1 00:00:02,171 --> 00:00:04,172 [THEME SONG PLAYING] 2 00:00:09,219 --> 00:00:12,596 FRASIER: I'm glad you came back with us. I hope you had a good time. 3 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,266 Well, I can't tell you how much fun this has been. 4 00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:18,393 Listen, now that you know the way, don't be a stranger, okay? 5 00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:20,145 Good night. 6 00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:22,397 Who the hell was that? 7 00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:25,566 -He's not from the station? -I never saw him before. 8 00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:28,110 He was table-hopping like crazy during the awards. 9 00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,446 That's because he was our waiter. 10 00:00:33,490 --> 00:00:36,590 Well, that's the last time I say, "Everybody back to my place." 11 00:00:37,535 --> 00:00:40,663 Oh, who cares about that guy? This is a great night. 12 00:00:40,830 --> 00:00:43,081 For you, maybe. The rest of us lost. 13 00:00:43,290 --> 00:00:45,834 Hey, it's not important whether you win or lose. 14 00:00:46,001 --> 00:00:47,601 It's an honor just being nomi… 15 00:00:47,961 --> 00:00:49,296 [LAUGHING] 16 00:00:49,587 --> 00:00:53,037 I couldn't get through that crap on stage. I can't get through it now. 17 00:00:54,550 --> 00:00:57,051 -Do you mind if I use your phone? -FRASIER: No, not at all. 18 00:00:57,135 --> 00:00:58,678 Who are you calling? It's midnight. 19 00:00:58,762 --> 00:01:02,265 I promised my grandmother I'd leave her a message telling her how we did. 20 00:01:02,349 --> 00:01:06,685 Hey, Gammy, it's Roz. Guess what? I won again. We're all here celebrating. 21 00:01:07,645 --> 00:01:09,355 ALL: Yay. 22 00:01:09,563 --> 00:01:11,148 ROZ: Listen, I gotta go. 23 00:01:11,357 --> 00:01:14,358 It's getting crazy here, but I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye-bye. 24 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:17,236 You lied to Gammy? 25 00:01:18,529 --> 00:01:21,031 Well, she's old, and it makes her happy. 26 00:01:21,198 --> 00:01:24,048 She smiled for a week when I won the Miss Seattle pageant. 27 00:01:27,245 --> 00:01:30,373 You know, Roz raises a very interesting philosophical question. 28 00:01:30,581 --> 00:01:33,167 Here we go. Buckle up. 29 00:01:34,377 --> 00:01:37,295 Is it always morally wrong to lie? 30 00:01:37,504 --> 00:01:39,172 Now, we are taught that it is. 31 00:01:39,673 --> 00:01:43,008 But are there certain occasions where a lie would be acceptable? 32 00:01:43,217 --> 00:01:45,719 Yeah, like the lies you tell a chick in bed. 33 00:01:46,178 --> 00:01:50,556 "You're the best I've ever been with." "Your thighs don't look that fat." 34 00:01:52,517 --> 00:01:54,435 "Don't worry, I've had a vasectomy." 35 00:01:56,854 --> 00:02:00,941 Hey, screw you guys! I'm an artist. We live by different rules. 36 00:02:02,359 --> 00:02:05,028 An argument can certainly be made that a lie is good 37 00:02:05,195 --> 00:02:07,195 when it spares someone unnecessary pain. 38 00:02:07,321 --> 00:02:11,158 I'm reminded of Maris' brief flirtation with active wear when I assured her: 39 00:02:11,617 --> 00:02:15,995 "You look fine, darling, spandex is supposed to blouse." 40 00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:23,627 You know, Lilith actually told me the other day that 41 00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:25,421 Frederick has taken to lying. 42 00:02:26,755 --> 00:02:29,757 Yes, he told all of his friends that Lilith is an alien. 43 00:02:31,592 --> 00:02:33,928 It seems as good an explanation as any. 44 00:02:34,887 --> 00:02:37,472 Yes, he also told them that she wears her hair in a bun 45 00:02:37,556 --> 00:02:39,766 to hide the third eye in the back of her head. 46 00:02:39,850 --> 00:02:42,018 -How did Lilith find out? -FRASIER: Well, 47 00:02:42,227 --> 00:02:44,936 apparently, she was driving him and two of his friends over 48 00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:46,439 to a Junior Mensa meeting. 