1 00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:10,076 I suppose you looked in the classifieds 2 00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:11,578 under "housekeepers." Check. 3 00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:13,046 And you asked people in your building? Check. 4 00:00:13,446 --> 00:00:15,248 And you called the employment agencies? 5 00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:16,316 Again, check. 6 00:00:16,316 --> 00:00:17,784 I heard you the first time. 7 00:00:19,819 --> 00:00:21,121 Well... 8 00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:22,455 Who'd have thought it'd be so hard 9 00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:24,457 to get someone to clean your house? Well.. . 10 00:00:24,457 --> 00:00:26,960 over the years Daphne has managed to scour 11 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,462 her way into our heart, so to speak. 12 00:00:29,462 --> 00:00:31,898 Just don't want to hire somebo who's in it for only the money . 13 00:00:32,298 --> 00:00:34,367 So you want to find someone who's in it 14 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,169 for the joy of cleaning? 15 00:00:36,403 --> 00:00:38,471 Ah. May I? 16 00:00:38,471 --> 00:00:39,472 Oh, of course, Gil. 17 00:00:39,472 --> 00:00:40,473 Take a load off. 18 00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:41,474 Nice outfit, Roz. 19 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:44,244 Somehow, you and a peasant blouse just go together. 20 00:00:44,477 --> 00:00:45,945 Thanks. 21 00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:47,847 Haven't worn it for years. 22 00:00:47,847 --> 00:00:50,817 But how long can something stay in the closet? 23 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:57,457 Say, uh, Gil... 24 00:00:57,957 --> 00:00:59,759 uh, are you pleased with your housekeeper? 25 00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:00,493 Oh, you mean Chung? 26 00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:02,028 Oh, yes, he's marvelous. 27 00:01:02,462 --> 00:01:03,997 He's efficient, he's dependable, 28 00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:06,499 and he still hasn't figured out American money. 29 00:01:06,499 --> 00:01:08,001 Between you and me, I told him 30 00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:10,904 when they made Lincoln's picture bigger, it was worth more. 31 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,305 (chuckles) 32 00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:13,807 Very funny. 33 00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,809 Do you suppose that your man Friday 34 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:18,244 might be available on a Monday or Tuesday? 35 00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:20,180 You want to steal my Chung? No, no 36 00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:21,681 Not-Not steal him. 37 00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:23,683 Just borrow him for a day or two a week 38 00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:25,185 until I can restaff. 39 00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:26,519 A dangerous notion, Frasier. 40 00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:29,189 You know how employees gossip about their benefactors. 41 00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:30,457 Well, I have nothing to hide. 42 00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:32,859 Yes, but suppose while on your premises 43 00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:34,828 he lets something slip about me and Deb 44 00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,296 and our heart-shaped bed? 45 00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:40,133 I would refuse to believe him. 46 00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,969 Did I mention he's a drug mule ? 47 00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:44,871 Oh, he is not. You're just saying that 48 00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:46,406 'cause you don't want to help me out. 49 00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:47,874 Such insight. 50 00:01:47,874 --> 00:01:50,376 It's a pity more people don't listen to your show. 51 00:01:57,550 --> 00:01:59,052 several other candidates to interview, 52 00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:02,055 but I'll be sure to let you know by the 12th. 53 00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:05,058 Of never! 54 00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:09,963 Honestly, I'm beginning to wonder 55 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,298 if we'll ever find anyone that meets our standards. 56 00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:13,666 You're being too picky. 57 00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:15,468 It's just housekeeping, not rocket science. 58 00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:17,070 DAPHNE: I beg to differ. 59 00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:18,371 You don't even know half 60 00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:20,373 of what I used to do around here. 61 00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:23,676 Like dusting the plant leaves or rotating your underwear. 62 00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:26,346 Excuse me? 63 00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:29,215 Every month, I used to throw out your oldest pair 64 00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:30,183 and put in two new pairs. 65 00:02:30,583 --> 00:02:33,119 Did it ever occur to you that you never had 66 00:02:33,119 --> 00:02:34,988 to buy underwear in ten years? 67 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,194 I thought I got hold of a good batch. 