1 00:00:09,579 --> 00:00:11,122 Welcome back, Seattle. 2 00:00:11,289 --> 00:00:13,290 Thank you for joining us in celebrating this, 3 00:00:13,374 --> 00:00:15,794 our 2,000th show. 4 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,921 -Hard to believe, isn't it, Roz? -No, that feels just about right. 5 00:00:19,005 --> 00:00:22,467 Ah, yes, well, what a festive day this is. 6 00:00:22,634 --> 00:00:25,011 No stop has been unpulled. 7 00:00:25,178 --> 00:00:26,971 I would like to take this opportunity 8 00:00:27,055 --> 00:00:29,475 to acknowledge the anniversary luncheon spread 9 00:00:29,642 --> 00:00:32,937 provided by our friends at Señor José Phong, 10 00:00:33,229 --> 00:00:35,231 home of the sweet and sour taco. 11 00:00:35,397 --> 00:00:37,047 And don't forget, a little later, 12 00:00:37,149 --> 00:00:41,612 we'll have Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates live in studio 13 00:00:41,779 --> 00:00:44,240 to congratulate me on my 2,000th show. 14 00:00:44,406 --> 00:00:46,456 Apparently, I hear through the grapevine, 15 00:00:46,576 --> 00:00:48,829 he is a big fan. 16 00:00:48,995 --> 00:00:50,330 [LAUGHS] 17 00:00:50,497 --> 00:00:51,915 Roz, what do we have next? 18 00:00:52,082 --> 00:00:53,750 It's time for another blooper. 19 00:00:53,917 --> 00:00:57,379 Oh, well, I believe we're up to number four 20 00:00:57,546 --> 00:01:00,924 as voted by you, the listeners. 21 00:01:01,091 --> 00:01:04,470 Here's what happened when a certain producer 22 00:01:04,637 --> 00:01:09,100 didn't realize her microphone was on during the show. 23 00:01:09,267 --> 00:01:10,309 [LAUGHS] 24 00:01:10,476 --> 00:01:12,519 ROZ [ON RADIO]: Now what the [BLEEP] is this? 25 00:01:12,603 --> 00:01:14,564 You call this a [BLEEP] paycheck? 26 00:01:14,730 --> 00:01:17,316 How the [BLEEP] am I supposed to live on this [BLEEP] 27 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:20,569 I'm gonna have a little word with that [BLEEP] damn station manager 28 00:01:20,653 --> 00:01:23,991 walking around here like he owns the mother [BLEEP] place. 29 00:01:24,157 --> 00:01:26,075 I can't believe that wasn't voted number one. 30 00:01:26,159 --> 00:01:29,705 Oh, ha, ladies and gentlemen, it's our station manager, 31 00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:32,958 KACL's own Kenny Daly. Ha, ha. 32 00:01:33,125 --> 00:01:36,169 Listen, Doc, I got a special someone out there who'd like to say hello. 33 00:01:36,253 --> 00:01:38,630 By all means, let's bring him in, Kenny. 34 00:01:38,797 --> 00:01:42,510 Ladies and gentlemen, our special guest has finally arrived. 35 00:01:42,677 --> 00:01:43,720 Please welcome… 36 00:01:43,887 --> 00:01:45,096 [BARKS] 37 00:01:45,263 --> 00:01:46,306 [AIR HORN BLOWS] 38 00:01:46,472 --> 00:01:49,100 -Bulldog? -Great to see you, Doc. Hey, Roz. 39 00:01:49,267 --> 00:01:51,018 FRASIER: Well, ladies and gentlemen, 40 00:01:51,102 --> 00:01:54,021 it's our old friend and former colleague, Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe. 41 00:01:54,105 --> 00:01:56,355 Thanks for coming to celebrate my 2,000th show. 42 00:01:56,441 --> 00:01:59,278 Yeah, yeah, congrats. Didn't think you'd last two weeks. 43 00:01:59,445 --> 00:02:01,488 Listen up, sports fans, Bulldog here. 44 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,366 I know what you're all thinking: Bulldog's been gone too long. 45 00:02:04,450 --> 00:02:06,952 How can you get me back on the air? Okay, listen up. 46 00:02:07,036 --> 00:02:09,871 You send your cards and letters of support to Kenny Daly, KACL… 47 00:02:09,955 --> 00:02:12,755 Hold on, hold on, Bulldog! Our special guest has arrived. 48 00:02:12,917 --> 00:02:14,543 -PO Box 451, Seattle… -Bulldog! 49 00:02:14,627 --> 00:02:17,255 Would you and your noisemaker please wait in Roz's booth? 50 00:02:17,339 --> 00:02:19,423 -This is an air horn, Doc. -Yes, I was referring 51 00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:22,093 to that flapping hole above your chin. Now get out! 52 00:02:24,596 --> 00:02:26,347 Ladies and gentlemen, let's please welcome 53 00:02:26,431 --> 00:02:27,981 Microsoft Chairman, Bill Gates. 54 00:02:28,141 --> 00:02:29,684 Ha, ha. Good to see you, sir. 55 00:02:29,851 --> 00:02:31,727 -Sorry I was late. -Oh, that's all right. 56 00:02:31,811 --> 00:02:34,773 -I was just talking to an old friend. -Yes, ha, ha. 57 00:02:38,819 --> 00:02:41,822 Well, I've… I've got so many questions to ask you. 58 00:02:41,989 --> 00:02:44,659 Uh, why don't we just dive right in? 59 00:02:44,825 --> 00:02:46,369 I've been wondering, 60 00:02:46,535 --> 00:02:50,247 when did you first become a fan of my show? 61 00:02:50,414 --> 00:02:53,293 Excuse me. Warren from Kirkland is on line two. 62 00:02:53,460 --> 00:02:57,160 Ye… Yes, Roz. I won't be taking any calls until after Mr. Gates has left. 63 00:02:57,547 --> 00:03:00,676 -Actually, it's for Mr. Gates. -FRASIER: Well, um… 64 00:03:01,343 --> 00:03:03,843 Go ahead, caller. You're on with Mister Bill Gates. 