49 00:02:46,605 --> 00:02:48,065 She looked in the rear-view mirror 50 00:02:48,149 --> 00:02:50,818 and saw that they were making faces at the other cars. 51 00:02:50,985 --> 00:02:53,111 So never have the words "I can see you" 52 00:02:53,319 --> 00:02:56,239 caused so much screaming and wetting of pants. 53 00:02:56,448 --> 00:02:57,657 [LAUGHING] 54 00:02:59,950 --> 00:03:02,369 I did my share of fibbing too. 55 00:03:02,536 --> 00:03:05,914 I once told my school chums I was born with a tiny embryonic twin 56 00:03:06,081 --> 00:03:07,707 attached to my hip. 57 00:03:10,042 --> 00:03:13,920 Of course, they were horrified, and it didn't help my social life at all. 58 00:03:14,087 --> 00:03:18,216 Oh, but for a while there it was nice having a sister. 59 00:03:26,015 --> 00:03:28,642 Oh, remember in prep school when we were so desperate 60 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:31,060 to avoid the President's Physical Fitness Test… 61 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:33,104 That we lit a match underneath the fire alarm, 62 00:03:33,188 --> 00:03:36,688 -and all the sprinklers went off. -And we blamed that delinquent kid, 63 00:03:36,774 --> 00:03:38,942 -John Rajeski. -Yes. 64 00:03:39,109 --> 00:03:41,236 -You did what? -What's wrong? 65 00:03:41,445 --> 00:03:44,488 You two swore up and down to me that you never set off that alarm. 66 00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:46,866 Well, of course, we weren't gonna tell you. 67 00:03:47,533 --> 00:03:49,618 NILES: For heaven's sake, Dad, you can't be mad. 68 00:03:49,702 --> 00:03:50,912 We were kids. 69 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,037 You know, the headmaster said it was you two. 70 00:03:53,121 --> 00:03:56,082 I went there and raised hell with him. I said, "My kids don't lie." 71 00:03:56,166 --> 00:03:59,044 Because of you, that Rajeski kid got expelled. 72 00:03:59,668 --> 00:04:01,504 Expelled? 73 00:04:02,171 --> 00:04:04,089 Jeez, if we'd known that was gonna happen, 74 00:04:04,173 --> 00:04:06,425 -we would've told the truth. -Not me. 75 00:04:07,509 --> 00:04:10,345 He was a brute and a meanie. 76 00:04:12,013 --> 00:04:13,640 FRASIER: You're right. 77 00:04:13,848 --> 00:04:15,998 He used to make the most merciless fun of me 78 00:04:16,099 --> 00:04:18,977 because I always wore my gym shorts in the shower. 79 00:04:21,563 --> 00:04:25,024 He used to call me shorts-in-the-shower boy. 80 00:04:27,068 --> 00:04:29,268 Well, you don't have to be witty to be cruel. 81 00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:34,187 I don't give a damn what that kid did. Getting him expelled was worse. 82 00:04:34,366 --> 00:04:36,366 I'm going to bed. Good night, everybody. 83 00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:39,370 -Good night. -FRASIER: Good night, Dad. 84 00:04:39,829 --> 00:04:42,873 Well, I guess that brings an end to our little debate. 85 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,124 Apparently, there are no good lies. 86 00:04:45,333 --> 00:04:47,669 Hey, hey, it's getting kind of heavy in here. 87 00:04:47,836 --> 00:04:50,213 We gotta liven this place up, huh? 88 00:04:50,380 --> 00:04:52,465 Hey, I know. Party games, huh? 89 00:04:52,674 --> 00:04:55,175 All right, Doc, I'm gonna need 90 00:04:55,384 --> 00:04:58,345 a blindfold, some whipped cream and a glass coffee table. 91 00:05:00,388 --> 00:05:02,515 What? Nobody here went to camp? 92 00:05:04,308 --> 00:05:08,562 Forget it, Bulldog. These guys are no fun. 93 00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:11,857 You know what? I know a great after-hours place 94 00:05:12,023 --> 00:05:13,859 where we can go get a few drinks. 95 00:05:14,067 --> 00:05:16,318 Now you're talking. 96 00:05:16,485 --> 00:05:17,653 Hey, if things go well, 97 00:05:17,820 --> 00:05:19,520 I know an after-after-hours place. 98 00:05:19,697 --> 00:05:24,033 -I got the keys. -You get the elevator, I'll get my coat. 99 00:05:24,242 --> 00:05:25,910 You're on. 100 00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,667 No good lies, my ass. 101 00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:44,199 -NILES: Good morning, Frasier. -Oh, good morning, Niles. 