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00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,076
Here we are.

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00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:13,079
File A, slide sheet one,
image one

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00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,081
of subject
Frederick G. Crane.

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00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:16,082
Mom...

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00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:18,918
Here you are just
an hour after being

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00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:21,788
wrestled from
my grudging womb.

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00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:22,789
Gross.

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00:00:22,789 --> 00:00:24,791
You know, if you like

9
00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:26,793
there's still time
to include this

10
00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:29,062
in your Bar Mitzvah video.
Thanks.

11
00:00:29,262 --> 00:00:31,331
But I just want to get
through this thing

12
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:32,632
with as little
humiliation as possible.

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00:00:32,932 --> 00:00:34,000
Oh, look at this.

14
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,502
Your hospital cap.

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00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:39,506
The very combed cotton
that swaddled your little...

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00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:42,442
(voice breaking):
...head.

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00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:44,244
Are you okay?

18
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:46,112
Of course I am.

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00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:48,114
It's only natural that
there should be

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00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:51,117
some emotional upheaval caused
by the impending shift

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00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:52,619
in our relationship.

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00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:53,620
I knew it would come--

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00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:57,123
I just wasn't expecting
such a roller coaster.

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00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:58,324
All done.

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00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:01,661
Is this your guest list?

26
00:01:01,661 --> 00:01:03,163
Oh, I didn't realize

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00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:05,165
you wanted to invite
so many friends.

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00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:08,968
I don't even know
some of these people.

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00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:10,837
And why are you inviting
Jeremy Berman?

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00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:13,640
I thought you told me he's the biggest nerd in your class.

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00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,475
He's not so bad.

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00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:17,477
Besides, the more people you invite

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00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:19,479
the more presents you get.

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00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:20,413
Frederick...

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00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:22,348
A Bar Mitzvah is
a rite of passage,

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00:01:22,348 --> 00:01:25,251
not an opportunity
for you to collect presents.

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00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,687
I'm sorry. You're right.

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00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:30,557
I'll try to trim it down.

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00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:31,858
KENNY:
Hey, Doc.

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00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:32,692
Kenny.

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00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:34,527
I can't tell you
how touched I am

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00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:36,463
that Freddie invited me
to his Bar Mitzvah.

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00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:37,897
He did?
Yeah.

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00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:39,365
What a great kid.

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00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:41,367
That's your son, right?

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00:01:41,367 --> 00:01:42,268
Yes.

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00:01:42,635 --> 00:01:44,070
I wasn't aware that you two had met.

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We haven't.

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I guess he's probably heard
his share of Kenny stories.

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00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:49,242
(chuckling)

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00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:51,544
From whom?

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00:01:51,978 --> 00:01:53,546
You sly kidder.

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00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:56,549
It sounds like a hoot,
but if I don't find someone

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00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:59,052
to drive with me to Boston
and share a tent on the way

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I probably won't
be able to afford to go.

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00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:02,422
Hmm.

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00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,157
Fun drive, I bet.

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00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:05,492
Hmm.

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00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:07,227
I guess I can just
send him something.

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00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:10,063
I think he'd like that.
Thanks, Kenny.

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00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:13,066
Hey, Dr. Crane,
Mazel Tov.

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00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:20,707
Hey, Frasier.
Hi, Roz.

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00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:21,708
Freddie's so sweet.

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He sent me an invitation
to his Bar Mitzvah.

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Yes.

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00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:28,248
apparently the people
of Washington State

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have made
quite an impression on him.

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00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:34,888
Can you believe Freddie
is 13 years old already?

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I can hardly think about it
without choking up.

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00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:41,227
This is my son, Roz.

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The little bald candy man
that used to fit right here

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in the crook of my arm

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Little bald candy man.

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That's adorable.

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I had a boyfriend
who called hi...

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Is it weird to have a son

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00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:07,754
brought up in a different
religion from yours?

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00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:10,523
Not at all, Roz.
It's a faith that espouses

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00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:13,526
love, compassion, duty,
education and art.

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All values which I cherish.

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And though I have played
a relatively small role

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in his spiritual developme
nt, he has honored me

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by asking that I say
a few words.

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And in the spirit
of the occasion

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I'm going to try
to learn it in Hebrew.

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00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:26,806
Oh...
Hi, Dr. Crane.

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Hi, No
Hi, Roz.

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You've never worn that sweater
on a Tuesday before.