65 00:03:03,971 --> 00:03:05,921 WARREN [ON PHONE]: Yeah, hi, Mr. Gates. 66 00:03:06,014 --> 00:03:07,849 I bought your new Windows XP program, 67 00:03:07,933 --> 00:03:10,333 and I'm about to install it, but it's an upgrade. 68 00:03:10,477 --> 00:03:13,577 -Do I need to make a boot disk? -That's a very good question. 69 00:03:13,731 --> 00:03:15,817 You don't need to make a boot disk. 70 00:03:15,984 --> 00:03:17,818 You just put the CD in, and it'll upgrade. 71 00:03:17,902 --> 00:03:19,403 I hope that answers your question. 72 00:03:19,487 --> 00:03:22,532 That's a feature of XP, very quick, very smooth. 73 00:03:22,699 --> 00:03:24,299 -Hey, this is fun. -FRASIER: Ah. 74 00:03:25,827 --> 00:03:27,912 Thank you for calling, Warren. 75 00:03:28,079 --> 00:03:29,247 Now, where were we? 76 00:03:29,414 --> 00:03:33,502 Can Mr. Gates take a few more calls? The board is lighting up. Wow. 77 00:03:33,669 --> 00:03:36,130 Who knew we had a line seven? 78 00:03:36,296 --> 00:03:38,340 Uh, Roz, I believe Mr. Gates is probably anxious 79 00:03:38,424 --> 00:03:41,635 -to get on with the interview. -No, no, I'm… I'm happy to. 80 00:03:41,969 --> 00:03:44,013 Very well. 81 00:03:46,390 --> 00:03:47,641 Go ahead, caller. 82 00:03:48,184 --> 00:03:50,603 WOMAN [ON PHONE]: Wow, Bill Gates. This is so cool. 83 00:03:50,687 --> 00:03:51,771 Thank you. 84 00:03:51,938 --> 00:03:53,940 WOMAN [ON PHONE]: Hey, I have a question 85 00:03:54,024 --> 00:03:56,874 about Multilingual User Interface add-ons. What are those? 86 00:03:56,985 --> 00:03:58,820 GATES: Well, the Multilingual add-ons 87 00:03:58,987 --> 00:04:02,615 let you run Windows in different languages. You can use it in German… 88 00:04:02,782 --> 00:04:05,243 Do you believe this egomaniacal gasbag? 89 00:04:05,410 --> 00:04:06,912 He's taking over my show. 90 00:04:07,079 --> 00:04:09,373 Don't you think you're exaggerating just a bit? 91 00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:11,167 Who do we have next, Roz? 92 00:04:11,333 --> 00:04:14,169 We have Bob from Fremont. He has a question about his laptop. 93 00:04:14,253 --> 00:04:15,588 Go ahead, Bob. 94 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,673 I'm listening. 95 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,518 [SIGHS] 96 00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,026 [CHUCKLES] 97 00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:40,405 Two thousand shows, ha-ha-ha. 98 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,462 NILES: Hurry up, Frasier, we're gonna miss the reservation. 99 00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:58,049 Yeah, I'll be right there. 100 00:05:06,350 --> 00:05:08,435 [HUMMING] 101 00:05:23,284 --> 00:05:25,787 [GASPS] 102 00:05:25,995 --> 00:05:28,414 Two thousand shows. That's quite a milestone. 103 00:05:28,581 --> 00:05:30,541 It is. Can anyone tell me what happened today? 104 00:05:30,625 --> 00:05:31,668 I forgot to listen. 105 00:05:32,085 --> 00:05:33,669 I just listened for five minutes 106 00:05:33,753 --> 00:05:36,464 in case he asked me what my favorite part was. 107 00:05:36,631 --> 00:05:38,216 I just say the call from Tacoma. 108 00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:40,594 There's bound to be a call from Tacoma. 109 00:05:41,637 --> 00:05:42,763 Excuse me. 110 00:05:42,930 --> 00:05:45,380 Could I see all of you in my room for just a jiff? 111 00:05:46,559 --> 00:05:50,521 -Come on, I'm hungry. -I know. I am too. 112 00:05:51,105 --> 00:05:53,315 FRASIER: Okay, are we all here? 113 00:05:53,482 --> 00:05:54,692 -Good. -What's wrong? 114 00:05:54,859 --> 00:05:58,196 Something is amiss. 115 00:06:00,031 --> 00:06:03,827 I'll say. I always thought that was a sweater cubby. 116 00:06:04,995 --> 00:06:08,748 Well, it's not. This is a collection of all my shows. 117 00:06:11,751 --> 00:06:15,715 I was just examining my collection when I realized that someone 118 00:06:17,216 --> 00:06:20,636 had placed one of my tapes 119 00:06:21,429 --> 00:06:22,889 upside down. 120 00:06:23,055 --> 00:06:24,557 [MARTIN GASPS] 121 00:06:24,724 --> 00:06:28,227 What kind of sick, twisted… 122 00:06:28,728 --> 00:06:30,646 Well, turn it right-side up and let's go eat. 123 00:06:30,730 --> 00:06:33,525 -You probably did it yourself. -All right, conceivably. 124 00:06:33,609 --> 00:06:37,738 But I guarantee you, I would never have removed my tape from the case 125 00:06:37,905 --> 00:06:43,285 and replaced it with The Best of Hall and Oates. 