68 00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:43,463 FRASIER: Well, let's see. 69 00:02:43,763 --> 00:02:45,231 Who is our front-runner, thus far? 70 00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:46,666 (wearily): Oh, I don't know. I... 71 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,001 . They're all the same to me 72 00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:50,370 Honestly, Dad, you know, I am starting to get 73 00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:52,272 the slightest bit chapped with your attitude. 74 00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:54,641 You haven't even graded any of the candidates. 75 00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:56,142 You've simply doodled a warplane 76 00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:58,144 dropping bombs on a soldier. 77 00:02:58,144 --> 00:02:59,646 (doorbell rings) That's not a soldier. 78 00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:01,648 Well, then why is he wearing a helmet? 79 00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:02,515 That's not a helmet. 80 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:05,418 It's someone with a big head 81 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,191 Yes? 82 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,192 Hi, I'm Trish Haney. 83 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,693 I'm here about the housekeeper job. 84 00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:14,527 I'm really sorry I'm late. 85 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,430 I had you down for over an hour ago. 86 00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:19,866 I know. I got stuck in line waiting to buy tickets 87 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:20,768 for the Sonics game this weekend. 88 00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:23,203 Really? Come on in. 89 00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:25,038 I should have guessed everyone and his brother 90 00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:26,873 would want to see Vince Carter play. 91 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:30,109 Not everybody... or his brother. 92 00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:33,546 Wow, this is a beautiful place. 93 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:34,514 Here's my resume. 94 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,549 Ah, thank you. Won't you be seated? 95 00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:37,550 I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. 96 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:38,551 This is my father, Martin Crane, 97 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,520 and this is my sister-in-law, Daphne Crane. 98 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,455 Now, I'll get right to the interview. 99 00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:44,891 First question: 100 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,826 What is the best way 101 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,196 to combat rings on a wooden table? 102 00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:51,698 Um... 103 00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:54,701 I've heard you can rub mayonnaise on it. 104 00:03:55,034 --> 00:03:58,404 The best way is to provide coasters. 105 00:03:58,671 --> 00:04:01,241 An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. 106 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,242 (laughs) 107 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,078 Started me out with a trick question, right? 108 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,779 So how do you think the Sonics will defend Carter? 109 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,648 Um, you have to have someone body up on him 110 00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,583 and then double-team when he gets the ball. 111 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,086 Thank you. 112 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,322 DAPHNE : Trish... 113 00:04:16,689 --> 00:04:19,259 if the washing machine has a 25-minute cycle 114 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,761 and the dryer has a 40-minute cycle 115 00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:24,530 what time does the second load have to go in the washer 116 00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:27,300 to be dry by 5:00? 117 00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:31,204 Uh, well, that's 65 minutes, so 3:55. 118 00:04:31,537 --> 00:04:32,605 You may want to take some time 119 00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:33,606 to think about these questions be... 120 00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:34,607 FRASIER: Daphne... 121 00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:36,542 she's right. 122 00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:40,947 Well done. 123 00:04:41,347 --> 00:04:42,415 Hey, I got a question. 124 00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:43,750 Can you clean a house? 125 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,085 Yes. And if I do say so myself, I'm pretty good. 126 00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:47,353 Next question: 127 00:04:47,553 --> 00:04:48,955 Can you start Monday? 128 00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:50,256 (chuckles) 129 00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:53,259 You know, we're getting just a bit ahead of ourselves 130 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,261 We still have several people to meet. 131 00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:57,764 Uh, thank you for coming by. Oh, sure. 132 00:04:57,764 --> 00:04:59,265 That was the interview, huh? Two questions? 133 00:04:59,265 --> 00:05:01,267 Well, it was really more of a pre-screening. 134 00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:02,769 We'll be sure to let you know. 135 00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:03,770 Okay, thanks. Just so you know 136 00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:05,271 I'll be out of town till the first. 