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I've asked you to take your hands
out of your pockets

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when you talk to me.

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So, I don't think I can make the Bar Mitzvah.

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Great.

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I mean that sarcastically,
of course, Noel.

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Great! You're not coming! Terrific!

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Yeah, sorry. Did I
overhear you say you
want to learn Hebrew?

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00:03:55,501 --> 00:03:56,436
...
Uh

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Not learn it.

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I'm saving that pleasure
for retirement.

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But I have composed a speech

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00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:04,310
and I'd like to say it
in Hebrew.

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Well, I can translate and teach
you how to say it if you want.

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You can? Really?

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00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,049
Oh, Noel, thank you.

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Of course, I'll expect a little
something quid pro quo.

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Certainly.
Whatever you'd like.
Great.

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The Seattle Star Trek
convention is this weekend

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and all the Enterprise captains
are making an appearance.

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I need Scott Bakula's autograph
to make my collection complete.

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Noel, isn'’t this something you could do yourself?

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Oh, I would, but
William Shatner's

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restraining order against me
is still in effect.

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It's so stupid.

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It wasn't even a real phaser

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Noel, don't you have any friends

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that could
do this for you?

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Trust me, there are no friends

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in the world
of Star Trek autography.

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I see.

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Well then, consider it done.

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Oh!

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Thank you
so much. Now...

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be sure to keep it
in this acid-free covering

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until the actual signing.

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And if you must handle it,

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use these cotton gloves.

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Okay.

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00:05:06,739 --> 00:05:08,641
You'll be the hit
of the Bar Mitzvah,

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I promise.

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And don't be surprised
if you get caught up

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in all the fun
of the convention, too.

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I'll try to pace myself.

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Thanks again,
Dr. Crane.

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Noel..

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how did you know I would do it?

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What do you mean?

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Well, you must have known
I would do this for you,

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or you wouldn't be
carrying around

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a picture of Scott Bakula,
right?

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Right.

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Hey, Niles, think fast

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00:05:38,237 --> 00:05:38,971
(flashbulb pops)

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Oh!

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Dad!

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What is that?

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00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:47,914
My good old Scheerblad-7XK.

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The blindingest, noisiest,
15-pound camera

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00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:52,719
every produced
in the former Soviet Union.

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00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:54,454
MARTIN:
Can you believe it?!

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00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:56,622
Somehow it got buried
deep down in storage.

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00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,257
But Eddie and
I found it

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just in time
for the Bar Mitzvah.

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00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,528
What smells like
burning plastic?

153
00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:04,931
Oh, that means
the flash unit's working

154
00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:06,833
I thought
the retinue-scorching flash

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00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:08,801
meant that the flash unit
was working.

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00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,536
Not always.

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I still remember the night
of my junior prom.

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Ooh... Dad wanted to get
a nice close-up

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00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:17,810
of me and Margaret Coover.

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00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:20,246
Unfortunately, he got
a little too close and the

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00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,148
heat from the flash
seared the gold plating

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00:06:22,648 --> 00:06:25,485
off Margaret's necklace
onto her skin.

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You never mentioned
Margaret Coover before.

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00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:28,654
I didn't?

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Margaret Coover.

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Petite, brunette...
gilded.

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(flashbulb pops)

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Dear God,
the old flash-and-wind.

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NILES: Yes.

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Dad found it.

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Yeah, good thing, too.

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Hasn't failed me yet.

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Oh, well, except for that one
Thanksgiving

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when the flash washed Lilith out
so bad

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00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:57,683
all you could see
were her hair and eyes.

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00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,952
That wasn't the camera's
fault, Dad.

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00:07:00,319 --> 00:07:04,290
That bloodless skin has
confounded even the most
experienced photographer.

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00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:06,192
Hey, Daph, do you know
where the tripod is?

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00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:07,527
I might need it
for group shots.

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00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:09,395
Yeah, I think it's in
the back of your closet.

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00:07:09,395 --> 00:07:11,364
Come on, I'll help
you look for it.

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00:07:17,703 --> 00:07:19,272
Sherry, Frasier?
Please, Niles.

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00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,139
I have good news.

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Hmm?
I have two tickets

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00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:24,043
to the Udo Fritzenheim show
at the museum tomorrow.

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00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:25,478
(gasps)
Not to mention

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00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:28,381
an invitation for lunch
with the artist afterwards.