126 00:06:44,661 --> 00:06:45,996 All right, I won't be mad. 127 00:06:46,163 --> 00:06:48,248 Just tell me who did this. 128 00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:53,254 Nobody did this? 129 00:06:53,421 --> 00:06:56,341 Tell you what. I did it. Now, can we go eat? 130 00:06:56,507 --> 00:06:58,176 FRASIER: Not so fast, Dad. 131 00:06:58,343 --> 00:06:59,761 Okay. 132 00:06:59,928 --> 00:07:04,182 -Let's examine the evidence. -ALL: Oh, no. 133 00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:08,270 A Hall and Oates tape. 134 00:07:08,437 --> 00:07:10,397 That rules you out, Dad. 135 00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:15,277 And it definitely rules out Niles. 136 00:07:15,444 --> 00:07:18,280 -Dr. Crane… -Or does it? 137 00:07:19,323 --> 00:07:21,074 Perhaps the tape was just a red herring, 138 00:07:21,158 --> 00:07:23,160 meant to throw me off the scent. 139 00:07:23,327 --> 00:07:24,995 A psychological game. 140 00:07:25,162 --> 00:07:28,062 There's only one of you that would combat me on that level. 141 00:07:28,208 --> 00:07:30,627 -I did it! -Aha! 142 00:07:30,794 --> 00:07:33,922 You can't say, "aha." You thought it was me. 143 00:07:34,089 --> 00:07:37,008 -Why'd you do it, Daphne? -I didn't mean to. 144 00:07:37,175 --> 00:07:40,887 I was trying to listen to a tape in that boom box you gave me for Christmas, 145 00:07:40,971 --> 00:07:42,597 only I wasn't getting any sound, 146 00:07:42,764 --> 00:07:45,184 and I didn't know if it were the tape or the boom box, 147 00:07:45,268 --> 00:07:46,852 and I didn't have any other tapes, 148 00:07:46,936 --> 00:07:49,605 so I grabbed one of your tapes just to test the boom box out. 149 00:07:49,689 --> 00:07:52,608 And it turns out it was the boom box after all. 150 00:07:52,775 --> 00:07:55,110 Only then, I couldn't get it out of the boom box, 151 00:07:55,194 --> 00:07:59,949 so I used a screwdriver to pry it out, and I broke the tape. I'm so sorry. 152 00:08:00,116 --> 00:08:03,120 -Oh, there, there, Daphne… -Stand down, Niles. 153 00:08:07,457 --> 00:08:09,126 Daphne. 154 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,254 Do you realize what you've done? 155 00:08:13,588 --> 00:08:15,674 This isn't like any normal tape 156 00:08:15,841 --> 00:08:21,764 that you can just go down to your local music shop and purchase. 157 00:08:21,931 --> 00:08:26,019 It's unique and irreplaceable. 158 00:08:26,185 --> 00:08:28,604 Can't you just get the station to make you a copy? 159 00:08:28,688 --> 00:08:32,817 Unless I get the station to make me another copy, 160 00:08:32,984 --> 00:08:35,111 which, or course, I can. 161 00:08:35,278 --> 00:08:37,822 The only transgression here 162 00:08:37,989 --> 00:08:41,160 is that Daphne didn't come to me with the truth. 163 00:08:41,327 --> 00:08:43,954 Oh, I'm so sorry, Dr. Crane. 164 00:08:44,121 --> 00:08:46,498 I will never lie to you again. 165 00:08:46,665 --> 00:08:49,668 Well, then, if that's what you learned, it was all worth it. 166 00:08:49,835 --> 00:08:51,685 So, what are we all sitting here for? 167 00:08:51,837 --> 00:08:54,673 I believe we have a 2,000th show to celebrate. 168 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:56,758 -NILES: Here, here. -So, did you all listen? 169 00:08:56,842 --> 00:08:58,552 -NILES: Oh, did we. -MARTIN: it was great. 170 00:08:58,636 --> 00:09:00,930 DAPHNE: I especially liked that call from Tacoma. 171 00:09:01,014 --> 00:09:03,183 Oh, which one? 172 00:09:05,352 --> 00:09:06,477 You know, in nine years, 173 00:09:06,561 --> 00:09:08,813 this is the first time I've been down to the archives. 174 00:09:08,897 --> 00:09:11,608 -Oh, my God. I remember this place. -Really? 175 00:09:11,775 --> 00:09:15,153 I came down here once after a Christmas party. 176 00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:17,281 Whatever for? 177 00:09:17,448 --> 00:09:19,742 Well, I had a little too much champagne, 178 00:09:19,909 --> 00:09:23,746 and you know how you get a little lonely around the holiday? 179 00:09:23,913 --> 00:09:26,207 Brings back memories, huh, Roz? 180 00:09:26,665 --> 00:09:28,793 -Bulldog! -That was some Christmas, huh? 181 00:09:29,085 --> 00:09:31,253 When Santa left a bit of Bulldog in your stockings. 182 00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:32,755 [LAUGHS] 183 00:09:32,922 --> 00:09:34,591 You're disgusting. 184 00:09:34,758 --> 00:09:37,593 What, I went too far? I'm sorry. Why don't, uh, you come back here? 185 00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:39,471 I'll slip you an apology. 186 00:09:39,888 --> 00:09:42,224 Bulldog's still got it! 187 00:09:42,641 --> 00:09:44,475 Bulldog, what the hell are you doing here? 188 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:46,520 Oh, this is, uh, this is my new job. 189 00:09:46,686 --> 00:09:48,563 I, uh, catalog the archive. 