(nervous breathing)
Sorry.
I'm a... nervous flyer.
Yes, I see.
Oh, you're white as a sheet.
Actually, I'm always this pale.
My ex-wife used to say she could tell
when I was embarrassed because I'd turn off-white .
I can empathize.
Sometimes after a late night,
I've covered my undereye circles with Liquid Paper.
(chuckles)
So, are you traveling to Seattle
for business or pleasure?
Both, hopefully.
I'm relocating for work.
How about you?
I need to ask an old friend for a favor.
Hmm. It's a long trip just to ask for a favor.
It's a big favor.
Well, I hope your friend complies.
It'll take some work, but I'll get what I want .
Oh, dear.
You two look awfully pale.
Can I bring you something?
Not unless you have
any extra melanin lying around.
(laughs)
You should be a comedian.
I've thought about it.
(door opening)
Dad? Dad, Dad, what, are you hiding?
I heard the key in the door.
I thought Lilith might be with you.
What's she coming for, anyway?
Well, I don't really know.
She... she said she was flying across the country
to ask me about something that was important.
She's being very mysterious about it.
Hmm. (doorbell rings)
Is that her?
Well, no. No, Dad.
I'm not seeing her until tomorrow.
Well, let me know when she's coming, will you,
so I can come up with an excuse to clear out
because I'm not good at winging it.
Oh... Lilith.
. (chuckles) : Hi... uh..
Look who's here, Dad.
Hello, Martin.
Oh! Time to go practice my signature.
. Please, come on in, Lilith
Uh, so, uh, I didn't think I was going to be seeing you
until tomorrow
Yes, I know that was the plan, but I just had to stop by
on my way to the hotel.
What I'm here to talk to you about
is not something one just drops on another person.
Please.
(sighs): Frasier.
(clears throat)
Recently,
a subconscious yearning
has tunneled its way to the surface
and I now know what it is I need
in order to make my life complete.
Well, that's wonderful news.
How can I help?
You can give me your sperm
I beg your pardon?
I want to have another baby.
Well, you certainly don't need me for that.
Surely, someone in Boston must have sperm.
I came to you first
so that Frederick could have a full sibling.
So, just like that,
we're going to have another baby together?
. No, no, no, not just like that
I mapped out our dominant and recessive traits
on a genome square, applied Mendel's laws,
allowed for anomalies, and concluded
that you are the best biological choice.
I see.
Well, as enticed as I am by your honeyed words...
I'm going to need some kissin'
Frasier, don't misunderstand
I'm not proposing any change in our relationship.
Would we sleep together?
I thought we'd freeze your sperm.
Is that a yes or a no?
Natural fertilization isn't practical.
I'd have to fly to Seattle every time I ovulate.
Right, okay, so then your plan is
for me to visit some local doctor,
uh, freeze my essence and then bring it home with you.
Correct.
I'll take mine to go.
I... I don't know.
I'm going to have to think about it.
Yes, of course, absolutely.
Think about it, and you can give me your answer tomorrow.
Ok
You can come back from around the corner now, Martin.
MARTIN: Good night, Lilith.
Good night.
You were eavesdropping?
It was an accident, and I only heard the part
about her wanting to have another baby with you.
She completely threw me.
Well, I don't know why you're so surprised.
She's seen what the Crane genes can do
and she's coming back to the well.
How does one respond to something like that?
Well, I bet if you say no, she'll go to Niles.
Really, it's just so self-centered of her.
You know, she's got this all figured out for herself
without the slightest consideration for my life.
And Niles will say no for sure.
Which means only one thing:
she'll come to the source.
Me.
The fountainhead.
What?
Can you imagine?
Lilith's and my kid would be brothers
to you and Niles and Freddy.
What are you talking about?
And if you and Lilith got back together,
you'd be his stepfather and his brother,
and Niles would be your son... and his own uncle.
It's almost worth doing just so that I can tell the story.
Oh, hi, Niles.
Did Daphne and her mum get off okay?
Uh, yes, they picked up Roz and Alice an hour ago.
Although how they're going to get all the way to Canada
without killing each other, I don't know.
Why did they have to go so far?
Well, that was my idea.
I read that Canadian Fun Country's
one of the best amusement parks
in southeastern British Columbia.
Oh.
Well, I'm just saying
Daphne's mum should be careful, you know.
If you're here on a temporary visa,
sometimes people have a difficult time
getting back into the country.
That hadn't occurred to me, Frasier.
(clears throat)
Well, seeing as howyou're single,
I'd invite you to join me for dinner,
but I'm-I'm meeting with Lilith tonight
on a matter of some delicacy.
Uh, Dad told me.
Now listen, don't feel obligated
because she's buying you dinner.
Truth be told, Niles, I haven't ruled it out entirely.
It would be nice to have another child,
and Lilith is a wonderful mother.
It's just that, well...
is it right to create a human being with a woman
to whom you couldn't stand being married?
Well, I'm behind you, whatever decision you make--
the right one or the crazy one.