188
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:29,315
Oh!

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00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:31,217
Are you serious?!

190
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:33,719
Niles, lunch
with a Dada master.

191
00:07:33,719 --> 00:07:35,721
Oh, I'd love to come...

192
00:07:35,721 --> 00:07:36,556
but I can't.

193
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:38,191
I have other plans.

194
00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:41,561
m,
I promised Noel Shempsky
that I'd do a favor for him

195
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:43,563
and I've got to remain
true to my word.

196
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:46,065
Although, perhaps,
I could go to the show

197
00:07:46,065 --> 00:07:49,435
leave the luncheon early and...
and still fulfill my commitment.

198
00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:50,736
Oh, yes, of course you could.

199
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:51,737
Yeah, you're
right, Niles.

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00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,239
There...

201
00:07:54,774 --> 00:07:56,709
You know...

202
00:07:57,009 --> 00:07:59,579
it was at a Fritzenheim show
in Boston

203
00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:03,082
where Freddie first said
the word "Dada."

204
00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:05,585
I remember swelling
with pride

205
00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:08,588
thinking that perhaps
he was an art history savant.

206
00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:11,557
But, of course, Lilith
deflated my enthusiasm

207
00:08:11,557 --> 00:08:14,727
by pointing out that he was
probably just referring to me.

208
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:18,264
Fras, good news--
found the tripod.

209
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:22,168
Oh. Splendid.

210
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,504
It's tough to watch your kids grow up.

211
00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:27,940
Well, he's... he's
still just a boy.

212
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:28,941
He's only 13.

213
00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:31,444
It goes fast.

214
00:08:33,946 --> 00:08:34,947
How's Lilith taking it?

215
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:36,449
Well, I

216
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:39,519
suppose it's a bittersweet experience for her.

217
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,521
I can't really say for sure,
you know.

218
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,523
She's always been rather guard
ed with her emotions.

219
00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:45,024
Not always, Frasier.

220
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:46,926
I've seen her get
quite emotional.

221
00:08:48,794 --> 00:08:51,297
I'm sure you have,
Mr. Been-There-Done-That.

222
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:57,436
What does that mean?

223
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:03,309
Nothing.
Nothing.

224
00:09:03,609 --> 00:09:06,178
What are you hiding?

225
00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:07,680
Oh...

226
00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:14,687
Um... some years ago..

227
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:20,192
In a complete drunken stupor.

228
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,627
Totally stinko.

229
00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:22,495
NILES:
Yes.

230
00:09:22,828 --> 00:09:25,298
I had an unplanned

231
00:09:25,631 --> 00:09:30,703
and instantly regretted night
ofamore...

232
00:09:33,706 --> 00:09:35,007
...with Lilith.

233
00:09:35,274 --> 00:09:36,742
A one-nighter?

234
00:09:37,109 --> 00:09:38,578
Ofamore.

235
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:42,315
Lilith?

236
00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:44,317
Well, it w...
it was after Maris

237
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:45,818
And it was long before you.

238
00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:47,320
In fact, it's pretty funny

239
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,688
when you think about it.

240
00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:51,357
(nervous laughter)

241
00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:52,625
And remember, I was drunk.

242
00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:55,595
You'd have to be,
wouldn't you?

243
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,996
Sorry, Frasier.

244
00:09:57,296 --> 00:10:01,300
No, no, drinking definitely
took the edge off.

245
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:04,870
Um, when were you planning

246
00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:08,207
on sharing this interesting bit
of information with me?

247
00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:09,542
Soon.

248
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,043
Very soon.

249
00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:13,312
Never.

250
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:18,084
Well, what's
done is done.

251
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:21,487
I suppose we've all had
our romantic missteps.

252
00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:22,888
But just to be clear--

253
00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:24,890
are there any more
secret sweethearts

254
00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:26,726
who I see on a regular basis?

255
00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:28,594
No. Nobody.

256
00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:29,595
Nobody?

257
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,999
Nobody

258
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:34,967
I certainly wouldn't count Anamari Hanratty

259
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,037
at the Natural History Museum.

260
00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:39,805
Frasier?!

261
00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:42,608
I said I wouldn't count her.

262
00:10:43,109 --> 00:10:45,578
I mean... they just made out.

263
00:10:48,881 --> 00:10:50,883
It was for charity.

264
00:10:50,883 --> 00:10:51,884
It doesn't really matter.