137 00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:08,274 ... Fine. Then I'll be sure to call you the second 138 00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:12,979 I lose my mind. 139 00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:15,315 What? What was wrong with her? 140 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,649 In the first place, 141 00:05:16,916 --> 00:05:17,984 she showed up late. 142 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,485 If she doesn't take the interview seriously 143 00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:20,987 how can we expect her to take the job seriously? 144 00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:23,723 Ah, you just don't like her because she's not all stuffy 145 00:05:23,956 --> 00:05:25,525 She did seem a bit cheeky. 146 00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:29,329 Which you never were. 147 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:32,632 Well, I'm afraid so far, our best candidate 148 00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:36,135 is the young man from Jeepers Sweepers. 149 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:41,908 I will move out if you hire that prancing moron. 150 00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:43,176 All right, fine. 151 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,177 Who would you hire? 152 00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,012 This-This-This Trish, I suppose? 153 00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:47,380 Well, I was right about Daphne. 154 00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:47,840 Doesn't that count for anything? 155 00:05:48,581 --> 00:05:50,016 You didn't even want to hire her. 156 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,918 You thought she might steal. 157 00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:57,156 Did you really say that? 158 00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:58,558 Of course not! 159 00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,059 I don't remember. 160 00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:02,762 MARTIN: Well, whoever gets hired 161 00:06:02,995 --> 00:06:05,064 is someone I'm going to have to spend a lot of time with 162 00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:07,033 and I don't need a lot of quiz questions 163 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:09,502 and score sheets to get a feel for someone's character 164 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:14,040 Did I look like a thief? Was it my shifty eyes? 165 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,675 Look, if you don't trust my judgment, Frasier, 166 00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,510 just have the guts to say so. No, all right. 167 00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:19,846 Fine. You can hire whoever you want to. 168 00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:21,247 You want this Trish? Fine, call her. 169 00:06:21,647 --> 00:06:23,716 Great. I'll call her right now and tell her she's hired. 170 00:06:24,183 --> 00:06:25,685 And I'll tell her where you keep your valuables. 171 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:26,719 FRASIER: Oh! 172 00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:29,222 Would you give it a rest? 173 00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:34,227 Hey, Niles. Have a seat. 174 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,228 Thank you. 175 00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:36,729 I'll have my usual. 176 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,733 Oh, no, uh, bottled water, room temperature. 177 00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:46,072 Hey, slow down, little man. What are we celebrating? 178 00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:48,408 I can't drink anything that's too hot. 179 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,342 I have a toothache. 180 00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:51,778 Oh. You been to the dentist? 181 00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,746 Yes, but he said the tooth is perfectly healthy. 182 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,248 I still have this throbbing pain. 183 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,818 Oh, it's probably just a sinus infection 184 00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,119 Have you had a cold lately? 185 00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,422 A couple of weeks ago, yes, but I'm-I'm over it. 186 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,423 It's probably what it is. 187 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,424 A sinus infection. 188 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,992 It happens to me all the time. 189 00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:08,060 In all likelihood, I'm sure you're right. Thank you. 190 00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,263 Of course I'm right. What else could it be? 191 00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:13,099 Actually, a toothache can be referred pain 192 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,400 from something else. 193 00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:15,701 Referred pain? 194 00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:17,003 That's right. 195 00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:18,771 For example, if I had a heart condition 196 00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:20,273 I might not have pain in my chest. 197 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:23,776 I might have pain in my tooth, you see? Referred pain. 198 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,578 So, while you're 199 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,847 probably right about the sinus infection 200 00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:29,849 let's not discount the one-in-10,000 chance 201 00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:32,251 that it might be something more serious. 