1
00:00:16,661 --> 00:00:18,621
I love it when he plays the piano.
2
00:00:18,705 --> 00:00:20,666
No matter how gloomy it is outside,
3
00:00:20,750 --> 00:00:22,836
it makes everything
seem a little brighter.
4
00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:26,425
I feel the same way about bacon.
5
00:00:26,509 --> 00:00:28,678
DAPHNE: You're so lucky to be musical.
6
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:31,599
I'd give my right hand to be able
to play the piano the way you do.
7
00:00:31,683 --> 00:00:34,062
Hmm, sounds a bit like O.
Henry meets Stephen King.
8
00:00:34,146 --> 00:00:37,232
But still, if you're serious, I'd
be willing to give you lessons.
9
00:00:37,316 --> 00:00:38,693
I'd love that.
10
00:00:38,777 --> 00:00:40,696
I've wanted to play
ever since I was little,
11
00:00:40,780 --> 00:00:44,077
and my family would sing rugby
songs after my brothers' matches.
12
00:00:44,161 --> 00:00:47,122
I can still see them all
muddied and bloodied,
13
00:00:47,206 --> 00:00:49,460
belting out songs like "The Old She-Crab"
14
00:00:49,544 --> 00:00:51,087
and "I Like a Moose."
15
00:00:52,256 --> 00:00:54,133
Once, one of Michael's teeth fell out
16
00:00:54,217 --> 00:00:57,389
right in the middle of "Four Old Whores."
17
00:00:58,348 --> 00:01:00,559
MARTIN: Hey, Fras, how
was your date last night?
18
00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:03,231
I'm having breakfast with you.
You do the math.
19
00:01:03,315 --> 00:01:05,567
-Ahem, coffee?
-FRASIER: Please, thank you, Niles.
20
00:01:05,651 --> 00:01:07,529
Well, here's something
that'll cheer you up.
21
00:01:07,613 --> 00:01:10,533
Eight years ago today I moved in with you.
22
00:01:10,617 --> 00:01:12,369
-Eight years? Ha, ha.
-MARTIN: Ha, ha.
23
00:01:12,453 --> 00:01:14,706
-Are you sure?
-This is quite an anniversary.
24
00:01:14,790 --> 00:01:16,709
You weren't even with
Lilith for eight years.
25
00:01:16,793 --> 00:01:19,004
Please, Niles, I hardly
think it's the same thing.
26
00:01:19,088 --> 00:01:21,091
It's not that different.
If you were a woman,
27
00:01:21,175 --> 00:01:22,718
you'd be his common-law wife by now.
28
00:01:22,802 --> 00:01:25,973
-Oh, well, now I don't think that's…
-DAPHNE: And think about this.
29
00:01:26,057 --> 00:01:27,809
If that date had been the perfect woman,
30
00:01:27,893 --> 00:01:31,189
you'd still have to be with her
nine years before you overtook him.
31
00:01:31,273 --> 00:01:33,776
Yes, and actually, if you add the 18 years
32
00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:37,699
he spent at home prior to college,
well, they've been together 26 years.
33
00:01:38,284 --> 00:01:40,120
So we just missed our silver anniversary?
34
00:01:40,204 --> 00:01:41,789
-All right.
-Yes, but good news,
35
00:01:41,873 --> 00:01:44,543
your 30th is pearl. Ha, ha.
36
00:01:44,627 --> 00:01:46,796
Well, I think it's a
remarkable accomplishment.
37
00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,634
Happy anniversary, Dr. and Mr. Crane.
38
00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:51,637
-NILES: Yes, here, here.
-Ha, ha.
39
00:01:51,721 --> 00:01:53,391
NILES: Oh, here.
40
00:01:56,687 --> 00:01:58,898
I'm so sorry it didn't work
out with Lucy last night.
41
00:01:58,982 --> 00:02:02,862
But don't worry. I have tons
of other friends better than her.
42
00:02:03,406 --> 00:02:04,615
Well,
43
00:02:04,699 --> 00:02:08,121
thanks for starting at the
bottom and working your way up.
44
00:02:08,746 --> 00:02:10,207
-Hey, Roz. Dr. Crane.
-FRASIER: Oh.
45
00:02:10,291 --> 00:02:12,920
-Hi, Daph. Hello, Dad.
-Oh, hey, Daphne.
46
00:02:13,004 --> 00:02:14,546
What, are you taking piano lessons?
47
00:02:14,630 --> 00:02:16,216
Yeah, Niles is gonna teach me.
48
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:18,887
I'm so jealous.
I've always wanted to learn to play.
49
00:02:18,971 --> 00:02:21,349
-Well, why don't you sit in with us?
