We'll be right back with Julia Wilcox
and our new stock market update after this.
That's it?
That's your big introducti on for Julia?
What happened to the copy I wrote for you?
Come on, "Julia" does not rhyme with "moolah."
Well, they're spelled the same.
Oh, they are not. Stop it.
Isn't it enough that she's getting ten minutes of my show?
Hey, hey, we're lucky to have her.
Don't be surprised if she ends up
boosting your ratings a notch.
Yes, but at what cost?
The woman's credibility is questionable.
She's credible .
The woman was on CNBC.
She had a syndicated column.
You can't hold one mistake against her.
What'd she do?
She wrote a book called Day Trade Your Way Out of Debt.
Apparently, some people lost money.
I don't see you writing any books.
Now, listen, she's a little sensitive .
So, I don't want hear anyone talking about the book
how it ruined her career
that guy who killed himself in Pennsylva...
Hey, hey, hey!
There she is!
Our financial wizard.
This is Dr. Frasier Crane. Hello.
And his producer Roz Doyle. Hi. Nice to meet you.
So, this is my mike?
Yes, yes.
You know, I studied finance in college.
Hey, that's great.
Do you think you could get me some coffee, Rizzo?
It's Roz.
Super.
Two creams. Thanks.
So, um, do your intro, we'll go to a promo
then back to you.
Got it? Intro, promo, you.
So you don't want me to do the intro last?
Uh, no, because
you see, intro's short...
(chuckles): Oh, I get it.
Very good.
You got one past me.
Enjoy it, it's not going to happen again.
And these would be my phones.
Yes, yes, of course.
I must say that I enjoyed your work on CNBC.
I thought you were an insightful analyst.
And I don't believe that you were treated fairly.
Oh, thanks.
That makes everything all better.
Ten seconds.
Oh, thanks.
(coughs): You call this coffee?
Most of it.
(chuckles)
Roz.
Put that over there.
Hello, Seattle Welcome back.
If you've tuned in for mental health advice
with an erudite twist,
But now for something new,
as finances can be the cause
. of that old bugaboo-- stress. Here now..
Good afternoon, I'm Julia Wilcox.
Today's market swerved
like a nervous student driver
before finally winding up in a nice, safe neutral.
Are pharmaceutical stocks still worth prescribing?
Now this.
Excuse me.
I was supposed to introduce you.
You were cutting into my time.
Well, I was giving you
a hospitable segue.
You see, I thought that since you're new here
I could lend you my equity, if you will.
It was just a courtesy.
Some days on the market
it's black Friday, but today
with the Nasdaq slightly down
and the Dow slightly up, it was more like
plaid Monday.
Analysts spoke out of both sides...
Next time I'll get the coffee.
Julia's book.
Listen to this "Chapter Four
How to Sell Your House and Start a Dot-Com."
Hey, guys.
Oh, Roz, I can't believe you shelled out three dollars
to revel in someone else's misfortune.
I was curious.
Well, you can get the same thing on tape for $1.50.
Get this
it's read by Martha Stewart.
How's that for your double whammy?
(laughing)
We should just get rid of her.
I mean, if she were nice
it'd be one thing.
But she's just rude and arrogant.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, nobody's getting rid of anybody.
She just filed suit against CNBC for wrongful termination.
Legal wants us to treat her with kid gloves.
Truth be told...
I actually feel sorry for her.
She has suffered a very public fall.
She must be carrying all kinds of guilt
about the people who lost their savings following her advice.
You know, perhaps I shou ld have a talk with her.
I wondered how long it would take.
What?
For you to make your move.
I thought there were some sparks between you two.
What are you talking about?
Don't play innocent.
She is right up your alley.
Smart, tough... total bitch.
You can't wait
to break through that wall and rescue her.
Oh, Roz, you couldn't be more off the mark.
Typical man.
You always want to get in there and rescue us.
But the minute things get messy, you just can'’’t handle it
Ha!
Women want to make us think that they're tough.
And then all of a sudden, they get needy.
Men are like, "Come on, baby, you can lean on me.
Oops, got to go."
." Yeah, women are like, "Get away, get away. Don't leave me
Here's men: (deep groan)
Here's women: (helpless squeal)
(deep groaning) (squeals)
All right, stop it, both of you!
Hello, all.
Hello, Niles.
How's it going?
We're just discussing a new
rather unpleasant colleague of ours.
