1
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,300
You sure Daphne will like this one?
2
00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:12,500
It's perfect, Niles.
Look, it even says on the box:
3
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:16,000
"For the perfect DVD-viewing
experience," all right?
4
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,700
What do you suppose
"multi-angle capability" means?
5
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,700
It means that the remote control
will respond from any angle.
6
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:25,600
CLAIRE:
Not to intrude,
7
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:29,000
but actually, it means you can see
a scene from different camera angles.
8
00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:32,300
- Oh, thank you.
- I was just teasing him.
9
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:35,300
You see, my brother's
technologically challenged.
10
00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:41,000
If you're new to DVD, you might want
to rent the director's cut of Das Boot.
11
00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:44,800
It's amazing.
I mean, if you don't mind subtitles.
12
00:00:45,100 --> 00:00:48,000
Mind them? I prefer them.
13
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,500
In fact, I do speak a bit of German.
14
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,400
So in this case,
they might actually be a distraction.
15
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:55,700
- Really?
- Mm.
16
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,500
I speak German too.
17
00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:01,200
You know, if anyone's
technologically challenged, it's you.
18
00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:04,000
He's a bit defensive.
19
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:07,300
[BOTH SPEAKING IN GERMAN]
20
00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:13,700
You thought your CD-ROM drive
was a cup holder.
21
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,100
Thanks a lot.
22
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,000
- Well...
- I was interested in her.
23
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:21,300
How was I supposed to know?
24
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:23,200
I was speaking German.
25
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,300
Oh, yes, the language of love.
26
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:31,600
- Oh, dear, it's Lana. It's Lana.
- Where?
27
00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:33,800
Oh, my God.
No, no, just turn around.
28
00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:35,800
I don't know why
the woman frightens me.
29
00:01:36,100 --> 00:01:39,700
She should frighten you.
She was prom queen.
30
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,500
Hi. Sorry, it took me forever
to find a parking spot.
31
00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,300
Thanks.
32
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:47,800
Frasier?
33
00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:51,100
Lana. Look, Niles, it's Lana.
34
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,700
Hi, Lana.
35
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:58,600
Hi. This is my friend, Claire French.
Frasier Crane, his brother Niles.
36
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,600
We've know each other
since high school.
37
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:03,900
Yes, we've already met.
Guten Tag, Claire.
38
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,400
I knew I recognised your voice.
You're on the radio.
39
00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,800
Yes, yes.
Well, I'm flattered that you've listened.
40
00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:11,600
You should have seen him
in high school.
41
00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:13,600
Do you remember
when you petitioned the school
42
00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:17,000
to have interpretive dance
added to gym class?
43
00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:19,800
Oh, is that a CD organiser?
I'll be right back.
44
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,700
I need one of those myself.
Excuse me.
45
00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:26,900
So, Niles, how's things?
46
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,300
Things are good.
47
00:02:33,100 --> 00:02:34,200
Are you married now?
48
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,800
No, no. I was, but I'm not now.
49
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,300
But I'm going with someone.
50
00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:44,100
Next.
51
00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:46,700
Oh, yes, I need to return this.
52
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,000
It's scratched.
53
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,800
It was like that when I bought it.
54
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:56,200
You know, I'm not much
of a faux-walnut-grain enthusiast.
55
00:02:56,700 --> 00:03:00,400
Uh, Frasier,
I wanted to ask you something.
56
00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:03,500
Saturday night, are you free?
57
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,000
Only with a coupon.
58
00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:07,700
[BOTH LAUGHING]
59
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:09,500
What did you have in mind?
60
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:13,000
Well, a bunch of us are throwing
a surprise party for Lana.
61
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:14,900
I was wondering
if you could bring her.
62
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,300
I'm not sure
I'm the right person for this.
63
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:21,000
You see, last year, Lana and I
dated for a brief period and, uh...
64
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,400
Well, things just didn't work out.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
65
00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:26,600
- It's not that she isn't a lovely person.
WOMAN: Next!
66
00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:28,800
LANA: I don't give a rat's ass
about your policy!
67
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:30,200
Get me a manager!
68
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:33,000
Perhaps you could ask
someone else.
69
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,000
Come on,
just ask her out as a friend.
70
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:37,200
Once you're there, you can leave.
71
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,600
- Or stay.
LANA: Are you calling me a liar?
72
00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:43,300
Don't buy anything here.
The service sucks.
73
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,700
Well, it is her birthday.
74
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,700
Red wire, red wire,
where do you go?
75
00:03:58,100 --> 00:03:59,500
Oh, there we are.
76
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:01,800
[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]
77
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:05,500
Maybe the red wire's extra.
78
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,900
Niles,
hand me that yellow one, will you?
79
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:09,200
Ooh.
80
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:10,600
MARTIN:
What's the matter?
81
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:14,300
Oh. Daphne punched me
in her sleep last night.
82
00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:17,300
Honestly, she is the most
aggressive sleeper I've ever known.
83
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,800
Wow, you being a psychiatrist,
you probably think
84
00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:23,500
she's acting out some form of
repressed hostility towards you, huh?
85
00:04:23,900 --> 00:04:26,100
That was the furthest thing
from my mind.
86
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,400
- Till now.
- Oh, don't worry about it.
87
00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:33,200
Sounds to me like you
are still finding your sleeping groove.
88
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:35,300
- Sleeping groove?
- Yeah.
89
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:37,600
The first six months
your mother and I were together,
90
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,400
we were like Dempsey and Tunney.
91
00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:42,800
You see,
Dempsey and Tunney were...
92
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,100
Oh, Dad, please, I know
a little something about vaudeville.
93
00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:49,700
- I've got our movie.
- Oh.
94
00:04:49,900 --> 00:04:52,700
Oh, knock it off.
I told you I was sorry.
95
00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:55,600
It's all right.
"Who Framed Roger Rabbit"?
96
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,900
Yeah, it's got everything.
Action, romance and humour.
97
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,100
I mean,
who's funnier than Roger Rabbit?
98
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,700
- No one?
- Exactly.
99
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,300
Well, I'm off to pick up Lana.
100
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,000
- You're oddly chipper about it.
- Of course I am, Niles.
101
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:11,100
The sooner I deliver her
to the surprise party,
102
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,200
the sooner I can cast
my net of romance
103
00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:17,300
over a butterfly named Claire.
