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00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:10,200
ROZ: Frasier, I knew
when you bought me lunch,
2
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:11,800
there was going to be a catch.
3
00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:15,000
- How long is this gonna take?
- Well, it shouldn't take too long, Roz.
4
00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:17,900
I can't believe I'm actually scouring
a science-fiction convention
5
00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:19,300
for X- Men comics.
6
00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:23,600
I feel I'm contributing
to the decline of my son's intellect.
7
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,200
Then why are you doing it?
8
00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:28,300
Well, because I said no
to the eyebrow ring.
9
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:30,500
Oh, excuse me, good sir.
10
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,500
Could you direct me, please,
to Cubby's World of Comics?
11
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,700
- Yeah, it's right over there.
- Oh.
12
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:39,300
Thank you. Thank you very much.
You're a fierce but helpful people.
13
00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:41,300
Oh, stop.
14
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:47,900
- Good Lord. That's Jackson Hedley.
- Who?
15
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,200
FRASIER: Jackson Hedley,
the famous Shakespearean actor.
16
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,000
He came to my school
when I was a teen,
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00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,800
did a show of soliloquies,
began my love affair with the Bard.
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00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:58,500
Excuse me, Roz, I think I'll just go
pay my respects to Mr. Hedley.
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00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:07,300
Excuse me. Um, what's
Jackson Hedley doing here?
20
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,600
Signing autographs
and being awesome.
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00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:16,000
They've got the whole cast
of Space Patrol coming this weekend.
22
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,600
Jackson Hedley
was on a television show?
23
00:01:18,900 --> 00:01:21,800
What, are you kidding?
He's Tobor, the ship's android.
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00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,200
Where you been, man?
25
00:01:24,700 --> 00:01:26,100
I don't know.
26
00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:31,000
Reading, attending the theatre,
getting haircuts.
27
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:36,200
Hi, Roz.
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00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:39,900
Hi, Noel.
29
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,000
So you're a closet Trekker.
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00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:45,700
I always had a feeling
we were more than mere coworkers.
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00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,600
This explains the heat between us.
32
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:53,400
I feel heat, all right.
Because I'm in hell.
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00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:56,000
- There you are, Dwayne.
- Thanks, Tobor.
34
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:57,700
FRASIER:
Hello, Mr. Hedley.
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00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:00,100
May I say
it's an honour to see you again.
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00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:02,600
Thank you. So, what would you like
to be autographed today?
37
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:04,500
Actually, I already have
your autograph.
38
00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:07,600
I got it after seeing
your performance of Hamlet.
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00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:09,100
Oh, my.
40
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:12,600
- That was a long time ago.
- But not forgotten.
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00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,900
May I say, on behalf
of my brother and myself,
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00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:19,300
thank you for opening our young eyes
to the wonders of Shakespeare.
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00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:21,400
You are more than welcome.
44
00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:24,200
Tell me, do you get to do
much theatre anymore?
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00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,300
Oh, no, I'm afraid
those days are over.
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00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,100
The show became so popular,
47
00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:32,400
I can't get cast as anything
but an android, a cyborg,
48
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:37,600
or when I get a chance
to really spread my wings, a mutant.
49
00:02:37,900 --> 00:02:42,500
Well, what a shame.
For you and the theatre.
50
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:44,800
Oh, you are very kind.
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00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:47,500
Well, my fans await.
It was lovely meeting you, Mr...
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00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:49,100
Frasier Crane.
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00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,500
Thank you, Mr. Hedley.
54
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:56,600
It just breaks my heart
to see that man reduced to this.
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00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,700
So demeaning.
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00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,700
Well, so he's not
doing Shakespeare,
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00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,000
but look, he's got tons of fans
that worship him.
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00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,800
What's so demeaning about that?
59
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:09,500
Hey, Tobor, would you do
my kid's birthday party?
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00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,700
Here's my card.
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00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,700
Travel time is extra
and I eat by myself.
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00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:27,500
- Hey, look who I found at the airport.
- Oh.
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00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:29,800
Welcome home, Dad.
So how was Florida?
64
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,100
Oh, it was a whirlwind.
65
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:33,900
Duke and I hit the dog track,
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00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:38,900
and then we met the Michael Jordan
of jai alai players at the Red Lobster.
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00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:43,000
But the place I went back to most of all
was Captain Pete's Gator Farm.
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00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:45,600
Ah, ah. Did you go see
the Hemingway home?
69
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:49,000
Well, you know, Fras,
you can't squeeze everything in.