102 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:48,013 Oh, dear God, it's finally happened. 103 00:05:48,179 --> 00:05:49,379 This is the thanks I get 104 00:05:49,472 --> 00:05:51,572 for introducing you to my personal shopper. 105 00:05:51,766 --> 00:05:53,850 I gave Rinaldo instructions to write down 106 00:05:53,934 --> 00:05:55,560 every article of clothing I've purchased 107 00:05:55,644 --> 00:05:57,103 so we could avoid this sort of calamity. 108 00:05:57,187 --> 00:05:58,731 I didn't use Rinaldo. 109 00:05:58,898 --> 00:06:02,233 This suit just caught my eye while I was shopping for shoes. 110 00:06:03,818 --> 00:06:05,111 Oh! 111 00:06:06,654 --> 00:06:07,988 Well, why didn't you also take 112 00:06:08,072 --> 00:06:11,072 -my strong chin and swimmer's build? -FRASIER: Oh, please. 113 00:06:12,451 --> 00:06:15,495 -Obviously, we have to sit apart today. -Oh, sit down! 114 00:06:17,121 --> 00:06:19,331 There's something I need to talk to you about. 115 00:06:19,415 --> 00:06:22,209 Most people aren't as attuned to these things as you and I are. 116 00:06:22,293 --> 00:06:24,085 I'm sure they won't even notice. 117 00:06:24,294 --> 00:06:25,394 Here, double espresso. 118 00:06:25,503 --> 00:06:28,757 I took a chance and brought you the same thing. 119 00:06:33,135 --> 00:06:34,511 FRASIER: Well, anyway, 120 00:06:35,137 --> 00:06:38,014 after our conversation last night, I couldn't stop thinking 121 00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:40,098 about our getting John Rajeski expelled. 122 00:06:40,183 --> 00:06:42,936 -I didn't sleep a wink. -You can't be serious. 123 00:06:43,561 --> 00:06:46,105 You mean, it didn't bother you? Where is your conscience? 124 00:06:46,189 --> 00:06:49,274 Perhaps it fell into the quad along with my hall monitor beret 125 00:06:49,441 --> 00:06:52,194 when John hung me from the flagpole. 126 00:06:55,237 --> 00:06:57,072 He was going to be expelled sooner or later. 127 00:06:57,156 --> 00:06:59,075 You cannot guilt me into feeling bad. 128 00:06:59,283 --> 00:07:01,494 Yes, well, no one hated him more than I did, 129 00:07:01,661 --> 00:07:03,661 but I still think we owe him an apology. 130 00:07:03,995 --> 00:07:07,958 -May I borrow your phone, Niles? -Certainly. There you are. 131 00:07:08,124 --> 00:07:09,417 You're not going to call him. 132 00:07:09,501 --> 00:07:11,877 -I am. -Are you insane? 133 00:07:12,044 --> 00:07:14,087 Hello, a number for a John Rajeski, please. 134 00:07:14,171 --> 00:07:17,840 Niles, my conscience won't rest until the two of us have said we're sorry. 135 00:07:18,257 --> 00:07:20,176 Oh, yes, connect me, please. 136 00:07:20,343 --> 00:07:22,470 Leave me out of this. I'm not sorry. 137 00:07:22,637 --> 00:07:24,138 But don't tell him that. 138 00:07:26,098 --> 00:07:29,685 And if he asks, I'm living in Italy. 139 00:07:29,851 --> 00:07:32,229 No, no, France. 140 00:07:32,395 --> 00:07:34,605 No, Italy. 141 00:07:35,398 --> 00:07:36,565 Yes, hello. 142 00:07:36,732 --> 00:07:40,318 Is John Rajeski there, please? It's an old friend of his. 143 00:07:41,486 --> 00:07:42,445 Oh. 144 00:07:43,154 --> 00:07:46,324 I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Thank you. 145 00:07:47,783 --> 00:07:49,868 Niles, it's worse than we thought. 146 00:07:50,119 --> 00:07:52,037 He's in prison. 147 00:07:53,205 --> 00:07:57,125 Well, who's wearing shorts in the shower now? 148 00:08:05,507 --> 00:08:06,841 Yes, well, joke all you like. 149 00:08:06,925 --> 00:08:09,510 I still can't help thinking this is all our fault. 150 00:08:09,594 --> 00:08:11,887 -How? -Well, he was always on the cusp. 151 00:08:12,555 --> 00:08:16,255 Maybe he couldn't get in another prep school. Maybe he had to go to public. 152 00:08:16,851 --> 00:08:18,184 Fell in with the wrong crowd, 153 00:08:18,268 --> 00:08:20,686 couldn't hold down a job, he turned to a life of crime. 154 00:08:20,770 --> 00:08:23,230 Frasier, sometimes bad things happen to bad people. 155 00:08:23,314 --> 00:08:25,816 We did not set him on the path to prison. 