104
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:19,500
You know, I've got
a good feeling about this one.
105
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,400
Frasier,
you always have a good feeling.
106
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:22,800
You think it's gonna be perfect,
107
00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:25,500
and then when she turns out
not to be the Kierkegaard-reading,
108
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,600
soufflé-baking, haiku-writing cellist,
you're disappointed.
109
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,500
You have to learn to settle.
110
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,800
What does that mean?
111
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,500
Have fun, Niles.
112
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,300
- Oh, hi.
- Roz, hi.
113
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,500
- Where are you going?
- Just to a little party.
114
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:44,900
- Have a good time.
- Good night.
115
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:46,400
Hey, everybody, am I too late?
116
00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:48,800
You're perfect.
We're all hooked up and ready to go.
117
00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:52,000
Great. I brought Caddyshack.
118
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,500
- Who's funnier than that gopher?
- Roger Rabbit, that's who.
119
00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:58,200
What about my movie,
The Longest Day?
120
00:05:58,300 --> 00:05:59,900
It's got D-day and the Duke.
121
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:03,100
Whoa, that is
an embarrassment of riches.
122
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:06,200
Each movie more appealing
than the last.
123
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:07,900
Perhaps there's a happy compromise
124
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:10,100
in The Unbearable Lightness
of Being.
125
00:06:11,900 --> 00:06:14,400
That would be a happy compromise,
except for one thing.
126
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,600
Boring!
127
00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:19,300
[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]
128
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:22,600
- I think we should use the manual.
- I don't need a manual.
129
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,500
I need a pair of wire strippers,
a hammer and a beer.
130
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,100
While he's doing that,
I just have to pose the question.
131
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,200
Who's funnier
than Daniel Day-Lewis?
132
00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:45,200
You look lovely tonight.
133
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,000
Thank you. You look nice too.
134
00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:51,300
Look, I'm gonna be real direct.
135
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:54,300
We're just two good friends
going out for dinner, okay?
136
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:56,800
Of course.
137
00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:59,500
I only say that because you went
a little heavy on the cologne
138
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,000
and I don't want you
to have any expectations.
139
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,800
I have nothing of the sort.
140
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:09,400
And by the way, it's scented soap.
141
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,500
Good.
142
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:14,500
I mean, I only accepted
because it really sounded
143
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,100
like you could use a night out.
144
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:20,400
But I don't want some awkward scene
where you try to get in my pants.
145
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,900
I assure you,
there will be no such scene.
146
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:25,400
Great.
147
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:29,000
Unless, of course, I have too much
to drink and I change my mind.
148
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,600
So how are those kids of yours
doing?
149
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:39,200
Oh, my youngest is good.
He's in the 9th grade.
150
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,200
But Kirby,
if he doesn't pass U.S. History,
151
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:42,600
he's not gonna graduate.
152
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:45,400
Well, have you considered
getting a tutor?
153
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,200
That's a good idea.
154
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,700
You used to do that sort of thing
in high school, didn't you?
155
00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:52,000
Well, yes, yes, I did.
156
00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:54,900
And I would do it
for Kirby in a heartbeat.
157
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,600
It's just that I'm asked a lot.
158
00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:58,900
And if I helped him,
then I'd have to do it for everyone.
159
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,600
I'd hate to open those floodgates.
160
00:08:00,900 --> 00:08:02,700
- You understand.
- Yeah.
161
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,900
My ex is the one I should be asking,
but that would be a waste of time.
162
00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:09,100
He doesn't help out with the kids?
163
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,600
No, the only kid
he has time for is Kathy,
164
00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:15,800
his 22-year-old receptionist.
It's sickening.
165
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,200
- Do you mind if I smoke?
- Well, actually, l...
166
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,800
I'll just crack a window.
167
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,400
You know, I'm glad
you asked me out tonight.
168
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:32,800
Tomorrow's my birthday.
169
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:34,200
- Really? Well...
- Yeah.
170
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,300
Happy birthday.
171
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,900
Hardly.
172
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:41,300
That's the day Bob and Kathy
have chosen to get married.
173
00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:43,400
In Tahiti.
174
00:08:43,700 --> 00:08:45,800
Some birthday.
175
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:54,300
It's all right. It's good.
Tonight will get my mind off of it.
176
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,900
Just promise me that I won't
even hear the word "birthday"
177
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:58,900
for the rest of the night, okay?
178
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:02,100
Are you sure?
179
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:07,800
I mean, maybe a big celebration
would be the best revenge.
180
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:10,200
What am I celebrating,
181
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:13,800
the fact that I'm becoming
an old trot
182
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:16,500
and no one's
ever gonna love me again?
183
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,000
Oh, God. Shut up.
184
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:27,600
Aren't we going to Bella Lucia?
185
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:31,900
Well, actually, I know this little
Thai place that I think will be better.
186
00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:35,400
Were you even gonna ask me?
I hate Thai food.
187
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,700
Typical man. "I like Thai food
so she must like Thai food."
188
00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:43,900
All right. Bella Lucia it is.
189
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:47,300
I'm sorry. I'm being snappy.
190
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:50,300
It's just I...
191
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:51,900
I guess I just always thought
192
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,700
that I'd be the one
that got remarried first, you know?
193
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,500
Now everybody's
just gonna feel sorry for me.
194
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,800
Oh, God, I hope I don't run
into anybody I know tonight.
195
00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:07,900
And you're not a typical man.
196
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,000
You're very thoughtful.
You forgive me?
197
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,300
Yes, I'm afraid I do.
198
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,200
Oh, gosh.
199
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,100
You know, I do know
another little Italian place
200
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:26,900
that I think you might
really enjoy just as much.
201
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,200
What do you say?
202
00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:31,300
- Great. Sounds great.
- Okay.
203
00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:34,900
You know, it's funny, as much as
I hate the thought of my birthday,
204
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:37,700
I'm kind of hurt that none
of my friends asked me to do anything.
205
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:42,200
I mean, it's not like I wanted a party,
but something would've been nice.
206
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,100
Okay, Frasier, you know what,
207
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,900
just because I'm vulnerable,
doesn't mean you're getting some.
208
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:54,200
No, listen.
209
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:57,300
Fifty of your friends are sitting
in Bella Lucia right now
210
00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:00,300
wearing party hats
and waiting to yell "surprise."
211
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,600
Do you wanna go or not?