Well, thank you.
(both chuckling)
Excuse me. May I have an espresso, please?
And what have you got here?
Oh, some snapshots from last summer at the beach.
Daphne finally got them developed.
(laughing): Oh, look.
There's Dad eating that hot dog he dropped in the sand.
Yes.
And you in your linen beach ensemble.
Very nice, yes
Well, that's strange.
Daphne said I'd particularly like
the last picture on the roll, but what is it?
Well, it's hard to tell.
It's too dark and blurry.
Looks like the eye of Jupiter.
Or a slice of pepperoni.
Is it a flying saucer?
Yes, Niles, it's a flying saucer.
Mystery solved. Well done.
Thanks
Hey, where'd you get the nipple shot?
Good Lord!
You are to erase that from your mind!
Well, is it Daphne?
Nice.
You're not erasing!
Erase!
I need to stop again.
We just stopped.
I told you not to get that Big Gulp.
Punchb
Ow! Dammit!
Language.
Why does she keep doing that?
It's a game.
It hurts.
All right, Mum.
There's a gas station right there.
I really need to stop.
I can't get over. You'll have to wait.
But according to this,
my bladder is holding "thirsty"-two ounces of soda.
It's only 40 miles.
Punchbuggy red.
Oh, son of a...!
Language.
Alice, honey,
stop hitting Mrs. Moon.
She can't take the punchbuggy game.
Oh, really?
Punchbuggy white.
Ow! That was a Jeep.
I like playing with Jeeps.
And Fords.
Punchbuggy Ford.
All right, that's enough!
You stop it, or no one's going to Canadian Fun Country.
And this time I mean it.
(screams)
(others scream)
I'm sorry. I thought you were on the wrong side of the road.
I will never get used to the crazy way
you drive over here.
Mum, you have to stop doing that.
Daphne, you seem stressed.
Do you want me to drive for a while?
Maybe once we get out of Seattle.
Frasier, I don't want to rush you,
but the suspense is too much to bear.
Have you decided?
I'm thinking about the linguini.
I see.
It's "no" then, isn't it?
I'm sorry, Lilith.
This was a very difficult decision for me,
and I am touched and flattered that you came to me,
but I'm not sure I'd be doing it for the right reasons.
You understand, don't you?
Yes, I do.
And I appreciate your taking the time to think about it.
Well...
It's that kind of consideration
I was hoping to pass on to our second-born.
Oh, well.
So, the pasta's good here?
Oh, the best.
♪♪ (tune of "Ode To Joy"): ♪♪ My dad is the gweatest dad
♪♪ ♪♪ Because he cooks me cweam of wheat...
Lilith, what are you singing?
Was I singing?
You were singing "My Dad is the Gweatest Dad."
Oh, you mean that song Frederick wrote for you
when he was four?
That video is one of my prize possessions.
Of course I haven't looked at it in some time.
I remember the night we surprised you with it.
He crawled up in your lap and said,
"Why is Daddy cwying?"
I see what you're doing, you know.
What?
You are attempting to manipulate me
by invoking powerful, emotional memories.
I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth.
Are you ready to order?
Yes.
I'd like the bisketti with beatmalls.
Mmm, very good, miss
That's what our son used to say when he was three.
Excellent!
And I'll have the veal.
Bravo, sir.
Lilith,
. I'm afraid you're idealizing parenthood
Do you remember colic? Teething? Changing mountains of diapers?
Do you remember that time in the bath
when he tried to eat the bubbles?
We told him to stop,
but we kept laughing,
so he thought it was funny and kept doing it.
You know, I'd forgotten about that.
Oh, I wish we had that on video.
You can, Frasier.
We can have those days back again.
Please
I just need a couple of teaspoons.
Lilith!
Just think about what Frederick has meant
in our lives.
I think about it every day.
Frasier...
we're always seeking ways we can leave a legacy.
Well, forget my research and your work.
This is it.
What better gift can we bestow on the world
but another person as wonderful as Frederick?
Excuse me,
um... I've changed my mind.
, I've decided that I, too
will have the bisketti and beatmalls.
Thank you.
Gosh, that coffee smells so good
Mmm.
Lilith won't let me have any caffeine
until I've made my little donation.
Ah, yes.
So, have you heard from Daphne?
No, we keep missing each other.
I'm just glad I have our little pictorial memento
to keep me company.
I can't believe you're so taken
with that blurry overexposed photo of a...
Shh.
Of what you first mistook to be a flying saucer.
I just think it's sexy that she even did it.
Yeah.
Imagine it-- she saw
there was one picture left on the roll.
In a spontaneous moment of brazen exhibitionism,
she threw open her blouse
and just didn't even bother to adjust the f-stop.
(chuckles)
Yes, indeed. Oh.
I am married to one spicy meatball.
Good Lord.
Don't tell me you carry it around with you.
Well...
I didn't want the housekeeper to find it
and think we were pornographers.
WOMAN: Just fill out these forms
and I can show you to one of our donation suites
Thank you.
