1
00:00:09,197 --> 00:00:11,574
Go ahead, Sophie, I'm listening.
2
00:00:11,658 --> 00:00:13,409
SOPHIE [ON PHONE]: Hi, Dr. Crane.
3
00:00:13,493 --> 00:00:15,453
My husband's having some friends over
4
00:00:15,537 --> 00:00:16,996
to watch the game on Sunday.
5
00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:20,459
I think it'd be nice if some of my
girlfriends could come over too.
6
00:00:20,626 --> 00:00:22,628
-Sounds reasonable.
-Exactly.
7
00:00:22,712 --> 00:00:24,171
I mean, it's just football.
8
00:00:24,255 --> 00:00:28,092
LARRY [ON PHONE]: Not
football, Einstein. The Super Bowl.
9
00:00:28,384 --> 00:00:30,845
Ah. That would be your doting husband now.
10
00:00:31,012 --> 00:00:33,849
SOPHIE: Larry, this is
a private conversation.
11
00:00:34,016 --> 00:00:36,059
And for God's sakes, use a plate.
12
00:00:37,102 --> 00:00:39,229
Why don't you put your
husband on the line?
13
00:00:39,313 --> 00:00:42,357
-SOPHIE: Pick up.
-LARRY: Aw, jeez. Hello?
14
00:00:42,524 --> 00:00:46,988
Larry, I gotta tell you, I'm afraid
I side with your wife on this one.
15
00:00:47,155 --> 00:00:49,782
LARRY: That just proves you don't
know the first thing about football.
16
00:00:49,866 --> 00:00:51,784
What I do or do not
know about football has…
17
00:00:51,868 --> 00:00:54,412
LARRY: How's this?
My wife's friends can come over
18
00:00:54,579 --> 00:00:57,415
if you can answer one
little football question. Like…
19
00:00:57,582 --> 00:00:58,792
I don't see that's necess…
20
00:00:58,876 --> 00:01:00,710
LARRY: You're down by six.
You're on your own 40.
21
00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:02,546
Three seconds left. What do you do?
22
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:05,549
Well, all right. You would…
23
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,887
You would take your receivers
24
00:01:11,556 --> 00:01:13,266
and line them up
25
00:01:13,933 --> 00:01:15,727
and then throw a pass.
26
00:01:15,935 --> 00:01:17,520
A long, long pass.
27
00:01:17,687 --> 00:01:19,564
LARRY: And what's the name for that?
28
00:01:23,276 --> 00:01:25,237
A Hail Mary.
29
00:01:25,988 --> 00:01:28,407
Sophie and Larry, I
hope you enjoy the game.
30
00:01:28,616 --> 00:01:34,372
In the meanwhile, this is Coach
Crane saying, I'm listening.
31
00:01:35,539 --> 00:01:37,458
I'm impressed. You're so good at charades.
32
00:01:37,542 --> 00:01:40,629
I'm impressed you could mime a virgin.
33
00:01:43,215 --> 00:01:45,008
So, Roz, are you walking out?
34
00:01:45,175 --> 00:01:48,261
No, I got stuff to do.
I've got some cards to rack
35
00:01:48,428 --> 00:01:50,889
and I wanna put together
some Best of Crane tapes.
36
00:01:50,973 --> 00:01:53,642
-Oh, your mother's still in town?
-In town, in my apartment.
37
00:01:53,726 --> 00:01:56,520
And when I left this morning, in
my refrigerator, smelling my milk.
38
00:01:56,604 --> 00:01:58,189
-Oh, Lord.
-I love her,
39
00:01:58,356 --> 00:02:00,816
I just wish I could get a couple
of hours to myself one night.
40
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:02,611
Why don't you just ask her?
41
00:02:02,695 --> 00:02:05,280
She might enjoy time to herself.
I know my dad does.
42
00:02:05,489 --> 00:02:09,451
You are so lucky.
I wish my mother drank alone.
43
00:02:11,286 --> 00:02:15,040
You know, Roz, your mom's about
the same age as my dad, isn't she?
44
00:02:15,208 --> 00:02:17,752
-Yeah, I guess.
-Does she date much?
45
00:02:17,961 --> 00:02:20,714
Since my father left?
Practically never. No, hang on.