212
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,100
My friends are throwing me
a surprise party?
213
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,200
That's right.
214
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:11,200
And you tell me and ruin it?
215
00:11:20,700 --> 00:11:22,600
Surprise!
216
00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:28,400
Oh, my God, you didn't!
You, you did this.
217
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:35,800
Frasier, you tricked me.
You awful thing.
218
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,600
It wasn't easy,
you nightmarish carp.
219
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:43,100
Oh, thanks.
220
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:46,700
Debbie. Oh, hi. Bruce, hi.
221
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,100
I am so thrilled
you all came here for this.
222
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,200
I thought a lot of you
would've flown to Tahiti
223
00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:55,600
for the wedding
of dumbo and bimbo.
224
00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,700
Thanks for getting her here.
225
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,500
How did you manage
to keep it a secret?
226
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:06,200
Well, as a psychiatrist,
227
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:09,800
discretion happens to be
the cornerstone of my profession.
228
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,600
Of course. Mine too.
I'm a family therapist.
229
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,400
Really?
230
00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:18,100
You know, I sensed
we'd have a lot in common.
231
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,800
You know,
it's funny how things turn out.
232
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:25,200
I started out as a music major
studying cello.
233
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:28,700
You're a cellist?
234
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:33,400
Yes, but psychology
is my true calling.
235
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:36,500
Spawning fish may leap upstream
For many seasons
236
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,700
Yet come home to stay
237
00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:44,200
- Was that a haiku?
- Yes.
238
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,400
It's a...
239
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:50,100
It's a habit of mine.
They just sort of spill out of me.
240
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,600
That's amazing.
May I get you a drink?
241
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:58,100
Yes, a martini. Two olives.
242
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:01,500
I knew it. Oh.
243
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,400
- Kierkegaard?
- Love him.
244
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:08,400
Don't move.
245
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,900
Claire, what are you doing
standing here alone?
246
00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:16,200
I want you to meet Neil,
that guy I told you about.
247
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:20,700
- Claire, Neil.
- Hi.
248
00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:26,400
MARTIN:
All right, what's it say now?
249
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,000
DAPHNE:
"Alternatively, see Appendix C,
250
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:32,100
'Advanced Troubleshooting
Specifications And You."'
251
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,600
That's it. I quit.
252
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,400
What do you want to do?
253
00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:41,400
Well, I went to a party once
where we each went around the room
254
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:44,200
and confessed
our most shameful secret.
255
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:47,800
Except it had to be something
that you've never told anyone before.
256
00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:51,800
I don't think that's something
we really wanna get into.
257
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,400
No, it sounds like fun.
258
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,500
Okay, I'll go first.
259
00:13:58,100 --> 00:13:59,400
Oh, let's see. All right.
260
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:03,600
Well, Daphne, you might as well make
your acquaintance with my dark side.
261
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:10,100
In 5th grade,
there was a bully, Jack Winfield,
262
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,300
and he was bothering a lot of the girls.
263
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:14,600
So one day,
I waited for him outside of school
264
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,100
and gave him a sound thumping.
265
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:23,700
Wasn't that the kid with rickets?
266
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:27,900
Rickets and a smart mouth.
267
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:30,500
Daphne, you go next.
268
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,000
And think of something juicier
than that.
269
00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:38,100
Well, mine's also
a youthful indiscretion.
270
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:41,500
I stole a teddy bear from the shops.
271
00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:43,800
Then what?
272
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:48,600
Well, I felt guilty, so I told my parents
and we brought it back.
273
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:53,600
Then as a penance, I volunteered
to work at the orphanage after school.
274
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:03,200
What the hell was that?
I'd put that story on my résumé.
275
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,500
Come on, Martin,
you've gotta have something.
276
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,400
- Shock me.
- Oh, I don't know.
277
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:09,700
It's kind of personal.
278
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,900
That's what we're looking for.
279
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:16,400
Well, all right,
but it doesn't leave this room.
280
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:21,200
Every time I watch
The Sound of Music,
281
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:23,000
I cry.
282
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:30,300
And I don't mean a single manly tear,
I mean real blubbering.
283
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:31,900
Girl-style.
284
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:36,100
The nuns, those kids...
285
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,300
...the lonely goatherd.
286
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:45,100
These are your deep, dark secrets?
This is baby stuff.
287
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,700
"Oh, I dropped my ice cream
and I ate it."
288
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,700
Okay, let's hear yours, then.
289
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,200
You can't handle mine.
Let's play Clue or something.
290
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:54,200
- Oh, come on.
- Come on.
291
00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:57,500
Are you kidding? We can take
anything you can dish out.
292
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,200
I was in the war. I was a cop.
293
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,700
- I even worked Vice.
- I don't think so.
294
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,800
Come on, tell you what,
whisper it in my ear,
295
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,900
and if I think they can handle it,
I'll tell them.
296
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,900
Okay.
297
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,000
Where was Kathy
when I was busting my ass
298
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:40,100
putting him through dental school?
299
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:44,600
Oh, oh, that's right.
She wasn't born yet!
300
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,200
- Who wants more cake?
- Not me, but I'll go with you.
301
00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:53,900
Here we are.
This is one of my favourites.
302
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:58,000
That's so sweet of you,
but Neil just brought me a glass.
303
00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:00,000
Opus One.
304
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,000
Opus One.
That's a delightful little wine.
305
00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:06,500
Yes, it's very nice, but this happens
to be a Barbaresco Gaja,
306
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:10,600
the greatest Italian red
since Roberto Rossellini.
307
00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:17,200
Well...
308
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:21,400
Mm.
309
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,500
- Mm.
- Ah.
310
00:17:28,700 --> 00:17:31,200
Well, they both taste wonderful.
311
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:33,700
I don't...
I can't choose between them.
312
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,900
Taste mine again.
313
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:38,800
You know,
if you're really interested in wine,
314
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,100
you should let me fly you
down to Napa in my plane.
315
00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:43,200
We could spend the day
exploring the vineyards.
316
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,800
That's very sweet, but those
little planes make me nervous.
317
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,800
Really?
Well, how do you feel about BMWs?
318
00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:53,000
You see, I happen to know
319
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:55,500
several of the proprietors
of the local vineyards here,
320
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,500
and I'd be delighted
to be your tour guide.
321
00:17:58,700 --> 00:18:00,000
That's sounds tempting.
