorbet. 313 00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:05,624 Oh. 314 00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:07,960 Okay. 315 00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:09,361 Well, Niles, it looks like 316 00:12:09,361 --> 00:12:12,298 your dad is going to take Frasier's place at dinner. 317 00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:14,366 Oh, excellent. 318 00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:15,868 Oh! 319 00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:16,769 What's the matter? 320 00:12:17,136 --> 00:12:18,471 My leg's asleep. 321 00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:19,638 Ooh, move your foot around. 322 00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:21,640 No, no, it's the whole leg. I'll just wait it out. 323 00:12:22,141 --> 00:12:23,642 But the movement will get the blood flowing. 324 00:12:24,143 --> 00:12:26,145 Go ahead, give it a try. No, can't put weight on it. 325 00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:27,480 Sure you can. Give it a try. 326 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,315 Come on, one step at a time, come on 327 00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:31,817 There you go. That a boy 328 00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:34,320 That a boy. Keep going 329 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:35,654 There you are, good. 330 00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:43,662 Hey, Roz. Hey, Martin. 331 00:12:43,662 --> 00:12:45,664 If you're looking for Frasier, he just left. 332 00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:47,666 Well, thanks, but actually, I was looking for you. 333 00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:49,635 I could use a little advice. 334 00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:51,504 From me? Really? 335 00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:53,906 Well, if it stinks, I can always ignore it. 336 00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,908 Okay, that's a plan. Come on in. 337 00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:57,243 I'm just finishing up. 338 00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:01,113 What do you need? 339 00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:03,516 Uh, it's the Leland thing. 340 00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:06,919 I mean, even though I know it's not possible 341 00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:09,922 that he's Frasier and Niles' father, 342 00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:13,192 I guess what's bugging me is, technically, it is possible. 343 00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:15,928 Well, sure, it's possible, technically. 344 00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:17,830 Martin, do you really think 345 00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:21,133 your wife would have ever cheated on you? 346 00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:24,970 She did. 347 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:26,872 She said it happened once. 348 00:13:27,239 --> 00:13:29,308 Oh, my God. 349 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:30,709 With Leland? 350 00:13:31,043 --> 00:13:33,045 No. With someone else. 351 00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:36,982 I think that you're driving yourself crazy for nothing here. 352 00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:39,485 Of course Frasier and Niles are your sons. 353 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,320 You're exactly like them. 354 00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:42,621 "Like"? How? 355 00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:45,457 A strong sense of ethics. 356 00:13:45,457 --> 00:13:49,895 Yeah. We are ethical. 357 00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:51,163 What else? 358 00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:53,399 The way they spin out of control. 359 00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:55,835 Hmm. That's true. 360 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,770 They got that from me. 361 00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:59,205 Their stubbornness. I'm not stubborn. 362 00:13:59,705 --> 00:14:00,206 Their defensiveness. 363 00:14:00,706 --> 00:14:01,707 What's that supposed to mean? 364 00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:03,209 The way they completely dismiss anyone 365 00:14:03,209 --> 00:14:04,210 who doesn't share their opinion. 366 00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:07,179 Oh, now you're just being dumb. 367 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:10,216 Hey, what is the worst-case scenario? 368 00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:12,718 If you found out you weren't their father, 369 00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:14,220 would you love them any less? 370 00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:15,988 No, no. 371 00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:20,759 Well, yeah, a little, maybe, at first, but no. 372 00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:24,563 I'd feel the same about them as I hope they would about me. 373 00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:28,234 Which they would, and you know that. 374 00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:29,668 Yeah. 375 00:14:29,668 --> 00:14:32,671 I mean, you'd still love Alice if you'd found out 376 00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:35,507 you'd gotten the wrong baby at the hospital. 377 00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:36,375 Sure. 378 00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:37,877 (both chuckle) 379 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,379 And as a cop, I've seen that happen 380 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:41,881 more often than you'd think. 