46
00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:22,298
No, no, hear me out, Roz.
47
00:02:22,465 --> 00:02:25,135
Dad hasn't dated anybody
since he and Sherry broke up.
48
00:02:25,343 --> 00:02:27,261
I'm starting to worry he's lost his nerve.
49
00:02:27,345 --> 00:02:30,391
A date with your mom could
be a tremendous favor to him.
50
00:02:30,599 --> 00:02:32,852
-I don't know.
-Come on, I'll tell you what.
51
00:02:33,060 --> 00:02:34,686
It's awkward, but we can minimize that.
52
00:02:34,770 --> 00:02:36,396
Niles and I are having dinner with him.
53
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,649
We'll take him to McGinty's,
he'll feel comfortable.
54
00:02:38,733 --> 00:02:40,317
You and your mom can happen by.
55
00:02:40,401 --> 00:02:43,196
We'll see what transpires.
They'll never even know it's a fix-up.
56
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,282
Oh, what the hell. I'll give it a shot.
57
00:02:45,449 --> 00:02:46,992
-Okay.
-How does 5:00 sound?
58
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,036
Five? Your mother's ready for dinner at 5:00?
59
00:02:50,245 --> 00:02:53,248
I keep her on Wisconsin time.
That way, she's in bed by 8:00.
60
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,718
MARTIN: Hey, look what I got here, boys.
61
00:03:03,885 --> 00:03:05,470
A Funyun Onion.
62
00:03:05,636 --> 00:03:07,765
The chef sent it over
with his compliments.
63
00:03:08,223 --> 00:03:09,724
I wonder what his insults are like.
64
00:03:09,808 --> 00:03:10,851
[NILES CHUCKLES]
65
00:03:11,018 --> 00:03:13,437
-Hey, Bonnie.
-Hey, Marty.
66
00:03:13,645 --> 00:03:15,397
-You must be Frasier,
-Why, yes.
67
00:03:15,564 --> 00:03:17,148
-The big radio star.
-Hello.
68
00:03:17,232 --> 00:03:19,527
-Your dad is so proud of you.
-Oh, Dad.
69
00:03:19,694 --> 00:03:23,740
He talks about you all the time.
Who's your friend?
70
00:03:23,907 --> 00:03:24,991
[MARTIN CHUCKLES]
71
00:03:25,158 --> 00:03:28,036
Now, what's wrong with you?
I told you about my other son.
72
00:03:28,244 --> 00:03:32,374
Oh, of course. What am I thinking?
Nice to meet you, Eddie.
73
00:03:34,752 --> 00:03:36,628
This is Niles. How about some beers?
74
00:03:36,712 --> 00:03:37,922
BONNIE: Coming right up.
75
00:03:40,424 --> 00:03:41,634
-Oh, God.
-What?
76
00:03:41,842 --> 00:03:45,305
The group coming in the door.
They're from the Shangri-La.
77
00:03:45,514 --> 00:03:48,183
-Whoa, it's the Coyote! Hey!
-Yes, hello.
78
00:03:48,350 --> 00:03:51,269
Evening, evening, Jimbo. Check you later.
79
00:03:51,436 --> 00:03:53,104
[MARTIN LAUGHS]
80
00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:55,523
Wow, you got a nickname already.
81
00:03:55,607 --> 00:03:57,567
-That's great. The Coyote?
-NILES: Yes.
82
00:03:57,776 --> 00:04:00,404
-And how did you earn that honorific?
-NILES: Ooh…
83
00:04:00,613 --> 00:04:02,532
It was quite the merry road, yes.
84
00:04:02,698 --> 00:04:06,911
It evolved from Niles to
Nilesy to Niley to Nile E. Coyote
85
00:04:07,078 --> 00:04:09,455
and now, simply, the Coyote.
86
00:04:09,622 --> 00:04:10,915
[HOWLING]
87
00:04:13,043 --> 00:04:16,839
Well, just when I thought it
couldn't be refined any further.
88
00:04:17,422 --> 00:04:21,802
Oh. Goodness, look who's here. Roz!
89
00:04:21,969 --> 00:04:24,722
What? We don't see enough
of each other during the day?
90
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:27,141
FRASIER: isn't this amazing?
91
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,893
Hello, Joanna.