322
00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:03,800
Well, allow me to enchant you further.
You see, l...
323
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:07,500
Claire, I'm sorry.
324
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,900
You'll have to excuse me
for just a moment.
325
00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:18,200
Hi. How you doing?
326
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:20,800
Everybody's leaving.
327
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,100
Well, it's getting late.
328
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,500
It's 9:30.
329
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:28,400
Let's face it, I drove them all off.
330
00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:31,300
Even I'm sick of hearing me
complain about Bob.
331
00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:33,900
Well, come on, it's not all that bad.
332
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,200
I mean, listen, you know,
Bob is in the past.
333
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,600
And just look
at all the friends you have.
334
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,800
I know you've had
a bit of a tough time lately,
335
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:45,700
but that'll end soon.
336
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:50,500
You're a vibrant, attractive woman.
337
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:52,800
Thanks, Frasier.
338
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,700
- You're being awfully sweet to me.
- Oh.
339
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,500
Don't think this means
you're getting any.
340
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,100
We're saying our goodbyes.
341
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:05,600
You're leaving?
342
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:09,500
I have an early appointment and
Neil offered to give me a ride home.
343
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,600
Well, how thoughtful of him.
344
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,700
- Happy birthday, Lana.
- Oh, thank you.
345
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:17,700
Bye.
346
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,300
It's nice to see you again, Frasier.
347
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:24,300
Lovely seeing you again, Claire.
Neil.
348
00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:36,300
- Threw a gutter ball, huh?
- Yeah.
349
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:39,200
Thanks to you.
You introduced them.
350
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:43,200
Well, you played it all wrong.
You were hanging on her all night.
351
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,200
Well, so was he, but he left with her.
352
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,900
It won't last.
She's probably sick of him already.
353
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,100
A lot of good that does me. I blew it.
354
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,100
Not necessarily.
355
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,800
I mean, I think you guys
could make a great couple.
356
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,400
In fact, I might be able
to help you out there.
357
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,300
Really? Would you?
358
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,800
Well, I could, but you know,
I get asked that all the time.
359
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,600
And if I did it for you,
I'd have to have to do it for everybody.
360
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:12,300
And I just don't know
if I wanna open those floodgates.
361
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,600
You know what I mean?
362
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,600
I think I do.
363
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,500
Kirby needs a passing grade
in History.
364
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,700
- I can't guarantee that.
- No passing grade, no Claire.
365
00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:24,300
All right, an hour on Tuesdays.
366
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:25,900
Two hours on Tuesdays
and Thursdays.
367
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,500
Two hours on Tuesdays,
no Thursday.
368
00:20:27,700 --> 00:20:28,800
Three on Tuesdays.
369
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,800
- Done. Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
370
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,500
Well, you are a very
lucky young man, Kirby.
371
00:20:37,900 --> 00:20:40,800
You know,
I loved studying U.S. History.
372
00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:42,500
What can be more fascinating
373
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:49,100
than the rich and unfolding epic
of the very soil on which we live?
374
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:54,000
Uh, will that question be on the test?
375
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:58,800
Doubtful.
376
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,500
So which chapter are you on?
377
00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:04,700
Whoa, is that my book?
378
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,400
I see. Chapter 1.
379
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,300
You may wanna take some notes.
380
00:21:13,700 --> 00:21:15,400
I don't have a pen.
381
00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:17,300
But just tell me, I'll remember it.
382
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:20,600
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's gotten you far.
383
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,400
Get off your ass and get a pen!
384
00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:27,800
No, not you, not you, not you.
385
00:22:50,100 --> 00:22:52,900
All right, Kirby, we've got a few
minutes before your mother gets here.
386
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,200
One last question.
387
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,000
In our studies this week,
388
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:01,400
what did we learn
about William Henry Harrison?
389
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:08,200
Well, I guess I would say
that this week, we learned
390
00:23:08,700 --> 00:23:12,400
that William Henry Harrison
was a great man
391
00:23:12,700 --> 00:23:16,900
who was important
because he was...
392
00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:22,200
- President?
- No. Yes, yes.
393
00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:24,800
Good, good.
And which president was he?
394
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,500
Of the United States.
395
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:29,600
I mean which number?
396
00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:32,000
All right, here's a hint.
397
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:35,900
He was elected in 1840.
398
00:23:36,300 --> 00:23:38,300
- Eighteen.
- No.
399
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,900
- Forty?
- Kirby.
400
00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:43,100
Did you do any reading this week?
401
00:23:43,700 --> 00:23:46,000
- Sort of.
- What does "sort of" mean?
402
00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:48,100
- No.
- Right.
403
00:23:48,900 --> 00:23:49,900
Why not?
404
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,800
Because it's a bunch of junk
I'm never gonna need to know.
405
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:56,500
Kirby, this junk, as you call it,
may seem unimportant to you now,
406
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:58,600
but knowing something
about where we came from
407
00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:01,100
may help you to decide
where you wish to go.
408
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:07,300
Now, let's start learning about history
lest you be condemned to repeat it.
409
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:08,800
Start reading.
410
00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:10,900
Continue until
your mother gets here.
411
00:24:12,500 --> 00:24:14,300
- Hi, Dad.
MARTIN: Hey, Fras.
412
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:18,000
You know that guy Roger on 14,
has that little Scottish terrier?
413
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:20,900
- Macduff?
- Right.
414
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,300
Well, Roger's invited
all these dogs from the park
415
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,600
to Macduff's birthday party.
416
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,000
Except Eddie. Thank God.
417
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,100
Have you ever heard
of anything more ridiculous?
418
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,300
I see, and putting a hat on Eddie
for every major holiday, that's normal?
419
00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:38,000
- What? It's not every holiday.
- Oh, Dad, please.
420
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:41,300
He's got a Santa cap for Christmas,
he's got a top hat for New Year's Eve.
421
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,500
He's got a tam-o'-shanter
for Saint Patrick's Day.
422
00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:46,900
Well, they're just hats.
I mean, it's not a whole party.
423
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:48,700
I mean,
a dog doesn't know his birthday
424
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,100
any more than he knows
Friday or Saturday or...
425
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,400
Or Cinco de Mayo?
426
00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:56,500
That sombrero was a gift.
427
00:24:57,700 --> 00:24:58,900
Keep reading.