156 00:08:26,025 --> 00:08:29,277 Until I'm sure, my conscience will not rest. I have got to speak with him. 157 00:08:29,361 --> 00:08:30,446 May I have the check? 158 00:08:30,612 --> 00:08:32,197 You're not going down to the jail. 159 00:08:32,281 --> 00:08:35,241 Yes, I am. I invite you to join me. 160 00:08:35,450 --> 00:08:37,452 Oh, yes, that's a good idea, Frasier. 161 00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:40,996 The Crane boys going to a prison in matching outfits. 162 00:08:54,425 --> 00:08:56,342 -Frasier Crane? -John. 163 00:08:56,551 --> 00:08:58,344 Hey, how's it going? 164 00:08:58,553 --> 00:09:00,346 Well, fine. And you? 165 00:09:00,764 --> 00:09:02,140 Eh. 166 00:09:04,892 --> 00:09:07,019 -What brings you down here? -Well, 167 00:09:07,227 --> 00:09:10,314 I don't know if you get the alumni magazine, but… 168 00:09:10,773 --> 00:09:13,691 -No. -I became a psychiatrist, 169 00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:17,653 and I'm currently conducting a study on men behind bars 170 00:09:17,820 --> 00:09:23,325 and how they got there. That's an awfully nasty bruise on your knuckles. 171 00:09:23,492 --> 00:09:27,536 Oh, this… Caught some guy using my comb. 172 00:09:27,703 --> 00:09:29,997 I really hate it when people touch my stuff. 173 00:09:30,581 --> 00:09:34,375 Oh, yes, I remember my brother Niles once sat in your chair in the cafeteria. 174 00:09:34,459 --> 00:09:37,837 As I recall, you put him on a tray and ran him through the dishwasher. 175 00:09:37,921 --> 00:09:38,963 [LAUGHING] 176 00:09:39,130 --> 00:09:42,049 Yeah, class clown, that was me. 177 00:09:43,425 --> 00:09:45,052 Yeah, how is Niles anyway? 178 00:09:45,260 --> 00:09:48,055 He's… He's abroad now. 179 00:09:48,263 --> 00:09:49,889 Really? 180 00:09:52,266 --> 00:09:54,852 -Whoa, that must have hurt. -No, no, I mean… 181 00:09:55,269 --> 00:09:58,021 Well, yes, I suppose it did. 182 00:09:58,855 --> 00:10:01,566 Anyway, it would be an enormous help in my study if you could 183 00:10:01,650 --> 00:10:06,487 perhaps pinpoint the moment or event in your life 184 00:10:06,654 --> 00:10:09,448 that led you to here. 185 00:10:09,657 --> 00:10:10,866 Oh, that's easy. 186 00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:13,201 I'm doing time for passing a bad check. 187 00:10:14,035 --> 00:10:16,830 Yeah, you see, I wanted to get my wife something nice. 188 00:10:17,038 --> 00:10:19,541 Been going through a rough time recently. 189 00:10:19,748 --> 00:10:21,548 I was scared she was gonna leave me. 190 00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:23,001 That was quick and painless. 191 00:10:23,085 --> 00:10:25,170 We identified the point where you fell off the beam. 192 00:10:25,254 --> 00:10:27,713 Actually, though, I was already on probation. 193 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:29,506 I did some time about ten years back 194 00:10:29,590 --> 00:10:31,675 for driving a car that didn't belong to me. 195 00:10:31,759 --> 00:10:34,220 And that was your first infraction. 196 00:10:34,428 --> 00:10:35,929 -Oh, yeah. -Well, then, 197 00:10:36,096 --> 00:10:37,639 case closed, mystery solved. 198 00:10:37,806 --> 00:10:40,517 Young man yields to the lure of a bright and shiny car. 199 00:10:40,934 --> 00:10:43,935 -Is there anything more tragic? -I did have a juvenile record. 200 00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,938 Apparently, there is. 201 00:10:46,856 --> 00:10:48,956 Got thrown out of high school for fighting. 202 00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:52,569 You did say high school, not prep school? 203 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:55,947 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This was way after you knew me. 204 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,407 I went bad then. 205 00:10:58,615 --> 00:11:00,701 Always getting into fights. 206 00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:03,328 Of course, I wouldn't have been there in the first place 207 00:11:03,412 --> 00:11:06,873 if I hadn't got thrown out of that good school you and me were in. 208 00:11:08,583 --> 00:11:10,292 That had a big effect on me, you know? 209 00:11:10,376 --> 00:11:12,835 Yes, well, perhaps we could continue our backward journey… 210 00:11:12,919 --> 00:11:15,338 No, no, no, that was a bum rap. 211 00:11:15,881 --> 00:11:18,091 Somebody pulled the fire alarm. 