Be thankful that you're self-employed.
You don't have to deal with these headaches.
Oh, not so. I was hoping to come here
and complain about my office remodel.
I'm annexing the dermatologist's office next door.
And in a cheap irony, my skin is breaking out.
Oh, your spackle allergy again?
I'm covered with tiny bumps.
It's worse than the summer
we added the breakfast nook to the tree house.
Could I have my usual?
Thank you.
ROZ: There she is.
Don't come over, don't come over, don't come over.
Oh, look who's too good for us.
You know what?
I think I will go and offer her an olive branch.
(low groan) Oh, stop it.
(helpless squeal) Knock it off.
Hello, Julia.
Hello.
Listen, I, uh...
I'm sorry that the two of us got off
to a bit of a frosty start.
But I think that in time
we will have a very long and rewarding relationship.
Okay.
May I tell you a story?
(sighs)
Years ago, I lived in Boston.
I was in private practice then and life was very good.
And then my wife left me.
I ended up on a ledge, threatening to throw myself off
if she didn't return to me
Thank you.
Well...
this got on the news, of course.
And needless to say, after that
patients were a little hard to come by.
So...
just wanted you to know that I, too, have suffered
a very public setback.
Oh, I get it.
You're letting me know I'm not alone.
Exactly.
And now we can be friends.
. Well, if that's how you feel
Let's see, how do I feel?
Well, it's sort of like on your show
when you call people at home to give them advice...
Actually, I don't call them, they call me.
Exactly.
Well.
Good day, then.
Why would you let Niles
bring all his patients to your home?
It's only a couple more weeks
until his office is finished.
Well, I sure wouldn't want to have all those crazies over.
I mean, what if one of them starts screaming obscenities
or running through the house naked?
Mum already did that when England lost in the World Cup.
Hey. Hello, all. Hello.
How was the Wine Expo?
Horrible!
Frasier ran into a fan.
Ow, that smarts.
Yes, Dad.
You have been using that same old joke
for the last ten years.
So anyway, I ran into this fan...
Ouch. Are you okay?
So, this woman complimented me
on my so-called
chemistry with that harpy Julia.
Have you ever heard anything
more preposterous?
Good lord, the woman sneezed once and I said, "Bless you."
That has been the extent of our byplay.
You've been complaining about her so much lately
I'm beginning to wonder
if there's not something deeper there.
I will not even dignify that with a response.
Except to say that you couldn't be more wrong.
. I don't know, Frasier. She's certainly attractive
And she's intelligent, ambitious, tenacious...
Sounds like your perfect woman.
She is a cold, insufferable know-it-all.
And the list goes on and on.
All right, that's it.
No more talking about Julia.
Oh
so it's "Julia" now.
(teasingly): Oh...
It has always been Julia.
That is her name.
She does seem to have you disproportionately upset.
You haven't been so consumed with one subject
since Frasier Crane Day.
Listen, my outrage is completely merited.
That woman is deliberately trying
to undermine my show from within.
I am sorry to disappoint all of you
but I have absolutely no feelings for that woman
except contempt.
There he goes again.
You know what they say about people who protest too much?
I know what you used to say--
"They should all be teargassed."
I still think that, you know.
Ah, here you are.
Listen...
It's time the two of us had it out.
Ever since you arrived here
you have been nothing but condescending and dismissive.
Whatever.
There, you did it again.
You know what this is really about?
It's about you losing 15 minutes from your precious show.
What are you talking about? It's ten minutes.
Sorry. Starting Monday, I do the last 15 minutes of your show
with a half-hour recap on Fridays.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have places to be.
No, I will not excuse you.
I am reaching out to you here.
Yeah, will you cut that out?
It's like you're trying to make me your special project.
Why don't you just adopt a cat or something?
As your colleague
I do not deserve to be treated this way.
Oh, no, we are hardly colleagues.
I deliver the news and you're a..
Magic Eight Ball with a Harvard degree.
(gasps deeply)
I will not be belittled by a half-educated
money-grubbing parvenu!
As opposed to some foreign-speaking windbag!
That makes you an insecure fraud!
You are a pompous blowhard!
Harridan! Know-it-all!
Shrew! Snob!
Are you as turned on as I am?
What? No!
Did you just come on to me?!
What? No... No, I thought... I thought that...
How could you think I was turned on?
What, are you sick?!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, let's all calm down here
Are you crazy?
No, I apologize! I... I...