-Really?
50
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:24,186
-Well, do you think Niles would mind?
-Of course not.
51
00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:27,191
And even if he does, he's
so polite you'll never know.
52
00:02:27,275 --> 00:02:29,861
Hi. I'd like to tell you about
our new frozen coffee drink,
53
00:02:29,945 --> 00:02:31,322
The Caffalanche.
54
00:02:31,406 --> 00:02:32,699
It comes in three flavors.
55
00:02:32,783 --> 00:02:36,580
Frosty Coffee, So Cocoa-Cold
56
00:02:36,664 --> 00:02:39,459
and Chill a-in-Vanilla.
57
00:02:39,543 --> 00:02:41,462
-I'll try the So Cocoa-Cold.
-FRASIER: Ha, ha.
58
00:02:41,546 --> 00:02:42,965
Uh, black coffee, thanks.
59
00:02:44,343 --> 00:02:46,887
-I hate what's happened to coffee.
-Dad.
60
00:02:46,971 --> 00:02:48,765
Well, I'm just saying, I'm a regular joe,
61
00:02:48,849 --> 00:02:51,394
-I like my joe regular.
-I like my joe regular. I know.
62
00:02:51,478 --> 00:02:53,940
What's wrong with plain, old
coffee, the way God made it?
63
00:02:54,024 --> 00:02:55,149
FRASIER: Nothing.
64
00:02:55,233 --> 00:02:58,530
What is wrong, is subjecting me
to the same shopworn bellyaching
65
00:02:58,614 --> 00:03:00,074
every time you come in here.
66
00:03:00,158 --> 00:03:02,703
Well, excuse me for having
an opinion you don't agree with.
67
00:03:02,787 --> 00:03:05,165
I thought this was America.
68
00:03:05,249 --> 00:03:07,586
Oh, look, it is.
69
00:03:08,587 --> 00:03:11,175
I'm gonna get my coffee to go.
70
00:03:11,926 --> 00:03:13,928
That was a bit harsh, Dr. Crane.
71
00:03:14,012 --> 00:03:15,556
Eight years of the same complaints
72
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:17,475
about the same things in the same places.
73
00:03:17,559 --> 00:03:20,772
And I'll say, sometimes I think
he does it just to antagonize me.
74
00:03:20,856 --> 00:03:24,027
Just like an old married couple.
75
00:03:24,111 --> 00:03:25,279
It's cute, isn't it?
76
00:03:25,363 --> 00:03:26,865
Well, I got my black coffee.
77
00:03:26,949 --> 00:03:29,535
Of course, it was more expensive
than a whole meal used to be.
78
00:03:29,619 --> 00:03:33,166
Time was, you could get two eggs,
potatoes, choice of breakfast meat…
79
00:03:33,250 --> 00:03:36,129
And still get change back from the nickel.
80
00:03:37,631 --> 00:03:39,050
Will you just take your coffee.
81
00:03:39,134 --> 00:03:41,219
See how he talks to me?
82
00:03:41,303 --> 00:03:44,350
-And on our anniversary too.
-FRASIER: Oh.
83
00:03:47,521 --> 00:03:50,359
NILES: Now, I want you to position
your hands over the keyboard.
84
00:03:50,443 --> 00:03:54,031
Fingers relaxed, elbows loose. Good.
85
00:03:54,115 --> 00:03:56,576
Okay, and shoulders low.
Good, good. How are we doing?
86
00:03:56,660 --> 00:03:59,121
-Fine.
-Okay, I guess.
87
00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:00,832
When do we get to press on the keys?
88
00:04:00,916 --> 00:04:02,543
Whoa, whoa.
89
00:04:02,627 --> 00:04:03,879
We have a lot to learn first.
90
00:04:03,963 --> 00:04:06,132
It could be weeks before
we press down on the keys.
91
00:04:06,216 --> 00:04:07,718
I want to play a song.
92
00:04:07,802 --> 00:04:09,596
Yeah, isn't that why we're here?
93
00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:11,599
Well, all in due time. Here, wait.
94
00:04:11,683 --> 00:04:13,977
Just watch my hands while I play a scale.
Watch this.
95
00:04:14,061 --> 00:04:16,523
[PLAYING SCALE]
96
00:04:16,607 --> 00:04:18,150
FRASIER: Pardon me, Niles,
97
00:04:18,234 --> 00:04:20,195
there was a program I planned on watching.
98
00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:22,908
Oh, of course. Uh, we'll continue
the lesson in Daphne's room.
99
00:04:22,992 --> 00:04:24,744
How can we learn without a piano?