381 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,382 Especially at Seattle General. 382 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,384 I had Alice at Seattle General. 383 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:47,853 Oh. Sorry. 384 00:14:47,853 --> 00:14:50,289 But the point was that you'd love her just the same 385 00:14:50,289 --> 00:14:52,191 so who cares who her real mother is. 386 00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:54,059 I'm her real mother! 387 00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:55,561 Okay, geez. 388 00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:57,997 How about Desmond? 389 00:14:57,997 --> 00:14:59,031 Desmond Crane. 390 00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:02,067 Desmond Crane, you are hereby sentenced to... 391 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:04,570 No, I don't like it. 392 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:05,971 What about Jack? 393 00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:08,374 Afraid not. 394 00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:10,376 The first name ends with the same sound 395 00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:11,377 that begins the last name. 396 00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:13,879 So you either end up running them together 397 00:15:13,879 --> 00:15:16,382 Jack Crane, or you face the dreaded glottal stop. 398 00:15:16,382 --> 00:15:19,818 Jack Crane. Jack Crane. 399 00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:23,722 It's unpleasant for the throat. 400 00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:26,225 This conversation's unpleasant for the throat. 401 00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:27,726 Well, I know, I know. 402 00:15:27,726 --> 00:15:31,730 Okay. Oh... why don't we use the name of that nice nurse 403 00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:33,165 from when I was in the hospital? 404 00:15:33,532 --> 00:15:36,602 Fong or Deshondra? 405 00:15:39,071 --> 00:15:40,039 Fong. 406 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:43,442 Wait. Let's not drive ourselves crazy about this. 407 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:45,477 It's a temporary name for a hypothetical child. 408 00:15:45,477 --> 00:15:48,447 Yes, but once you give something a name, it makes it more real, 409 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,916 and then that name will always have a sort of priority. 410 00:15:50,916 --> 00:15:53,185 I don't care how often you say 411 00:15:53,185 --> 00:15:55,454 "elevator" or "apartment" or "crossing guard," 412 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:57,957 to me they'll always be "lifts" and "flats" 413 00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,458 and "lollipop men." 414 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:02,461 Well, then, tell you what, you pick a name 415 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:04,897 and I'll accept it unconditionally. 416 00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:07,132 Milton. 417 00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:11,303 Milton. Great poet and a great name. 418 00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:12,304 Great. 419 00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:13,305 Can we go to bed now? 420 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:14,807 Yes. 421 00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,312 Hey, didn't you have 422 00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:22,815 a soccer hooligan boyfriend named Milton? 423 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,817 Yeah, that's where I got it. No... 424 00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:33,759 ♪ ♪♪ I know the kings of England ♪ 425 00:16:33,759 --> 00:16:35,828 ♪♪ And I quote the fights historical ♪♪ 426 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,197 ♪♪ From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical ♪♪ 427 00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:40,866 ♪♪ I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical ♪♪ 428 00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:43,502 ♪ ♪♪ I understand equations, bot h the simple and quadratical ♪ 429 00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:46,372 ♪♪ ♪♪ About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot of news 430 00:16:46,372 --> 00:16:51,877 ♪♪ With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse ♪♪ 431 00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:54,713 ♪ ♪♪ With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse ♪ 432 00:16:54,713 --> 00:16:58,617 ♪♪ With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse ♪ ♪ 433 00:16:58,617 --> 00:17:02,755 ♪♪ With many awful acts about the scary hippopotamus! ♪♪ 434 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,232 What a wonderfully musical family you are. 435 00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:15,067 We sure are. 436 00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:16,602 Me and my boys. 437 00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:20,472 My boys and me, yeah. We're wonderful 438 00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:22,741 and we're musical. 439 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,109 Martin, I can't tell you 440 00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:25,511 what a wonderful job you've done with them. 441 00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:26,879 Oh, it's wasn't a job. 442 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,381 It was a biological pleasure. 443 00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:31,383 And don't forget, I had Hester. 444 00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:32,885 (phone rings) Oh, excuse me. 445 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,386 You were lucky. 446 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:35,387 She was a splendid woman 447 00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:36,889 and a remarkable research partner. 