1
00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:11,578
Ow! All right!
All right, I'll talk!

2
00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:14,080
Just make
the pain stop!

3
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,081
Oh, shut up.

4
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:16,583
I'm just trying to get the blood flowing.

5
00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:17,584
More like make me
hemorrhage.

6
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:18,585
Don't tempt me.

7
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,021
Oh, God, you broke something!

8
00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:23,490
Too bad it wasn't your bloody pie hole.

9
00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:25,458
There, we're done, you big baby.

10
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,928
What? Already?

11
00:00:28,928 --> 00:00:31,431
Oh, that felt great. Oh!

12
00:00:31,431 --> 00:00:34,367
I feel like a new man.

13
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:35,435
I love your new table.

14
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:36,436
Oh, you're sweet.

15
00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:37,437
Can I make you
a sandwich?

16
00:00:37,437 --> 00:00:38,405
Oh, that'd be great.
Yeah.

17
00:00:38,938 --> 00:00:39,939
Oh, by the way, Daph,

18
00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:42,442
you know, they're showing the first ever episode

19
00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:43,443
of Rockford today.

20
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:44,944
If you're really serious

21
00:00:44,944 --> 00:00:45,945
about becoming
an American citizen

22
00:00:45,945 --> 00:00:47,447
maybe you ought
to watch it.

23
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:48,381
Ah...

24
00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:51,284
Well, now you've opened it.
That's mail theft.

25
00:00:51,284 --> 00:00:52,285
Nonsense.

26
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:53,753
What's going on?
FRASIER:
Nothing.

27
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:55,155
Just another piece
of Cam Winston's mail

28
00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:56,689
has found its way
into our box.

29
00:00:56,689 --> 00:00:58,124
It's been happening a lot since
we switched mailboxes.

30
00:00:58,458 --> 00:01:00,827
Even after I gave
the postman a stern lecture.

31
00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:03,029
Especially after.

32
00:01:04,764 --> 00:01:06,232
FRASIER:
Anyway, it was
an honest mistake.

33
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,635
Cam and I are on
all the same mailing lists

34
00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:10,136
and I'm sure mine is
in his box.

35
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:11,638
Besides,
it's nothing personal.

36
00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:13,139
Look, it's just
an announcement

37
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,408
for some place
called La Porte D'Argent.

38
00:01:15,608 --> 00:01:17,677
Probably just another
froufrou restaurant

39
00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:19,145
or froufrou clothing store.

40
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,648
No, no, no.
This is not froufrou, Dad,

41
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:24,651
as evidenced
by the manly scent of balsam.

42
00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:27,153
They obviously deal with a very upscale clientele.

43
00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:28,154
Hmm.

44
00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:30,156
Oh! La Porte D'Argent.

45
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:33,159
Someone at the racquet club
was talking about this.

46
00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:34,661
It's very, very exclusive.

47
00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:35,662
Yes?

48
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,063
That's all I know.

49
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:41,501
Some ill-mannered person
started up his blow dryer

50
00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:42,869
before I could hear any more.

51
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:43,736
Hello.

52
00:01:44,237 --> 00:01:45,238
NILES:
Oh, Daphne, Daphne,

53
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:46,773
did I get one of these
in the mail today?

54
00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:48,108
No, I don't think so.

55
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:50,777
Poor Niles

56
00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:52,078
What's this about?

57
00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:54,581
Oh, they're all worked up
over some smelly invitation

58
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:57,083
Frasier stole to some place
they never heard of.

59
00:01:57,083 --> 00:01:58,251
Oh.

60
00:01:58,251 --> 00:02:00,320
Yes, but that's what's
so intriguing, Dad.

61
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:01,821
That there exists
an exclusive place in Seattle

62
00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:03,089
that neither of us knows about.

63
00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:06,259
Could be an art gallery

64
00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:08,161
or-or a new haberdashery.

65
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:11,831
Or an Italian shoelace boutique.

66
00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:13,099
What's happening?

67
00:02:13,099 --> 00:02:14,367
It's a machine.
Oh.

68
00:02:14,367 --> 00:02:16,936
It's asking me to enter my six-digit access code.

69
00:02:17,437 --> 00:02:18,471
What'll I do?

