1
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:11,100
Hello, Roz.
2
00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:12,500
I say, hello, Roz.
3
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,300
Oh, I'm sorry.
4
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,900
Oh, don't be.
I didn't mean to disturb your reading.
5
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:19,100
- Actually, I'm doing a little research.
- Mm-hm.
6
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:21,200
Um, I have a meeting
with a publisher tomorrow.
7
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:22,800
I'm thinking of writing
a children's book.
8
00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:24,000
- Really?
- Yeah.
9
00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:26,300
It's a story my mom made up for me
when I was a kid.
10
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,000
I tell it to Alice all the time now.
11
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,200
I thought it'd be a kick
if I could get it published.
12
00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:33,600
Good for you, Roz. You know,
I've dabbled in juvenile fiction myself.
13
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:36,100
Yes, Niles and I,
when we were boys,
14
00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:39,000
wrote a series of stories together
in which we were the heroes.
15
00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:42,700
Along the lines of The Hardy Boys
or a Nancy Drew.
16
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,000
The Nancy Boys?
17
00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:49,400
No.
18
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:52,300
Called The Crane Boys Mysteries.
19
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:56,300
They were two plucky lads who used
their keen psychological insight
20
00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:59,800
to solve crimes brought home
by their detective father.
21
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:03,100
- How many of these did you write?
- Thirty-four.
22
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:07,100
Yes, there was "The Mystery
of the One-Eared Monkey,"
23
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,800
"On Your Mark, Get Set, Die,"
24
00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:12,700
and there was one
where our father was kidnapped
25
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,600
and the only clue
was a dented Ballantine can.
26
00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:19,000
- "The Suspicious Six-Pack."
- Excellent.
27
00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:21,300
- Please, Niles, pull up a chair.
- All right, I will.
28
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,600
I can't stay long though.
Uh, latte to go, please.
29
00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:25,800
I'm on my way to the spa
to pick up Daphne.
30
00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:28,700
Oh, that reminds me, what time
should I be at the apartment tonight?
31
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,900
Oh, well, let's see.
It's an hour's trip to the spa
32
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,000
and there's a two-hour
graduation ceremony,
33
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:37,700
at the end of which they all throw
their fat pants into the air.
34
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:40,200
- Say 7:00.
- Okay, great. I'll see you there.
35
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:41,600
NILES: Yes.
- Bye. Bye, Roz.
36
00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:43,700
- Now, speaking of Daphne, ahem,
- Mm-hm.
37
00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:45,500
I was hoping
you could spare her Friday.
38
00:01:45,700 --> 00:01:47,800
I'm planning to take her
on a little getaway weekend,
39
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:52,500
where I think we may be taking
our relationship to the next level.
40
00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:54,900
Oh, my God, Niles,
you're going to propose?
41
00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:57,400
No, not that level.
The level before that.
42
00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:00,100
You're gonna ask her
to move in with you?
43
00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:02,100
One more level before that.
44
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:05,300
- Well, you're already dating.
- No, that's two levels.
45
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,600
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
46
00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:09,900
Oh, for heaven's sake, just tell me.
47
00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:15,300
Well, you know, we're going
to consummate our relationship.
48
00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:18,600
What?
49
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,900
Well, uh... Gosh, l...
It's none of my business.
50
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,900
I just thought you'd already
reached that level.
51
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:28,600
What made you think that?
52
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,700
Ooh, I don't know.
I guess everybody just assumed.
53
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,800
- Who's everybody?
- Nobody.
54
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:38,500
But, Niles, you have been on
overnight trips together, haven't you?
55
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,400
Well, yes,
but they were perfectly chaste.
56
00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:41,800
Oh.
57
00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:44,200
Daphne wanted to wait
until the time was right.
58
00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,800
And, well, we've just both
been missing each other so much
59
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,800
these last few weeks,
I think the time is upon us.
60
00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:53,500
- Oh, I'm happy for you, Niles.
- Thank you.
61
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:57,600
Gosh, nobody's gonna believe
you two haven't slept together.
62
00:02:57,900 --> 00:03:00,300
- Who's nobody?
- Nobody.
63
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,300
- I love you, Niles.
- I love you too.
64
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:13,800
Oh, hey, I got you something.
65
00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:16,300
Here.
66
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:21,500
Oh, Niles, it's lovely.