190 00:09:48,730 --> 00:09:50,315 You know, I clean up a bit, 191 00:09:50,482 --> 00:09:53,068 but, uh, I figure I'll be back on the air in no time, 192 00:09:53,152 --> 00:09:56,364 as long as I attack this job with my trademark "can-do" attitude. 193 00:09:56,531 --> 00:10:00,785 Great. Well, then, we're looking for a copy of my show, episode 893. 194 00:10:00,952 --> 00:10:02,954 -No can do. -What? 195 00:10:03,121 --> 00:10:06,457 What, I only been here an hour. I don't even know where the john is. 196 00:10:06,541 --> 00:10:08,126 Where… 197 00:10:08,292 --> 00:10:10,212 Where's my Power Bar? 198 00:10:10,921 --> 00:10:12,756 I had a Power Bar here. 199 00:10:12,923 --> 00:10:15,509 Someone stole my Power Bar! This stinks! 200 00:10:15,676 --> 00:10:19,388 This is total BS! This is… Oh, here it is. 201 00:10:22,599 --> 00:10:24,517 Frasier, here's a box marked "Best of Crane." 202 00:10:24,601 --> 00:10:27,020 Oh, uh, thanks, Roz. Let's have a look. Ah, good. 203 00:10:27,187 --> 00:10:28,314 What… 204 00:10:31,067 --> 00:10:32,777 There's just a few tapes in here. 205 00:10:32,944 --> 00:10:36,281 -All right, keep looking. -Oh, hey, Doc. 206 00:10:36,448 --> 00:10:38,032 Kenny, just the man I was looking for. 207 00:10:38,116 --> 00:10:41,953 Listen, where are all the tapes of my shows kept? 208 00:10:42,537 --> 00:10:44,706 You got them, right there. 209 00:10:44,873 --> 00:10:46,792 -Well, where are the rest of them? -Yes. 210 00:10:46,876 --> 00:10:49,420 There are no rest. We record over them. 211 00:10:49,587 --> 00:10:51,838 I mean, look around, Doc, we got a space problem here. 212 00:10:51,922 --> 00:10:54,383 Hey, Kenny, where do you want me to put these snow tires? 213 00:10:54,467 --> 00:10:56,760 Oh, put them right next to my kids' bikes. 214 00:11:03,684 --> 00:11:05,334 FRASIER: Good afternoon, Seattle. 215 00:11:05,437 --> 00:11:10,609 Before we go to the phones, I have a boon to ask of you. 216 00:11:10,775 --> 00:11:13,904 If any of you happens to have in your possession 217 00:11:14,070 --> 00:11:16,072 a tape of my broadcast 218 00:11:16,239 --> 00:11:21,536 from June 14, 1996, 219 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,582 I am in need of a copy. 220 00:11:24,749 --> 00:11:26,875 You see, I understand that from time to time 221 00:11:26,959 --> 00:11:29,504 people who call in to my show record it, 222 00:11:29,670 --> 00:11:31,964 perhaps in order to… To review my advice, 223 00:11:32,131 --> 00:11:34,717 or even just play it for some friends. 224 00:11:35,676 --> 00:11:38,471 Now, I realize that this is a bit of a long shot, 225 00:11:38,638 --> 00:11:42,809 but it is the only missing tape of my collection, 226 00:11:42,976 --> 00:11:47,022 and therefore, of course, has great sentimental value. 227 00:11:47,189 --> 00:11:50,150 Thanks for your consideration. Now, Roz, who's our first caller? 228 00:11:50,234 --> 00:11:53,445 We have Joe from Vashon Island on line one. 229 00:11:53,612 --> 00:11:56,281 Go ahead, Joe, I'm listening. 230 00:11:56,448 --> 00:11:58,158 JOE [ON PHONE]: About that missing tape. 231 00:11:58,242 --> 00:11:59,660 -Yes, yes? -JOE [ON PHONE]: Yeah, 232 00:11:59,744 --> 00:12:01,162 I know what you're going through. 233 00:12:01,246 --> 00:12:04,248 A couple years ago, I was in a taxicab and lost a gold cufflink. 234 00:12:04,332 --> 00:12:06,918 Yes, and this relates to my missing tape how? 235 00:12:07,085 --> 00:12:09,837 JOE [ON PHONE]: Well, it's missing, and I'm bummed. 236 00:12:10,004 --> 00:12:12,298 It has the initials J.S. on it. 237 00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:14,926 If anyone finds it, I'd love to have it back. 238 00:12:15,093 --> 00:12:18,556 Yes, um, I'm sure you would, but unless it's about my missing tape, 239 00:12:18,722 --> 00:12:20,557 well, then I would prefer to stick to calls 240 00:12:20,641 --> 00:12:25,062 about mental and emotional issues, as usual. 241 00:12:25,229 --> 00:12:27,606 Thank you for your call. 242 00:12:27,773 --> 00:12:29,275 Who's our next caller, Roz? 243 00:12:29,441 --> 00:12:31,041 We have Phyllis from Green Lake. 244 00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:33,445 Phyllis, go ahead, I'm listening. 245 00:12:33,612 --> 00:12:35,948 PHYLLIS [ON PHONE]: My cat ran away last Wednesday. 246 00:12:36,032 --> 00:12:39,452 She's orange with a white chest and one white paw. Her name is… 247 00:12:39,619 --> 00:12:40,719 Wait, wait, Phyllis… 248 00:12:40,829 --> 00:12:42,246 PHYLLIS [ON PHONE]: So if anyone… 249 00:12:42,330 --> 00:12:44,123 All right, hold on, hold on a minute. 250 00:12:44,207 --> 00:12:46,126 All right, now listen to me, people, 251 00:12:46,293 --> 00:12:50,422 I don't want to turn this show into the lost and found bin of the airwaves. 