(disgusted groan)
Oh, hey, Dr. Crane. How...
They hate me, don't they
Can you blame them?
Because of you, they had to come in here
for this sexual harassment seminar.
(sighing): I know.
But I have apologized
till I'm blue in the face.
I know, but Legal wants us covered
in case Julia tries to come after us.
Maybe you've heard:
She loves suing people's asses off.
I'm going to miss saying "asses."
After today, I guess it's back to "patootie."
Thanks a lot, Doc.
Hi. Welcome.
Please take a workbook
Hey, Frasier. Mmm.
Thanks for ruining my weekend.
Oh, Roz...
Come on, you know it was just a mistake.
What do you think I am,
some sort of disgusting Lothario?
Hey! There's my man!
Welcome. Please take a workbook.
Got an old one.
Hey, I know you're down. Don't sweat it.
Rookie mistake.
By the way, the chick at the coffee table's got her high beams on.
(barks)
(clears throat)
KENNY: Okay, people, let's get this started.
Uh, first of all, I apologize
for bringing everyone in here today,
but to make it up to you,
everyone attending today will get a free mousepad.
How's that?
ROZ: It sucks.
All right, who said that?
I did.
Fair enough.
Now, I don't want to blame anyone...
(sneezing): Frasier!
...but Legal says that we have to do this,
so here's Van Andrews from "Harassment Solutions."
... Okay, guys
I'm Van, I'll be your facilitator
and if you could go ahead and just open up your workbooks,
we'll get started on building
a truly gender-neutral workplace, okay?
Now, who wants to meet my puppets?
(everyone groaning)
STEVE: Wow, this is great!
I like coming over to your house.
It's really nice.
Thanks.
since we're doing stuff at each other's houses now
Uh, thanks for the offer, Steve, but this isn't a social call
We're having our regular session.
I really want this to feel
just like the office.
Okay. Um..
Well, I've been having my dream again. Uh...
(knocking)
Uh, yes?
Sorry to interrupt, Dr. Crane
but I got to run these toilet fixtures
past you.
Your wife said you definitely
want to be consulted about that.
STEVE: I never pictured you
having a bathroom!
Um, it isn't a good time
If you...
I'm sorry, I didn't realize your session had begun.
Why don't you just wait in the living room?
Okay, but just so you know
the heated seat you want's on back order.
Again, I'm sorry, Niles, but while I have you here
do you want anything from the shops?
No. I'm good.
Okay, then I'm off.
Happy therapy.
(clears throat)
So, back to your dream.
Your wife seems nice.
She's foreign.
That's weird.
And then, I guess it shouldn't be.
I mean, it would only make sense
that you have a wife and a bathroom and...
and you probably have a bed and laundry
and that thing I can't talk about.
Refrigerator.
Right.
Okay, well, we're not really here to learn about my life,
we're here to talk about you, so... back to your dream.
Okay, um, well, I'm in this forest...
(phone rings)
Do you want to get that, or...?
Nope, nope, it's okay. The machine'll get it.
Uh, now, you remember, as we discussed
the forest could be a symbol of uncharted territory.
Um, could be...
DAPHNE (on machine): ♪♪ Nobody's home... ♪♪
NILES (on machine): ♪♪ Nobody's home... ♪♪
BOTH ("Beethoven'’’s Fifth"): ♪♪ Nobody's home, nobody's home, nobody's home ♪♪
♪♪ Nobody's home, nobody's home, nobody's home ♪♪
♪♪ We'll call you back, if you leave your number ♪ ♪
♪♪ After you hear the (beep). ♪♪
So, uh, next week at your place.
(weak laugh)
Okay, Bulldog, in this exercise,
we're going to pretend that you have an attraction to Roz.
Is that okay?
Well, Van, I feel a little uncomfortable
about violating her personal space
even for role-playing, but... okay.
Okay, Roz.
Bring it on.
Ok
Go.
Good morning, Roz.
You're looking professional today
Thank you, Bulldog.
You're looking professional today, also.
Why, thank you.
After work, would you care to join me for a coffee
or non-stimulating beverage?
Please note you retain the option to say no
Excellent, Bulldog. Roz?
Thank you, Bulldog, for you offer,
but I'm uncomfortable with it
as I would prefer to cut my own arm off and eat it.
Can I have a turn with her?
No, sorry, buddy.
She's not your property!
It's up to Van! I want a turn!