70
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:21,040
Why don't you just punch in
whatever keys spell out

71
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,309
"snobby."

72
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:27,580
You know, it might
be worth a try.

73
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,318
Oh! Denied!

74
00:02:32,685 --> 00:02:35,255
Oh! The allure
of La Porte D'Argent

75
00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:37,257
has increased tenfold.

76
00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:38,725
All right,
here's our plan:

77
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:41,194
We'll go to
the university computer lab,

78
00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:42,195
bribe some hungry hacker

79
00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:44,697
and once he's tapped into their mainframe

80
00:02:44,697 --> 00:02:46,699
La Porte D'Argent will offer up

81
00:02:46,699 --> 00:02:50,537
her sweet secret
like a blushing bride on her wedding night.

82
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,872
Why don't you just
go down there

83
00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:54,774
and ask them
what they do?

84
00:02:57,377 --> 00:02:59,946
"B."
All right, Dad.
That's a plan

85
00:03:16,896 --> 00:03:17,463
Hello.

86
00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:20,466
Uh, is this La Porte D'Argent?

87
00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:21,467
Yes, it is.

88
00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:22,802
Ah, good.

89
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:25,138
Say, someone was asking me
earlier today

90
00:03:25,638 --> 00:03:27,140
about La Porte D'Argent

91
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:31,177
and I had a-a difficult time
characterizing it.

92
00:03:31,177 --> 00:03:33,513
Uh, what would you tell him?

93
00:03:33,746 --> 00:03:36,149
We try to discourage
word of mouth.

94
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:38,484
That's exactly what I said

95
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:41,988
So, oh, well,
I'm here to take
advantage of your offer.

96
00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:43,990
Sure. Can I have
your name, please?

97
00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:44,991
Yes.
Frasier Crane

98
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:47,994
(keyboard keys clacking)

99
00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:49,495
I'm not finding you.

100
00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:51,998


Try Dr. Frasier Crane

101
00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:55,835
Perhaps you've heard
my popular radio show.

102
00:03:56,135 --> 00:03:58,605
I'm not really a radio person.

103
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:02,175
I'm sorry,

104
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:03,676
You're not on the list.

105
00:04:03,676 --> 00:04:04,544
I can't let you in.

106
00:04:04,844 --> 00:04:06,379
But I have an invitation.

107
00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:07,680
Yes, but you're not on the list.

108
00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:09,682
Yes, but I do have an invitation.

109
00:04:09,682 --> 00:04:10,683
But you aren't
on the list.

110
00:04:11,117 --> 00:04:12,151
Yes, well,
if I were on the list

111
00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:13,686
then I wouldn't need
an invitation, would I?

112
00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:15,188
I would just say,
"I'm on the list."

113
00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:17,023
Therefore, the invitation
supersedes the list.

114
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:20,260
No, invitations are given out
only to those on the list.

115
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:21,527
Aha. But you
do concede

116
00:04:21,527 --> 00:04:23,363
that I have a
valid invitation?

117
00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:25,031
Yes.

118
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,699
Then it naturally follows
that I would be on the list.

119
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:28,501
But you're not.

120
00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:30,770
Then how did I get
the invitation?

121
00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:33,039
I really don't know.
You could have stolen it.

122
00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:37,343
Are you accusing me
of deception?

123
00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:38,678
Cam! Cam Winston!

124
00:04:38,978 --> 00:04:40,513
(chuckling):
There you are.

125
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,784
(deep voice):
Hello, Frasier

126
00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:46,719
FRASIER: You know, while
I was waiting for you

127
00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:49,222
I decided to test
the mettle of this young man.

128
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:51,224
I'm pleased to report
that he follows the rules

129
00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:52,725
of La Porte D'Argent
to the letter.

130
00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:55,495
(both laugh)

131
00:04:55,728 --> 00:04:56,696
Anyway

132
00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,564
I am a guest
of Mr. Cam Winston's here.

133
00:04:58,564 --> 00:05:00,066
Uh, he told me
to meet him here.

134
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:02,101
Gave me the invitation,
and here I am.

135
00:05:02,101 --> 00:05:03,603
Yes, I'm Cam Winston, and he's my guest

136
00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:05,071
and I asked him
to meet me here.