428
00:25:00,100 --> 00:25:01,800
That's nice
that you're helping the kid out.
429
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,800
Yeah, well, truth be told, Dad.
I'm actually...
430
00:25:06,700 --> 00:25:08,900
I've made a little agreement
with Lana.
431
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,200
You see,
if I help Kirby get a passing grade,
432
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,700
Lana will set me up
with one of her girlfriends, Claire.
433
00:25:13,900 --> 00:25:16,200
Ah. I remember
when you used to tutor kids
434
00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:17,700
so they wouldn't beat you up.
435
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,400
So I guess this is progress, huh?
436
00:25:21,100 --> 00:25:22,700
[DOORBELL RINGS]
437
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,000
That would be your mother.
438
00:25:27,700 --> 00:25:29,100
- Hi, Lana.
- Hi, Frasier.
439
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,400
You guys have
a good study session tonight?
440
00:25:31,700 --> 00:25:33,600
- Primo.
- We're making excellent progress.
441
00:25:33,900 --> 00:25:36,700
- Really? So, what'd you learn today?
- Yeah.
442
00:25:37,100 --> 00:25:41,600
Um... Well, today I learned
about William Henry Harrison,
443
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,700
who was our ninth president.
444
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:49,000
I mean, tenth. I mean, ninth.
445
00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:51,900
Good. Not bad.
446
00:25:52,100 --> 00:25:54,500
So you're one step closer
to getting your prom privileges back.
447
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,000
- Mom, I told you, I'm not going.
- Why not?
448
00:25:57,300 --> 00:25:58,500
Because you and Kristi broke up?
449
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,200
Thanks for spreading
that around, Mom.
450
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,800
Frasier doesn't care.
He went to the prom with his brother.
451
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:06,800
Thanks for spreading that around.
452
00:26:07,100 --> 00:26:09,500
- Can I have a word with your mother?
- Sure.
453
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:11,900
Here, sit in the car.
You can listen to the radio.
454
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,100
But don't change my presets again.
455
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:18,000
When you're in my car,
it's lite hits or nothing!
456
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:21,700
What do you wanna talk about?
457
00:26:21,900 --> 00:26:24,200
I was wondering if you had
a chance to speak with Claire yet,
458
00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:26,500
seeing as how Kirby
may be getting a passing grade.
459
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,300
- Actually, I saw Claire yesterday.
- You did? That's wonderful.
460
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:32,100
I've been thinking about our first date.
I thought perhaps tapas.
461
00:26:32,500 --> 00:26:34,200
I know that sounds whimsical,
but hear me.
462
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,800
Frasier, look, all I did was mention
that you were tutoring Kirby.
463
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:39,200
But she was very impressed.
464
00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:41,900
But you're supposed to set us up.
We have a deal.
465
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,400
I'm phasing you in slowly.
466
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,200
Look, she just broke up with Neil
because he was rushing things.
467
00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:49,000
Trust me, if you don't time this right,
you're gonna blow it.
468
00:26:49,300 --> 00:26:51,300
All right,
there's no need to explain to me.
469
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,300
If anyone understands the value
of restraint and taking things slowly,
470
00:26:54,500 --> 00:26:56,300
it is yours truly.
471
00:26:56,900 --> 00:26:58,700
Frasier, as I recall on our first date,
472
00:26:58,900 --> 00:27:01,100
you got me up to your apartment
on false pretences.
473
00:27:01,300 --> 00:27:03,900
You plied me with wine,
got me into bed,
474
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:07,200
and then tried to weasel out
of ever seeing me again.
475
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:13,000
I think "plied" is a bit strong.
476
00:27:16,900 --> 00:27:21,600
Hey, Frasier, I have a work-related
proposal I wanna run by you.
477
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:23,700
Of course, Roz,
I'm always open to new ideas,
478
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,100
creative thoughts,
outside-the-box thinking.
479
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:27,900
I want Friday the 15th off.
480
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:29,600
But be aware, if you say no,
481
00:27:29,700 --> 00:27:32,800
you'll be crushing a dream
I've had since college.
482
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:35,600
A three-day weekend,
that's quite a dream.
483
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,700
My dream is to have front-row seats
at Bruce Springsteen.
484
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,300
That way, when he starts doing
"Dancing in the Dark,"
485
00:27:42,700 --> 00:27:45,200
there's a chance he'll pull me up
on-stage to dance with him.
486
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:46,500
I see.
487
00:27:46,700 --> 00:27:50,400
And his concert is on
a Friday afternoon?
488
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:52,500
No, Grandpa.
489
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,500
Tickets go on sale Saturday
and I wanna be the first in line.
490
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:57,400
If you hadn't called me Grandpa,
491
00:27:57,700 --> 00:28:00,300
I would have found a polite way
to say no, but as it is, no.
492
00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:05,400
I can't believe I didn't just call in sick
instead of telling you the truth.
493
00:28:05,700 --> 00:28:07,700
I just wasted perfectly
good honesty on you.
494
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,400
Well...
495
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,400
- His Royal Highness is here.
NILES: Thank you.
496
00:28:12,700 --> 00:28:14,200
- Hey, Frasier.
- Hi, Daph, Niles.
497
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:16,200
- Coffee, Niles?
NILES: Yes, please.
498
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,200
I'll have the French Roast
with three shots of espresso.
499
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,500
- The Defibrillator?
- Yeah, that's the one.
500
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:25,200
- Need a little pick-me-up, Niles?
- I am exhausted.
501
00:28:25,500 --> 00:28:27,500
Sleeping with Daphne,
I'm not getting much rest.
502
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,500
The way she gyrates, it's like...
503
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,900
Stop the simile.
504
00:28:33,700 --> 00:28:36,600
No use in conjuring up imagery
I'll only have to repress later.
505
00:28:37,700 --> 00:28:41,800
I'm talking about actual sleeping,
you degenerate jughead.
506
00:28:42,300 --> 00:28:43,300
Hey, sweetie.
507
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:47,200
Hi, I was just telling Frasier
about your nightly tossing and turning.
508
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:51,100
- She's like a tuna on a trawler deck.
- Yeah.
509
00:28:51,500 --> 00:28:54,800
I told you, I'm gonna need time
to adjust to sleeping with someone.
510
00:28:55,100 --> 00:28:57,100
Until then, you're just
gonna have to fight me off.
