1
00:00:09,405 --> 00:00:11,992
Our topic today has been honesty.

2
00:00:12,159 --> 00:00:16,413
The courage to face each
other with the plain truth.

3
00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:18,749
I've certainly enjoyed
myself these last few hours.

4
00:00:18,833 --> 00:00:20,251
I hope you have too.

5
00:00:20,418 --> 00:00:25,424
This is Dr. Frasier Crane
wishing you good mental health.

6
00:00:26,550 --> 00:00:28,886
Well, that was a dog of a show.

7
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:32,224
They all blend.

8
00:00:32,391 --> 00:00:36,604
Oh, you got a message.
A Blaine Sternin called.

9
00:00:37,897 --> 00:00:39,148
Blaine Sternin.

10
00:00:40,149 --> 00:00:42,527
Call him back, tell him I'm dead.

11
00:00:43,862 --> 00:00:46,198
Sternin. Is he related to Lilith?

12
00:00:46,365 --> 00:00:50,203
Yes. He's Lilith's half
brother, the curse of the family.

13
00:00:50,370 --> 00:00:52,956
What does it say when
Lilith is the good one?

14
00:00:53,123 --> 00:00:54,773
He sounded charming on the phone.

15
00:00:54,916 --> 00:00:57,086
Well, of course he sounded charming.

16
00:00:57,253 --> 00:01:02,133
Charm is the viscous grease with
which he oils his flimflam machine.

17
00:01:02,299 --> 00:01:04,385
The man will say anything
to get what he wants.

18
00:01:04,469 --> 00:01:07,514
I can't believe I haven't dated this guy.

19
00:01:07,681 --> 00:01:10,684
The only reason he'd be contacting
me is to separate me from my money.

20
00:01:10,768 --> 00:01:13,437
The man is always coming up with some…
Some sucker sob story

21
00:01:13,521 --> 00:01:16,321
while he's busy living the
high life in Laughlin, Nevada.

22
00:01:18,152 --> 00:01:20,737
You know, he once stole from
me a very precious antique.

23
00:01:20,821 --> 00:01:23,408
My 18th-century English salt server.

24
00:01:23,575 --> 00:01:27,787
Well, if you don't mind
Elvis, you can have mine.

25
00:01:28,831 --> 00:01:31,459
-Oh, dear God.
-ROZ: What?

26
00:01:32,168 --> 00:01:35,881
This number he left. It's local.

27
00:01:38,717 --> 00:01:41,511
The beast walks among us.

28
00:01:48,937 --> 00:01:51,387
FRASIER: Don't answer
the front door or the phone.

29
00:01:52,316 --> 00:01:56,529
Lock all the windows.
Blaine Sternin is in Seattle.

30
00:01:57,030 --> 00:01:59,407
-Who?
-Lilith's half brother.

31
00:01:59,574 --> 00:02:02,953
Is he the scoundrel that walked
off with your 18th-century saltcellar?

32
00:02:03,037 --> 00:02:04,830
The very same.

33
00:02:04,997 --> 00:02:08,502
Blaine Sternin.
A package came for you this afternoon.

34
00:02:08,668 --> 00:02:11,838
I believe that was the
name on the return address.

35
00:02:12,214 --> 00:02:14,257
What could he possibly be sending me?

36
00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:17,637
Daphne, you've got
longer nails than I have.

37
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,847
Open it yourself.

38
00:02:20,014 --> 00:02:21,934
All right.

39
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,941
Well, what do you know?

40
00:02:30,819 --> 00:02:33,029
It's my salt server.

41
00:02:35,199 --> 00:02:37,076
[GASPS]

42
00:02:38,744 --> 00:02:45,168
I've heard you speak about it, but I
had no idea it was so magnificent.

43
00:02:46,169 --> 00:02:48,130
FRASIER: Just look
at this beautiful gilding.

44
00:02:48,214 --> 00:02:53,594
And the exquisite,
but playful scroll work.

45
00:02:54,555 --> 00:02:58,642
And it has a tiny spoon.

46
00:02:59,476 --> 00:03:01,229
Are you gonna read the note?

47
00:03:02,814 --> 00:03:04,607
Thank you, Niles.

48
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:07,193
"Frasier,

49
00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:12,992
I apologize for any trouble I've
caused and hope you'll forgive me."

50
00:03:13,742 --> 00:03:18,540
He must think I've got
turnips growing out of my ears.

51
00:03:19,207 --> 00:03:20,585
He's after something.

52
00:03:20,751 --> 00:03:23,379
Yeah. Hide the pepper.