67
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,700
But I already
have a dress like this.
68
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,100
I know. That's it.
69
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:28,300
That's the dress you wore five years
ago when we danced the tango.
70
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:30,800
I don't understand.
71
00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:32,700
It's for this weekend.
72
00:03:33,700 --> 00:03:34,900
Only this time,
73
00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:40,600
instead of ending in heartache,
the evening can end in triumph.
74
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:45,200
That's very romantic,
but I'm not sure I can fit into it.
75
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:46,700
Not yet anyway.
76
00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:49,000
Oh, nonsense.
You're as svelte as you ever were.
77
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:50,500
You're sweet.
78
00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:52,200
It was cute
when I came out of the spa
79
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,200
and you pretended
you couldn't see me.
80
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,700
Who said that? Who's in my car?
81
00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:58,200
[DAPHNE LAUGHING]
82
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,200
Well, you've worked so hard
and you stuck with it.
83
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,200
I want you to know
how proud I am.
84
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,300
Actually, I'm proud of myself.
85
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:08,600
The staff therapist even
complimented me on my willpower.
86
00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:10,300
Oh, so you did see a therapist?
87
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,000
Yeah, it's all part
of the programme
88
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,200
to help you figure out
the cause of your overeating.
89
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:17,800
Mm-hm. Well, if you ask me,
it's a classic case of sublimation,
90
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,300
using food as a substitute for sex.
91
00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:23,100
I recommend
you see a certain doctor
92
00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:25,300
I know very well,
he can help you.
93
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,700
Yeah. That's not what Gloria thinks.
94
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,900
- Heh. Gloria?
- The therapist.
95
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:32,100
Oh.
96
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:35,900
My patients call me Dr. Crane,
but, uh, whatever.
97
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,900
So, uh, what does Gloria think?
98
00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:41,000
She thinks
I may have gained the weight
99
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,500
as a way to create distance
between us.
100
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,200
Oh. Hmm...
101
00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,600
And, uh, why
would you wanna do that?
102
00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:50,800
Well, when you and I
first came together,
103
00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:53,100
we decided to wait
and get to know each other
104
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:55,800
before bringing the relationship
into the bedroom.
105
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,900
Then as time went on,
you told me all these stories
106
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,200
about how you'd pined for me
for seven years,
107
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:04,100
how I'd been
your unobtainable dream.
108
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,400
How could anybody
live up to that?
109
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:10,000
See, Gloria thinks I was terrified
of letting you down,
110
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,100
of not being perfect, so I ate.
111
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,600
And I ate. And apparently ate.
112
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,300
[DAPHNE LAUGHING]
113
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,100
Daphne,
you couldn't possibly let me down.
114
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,300
And as for the weight,
it didn't matter.
115
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:25,800
I never noticed.
116
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,700
That's another thing.
I gained 60 pounds.
117
00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:32,000
Don't you think it's strange
you couldn't see it?
118
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,600
No, it's not strange. I love you.
119
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,200
And I love you too.
120
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:41,000
You know what Gloria says?
121
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,200
No.
122
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,200
She says
you couldn't see the extra weight
123
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,300
because you're only seeing
the perfect me
124
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,800
you've carried around
in your head for seven years.
125
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,700
She calls it
"looking through love goggles."
126
00:05:54,900 --> 00:05:56,800
Alrighty, let's get her on the phone,
shall we?
127
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,200
Niles, don't.
I'm not trying to upset you.
128
00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:02,100
I'm just telling you
what we discussed in therapy.
129
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,300
I understand, I understand.
130
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,700
And I know how much
you've looked forward to this weekend,
131
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,900
but until I sort this out, I may need
a little more time before I'm...
132
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:13,300
Absolutely. Say no more.
133
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:16,100
We can easily postpone
the weekend.
134
00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,100
Of course, if my theory is correct and
you are eating as a substitute for sex,
135
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:22,800
then you're taking a terrible risk.
136
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:24,500
[NILES IMITATES EXPLOSION
AND DAPHNE LAUGHS]
137
00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:27,100
I know, huh?
138
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,600
I love you, Niles.
139
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,200
I love you too.
140
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,800
[FOOTSTEPS]
141
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,500
MARTIN: Roz, you know,
if you really wanna do a kid's book,
142
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,200
you ought to write one
about Eddie.
143
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:46,500
- I'd buy one about Eddie.