511
00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,400
I tried. You hurled me to the floor.
512
00:28:59,700 --> 00:29:01,400
You've never minded
the rough stuff before.
513
00:29:01,700 --> 00:29:03,600
That's it, I'm leaving.
514
00:29:03,900 --> 00:29:05,900
Good Lord, it's Claire.
515
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:07,400
I thought you liked her.
516
00:29:07,700 --> 00:29:09,100
- I do.
- So, what's the problem?
517
00:29:09,300 --> 00:29:11,500
Lana has told me that I am
under no circumstances
518
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:13,100
to ask her out on a date.
519
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:16,200
She says that if I rush things,
I will ruin my chances.
520
00:29:17,300 --> 00:29:18,600
Frasier.
521
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:21,000
- Claire, hi.
CLAIRE: Hi.
522
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:22,300
Fancy seeing you here.
523
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:24,500
I just came from the opera house.
524
00:29:24,700 --> 00:29:27,100
Can you believe
Don Giovanni is sold out?
525
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:29,400
I wish I knew someone
with a subscription.
526
00:29:29,700 --> 00:29:33,100
You know, I could...
I could call someone for you.
527
00:29:33,300 --> 00:29:34,400
That'd be great.
528
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:38,100
Hey, and while you're at it, see if you
can find someone who likes sherry.
529
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:40,600
You know, Les Habitants
is having a tasting that week
530
00:29:40,900 --> 00:29:44,200
and I can't find anyone
who enjoys sherry as much as I do.
531
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:47,400
Of course, I always have trouble
finding people who share my interests.
532
00:29:47,700 --> 00:29:50,300
I've been trying to convince someone
to go to London with me
533
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:54,000
and see the New Tate Gallery
and the old Globe Theatre.
534
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:55,500
And finally, I just gave up.
535
00:29:55,700 --> 00:29:58,000
And tomorrow,
I'm going alone for ten days.
536
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,200
- Life's just too short.
- Go out with me.
537
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:09,500
The trick to remembering
the difference
538
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:12,400
between William Henry Harrison
and William Howard Taft
539
00:30:12,700 --> 00:30:14,000
is a simple mnemonic device.
540
00:30:14,300 --> 00:30:15,800
Mne-what?
541
00:30:16,500 --> 00:30:18,100
It's a trick.
542
00:30:18,500 --> 00:30:20,600
Harrison died in office
after his first month,
543
00:30:20,900 --> 00:30:25,800
so we say William Henry Harrison
was hardly healthy.
544
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:32,000
And you can't spell Taft
without the letters F-A-T.
545
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,700
So now to remember two things,
I have to remember two other things.
546
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:38,200
Plus the first two things.
547
00:30:38,500 --> 00:30:40,700
- Yes, yes.
- That's four things.
548
00:30:40,900 --> 00:30:43,400
But the first two things
are easier to remember,
549
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:44,900
and they are clues to the second.
550
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:47,100
Will you just try to keep up, Kirby?
551
00:30:47,500 --> 00:30:49,500
What are you getting
all up in my face for?
552
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,000
Because you are not
working hard enough.
553
00:30:52,300 --> 00:30:54,600
- Well, whose fault is that?
- Yours.
554
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:56,700
Whatever, dude.
555
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,000
- How's it going?
- Well, I'm cool.
556
00:30:59,300 --> 00:31:01,000
As am I.
557
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:03,300
- Frasier, will you stay for dinner?
- Sure.
558
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:05,600
Hey, Kirby, go wash up.
559
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,100
And use water!
560
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,100
Listen, Lana, um...
561
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:20,300
...I ran into Claire this afternoon,
and I...
562
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:24,400
Well, we got to talking,
and it seems as though we'll...
563
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,200
- We're gonna be going out together.
- You're what?
564
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:28,500
[PHONE RINGING]
565
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:31,200
I told you, the timing isn't right.
You went behind my back.
566
00:31:31,500 --> 00:31:34,000
You had me convinced that you
held the keys to Claire's kingdom.
567
00:31:34,300 --> 00:31:35,800
The truth is, I didn't need the key.
568
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:39,100
When I got there, the gates were open,
the mat said, "Welcome, Frasier."
569
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,200
If you think you are walking out
on Kirby, you can think again.
570
00:31:42,500 --> 00:31:45,500
Listen, there is no use in tutoring him
if he is not willing to learn.
571
00:31:45,900 --> 00:31:48,200
CLAIRE [ON ANSWERING MACHINE]:
Hi, Lana, it's Claire.
572
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:52,300
Listen, Frasier asked me out
today and I said yes.
573
00:31:52,500 --> 00:31:54,800
He seems very sweet.
574
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:59,500
Of course, he was also a little eager,
which is always a turnoff,
575
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:02,200
so I might back out,
unless you think he's a catch.
576
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,300
Do you? Is he?
Anyway, I'll be back next week,
577
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:08,400
so give me a call
and let me know what you think. Bye.
578
00:32:08,700 --> 00:32:10,600
[MACHINE BEEPS]
579
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:16,000
Hmm. What do I think?
580
00:32:17,300 --> 00:32:19,700
Perhaps I spoke hastily.
581
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:23,100
I think I want Kirby to get a C.
582
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,200
What? He only had
to get a passing grade.
583
00:32:25,500 --> 00:32:27,000
That was before
you went behind my back.
584
00:32:27,300 --> 00:32:29,000
- For arguing, I want a B.
- That's crazy.
585
00:32:29,300 --> 00:32:32,300
- Keep talking, mister, I'll go for an A.
- All right, a B it is.
586
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,200
What am I doing again?
Oh, yeah, I'm washing up.
587
00:32:36,900 --> 00:32:39,100
Okay, a B-minus.
588
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,000
[THUDS]
589
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:33,000
All right, Kirby,
I'm gonna make you an offer.
590
00:33:33,300 --> 00:33:37,300
If you will agree to knuckle down
and study, I will treat you
591
00:33:37,700 --> 00:33:40,500
to a sumptuous dinner
at Les Habitants.
592
00:33:40,700 --> 00:33:41,800
How does that sound?
593
00:33:42,700 --> 00:33:44,900
You and me
at a fancy French restaurant?
594
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:48,100
- That's right.
- Kind of gay.
595
00:33:50,500 --> 00:33:52,600
- Hey, Frasier.
- Oh, hi, Roz.