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00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,800
But I tell you,
these gators are amazing.
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00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,900
You're out in the glades
in this fan boat,
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00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:59,300
and it's just you and Captain Pete
and a cooler full of raw chickens.
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00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,600
To think I wasted
my last vacation in Vienna.
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00:04:03,900 --> 00:04:06,700
Then he dangles a chicken at the end
of a stick and before you know it,
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00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,600
a 15-foot monster
comes rushing out of the water.
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00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,000
And he's yelling:
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00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,300
"Hurry up and take the picture.
This son of a bitch is heavy!"
78
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,200
That's delightful, Dad.
79
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:21,100
- Where's Daphne?
- My honey bunny has the flu.
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00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:22,700
Aww, that's too bad.
81
00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:26,100
Probably got it standing
in front of an open refrigerator.
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00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,700
Nice to have you back, Dad.
83
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,200
- Frasier.
- Oh, thank you, Niles.
84
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:35,800
- You will never guess what I found.
- Hm?
85
00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:41,500
This is the autograph Jackson Hedley
gave me in junior high school.
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00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:43,800
Oh, Niles.
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00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:49,800
"Dear Coach Pellit, please excuse
Niles from gym for obvious reasons."
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00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,400
- The other side.
- I figured.
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00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:58,600
"To Niles, my kingdom
for more fans like you.
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00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,900
Jackson Hedley." Gosh.
91
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,700
That's lovely.
92
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,600
Of course, I'm still envious
that you got to see him again.
93
00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:07,800
You wouldn't be
if you'd been at that convention.
94
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:12,000
To see the man who defined Hamlet
95
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:16,400
reduced to hawking T-shirts
and sci-fi gewgaws.
96
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,100
- It's a terrible waste of talent.
- Tragic.
97
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:22,600
No artist should have to endure that.
98
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,800
If only people could see him
the way we did.
99
00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:28,800
Niles,
100
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:32,300
how difficult would it be
to mount Jackson's one-man show?
101
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:33,700
It's relatively simple.
102
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:37,800
That's true. There's minimal scenery,
no supporting ca...
103
00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:42,300
- Wait a minute, are you suggesting...?
- Well, why not?
104
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,800
There's certainly no shortage
of theatres in this town.
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00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,100
We could do it on a Monday
when they're dark anyway.
106
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:48,700
We could revive the man's career.
107
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:52,500
What a gift it would be to return this
man to the stage where he belongs.
108
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:55,500
It would be like repaying him
for giving us the gift of Shakespeare.
109
00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:57,500
And if the evening goes very well,
who knows?
110
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,200
We could be in for a long run.
We might take it on the road.
111
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:02,600
Why not a television special?
A much larger audience.
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00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:04,800
It could become a cottage industry:
113
00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:07,600
T-shirts, posters,
personal appearances.
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00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,900
Thank God we've come along
to save this man.
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00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:13,300
- Oh, Niles.
- Cheers.
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00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,500
[FOOTSTEPS]
117
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,700
FRASIER: Gosh, Niles, I can't wait
to show Jackson his new venue.
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00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,000
Gosh, what an honour it is
119
00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:23,900
to be reuniting such a great talent
with the stage. Is he here yet?
120
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,100
No, he's cutting the opening ribbon
at Galaxy Mattresses.
121
00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:29,100
Well, once this show opens,
122
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:33,200
he'll be able to throw away
his oversized novelty shears.
123
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:34,700
Yes.
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00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:39,000
Ooh, I just came from the box office.
Ticket sales are going at a brisk pace.
125
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:40,500
I've got half the station coming.
126
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,500
I've got a group coming
from the wine club.
127
00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:44,500
We've done a good job
of getting the word out.
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00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,200
- That's why we get to be producers.
- Yes, yes.
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00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:50,300
Hello, lads.
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00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:53,000
Mr. Hedley,
please join us on the stage.
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00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:57,100
- Yes, or shall we say, on your stage.
- Oh, yes.
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00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,200
[JACKSON GASPS]
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00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:04,700
Oh, it is such a long time
since I've trod the boards.
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00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,700
Do you really think people
are going to pay money
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00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,900
to see me after all these years?
136
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,200
The way things are going,
we expect a sellout.
137
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:16,500
One week from today, you'll be
looking out on a packed house.
138
00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:21,900
Really? Do you know the one thing
that I don't miss about performing live?
139
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:26,700
It's the jitters. It's the dry heaves.
140
00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:30,900
- Maybe this wasn't the best idea.