137
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:07,073
Oh!

138
00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:10,410
Here you are, Mr. Winston.

139
00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:12,645
Welcome to La Porte D'Argent.

140
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,847
Ah, thank you.
I hope you both enjoy
your stay.

141
00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:16,649
Take a moment
to look over our services

142
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:18,651
and I'll be back
in just a moment.

143
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:26,492
Niles, it's a day spa!

144
00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:29,996
(deep voice):
Good gravy,
this is fantastic.

145
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,932
Would you stop
talking like that?

146
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:34,767
It's the worst impersonation of Cam Winston

147
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:35,835
I've ever heard.

148
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:36,836
You've heard another one?

149
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,104
Of course not.

150
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,239
Then it's the best.

151
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:43,476
Now you're stuck
talking like that all day.

152
00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:44,844
Here are your keys, gentlemen.

153
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,846
Your aestheticians
will be with you shortly.

154
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,348
 you.
(clears throat)
Thank you.

155
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,349
(normal voice):
Thank you.

156
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:50,817
Oh, good, I've been waiting for that all morning.

157
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,924
Oh, Niles...

158
00:05:57,924 --> 00:06:00,226
the air vetting massage
sounds splendid.

159
00:06:00,226 --> 00:06:02,161
"Two therapists at once

160
00:06:02,161 --> 00:06:03,496
using hot stones"

161
00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:06,332
"and a blend of essential oils

162
00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:10,169
personally created
for your dosha."

163
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,473
I think I'll have
the aroma therapy Swedish.

164
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:14,540
Oh, Niles.

165
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,009
Look at this bounty.

166
00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:20,546
Take a risk. Be a man.

167
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,850
The "Chardonnay Rose Hips
Salt Glow"?

168
00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:25,551
Now, that's more like it

169
00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:29,822
Oh, lovely

170
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:31,324
Right this way.

171
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:32,792
Thank you.
Frasier, Frasier,

172
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:36,162
river rocks and a stalk of
wheat. Ooh.

173
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:37,163
Ooh.

174
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:44,704
(water burbling,
new age music playing)

175
00:06:44,704 --> 00:06:46,706
I knew it was going
to be good,

176
00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:49,509
but I had no idea
it would be this good.

177
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:52,812
I feel like I've been
rubbed by angels.

178
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:54,313
Niles, I just wish you had tried

179
00:06:54,313 --> 00:06:56,315
the vasotocin aqua therapy treatment.

180
00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:59,318
I feel as if I've had
a rebirthing experience.

181
00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:01,087
I've never felt better in my life.

182
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:05,358
I'm so polished,
my entire body is squeaking.

183
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:06,359
(laughs)

184
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,360
Ah, hello.

185
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:08,361
How was everything?

186
00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:09,362
Oh...
Heaven.

187
00:07:09,862 --> 00:07:10,696
Nirvana.

188
00:07:10,696 --> 00:07:12,031
I'm so glad.
189
00:07:12,031 --> 00:07:14,333
Now this is a breakdown of your services.

189
00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:15,201
Ah.

190
00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:16,702
(coughs)

191
00:07:16,702 --> 00:07:18,704
Oh.

192
00:07:18,704 --> 00:07:20,206
Nirvana ain't cheap.

193
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:21,507
Well...

194
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:24,610
Well, it's worth it,
I suppose.

195
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:25,878
What do you say we make this

196
00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:26,879
a standing
appointment, Niles?

197
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:28,314
I think we owe it
to ourselves.
Yes.

198
00:07:28,314 --> 00:07:29,782
I'd be happy
to set that up

199
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,217
Ah!
Now, I've also put together

200
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:33,586
a personal La Porte D'Argent product system

201
00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:35,388
for each of you

202
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:38,391
based on the
recommendations of your aestheticians.

203
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,893
Oh, Niles,
this smells great.

204
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:42,895
Try that.

205
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:45,398
The mid-afternoon,
antistress spritz.

206
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:46,899
Mm-hmm.

207
00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:51,404
I've never even heard
of "eyelash conditioner."

208
00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:52,405
Ah.

209
00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:55,908
Hence the brittle lashes.

210
00:07:58,911 --> 00:08:02,348
Hey, isn't that
Senator Ogden?