- Thanks, but I already have an idea.
144
00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:49,600
Besides, if I was gonna use a dog,
I'd probably use my own.
145
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,700
Well, you wanna make your dog happy
or you wanna sell books?
146
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,500
Now, I was thinking,
Eddie joins the circus.
147
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,200
And he has all this clown makeup on
and everything, you know.
148
00:06:58,500 --> 00:06:59,500
And he juggles and stuff.
149
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,200
And then you could do one
where he invents this flying machine
150
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:04,700
and has all these wacky adventures.
151
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,400
That's kind of cute.
152
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:08,400
He could join a flock of geese
153
00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:12,700
or he could become
the world's first dog traffic reporter.
154
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,500
Eddie would never do that.
155
00:07:15,700 --> 00:07:18,400
You really don't get Eddie, do you?
156
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:19,800
[DOOR OPENS]
157
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,600
- Hey, look who's home.
MARTIN: Hey.
158
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:26,100
- Is this all for me?
- Oh, Daphne. God, we missed you.
159
00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:28,400
- You look great, Daphne.
- Thank you, Roz.
160
00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:30,100
MARTIN:
Great? You look fantastic.
161
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,000
I don't know what they did to you there,
but what a difference.
162
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,300
Yes, I was getting pretty big,
wasn't I?
163
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,700
Big? You were ginormous.
164
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,300
FRASIER:
Dad.
165
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,400
- I'm telling her how good she looks.
- Yes, yes.
166
00:07:41,700 --> 00:07:44,000
- Come here, old man.
- You really do look lovely, Daphne.
167
00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:47,800
Oh, thank you, Dr. Crane.
But I still have to be careful what I eat.
168
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:49,600
Yes, of course. And to that end,
169
00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:51,900
I have a little surprise for you
in the refrigerator.
170
00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:53,900
You didn't have to do that.
171
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,800
It's not some of those
low-cal dinners, is it?
172
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,200
FRASIER:
Just go look.
173
00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:58,400
[LAUGHS]
174
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,700
[SQUEALING]
175
00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:05,100
That's hysterical.
176
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,700
It's called the Refrigerator Pig.
It's a little plastic pig.
177
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,400
He's got a recording in his belly.
178
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,200
Every time you open
the refrigerator door,
179
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:13,000
you'll hear his scolding squeal.
180
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:15,500
So, Daphne,
tell us about the spa.
181
00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:17,400
Well, it was lots of hard work.
182
00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:21,000
We had hikes every morning
and sessions with a personal trainer.
183
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,500
And a wonderful therapist.
You're gonna love this.
184
00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:29,400
Yes, there was a professional
therapist on staff.
185
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,800
Mm-hm. Named Gloria.
186
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,000
Who helped me dig down
to the root of my problems.
187
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,200
Yes, Gloria's very handy
with a shovel.
188
00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:37,500
[LAUGHS]
189
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:40,900
Well, she must have been very good.
I mean, obviously, look at you.
190
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,500
Well, Gloria's very empathetic because
she had a similar weight problem.
191
00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,700
Only she didn't have anyone
to help deal with it.
192
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,600
She had to battle it alone for years.
193
00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:50,900
She didn't have a boyfriend
she could blame?
194
00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:54,500
Is there something
you want to say to me?
195
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,000
No.
196
00:08:56,300 --> 00:09:00,200
Well, I've got something to say.
I would like to propose a toast.
197
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,600
I was very lucky
to have someone like Gloria.
198
00:09:02,900 --> 00:09:06,800
Yes. You usually have to go all the way
to a hair salon for that kind of insight.
199
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,900
NILES: Here, I'll take that.
FRASIER: Yes, uh...
200
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:14,300
Well, uh, Daphne, the important thing
is that you're feeling better
201
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:16,800
and that you're back home
where you belong.
202
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:19,400
MARTIN: Right.
- I better make mine water.
203
00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:22,000
Champagne is pure sugar,
you know.
204
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:25,000
Niles, what the hell
is wrong with you?
205
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,300
Oh, Frasier, you would not believe
the hack psychobabble
206
00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:30,400
this woman
has filled Daphne's head with.
207
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,100
Well, even if that's true,
that's no reason to act like an ass.
208
00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:36,100
Now, you just shape up
and treat Daphne with respect.