100
00:04:24,828 --> 00:04:29,001
With these workbooks
and a box of adhesive stars.
101
00:04:33,716 --> 00:04:35,385
MAN [ON TV]: It would seem as though…
102
00:04:35,469 --> 00:04:38,516
Brr, that guy sure looks cold.
103
00:04:39,266 --> 00:04:41,019
What are we watching?
104
00:04:41,770 --> 00:04:45,400
I'm watching Lost on a Mountain.
105
00:04:45,484 --> 00:04:46,652
Ah…
106
00:04:46,736 --> 00:04:48,864
It is not remarkable that Everest…
107
00:04:50,242 --> 00:04:51,660
That the mountain?
108
00:04:53,287 --> 00:04:55,165
Yes.
109
00:04:56,167 --> 00:04:58,337
Well, they sure don't look lost.
110
00:05:00,465 --> 00:05:02,176
That's the search party.
111
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,887
Oh.
112
00:05:06,599 --> 00:05:07,851
So who's lost?
113
00:05:07,935 --> 00:05:09,979
Apparently you are.
114
00:05:10,063 --> 00:05:12,316
If you don't stop
interrupting, I will be too.
115
00:05:24,251 --> 00:05:26,128
...nine climbers from
four different countries
116
00:05:26,212 --> 00:05:28,173
have come to the summit.
117
00:05:28,257 --> 00:05:30,928
They knew an approaching storm
might well hamper their efforts,
118
00:05:31,012 --> 00:05:33,807
but were determined to
press forward nonetheless.
119
00:05:37,396 --> 00:05:39,024
[MUMBLES] Pretzel?
120
00:05:42,487 --> 00:05:43,571
[CHAIR SCREECHES]
121
00:05:43,655 --> 00:05:46,243
-Do you mind?
-[MUMBLES] I'm sorry.
122
00:05:48,288 --> 00:05:50,916
...but ascending Everest
is only half the journey.
123
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,253
The journey back down the mountain…
124
00:05:55,214 --> 00:05:56,717
[CHAIR SCREECHES]
125
00:06:02,809 --> 00:06:03,978
[CHAIR SCREECHES]
126
00:06:06,482 --> 00:06:08,068
[CHAIR SCREECHES]
127
00:06:16,372 --> 00:06:20,002
Still, he felt he had little choice
but to participate in the effort.
128
00:06:20,086 --> 00:06:21,880
-[CHAIR SCREECHES]
-Oh, that's it, Dad!
129
00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:24,466
Is there nothing you do that
doesn't create some cacophony?
130
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:27,263
Well, I didn't do it on purpose.
I was trying to be considerate.
131
00:06:27,347 --> 00:06:29,308
If you were, you would
have oiled that chair
132
00:06:29,392 --> 00:06:31,060
when it began squeaking five years ago.
133
00:06:31,144 --> 00:06:34,273
Boy, I don't know what's got into
you but you've been a real jerk lately.
134
00:06:34,357 --> 00:06:36,107
You should watch TV somewhere else.
135
00:06:37,278 --> 00:06:40,282
I should go elsewhere? I?
136
00:06:40,366 --> 00:06:41,576
Just what do you suggest?
137
00:06:41,660 --> 00:06:45,165
That I find, uh, a documentary
bar and watch it on their big screen?
138
00:06:46,291 --> 00:06:48,503
You know what?
I am just going to go take a talk.
139
00:06:48,587 --> 00:06:50,506
Leave you with the television.
140
00:06:50,590 --> 00:06:51,883
You enjoy yourself.
141
00:06:51,967 --> 00:06:54,430
Good day.
142
00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:58,310
[DOOR SLAMS]
143
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:04,028
I wish you would stop
hanging your coat on my peg!
144
00:07:05,487 --> 00:07:07,573
-NILES: Dad?
-MARTIN: Down here.
145
00:07:07,657 --> 00:07:09,786
Oh, my God, Dad.
146
00:07:11,246 --> 00:07:12,456
Oh, I thought you'd capsized.
147
00:07:12,540 --> 00:07:15,251
No, I was oiling my chair.
148
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,881
The squeaking was bugging Frasier.
149
00:07:17,965 --> 00:07:19,091
[NILES GASPS]
150
00:07:19,175 --> 00:07:21,595
The carpet is a whole
shade lighter under there.
151
00:07:21,679 --> 00:07:24,265
Oh. Except for those little
black dots you just made.
152
00:07:24,349 --> 00:07:25,601
Oh, shoot.
153
00:07:25,685 --> 00:07:27,270
-I better get a towel.
-I'll get it.
154
00:07:27,354 --> 00:07:29,441
No, it's all right. I'll get it. Oh!