596
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:57,000
Kirby, this is my producer, Roz Doyle.
Roz, this is Kirby, my tutee.
597
00:33:57,300 --> 00:33:58,400
Hey.
598
00:33:58,500 --> 00:34:01,700
Well, study hard, but remember,
school isn't everything.
599
00:34:02,100 --> 00:34:04,100
I wasn't exactly an egghead
and look how I turned out.
600
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:08,400
Roz, I'm just trying to motivate the boy,
not scare him straight. Thank you.
601
00:34:10,500 --> 00:34:13,700
She has gotta be pretty
distracting around the office, huh?
602
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,500
Yes, well, sometimes.
But she's union, so you put up with it.
603
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:20,200
No, I mean she's hot.
604
00:34:21,300 --> 00:34:24,300
Stop that.
You stick to girls your own age.
605
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:26,200
Yeah, I had one. She dumped me.
606
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:27,900
Sorry to hear that.
607
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,800
I don't care. She can go to the prom
with anyone she wants.
608
00:34:32,300 --> 00:34:33,800
Wait a moment.
609
00:34:34,100 --> 00:34:36,000
Is that what all
this current malaise is about?
610
00:34:36,300 --> 00:34:37,900
- Heartbreak?
- No.
611
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:39,800
I'm way over it.
612
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,200
You know, what would be awesome
613
00:34:41,500 --> 00:34:45,100
is if I can go to the prom with some
totally hot older chick like Roz.
614
00:34:45,500 --> 00:34:47,300
That would totally burn up Kristi.
615
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,700
All my friends would be like,
"Yo, she's so hot!"
616
00:34:51,700 --> 00:34:55,700
Kirby, you just put that thought
completely out of your mind because...
617
00:34:56,100 --> 00:34:57,700
Kirby,
618
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:01,400
if I could convince Roz
to go to the prom with you,
619
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:04,800
would you commit
to learning this material?
620
00:35:05,100 --> 00:35:08,100
And you think hard before you answer,
because if it's yes,
621
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,900
you're in my house, mister.
622
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:15,400
I'm in.
623
00:35:15,700 --> 00:35:17,100
Deal. Now, listen...
624
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:20,400
We'll just keep this between us.
There's no need to tell your mom.
625
00:35:20,700 --> 00:35:22,400
- No problem.
- Great.
626
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:24,400
So how are you gonna
get her to go with me?
627
00:35:24,700 --> 00:35:30,500
You just leave that up to me
and Mr. Bruce Springsteen.
628
00:35:30,900 --> 00:35:32,800
The Boss.
629
00:35:33,100 --> 00:35:36,600
No, Bruce Springsteen.
630
00:35:40,300 --> 00:35:42,700
Never said there was
gonna be pop quizzes.
631
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,200
That's the pop part.
632
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:49,200
But don't despair, Kirby,
you got 19 out of 25. Well done.
633
00:35:49,500 --> 00:35:52,100
Looks like you're well
on your way to that prom.
634
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,400
Now, let's see that essay you wrote.
635
00:35:54,700 --> 00:35:57,900
MARTIN:
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie...
636
00:35:58,300 --> 00:36:00,800
Dad, do you mind?
We're trying to work here.
637
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,200
I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to raise Eddie's spirits.
638
00:36:03,500 --> 00:36:07,100
Today's that stupid doggie party
he wasn't invited to.
639
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:09,000
You still on that?
640
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,600
Eddie's the heart and soul
of that doggie group.
641
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:13,400
We've been going
to that park for years.
642
00:36:13,700 --> 00:36:16,500
Half of those people wouldn't even
know each other if it wasn't for us.
643
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:20,600
Now they're down there
drinking beer and swapping stories.
644
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,700
Look at him.
It's just breaking Eddie's heart.
645
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:29,100
Eddie's fine, Dad. Seems
you're the one who feels left out.
646
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:30,900
I do not.
647
00:36:31,100 --> 00:36:33,900
And it just so happens that we've
got plans for this afternoon anyway.
648
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:35,200
Big plans.
649
00:36:35,500 --> 00:36:37,200
[PHONE RINGS]
650
00:36:37,500 --> 00:36:40,800
Hello? Oh, hi, Roger.
651
00:36:41,700 --> 00:36:44,600
A party, huh?
Well, no, I hadn't heard about it.
652
00:36:44,900 --> 00:36:46,000
Oh, really?
653
00:36:46,100 --> 00:36:47,700
Well, yeah,
I guess we could come down.
654
00:36:47,900 --> 00:36:51,500
Sure. Okay.
Yeah, well, be right down. Bye.
655
00:36:51,900 --> 00:36:52,900
I knew it!
656
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:56,600
The invite must have
got lost in the mail.
657
00:36:56,900 --> 00:36:59,500
Well, see you later, boys.
It's party time!
658
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,000
Forgot the dog. Come on, boy.
659
00:37:14,100 --> 00:37:15,500
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
660
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:16,900
This is fun.
661
00:37:17,100 --> 00:37:18,300
It is.
662
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,000
You know, I think restaurants
are like museums.
663
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:26,800
Great food, like great art, has
the ability to both elevate and inspire.
664
00:37:27,100 --> 00:37:29,100
Oh, I so agree.
665
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,500
But one must dine
with a certain savoir-faire.
666
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:33,100
You won't get much out of it
667
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:36,400
if you're just some Philistine
walking in off the streets.
668
00:37:36,700 --> 00:37:39,000
Dude, fancy.
669
00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:42,600
Hello, my good man.
Reservation for Gardner.
670
00:37:42,900 --> 00:37:44,700
Of course.
671
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:46,200
This way, please.
672
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,000
So, um...
673
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:55,700
- Would you order some wine for us?
- No.
674
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:59,400
Let's get something straight.
If you get drunk, the evening is over.
675
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:02,800
And if you fondle, massage or cup
any portion of my body,
676
00:38:03,100 --> 00:38:04,700
the evening is over, got it?
677
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:06,800
Man, you're like a total prude, huh?
678
00:38:07,100 --> 00:38:08,800
Yes, I am.
679
00:38:10,700 --> 00:38:13,100
- Would any one of you like a drink?
KIRBY: Yes.
680
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:17,700
The lady and I
will have the Coca-Cola.
681
00:38:18,100 --> 00:38:20,700
Yeah, make sure the lady's
has a lot of Jack Daniels in it.