- No, no, sir, please. Please.
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00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:35,100
The theatre is your true destiny.
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00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:39,900
It courses through your veins.
It fills your lungs.
143
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:44,200
This is your stage.
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00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:46,500
Welcome home.
145
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,900
And you said
you'd never produced before.
146
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:53,800
Ladies and gentlemen,
147
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:58,600
I bring you to a hall
148
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,200
in Elsinore castle.
149
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,500
Denmark.
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00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,400
[JACKSON WAILS]
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00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,900
I die, Horatio.
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00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,900
[GASPS]
153
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:20,100
The potent poison
quite o'ercrows my spirit.
154
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,800
[JACKSON GASPS]
155
00:08:23,700 --> 00:08:27,100
I cannot live
to hear the news from England,
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00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:33,200
but I do prophesy
th' election lights on Fortinbras.
157
00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:36,900
[JACKSON GASPS]
158
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:41,200
He has my dying voice.
159
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:44,900
The rest is...
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00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:50,100
[WHISPERS]
...silence.
161
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,200
[GASPS]
162
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:03,900
You know, you boys were right.
It's as if I never left.
163
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,000
Hey, Fras.
Just got my alligator pictures back.
164
00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:16,300
- Oh.
- Take a look.
165
00:09:16,700 --> 00:09:18,300
FRASIER:
Mm-hm.
166
00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:20,100
- This?
- That's Captain Pete.
167
00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:21,400
Right.
168
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,700
- That's the gator boat.
- Uh-huh.
169
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,200
- That's the chicken.
- Yeah.
170
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:31,300
Oh, and that's him.
The one I call Snappy.
171
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,000
What's that?
172
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:38,300
Oh, that's Duke's bypass scar.
I had to use up the roll.
173
00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:39,900
[DOORBELL RINGS]
174
00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:42,400
Yes, well, we'll have to look
at these later, Dad. That'd be Niles.
175
00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:43,900
He's here to discuss our show.
176
00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:47,600
You want a show?
Well, take a tip from me, Mr. Producer.
177
00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:53,000
One alligator, one chicken,
one satisfied audience.
178
00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:56,900
Oh, hello, Niles. Come in.
179
00:09:57,100 --> 00:09:58,500
I got your message.
It sounded urgent.
180
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,000
Yes, yes, it's about Jackson.
181
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,800
Oh, please don't tell me
he's getting any worse.
182
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:07,000
Yesterday, I saw the stagehands
passing out earplugs.
183
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,700
It's not his fault. He's only rusty.
184
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,400
After years on that
ridiculous space opera,
185
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:13,900
he's picked up some bad habits.
186
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:17,600
Well, I was fortunate enough to find
a videotape of his one-man show.
187
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:22,700
Once he sees this, it will remind him
of what good acting is.
188
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:26,800
You know, shake loose
the artist from the android.
189
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:31,400
That, sir, is why you are the first Crane
in Crane and Crane Productions.
190
00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:33,200
Thank you, Niles. All right, listen.
191
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,500
Jackson's on his way over here.
Let's take a quick peep at this.
192
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,900
Oh. His Lear. Oh, gosh,
that brings back memories.
193
00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:42,600
Here, let me turn up the volume.
194
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:46,500
JACKSON [ON TV]:
Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks.
195
00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:50,100
Rage! Blow!
196
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:54,000
You cataracts and hurricanoes,
197
00:10:54,300 --> 00:11:00,700
spout till you
have drenched our steeples,
198
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:06,800
drowned the cocks.
199
00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:13,800
He's awful.
200
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,700
The man has no instincts.
201
00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:20,500
Just stinks.
202
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,500
I guess we were
just too young to know it.
203
00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:29,400
Frasier, this is going to be humiliating,
not just for us, but for Jackson.
204
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:31,300
What are we gonna do?
205
00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:34,400
What all good producers do.
206
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,200
We'll shut down
and blame the director.
207
00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:38,600
[DOORBELL RINGS]
208
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,900
That'll be Jackson now.
209
00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:44,300
All we have to do
is get Jackson to bow out gracefully
210
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,400
and we'll refund all the tickets.
211
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,200
Hello, lads.
212
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:52,200
Please, come in, Mr. Hedley.
213
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,600
Ah, you must be the Crane pater.
214
00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:58,300
It is a pleasure to encounter
the headwaters
215
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,100
whence spring these twin rivers
216
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,700
upon which I have launched
my humble craft.
217
00:12:05,900 --> 00:12:07,800
Likewise.