209
00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:38,100
[SQUEALING]
210
00:09:42,900 --> 00:09:43,900
DAPHNE:
Ooh...
211
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:48,400
Apparently that pig of yours
can dish it out, but he can't take it.
212
00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:52,900
- So how about that toast?
- Oh, good idea.
213
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,300
FRASIER:
Right, uh...
214
00:09:54,500 --> 00:09:55,800
To Daphne.
215
00:09:56,100 --> 00:10:01,000
Your warmth and spirit
have helped make this place a home.
216
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:05,400
Your influence can be seen
in a thousand different ways.
217
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,800
Unless, of course,
one's wearing his love goggles.
218
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:10,600
That's it.
Niles, I think you should go.
219
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:14,200
- What?
- I want you to leave right now.
220
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:40,400
Nice call on the Refrigerator Pig.
221
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,400
So you don't think
I have a germ phobia?
222
00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:53,100
Not at all. Just a healthy sense
of personal hygiene.
223
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:56,800
Ah. Here is the number of the man
who cleans my telephones.
224
00:10:57,100 --> 00:11:00,200
There you go. The best in Seattle.
Now, you take care.
225
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,300
No, don't touch, don't touch.
There you go.
226
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:07,600
Frasier.
Uh, what are you doing here?
227
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:11,900
Oh, I just wanted to see
how you were doing after last night.
228
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:14,200
Daphne caught me up
on what's been going on.
229
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:18,300
Oh, wonderful. So she's talking to
every therapist under the sun but me.
230
00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:20,600
She said she tried to talk to you.
231
00:11:20,900 --> 00:11:23,200
No, she tried to blame me.
232
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:26,300
According to
her puppet master, Gloria,
233
00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:28,400
Daphne overate
because she was afraid
234
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,700
she couldn't live up
to my image of her.
235
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,300
- Well, there may be something to that.
- Oh...
236
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:40,300
She does have seven years
of fantasy to live up to.
237
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,200
What fantasy?
238
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,500
I have a very realistic picture
of Daphne.
239
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:48,100
I love her for who she is.
I have since the very beginning.
240
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,600
All right, when exactly was the very
beginning for the two of you anyway?
241
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:55,800
Well, don't you remember?
You introduced us.
242
00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:59,000
Daphne, this is my brother, Niles.
243
00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:03,200
- You're Daphne?
- Why, yes, I am.
244
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,600
Well, when Frasier told me
he'd hired an Englishwoman,
245
00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:10,400
I pictured someone a little more...
Not quite so...
246
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,500
You're Daphne?
247
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,100
- Right again. It's nice to meet you.
- Look at you, Niles.
248
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:18,500
The woman's a stranger to you and yet
you're ready to hand her your heart.
249
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:22,500
Well, I may have been a tad smitten.
What's your point?
250
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:26,200
My point is... Niles, pay attention.
251
00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:29,100
My point is, your so-called
realistic picture of Daphne
252
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,600
has been clouded from the start
by your intense attraction to her.
253
00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:36,600
All right. Perhaps at the beginning
I was blinded by infatuation.
254
00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:39,500
But over the years,
I've learned everything about her.
255
00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:41,400
And my love has only deepened.
256
00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:45,700
I've learned that she's caring
and compassionate. Uh...
257
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,300
And she can be moody sometimes.
258
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:53,100
She likes jelly on her pancakes
instead of syrup. Uh...
259
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:56,600
Her laugh, it's like music.
260
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,400
Oh, and that girl can dance.
261
00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:01,400
You're beautiful. You're a goddess.
262
00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:04,200
Oh, I don't ever want
this moment to end.
263
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:05,400
Then let's not let it.
264
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:07,400
NILES:
This is one of my favourite memories.
265
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,900
See, that's the dress
I wanted her to wear this weekend.
266
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:11,900
Isn't she spectacular?
267
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:13,400
FRASIER:
Indeed she is.
268
00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:16,700
She's perfect.
Oh, wait, look at this. Watch.
269
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,500
[CROWD GASPING]
270
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,200
I come here often.
271
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:24,800
I suspect a part of you
has never left.
272
00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:26,700
Can you blame me? Look at us.
273
00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:30,300
We're magnificent together.
We're moving in perfect sync.
274
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,400
There's that word perfect again.
275
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:34,700
I know what you're thinking.