53
00:03:25,923 --> 00:03:27,885
[TELEPHONE RINGS]

54
00:03:28,802 --> 00:03:31,555
Hello. Crane residence.

55
00:03:32,139 --> 00:03:33,683
Thank you.

56
00:03:33,850 --> 00:03:36,352
That was the doorman.
Mr. Sternin's on his way up.

57
00:03:36,519 --> 00:03:40,023
So much for living in a security building.

58
00:03:40,941 --> 00:03:43,694
Come on now, Dr. Crane.
Maybe he wants to make amends.

59
00:03:43,861 --> 00:03:46,112
Daphne, let me acquaint
you with the curriculum vitae

60
00:03:46,196 --> 00:03:48,408
of Mr. Blaine Sternin,
or Brad Cunningham,

61
00:03:48,575 --> 00:03:49,784
as he's known in Maine.

62
00:03:49,951 --> 00:03:53,038
Royce Thibideaux in Louisiana,

63
00:03:53,205 --> 00:03:57,543
and Santana Del La Cruz, the
pride of Albuquerque, New Mexico.

64
00:03:59,796 --> 00:04:02,340
This is a man who once made
a living selling rare autographs

65
00:04:02,424 --> 00:04:04,175
until it was discovered that Madame Curie

66
00:04:04,259 --> 00:04:06,609
and Sugar Ray Robinson
had the same handwriting.

67
00:04:07,805 --> 00:04:13,312
And would you care to see the
deed to my 50,000-acre kelp farm?

68
00:04:13,479 --> 00:04:17,191
It's hard to believe a man of
your intellect could be so fooled.

69
00:04:17,942 --> 00:04:20,904
It wasn't my intellect that
he preyed upon, Daphne.

70
00:04:21,071 --> 00:04:24,574
It was my kind and generous heart.

71
00:04:24,741 --> 00:04:28,412
Well, not this time.
This time I will make it a stone.

72
00:04:28,621 --> 00:04:30,164
[DOORBELL RINGS]

73
00:04:30,331 --> 00:04:32,541
He may come swaggering in here,

74
00:04:32,709 --> 00:04:36,463
but I assure you, he will go slinking
out with his tail between his legs.

75
00:04:36,630 --> 00:04:40,051
-All right, Blaine…
-Frasier, my brother.

76
00:04:40,218 --> 00:04:42,136
It's been too long.

77
00:04:42,971 --> 00:04:44,389
FRASIER: Hello, Blaine.

78
00:04:44,555 --> 00:04:48,644
A wheelchair. Nice touch.

79
00:04:48,811 --> 00:04:51,411
Well, the truth is, I've
been in a terrible accident.

80
00:04:51,563 --> 00:04:54,567
I've lost feeling from my waist down.
Doctors tell me I'll be like this

81
00:04:54,651 --> 00:04:57,278
for the rest of my life.
Oh, hi, everybody. Blaine Sternin.

82
00:04:57,362 --> 00:04:59,490
Oh, uh, yeah, come on in. Marty Crane.

83
00:04:59,657 --> 00:05:00,908
Hey, hi, Marty. How are you?

84
00:05:00,992 --> 00:05:02,659
-Miss Daphne Moon.
-How you doing?

85
00:05:02,743 --> 00:05:04,077
-Niles Crane.
-How are you?

86
00:05:04,161 --> 00:05:06,957
Bravo, Blaine. This is the best one yet.

87
00:05:07,124 --> 00:05:10,585
But you forget with whom you are dealing.
I've seen it all.

88
00:05:10,752 --> 00:05:13,089
Dr. Crane, the man is in a wheelchair.

89
00:05:13,256 --> 00:05:18,136
Which means that somewhere,
someone is missing a wheelchair.

90
00:05:19,763 --> 00:05:22,763
Frasier, if you don't believe
him, why don't you call Lilith?

91
00:05:23,934 --> 00:05:25,228
Good idea.

92
00:05:26,479 --> 00:05:28,982
So, Martin, I see you
also park in the blue zone.

93
00:05:29,149 --> 00:05:32,445
Yeah, when I can.
But those spaces are always filled.

94
00:05:32,611 --> 00:05:34,529
Yeah, well, that's
probably partly my fault.

95
00:05:34,613 --> 00:05:38,535
Boy, I sold a lot of fake
handicapped plates in my time.

96
00:05:39,036 --> 00:05:42,039
Boy, talk about a butt-load
of poetic justice, huh?