252 00:12:51,131 --> 00:12:53,466 Phyllis, I'm gonna let you finish your description, 253 00:12:53,550 --> 00:12:56,011 and then we're going back to our regular show. All right? 254 00:12:56,095 --> 00:12:58,096 PHYLLIS [ON PHONE]: Okay. She has green eyes, 255 00:12:58,180 --> 00:13:01,475 a rhinestone collar, and when she's happy… 256 00:13:01,642 --> 00:13:03,769 Let's recap. 257 00:13:03,936 --> 00:13:06,480 Uh, in the last three hours, 258 00:13:06,897 --> 00:13:10,610 we have located a missing engagement ring, 259 00:13:10,776 --> 00:13:13,113 one lost cuff link, 260 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:15,115 two missing cats, 261 00:13:15,282 --> 00:13:20,120 and we've actually reunited Eric from Belltown with his biological parents. 262 00:13:22,331 --> 00:13:26,960 Still, sadly, no sign of my missing tape. 263 00:13:27,461 --> 00:13:28,586 To that end, listeners, 264 00:13:28,670 --> 00:13:33,885 please scour your attics, basements, hope chests, whatever. 265 00:13:34,052 --> 00:13:35,719 Meantime, this is Dr. Frasier Crane, 266 00:13:35,803 --> 00:13:38,306 wishing you good day and good mental health. 267 00:13:38,473 --> 00:13:42,935 And don't forget to look behind things. 268 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,442 -I'm sorry, Frasier. -Oh… 269 00:13:48,609 --> 00:13:50,610 That's all right, Roz. I mean, it'll turn up. 270 00:13:50,694 --> 00:13:52,946 I mean, it's only the first day. Word will get around. 271 00:13:53,030 --> 00:13:55,491 I'm… I'm sure somebody has that tape. 272 00:13:55,658 --> 00:13:58,201 I just don't want you to get your hopes up too high. 273 00:13:58,285 --> 00:14:01,872 Chances are that tape is gone for good. 274 00:14:02,039 --> 00:14:04,500 Well, if that's the case, then so be it. 275 00:14:04,667 --> 00:14:07,712 Life will go on, ha, ha. 276 00:14:29,318 --> 00:14:31,070 DAPHNE: Hello, Dr. Crane. 277 00:14:31,237 --> 00:14:33,280 How was your nap? 278 00:14:35,991 --> 00:14:37,827 It was lovely. 279 00:14:39,995 --> 00:14:42,707 Daphne, could you make me a cup of tea, please, 280 00:14:42,874 --> 00:14:47,003 and whatever meal would be appropriate to this time of day? 281 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:52,342 Dr. Crane, you've been in bed all weekend. 282 00:14:52,509 --> 00:14:55,220 How about going for a nice walk? 283 00:14:55,387 --> 00:14:57,431 No, thanks. 284 00:14:58,432 --> 00:15:00,308 Well, how about going to a movie then? 285 00:15:00,392 --> 00:15:02,145 Take your mind off your troubles. 286 00:15:02,311 --> 00:15:03,604 My car's in the shop. 287 00:15:03,771 --> 00:15:06,232 You could take public transportation. 288 00:15:06,899 --> 00:15:08,735 [FEIGNS LAUGH] 289 00:15:09,861 --> 00:15:11,028 [DOORBELL RINGS] 290 00:15:11,195 --> 00:15:15,867 Oh, I wonder who this could be. 291 00:15:17,368 --> 00:15:21,540 Oh, look, it's your brother Niles, here for a visit. 292 00:15:23,709 --> 00:15:27,713 Hello, Frasier, how are we today? 293 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:29,964 What the hell is wrong with the two of you? 294 00:15:30,048 --> 00:15:32,217 You'd think I'd been found walking through the park 295 00:15:32,301 --> 00:15:34,261 in my underwear, talking to pigeons. 296 00:15:34,762 --> 00:15:37,891 -Would we like a walk in the park? -Oh, good God. 297 00:15:38,892 --> 00:15:41,092 All right, all right. Frasier, Frasier, wait. 298 00:15:41,186 --> 00:15:44,272 Hey, looking good, buddy. 299 00:15:45,982 --> 00:15:48,818 -Not any better, huh? -No, and I feel just awful. 300 00:15:48,985 --> 00:15:50,835 -This is all my fault. -Oh, come on. 301 00:15:50,987 --> 00:15:53,155 I'm the one who ruined his treasured collection. 302 00:15:53,239 --> 00:15:56,660 Oh, all his crap is treasured. 303 00:15:57,453 --> 00:16:01,081 But look, don't feel bad. I've broken lots of his stuff. 304 00:16:01,248 --> 00:16:03,459 I've never heard of you breaking anything. 305 00:16:03,626 --> 00:16:06,504 Well, that's because I know how to cover my tracks. 306 00:16:06,670 --> 00:16:10,299 Take a look at that fertility god statue over there. 307 00:16:10,466 --> 00:16:14,471 It used to be a lot more fertile, if you know what I mean. 308 00:16:17,808 --> 00:16:21,770 Oh, my God! This is a Tootsie Roll! 309 00:16:24,815 --> 00:16:26,815 -That's brilliant! -Oh, that's nothing. 310 00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:29,069 Here, check out this vase. 311 00:16:29,236 --> 00:16:31,195 Two years ago Eddie and I were horsing around. 312 00:16:31,279 --> 00:16:34,199 I knocked it over. It took me hours to glue it back together again. 313 00:16:34,283 --> 00:16:35,952 Why, you can't even tell. 314 00:16:36,118 --> 00:16:38,496 I had no idea you were so devious. 315 00:16:38,663 --> 00:16:41,039 Ha. Come on, I'll show you how to make ginger ale 316 00:16:41,123 --> 00:16:43,835 look like 50-year-old brandy. 