1 00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:11,066 (thunder crashing) 2 00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:17,071 (doorbell ringing) 3 00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:21,087 Oh, Niles, thank God you came quickly. 4 00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:22,589 I've been going mad. 5 00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:24,591 This better be a real emergency, Frasier. 6 00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:27,594 You pulled me away from the Gifted Infant'? Toy Expo. 7 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:29,596 Yes, yes, so you missed out on buying 8 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:30,585 a Tickle Me Tolstoy doll. 9 00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:33,600 Niles, my problem is more important than that. 10 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,101 You see, I've... 11 00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:37,103 Oh, dear God! 12 00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:38,605 Niles, I've committed a crime. 13 00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,106 Don't tell me... 14 00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:42,609 you forgot to send the Opera Board a thank you note 15 00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:43,598 for the Christmas brickle. 16 00:00:44,077 --> 00:00:46,613 By God, man, it's a real crime . 17 00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:48,415 Punishable by law! 18 00:00:48,415 --> 00:00:50,212 (thunder crashing) 19 00:00:51,651 --> 00:00:52,719 By law? 20 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:55,085 Of the United States of America. 21 00:00:55,255 --> 00:00:56,722 (thunder crashing) 22 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:00,548 Heavens, what have you done? 23 00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:02,262 I'll tell you. 24 00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:04,564 But before you judge me, Niles, please, 25 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:07,567 remember how much stress I've been under lately . 26 00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:09,269 Of course. 27 00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:11,271 Tell me everything. Leave nothing out. 28 00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:14,138 All right... It was a dark and stormy day... 29 00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:16,843 You can leave that out. 30 00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:18,845 All right. 31 00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:20,346 It was an average day, 32 00:01:20,346 --> 00:01:22,348 marred only by a persistent cough, 33 00:01:22,348 --> 00:01:26,352 caused by a barista's over-nutmegging my machiatto. 34 00:01:26,352 --> 00:01:27,341 Go ahead, Babette. 35 00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:28,354 What can I do for you? 36 00:01:28,354 --> 00:01:29,844 Well, Dr. Crane, 37 00:01:30,323 --> 00:01:33,781 for about a year now, I've been... stealing. 38 00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:36,696 I get these uncontrollable urges to take things. 39 00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:38,198 Such as? 40 00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:40,291 (coughs) 41 00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:41,234 All kinds of things. 42 00:01:41,234 --> 00:01:42,223 Magazines from stores, 43 00:01:42,535 --> 00:01:43,536 a friend's sunglasses. 44 00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:45,238 Things I don't even want. 45 00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:46,239 I see, um... 46 00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:47,240 (clears throat) 47 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,441 Go on. 48 00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:49,876 It's just so unlike me. 49 00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:51,377 I mean, my friends think I'm dull. 50 00:01:51,377 --> 00:01:53,880 They all say, "Babette, you're like an old shoe. " 51 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:55,381 But stealing is so exciting. 52 00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:57,884 It's really the only time I feel alive. 53 00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,386 Well, it sounds to me like you have a classic case 54 00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:01,375 of klepto--... 55 00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:02,889 (coughing) 56 00:02:02,889 --> 00:02:03,890 klepto--... 57 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:04,788 (coughing) 58 00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:06,159 Kleptomania. 59 00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:08,895 Hi, Babette. This is Roz. 60 00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:11,698 And if Dr. Crane weren't hacking up a hairball, 61 00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:13,199 I'm sure he would tell you 62 00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:15,190 that this thrill you get from stealing 63 00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:17,704 makes up for an emptiness in your life. 64 00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:20,573 That's the problem you really need to address. 65 00:02:20,573 --> 00:02:22,442 So, you should seek counseling 66 00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:24,307 or at least find a support group. 67 00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:26,212 Yes, and may I add... 68 00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:28,281 She's gone and we're out of time. Oh. 69 00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:29,771 Well, then, this is Dr. Frasier Crane 70 00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:32,274 saying "Good day, Seattle, and good mental health. " 71 00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:34,275 Are you okay? 72 00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:36,289 I haven't heard so much coughing 73 00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:38,691 since I was backstage at Reggae Sunsplash. 74 00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:40,260 Well... (clears throat)... I'm fine, Roz. 75 00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:41,261 Thank you, thank you so much. 76 00:02:41,261 --> 00:02:42,762 Your advice was spot on. 77 00:02:42,762 --> 00:02:44,264 It should be. 78 00:02:44,264 --> 00:02:45,765 I've heard you say the same stuff for ten years now. 79 00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:49,269 "Confront your emotions, " "communicate, " 80 00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:50,497 "seek counseling. " 81 00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:52,605 I didn't realize my advice had become so predictable. 