155
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,694
-Oh, my God.
-Ah! I'll get something
156
00:07:31,778 --> 00:07:33,781
to pick up the grease and clean it up.
157
00:07:34,406 --> 00:07:36,575
MARTIN: Oh, my God.
158
00:07:36,659 --> 00:07:37,869
What the hell's happened?
159
00:07:37,953 --> 00:07:40,123
Now, don't get upset.
I was oiling my chair,
160
00:07:40,207 --> 00:07:42,627
trying to get rid of the
squeak, and I had a little spill.
161
00:07:42,711 --> 00:07:44,964
Little spill?
I just had this carpet cleaned!
162
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:48,594
-I'm sorry, it was an accident.
-Sure, Dad. It was an accident.
163
00:07:48,678 --> 00:07:50,431
It was an accident. I saw him step on it.
164
00:07:50,515 --> 00:07:53,143
Niles, you know as well as
I do, there are no accidents.
165
00:07:53,227 --> 00:07:54,729
Just admit it, Dad.
166
00:07:54,813 --> 00:07:57,399
Your hostility toward me has
been building through the years,
167
00:07:57,483 --> 00:08:00,863
little by little, until you have
finally struck the Achilles' heel
168
00:08:00,947 --> 00:08:03,742
of my décor, the Berber carpet.
169
00:08:04,619 --> 00:08:06,955
I did not do this on purpose.
170
00:08:07,039 --> 00:08:11,003
No? Then I suggest you dig
deep into the twisted caves
171
00:08:11,087 --> 00:08:12,255
of your subconscious,
172
00:08:12,339 --> 00:08:13,924
where malicious acts abide,
173
00:08:14,008 --> 00:08:16,803
clothed in the robes of plausible excuses!
174
00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:19,098
[SHOUTING] For the last
time, this was not malicious!
175
00:08:19,182 --> 00:08:20,309
It was an accident!
176
00:08:20,393 --> 00:08:22,979
-I don't think you know the difference!
-Yes, I do!
177
00:08:23,063 --> 00:08:24,899
That was an accident!
178
00:08:24,983 --> 00:08:27,571
This is malicious!
179
00:08:34,831 --> 00:08:36,374
NILES: What color is the new carpet?
180
00:08:36,458 --> 00:08:41,341
I'm going up a shade to harvest wheat.
181
00:08:41,425 --> 00:08:43,094
I thought the next shade up was buff.
182
00:08:43,178 --> 00:08:47,058
It used to be but they've discovered
a whole new color in between.
183
00:08:48,018 --> 00:08:51,356
So now it's: tofu, putty, oatmeal,
184
00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:52,608
-almond,
-almond,
185
00:08:52,692 --> 00:08:54,444
-harvest wheat,
-harvest wheat,
186
00:08:54,528 --> 00:08:56,573
-and buff.
-buff.
187
00:08:57,782 --> 00:08:59,660
That's going to be hard to get used to.
188
00:08:59,744 --> 00:09:01,079
Hmm.
189
00:09:01,163 --> 00:09:02,373
Where's Daphne?
190
00:09:02,457 --> 00:09:04,126
Oh, she's out taking a walk with Dad.
191
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,420
An extra-long walk.
192
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:08,340
Things have been a
little tense around here
193
00:09:08,424 --> 00:09:10,969
since the quote-unquote accident.
194
00:09:11,053 --> 00:09:12,138
It was an accident.
195
00:09:12,222 --> 00:09:13,473
Well, maybe.
196
00:09:14,058 --> 00:09:15,685
But don't you think the man should work
197
00:09:15,769 --> 00:09:18,438
on some of his unresolved anger toward me?
198
00:09:18,522 --> 00:09:20,817
NILES: if you're asking
me to choose sides,
199
00:09:20,901 --> 00:09:22,236
I'm not going to do it.
200
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:26,868
The man just brings
such hostility into the room.
201
00:09:27,787 --> 00:09:28,829
[FRASIER SIGHS]
202
00:09:29,456 --> 00:09:30,915
Thank you.
203
00:09:30,999 --> 00:09:33,254
You know, I've been thinking of, uh,
204
00:09:34,421 --> 00:09:36,049
sending him someplace.
205
00:09:36,675 --> 00:09:38,177
Like to a resort?
206
00:09:38,261 --> 00:09:40,221
Like to live with you.
207
00:09:40,305 --> 00:09:42,392
Oh, yes, the last resort.
208
00:09:44,436 --> 00:09:46,480
Making Dad move does
not solve your problem,
209
00:09:46,564 --> 00:09:47,649
it simply avoids it.