276
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:37,800
Just because this evening was perfect
doesn't mean I'm idealising Daphne.
277
00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:40,300
Did you hear yourself out there?
You called her a goddess.
278
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,300
You can't build
a higher pedestal than that.
279
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:45,100
Who could possibly compete
with that sort of image?
280
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,900
That's not fair. I'm well aware
that's just one side of her.
281
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:54,000
I'm also acquainted with her
ordinary, domestic, everyday side.
282
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,600
[HUMMING]
283
00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:01,200
Heart and soul
I fell in love with you
284
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,900
Heart and soul
The way a fool would do...
285
00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:07,200
- Oh, please.
- What?
286
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:09,600
Even your everyday memories
are idealised.
287
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,500
How long until the cartoon bluebird
lands on her shoulder?
288
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:17,300
All right, so maybe my memories
of Daphne are perfect.
289
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:21,900
Did it ever occur to you
that perhaps Daphne just is perfect?
290
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:23,900
BOTH:
Because you held me tight
291
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,700
I held you tight.
It serves you right
292
00:14:25,900 --> 00:14:28,700
I stole a kiss in the night
293
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,200
FRASIER:
That's it. I'm going home.
294
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,000
NILES:
Wait, wait, wait. How come?
295
00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:34,200
Nothing else to say.
296
00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:37,900
Niles, I love you.
297
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,300
And I love Daphne.
298
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:43,600
I just hope the two of you
can work this thing out together.
299
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:46,000
No, wait, wait, wait.
Don't go, don't go.
300
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:47,400
Help me understand.
301
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,000
Why is everyone acting
like I've done something wrong?
302
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:54,300
The only thing I am guilty of is loving
Daphne, and that's all I've ever done.
303
00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:57,300
Yes, yes.
And how did you love her?
304
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,000
From afar.
305
00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:02,600
You were never in love with her.
You were in love at her.
306
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:07,000
Now you've been given a chance
to experience her in a real relationship,
307
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,800
and yet for some reason
you're resisting it.
308
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:14,900
Rather than see her as she really is,
you keep holding on to the fantasy.
309
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,800
No, that's not true.
310
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:21,800
Niles, the woman gained 60 pounds.
311
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,300
And everybody in the world
saw it but you.
312
00:15:25,700 --> 00:15:31,000
All you ever saw
was a perfect woman in a red dress.
313
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:38,000
Ahem. Okay.
314
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:43,800
If you're right, and that's a big if,
why would I do that?
315
00:15:44,700 --> 00:15:48,200
Maybe Daphne's not the only one
who's afraid she won't measure up.
316
00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:50,500
Maybe you're afraid too.
317
00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:54,700
After all, if it turns out
that she's not perfect,
318
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,500
then there's a chance
things won't work out.
319
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,000
Then not only
will you lose Daphne,
320
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:09,100
but you'll have wasted
the last seven years of your life
321
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,800
chasing an illusion.
322
00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:19,700
Oh, Roz, what a pleasant surprise.
323
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:23,000
Break out the champagne.
I just sold my children's book.
324
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:26,300
- Hey, that's great.
- Oh, well, congratulations, Roz.
325
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,500
Thanks. This young editor
was like 23 years old.
326
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:29,900
His name was Scott.
327
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,700
And I figured he'd just be
into action figures and video games,
328
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,100
and there I was with this
simple little story, but he loved it.
329
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:37,600
FRASIER:
Great. Congratulations.
330
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,200
I've been saving a special bottle
for just such an occasion.
331
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,500
While you're in there,
get me my very special can.
332
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:45,500
I've gotta call my mother.
333
00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,500
She is gonna get
such a kick out of this.
334
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,600
Mom?
Hey, do you remember that story
335
00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:52,500
that you used to tell me
when I was a kid?
336
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,600
You know, about the little girl
and her grandfather?
337
00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:58,900
Yes, well, I just got it published.
338
00:16:59,300 --> 00:17:01,000
[CHUCKLING]
339
00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:03,800
What?
340
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,900
Well, you never told me that.
341
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:10,000
Okay, fine. Just forget I called.
342
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:11,200
[CORK POPS]
343
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,600
- Well, you can put that away.
- What happened?
344
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:17,400
Apparently I just
sold my publisher Heidi.
345
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:24,100
I better get over there
and let him know before he...