317 00:16:44,919 --> 00:16:48,269 Listen, Niles, I appreciate your concern, I really do, but, frankly, 318 00:16:48,381 --> 00:16:51,092 I am in no mood to endure therapy with my younger brother, 319 00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:53,887 -no matter how well-intentioned. -I'm not trying to butt in, 320 00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:58,141 I'm just curious as to why this tape matters so much to you. 321 00:16:58,308 --> 00:16:59,708 Do you ever listen to these? 322 00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:01,770 Once. 323 00:17:02,437 --> 00:17:05,566 When I had a date over. 324 00:17:06,149 --> 00:17:09,946 It proved a useful mood-setter. 325 00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:13,032 Okay. 326 00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:15,951 Well, tell me this, then. 327 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,496 Do you ever intend to listen to any of the others? 328 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,290 I don't know. 329 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:24,669 So why is it so important to you to have each and every one of them? 330 00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:27,965 Because it's a collection, Niles. That's what a collection is. 331 00:17:28,132 --> 00:17:32,469 Is it possible that a harmless collection has become an unhealthy obsession? 332 00:17:32,845 --> 00:17:36,181 -It's… It's just a hobby, all right? -Or an obsession. 333 00:17:36,348 --> 00:17:38,517 -Yeah, an eccentricity. -Or an obsession. 334 00:17:38,684 --> 00:17:40,769 It, you know, it's a quirk. 335 00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:43,981 That's it. I'm quirky. I'm delightfully quirky. 336 00:17:45,317 --> 00:17:49,738 Do you realize that your delightful quirk has brought your life to a standstill? 337 00:17:49,905 --> 00:17:55,327 Niles, I've just finished my 2,000th show. 338 00:17:55,493 --> 00:18:00,457 I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. 339 00:18:00,624 --> 00:18:06,213 I believe that I am entitled to an entire weekend of doing nothing, 340 00:18:06,380 --> 00:18:08,215 don't you? 341 00:18:09,884 --> 00:18:13,012 You know, you have your pajamas on backwards. 342 00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:15,890 Another delightful quirk of mine. 343 00:18:16,057 --> 00:18:18,309 Not from where I'm sitting. 344 00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:22,731 Hey, Fras, the station called. Some guy has your tape. 345 00:18:23,982 --> 00:18:27,653 Oh, uh, well, thanks, Dad. 346 00:18:28,195 --> 00:18:32,908 Yes, well, uh, I'll tend to this by and by. 347 00:18:33,909 --> 00:18:36,745 -All right, I'll get the car. -I'll put on pants. 348 00:18:36,912 --> 00:18:39,081 Zipper goes in front! 349 00:18:40,625 --> 00:18:42,669 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 350 00:18:46,172 --> 00:18:48,007 -Hello. -Hello, yes, Dr. Crane. 351 00:18:48,174 --> 00:18:50,176 Please come in. Make yourself at home. 352 00:18:50,343 --> 00:18:51,511 You must be Tom. 353 00:18:51,678 --> 00:18:55,932 And you must be the greatest radio talk show host ever. 354 00:18:56,099 --> 00:18:59,144 Oh, ha, ha. You can call me Frasier. 355 00:18:59,311 --> 00:19:00,980 -I think I'll wait outside. -Oh. 356 00:19:01,772 --> 00:19:03,565 I didn't know you were bringing someone. 357 00:19:03,649 --> 00:19:06,151 Oh, Tom, uh, this is my brother, Niles. 358 00:19:06,318 --> 00:19:07,361 -Oh. -Hello, Tom. 359 00:19:07,528 --> 00:19:11,699 Hi. Yes. Yeah, didn't you, uh, fill in on Frasier's show a couple of times? 360 00:19:11,865 --> 00:19:13,325 Oh, yes, actually I did. 361 00:19:13,492 --> 00:19:15,744 Yeah, yeah, you were… You were all right. 362 00:19:15,912 --> 00:19:20,583 -Oh, well, you flatter me. -Huh. So, what's it like? 363 00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:23,753 -Excuse me? -Being Frasier Crane's brother. 364 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,796 Being able to talk to him any time you want, 365 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,633 having access to that great mind 24 hours a day? 366 00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:33,763 -You know, I think I left my lights on. -No, no, no, please don't leave yet. 367 00:19:33,930 --> 00:19:35,223 Please. If you don't mind, 368 00:19:35,307 --> 00:19:37,851 I was hoping that you would take a picture of Frasier and I. 369 00:19:37,935 --> 00:19:39,854 Well, uh, of course he doesn't mind. 370 00:19:40,021 --> 00:19:44,275 Uh, actually, I even brought along an eight-by-ten photo, ha, ha. 371 00:19:44,442 --> 00:19:47,528 Personalized, of course. There we are. 372 00:19:47,695 --> 00:19:49,655 Oh, my, that's… 373 00:19:50,072 --> 00:19:53,076 -That's really… I don't know… -Well, I thought you might like that. 374 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:56,163 Yes, I'll… I'll… I'll have to do some rearranging, 375 00:19:56,329 --> 00:20:00,208 but… But don't worry, I'll find some room for it somewhere. 