82 00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:54,307 Well, it's not your fault 83 00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:56,298 everyone calls with the same dumb-ass problems. 84 00:02:57,610 --> 00:02:59,601 They're not the same problems. 85 00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:01,614 What about that caller last week-- 86 00:03:01,614 --> 00:03:03,616 the sleepwalking transvestite 87 00:03:03,616 --> 00:03:06,619 that kept breaking off his heels on sewer grates? 88 00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:07,620 I remember him. 89 00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:09,756 You told him to seek counseling. 90 00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:11,815 Yes, I also told him to wear flats. 91 00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:14,827 Oh, oh, did Maintenance remember 92 00:03:14,827 --> 00:03:16,329 to bring me that hammer I asked for? 93 00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:17,330 Oh, yeah, right here. 94 00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:18,831 What do you need it for? 95 00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:20,333 Some imbecile's been parking in my spot 96 00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:21,322 despite several strongly worded notes 97 00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:23,336 I have left on his windshield. 98 00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:25,338 The time has come for me to take matters into my own hands. 99 00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:26,828 NILES: My God, Frasier, so that's what you did. 100 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:28,274 In an uncontrollable rage 101 00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:30,643 over the commandeering of your parking space, 102 00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:31,644 you took hammer to car. 103 00:03:31,644 --> 00:03:33,635 You are a vandal. 104 00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:41,719 It was nothing like that. 105 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:45,725 My reserved sign was a-dangle. 106 00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,717 I used the hammer to tack it back up. 107 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,232 I'm sorry. 108 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,734 I didn't realize this spot was reserved. 109 00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:57,237 So all those notes that I left... 110 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,739 must have... 111 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:02,503 blown away. Hello. 112 00:04:02,775 --> 00:04:03,843 I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. 113 00:04:03,843 --> 00:04:04,832 Yes. 114 00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:06,346 So you know my show. 115 00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:07,335 It's on your sign. 116 00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:10,350 Willa Haver. 117 00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:11,851 I'm so sorry. 118 00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:13,353 My assigned spot is on the roof, and with the rain... 119 00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:14,843 Oh, no, no, it's perfectly understandable. 120 00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:18,255 And now that I know that this is your Audi, 121 00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:22,262 let me be the first to say, "Audi, neighbor. " 122 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,464 NILES: And that's when 123 00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:25,988 she took the hammer and put you out of your misery. 124 00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:29,335 That would have been preferable. 125 00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:31,337 You know, in the spirit of detente, 126 00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:34,340 I... I could, uh, buy you some coffee. 127 00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,843 Oh, well, that is so sweet of you, 128 00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:38,333 but I can't right now. 129 00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,647 Well, perhaps tomorrow. 130 00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:42,382 Uh, no, tomorrow's no good either. 131 00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:43,683 Next week, perhaps? 132 00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:45,685 Next week I'll be out of town. 133 00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:46,674 You know, I'm not sure 134 00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:48,688 if we're hav ing a devil of a time 135 00:04:48,688 --> 00:04:50,383 coordinating our schedules 136 00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:52,385 or if you're giving me a polite brush-off. 137 00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:54,422 (car alarm chirping) 138 00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:57,685 Okay. 139 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:01,697 Now I'm sure. 140 00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:10,410 FRASIER: My morning's travails aside, Niles, 141 00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:11,878 you'll be happy to know 142 00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:12,879 I didn't strike out with every woman 143 00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:14,369 I encountered today. 144 00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:15,381 Frasier... Hm? 145 00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:17,383 I heard the elevator and I thought, 146 00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:19,886 "I bet that's Frasier,"' and it is. 147 00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:20,887 How are you, Mrs. Magrini? 148 00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:22,889 Oh, just grand 149 00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:25,391 and how many times do I have to ask you to call me Opal? 150 00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:26,881 You make me feel like an old woman. 151 00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:28,461 Opal, then. 152 00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:29,762 Lovely to see you again. 