346
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:25,400
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
347
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:27,200
Hello. Oh, hey, Scott.
348
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,900
I know, I just heard. Weird, huh?
349
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:32,000
- Tell him about Eddie.
- Shh.
350
00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:34,800
I am so sorry.
351
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,300
It was a movie too?
352
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,900
NILES: Oh. Hi.
ROZ: Hey.
353
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,800
Hey, Frasier. Hi, Dad. Ahem.
354
00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:44,600
- Hi, Niles.
- Hi, Niles.
355
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:48,000
- Hello, Daphne.
- Hello.
356
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,800
Dad, what do you say we head out
for dinner over at the steakhouse?
357
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,100
- The steakhouse? Really?
- What the hell.
358
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,700
The blood's just been flying
through my arteries lately.
359
00:17:58,900 --> 00:18:00,800
MARTIN: Give me a minute.
FRASIER: Right.
360
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,800
Daphne,
361
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,000
I want to apologise
for the other night.
362
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:12,200
I was rude and disrespectful,
and I'm sorry I hurt you.
363
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,200
[SIGHS]
364
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,000
Apology accepted.
365
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,100
- Oh, come here.
- Thank you.
366
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:23,000
You know, I was just about
to make myself some dinner.
367
00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:25,200
- Would you like to join me?
- I would love that.
368
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:26,800
Okay.
369
00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:28,300
Actually, wait, Daphne.
370
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,400
I'm gonna pass on dinner.
371
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,900
- Oh, it's no trouble.
- No, I know. It's just that...
372
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:38,600
I don't really care
for your cooking.
373
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,400
What?
374
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:47,200
Well, you're not the best cook
in the world.
375
00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:52,600
In fact, you're not very good
at cooking at all.
376
00:18:52,900 --> 00:18:55,600
Bad, bad cook.
377
00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:59,400
- What the hell is he doing?
- Uh...
378
00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:01,200
Well, we're off.
379
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:06,500
God bless you, son.
380
00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:16,400
You okay?
381
00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:20,100
How could I be after that horrible thing
you just said to me?
382
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,400
Oh, I'm sorry, darling.
383
00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:26,000
I just wanna show you
that I see you the way you really are.
384
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,700
And who I am is a bad cook,
is that what you're saying?
385
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:34,100
No, no, no, that's not fair.
I thought this was what you wanted.
386
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:37,500
Well, it still hurts.
I have feelings, you know.
387
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,700
I thought you loved my cooking.
388
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,900
Well, you certainly
could've handled this better.
389
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:45,700
Well...
Then I don't know what you want.
390
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,400
I can't read minds, you know.
And by the way, neither can you.
391
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,800
Are you saying
you don't think I'm psychic?
392
00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:56,900
Not if you thought
I loved your cooking.
393
00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:02,100
Well, I'm sorry it's not
that hoity-toity crap you eat.
394
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,500
What does that mean?
You think I'm pretentious?
395
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,100
Ho. You'd eat a worm
if I gave it a French name.
396
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,500
Well, fine. If that's the way you feel,
maybe I'll just have dinner by myself.
397
00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:18,400
Well, good. It'll spare you the hell
that's my cooking.
398
00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:23,600
I am so sorry.
I love you so much.
399
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,400
I didn't mean any of those things.
400
00:20:27,700 --> 00:20:30,800
Oh, yes you did. And I did too.
401
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,600
You're a pretentious snob
with your wine and your opera.
402
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:39,000
Well, you never give
opera a chance!
403
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:41,900
You're too judgemental.
404
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:43,900
And you're a clean freak.
405
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,600
Well... I hate your unicorn collection.
406
00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:51,200
And I hate that your closet
is bigger than mine.
407
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,800
Well... you're too tall.
408
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,200
- You're too short.
- Well...
409
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,900
[BOTH MOANING]
410
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,100
Oh, Daphne.
411
00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:07,500
Oh, Niles.
412
00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:16,600
Ah. There you are, Niles.
May I have a latte, please?
413
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,000
So how are things
with you and Daphne, hmm?
414
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,300
Oh. Thank you.
415
00:21:30,900 --> 00:21:32,600
Niles, is everything okay?
416
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,100
Ah.
417
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,000
You know the best part, Frasier?
418
00:21:48,300 --> 00:21:51,000
It wasn't at all like I imagined it.
419
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:03,600
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]