211
00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:04,283
It is.

212
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:07,086
Oh, Niles, this just gets
better and better.

213
00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:09,088
Balanced skin
and social advancement

214
00:08:09,088 --> 00:08:10,890
all in one setting.
I'm going to go say hello.

215
00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:15,361
I'm sorry.

216
00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:18,798
That area is restricted
to our Gold Level members.

217
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:22,435
You have a gold level?

218
00:08:22,935 --> 00:08:23,803
How do you get in?

219
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:26,005
You'd have to
be on the list.

220
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:27,640
But we are on the list.

221
00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:29,809
The Gold List.

222
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:31,143
FRASIER:
This is absurd!

223
00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:33,613
I'm a member of every exclusive club
in this entire town.

224
00:08:33,613 --> 00:08:36,115
You must have a reciprocal
membership with one of them.

225
00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:37,450
I'm sorry.

226
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:40,286
But you're more than welcome
to enjoy the many amenities

227
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:42,054
of the Silver Level.

228
00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:47,226
And just how are we
supposed to enjoy this?!

229
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,632
And this isn't working!

230
00:08:59,338 --> 00:09:03,409
(gunfire)

231
00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:05,311
Well, technically,
he's not Maverick in this-- he's Rockford.

232
00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:08,648
Even though we all know
he's secretly Maverick.

233
00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:10,583
I can see why
you like this show.

234
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:11,584
Yeah.

235
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:13,085
What's not to like?

236
00:09:13,085 --> 00:09:16,556
Solving crimes,
pretty girls, car chases.

237
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:17,890
Leisure suits.

238
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:19,625
Yeah!

239
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:24,497
Rockford's dad
reminds me of you.

240
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:26,432
What are you talking about?

241
00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:27,900
Rockford's dad.

242
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,736
You're just like him:
cranky but lovable.

243
00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:32,104
The hell I am.

244
00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:34,006
I'm like Rockford.

245
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,241
How do you get that?

246
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:36,576
Well, come on.

247
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,077
He solves crimes,
I solved crimes.

248
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,580
We're both in tune
with the beat of the street.

249
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,582
He's the kind of guy
that men want to be

250
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:44,083
and women want to be with.

251
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,085
When this show first came out,

252
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:48,087
everybody used to say
I was like Rockford.

253
00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:53,059
I'm sorry, I don't see it.

254
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:55,027
You still remind me of his dad.

255
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,997
Rocky? But he's old.

256
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,868
Oh, I see.

257
00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:05,271
I didn't mean that.

258
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,740
I just meant
there's something about him

259
00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:08,708
that reminds me of you.

260
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:10,610
Yeah, his oldness?

261
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,911
Oh, stop it.

262
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:14,480
If you want to be Rockford,
you can be Rockford.

263
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:15,414
I don't care.
Fine.

264
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,217
Then let's just watch it.

265
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,924
I don't want to
watch this anymore

266
00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:29,261
Congratulations-- you've ruined Rockford for me.

267
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,631
I had a nagging feeling
the whole time

268
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,567
they were holding something back
on purpose.

269
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:38,471
"Blended for your dosha,"
indeed!

270
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:42,274
They wouldn't know my dosha
if they fell over it!

271
00:10:42,541 --> 00:10:45,044
So what kind of a hoity-toity
place did it end up being?

272
00:10:45,044 --> 00:10:46,979
It was a hellhole!

273
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:49,482
They have the nerve
to call it a day spa

274
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,984
when it's nothing more
than a-a mere front

275
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:53,486
for a bona fide luxury spa

276
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:56,989
which taunts those kept at bay
outside its golden door.

277
00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:58,991
If you didn't go in,
how do you know it's better?

278
00:10:58,991 --> 00:10:59,992
FRASIER:
It had to be.

279
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,494
The door was gold.

280
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,995
Ours was only silver.

281
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,431
Gold is better than silver.

282
00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:08,668
Stupid silver.

283
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:12,471
Well, you'll always be
in my exclusive club, honey.

284
00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:13,839
Oh, thanks.

285
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,875
And that's all I need.

286
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:18,844
There must be somebody
who can get us in.

287
00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:20,846
Let's go comb our Rolodexes.

288
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:22,181
Yes.