210
00:09:47,733 --> 00:09:50,528
Don't start preaching to me.
You've been avoiding him eight years.
211
00:09:50,612 --> 00:09:53,450
-I refuse to discuss this.
-And I refuse your refusal.
212
00:09:53,534 --> 00:09:54,744
Is something burning?
213
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:57,873
-It smells like it.
-Are you cooking?
214
00:09:57,957 --> 00:10:00,252
And what is that supposed to mean?
215
00:10:01,337 --> 00:10:03,215
Oh, dear God, the chair!
216
00:10:03,299 --> 00:10:06,052
Oh, my God! Oh, here, Niles,
Niles, hand me this drop cloth here.
217
00:10:06,136 --> 00:10:08,598
-I'll smother it.
-All right, all right now, be careful.
218
00:10:08,682 --> 00:10:10,935
-NILES: Quickly, quickly.
-Yeah, all right. Just…
219
00:10:11,019 --> 00:10:12,729
-Oh, look out below!
-Look out!
220
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,523
-My God!
-Dr. Crane's moods
221
00:10:14,607 --> 00:10:18,780
never last long.
I'm sure we've seen the worst of it.
222
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:28,294
-What do we do? What do we say?
-All right, calm down.
223
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,256
The important thing
is it didn't hit anyone.
224
00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:32,425
At least we have that.
But how do we explain this?
225
00:10:32,509 --> 00:10:35,430
We just tell them what happened
as clearly and rationally as possible.
226
00:10:35,514 --> 00:10:37,267
Right, right. Rational.
227
00:10:37,851 --> 00:10:41,022
[SHOUTING] Oh, my God,
did you feel that earthquake?
228
00:10:41,106 --> 00:10:42,482
[SHOUTING] What the hell happened?
229
00:10:42,566 --> 00:10:45,821
-Where's Daphne?
-She's down cleaning up the mess!
230
00:10:45,905 --> 00:10:47,573
Dad, I can explain.
231
00:10:47,657 --> 00:10:49,660
You threw my chair off the balcony?
232
00:10:49,744 --> 00:10:51,538
I'm so sorry. Just hear me out.
233
00:10:51,622 --> 00:10:53,124
-You crazy?
-I didn't mean to.
234
00:10:53,208 --> 00:10:55,877
Forget what it means to me,
you could've killed someone.
235
00:10:55,961 --> 00:11:00,342
-It was an accident!
-You said there are no accidents!
236
00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:01,553
Clearly I was wrong.
237
00:11:01,637 --> 00:11:03,681
I mean, why on earth
would I do such a thing?
238
00:11:03,765 --> 00:11:08,105
Because you've always
been gunning for that chair.
239
00:11:09,982 --> 00:11:12,194
I accidentally stain your carpet
240
00:11:12,278 --> 00:11:15,532
and you set fire to the one thing
in this apartment I care about
241
00:11:15,616 --> 00:11:18,413
and heave it out into the street!
242
00:11:19,247 --> 00:11:20,790
Dad, I am so sorry.
243
00:11:20,874 --> 00:11:22,001
I didn't mean to.
244
00:11:22,085 --> 00:11:23,294
Please, forgive me.
245
00:11:23,378 --> 00:11:25,923
-I'll buy you another chair.
-Ah, don't do me any favors.
246
00:11:26,007 --> 00:11:27,258
Please, Dad.
247
00:11:27,342 --> 00:11:29,386
I know you're angry right
now and that's normal.
248
00:11:29,470 --> 00:11:31,097
The healthiest thing you can do…
249
00:11:31,181 --> 00:11:33,281
Wanna know the
healthiest thing you can do?
250
00:11:33,644 --> 00:11:34,728
Shut my yap?
251
00:11:34,812 --> 00:11:36,064
Bingo!
252
00:11:43,409 --> 00:11:45,453
NILES: Yes. Yes.
253
00:11:45,537 --> 00:11:47,664
Yes. No.
254
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,209
I don't like this exercise.
255
00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:51,504
-It's too hard.
-No, no, no, you're doing fine.
256
00:11:51,588 --> 00:11:53,688
You just have to loosen up. I'll show you.
257
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:57,054
See? It's just a little finger exercise.
258
00:11:57,138 --> 00:12:01,310
-I know another little finger exercise.
-Ha, ha.
259
00:12:01,394 --> 00:12:02,979
Daphne, you're not paying attention.
260
00:12:03,063 --> 00:12:04,440
Oh, yes, I am.
261
00:12:05,275 --> 00:12:07,986
Why don't we just cancel the
lesson and spend the day together?