218
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,700
I'm telling you,
one gator, one chicken.
219
00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:19,000
Please, Mr. Hedley,
won't you sit down?
220
00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:20,600
Yeah.
221
00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:23,600
Oh, I see my producers
have long faces.
222
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,500
I think I know why.
223
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,700
- You do?
- Well, it's obvious, isn't it?
224
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,000
It is to us.
225
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:33,500
Well, your worries are at an end.
226
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:37,500
I've fired the director.
The man's a clod.
227
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,100
I mean, not even the stagehands
follow his directions.
228
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:43,800
He shouts at them
and they pretend not to hear.
229
00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:50,000
Mr. Hedley, it's not the director.
230
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,100
- We have a problem.
- What sort of problem?
231
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:54,600
FRASIER:
Let me be frank.
232
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,900
Because an artist of your calibre
deserves honesty.
233
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:02,900
An acting performance
is a journey of discovery.
234
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:07,700
This brief rehearsal time
that we've given you
235
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:13,900
is far too short to reach Parnassus,
236
00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:16,400
home of the muses.
237
00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:20,300
Forgive us for being so blunt.
238
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,500
Oh, I see.
We're getting to the real problem.
239
00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:30,000
I've got untested producers
and they've got the jitters.
240
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:33,000
But not to worry,
it's perfectly natural.
241
00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:35,000
Do you know
I've never worked with producers
242
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:37,900
who haven't wanted to pull the plug
before the opening night?
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00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:43,300
But I won't let you quit.
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00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:45,300
This show is going on.
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00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,100
In the words of our great author:
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Stiffen the sinews,
summon up the blood.
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00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:57,000
Disguise fair nature
with hard-favour'd rage,
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00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:04,200
then lend the eye a terrible aspect.
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00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:11,500
I think he's getting better, don't you?
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00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,700
[AUDIENCE CHATTERING]
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00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,700
MAN:
Fifteen minutes to curtain.
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00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,900
Look out there.
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00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:23,300
Everybody we know is out there.
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00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,500
Look at all those smiling faces,
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00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:31,600
soon to be frozen
in a rictus of revenge.
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00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:36,300
- The place is packed.
- It's standing room only.
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00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:40,700
You know, Niles,
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00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:46,000
I think we may have exceeded
maximum occupancy.
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00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,800
That could be a fire hazard.
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00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,800
It would be a shame if someone
should call the fire marshal
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00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,200
and he should shut us down.
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00:14:56,300 --> 00:14:57,500
Yes, it would.
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00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:01,500
A damn shame if the old phone
in the marshal's office
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00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:03,200
would start to jingle, jing...
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00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:04,900
Just call!
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00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:08,600
- Ten minutes to curtain.
- No, I'm sorry.
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00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:11,300
I believe that your watch
happens to be a tad fast.
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00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,300
It's electromagnetically set
to Greenwich Mean Time.
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00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:15,700
Get me a Sprite.
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00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:19,700
Well?
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00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,600
The marshal will be here
as quickly as he can.
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00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:23,300
Five-alarmer in the paper district.
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00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:25,600
Just our luck.
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00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:27,100
What are we going to do now?
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00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:29,300
Hey, guys.
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00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,100
- Roz.
- This is Jackson Hedley's father.
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00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,300
I found him wandering around
looking for Jackson.
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00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,100
- Lovely to see you.
- Thank God I'm not late.
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00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,900
You know,
I'm Jackson's lucky charm.
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00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:40,500
Do you know he's so superstitious,
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00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,400
one day I didn't turn up
for opening night
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00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,900
and he refused to go on.
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00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,700
Is that so?
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00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:54,400
We must get you to him immediately.
You see, you're at the wrong theatre.
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00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:57,000
Yes, yes, Jackson's performing
clear across town.
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00:15:57,300 --> 00:16:00,500
But the sign outside says
"An Evening with Jackson Hedley."
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00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,500
Yes, I know.
You see, there's been a terrible snafu.
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00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,400
- Snafu.
- With the marquee letters.
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00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:07,200
You see, they got ours,
we got theirs.
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00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,300
- What's playing here?
- Cats.
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00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:14,400
Ah. I love Cats.
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00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,900
Who doesn't?
But surely you love your son more.
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00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:22,500
Yes. Luckily this young lady
knows this town inside out.
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00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,500
Roz, please escort Mr. Hedley
to the Portland Playhouse ASAP.
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00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:27,500
- But...
- There's no time for buts. Do it now.