376 00:20:05,589 --> 00:20:07,507 I, uh, thought that was a window. 377 00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:09,509 Yes, well, it was. 378 00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:12,764 Okay, I'm gonna go get the camera. 379 00:20:13,681 --> 00:20:17,393 Frasier, this man is deeply disturbed. 380 00:20:17,977 --> 00:20:20,938 Why? Because he has a few pictures of me on his wall? 381 00:20:21,105 --> 00:20:22,148 [TELEPHONE RINGING] 382 00:20:22,315 --> 00:20:23,983 The man is obviously obsessed with you. 383 00:20:24,067 --> 00:20:26,360 Oh, what is it with you? I'm obsessed, he's obsessed. 384 00:20:26,444 --> 00:20:28,863 I think you're the one who's obsessed with being obsessed. 385 00:20:28,947 --> 00:20:31,909 Okay, I apologize. He's delightfully quirky. 386 00:20:33,869 --> 00:20:37,414 FRASIER [ON MACHINE]: Go ahead, caller, I'm listening. 387 00:20:37,581 --> 00:20:39,165 WOMAN [ON MACHINE]: This is your mother. 388 00:20:39,249 --> 00:20:41,459 Call me, and change that stupid message already. 389 00:20:41,543 --> 00:20:43,921 Oh, Mom, get a life why don't you. 390 00:20:44,088 --> 00:20:45,547 Okay, here we go. 391 00:20:45,714 --> 00:20:47,758 Now, I want to record this historic moment, 392 00:20:47,842 --> 00:20:49,552 because I don't want to wake up tomorrow 393 00:20:49,636 --> 00:20:51,637 and find out that this was all part of a dream. 394 00:20:51,721 --> 00:20:54,390 -All right. -Because I've had this dream before. 395 00:20:54,557 --> 00:20:56,142 Many times. 396 00:20:56,309 --> 00:20:58,103 Sometimes we're in London, 397 00:20:58,269 --> 00:20:59,896 sometimes we're in Paris, 398 00:21:00,063 --> 00:21:04,275 sometimes we're riding mules down the Grand Canyon. 399 00:21:04,442 --> 00:21:05,820 Oh, my God! 400 00:21:05,986 --> 00:21:07,863 This is gonna be the jewel of my collection. 401 00:21:07,947 --> 00:21:09,531 I'm gonna get a special frame for it, 402 00:21:09,615 --> 00:21:12,367 and I'm gonna look at it while I'm listening to the show, and I… 403 00:21:12,451 --> 00:21:15,955 Oh, wait a minute. Oh, listen, uh, uh, Frasier's brother, 404 00:21:16,122 --> 00:21:18,958 um, your thumb was in front of the lens. 405 00:21:19,125 --> 00:21:20,625 If you don't mind, just one more. 406 00:21:20,709 --> 00:21:22,669 And you know what? Bring that chair closer. 407 00:21:22,753 --> 00:21:25,757 Come over here for a second. Just sit here. Just like that. 408 00:21:25,924 --> 00:21:27,842 This is gonna be great. Okay, sit here, 409 00:21:27,926 --> 00:21:31,012 and this time why don't you act like you're giving me advice? 410 00:21:31,972 --> 00:21:34,224 Right. All right, uh, Tom, well, you know, 411 00:21:34,391 --> 00:21:38,603 I was just wondering, um, have you ever called into the show? 412 00:21:38,979 --> 00:21:41,607 Me? Why would I call the show? 413 00:21:43,401 --> 00:21:45,820 Oh! Did your head just touch that? 414 00:21:45,987 --> 00:21:48,823 -Yes. I'm sorry. -Don't be. 415 00:21:51,367 --> 00:21:52,702 Oh. 416 00:21:52,869 --> 00:21:54,912 So, uh, Tom, 417 00:21:55,079 --> 00:21:59,793 I take it you've been listening to the show for some time. 418 00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,628 Oh, are you kidding? 419 00:22:01,795 --> 00:22:03,338 From day one. 420 00:22:03,505 --> 00:22:06,341 I got so hooked that eventually I started taping them 421 00:22:06,508 --> 00:22:08,177 so that I didn't miss anything. 422 00:22:08,343 --> 00:22:10,193 I even was skipping out of work early 423 00:22:10,304 --> 00:22:12,263 so I could make sure to be home in time. 424 00:22:12,347 --> 00:22:13,682 So, in a way, Tom, 425 00:22:13,849 --> 00:22:17,603 you could say that your obsession with your collection 426 00:22:17,769 --> 00:22:20,231 was bringing your life to a standstill. 427 00:22:20,398 --> 00:22:22,066 Yes. Yes, exactly. 428 00:22:22,233 --> 00:22:24,736 Until I realized how ridiculous I was being. 429 00:22:24,903 --> 00:22:27,822 I mean, missing work to… To tape the show. 430 00:22:27,989 --> 00:22:29,782 Oh, good for you, Tom. 431 00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:34,162 So you could say that, uh, it is possible to have a passion for collecting 432 00:22:34,329 --> 00:22:36,329 without losing sight of your priorities. 433 00:22:36,457 --> 00:22:39,877 Yes, exactly. And… And that's why I quit my job. 434 00:22:40,044 --> 00:22:43,047 Oh, this turned out really nice. 435 00:22:43,214 --> 00:22:45,758 And, you know, eventually the money ran out, 436 00:22:45,925 --> 00:22:48,302 so I got a gig as a night doorman. 