97
00:05:42,205 --> 00:05:45,460
Yes, I believe that is the
basic unit of poetic justice.

98
00:05:47,670 --> 00:05:50,590
So, what did Lilith say?

99
00:05:50,757 --> 00:05:52,759
Uh, has Blaine really
lost the use of his legs?

100
00:05:52,843 --> 00:05:55,345
She says she doesn't know, but hopes so.

101
00:05:56,430 --> 00:05:59,225
All right, I guess there's only
one way I can prove this to you.

102
00:05:59,309 --> 00:06:01,519
Daphne, may I borrow that
lovely pin you're wearing?

103
00:06:01,603 --> 00:06:03,021
Oh, uh…

104
00:06:03,188 --> 00:06:04,565
Let's see. Here you go.

105
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:08,082
All right. There you go, Fras, my man.
Stick it anywhere you'd like.

106
00:06:09,862 --> 00:06:12,240
You'd have to get up for that.

107
00:06:13,825 --> 00:06:16,495
-All right, I guess I'll do it myself.
-DAPHNE: Oh.

108
00:06:16,995 --> 00:06:18,539
There you go.

109
00:06:18,706 --> 00:06:20,625
That's disturbing.

110
00:06:22,168 --> 00:06:23,211
Cool.

111
00:06:23,377 --> 00:06:25,547
Come on, that is nothing
but a cheap parlor trick.

112
00:06:25,631 --> 00:06:27,632
I thought you'd take
more convincing than that.

113
00:06:27,716 --> 00:06:29,634
Would you have a
butcher knife in the kitchen?

114
00:06:29,718 --> 00:06:32,430
-Oh, I'll get it.
-FRASIER: No, no, that's enough, Dad.

115
00:06:32,597 --> 00:06:33,723
Let's cut to the chase.

116
00:06:33,807 --> 00:06:35,808
What's it gonna cost
me to get you out of here?

117
00:06:35,892 --> 00:06:38,062
Frasier, you're almost right.
Almost right.

118
00:06:38,229 --> 00:06:40,439
It's true, I do want something from you.

119
00:06:40,606 --> 00:06:45,821
But what I want is for you to get
down on your knees and pray with me.

120
00:06:45,987 --> 00:06:47,781
I know these words sound strange.

121
00:06:47,948 --> 00:06:50,952
But I've had a deeply
religious conversion.

122
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:54,080
-Really?
-Oh, this just gets better and better.

123
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,123
I guess it started with my car accident.

124
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:59,670
I was driving drunk, which I
had done one too many times.

125
00:06:59,837 --> 00:07:01,463
Oh, you know, it was a sign.

126
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,632
-From God?
-No, from the Highway Department.

127
00:07:03,716 --> 00:07:07,178
It said, "Lane ends" and
I just plowed right into it.

128
00:07:07,345 --> 00:07:11,392
The next thing I saw was
a bright light and a tunnel.

129
00:07:11,559 --> 00:07:14,186
So you had a near-death experience.

130
00:07:14,436 --> 00:07:16,397
No, it was a CAT scan.

131
00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:22,487
You know, when Dr. Kagan told me I
was paralyzed, well, I was devastated.

132
00:07:22,654 --> 00:07:27,160
There I was, the lowest point a
man can be. And he came to me.

133
00:07:27,326 --> 00:07:29,829
-Doctor Kagan?
-No, wrong again, hon.

134
00:07:29,997 --> 00:07:32,833
-It was God.
-Oh, damn.

135
00:07:34,251 --> 00:07:36,351
Hang in there, sweetheart. You'll get one.

136
00:07:37,213 --> 00:07:39,048
He showed me how I'd squandered my life.

137
00:07:39,132 --> 00:07:43,220
You know, cheating innocent people.
I… I was just filled with shame.

138
00:07:43,387 --> 00:07:44,471
That's why I'm here.

139
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:47,888
I've started a ministry to save
souls the way the Lord saved mine.

140
00:07:48,017 --> 00:07:50,228
What genius. The Lord.

141
00:07:50,395 --> 00:07:54,024
A credible partner who doesn't take a cut.

142
00:07:54,983 --> 00:07:57,236
Dr. Crane, you should
be ashamed of yourself.

143
00:07:57,403 --> 00:08:00,489
The fact that Mr. Sternin has turned
his accident into something positive.

144
00:08:00,573 --> 00:08:03,118
Well, it's one of the most
inspirational stories I've heard.

145
00:08:03,202 --> 00:08:05,954
Oh, Daphne, please. You have
no idea what this man is capable of.