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00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:30,300
- All right, let's go, Mr. Hedley.
- Oh, please, call me Cecil.
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00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:31,800
All right, Cecil.
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00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:35,700
Do you know, I have
a predilection for brunettes.
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00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,800
[ROZ AND CECIL CHUCKLING]
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00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,400
Shall we go break
the bad news to our star?
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00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:43,600
Yes.
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00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:45,400
[SINGING]
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00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:47,800
Mr. Hedley,
I'm afraid we have some bad news.
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00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:51,200
It's about your father.
It seems his plane is going to be late.
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00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,200
You mean my father
won't make it for the show?
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00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,100
We know this must be
devastating to you.
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00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:57,500
On the contrary.
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00:16:57,700 --> 00:16:59,800
For once my performance
won't be inhibited
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00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,500
by that judgemental nitpicker.
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00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:06,900
Tonight I can really cut loose.
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00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:11,900
Those seats in the very back row
will be rattling.
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00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,500
That is good news.
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00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:17,700
Five minutes to curtain.
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00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,600
And now, if you'll excuse me,
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00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:23,400
it's time to centre.
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00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:32,500
Any more ideas?
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00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:36,300
These are the producers.
The fire marshal's here.
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00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:39,400
Do you guys have any idea
how many people you got out there?
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00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:41,000
You're way over capacity.
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00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:43,200
You're not going to shut us down,
are you?
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00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:47,100
Frasier, I knew we shouldn't have
added all those dry wooden seats.
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00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:50,900
Well, maybe next time
you'll know better.
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00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,800
Has anyone seen my other skull?
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00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:54,800
Mr. Hedley,
I'm afraid we have some bad news.
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00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,100
Hey, you're Tobor.
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00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,100
Correct.
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00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:00,800
I used to watch your show
all the time.
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00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,800
I even have that old Playboy when
Space Princess Alexa did that spread.
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00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:08,500
The one on the lava rocks.
Yes, I've got that one too.
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00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,300
MARSHAL: I didn't know
he was the one performing tonight.
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00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,300
I'll let you guys stay open
on one condition:
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00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,000
I get to watch the show.
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00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:19,100
- We're out of seats.
- It's okay. I'll sit in the aisle.
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00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,800
- Three minutes to curtain.
- Ah, here's the right one.
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00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:29,500
Well, we may as well
just take our lumps.
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00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:33,100
No, no, we're not
going to take any lumps.
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00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:35,500
Desperate times
call for desperate measures. L...
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00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:37,800
- What are you doing?
- Yes, yes.
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00:18:38,300 --> 00:18:40,300
All right, l...
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00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:42,300
Shield yourself, Niles,
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00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:47,400
for the rain, it raineth every day.
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00:18:57,900 --> 00:19:00,200
This place really is a deathtrap.
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00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,000
This is hopeless.
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00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:06,900
I managed to shake that woman.
I want to see Cats.
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00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:09,800
- Son.
- Father.
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00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,900
My good-luck charm.
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00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:14,900
Oh, my God! Oh!
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00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:16,600
Mr. Hedley, are you all right?
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00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,600
JACKSON:
I think I've broken something.
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00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,100
- Oh, my God.
NILES: Call an ambulance.
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00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,900
- Make sure Mr. Hedley's comfortable.
- Yes.
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00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:27,200
Dear God, Niles, I feel horrible.
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00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,400
It's as if we wished it
and it happened.
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00:19:30,700 --> 00:19:34,000
Half of me feels guilty.
The other half feels relieved.
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00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,700
Actually, it's more 30-70.
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00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,800
Well, I guess I'd better go out
and make an announcement.
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00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,700
If I may have your attention,
ladies and gentlemen.
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00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,000
Tonight, my brother,
Niles Crane, and I
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00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:59,600
had hoped to bring a great talent
back to the stage.
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00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:02,900
A truly, truly gifted actor.
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00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:05,900
A man we greatly admire.
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00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:07,800
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,600
Yes, yes.
364
00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:15,400
Yes, yes,
he does deserve your applause,
365
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:21,800
but in a tragedy befitting
of the Bard himself, it seems that...
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00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:30,000
It seems he's ready to begin.
367
00:20:31,100 --> 00:20:32,700
Ladies and gentlemen,
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00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,900
I bring you now
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00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:42,400
to a hall in Elsinore castle.
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00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:50,100
[WAILING]
371
00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:54,600
I die, Horatio.
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00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,700
[GASPS]
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00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,300
[INAUDIBLE DIALOG]