448 00:17:37,289 --> 00:17:39,224 And an even better life partner. 449 00:17:39,491 --> 00:17:41,560 Well, I wouldn't know about that. 450 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,529 Damn straight you wouldn't 451 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:46,331 Leland, your cab is waiting. 452 00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:48,667 Oh, so soon? 453 00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:53,038 Well, I can't thank you enough for all your courtesies. 454 00:17:53,038 --> 00:17:55,407 Bless you. If you are ever in Paris, 455 00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:58,277 you must allow me to repay your many kindnesses. 456 00:17:58,277 --> 00:17:59,645 Oh, thank you so much. 457 00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:01,647 I'm so proud of the way you boys have turned out. 458 00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:03,148 Leland, let me walk you out. 459 00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:04,583 Thank you. 460 00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:05,617 NILES: Bon voyage. 461 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,431 Leland, there's a question I need to ask you. 462 00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:21,233 Oh, yes, of course. Anything. 463 00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:25,571 I'm a little uncomfortable even bringing it up, 464 00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:27,573 but I don't think I could let you leave the country 465 00:18:28,073 --> 00:18:29,475 without knowing the answer. 466 00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:36,748 I know that you and my wife spent a lot of time together, 467 00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:38,617 that you were close. 468 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:42,521 I loved her very much. 469 00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:47,826 And I guess my question is, how much? 470 00:18:47,826 --> 00:18:52,264 Enough to... 471 00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:55,067 trust her with the fact that I'm gay. 472 00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:59,271 Oh! 473 00:18:59,271 --> 00:19:02,174 40 years ago, people weren't as accepting 474 00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:03,675 as they are nowadays, 475 00:19:03,675 --> 00:19:06,979 and without someone like her to confide in... 476 00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:09,815 She quite probably saved my life. 477 00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:23,228 Leland, she loved you, too. 478 00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:26,932 She really was something, wasn't she? 479 00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:29,001 Oh, she really was. 480 00:19:30,802 --> 00:19:31,803 Bye, Martin. 481 00:19:31,803 --> 00:19:33,305 Take care, Leland. 482 00:19:33,805 --> 00:19:34,806 Thank you. 483 00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:43,715 My boys. 484 00:19:43,982 --> 00:19:46,952 ♪♪ On a tree by a river a little tom-tit ♪♪ 485 00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:51,757 ♪♪ Sang "Willow, titwillow , titwillow" ♪♪ 486 00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:55,694 ♪♪ And I said to him, "Dicky-bird, why do you sit ♪♪ 487 00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:59,565 ♪♪ ♪♪ Singing '’’Willow, titwillow, titwillow'’’?" 488 00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:04,036 ♪ ♪♪ "Is it a weakness of the intellect, birdie,?" I cried ♪ 489 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:07,539 ♪♪ "Or a very tough worm on your little inside?" ♪♪ 490 00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:11,543 Oh, my God, are you still stuck 491 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:13,545 picking a name for that application? 492 00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:14,980 Yeah, we can't come up with one. 493 00:20:15,347 --> 00:20:16,381 Oh, God, give it to me. 494 00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:19,885 And then I'll fill it in and you'll never have to see it, 495 00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:21,386 you won't feel stuck with it 496 00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:23,388 That's a great idea. 497 00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:38,704 Howard Clifton is officially accepted. 498 00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:41,473 Who do we have next? 499 00:20:41,873 --> 00:20:45,944 Last name "Crane," first name... 500 00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:47,946 "Ichabod." 501 00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:57,422 Well, if they're not going to take the application seriously, 502 00:20:57,422 --> 00:21:00,425 how can we expect them to take St. Osric's seriously? 503 00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:10,435 ♪♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-calling ♪ ♪ 504 00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:13,939 ♪♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪♪ 505 00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:15,440 Oh, my! 506 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,943 ♪♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪♪ 507 00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:20,946 ♪♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪♪ 508 00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:22,948 (laughs) 509 00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:24,449 ♪♪ But I don'’’t know what to do ♪♪ 510 00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:28,453 ♪♪ With those tossed salad s and scrambled eggs ♪♪ 511 00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:30,956 ♪♪ They'’’re calling again . ♪♪ 512 00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:33,458 Thank you!