153 00:05:29,762 --> 00:05:31,457 Some weather. 154 00:05:32,765 --> 00:05:34,467 Yes, it's just awful. 155 00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:37,470 It's blowing a gale. 156 00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:39,472 Yes, it's quite a storm. 157 00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:42,771 And colder than a well-digger's wallet. 158 00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:46,779 Yes, that's quite apt. 159 00:05:46,779 --> 00:05:49,782 I wonder if I could ask a favor. 160 00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:52,785 I know you're probably as busyas an ant farm, 161 00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:56,489 but do you think you could change a light bulb for me? 162 00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:58,124 The last time I tried, 163 00:05:58,124 --> 00:06:02,028 I fell off the ladder and I lay on my back like... 164 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,930 Like a helpless turtle? 165 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:08,560 No, like a half hour, till the ambulance came. 166 00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:14,107 Well, um, let me just get out of these wet shoes 167 00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,608 and I'll be right over. 168 00:06:15,608 --> 00:06:16,976 Oh, great. 169 00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:17,977 I'll make some tea and cookies. 170 00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:21,481 We always have such lively conversations. 171 00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:23,972 Yes, we're reviving a lost art. 172 00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:27,987 Hey, Fras. 173 00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:29,978 Some weather, huh? 174 00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:32,992 Yes, it's raining. 175 00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:35,483 I've just gone over that with Mrs. Magrini. 176 00:06:35,995 --> 00:06:37,485 Hey, come look at these pictures from our engagement party. 177 00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:41,000 Yeah, that camera you gave me is terrific. 178 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,503 What, is that the camera I gave you ten years ago? 179 00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:44,970 I can't believe 180 00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:45,960 you've never used it before. 181 00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:47,473 Shows you what you know. 182 00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:49,976 Turns out half the shots on this roll 183 00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:51,477 were taken the night you gave it to me. 184 00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:52,979 Niles, 185 00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,469 come and look at these old pictures. 186 00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:55,970 NILES: Yes, and then we all looked at the pictures. 187 00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:58,918 I remember it as if it were four hours ago. 188 00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:00,909 I am coming to my point. 189 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,410 Martin, look at you-- 190 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:05,425 sitting in your chair, all sour and grumpy. 191 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,427 You must be drunk in this picture, Niles. 192 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,195 You got your arm around a floor lamp. 193 00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:13,029 Oh, no, that's Mar is in her Easter hat. 194 00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:18,538 Why are you all hunched over in this one? 195 00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:21,541 You were looking at my bum, weren't you? 196 00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:22,542 Oh, heavens, no... 197 00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:23,531 It's all right, Niles. 198 00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:25,044 We're married now. 199 00:07:25,044 --> 00:07:26,534 All right, yes. 200 00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:30,015 I might once, in a moment of weakness, 201 00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:31,881 have permitted myself a fleeting glance. 202 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,609 Or twice. 203 00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,112 Many, many times. 204 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,525 It's all about the rear with you, isn't it? 205 00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:42,595 Darling, let's not... 206 00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:44,597 Seriously, what color are my eyes? 207 00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:46,599 You're looking at it again, aren't you? 208 00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:47,834 No, I... 209 00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:48,926 Boy, you look at these pictures 210 00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:50,870 . and you really see how far we've all come 211 00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:52,572 Oh, I'll say. 212 00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:56,576 You were such an old sourpuss, and you were the Crypt Keeper. 213 00:07:56,576 --> 00:07:57,577 And you, well... 214 00:07:57,577 --> 00:08:01,147 God, you haven'? changed a bit. 215 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,583 You're even wearing the same jacket 216 00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:05,084 that you wore in this picture. 217 00:08:05,084 --> 00:08:06,886 It's hardly the same. I've had it relined. 218 00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:08,621 I don't mind telling you , Niles, 219 00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:10,656 what happened next was particularly galling. 220 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,091 I remember exactly what happened, 221 00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:14,093 and I haven't got a clue what you're talking about. 222 00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:16,662 Our lives are so complete. 223 00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:17,497 We really are lucky. 224 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,965 FRASIER: Oh, please. 