289
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:23,516
There has to be a way

290
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,018
out of the slum
they call the Silver Room.

291
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:30,056
Why do I keep squeaking?!

292
00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:32,491
Hey, Frasier.

293
00:11:32,491 --> 00:11:33,559
Oh.

294
00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:35,061
Wait till you see this.

295
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:36,529
(laughing):
It is so cool.

296
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:37,530
Really?

297
00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:40,066
Well, I could use something to balm my wounds.

298
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:40,966
(chuckles)

299
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:42,835
Painful as it is,
I've come to accept

300
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,205
that I shall never pass
through that spa's gold door

301
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,040
Anyway, I was filing
your new head shot...

302
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,542
Yes, mm-hmm?

303
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,043
...and I started looking
through your old ones.

304
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,045
Went back to when
you first started.

305
00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:54,547
Mm-hmm

306
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,549
(chuckling)

307
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,486
(continues chuckling)

308
00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:02,388
Whoo!

309
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,223
What am I lookingat?

310
00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:07,393
Oh, it's like an animation
of your hairline receding.

311
00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:08,728
Isn't that great?

312
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,262
(laughing)

313
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:12,231
Okay, right now,
here's the good part.

314
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:13,566
Uh-huh.

315
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:15,301
It's growing back!
Ha.

316
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:16,235
Receding.

317
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:17,737
Yes, yes.

318
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:18,738
s.
Growing back.
Yes, yes, ye

319
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,740
All right, Roz, that's enough, all right!

320
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,741
Don't be so sensitive.
(groans)

321
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:22,742
Hi.
Hi.

322
00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:24,076
Oh, Niles, no good news,

323
00:12:24,343 --> 00:12:24,910
I suppose?

324
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,345
I've had no luck
getting us

325
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,114
into the gold level.

326
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:29,482
Are you guys really
this bent out of shape

327
00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:30,449
about that gold spa?

328
00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:31,951
Yes.

329
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:33,753
Why can't you be happy
with the silver one?

330
00:12:34,019 --> 00:12:34,920
'Cause gold is better.

331
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:37,223
Bull. The only reason
why you want to go there

332
00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:38,524
is because you can't.

333
00:12:38,724 --> 00:12:41,193
We saw a senator
going in.

334
00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:42,595
Asenator.

335
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,597
We elected him--
he works for us.

336
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:48,100
How is it fair
that our employee is admitted

337
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:52,104
while we are shunted off to
the icy depths of silver level?

338
00:12:54,573 --> 00:12:56,575
It's a spa.

339
00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:58,511
How much better could it be?

340
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:01,413
What, are they going to carry
you around like a sultan?

341
00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:03,415
You going to be massaged
by supermodels?

342
00:13:03,415 --> 00:13:05,918
And then, what if you do
get through the gold door?

343
00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:07,286
What next, the diamond door?

344
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,121
And after that,
a titanium door.

345
00:13:09,688 --> 00:13:11,690
And after that, a plutonium door.

346
00:13:11,690 --> 00:13:12,625
That's ridiculous.

347
00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:14,126
Plutonium's radioactive.

348
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:17,129
No one's going to make a door out of it.

349
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:21,934
Although Roz does make
a point, Niles.

350
00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:24,303
What kind of crazy fantasy
are we chasing?

351
00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:27,673
(sighs)

352
00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:29,542
See? I'm right.
Hmm?

353
00:13:30,042 --> 00:13:31,510
sorry.
Oh, I'm-I'm

354
00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:35,414
I was just imagining supermodels
with that crook Senator Ogden.

355
00:13:35,781 --> 00:13:37,349
It was Senator Ogden?

356
00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,151
I know him.

357
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:40,986
You do?

358
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:42,588
ROZ:
Yeah.

359
00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:43,823
He really owes me one, too.

360
00:13:44,356 --> 00:13:45,324
Want me to give him a call?

361
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:46,859
Would you?
Absolutely!

362
00:13:47,359 --> 00:13:48,694
How do you know
Senator Ogden?

363
00:13:48,694 --> 00:13:51,030
Well... I knew him
a few years ago

364
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:53,032
when his marriage
was on the rocks.

365
00:13:53,532 --> 00:13:54,967
We kept it very hush-hush.