146
00:08:06,038 --> 00:08:08,457
Sir, can I get you
something to eat or drink?

147
00:08:08,624 --> 00:08:10,709
I could use a beer.
I haven't given up everything.

148
00:08:10,793 --> 00:08:13,046
That is inspiring.
Yeah, make it two, Daph.

149
00:08:13,213 --> 00:08:16,300
Okay. Excuse me. Oh…

150
00:08:16,467 --> 00:08:19,344
But I insist that I help.
It's like a thing with me all of a sudden.

151
00:08:19,428 --> 00:08:21,555
I just won't allow anyone
to wait on me anymore.

152
00:08:21,639 --> 00:08:23,489
-DAPHNE: Here, let me.
-Oh, thank you.

153
00:08:23,642 --> 00:08:26,853
Well, you've just witnessed the first step

154
00:08:27,020 --> 00:08:31,567
in the Blaine Sternin long con.

155
00:08:31,734 --> 00:08:36,490
He sets you up, sucks
you in, and then, bam!

156
00:08:36,657 --> 00:08:38,951
Kelp futures.

157
00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:42,705
Aren't you rushing to judgment, Frasier?

158
00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:46,960
I… I know you two have a history,
but isn't it possible that he's changed?

159
00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:49,380
Oh, don't be a sucker, Niles.

160
00:08:49,546 --> 00:08:52,048
Dad, you're not buying any of
this medicine show, are you?

161
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:54,343
Well, the guy is
laying it on pretty thick.

162
00:08:54,510 --> 00:08:59,724
But I guess he could be on the level.
I mean, that pin thing was freaky.

163
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:02,395
I want to get that on video.

164
00:09:03,854 --> 00:09:05,856
Daphne, you left him alone in the kitchen?

165
00:09:05,940 --> 00:09:09,528
My Sub-Zero's probably on
the way to a chop shop right now.

166
00:09:09,820 --> 00:09:12,364
All right, Blaine.
I've had enough. Get out.

167
00:09:12,531 --> 00:09:14,782
Frasier, look, I don't know
how to prove this to you.

168
00:09:14,866 --> 00:09:17,453
But I swear, all I really came
for was your forgiveness,

169
00:09:17,537 --> 00:09:19,580
first of all, for stealing
that little teapot.

170
00:09:19,664 --> 00:09:21,875
Salt server.

171
00:09:22,042 --> 00:09:25,212
Is that what that was? Man, nobody knew.

172
00:09:25,379 --> 00:09:28,133
And for all the times I
lied and I cheated you.

173
00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:31,427
And for the time I posed as you
and treated patients for a year.

174
00:09:31,511 --> 00:09:33,012
-What?
-Only a couple of people.

175
00:09:33,096 --> 00:09:36,892
I'd tell you who they were, but I've got
that doctor-patient confidentiality thing.

176
00:09:36,976 --> 00:09:39,076
The point is, that
part of my life is over.

177
00:09:39,186 --> 00:09:41,648
I just… I don't know.
I just want to give something back.

178
00:09:41,732 --> 00:09:43,733
Really?
If you wanted to give something back,

179
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:47,237
you'd be mopping a soup kitchen
or reading to bedridden vets,

180
00:09:47,404 --> 00:09:52,035
or traveling to the Galápagos Islands
to clean oil off some poor seafowl.

181
00:09:52,201 --> 00:09:53,911
Then maybe you'd have some credibility.

182
00:09:53,995 --> 00:09:56,456
I know I've given you so
many reasons to mistrust me.

183
00:09:56,540 --> 00:09:59,084
But don't you believe
that people can change?

184
00:10:00,502 --> 00:10:04,799
If I forgive you, will you
leave and never return?

185
00:10:04,966 --> 00:10:07,761
Yes. I promise you you'll never
see my face in this house again,

186
00:10:07,845 --> 00:10:09,555
unless I'm invited.

187
00:10:11,140 --> 00:10:14,895
Very well.
I grant you this boon, and I forgive you.

188
00:10:15,062 --> 00:10:16,688
Now get out.

189
00:10:16,855 --> 00:10:19,691
Oh, Mr. Sternin, I hope
you'll stay for dinner.

190
00:10:22,987 --> 00:10:24,887
Sounds like an invitation to me, Fras.

191
00:10:29,828 --> 00:10:32,998
And so here's this kid,
no more than 15 years old.

192
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:36,044
He lives in a cardboard
box under the overpass.

193
00:10:36,211 --> 00:10:38,213
And his mother comes to me and begs me:

194
00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:39,922
"Will you get my kid off drugs?"