202 00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:33,653 Oh, now I get it. 203 00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:35,655 So the pain in my butt 204 00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:38,491 might actually be coming from across the table. 205 00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:44,363 Something like that, yes. 206 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:46,332 Oh, look. 207 00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:49,635 I'm the winner of a fanny pack. 208 00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:50,937 Congratulations. Thank you. 209 00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:52,805 You have no idea what it is, do you? 210 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:55,775 Uh, not really, no. 211 00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:56,642 Hey, look. 212 00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:58,478 It says here 213 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,481 the odds of winning it are one in 10,000. 214 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,816 Ooh... spooky. 215 00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:06,118 Same odds as 216 00:08:06,118 --> 00:08:08,020 that toothache being a heart attack. 217 00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:09,789 Maybe it's a sign. 218 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,058 It's a good sign. By beating those odds once, 219 00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:13,559 it makes it that much more unlikely 220 00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:16,062 that something so improbable can happen to me again. 221 00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:17,363 WOMAN: Niles. Mmm. 222 00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,667 Hello, Daphne. 223 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,839 Okay, that's weird. 224 00:08:32,311 --> 00:08:34,814 MARTIN: So, that's the grand tour. 225 00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:36,249 Hard to know where to start. 226 00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,818 I don't have much time before I have to go. 227 00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:40,253 What? You're leaving already? 228 00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,188 Yeah, um, I have this lunch thing. 229 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,589 I hope you don't mind. 230 00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:45,258 Well, the problem is it's this friend 231 00:08:45,491 --> 00:08:47,560 that I've been putting off because I've been too busy 232 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:48,961 but now I finally don't have any excuse. 233 00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:51,864 We're going to try that new rib place down in Belltown. 234 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:52,865 Oh, I hear that's great. 235 00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:55,301 Yeah, I can bring you back a great big bag of them. 236 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,703 But enough chit-chat. I've got dishes to do. 237 00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:58,704 (chuckling) Yeah... 238 00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:00,206 Oh, hold on. Can I offer a suggestion? 239 00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:01,974 You're the boss. What Daphne did was 240 00:09:02,174 --> 00:09:03,242 put a load of laundry in first 241 00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:05,144 and that way you can do two things at once. 242 00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:07,547 Okay. Although, I prefer to do laundry 243 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,049 at the end of the day, and that way I can read 244 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,551 when the clothes are in the dryer. 245 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,320 I mean, it's about the only "me" time I have on this job. 246 00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:19,492 Hey, Dad. Ready for breakfast? 247 00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:21,193 Well, thanks for the invite, but I can't go. 248 00:09:21,193 --> 00:09:22,562 We didn't invite you. 249 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,063 You called us and badgered us 250 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:26,032 until we rearranged our schedule. 251 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,466 Yeah, well, that was before Trish came. 252 00:09:27,967 --> 00:09:29,936 I really think I should hang around and show her the ropes. 253 00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:31,404 Maybe you should show her where 254 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,905 the room freshener is. 255 00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:34,340 It smells like stale cigars in here. 256 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,309 I had some of the guys in last night for poker. 257 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,344 Oh, hey, Niles! 258 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:39,412 Check this out. 259 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,981 Got a great new card trick. 260 00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:42,982 Oh, goody. 261 00:09:42,982 --> 00:09:47,420 Yeah. It's called "The Amazing Niles" 262 00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:50,389 or "The Amazing..." whoever you're doing the trick with. 263 00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:52,391 Like if I was doing it with Daphne 264 00:09:52,391 --> 00:09:53,893 it'd be "The Amazing Daphne." 