Will this be your first?
No, I've been doing this since I was 12.
You mean baby.
Uh, no, no. This is our second
We've got number four on the way.
Oh, and we're thrilled for you,
but perhaps we can chat some other time
when we're not trying to create life.
Sign and date. Right.
This process can be hard on a relationship,
but she'll relax and things will get better.
We're already divorced.
Good, 'cause she'll never change.
Up and at 'em.
Follow me, sir.
Just go ahead in and make yourself comfortable.
You'll find everything you need in the cabinet.
Thank you.
Uh, wait, Frasier.
It probably doesn't matter, but...
try to think positive thoughts.
Thanks for that.
I was going to think
about the plight of the American Indian.
I'm just saying we should put the welfare of the sample first.
Mm-hmm.
Yes?
And don't fall asleep afterwards.
I want to get these puppies on ice ASAP.
Good-bye now.
Just a hint.
Lilith!
If there is one thing I can do by myself,this is it.
Now, go away.
Right this way.
(phone ringing)
What?!
I just remembered a special method
which supposedly increases the likelihood
of having a boy. I see.
Is there something I can do to increase the likelihood
that we won't have a nettling control freak?
No, but perhaps you can use a method
which will give us a baby that can take other people's advice.
I would settle for a method
where it won't turn out to be a sarcastic prig!
Oh, just do it
Fine.
No, wait.
I don't want you to do it when you're mad
Why don't we just.
take a minute and sit down and breathe?
It's your dime.
Oh, dear God.
What if this child inherits all of our flaws
instead of our strengths?
We could create a real nightmare.
That's not going to happen.
It's going to be exactly the way
it was the first time.
Is that what's going on
Are we trying to create a baby
or just trying to recreate the past?
I mean, Frederick's almost grown now.
It's only natural to feel a sense of loss.
Frasier, don't be simplistic.
Well, Lilith, I-I know what you're going through.
You want to feel needed and loved
as you were when you were a new mother.
The past can be very seductive.
I mean, I've fallen into it, too
I'm trying to relive Freddy's childhood, but.
You can't use the past to fill what's missing in the present.
It's gone.
Frasier, I've done a lot of thinking
and this feels right to me
But it's not right for me.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
You all right?
fine. I'll be
If I can't make another little Frederick with you,
there's always cloning.
And you still don't know when I'm joking.
I... Well, I...
Lilith, what are you going to do now?
Well, I'm going to go home
and give Frederick a very big hug.
And maybe swab the inside of his cheek.
Oh, stop that.
Oh, you already ate.
I was going to take you to Bogart's.
Bogart's?
Oh, don't worry about that
I was just eating it because it was here.
I wasn't eating it to get full
Just give me two minutes.
(phone ringing)
Hello.
Oh, Niles, darling.
Daphne!
I thought I'd never reach you.
We were booted from the park and are coming home.
It seems someone put out a cigarette on a stuffed moose.
I didn't know it was stuffed
I was defending myself.
I love those pictures you left for me.
More specifically, the last one.
Something a little different, eh?
Indeed, it is.
I can't even believe you took it.
I didn't take it.
Your father did.
No, I don't think so.
I'm talking about the last picture on the roll.
The close-up.
Yeah.
Your father was trying to get a picture of Eddy,
but instead he got a picture of his own chest.
This is Dad's...
That's his nipple.
(shudders)
Can't wait to get to Bogart's.
I know just what I'm going to get--
the barbecued chicken breast
They have the juiciest one in town.
Or the lamb.
They serve an enormous rack.
That's great.
You might want to get an overcoat of Frasier's
out of there.
It's supposed to be pretty nippy tonight.
Oh, hi, Dad. Where you going? Hi
Oh, Niles is here.
We're just going out for a bite.
Do you want to join us?
Sure.
So, uh...
how's Lilith?
I just dropped her off at the airport.
She's disappointed, but she knows
that we're doing the right thing.
Well, for what it's worth, I think you are, too, son.
Oh, thanks, Dad.
. Just hope she finds what's missing in her life
Hey, Pasty
Oh, hello.
May I?
Yes, certainly.
What happened?
I thought you were relocating to Seattle.
Uh, it wasn't a fit.
I'm going back to Boston.
I don't know, call me neurotic.
I just can't work in a lab that's not immaculate.
You work in a lab?
Mmm, I'm a physicist.
Really?
My name's Lilith.
Ah, the demon goddess.
Are you like the, uh..
independent fireball that was your predecessor?
I make her look like a vacillating cream puff.
Albert
What happened with your friend?
Did you get your favor?
It's a long story.
Well, it's, uh...
it's a long flight.
♪♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-calling ♪ ♪
♪♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪♪
♪♪ Oh, my ♪♪
♪♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪♪
♪♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪♪
(laughs)
♪♪ But I don'’’t know what to do ♪♪
♪♪ With those tossed salad s and scrambled eggs ♪♪
♪♪ They'’’re calling again . ♪♪
Frasier has left the building.