262
00:12:08,070 --> 00:12:10,908
[STAMMERS] What kind of
teacher would I be if I did that?
263
00:12:10,992 --> 00:12:12,661
Oh, that's right.
264
00:12:12,745 --> 00:12:14,037
You're the teacher
265
00:12:14,121 --> 00:12:18,128
and I'm the naughty student
who wouldn't do her homework.
266
00:12:25,347 --> 00:12:26,890
[DOORBELL RINGS]
267
00:12:26,974 --> 00:12:30,146
Oh, that'll be Roz.
268
00:12:31,397 --> 00:12:32,649
[NILES SIGHS]
269
00:12:32,733 --> 00:12:34,528
Could you get that?
270
00:12:40,912 --> 00:12:42,247
-DAPHNE: Hey, Roz.
-Hey, Daphne.
271
00:12:42,331 --> 00:12:45,670
-Hey, Roz. How'd it go this week?
-ROZ: Niles.
272
00:12:47,088 --> 00:12:49,551
Okay, I guess.
273
00:12:50,677 --> 00:12:53,598
-But those exercises aren't easy.
-See?
274
00:12:53,682 --> 00:12:56,560
All right, look, if I'm going too
fast, we'll make some adjustments.
275
00:12:56,644 --> 00:12:59,940
I guess just do the best you can.
276
00:13:00,024 --> 00:13:01,568
[ROZ SIGHS]
277
00:13:01,652 --> 00:13:03,196
[ROZ CLEARS THROAT]
278
00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:11,124
-That's great!
-Ow.
279
00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:13,628
-NILES: All right, do it again.
-[ROZ CLEARS THROAT]
280
00:13:19,137 --> 00:13:21,389
You see, Daphne, that's a song.
281
00:13:21,473 --> 00:13:23,851
You said we weren't
going to be playing songs.
282
00:13:23,935 --> 00:13:26,231
Wait, wait, now go down.
283
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:29,485
Yes, good.
284
00:13:29,569 --> 00:13:32,698
Oh, my God, this is so cool.
285
00:13:32,782 --> 00:13:33,992
I want to play a song.
286
00:13:34,076 --> 00:13:35,452
NILES: Well…
287
00:13:35,536 --> 00:13:38,040
And you will, Daphne, as soon
as you master your exercises.
288
00:13:38,124 --> 00:13:41,224
You know, why don't you try
playing along on your practice pad?
289
00:13:51,311 --> 00:13:53,272
Oh, shoot.
290
00:13:57,695 --> 00:13:59,990
Hello, Niles.
291
00:14:00,074 --> 00:14:02,368
Hey, Dad. Um, taking Eddie for a walk?
292
00:14:02,452 --> 00:14:04,538
Yeah, I was afraid if I left him home,
293
00:14:04,622 --> 00:14:08,378
Frasier would set him on fire
and throw him off the balcony.
294
00:14:10,130 --> 00:14:11,591
You see what I'm putting up with?
295
00:14:11,675 --> 00:14:13,969
-Are you gonna let this go on forever?
-Me?
296
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:16,306
He keeps insisting I was
lashing out deliberately,
297
00:14:16,390 --> 00:14:19,490
which I was not, although God
knows it would've been justified.
298
00:14:19,853 --> 00:14:21,647
What, because of the oil?
299
00:14:21,731 --> 00:14:25,570
This is a lot deeper and a lot
darker than oil and you know it.
300
00:14:25,654 --> 00:14:27,698
The man will not get off my back.
301
00:14:27,782 --> 00:14:30,369
Seems to me you've been giving
as good as you've been getting.
302
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:32,497
Please.
Ever since our so-called anniversary,
303
00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:34,626
-he keeps insisting on…
-NILES: Whoa, whoa,
304
00:14:34,710 --> 00:14:37,060
what does your anniversary
have to do with this?
305
00:14:39,133 --> 00:14:41,928
I guess it just set me off.
306
00:14:42,012 --> 00:14:45,308
It was as though everyone was saying
that the only significant relationship
307
00:14:45,392 --> 00:14:48,521
I'll ever have again is with my father.
308
00:14:48,605 --> 00:14:50,441
So you're not mad at Dad.
309
00:14:50,525 --> 00:14:52,820
You're just mad he isn't a woman.
310
00:14:54,781 --> 00:14:57,202
Well, I got my coffee. Nothing fancy.
311
00:14:57,286 --> 00:14:59,705
But if you don't like it,
you're welcome to set it on fire
312
00:14:59,789 --> 00:15:01,583
and throw it off the balcony.
313
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:03,117
-Bye, Niles.
-No, wait, Dad.