265 00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:55,728 If I was doing it with Frasier, it'd be... 266 00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:57,096 "The Amazing Frasier." Yeah, I get it, Dad. 267 00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:58,431 Yeah. 268 00:09:58,731 --> 00:10:00,299 That's just my patter. Okay... 269 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:04,303 Okay, Amazing Niles, I want you to draw 270 00:10:04,303 --> 00:10:06,639 the ace of spades out of this deck. 271 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,507 Uh, something tells me 272 00:10:08,507 --> 00:10:11,444 that it's going to be this one right here. Ooh! 273 00:10:11,844 --> 00:10:14,780 Ladies and gentlemen, he drew the ace of spades. 274 00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:16,616 Amazing, Amazing Niles. 275 00:10:17,049 --> 00:10:18,117 Isn't that a great trick? 276 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:19,452 Hey, wait a minute. 277 00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:23,055 How come this deck only has aces of spades? 278 00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:24,957 What? No, this is the tri... 279 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,463 Wait... wait a minute. Uh... 280 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,465 This isn't the trick deck. 281 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:33,299 Holy cow! 282 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,100 Wh... 283 00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:38,304 You just drew the card I asked you for. 284 00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,305 What are the odds? 285 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,707 I wonder if you could do it again. 286 00:10:42,074 --> 00:10:43,976 No. No, no, no, no. 287 00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:45,811 Only... only one performance a day. 288 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,516 Is something wrong? 289 00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:53,319 What? No. 290 00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:56,822 Oh, you know, since we're not going to have breakfast 291 00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,257 maybe we should go. 292 00:10:58,591 --> 00:10:59,659 All right. 293 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,994 That way we can pick up your car from the shop. 294 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:03,229 What happened to your car? 295 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,498 It got struck by lightning. 296 00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:12,004 Okay, washer's running as we speak. 297 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,439 Anything else before I go? 298 00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:15,775 You going to lunch now? It's only 10:00. Already? 299 00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:18,177 I guess the dishes will have to wait. 300 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:19,679 I've got a couple of errands to run 301 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,113 and then I have a hair appointment. 302 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,581 Trish, I'm a little surprised 303 00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:24,083 that you're taking off like this. 304 00:11:24,483 --> 00:11:25,551 I'm a little surprised, too. 305 00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:26,552 I thought my first day 306 00:11:26,552 --> 00:11:28,554 would be more like orientation, you know? 307 00:11:28,554 --> 00:11:30,556 Show me around, explain my duties 308 00:11:30,556 --> 00:11:31,957 and then I start work the next day. 309 00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:33,292 Why would you think that? 310 00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:35,227 Well, it's been that way every other place 311 00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:37,129 that I've worked, and I've had alot of jobs. 312 00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:40,533 Well, listen, Trish, I kind of went out on a limb for you 313 00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,035 and I'll never hear the end of it from my son 314 00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:43,936 if you let me down. 315 00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:45,371 Don't worry. 316 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:46,872 You are not going to regret hiring me. 317 00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:48,874 Tomorrow morning, I'll be like the White Tornado 318 00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:50,142 Remember those commercials? 319 00:11:50,342 --> 00:11:51,277 White Tornado? That'll be me. 320 00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:52,678 Ten o'clock. 321 00:11:52,678 --> 00:11:54,046 So you're not coming back after lunch? 322 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:57,349 Oh, trust me. You don't want me cleaning this place drunk. 323 00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:58,718 (laughs) 324 00:11:58,718 --> 00:11:59,652 Oh, and that reminds me. 325 00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:00,619 I don't work Mondays. 326 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:02,054 Gosh, you know, I better get going. 327 00:12:02,621 --> 00:12:04,390 If I'm late to this lunch, how's that going to look? 328 00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:05,558 What about the laundry? 329 00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:08,828 10:00 tomorrow, along with those ribs. 330 00:12:11,263 --> 00:12:13,232 Well, I hear the washer going. 