212 00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:20,884 They blamed me for it. They said I did it. I didn't do it. 213 00:11:20,968 --> 00:11:23,136 -Let's discuss your early childhood. -You know, 214 00:11:23,220 --> 00:11:24,847 the more I think about it, 215 00:11:25,055 --> 00:11:27,557 this all started the day I got thrown out of prep school. 216 00:11:27,641 --> 00:11:29,491 Ever since then, my life's been crap. 217 00:11:29,684 --> 00:11:30,727 Crap! 218 00:11:30,894 --> 00:11:33,644 You know, I think I have all the information I need now. 219 00:11:33,855 --> 00:11:36,106 Sorry, I didn't mean to blow like that. 220 00:11:36,273 --> 00:11:39,234 Well, that's all right, John. 221 00:11:39,776 --> 00:11:41,445 Thank you for your time. 222 00:11:41,945 --> 00:11:43,821 Got plenty of it, huh? 223 00:11:44,739 --> 00:11:46,657 -See you. -Yeah. 224 00:11:47,241 --> 00:11:49,410 No, no, John, there's just one more thing. 225 00:11:49,619 --> 00:11:52,287 One second, please. 226 00:11:52,829 --> 00:11:55,582 There's something I need to tell you about. 227 00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:57,875 Something I did in school I'm not very proud of. 228 00:11:57,959 --> 00:12:02,379 Yo, John. Sorry I touched your comb, man. 229 00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:05,841 JOHN: Beat it. 230 00:12:09,969 --> 00:12:11,304 So, what'd you do? 231 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:16,558 Well, I peeked over your shoulder once during an algebra quiz. 232 00:12:17,434 --> 00:12:20,187 And I'm the one who gets expelled. 233 00:12:27,568 --> 00:12:30,570 [DOORBELL RINGS, DOOR OPENS] 234 00:12:30,737 --> 00:12:31,863 DAPHNE: Evening, Dr. Crane. 235 00:12:31,947 --> 00:12:33,781 -NILES: Hello, Daphne, Dad. -MARTIN: Hi. 236 00:12:33,865 --> 00:12:35,366 Is something wrong with your back? 237 00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:38,494 I injured it this morning playing squash. 238 00:12:39,245 --> 00:12:42,039 I had to make a dive to save match point. 239 00:12:42,248 --> 00:12:44,373 Well, I've got just the thing to take care of that. 240 00:12:44,457 --> 00:12:46,507 Take off your jacket. I'll be right back. 241 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,379 NILES: You're too kind. 242 00:12:49,587 --> 00:12:51,921 I should never have even attempted a move like that. 243 00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:55,842 It was sort of a cross between a pirouette and a flying-scissor kick. 244 00:12:57,511 --> 00:13:00,053 You hurt yourself adjusting the seat in your Mercedes again? 245 00:13:00,137 --> 00:13:01,597 Quiet. 246 00:13:02,098 --> 00:13:06,018 All right, pull out your shirttails and lay face down on the sofa. 247 00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:09,771 I can guarantee you within a minute you'll be feeling much better. 248 00:13:10,230 --> 00:13:11,982 [MOANING] 249 00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:15,818 I haven't even touched you yet. 250 00:13:16,026 --> 00:13:18,153 I started without you. 251 00:13:22,448 --> 00:13:25,284 Hey, wait a minute. You're not gonna use that stuff on him, are you? 252 00:13:25,368 --> 00:13:27,745 She used it on me one time, and it burned like hell. 253 00:13:27,829 --> 00:13:29,913 Oh, hush up, old man. It helped you, didn't it? 254 00:13:29,997 --> 00:13:31,081 It nearly killed me. 255 00:13:31,290 --> 00:13:33,166 Oh, listen to the big, tough policeman. 256 00:13:33,250 --> 00:13:35,793 You don't hear your son complaining, do we, Dr Crane? 257 00:13:35,877 --> 00:13:37,878 Not a bit. 258 00:13:39,088 --> 00:13:41,882 Frost me like a cake. 259 00:13:42,633 --> 00:13:43,842 Well, just wait a minute. 260 00:13:43,926 --> 00:13:47,095 It goes on cool, but then it turns into a blowtorch. 