BULLDOG: Sit down, Noel
Oh, oh, what are you going to do, huh?
Oh, what are you going to do?
Guys, guys, let's keep our dialoguing constructive, okay?
I think we're done here.
Why don't you go ahead and..
Oh, great.
...have a seat, okay?
Um, I'd like to say something.
Okay, go ahead, Gil.
From the bottom of my heart,
I apologize for my wandering eye over the years.
Those whom I mentally undressed and...
you know who you are..
all I can say-- and it's a poor defense--
is that I was a product of the thoughtless machismo of my times.
Thank you, Gil.
But know this:
Gil isn't about to stop loving the ladies.
VAN: Uh, thank you, Gil
I think they like to be called women now.
Ha! Do they ever!
How much longer do we have to sit for this nonsense?!
Well, Frasier
since you're the one who brought us here today
maybe you'd like to take a turn in the warm seat, hmm?
Julia, would you be comfortable in helping Frasier
learn how he could have related to you
in a more office- appropriate manner?
Uh... Julia?
She's playing solitaire on her palm pilot, Van.
Oh, all right.
VAN: Okay..
in this "no-fault" rewind
let's find out how Frasier assaulted you.
I did not assault her!
I simply expressed unhappiness that
she was taking 15 minutes from my show.
She responded by belittling my profession.
And then he called me a couple of names
and asked if I was turned on.
VAN: Okay, gang
where did Frasier go wrong?
(murmuring, snapping fingers)
Uh, Bulldog.
People stopped saying "turned on" 20 years ago.
No, look, look!
I just misread her... her signals!
I-I thought that her hostility was displaced attraction.
No, it was just hostility.
Well, of course it was
That's all the re is to you.
Ever since you arrived at this station
we have reached out to you in friendship
and all we've gotten in return
is arrogance and unbridled rudeness!
It's not rudeness, it's indifference.
I'm sorry I'm not joining your bowling team
but this is just a pit stop for me.
I do not intend on spending the rest of my life
at a station that cuts out whenever the janitor vacuums!
Ooh.
No offense
None taken.
And I don't even know why we're here.
I'm not going to sue your stupid station.
I mean, how pathetic would that look?
How dare you.
At KACL, we are a family.
Every person in this room respects one another..
No, no, no, hold on a second, Doc.
I'll handle this.
You mentioned something about not suing us.
Would you put that in writing?
If it gets us out of here.
Sure. That should satisfy Legal.
(happy murmuring)
Okay, wait, wait.
This course isn't about Legal, okay?
It's about making respecting
each other's personhood fun
ROZ: Up yours!
Who said that?
ROZ: I did!
You know, you can act as tough as you want
but I see through you.
Really.
You're not in the big leagues anymore.
Blame it on the market
Blame it on bad luck.
But somewhere in the back of your head
is that nagging voice that keeps saying
maybe you weren't good enough.
And now that you are here,
you won't form relationships
You keep everybody at arm's length.
Anything to convince yourself
that this is just a stop along the way.
And above it all,
I think you're terrified that you're going to fail here, too
Then what do I know?
I'm just a magic eight ball with a Harvard...
and Oxford degree.
It's 45 past the hour
which means it's time once again for the woman who...
(clears throat)
. ...is known as Julia Wilcox
Thank you, Frasier.
Another up day for the markets.
But first, these words from Patriot Credit Consolidators.
How many times do I have to tell you
you need to get a comfortable chair in here.
My leg keeps falling asleep while I'm on the air.
Who doesn't?
Frasier...
perhaps if you're at Nervosa later,
I could join you for a cup of coffee?
Or a non-stimulating beverage?
Please note you retain the option to say no.
I appreciate that.
And, in time, I believe we will be able to establish a...
a collegial relationship.
However, I think we should both acknowledge
the feelings of hostility that remain between us...
Oh, just say no. Honestly, do you ever shut up?
Now, see here, I..
The rich got richer today on Wall Street.
Not news, ordinarily, but after their recent slide,
today's rally in large cap
does take on a certain "man bites dog" quality.
Speaking of dogs...
♪♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-calling ♪♪
♪♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪♪
Oh, my.
♪♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪♪
♪♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪♪
(laughs)
♪♪ But I don'’’t know what to do ♪♪
♪♪ With those tossed salad s and scrambled eggs ♪♪
♪♪ They'’’re calling again ♪♪
Frasier has left the building.