331 00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:16,235 I assume that means our new employee is hard at it. 332 00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:17,236 Oh, yeah. 333 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,206 She's like the White Tornado 334 00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:22,208 Dad, you know your basketball references 335 00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:23,476 go right over my head. 336 00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:26,579 You know... 337 00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:28,414 she's certainly got her work cut out for her 338 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,416 cleaning up this mess you and your buddies made last night. 339 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:31,417 Well, you don't have to worry about it. 340 00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,419 She's all about the work. 341 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:36,922 Listen, Dad, I think I owe you an apology. 342 00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:37,857 For what? 343 00:12:38,224 --> 00:12:39,291 Well, for thinking 344 00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:41,093 I was a better judge of people than you are. 345 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,728 Just want you to know that I do 346 00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:44,497 trust your judgment. 347 00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,932 Maybe I don't say that often enough. 348 00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,267 Anyway, I hope you can forgive me. 349 00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:50,770 There's nothing to forgive, son. 350 00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:52,104 Thanks, Dad. 351 00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:53,939 I'll see you later. 352 00:12:57,042 --> 00:12:59,111 Not now, boy. 353 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:02,114 We've got an apartment to clean. 354 00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,622 Hi, Niles. How's it going? 355 00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:11,490 I'm as good as dead. 356 00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:13,826 I've been doing research 357 00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:15,161 into my family health history. 358 00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:16,662 My great-uncle Timothy 359 00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:18,430 keeled over from a heart attack at my age. 360 00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,668 Bottled water. Please. 361 00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:26,672 Are you talking about that tooth again? 362 00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:28,674 It's still throbbing, thank you. 363 00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:32,111 Which means my heart is probably on its last legs. 364 00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:35,281 Come on, Niles, you said it was a one-in-a-million chance. 365 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,050 One in 10,000, and I've been beating those odds all week. 366 00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:39,552 I don't believe in omens, 367 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:41,887 but these are getting harder and harder to ignore. 368 00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:44,557 So are you. 369 00:13:44,790 --> 00:13:46,358 I flipped a coin 17 times last night, 370 00:13:46,358 --> 00:13:47,860 and every time it came up tails. 371 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,362 I only stopped because I was getting a blister. 372 00:13:50,362 --> 00:13:51,697 Thank you. 373 00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:54,333 How does Daphne put up with all this? 374 00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:55,601 I haven't told her about it, 375 00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:57,503 'cause unlike you, she'd worry about me. 376 00:13:57,870 --> 00:13:59,939 Get your heart checked and stop obsessing about it. 377 00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:01,240 I'm going to. 378 00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:03,042 In all probability, there's a 379 00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:05,444 there's a perfectly reasonable ex... (gasps) 380 00:14:05,811 --> 00:14:07,713 What? 381 00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:10,382 I won another fanny pack. 382 00:14:13,752 --> 00:14:15,754 No, I'm not mad at you, Trish. 383 00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:18,224 I'm just a little disappointed 384 00:14:18,224 --> 00:14:20,759 Well, yesterday it was your neighbor's funeral 385 00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:23,162 and today you got the flu. 386 00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:26,532 No, I kind of believe you, but... 387 00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:30,536 You know, this apartment doesn't clean itself, so... Huh? 388 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:32,404 Okay. Tomorrow. 389 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,273 9:00 sharp. 390 00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:36,242 10:00? Okay. 391 00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:39,245 Well, I'll see you when you get here. Okay, bye. 392 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,281 (doorknob rattling) 393 00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:47,786 Oh, for God... sakes... 394 00:14:47,786 --> 00:14:49,255 Hey! Careful, mister! 395 00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:51,724 You're going to get water all over a clean floor 396 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,592 You know, maybe you can have Trish 397 00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:55,594 wax this floor tomorrow, huh? 398 00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:57,930 She already did, and it took her two hours! 399 00:14:58,197 --> 00:15:00,266 And it just took you two seconds 400 00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,234 to mess it up and start complaining. 