314
00:15:03,712 --> 00:15:06,131
Frasier just said something
very interesting to me…
315
00:15:06,215 --> 00:15:07,717
-Niles.
-I think you should hear.
316
00:15:07,801 --> 00:15:09,970
-Niles.
-Please, let me help you through this.
317
00:15:10,054 --> 00:15:12,432
Don't forget, I've done my
share of couples counseling.
318
00:15:12,516 --> 00:15:14,770
[SHOUTS] We are not a couple!
319
00:15:14,854 --> 00:15:19,777
I'm sorry, I only meant that I
am an experienced mediator.
320
00:15:19,861 --> 00:15:23,658
Now, Frasier, tell Dad
what you were just telling me.
321
00:15:26,371 --> 00:15:27,998
All right.
322
00:15:30,503 --> 00:15:32,380
I think
323
00:15:33,173 --> 00:15:35,718
that anniversary talk
324
00:15:36,637 --> 00:15:38,287
stirred up some issues for me.
325
00:15:39,724 --> 00:15:44,982
That our relationship is
the only one I'll ever have.
326
00:15:45,525 --> 00:15:48,154
That for all intents and purposes,
327
00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:52,077
you are my significant other.
328
00:15:54,330 --> 00:15:56,875
-And that's my fault?
-I didn't say it was your fault, Dad.
329
00:15:56,959 --> 00:16:00,046
You think it's a picnic living with you?
It's not exactly my dream either.
330
00:16:00,130 --> 00:16:03,093
Okay, no, wait, wait, wait, honesty.
This is good.
331
00:16:03,177 --> 00:16:05,305
I'm just saying I've had
a bit of a breakthrough.
332
00:16:05,389 --> 00:16:07,975
Dandy! You've had a
breakthrough, I've lost my chair.
333
00:16:08,059 --> 00:16:11,105
Maybe I could sit on your breakthrough.
334
00:16:11,189 --> 00:16:12,941
I'll tell you what you can sit on!
335
00:16:13,025 --> 00:16:16,279
Okay, okay, okay. Wait, wait,
wait, let's just keep this constructive.
336
00:16:16,363 --> 00:16:17,782
If you're going to make progress,
337
00:16:17,866 --> 00:16:20,327
you're both going to have to compromise.
338
00:16:20,411 --> 00:16:23,161
Now, which one of you is
willing to take the first step?
339
00:16:27,755 --> 00:16:29,508
Allow me.
340
00:16:36,436 --> 00:16:38,731
You do this for a living, do you?
341
00:16:39,356 --> 00:16:43,321
[SHOUTS] I do it because
I enjoy working with people!
342
00:16:46,492 --> 00:16:49,747
Niles, I've been thinking. Maybe you
and Roz should continue without me.
343
00:16:49,831 --> 00:16:51,959
-Why would we do that?
-Because she's good.
344
00:16:52,043 --> 00:16:54,379
-Just a second…
-No, no, no, don't worry about me.
345
00:16:54,463 --> 00:16:57,801
I'll find something
easier to play, like a stick.
346
00:16:59,888 --> 00:17:01,723
Daphne, I'm not gonna let you quit.
347
00:17:01,807 --> 00:17:03,268
You're just a slow starter.
348
00:17:03,352 --> 00:17:06,105
It may require a little more
time but you'll improve.
349
00:17:06,189 --> 00:17:09,193
-You really think so?
-You have to trust me.
350
00:17:09,277 --> 00:17:10,653
I don't care how long it takes.
351
00:17:10,737 --> 00:17:13,157
I am going to make a pianist out of you.
352
00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:15,369
Thank you.
353
00:17:15,453 --> 00:17:18,248
You know, you're much nicer
than my old piano teacher.
354
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,882
-You took lessons before?
-Hmm? Oh, yeah.
355
00:17:23,966 --> 00:17:26,427
Eight years of them.
356
00:17:29,057 --> 00:17:30,601
Mr. Cruikshank.
357
00:17:30,685 --> 00:17:32,979
You know, he once played
at the Royal Albert Hall.
358
00:17:33,063 --> 00:17:35,649
Oh, why did you stop
taking the lessons, honey?
359
00:17:35,733 --> 00:17:39,822
Well, it turns out Mr. Cruikshank
was an unstable man.
360
00:17:39,906 --> 00:17:42,869
He took his own life.
361
00:17:44,622 --> 00:17:47,961
Do you know I was the
last person to see him alive?
362
00:17:51,215 --> 00:17:53,552
Dad, Frasier's here.
363
00:17:56,807 --> 00:17:58,392
What's this?
364
00:17:58,476 --> 00:18:03,943
It's something I got to tell you I'm
sorry for being such a sorehead.