261 00:13:47,470 --> 00:13:50,765 Well, I guess now we know who the real man in the family is, don't we? 262 00:13:50,849 --> 00:13:53,350 I should say we do… 263 00:13:54,226 --> 00:13:57,396 -Is it starting to warm up? -Yeah. 264 00:13:57,896 --> 00:13:59,272 But it's… It's a refreshing heat, 265 00:13:59,356 --> 00:14:01,858 like those towels they give you on the airplane. 266 00:14:02,025 --> 00:14:03,693 Whoo. 267 00:14:04,569 --> 00:14:05,819 I'm not hurting you, am I? 268 00:14:05,903 --> 00:14:07,987 No, no, I'm just a little ticklish back there. 269 00:14:08,071 --> 00:14:09,156 Ah! Ah! Ah! 270 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,372 Well, I guess you are the tough one. 271 00:14:18,873 --> 00:14:21,667 -DAPHNE: There you go. -Wait a minute. You missed a spot. 272 00:14:21,751 --> 00:14:23,126 NILES: No, that's okay, 273 00:14:23,335 --> 00:14:26,004 because it's all done now. And thank you, Daphne. 274 00:14:26,212 --> 00:14:28,839 A few minutes ago, I was bent over in pain, but now look at me. 275 00:14:28,923 --> 00:14:31,258 I'm running! 276 00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:45,854 -How is that hip of yours, anyway? -Back off, witch woman. 277 00:14:47,773 --> 00:14:49,941 -DAPHNE: Evening, Dr Crane. -Good evening, Daphne. 278 00:14:50,025 --> 00:14:52,486 -How'd it go at the jail? -Horribly. 279 00:14:53,486 --> 00:14:56,864 The man is convinced that getting thrown out of prep school 280 00:14:57,031 --> 00:14:58,949 was the beginning of his life of crime. 281 00:14:59,033 --> 00:15:01,033 He's been thinking that all these years? 282 00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:02,786 No. 283 00:15:03,578 --> 00:15:05,372 I sort of… 284 00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:08,832 Connected the dots for him. 285 00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:12,044 -Did you tell him it was you? -No, I intended to, 286 00:15:12,211 --> 00:15:14,296 but I became convinced the man would be willing 287 00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:18,383 to perform unspeakable atrocities on the responsible party or parties. 288 00:15:18,549 --> 00:15:20,676 MARTIN: Well, you probably made the right call. 289 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:23,970 Knowing you, you'd beat yourself up worse than he would anyway. 290 00:15:24,137 --> 00:15:27,224 I hope you remembered to tell him I was an expatriate. 291 00:15:27,724 --> 00:15:30,352 I told him you were an ex-something. 292 00:15:36,607 --> 00:15:38,359 You know, I just feel so guilty. 293 00:15:38,526 --> 00:15:41,319 Jeez, I've done this man a terrible injustice. 294 00:15:41,486 --> 00:15:43,780 You know, Dr. Crane, I've always believed 295 00:15:43,947 --> 00:15:46,241 life has a way of balancing itself out. 296 00:15:46,407 --> 00:15:49,159 Well, yes, you may have treated this man unfairly, 297 00:15:49,326 --> 00:15:51,703 but think of all the people you've helped on your show. 298 00:15:51,787 --> 00:15:55,373 Well, just yesterday you reconciled that couple on the brink of divorce. 299 00:15:55,540 --> 00:16:01,045 Today you helped Molly from Tacoma overcome her addiction to Swedes. 300 00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:08,343 That was "sweets," not Swedes. 301 00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,472 I thought it was strange when you told her 302 00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:16,308 to limit herself to one or two after meals. 303 00:16:19,310 --> 00:16:21,560 Perhaps I just have an over active conscience. 304 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:25,480 It's not enough that I've helped other people, I want to help this man. 305 00:16:25,566 --> 00:16:30,279 I hope you do, because then you'll stop torturing the rest of us with all your… 306 00:16:30,446 --> 00:16:33,656 -Oh, pain's back. -Don't worry, she's got more liniment. 307 00:16:33,865 --> 00:16:35,575 Oh, pain's gone. 308 00:16:36,284 --> 00:16:38,286 Oh, come on now. Don't be brave. 309 00:16:38,453 --> 00:16:41,746 Let's go into the loo, and I'll give you a second coat. 310 00:16:45,542 --> 00:16:48,377 You know, Dad, Daphne gives me a thought. 311 00:16:48,544 --> 00:16:50,754 I'm a skilled couple's therapist. 