437 00:22:48,469 --> 00:22:50,346 And that way I could, uh… 438 00:22:50,512 --> 00:22:52,430 Oh. I could, you know, uh, listen to the show 439 00:22:52,514 --> 00:22:54,768 a second time on my Walkman, 440 00:22:54,935 --> 00:22:57,520 and then I could do my transcriptions at work. 441 00:22:58,438 --> 00:23:04,027 -You transcribe the show? -Well, you gotta have a backup. 442 00:23:05,654 --> 00:23:07,864 Uh, listen, Tom, you know, I must confess, 443 00:23:08,031 --> 00:23:10,659 I'm a… I'm a bit concerned. Um. 444 00:23:11,701 --> 00:23:15,081 I'm delighted to have you as a fan. I really am, 445 00:23:15,248 --> 00:23:19,252 but the whole purpose of my show is to help people 446 00:23:19,418 --> 00:23:22,004 live better lives, 447 00:23:22,171 --> 00:23:24,507 and I'm afraid that I've hurt yours. 448 00:23:25,132 --> 00:23:26,425 I just… 449 00:23:26,592 --> 00:23:30,388 There should be more to… To life than… 450 00:23:31,431 --> 00:23:32,641 There should be more. 451 00:23:32,808 --> 00:23:35,018 Yes, but as you always say, 452 00:23:35,185 --> 00:23:39,398 life is most fulfilling when spent in the pursuit of one's passions. 453 00:23:39,564 --> 00:23:41,608 Yes, but as I've also said, 454 00:23:41,775 --> 00:23:47,614 weave the tapestry of your life with many diverse threads. 455 00:23:47,781 --> 00:23:49,826 Ah, yes, but you added, 456 00:23:49,993 --> 00:23:55,164 make sure to weave the pattern that pleases you most. 457 00:23:56,958 --> 00:24:00,336 Weave the tapestry with diverse threads? 458 00:24:00,503 --> 00:24:04,924 Yes. Frasier said all of these things, and many others. 459 00:24:05,091 --> 00:24:07,303 He is a genius. 460 00:24:07,469 --> 00:24:09,930 Would you like some guacamole? 461 00:24:10,723 --> 00:24:13,142 -Uh, yeah, sure. Uh. -Thank you. 462 00:24:13,642 --> 00:24:17,521 Thanks, Tom. Listen, I'm… I'm just, uh, thinking. Um. 463 00:24:17,688 --> 00:24:19,606 I don't really want to talk you into anything. 464 00:24:19,690 --> 00:24:23,068 It seems I've done enough of that already. I, uh… 465 00:24:24,611 --> 00:24:26,489 Thank you. 466 00:24:27,073 --> 00:24:30,201 Tom, what I'm getting at here is, 467 00:24:30,368 --> 00:24:33,705 I think there could be more to your life 468 00:24:33,872 --> 00:24:38,960 than just my tapes and pictures. 469 00:24:39,127 --> 00:24:43,298 Now, if you'd be interested in exploring those issues further, 470 00:24:43,466 --> 00:24:46,802 I can recommend someone who would be glad to talk with you. 471 00:24:46,969 --> 00:24:51,515 -[MOUTHING] Not me. Not me. -Why? I have you. 472 00:24:55,644 --> 00:24:57,313 Thank you. 473 00:24:58,939 --> 00:25:01,489 Well, you know, I… I think it's time we got going. 474 00:25:01,651 --> 00:25:03,111 Oh, no, so soon? 475 00:25:03,278 --> 00:25:04,862 Oh, well, I suppose someone like you 476 00:25:04,946 --> 00:25:06,781 probably has a lot of things they gotta do. 477 00:25:06,865 --> 00:25:08,700 -Right. -I'm glad you could come at all. 478 00:25:08,784 --> 00:25:11,703 Please, you know, stop by any time you want. 479 00:25:11,870 --> 00:25:14,331 Thank you, Tom, and it was a pleasure. 480 00:25:14,498 --> 00:25:17,125 Oh, don't forget your tape. 481 00:25:19,461 --> 00:25:21,422 You know, Tom, 482 00:25:21,589 --> 00:25:22,965 I'd like you to keep that. 483 00:25:23,132 --> 00:25:25,259 But this is the reason you came. 484 00:25:25,968 --> 00:25:28,221 If I ever need it, 485 00:25:28,388 --> 00:25:29,889 I'll know where to find it. 486 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,146 Um… 487 00:25:37,313 --> 00:25:40,359 You know those shows where I sat in for Frasier? 488 00:25:42,611 --> 00:25:45,197 You wouldn't happen to have those tapes, would you? 489 00:25:45,364 --> 00:25:48,325 Sorry, I… I don't collect just anything. 490 00:25:54,748 --> 00:25:58,336 Hey, there he is. Did you get your tape back? 491 00:25:58,503 --> 00:25:59,963 Actually, no, I didn't. 492 00:26:00,130 --> 00:26:01,756 What happened? 493 00:26:02,132 --> 00:26:04,050 Daphne 494 00:26:05,051 --> 00:26:07,345 tonight I saw an example 495 00:26:08,138 --> 00:26:11,808 of how an obsession can take over a man's life. 496 00:26:13,059 --> 00:26:15,521 I don't want to be that man. 497 00:26:16,105 --> 00:26:21,444 Therefore, I chose to leave it and render my collection imperfect. 498 00:26:21,944 --> 00:26:23,863 But that's all right. You see, 499 00:26:24,488 --> 00:26:27,158 I don't need things to be perfect. 500 00:26:30,536 --> 00:26:32,371 Hello. 501 00:26:34,958 --> 00:26:37,043 Something's amiss. 502 00:26:38,003 --> 00:26:39,129 [GASPS] 503 00:26:39,296 --> 00:26:42,174 My double-handled amphora! 504 00:26:42,340 --> 00:26:44,843 All right, no one leaves!