225 00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:21,667 That's not how it happened at all. 226 00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,903 Our lives are so complete. 227 00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:26,929 We really are lucky. 228 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:32,278 Well, come on, Niles. 229 00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:35,281 We should be heading off to the baby show. 230 00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:37,283 If we're lucky, we might get a lead on a nanny. 231 00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,285 Oh, well, there are ads in the back of that Seattle Weekly. 232 00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:41,287 RONEE: Just make sure you look in the right section. 233 00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:43,756 If she says that she's got her own toys 234 00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:46,247 and is willing to spank, she may not be a nanny. 235 00:08:46,759 --> 00:08:47,660 NILES: Don't tell me 236 00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:48,861 in your desperation over being 237 00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:50,260 the only Crane man not to find love, 238 00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:52,732 you picked up that paper and did the unthinkable. 239 00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:54,734 Tawny LaRue, I presume. 240 00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:57,737 FRASIER: I did no such thing, you nit. 241 00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:59,672 And I am telling this story. 242 00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:02,174 Very slowly. 243 00:09:02,174 --> 00:09:03,903 I'm beginning to think you didn't do anything. 244 00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:05,711 All right, I'm getting to it. 245 00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:08,714 As you recall, I promised to change my neighbor's light bulb. 246 00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:10,204 Oh! 247 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:12,218 Here we are. 248 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,220 I was just admiring your bust. 249 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,255 Thank you. 250 00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:18,958 Might look nice a little higher. 251 00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:22,662 It might look nice a lot higher, 252 00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,664 but heck, I'm 83. 253 00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:26,962 Anyway, I can' t thank you enough 254 00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,669 for coming to my rescue. 255 00:09:29,669 --> 00:09:31,671 Yes, it's lucky you ran into m in the hall. 256 00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:34,707 Oh, I knew that would be you coming out of the elevator. 257 00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:36,709 If there's one thing I can count on, 258 00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:39,211 it's old Frasier's routine, 259 00:09:39,211 --> 00:09:42,214 unchanging as Granddad's whiskers. 260 00:09:42,214 --> 00:09:44,216 There's old Frasier 261 00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:45,718 off to work. 262 00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:46,719 There's old Frasier coming home. 263 00:09:46,719 --> 00:09:48,721 There's old Frasier off to work. 264 00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:50,723 There's old Frasier... 265 00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:52,925 Yes, old Frasier gets the idea. 266 00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:55,758 That's why I gave you my spare key. 267 00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:57,785 I knew if there was ever an emergency, 268 00:09:58,297 --> 00:09:59,298 I could count on you. 269 00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:01,300 Oh... 270 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:02,802 we should have our tea. 271 00:10:02,802 --> 00:10:05,805 My date's picking me u p in 20 minutes. 272 00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:09,075 How marvelous. You're still dating. 273 00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:12,111 Well, I think an active social life keeps you young. 274 00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,671 So, what are you doing this evening? 275 00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:16,682 I thought I'd stay in with a good book. 276 00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:20,953 Ah, isn't that nice? 277 00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:23,723 How you're so cozy in your routine. 278 00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:27,126 You're like an old shoe, Frasier. 279 00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:29,362 That's when I snapped. 280 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:30,829 You didn't. 281 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,833 You bludgeoned her horribly with that bust! 282 00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:36,802 No, you insane twit! 283 00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:38,104 You're like an old shoe, Frasier. 284 00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:40,106 Now, come have some tea. 285 00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:41,801 FRASIER: I suddenly flashed on my caller Babette. 286 00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:43,097 Before I knew what I was doing, 287 00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:45,111 I impulsively pocketed 288 00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:46,812 something that belonged to her. 289 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:49,115 I stole, Niles. 290 00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:50,816 Like some craven thief. 291 00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,785 . And I've never felt more alive 292 00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:54,252 (thunder crashing) 293 00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:03,729 You can't imagine the thrill I felt 294 00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:05,665 as I sat there sipping her inferior tea 295 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,133 and eating her excellent cookies, 296 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:10,836 all the while... 297 00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:14,829 fingering the stolen object in my pocket. 