265
00:10:51,884 --> 00:10:54,387
I mean, the woman
makes out with everyone.

266
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,922
She's not really the kind
of person that you'd...

267
00:10:56,922 --> 00:10:58,791
(yelling)

268
00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:05,765
Hi, Dr. Crane.

269
00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:07,266
Oh, hi, Noel.

270
00:11:07,266 --> 00:11:09,268
Ready for Yeshiva tomorrow?
That means school.

271
00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:10,302
Yes, indeed I am.

272
00:11:10,302 --> 00:11:11,871
I'm looking forward to it.

273
00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:14,440
Uh, listen, Noel,
I'm afraid I have some, uh..

274
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,777
very bad news about
the science fiction convention.

275
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:18,611
Uh-oh.

276
00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:19,945
Long story short,

277
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:21,313
you see, I attended an art opening

278
00:11:21,313 --> 00:11:22,815
and a luncheon on Saturday

279
00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:24,316
and even though I left the luncheon early

280
00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:26,719
the traffic on the way to
the convention was just awful

281
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:28,120
and by the time I got there

282
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,523
Mr. Bakula and all the others
had gone.

283
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:33,426
No...!

284
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:36,929
You made a promise
and you welshed on it.

285
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,432
Why'd you do it, Dr. Crane?

286
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:42,368
It's not really such a big deal,
is it, Noel?

287
00:11:42,735 --> 00:11:43,803
It's a huge deal.

288
00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:46,806
Who knows when I'll get to see Scott Bakula again?

289
00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:48,774
I'll be the laughing stock of my clan.

290
00:11:49,141 --> 00:11:51,544
Noel, try to rem...clan?

291
00:11:51,777 --> 00:11:55,114
No, never mind,
never mind. Noel..

292
00:11:55,314 --> 00:11:59,685
surely you realize that
Star Trek is just a TV show.

293
00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:02,488
So was Brideshead Revisited.

294
00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:05,491
You're angry.

295
00:12:05,491 --> 00:12:07,760
So I'm going to ignore that

296
00:12:07,993 --> 00:12:10,529
But with all due respect, Noel,

297
00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:14,500
perhaps weaning yourself
off science fiction

298
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:18,504
might be the first step
toward achieving a genuine,

299
00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:21,373
meaningful, grown-up person's life.

300
00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:25,678
Just a friendly suggestion.

301
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,646
You're right.

302
00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:30,950
You did your best
and that's good enough for me.

303
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,319
Thank you, Noel.

304
00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:36,322
So, you'll still be my tutor?

305
00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:37,323
Sure.

306
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:38,824
Good man.
Thanks, Noel.

307
00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:39,825
I'll see you tomorrow.

308
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:45,931
Oh, yes, you will
see me tomorrow.

309
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,934
And by the rings
of Septaurus Five

310
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,737
you will pay, Dr. Crane.

311
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:54,507
You-- Oh, hi, Kenny--

312
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:56,008
will pay.

313
00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:02,648
Okay, Eddie,
hit the talk button.

314
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:06,786
And you're listening
to the Best of Crane on KACL.

315
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,788
We'll be back
after these messages.

316
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,624
(station ID theme music plays)
(door opens)

317
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:16,028
Well, well, the fox and the hound working together.

318
00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:17,029
How ironic

319
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:18,531
I'm just taking care of him

320
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,032
until Frasier gets back
from Boston.

321
00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:22,468
By the way,
he left you something.

322
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:23,536
He did?

323
00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:24,503
Yeah.

324
00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:34,446
Whoa. A wig?

325
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:37,283
That's cruel,
even for Frasier.

326
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,220
Cruel? It's only the wig Joan Collins wore

327
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:42,721
in Star Trek 28.

328
00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:45,124
"City on the Edge of Forever."

329
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:48,561
It's probably still got her DNA in it.

330
00:13:48,961 --> 00:13:51,530
"Dear Noel, I hope
this begins to repay you

331
00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:54,033
"for your great kindness to me,

332
00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:56,535
"especially in light
of my negligence.

333
00:13:56,535 --> 00:13:58,304
Your friend, Frasier Crane."

334
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:02,041
He called me "friend"?

335
00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:04,009
That's really sweet of him

336
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:07,012
I've got to call him
before he delivers his speech.

337
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:11,350
You taught him dirty words
in Hebrew, didn't you?

338
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:12,852
Uh, not quite.