195
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:42,343
Yes, yes, and then you cured him.
Let's eat.

196
00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:45,763
No, no, no. You don't cure
something like addiction overnight.

197
00:10:45,930 --> 00:10:49,142
Well, look who I'm telling.
I mean, you're a psychiatrist, you know.

198
00:10:49,226 --> 00:10:51,269
Well, that's true.
I have found in my research

199
00:10:51,353 --> 00:10:53,356
with addictive personalities that…

200
00:10:53,523 --> 00:10:55,817
Oh, for God's sake,
what the hell am I doing?

201
00:10:55,983 --> 00:10:58,777
-There probably is no kid anyway.
-Come on, let up on the guy.

202
00:10:58,861 --> 00:11:00,614
He's a man of God.

203
00:11:01,281 --> 00:11:04,701
Blaine, can I take a picture
of you with a fork in your leg?

204
00:11:06,996 --> 00:11:09,749
-All right, everybody. Dig in.
-Oh, right.

205
00:11:09,916 --> 00:11:12,335
-Thank you, Daphne.
-Oh, beautiful, Daphne.

206
00:11:12,502 --> 00:11:16,632
-Thank you, darling.
-Well, who wants to say grace?

207
00:11:16,966 --> 00:11:19,468
Oh, we almost forgot.

208
00:11:19,636 --> 00:11:21,847
Whose turn is it this time?

209
00:11:23,223 --> 00:11:25,016
Okay, I will. Would you all join hands?

210
00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:26,644
Yes.

211
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,736
Ready.

212
00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:38,407
Dear Lord, bless this
food and this company.

213
00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:40,910
Give us your guidance,
and teach us to be forgiving,

214
00:11:40,994 --> 00:11:42,745
as you instructed your apostles.

215
00:11:42,912 --> 00:11:46,709
I'll give you 50 bucks if
you can name three of them.

216
00:11:47,543 --> 00:11:48,960
-Frasier.
-FRASIER: Here you go.

217
00:11:49,044 --> 00:11:53,133
Two 20s and a ten.
Tell you what, I'll spot you John.

218
00:11:53,508 --> 00:11:56,178
Dr. Crane, we're in
the middle of a prayer.

219
00:11:56,344 --> 00:11:57,679
Please, go on.

220
00:12:00,224 --> 00:12:03,352
-Thank you, Lord. Amen.
-ALL: Amen.

221
00:12:03,519 --> 00:12:04,979
Amen.

222
00:12:05,146 --> 00:12:08,817
You know, normally I
get paid after I say grace.

223
00:12:10,068 --> 00:12:12,112
Oh, I'm kidding. Ha, ha!

224
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:13,865
He was kidding. That was funny.

225
00:12:14,032 --> 00:12:15,742
[CHUCKLING]

226
00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:18,746
You know, you're a
godless bunch, but I love you.

227
00:12:18,913 --> 00:12:20,206
[LAUGHTER]

228
00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:21,957
You know, even worse than the godless

229
00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:24,084
are those who would
use God for their own gain.

230
00:12:24,168 --> 00:12:26,046
They are the true hypocrites

231
00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:29,382
who should burn in the
fiery hell for all eternity.

232
00:12:31,676 --> 00:12:34,263
Am I picking up a vibe here?

233
00:12:34,722 --> 00:12:37,517
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did you think that was directed at you?

234
00:12:38,142 --> 00:12:40,842
You know, I could quote
you chapter and verse all night

235
00:12:40,938 --> 00:12:43,106
to try to prove to you
that I'm a changed man.

236
00:12:43,190 --> 00:12:44,233
But you know what?

237
00:12:44,399 --> 00:12:48,321
Instead, why don't you come
see me in action on Sunday?

238
00:12:48,488 --> 00:12:49,614
What do you mean?

239
00:12:49,781 --> 00:12:50,948
Come and hear me preach.

240
00:12:51,032 --> 00:12:53,911
Witness what God can do
through me in all his splendor

241
00:12:54,078 --> 00:12:55,662
and all his glory in the Regency Room

242
00:12:55,746 --> 00:12:57,998
down the at the airport Ramada.

243
00:12:59,417 --> 00:13:01,002
-I'd love to go.
-I wouldn't mind.

244
00:13:01,086 --> 00:13:02,920
-Sure, why not?
-BLAINE: Bless you people.

245
00:13:03,004 --> 00:13:04,840
That's just great. Thank you very much.