298 00:11:16,909 --> 00:11:20,780 And then, how coolly I walked out, 299 00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,281 scot-free, 300 00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:25,284 the old bird none the wiser. 301 00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:27,420 What's in there? 302 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,922 Some sort of decorative medallion. 303 00:11:29,922 --> 00:11:31,924 Well, it's pretty clear what happened. 304 00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:34,415 The depressing series of events today 305 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:35,884 Ied you to conclude that you're in a rut. 306 00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,864 Your spontaneous transgression generated 307 00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:42,368 the excitement that you so desperately wanted. 308 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:45,360 Any Caribbean-trained psych student could tell me that. 309 00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:48,274 Well, if you didn't want my diagnosis, 310 00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:50,176 why did you call me here? 311 00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:51,844 I am plagued by guilt. 312 00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:53,145 I have to return this box before 313 00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:54,847 it's discovered missing. 314 00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:56,982 Why did you call me here? 315 00:11:56,982 --> 00:11:57,883 I need your help, Niles. 316 00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:58,884 I have her key. 317 00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:00,374 I know she's out. 318 00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:01,875 We can put this back and be done with it. 319 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,389 But I don't want to. 320 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,291 I have excitement in my life. 321 00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:06,826 Please! 322 00:12:06,826 --> 00:12:08,127 I can't trust myself to be alone. 323 00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:10,129 I am caught in the grip of this mania. 324 00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:11,831 Who knows what I might steal next? 325 00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:13,499 You took a little box. 326 00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:16,969 I hardly think you're gonna run off on a crime spree. 327 00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:17,958 Oh, really? 328 00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,061 Thief! 329 00:12:22,775 --> 00:12:24,076 That's right. 330 00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:27,068 I took it, and I liked it. 331 00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:29,782 Please. Please, Niles. 332 00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:30,783 I don't want to get involved. 333 00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:32,084 Fine! I'll do it myself. 334 00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:33,085 Here, hold this for me. What for? 335 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,787 Now your prints are on it, too. 336 00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:35,788 You have to help me. 337 00:12:35,788 --> 00:12:36,777 (grunts) 338 00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,935 Admit it, Niles. 339 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,771 It's intoxicating, isn't it? 340 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:55,541 Can't you feel a tingle running down your spine? 341 00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:57,042 In a minute it's going to be running 342 00:12:57,042 --> 00:13:00,045 down my inseam. Hurry up. 343 00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:02,548 I've become a danger junkie. 344 00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:06,051 A cunning cat burglar with nerves of steel. 345 00:13:06,051 --> 00:13:07,052 (rattling) 346 00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:08,041 (shrieks) 347 00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:11,045 Hide. Hide! Here, here. Take this box. 348 00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:12,046 No, no, you've got a pocket. 349 00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:13,547 Put it... 350 00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:16,428 All right, everybody. 351 00:13:16,428 --> 00:13:17,930 Put down your gifts. 352 00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:19,932 Give me your coats and I'll put them in the bedroom. 353 00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:20,933 (phone rings) 354 00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:21,934 Hello? 355 00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:23,435 Thank you. 356 00:13:23,435 --> 00:13:24,937 Okay, that was the doorman. 357 00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:26,438 Aunt Opal is on her way up. 358 00:13:26,438 --> 00:13:27,928 Everyone find a place to hide. 359 00:13:31,443 --> 00:13:32,933 All right, quiet, everybody. 360 00:13:33,445 --> 00:13:34,434 I hear them. 361 00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:40,553 ALL: Surprise! 362 00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:43,044 OPAL: Oh, my goodness! 363 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,591 Oh, you! Oh! 364 00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:48,082 Frasier? 365 00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:50,527 Who are you? 366 00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:52,998 I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, the next-door neighbor, 367 00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:54,500 and this is my brother Niles. 368 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,235 We just want to say Happy birthday, Opal. 369 00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:57,970 Thank you. 370 00:13:57,970 --> 00:13:58,938 Did someone invite you? 371 00:13:58,938 --> 00:14:00,940 Uh, well, news of this birthday 372 00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:02,237 has been just buzzing through the building. 373 00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:03,943 We wouldn't miss an opportunity 374 00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:04,944 to honor this wonderful lady. 375 00:14:04,944 --> 00:14:06,241 But how'd you get in here? 376 00:14:06,946 --> 00:14:07,947 We slipped in as the door was closing. 