366
00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:58,904
Thank God I knew CPR.

367
00:14:01,874 --> 00:14:03,409
Rockford is on.

368
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,245
Not interested.

369
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,581
Oh, come on,
it looks like a good one.

370
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:09,582
Tom Selleck's in it.

371
00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:11,550
Oh, those are good.

372
00:14:11,984 --> 00:14:14,820
Not that I care.

373
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:18,090
You know, I caught
a few episodes at home,

374
00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:20,559
and I see the resemblance
between you

375
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:24,530
and a young Jim Rockford.

376
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,498
No, you don't.

377
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,767
Yes, I do.

378
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:31,537
No one gives him credit
when he has a good idea.

379
00:14:31,937 --> 00:14:33,873
He likes to drive
a little too fast.

380
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:35,140
He's got my chin.

381
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:37,877
And he knows
how to work the system,

382
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:38,811
and the babes love him.

383
00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:40,679
Yes, they do.

384
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:42,081
(chuckling)

385
00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:43,916
So what do you say?

386
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:47,286
t?
Oh, okay, why no

387
00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:53,225
od.
Ah, this is go

388
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:56,695
Sorry I got so worked up.

389
00:14:56,695 --> 00:14:59,632
You've got principles,
like Rockford.

390
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,902
Okay, let's not lay it on too thick.

391
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,004
Oh, look at that.

392
00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:06,805
Malibu, California

393
00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:09,308
FYI, those mountains you
see in the background

394
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,810
are the same ones you
see at the beginning of MASH.

395
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:14,280
Oh, I love MASH.

396
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,749
Whenever I watch it,
I think of you

397
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:19,752
serving in Korea
all those years ago.

398
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,587
Just like Colonel Potter.

399
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,859
That's it. Go home.

400
00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:28,127
Why?

401
00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:31,430
Colonel Potter was old
when he did Dragnet!

402
00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:34,900
Colonel Potter--
that funny young doctor

403
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:38,203
who used to mix martinis
in his tent.

404
00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:39,972
Oh, you're thinking of Hawkeye

405
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:41,974
Yes, that's who I meant.

406
00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:49,848
Okay.

407
00:15:58,757 --> 00:16:00,759
(birds chirping)

408
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:04,196
I've taken you to
the relaxation grotto.

409
00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:05,664
We'll just let the wrap

410
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:08,167
and your orange-honey butter mask soothe you

411
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:10,669
while you listen to the healing sounds

412
00:16:10,669 --> 00:16:12,504
of the Javanese
rain forest, okay?

413
00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:14,336
(squeaky voice):
Okay.

414
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:26,652
Oh, excuse me.

415
00:16:29,521 --> 00:16:30,789
Frasier?
Hm?

416
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,024
Frasier, is that you?

417
00:16:32,024 --> 00:16:33,325
Niles.
Hi.

418
00:16:33,592 --> 00:16:35,661
I just had a...
a color therapy treatment.

419
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,663
My eyes haven't readjusted yet

420
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,932
Uh, they sent me
in here to relax.

421
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:42,735
I'm letting
my orange-honey butter mask set.

422
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:43,669
Oh.

423
00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:45,637
(sighs)

424
00:16:45,637 --> 00:16:48,640
Roz was so wrong

425
00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:50,976
(sighs):
  Ah.

426
00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:52,311
Completely wrong.

427
00:16:52,311 --> 00:16:54,313
(chuckling)

428
00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:56,815
Oh. Yeah, my eyes are better.

429
00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:58,317
Hmm.

430
00:16:58,317 --> 00:17:00,819
Oh, Niles.

431
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,188
You should see this place.

432
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:05,524
Be my eyes, Frasier.

433
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:13,332
Well... it's just paradise

434
00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:15,334
(chuckles)

435
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:17,336
From the rare, exotic orchids...

436
00:17:17,836 --> 00:17:19,838
the trompe l'oeil sky...

437
00:17:20,339 --> 00:17:24,843
the perfectly bubbled stream
to the...

438
00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:28,247
To the what?

439
00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:33,852
There's a platinum door.

440
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:37,856
Platinum?

441
00:17:38,357 --> 00:17:39,324
Are you sure?