682
00:38:22,100 --> 00:38:25,100
Never order for your date.
It's cheesy.
683
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,900
And the lady will have the filet.
684
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,600
Well, a toast.
685
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:37,900
To this moment, too long delayed
686
00:38:38,300 --> 00:38:40,400
and too quick to pass.
687
00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:44,200
Hey, you guys.
688
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:47,400
Hi. Well, what are you doing here?
689
00:38:47,700 --> 00:38:50,900
- We're having a date.
- Yes, what are you doing here?
690
00:38:51,300 --> 00:38:52,900
I'm looking for Kirby.
It's his prom night.
691
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:54,300
He left his camera at home.
692
00:38:54,500 --> 00:38:56,100
Kirby is here?
693
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:58,400
Somewhere.
He said you told him about this place.
694
00:38:58,700 --> 00:39:00,600
Right, right, so I did.
695
00:39:00,900 --> 00:39:02,300
There he is. See you guys later.
696
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:04,900
Wait. You know, maybe I should
take the camera to the boy.
697
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:06,900
Seeing you here
will only embarrass him.
698
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,000
Oh, please. He's used to that.
699
00:39:09,300 --> 00:39:10,900
Besides, the one
who should be embarrassed
700
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:13,300
is that boy who's with his mother.
701
00:39:14,500 --> 00:39:17,700
Lana is such a great mom.
She really cares about her kids.
702
00:39:18,100 --> 00:39:19,600
She sure does.
703
00:39:19,900 --> 00:39:22,900
LANA:
What do you mean, she's with you?
704
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:27,800
Will you excuse me a moment?
705
00:39:28,100 --> 00:39:29,100
Mom, would you cool out?
706
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:31,300
How do you expect me to cool out
when you're...?
707
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:33,000
- What are you, a hooker?
- What?
708
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:34,500
- You're a hooker?
- No, I'm not.
709
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:36,200
- She works for me.
- You're her pimp?
710
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,800
- Is there a problem?
- No, everything's just fine.
711
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:41,800
- You know this tramp?
- Yes, I do.
712
00:39:42,100 --> 00:39:43,200
- Frasier!
- I'm sorry!
713
00:39:43,300 --> 00:39:45,000
Lana, please,
it's all innocent enough.
714
00:39:45,300 --> 00:39:47,500
I only did this
in order to motivate the boy.
715
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,700
- By promising him sex?
- You promised him sex?
716
00:39:49,900 --> 00:39:52,500
- You're getting sex?
- I did not promise him sex!
717
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:54,400
LANA: You are coming with me!
- I'm not going.
718
00:39:54,700 --> 00:39:55,700
FRASIER:
Lana, let me explain.
719
00:39:56,100 --> 00:39:58,000
I set him up with Roz
in exchange for his studying.
720
00:39:58,200 --> 00:39:59,300
LANA:
That's disgusting!
721
00:39:59,500 --> 00:40:01,700
It's no different than you
promising me a date with Claire
722
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:03,800
- in exchange for tutoring Kirby.
- Excuse me?
723
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:05,400
Claire...
724
00:40:05,700 --> 00:40:09,100
- You traded me like a commodity?
- Get off your high horse.
725
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:12,100
- You tutored me to get to her?
- Kirby...
726
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:14,500
I can't believe you used me, Lana.
727
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:18,000
Get a little perspective here.
My son's here with a prostitute!
728
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:20,300
If you call me that
one more time, lady...
729
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,600
- Listen, sister, I'll call you whatever...
- You dangle me like bait?
730
00:40:23,900 --> 00:40:25,500
- Who's the prostitute now?
- Who are you?
731
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:27,200
- Sit down!
KIRBY: You said you cared,
732
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:30,600
but you're just as big a liar as
Richard M. Nixon, our 37th president.
733
00:40:30,900 --> 00:40:32,600
I'm gonna have
to ask you all to leave.
734
00:40:32,900 --> 00:40:34,100
Fine with me. Kirby, let's go.
735
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:35,800
- I'm not going anywhere.
- Well, I am.
736
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,200
No, no, no, stop it, everybody!
737
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:43,600
Fellow diners,
738
00:40:44,700 --> 00:40:48,400
if you will all bear with me
for just a moment, please.
739
00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:50,100
Kirby, you are going to pass history
740
00:40:50,300 --> 00:40:52,200
and you are going to graduate
from high school.
741
00:40:52,500 --> 00:40:54,300
Roz, you are getting
your Springsteen ticket.
742
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,200
Lana, if there is anyone
with whom your son
743
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:58,700
could expect to have a wholesome,
innocent and chaste date,
744
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:00,100
it is Roz Doyle.
745
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:05,700
Claire, the only reason Lana did what
she did was out of love for her son.
746
00:41:07,500 --> 00:41:11,400
And if I compromised my ethics,
747
00:41:12,100 --> 00:41:18,200
it was only because I found myself
so utterly beguiled by you.
748
00:41:18,700 --> 00:41:23,700
Frasier, you are a strange
and charming man.
749
00:41:25,700 --> 00:41:27,700
You have no idea.
750
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:33,200
Hi, Lana, it's Frasier.
751
00:41:33,500 --> 00:41:35,000
Yeah, listen,
I was hoping that I could
752
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:36,900
maybe switch times
with Kirby tomorrow.
753
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:40,000
Say move it up to 4:00
just after school?
754
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:42,500
Great, great, good.
755
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:45,500
Well, Claire and I have plans,
you know.
756
00:41:45,900 --> 00:41:48,400
Yeah, I guess we are hitting it off.
757
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:52,500
She said what about me?
758
00:41:53,300 --> 00:41:55,200
You're joking.
759
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:57,700
Oh, you are joking.
760
00:41:59,300 --> 00:42:01,500
What did she say about me?
761
00:42:02,100 --> 00:42:03,800
Really?
762
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:05,800
Well,
763
00:42:06,700 --> 00:42:11,000
I guess it just proves she's a sucker
for sophistication, taste,
764
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:14,800
and dare I say it, Old World charm.
765
00:42:15,100 --> 00:42:16,900
MAN:
Hey, buddy.
766
00:42:18,500 --> 00:42:22,200
If the cops come back around,
can I stash something in your bag?
767
00:42:24,100 --> 00:42:26,200
I'll have to call you back.