312 00:16:51,464 --> 00:16:54,007 And John did mention that he was having marital problems. 313 00:16:54,091 --> 00:16:56,550 -MARTIN: Oh, jeez. -No, Dad, this is perfect. It's perfect. 314 00:16:56,634 --> 00:16:59,720 I may have ruined the last 25 years of this man's life, but with my gift, 315 00:16:59,804 --> 00:17:02,098 I could save the next 25. 316 00:17:02,348 --> 00:17:05,475 -A listing for John Rajeski. Residence. -I'm telling you, Frasier, 317 00:17:05,559 --> 00:17:07,560 don't get mixed up with this guy. He's a felon. 318 00:17:07,644 --> 00:17:10,646 Connect me, please. Dad, just relax, I know what I'm doing. 319 00:17:11,189 --> 00:17:12,315 Mrs. Rajeski. 320 00:17:12,523 --> 00:17:14,525 Hello. You don't know me, but I'm… 321 00:17:14,692 --> 00:17:16,194 [NILES SCREAMING] 322 00:17:19,529 --> 00:17:20,906 My. 323 00:17:21,156 --> 00:17:24,409 Well, that's remarkable. Yes, I am a friend of your husband's. 324 00:17:27,912 --> 00:17:29,205 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 325 00:17:32,374 --> 00:17:33,416 Mrs. Rajeski. 326 00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:35,835 Wow, it's really you, 327 00:17:36,252 --> 00:17:39,339 -Frasier Crane. -Yes. May I? 328 00:17:39,547 --> 00:17:42,841 Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. Please, please, come in. 329 00:17:44,134 --> 00:17:47,179 You know, you're kind of like a god down at work. 330 00:17:47,971 --> 00:17:50,264 -Please, please sit down. -Thank you, thank you. 331 00:17:50,348 --> 00:17:52,934 Well, let me cut right to the chase. 332 00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:55,852 John told me that you two were going through a bit of a… 333 00:17:55,936 --> 00:17:57,854 A rough patch, and… 334 00:17:58,355 --> 00:18:00,955 I was wondering if there's anything I can do to help. 335 00:18:01,274 --> 00:18:05,736 Well, I love John. I really do. But there is a problem. 336 00:18:06,403 --> 00:18:09,114 It's just a little difficult talking about it, you know. 337 00:18:09,198 --> 00:18:12,366 I mean, it's a little embarrassing, especially face to face. 338 00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:16,621 Well, then, I'll tell you what. Just pretend I'm on my radio show. 339 00:18:16,788 --> 00:18:18,830 There. There now, you're just another caller. 340 00:18:18,914 --> 00:18:20,415 SUSAN: Okay. 341 00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:26,420 Well, Dr. Crane, it's a sexual problem. 342 00:18:26,629 --> 00:18:29,840 You see, I can only get really turned on when there's 343 00:18:30,007 --> 00:18:33,511 something that makes the whole situation sort of… 344 00:18:34,177 --> 00:18:36,137 -Dangerous. -Dangerous? 345 00:18:36,304 --> 00:18:38,515 -You're looking at me. -Sorry. 346 00:18:39,099 --> 00:18:41,142 Like doing it in a car. 347 00:18:41,308 --> 00:18:42,851 Well, that's not so dangerous. 348 00:18:43,018 --> 00:18:45,479 You must be some driver. 349 00:18:45,896 --> 00:18:47,022 Oh. 350 00:18:47,189 --> 00:18:48,731 And you've never had an accident? 351 00:18:48,815 --> 00:18:50,942 No, I'm on the pill. 352 00:18:54,487 --> 00:18:58,323 So… Well, how long have you had this particular kink? 353 00:18:58,532 --> 00:19:01,535 Well, I don't know really. It… 354 00:19:01,702 --> 00:19:05,121 It kind of started around the time that I first met John. 355 00:19:05,997 --> 00:19:09,959 I was working in a convenience store. I caught him shoplifting. 356 00:19:10,126 --> 00:19:13,461 Next thing I knew, we were rolling around on the Slurpee machine. 357 00:19:13,628 --> 00:19:18,758 I'd already pressed the silent alarm, so I knew that the cops were on their way. 358 00:19:19,633 --> 00:19:23,637 That's when I realized what really turns me on. 359 00:19:23,804 --> 00:19:26,432 Knowing I could get caught at any moment. 360 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:29,267 Oh, dear God! He's out of jail, isn't he? 361 00:19:29,559 --> 00:19:32,937 -He could walk in at any time. -Come on, he'll kill us. 362 00:19:33,104 --> 00:19:35,105 Touch me here and say that. 363 00:19:35,314 --> 00:19:37,024 FRASIER: Are you crazy? 