246
00:13:04,924 --> 00:13:07,843
Only problem is, the advertising
was just a skosh more than I thought,

247
00:13:07,927 --> 00:13:10,387
and I came up about
$1,000 short on the hall rental.

248
00:13:10,471 --> 00:13:12,057
Aha!

249
00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:16,270
The other shoe comes
cascading from the sky.

250
00:13:16,436 --> 00:13:17,813
One thousand dollars you say.

251
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:21,497
You're not getting it out of me, you
born-again Bilko. Didn't I tell you?

252
00:13:21,651 --> 00:13:24,279
Fras, you know, what I was going to say,

253
00:13:24,446 --> 00:13:25,990
if you'd let me finish was,

254
00:13:26,156 --> 00:13:28,659
-somehow the Lord will provide.
-Oh.

255
00:13:28,826 --> 00:13:31,976
And by the way, Matthew, John,
Thomas, Bartholomew, Jude, Judas,

256
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:36,084
two Jameses, Andrew, Peter,
Simon the Zealot and Philip.

257
00:13:36,251 --> 00:13:40,089
Nine-fifty to go.
Pass the potatoes, please.

258
00:13:45,846 --> 00:13:48,515
FRASIER: He says the
Lord will provide the money.

259
00:13:48,682 --> 00:13:51,853
But we all know who that means: me.

260
00:13:52,270 --> 00:13:55,523
You know, I've always
had a thing for evangelists.

261
00:13:55,690 --> 00:13:59,695
When I first started out, I worked
at this station back in Wisconsin,

262
00:13:59,862 --> 00:14:01,864
and there was this young preacher

263
00:14:02,031 --> 00:14:04,868
who had a show of his
own on Sunday mornings.

264
00:14:05,035 --> 00:14:07,746
He spent hours trying to save my soul.

265
00:14:07,912 --> 00:14:09,164
[LAUGHS]

266
00:14:09,331 --> 00:14:10,708
And?

267
00:14:10,875 --> 00:14:14,253
And it worked. And now I'm a nun.
What do you think happened?

268
00:14:17,174 --> 00:14:18,424
-Hello.
-Oh, Daphne, Niles.

269
00:14:18,508 --> 00:14:19,551
Hi there.

270
00:14:19,718 --> 00:14:21,302
Well, Dr. Crane, you needn't worry

271
00:14:21,386 --> 00:14:23,486
about Blaine asking you for money anymore.

272
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,184
He's received the $1,000
he needs for Sunday.

273
00:14:26,351 --> 00:14:30,314
-What nitwit gave him $1,000?
-Now, Frasier, that's not fair.

274
00:14:30,481 --> 00:14:32,691
Perhaps whoever did it
simply has a kind heart

275
00:14:32,775 --> 00:14:36,153
and a trusting nature that
I, for one, find refreshing.

276
00:14:37,697 --> 00:14:39,658
Oh, Daphne.

277
00:14:40,241 --> 00:14:43,496
I come from a large family of
scoundrels and ne'er-do-wells

278
00:14:43,663 --> 00:14:45,956
who repeatedly promised
me they'd change their ways,

279
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:47,625
and never made any effort.

280
00:14:47,792 --> 00:14:51,254
Now here is someone who's
actually trying and succeeding.

281
00:14:51,421 --> 00:14:54,021
Now, I think that's worthy
of a little encouragement.

282
00:14:54,174 --> 00:14:56,844
-Coffee, Niles? Mm.
-Yes, please.

283
00:14:57,011 --> 00:15:00,473
I can't believe Daphne
got snowed by that crook.

284
00:15:01,015 --> 00:15:04,061
Now, I've got to expose Blaine
for the charlatan that he is.

285
00:15:04,228 --> 00:15:07,731
What was the name of that doctor
he said treated him in Laughlin?

286
00:15:07,898 --> 00:15:10,902
Uh, it was Kagan, if memory serves.
Dr. Kagan.

287
00:15:11,069 --> 00:15:13,488
Shouldn't be too hard to find.

288
00:15:15,323 --> 00:15:18,703
[SLOWLY] Laughlin, Nevada.

289
00:15:21,914 --> 00:15:24,960
Doctor Kagan.

290
00:15:26,294 --> 00:15:27,337
I'm being connected.

291
00:15:27,504 --> 00:15:31,175
Frasier, you're sure you're
not being a tad obsessive?

292
00:15:31,342 --> 00:15:33,636
Niles, this is about the truth.

293
00:15:34,137 --> 00:15:37,725
Yes, hello? Uh, yes, Dr. Kagan, please?