377 00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:09,448 I could swear... 378 00:14:09,448 --> 00:14:11,450 Stop grilling them, please, Roland. 379 00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:13,452 He thinks he has to grill everyone 380 00:14:13,452 --> 00:14:16,046 . just because he's a district attorney 381 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:20,926 Now, what would you like to drink? 382 00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:22,294 Champagne. 383 00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:24,964 Well, we really can't stay. 384 00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:26,298 Oh, you can stay a few minutes. 385 00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:27,967 You don't want to hurt my feelings. 386 00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:28,968 Let me take your coat. 387 00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:30,302 Oh, my coat, no, I'd really 388 00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:31,303 rather you... Uh... Okay. 389 00:14:31,303 --> 00:14:32,972 Oh, my God. 390 00:14:32,972 --> 00:14:34,039 What? What?! 391 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,075 You're Dr. Frasier Crane. 392 00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:38,077 Here, take this, Roland. 393 00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:40,079 I love your show. 394 00:14:40,079 --> 00:14:41,247 be Oh... It's going to 395 00:14:41,247 --> 00:14:43,916 so exciting to have a celebrity here 396 00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:46,919 when we take Aunt Opal'? picture with her medal. 397 00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:47,953 Medal? 398 00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:49,250 She won the bronze 399 00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:53,459 at the 1 936 Berlin Olympics. 400 00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,461 So what's it like being a huge radio star? 401 00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:56,962 Frasier... 402 00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:58,464 Yes, yes, in a minute, Niles. 403 00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:01,967 Actually, I don't really think of myself 404 00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:04,970 as a star, so much as a healer. 405 00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:05,959 The important thing is to listen. 406 00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:06,961 Frasier. 407 00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:08,474 Not now, Niles. 408 00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:09,975 Frasier, they're going to take 409 00:15:09,975 --> 00:15:11,477 her picture with her medal. 410 00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:13,479 Yes, I heard that. 411 00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:14,480 Oh, dear. 412 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,981 Uh, excuse me just a moment. 413 00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:17,983 You've got to get that medal out of your coat. 414 00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:19,184 Why don't you get it? 415 00:15:19,184 --> 00:15:20,519 I'm a celebrity. 416 00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:22,521 They're watching my every move. Go on. 417 00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:25,024 Aunt Opal, tell Dr. Crane the story 418 00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:28,027 about how you refused to shake Hitler's hand 419 00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:30,195 when he gave you that medal. 420 00:15:30,195 --> 00:15:33,790 It looked sweaty, that's all. 421 00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:04,129 Who are you? 422 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:06,398 It's just a dream. 423 00:16:06,398 --> 00:16:10,095 Then why aren't you Harry Truman? 424 00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:13,138 Where's my cake? 425 00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:14,640 I'm ready for the cake. 426 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,142 No, not until we take the family picture, Mother. 427 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:19,042 I got it. 428 00:16:19,278 --> 00:16:20,279 Then let's take the darned picture. 429 00:16:20,279 --> 00:16:21,268 Roland, get my medal down. 430 00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:22,269 Where is it? 431 00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:24,078 Same place it always is, 432 00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:28,287 unless it's grown legs like a tadpole and hopped away. 433 00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:30,222 We have got to get that medal up there. 434 00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:31,211 We? You're right. 435 00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:33,225 Bad plan. You've got to get it up there. 436 00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:35,127 All right, top shelf, right of the sconce. 437 00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:37,763 You know, before we take the picture, 438 00:16:37,763 --> 00:16:40,766 I have a little story I'd like to tell 439 00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:43,769 that just may rival that Hitler tale. 440 00:16:43,769 --> 00:16:44,770 (laughing) 441 00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:49,274 The place... was right here. 442 00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:53,142 The time was this afternoon. 443 00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,080 Opal had just set out 444 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:59,084 a lovely service of tea and a plate of sweets. 445 00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:04,790 I remember there were three cookies sitting on the plate 446 00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:07,884 and I reached for the left one. 447 00:17:08,293 --> 00:17:12,197 Not the center one, 448 00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:14,188 the left one, and... 449 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:18,203 Just at the same moment, 450 00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,205 Opal reached for the very same cookie. 451 00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:22,196 Oh, what did you say, Opal? 452 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:23,709 It was priceless. 