401 00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:05,170 Well, I'm not complaining, Dad but look at the streaks here. 402 00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:07,172 It's like she never waxed a floor before. 403 00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:11,677 All you do is nag, nag, nag. 404 00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:14,680 Meanwhile, she tried a new fabric softener on your sweater 405 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:15,681 and you didn't even notice. 406 00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:18,117 Well, my sweaters are supposed to be dry cleaned. 407 00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:20,486 Oh. Oh, and remind me 408 00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:22,888 to say something to her about flipping my mattress. 409 00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:26,725 What the hell are you trying to do, kill her?! 410 00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:30,095 Easy, easy, Dad. 411 00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,097 There's no reason to get all riled up. 412 00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:33,065 My God, 413 00:15:33,465 --> 00:15:34,533 you're actually perspiring. 414 00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:36,535 Well, I just think some people around here 415 00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:38,337 don't realize how hard she works. 416 00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:41,640 -- Well, I'll say this much 417 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,609 the place does smell lemony fresh. 418 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:48,113 Shows what you know. It's country breeze. 419 00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:53,619 Daphne, I... 420 00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:55,621 have to go out for a while. 421 00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:56,989 All right. 422 00:15:57,423 --> 00:16:00,492 No place out of the ordinary-- just... out. 423 00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:03,862 Okay. See you later. 424 00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:10,402 I can't believe this is happening. 425 00:16:10,402 --> 00:16:14,840 After all those misspent years of frustration and yearning 426 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,409 I finally find the fulfillment of my dreams... 427 00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:19,912 only to have it snatched away. 428 00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,814 Look at her. 429 00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:26,518 She's so beautiful, so perfect 430 00:16:26,785 --> 00:16:30,322 She deserves nothing but happiness. 431 00:16:30,756 --> 00:16:33,325 I hope when I'm gone 432 00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:36,829 she's able to make a life with someone else. 433 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,531 After a suitable period of mourning, of course. 434 00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:42,334 Niles? 435 00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:44,737 Yes, my love? 436 00:16:45,137 --> 00:16:46,705 When are you going to change the paper 437 00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:48,707 in the bottom of the birdcage, hmm? 438 00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:50,142 I've asked you three times already. 439 00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:51,844 Soon as I get back. 440 00:16:53,612 --> 00:16:55,180 Maybe when I'm gone 441 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:59,184 Her Majesty can muck out her own birdcage. 442 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:02,688 Hey, Fras, sorry to bother you. 443 00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:06,191 Uh, Trish was wondering where you keep the silver polish. 444 00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:07,693 Right. 445 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:10,662 I told her about that tarnish on your shrimp fork. 446 00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:13,132 She suggested a place you could keep it 447 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:16,001 where the air won't get to it. 448 00:17:16,301 --> 00:17:19,238 Really? Perhaps she and I should have a discussion about that. 449 00:17:19,571 --> 00:17:21,440 What are you doing here? Well, my lunch canceled. 450 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:22,708 I thought I might drop by, see if 451 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:23,575 you'd like to join me for a bite. 452 00:17:23,575 --> 00:17:26,045 Oh, sure. Love to. Let me get my coat. 453 00:17:26,478 --> 00:17:28,047 Right. I'll just tell Trish we're leaving. 454 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,381 Where is she? 455 00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:31,750 Oh, uh, she's in the powder room. Let's go 456 00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:33,552 Actually, I-I'd rather wait, Dad. 457 00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:34,853 You see, I wanted to discuss 458 00:17:35,087 --> 00:17:36,155 a new vacuuming pattern with her. 459 00:17:36,588 --> 00:17:40,159 Uh, well... actually, Fras, this might not be a good time. 460 00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:42,594 Uh, that shrimp fork thing really set her off. 461 00:17:42,594 --> 00:17:45,130 She kind of went to pieces and locked herself in there. 462 00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:46,598 She did? 463 00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:48,434 I had no idea she was so fragile. 464 00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:49,902 . Well, she'll get over it 465 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,604 She just, uh, needs to be alone for a while. Uh... 466 00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:54,440 She'll be fine. Uh, bye, Trish. 