442
00:17:39,324 --> 00:17:40,759
Yes.

443
00:17:40,759 --> 00:17:41,760
Is it guarded?

444
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,696
No! Just brazenly
standing there.

445
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,099
Then rip the cucumbers
from my eyes, and let's go!

446
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:48,567
Right.

447
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,135
(grunting)

448
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:51,136
Niles!

449
00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:52,638
What?

450
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:54,106
What are we doing?
Oh!

451
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,041
This is exactly what Roz said.

452
00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:58,477
No, no. Roz said
"diamond door."

453
00:17:58,477 --> 00:18:00,479
Niles, this is heaven.

454
00:18:00,979 --> 00:18:02,281
Right here and now

455
00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:04,083
Why do we have to think about someplace else?

456
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,584
This is only heaven

457
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:07,586
for the people who can't get
into the real heaven--

458
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:09,088
the platinum heaven.

459
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:11,090
Niles, why can'’t we be happy?

460
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,592
Why must we allow the-
the thought of something

461
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:16,595
that at this point can only be incrementally better,

462
00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:17,930
ruin what is here and now?

463
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,264
(gasping):
I don't know.

464
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,600
Let's figure it out...
on the other side.

465
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:26,538
No.

466
00:18:26,538 --> 00:18:28,440
I am through chasing
the eternal carrot.

467
00:18:29,007 --> 00:18:29,975
Whatever is behind that door

468
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:32,277
shall remain behind that door
unseen.

469
00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:34,613
Stay if you want.

470
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:37,616
I have to know!

471
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:43,122
Oh, for God's sake,
you can't even walk, you ninny!

472
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,124
All right, all right,
I will go.

473
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,125
Just to take a peek.

474
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,493
MAN:
I'm sorry, sir.

475
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:49,294
You're not allowed
through there.

476
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,263
Please remain
in the relaxation grotto.

477
00:18:56,668 --> 00:18:59,171
"Please remain...

478
00:18:59,171 --> 00:19:02,608
in the relaxation grotto"?

479
00:19:04,343 --> 00:19:07,980
Have crueler words
ever been spoken?

480
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:10,382
Now, that's it--
I am determined

481
00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:12,885
to see where they think
I don't belong.

482
00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:14,887
Take me with you!

483
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:28,534
(gasps):
 Niles...

484
00:19:28,534 --> 00:19:31,036


healing warmth and light!

485
00:19:31,036 --> 00:19:34,039
It must be a
magnificent solarium!

486
00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:36,942
Good-bye,
sweet and edible facials.

487
00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:41,680
Hello, radiant,
life-giving sun!

488
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:44,983
It's beautiful! It's beautiful!

489
00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:47,853
Yes! This is where we belong!

490
00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:58,597
Do you smell garbage?

491
00:19:58,597 --> 00:20:01,099
Oh, dear, Niles.

492
00:20:01,099 --> 00:20:02,968
I don't think
this is part of the spa!

493
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:06,872
Hello!

494
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:11,877
Hello, anyone
in the relaxation grotto!

495
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:12,878
Frasier?

496
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:13,879
Hmm?

497
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:15,380
Look at all those bees

498
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,883
Bees?

499
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:20,686
Niles! Our sweet
and edible facials!

500
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,387
Run!

501
00:20:34,366 --> 00:20:36,368
♪♪ Hey, baby,
I hear the blues a-calling ♪
♪

502
00:20:36,368 --> 00:20:38,770
♪♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪♪

503
00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:40,272
♪♪ Mercy ♪♪

504
00:20:40,772 --> 00:20:42,774
♪♪ And maybe I seem
a bit confused ♪♪

505
00:20:42,774 --> 00:20:45,777
♪♪ Yeah, maybe,
but I got you pegged ♪♪

506
00:20:45,777 --> 00:20:47,779
(laughs)

507
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:49,281
♪♪ But I don'’’t know what to do
 ♪♪

508
00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:54,286
♪♪ With those tossed salad
s and scrambled eggs ♪♪

509
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,221
♪♪ They'’’re calling again
. ♪♪

510
00:20:57,723 --> 00:21:00,759
Scrambled eggs all over my face.

511
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:03,762
What is a boy to do?

512
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:06,765
Good night, everybody!