365
00:18:05,446 --> 00:18:07,490
Oh, Dad.
366
00:18:07,574 --> 00:18:08,783
I'm overwhelmed.
367
00:18:08,867 --> 00:18:10,661
Tied the bow myself.
368
00:18:10,745 --> 00:18:12,956
Just… Just pull on it.
It'll come right off.
369
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,292
Yeah? All right.
370
00:18:21,386 --> 00:18:25,225
Oh, how… How unexpected.
371
00:18:25,309 --> 00:18:26,811
You don't like it.
372
00:18:26,895 --> 00:18:31,025
-No, no, I do. It, it's just that…
-I got some guy, Eduardo, to help me.
373
00:18:31,109 --> 00:18:32,987
I figured I couldn't miss.
374
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:35,281
It's divine.
375
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:37,744
That's what Eduardo said.
376
00:18:40,499 --> 00:18:43,752
There's just one problem.
377
00:18:43,836 --> 00:18:44,963
If you don't like it…
378
00:18:45,047 --> 00:18:48,302
I know, I can set it on fire
and throw it over the balcony.
379
00:18:49,011 --> 00:18:50,596
No, I just meant you can take it back.
380
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:51,932
I want you to be happy.
381
00:18:52,016 --> 00:18:54,185
Frasier, this is a wonderful
gesture on Dad's part.
382
00:18:54,269 --> 00:18:56,856
I do too, Niles. I do. I'm…
I'm very touched, Dad.
383
00:18:56,940 --> 00:18:58,984
Thank you. Thank you so much.
384
00:19:01,154 --> 00:19:05,326
It's just that I had
something else in mind. Uh…
385
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:06,996
[DOORBELL RINGS]
386
00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:09,625
Well, I give up. Try to do a nice thing…
387
00:19:09,709 --> 00:19:11,559
-What's the matter?
-FRASIER: Just…
388
00:19:11,963 --> 00:19:13,965
Ah, good.
Gentlemen, come right in, please.
389
00:19:14,049 --> 00:19:17,888
Uh, just set it right over here.
390
00:19:17,972 --> 00:19:20,475
You bought a chair? Thanks for telling me.
391
00:19:20,559 --> 00:19:23,021
Give me a chance.
I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
392
00:19:23,105 --> 00:19:25,357
-I need somebody to sign for this.
-Yes, of course.
393
00:19:25,441 --> 00:19:27,736
In just a moment, please.
Could you wait at the door?
394
00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:29,197
Thank you.
395
00:19:29,281 --> 00:19:33,536
Everyone, I would like to
introduce you to the newest member
396
00:19:33,620 --> 00:19:36,834
of our furniture family.
397
00:19:41,048 --> 00:19:42,967
Where did you find this?
398
00:19:43,051 --> 00:19:45,651
You can't find that, Dad.
It doesn't exist anymore…
399
00:19:48,226 --> 00:19:50,437
…which is why I
contacted a master builder,
400
00:19:50,521 --> 00:19:53,316
showed him some photographs
and had him duplicate it.
401
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,446
As for the material, I tracked
down the original manufacturer
402
00:19:56,530 --> 00:20:00,328
and once I got them to admit
they made it, I had them reweave it.
403
00:20:01,872 --> 00:20:04,458
-It must have cost a fortune.
-FRASIER: Yes.
404
00:20:04,542 --> 00:20:07,672
Ironically, this is now the most
expensive piece of furniture
405
00:20:07,756 --> 00:20:09,883
in the entire apartment.
406
00:20:09,967 --> 00:20:12,971
Oh, it's beautiful! Thank you, son.
407
00:20:13,055 --> 00:20:15,892
Well done, Frasier.
Oh, it feels just the same.
408
00:20:15,976 --> 00:20:17,102
I don't want to get up.
409
00:20:17,186 --> 00:20:20,315
Well, that's a shame. I was planning
on taking us both out to dinner, Dad.
410
00:20:20,399 --> 00:20:22,318
-Anywhere you'd like.
-Even the steak house?
411
00:20:22,402 --> 00:20:25,115
Even the steak house.
412
00:20:25,199 --> 00:20:26,951
Niles, Daphne, you're welcome to join us.
413
00:20:27,035 --> 00:20:29,079
Oh, sorry, but we're in
the middle of my piano…
414
00:20:29,163 --> 00:20:31,041
We'd love to.
415
00:20:32,751 --> 00:20:37,425
You know, I'll bet we can get free pie
if we just tell them it's our anniversary.
416
00:20:37,509 --> 00:20:39,512
[MARTIN LAUGHS]