467 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:55,941 No, no, Dad, you know what? 468 00:17:55,941 --> 00:17:56,942 If I've hurt her feelings 469 00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:58,944 then it is incumbent upon me to apologize. 470 00:17:58,944 --> 00:18:00,446 Well... 471 00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:01,447 Trish, it's Dr. Crane. 472 00:18:01,447 --> 00:18:02,948 Could you come out here, please? 473 00:18:02,948 --> 00:18:04,950 I'd like to have a word with you. 474 00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:08,954 The old silent treatment. 475 00:18:08,954 --> 00:18:11,223 Well, two can play that game. Let's go. 476 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:12,991 No, no, Dad. Why don't you talk to her? 477 00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:14,493 Oh, I don't think so. 478 00:18:14,493 --> 00:18:15,461 Please, Dad, she likes you. 479 00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:16,462 Please. 480 00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:22,000 Uh, Trish? 481 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,502 Hi. It's Marty. 482 00:18:23,502 --> 00:18:25,504 Uh, listen, I know you're upset 483 00:18:25,504 --> 00:18:28,006 but I'd like to talk to you. 484 00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:33,512 Yeah, um... would you unlock the door? 485 00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:35,514 That a girl. 486 00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:45,324 All right, you just take all the time you need. 487 00:18:46,825 --> 00:18:48,327 Okay, well, she accepted your apology 488 00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:50,829 but she just wants to be alone for a little while 489 00:18:50,829 --> 00:18:52,331 so, uh, let's go. 490 00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:55,134 Dad, I really should apologize to her in person. 491 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,402 Well, uh, I don't think this is the time. 492 00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:58,737 Why not? 493 00:18:58,737 --> 00:19:00,672 Well, you have been pretty critical. 494 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:03,041 Well, you know, I also think that she's made 495 00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:04,543 some real improvements around here. 496 00:19:04,543 --> 00:19:06,044 Tell her that. 497 00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:08,046 (sighs) 498 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,255 She wants an example. 499 00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:25,130 How should I know? Make something up. 500 00:19:25,531 --> 00:19:29,001 Oh, no wonder she's mad, you ungrateful son of a bitch! 501 00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:36,475 MARTIN: All right. 502 00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:38,443 See you later. 503 00:19:41,446 --> 00:19:43,448 Well, now I think you've made things worse 504 00:19:43,448 --> 00:19:46,418 It wouldn't surprise me if she didn't come in tomorrow 505 00:19:58,897 --> 00:20:00,899 You didn't tell me you had a sister. 506 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,801 Dad! 507 00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:09,441 All right, what the hell is going on? 508 00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:11,810 No idea. I just came by for my paycheck. 509 00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:12,778 MARTIN: Well, uh.. 510 00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:14,246 I got some bad news about that, Trish. 511 00:20:14,746 --> 00:20:16,582 I'm sorry, but we're going to have to let you go. 512 00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:18,417 Oh. Okay. But you still owe me 513 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:20,752 for the days I was supposed to be here last week. 514 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,589 Sure, sure, and there'll be a check in the mail 515 00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:26,592 sometime after the first.. 516 00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:29,428 asteroid hits Earth. 517 00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:36,235 Okay, lay it on me 518 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,237 I'm-I'm prepared for the worst. 519 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,038 Is it my heart? 520 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,306 I'm afraid so. 521 00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:43,308 Aha! 522 00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:46,778 What? 523 00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:48,247 There is an anomaly in your EKG. 524 00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:50,182 I'm going to have to check you into 525 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,150 the hospital. 526 00:20:52,150 --> 00:20:53,652 Oh. Uh, well, hm. 527 00:20:54,152 --> 00:20:55,654 Uh, I guess I can clear my schedule. 528 00:20:56,154 --> 00:20:57,656 Uh, how's, uh, how's tomorrow afternoon? 529 00:20:58,123 --> 00:20:59,925 No, no, no. Niles? Hm? 530 00:21:00,125 --> 00:21:01,693 You need to go right now. 531 00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:11,069 ♪♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-calling ♪ ♪ 532 00:21:11,069 --> 00:21:13,839 ♪♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪♪ 533 00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:15,641 ♪♪ Mercy ♪♪ 534 00:21:16,141 --> 00:21:18,076 ♪♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪♪ 535 00:21:18,577 --> 00:21:21,179 ♪♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪♪ 536 00:21:21,179 --> 00:21:23,181 (laughs) 537 00:21:23,181 --> 00:21:25,183 ♪♪ But I don'’’t know what to do ♪♪ 538 00:21:25,183 --> 00:21:29,187 ♪♪ With those tossed salad s and scrambled eggs ♪♪ 539 00:21:29,187 --> 00:21:32,190 ♪♪ They'’’re calling again . ♪♪ 540 00:21:32,190 --> 00:21:33,692 Good night!