453 00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,712 " . I said, 'you take it 454 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:28,202 Right off the top of her head. 455 00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:31,373 What are you doing? 456 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,654 I can tell from the panic in my brother's voice 457 00:17:35,654 --> 00:17:37,656 that he, he must have seen a spider. 458 00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:39,658 You see, he has a, a crippling fear 459 00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:42,161 of spiders and it sent him up the ladder. 460 00:17:42,161 --> 00:17:44,530 Yes. I hate spiders. 461 00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:45,394 I don't see a spider. 462 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:46,732 Come back down. 463 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,133 No! Why not? 464 00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:50,636 Because he also has a crippling fear of heights 465 00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:52,137 and this may be just the breakthrough 466 00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:53,627 we've been looking for. Higher, Niles. 467 00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:55,140 Conquer your fear. 468 00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:58,343 Please, everyone, 469 00:17:58,343 --> 00:18:01,180 I'm going to have to ask you to turn around, 470 00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:03,515 as his fear of crowds has set in. 471 00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:05,107 Crowds, too? 472 00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:06,473 Yes. You are looking at that rarest of beasts-- 473 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:07,786 the arachno-acro-agoraphobe. 474 00:18:07,786 --> 00:18:09,219 Please, avert your eyes. 475 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:10,744 . Oh. Oh 476 00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:13,459 This is the most difficult part of the process. 477 00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:15,256 I am using a technique known 478 00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:17,329 as behavioral exposure therapy. 479 00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:19,331 Climb higher, Niles. 480 00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:20,332 Ever higher. 481 00:18:20,332 --> 00:18:21,133 Conquer your fear. 482 00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:22,668 Wow. Frasier Crane in action. 483 00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:23,669 No, please. 484 00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:25,170 No peeking. 485 00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:26,660 You don't want to cause a setback. 486 00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:31,110 Everybody freeze! 487 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,101 This is the moment of truth. 488 00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:36,170 I haven't done this since my days in med school. 489 00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:44,690 Hurrah! 490 00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:46,692 He's done it! 491 00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:48,182 He's conquered all three! 492 00:18:50,395 --> 00:18:53,265 What are you doing? 493 00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:54,266 Well, you as an athlete 494 00:18:54,266 --> 00:18:55,756 should know the... the time-honored tradition 495 00:18:56,268 --> 00:18:57,758 of hoisting the victor on one's shoulders. 496 00:18:58,270 --> 00:19:00,139 They never did that to me. 497 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,208 Well, you finished third, didn't you? 498 00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:05,577 Now, if you'll excuse me, 499 00:19:05,577 --> 00:19:08,580 I've got to journal all this while it's still fresh. 500 00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:11,583 Good night, everyone. 501 00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:12,584 Oh. 502 00:19:12,584 --> 00:19:15,220 Good Lord, I should have dipped. 503 00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:16,221 go. Yes, there we 504 00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:17,210 Ooh! 505 00:19:17,589 --> 00:19:19,284 So sorry. 506 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:29,501 Oh, hey, Dad. 507 00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,170 I didn't know you guys were here. 508 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,159 Where's Ronee? 509 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:33,994 Oh, she's in bed waiting for me. 510 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,509 Hey, know what? 511 00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:39,011 She can't see a thing without her contacts. 512 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,445 Why don't we play a little joke on her? 513 00:19:40,445 --> 00:19:42,936 You tiptoe in... No, Dad, I'll pass. 514 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,519 Still looking at those old pictures, huh? 515 00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:48,854 Yeah. 516 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:50,378 It's funny, isn't it? 517 00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:51,645 What? 518 00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:54,293 How suddenly your whole life can change. 519 00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:57,696 p I never would have dreamed back then that I'd end u 520 00:19:57,696 --> 00:19:59,665 getting married again, at my age, 521 00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:03,302 and to someone so young and full of pep. 522 00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:05,470 I'm very happy for you and Ronee. 523 00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:08,273 That's the way it is. 524 00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:10,309 Just when you think that you're in a rut 525 00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:13,312 and nothing exciting will ever happen to you again... 526 00:20:13,312 --> 00:20:16,014 Pow. That's when it does. 527 00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:18,450 Maybe you're right. 528 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,350 I know I'm right. 529 00:20:23,288 --> 00:20:24,289 Good night, Fras. 530 00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,280 Good night, Dad. 531 00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:32,286 You know, you could put on my robe and a little bit 532 00:20:32,664 --> 00:20:34,655 of my Aqua Velva. Good night, Dad.