339
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:16,188
They're the same words,
but they're in Klingon.

340
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:18,557
From Star Trek?

341
00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:20,559
That's not even real.

342
00:14:20,559 --> 00:14:23,562
It's the fastest-growi
ng language on the planet.

343
00:14:23,562 --> 00:14:26,632
This is what you people don't understand.

344
00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:30,035
A man named Gene Roddenberry
had a vision...

345
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,537
Call him!

346
00:14:36,475 --> 00:14:39,545
FREDERICK:
♪♪Yit-ba-rach shim-cha
bi'’’fi kol chai♪♪

347
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:42,047
♪♪Tamid, l'’’o-lam va-ed♪♪

348
00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,883
♪♪Ba-ruch a-tah, A-do-nai♪♪

349
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:47,186
♪
♪♪M'’’ka-deish ha-Sha-bat♪

350
00:14:47,519 --> 00:14:50,055
♪♪Amen.♪♪

351
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,558
.
Yasher Koach,Frederick

352
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,560
That was a beautiful passage

353
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,995
and a wonderful reading.

354
00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:58,364
You honor us all by including..

355
00:14:58,364 --> 00:14:59,765
(cell phone rings)

356
00:15:00,132 --> 00:15:02,201
Oh.

357
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:08,407
You honor us all

358
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:11,410
by including us in
this important occasion,

359
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,381
but you have chosen to especially honor your parents

360
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:16,815
Lilith and Frasier

361
00:15:16,815 --> 00:15:19,151
by asking them
to conclude this ceremony.

362
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:20,486
Lilith?

363
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,794
Thank you. Uh...
(flashbulb pops)

364
00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:35,401
Excuse me.
Would the photographer

365
00:15:35,834 --> 00:15:37,903
please refrain from
taking any more pictures

366
00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:40,406
until after the ceremony is over?

367
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:42,341
MARTIN:
Sorry, Rabbi.

368
00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:44,743
LILITH:
Thank you.

369
00:15:45,177 --> 00:15:47,246
I am very proud to participate

370
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,248
in the coming-of-age ritual

371
00:15:49,248 --> 00:15:52,251
of my son Frederic
k Gaylord Crane.

372
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:53,686
(snickering)

373
00:15:54,253 --> 00:15:55,621
Oh.

374
00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:01,493
Frederick, on this momentous occasion

375
00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:03,495
I can only look at you

376
00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:08,000
and see that innocent, chubby-legged toddler

377
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:12,004
who once danced naked at the Boston Pops

378
00:16:12,004 --> 00:16:16,909
The little boy whose
favorite meal was
"buh-sghetti."

379
00:16:17,276 --> 00:16:19,311
I can't count the number of bedtimes

380
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:24,083
we spent cuddled together
reading The Cat in the Hat.

381
00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:29,888
"The sun did not shine,
it was too wet to play,

382
00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:32,558
"so we sat in the house

383
00:16:32,758 --> 00:16:36,829
"
on that cold,
cold, wet day.

384
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,831
(crying)

385
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,332
Don'’’t grow up!

386
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,200
Not yet!

387
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:43,535
Nice girlfriend
you've got there.

388
00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:47,339
Not yet! Not yet!

389
00:16:47,806 --> 00:16:49,875
If you're trying to embarrass me

390
00:16:49,875 --> 00:16:51,343
it's not going to work.

391
00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:53,879
(choked up):
Come here, Daddy's little peanut man.

392
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:58,917
It'll be all right.

393
00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:01,320
We will conclude with a blessing

394
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:03,789
from Frederick's father Frasier,

395
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,190
who, though not of our faith,

396
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:07,693
has chosen to follow
his son's fine example

397
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:09,061
and deliver it in Hebrew.

398
00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:10,863
Thank you.

399
00:17:12,464 --> 00:17:14,033
I'll keep this short.

400
00:17:14,466 --> 00:17:15,367
Thanks, Dad.

401
00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:33,786
"Pookh lod wih le koo.

402
00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:40,659
"Hach jahj cho-koov-moakh

403
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:42,961
"leng-lidge loo-Teb-

404
00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:46,665
"jahj leng widge-vahd bel rahp

405
00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:53,272
"shoave dah-nobe-poo-boagh.

406
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:55,374
Shabbot Shalom."

407
00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:57,943
Oh, that was lovely.