364 00:19:37,190 --> 00:19:40,068 He doesn't even let people touch his comb! 365 00:19:40,277 --> 00:19:42,987 I know. What's that all about? 366 00:19:43,195 --> 00:19:46,045 Put your dress back on. Straighten up before he gets home. 367 00:19:46,407 --> 00:19:48,157 JOHN: Hey, Suse, come on, open up. 368 00:19:48,242 --> 00:19:50,743 Look, if you've only got time for one, I suggest the dress. 369 00:19:50,827 --> 00:19:53,330 -Where's the bedroom? -You're in it. 370 00:19:53,538 --> 00:19:54,789 Get him out of here. 371 00:19:54,998 --> 00:19:56,582 Pass up a chance to have sex with him 372 00:19:56,666 --> 00:19:58,917 knowing he could find you here at any minute? 373 00:19:59,084 --> 00:20:00,628 FRASIER: Oh, God! 374 00:20:01,545 --> 00:20:03,505 SUSAN: Welcome home, baby! 375 00:20:03,672 --> 00:20:05,757 JOHN: It's great to be back! 376 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:09,802 What are you doing? 377 00:20:10,011 --> 00:20:12,305 SUSAN: Well, I'm just getting ready for you. 378 00:20:12,596 --> 00:20:16,099 Oh, I missed you. So do you want to? 379 00:20:16,308 --> 00:20:18,018 Sure, I do, but… 380 00:20:18,226 --> 00:20:20,811 You mean, normally? 381 00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:22,605 The super's not gonna barge in? 382 00:20:22,813 --> 00:20:25,232 You didn't dial 911 or anything like that? 383 00:20:25,441 --> 00:20:28,610 I've got everything I need right here in this room. 384 00:20:29,486 --> 00:20:30,695 JOHN: All right! 385 00:20:32,947 --> 00:20:36,200 -I'm just gonna pull down the shades. -SUSAN: Wait, wait! 386 00:20:37,785 --> 00:20:39,370 What the hell is this? 387 00:20:40,913 --> 00:20:44,040 How much did you spend on these? 388 00:20:44,248 --> 00:20:47,335 Oh, Johnny, can't we talk about that later? 389 00:20:48,461 --> 00:20:51,171 Hey, why don't you turn off the light. 390 00:20:55,425 --> 00:20:56,968 It's too dark. 391 00:20:57,135 --> 00:20:58,886 I wanna see you. 392 00:20:59,595 --> 00:21:02,348 Whatever you want, baby. 393 00:21:02,515 --> 00:21:04,517 Oh, this is gonna be great. 394 00:21:04,684 --> 00:21:08,770 I am gonna make love to you all night. 395 00:21:10,021 --> 00:21:13,024 JOHN: Oh, but first, I have a surprise for you. 396 00:21:13,232 --> 00:21:16,360 I wrote a poem for you while I was in prison. 397 00:21:18,070 --> 00:21:21,239 "I am a garden, dry and brown 398 00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:24,158 "You are the rain that tumbles down" 399 00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:25,702 "Susan" 400 00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:28,371 "I am a beggar who needs to eat" 401 00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:32,207 You are a sandwich thick with meat, Susan" 402 00:21:32,416 --> 00:21:34,209 [ALARM RINGING] 403 00:21:35,585 --> 00:21:37,253 Oh, my God! 404 00:21:37,461 --> 00:21:40,339 I knew you had something planned. You set the building on fire! 405 00:21:40,423 --> 00:21:42,174 No, I didn't. I swear! 406 00:21:42,383 --> 00:21:45,509 -Come on, let's get out of here! -But the firemen, they're on their way! 407 00:21:45,593 --> 00:21:47,303 JOHN: Come on! 408 00:22:02,817 --> 00:22:04,819 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 409 00:22:05,653 --> 00:22:08,294 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 410 00:22:08,378 --> 00:22:10,657 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 411 00:22:10,741 --> 00:22:12,408 Oh, my. 412 00:22:12,492 --> 00:22:15,243 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 413 00:22:15,327 --> 00:22:17,454 ♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 414 00:22:17,538 --> 00:22:19,790 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 415 00:22:19,874 --> 00:22:21,333 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 416 00:22:21,417 --> 00:22:24,794 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 417 00:22:26,713 --> 00:22:28,298 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 418 00:22:29,465 --> 00:22:32,097 Scrambled eggs all over my face. 419 00:22:32,181 --> 00:22:34,011 What is a boy to do? 420 00:22:36,263 --> 00:22:39,599 Frasier has left the building.