294
00:15:37,891 --> 00:15:39,435
Busy?

295
00:15:39,601 --> 00:15:42,439
Too busy to talk with Dr. Frasier Crane

296
00:15:42,605 --> 00:15:45,775
[SWEDISH ACCENT] from
ze Nobel Prize Committee?

297
00:15:47,986 --> 00:15:49,154
Now, you may ask yourself,

298
00:15:49,238 --> 00:15:51,490
why would this man spend the last hour

299
00:15:51,657 --> 00:15:52,866
preaching the word of God?

300
00:15:52,950 --> 00:15:57,706
Look what God did to him.
Well, I'll tell you what God did to me.

301
00:15:57,873 --> 00:16:01,543
He took away my legs to
show me how tall I could stand.

302
00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,129
[APPLAUSE]

303
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,798
Because, until this happened,
I was not a whole man.

304
00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:10,429
I was a gambler.
I was a liar. I was a cheat.

305
00:16:10,596 --> 00:16:13,849
Everything you can imagine, that was me.

306
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:18,396
I did it. Oh, I was a bad man.
Go ahead, name something.

307
00:16:18,563 --> 00:16:20,273
-A thief?
-Oh, a thief.

308
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,090
Not a day passed that I wasn't.
Anybody else? Come on.

309
00:16:23,235 --> 00:16:25,654
-A womanizer.
-Yeah, in between affairs.

310
00:16:25,821 --> 00:16:29,284
-WOMAN: Tax evader.
-Yeah, but that was on principle.

311
00:16:30,327 --> 00:16:34,080
[WHISPERS] Come on, little sheep.
Come on into this nice little pen.

312
00:16:34,247 --> 00:16:36,208
-DAPHNE: Shh!
-Thought you weren't coming.

313
00:16:36,292 --> 00:16:38,210
I just can't stand to
see people get fleeced.

314
00:16:38,294 --> 00:16:41,004
I left half a dozen messages
for this so-called doctor of his.

315
00:16:41,088 --> 00:16:44,008
I'll tell you, the guy comes back
with a different excuse every time

316
00:16:44,092 --> 00:16:45,593
why he can't come to the phone.

317
00:16:45,677 --> 00:16:49,808
Niles, I tell you, there is no such
man as this Dr. Kagan. He doesn't exist.

318
00:16:49,974 --> 00:16:54,020
And yet, for the first time
in my life, I'm a happy man.

319
00:16:54,187 --> 00:16:55,772
Oh, I can't dance the way I used to.

320
00:16:55,856 --> 00:16:58,400
But, you know, my
heart's turning cartwheels.

321
00:16:58,567 --> 00:17:02,405
I can't run, but there's
no need to hide anymore.

322
00:17:02,823 --> 00:17:05,242
I can't make love, but I can feel love.

323
00:17:05,408 --> 00:17:08,246
Now, do you want that kind of happiness?

324
00:17:08,412 --> 00:17:11,958
Because if you do, let me
hear you say, "Yeah, I want it."

325
00:17:12,124 --> 00:17:14,962
-CONGREGATION: Yeah!
-Come on, like you really mean it.

326
00:17:15,128 --> 00:17:16,588
-Yeah!
-CONGREGATION: Yeah!

327
00:17:16,755 --> 00:17:19,799
Are you willing to do whatever it takes?
Are you willing to make

328
00:17:19,883 --> 00:17:23,555
these earthly sacrifices
to make heavenly gains?

329
00:17:23,721 --> 00:17:26,140
CONGREGATION: Yes, yes, yes!

330
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:31,230
[FRASIER BLEATING]

331
00:17:32,857 --> 00:17:38,238
Have you people lost your senses?
Do you hear yourselves?

332
00:17:38,405 --> 00:17:42,201
This is no man of God. He's a huckster.

333
00:17:42,368 --> 00:17:44,995
Frasier, sit down. This is why I
hate going anywhere with you.

334
00:17:45,079 --> 00:17:48,208
No, Dad.
This charade has got to stop right now.

335
00:17:48,375 --> 00:17:50,585
I will not allow these good
people to be bamboozled.

336
00:17:50,669 --> 00:17:52,337
-Frasier, wait.
-CONGREGATION: Boo!

337
00:17:52,421 --> 00:17:54,173
No, people, people.

338
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:57,092
It's all right. He belongs up here.
He's one of God's creatures.

339
00:17:57,176 --> 00:18:00,054
I am no such thing.

340
00:18:02,016 --> 00:18:05,185
I will prove once and for
all that this man is a fraud.