408
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:01,680
What was that gobbledy-gook?

409
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:04,583
Well, it's-it's
a blessing for my son.

410
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,085
"Pookh Lod Wih Le Koo."

411
00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:08,587
That means nothing.

412
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,089
It's gibberish.

413
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,323
What?

414
00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:12,891
That's not gibberish,
it's Klingon.

415
00:18:15,894 --> 00:18:17,963
What?

416
00:18:17,963 --> 00:18:19,298
Oh, dear God.

417
00:18:19,565 --> 00:18:23,102
Freddie's dad
just blessed him in Klingon.

418
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:26,572
sorry.
I'm... I'm terribly

419
00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:28,407
...
I... I

420
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:30,175
Will you excuse me, please?

421
00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:32,878
RABBI:
Okay, everybody...

422
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,148
it's better to end with laughter than tears.

423
00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:38,550
I don't know how they say it
in outer space,

424
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,954
but here we say

425
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:45,524
"ahavaandshalom."

426
00:18:45,524 --> 00:18:49,528
Love and peace

427
00:18:49,528 --> 00:18:52,030
Dinner will be served in
the multi-purpose room

428
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:53,465
in 20 minutes.

429
00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:03,308
Hey, that was awesome, Gaylord.

430
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:04,810
Shut up, Berman.

431
00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:08,747
Seriously, your dad's Klingon is really good.

432
00:19:09,114 --> 00:19:10,449
What did he say?

433
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:13,685
Well, roughly translated, it says

434
00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:17,556
"My dearest son,
each day you redeem me.

435
00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:21,493
"May your journey be
filled with the same joy

436
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:24,429
wisdom and purpose
you have given mine."

437
00:19:24,763 --> 00:19:29,635
It's a lot more beautiful in the original Klingon.

438
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:32,838
But it's still really cool.

439
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:36,108
Which one of us do you suppose
humiliated him more?

440
00:19:36,408 --> 00:19:37,476
Oh, I think I did.

441
00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:40,479
I've been trying to console myself with the idea

442
00:19:40,979 --> 00:19:42,981
that without embarrassing parents

443
00:19:42,981 --> 00:19:44,483
there'd be no psychology.

444
00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:46,752
Poor kid.

445
00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:50,856
Actually, today he is a man.

446
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,158
He is, isn't he?

447
00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:54,693
Mazel Tov.

448
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:57,696
You must be very proud--

449
00:19:57,696 --> 00:20:00,199
of your son, not yourselves.

450
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,702
We are, thank you, Rabbi.

451
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,705
Frederick, uh, listen,
I-I'm... I want to apologize

452
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,707
Uh, there was this guy
at the radio station

453
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:10,209
he was going to teach me
Hebrew...

454
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:12,177
You don't have to
explain it, Dad.

455
00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:13,478
Really?

456
00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:16,048
I just wanted
to tell you how sorry I am.

457
00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:19,051
Berman translated your speech
for me.

458
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:20,519
It was pretty good.

459
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,421
So, you liked it?
Yeah.

460
00:20:22,821 --> 00:20:24,890
I don't want to get
all mushy or anything--

461
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,892
-
I'm a little old for that now-

462
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,228
but, you know...

463
00:20:29,528 --> 00:20:31,563
Yeah... I know.

464
00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:32,464
(chuckles)

465
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:35,300
Can you forgive me?

466
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:36,268
.
Yeah..

467
00:20:36,635 --> 00:20:39,204
for everything
but naming me Gaylord.

468
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,743
That was lovely.

469
00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:50,515
MARTIN:
Hey, everybody,
look this way.

470
00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:52,184
Oh, no...!
No!

471
00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:01,326
♪♪ Hey, baby,
I hear the blues a-calling ♪
♪

472
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:04,263
♪♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪♪

473
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:05,931
♪♪ Quite stylish ♪♪

474
00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:08,433
♪♪ And maybe I seem
a bit confused ♪♪

475
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:11,169
♪♪ Well, maybe,
but I got you pegged ♪♪

476
00:21:11,169 --> 00:21:13,438
(laughs)

477
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:14,940
♪♪ But I don'’’t know what to do
 ♪♪

478
00:21:15,374 --> 00:21:18,777
♪♪ With those tossed salad
s and scrambled eggs ♪♪

479
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:21,880
♪♪ They'’’re calling again
. ♪♪

480
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:25,083
Frasier has left the building.