341
00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,480
See for yourselves.

342
00:18:08,315 --> 00:18:12,444
No, no, no. Don't help him.
That's enough of this, Blaine.

343
00:18:12,611 --> 00:18:13,738
Get up.

344
00:18:13,905 --> 00:18:16,240
-Get up!
-BLAINE: Wait, people.

345
00:18:16,407 --> 00:18:18,576
He knows not what he does.

346
00:18:18,743 --> 00:18:21,163
[CELL PHONE RINGING]

347
00:18:21,997 --> 00:18:23,498
What?

348
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,836
Yes, Dr. Kagan.

349
00:18:28,129 --> 00:18:29,380
Yes, I did.

350
00:18:29,881 --> 00:18:31,549
Uh-huh.

351
00:18:33,010 --> 00:18:34,678
Aha.

352
00:18:37,389 --> 00:18:39,601
For life. I see. Thank you.

353
00:18:40,268 --> 00:18:41,978
Well.

354
00:18:42,479 --> 00:18:44,079
It seems an apology is in order.

355
00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:47,526
Please, help me get this
man back into his chair.

356
00:18:47,985 --> 00:18:53,408
And I will match all contributions
given to this man's ministry here today,

357
00:18:53,575 --> 00:18:56,036
dollar for dollar.

358
00:18:56,203 --> 00:19:00,416
You want fulfillment,
you want inner peace,

359
00:19:00,583 --> 00:19:03,544
this is your man right
here: Blaine Sternin.

360
00:19:03,711 --> 00:19:06,131
Come on, people, dig deep.

361
00:19:06,298 --> 00:19:09,051
Brother Niles, you've been richly blessed.

362
00:19:16,977 --> 00:19:19,188
Thanks again for paying
in cash there, Fras.

363
00:19:19,355 --> 00:19:22,357
I'd rather see that money go to poor
people than, you know, Uncle Sam.

364
00:19:22,441 --> 00:19:23,942
FRASIER: It's my pleasure to do it.

365
00:19:24,026 --> 00:19:27,990
Blaine, there's something
I'd like you to have.

366
00:19:31,159 --> 00:19:32,370
Wha…

367
00:19:32,537 --> 00:19:35,039
-Well, thanks.
-Ha, ha.

368
00:19:35,206 --> 00:19:38,083
You know, this is, uh… This is
really gonna help some needy people,

369
00:19:38,167 --> 00:19:40,629
-now I know what the heck it is.
-Ha-ha-ha.

370
00:19:40,796 --> 00:19:42,506
Martin, been a pleasure, my man.

371
00:19:42,673 --> 00:19:44,257
Same here, Blaine. Good luck to you.

372
00:19:44,341 --> 00:19:46,302
Well, thanks a lot.

373
00:19:48,013 --> 00:19:49,222
Blaine.

374
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:52,351
You are welcome in my home any time.

375
00:19:53,561 --> 00:19:56,897
Thank you, Fras.
That means a lot to me. God bless you.

376
00:19:57,481 --> 00:19:59,067
Well, I'm off to spread the good word.

377
00:19:59,151 --> 00:20:01,570
You are indeed a Holy Roller.

378
00:20:01,737 --> 00:20:03,572
[LAUGHS]

379
00:20:04,531 --> 00:20:07,869
Yeah. Yeah, that's… That's good.

380
00:20:13,333 --> 00:20:15,085
Well.

381
00:20:15,252 --> 00:20:18,131
-There was a lesson learned.
-MARTIN: Yeah.

382
00:20:18,298 --> 00:20:22,093
Don't throw a guy out of a wheelchair.
Who knew?

383
00:20:23,762 --> 00:20:25,765
Well, I guess I just needed a reminder

384
00:20:25,931 --> 00:20:29,810
that people really are capable of change.

385
00:20:29,977 --> 00:20:31,396
Well, I gotta be honest with you,

386
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:35,192
I wasn't totally convinced
myself until I saw him on stage.

387
00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:37,069
Before you came in,

388
00:20:37,235 --> 00:20:40,572
he was talking about all these
things he did right after his conversion.

389
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:43,034
Man, that guy was committed.

390
00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:49,333
He mopped up soup kitchens,
he read to bedridden veterans.

391
00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:54,839
He went to the Galápagos Islands
to help clean the oil off some fowls.

392
00:20:58,844 --> 00:20:59,894
He said that, did he?

393
00:21:03,349 --> 00:21:04,893
[GASPS]

394
00:21:05,060 --> 00:21:07,896
[SHOUTS] Blaine!