92
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,980
-It's nice to see you again.
-Nice to see you again too.
93
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:33,731
Please, won't you join us?
94
00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:35,400
No, we don't want to intrude.
95
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:38,070
Oh, no, no, no, please,
the more, the merrier.
96
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:40,990
All right.
Mom, this is Frasier's dad, Martin Crane.
97
00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:43,867
-This is my mother, Joanna Doyle.
-Nice to meet you.
98
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:46,036
-And this is my other son, Niles.
-How do you do?
99
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,537
-It's a pleasure.
-Likewise.
100
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,959
Roz, would you just
look at the two of them?
101
00:04:51,126 --> 00:04:53,211
How did you two manage to finish all that?
102
00:04:53,295 --> 00:04:56,590
Oh, please, this is how our
generation ate every day.
103
00:04:56,798 --> 00:05:00,927
I used to live on cigarettes, whiskey
sours and bacon cheeseburgers.
104
00:05:01,511 --> 00:05:03,097
Yeah, and what about breakfast?
105
00:05:03,264 --> 00:05:05,474
Fried eggs, sausage patties, hash browns.
106
00:05:05,641 --> 00:05:07,935
My God. Last night, I ate a profiterole
107
00:05:08,102 --> 00:05:10,702
and lay awake till dawn,
waiting for my heart attack.
108
00:05:12,356 --> 00:05:14,650
Those were simpler
times, weren't they, Marty?
109
00:05:14,734 --> 00:05:17,905
Oh, yeah, we didn't worry about
dumb things like cholesterol.
110
00:05:18,071 --> 00:05:19,948
We worried about
putting food on the table,
111
00:05:20,032 --> 00:05:22,409
keeping the yard clean and the car shiny.
112
00:05:22,576 --> 00:05:26,163
-And the H-bomb.
-Well, yeah, right.
113
00:05:26,330 --> 00:05:29,667
Roz, we better get going if we're
gonna get our work done tonight.
114
00:05:29,876 --> 00:05:31,169
I should be running too.
115
00:05:31,377 --> 00:05:33,879
But Mom and I are going
to that jazz club on 5th.
116
00:05:33,963 --> 00:05:36,758
But we promised to finish
those promos tonight.
117
00:05:36,925 --> 00:05:38,259
Oh, right.
118
00:05:38,426 --> 00:05:41,221
-Mom, I'm sorry. I totally forgot.
-It's okay.
119
00:05:41,388 --> 00:05:46,185
Wait, I've got an idea.
Dad, since I'm kidnapping Roz,
120
00:05:46,352 --> 00:05:48,186
why don't you take
Joanna to the jazz club?
121
00:05:48,270 --> 00:05:49,563
Well, sure, I'd love to.
122
00:05:49,772 --> 00:05:52,607
-Is that okay with you?
-If Martin's game, I'm game.
123
00:05:52,691 --> 00:05:53,944
-Well, perfect.
-Great.
124
00:05:54,110 --> 00:05:56,404
Okay, you kids just have some coffee.
125
00:05:56,571 --> 00:05:58,740
We'll see you back at the apartment later.
126
00:05:58,907 --> 00:06:00,075
MARTIN: All right.
127
00:06:00,241 --> 00:06:03,662
-It was very, very nice to meet you.
-Thank you.
128
00:06:03,870 --> 00:06:06,916
Look at them.
They think we don't know this is a setup.
129
00:06:07,083 --> 00:06:08,750
Well, how could we figure it out?
130
00:06:08,834 --> 00:06:12,213
We're just a retired detective
and an attorney general.
131
00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:15,549
You were right.
They didn't suspect a thing.
132
00:06:15,716 --> 00:06:17,969
I told you, Roz, just
leave it to the master.
133
00:06:20,472 --> 00:06:23,058
God, I thought they'd be home by now.
134
00:06:23,225 --> 00:06:27,479
Roz, would you please relax
and watch the pageant with us?
135
00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:30,023
They're right in the middle
of the talent competition.
136
00:06:30,107 --> 00:06:33,402
It's shameless the way they're sucking
up to the international panel of judges.
137
00:06:33,486 --> 00:06:37,490
Miss Germany just played "Lady
of Spain" on her French horn.
138
00:06:37,699 --> 00:06:40,200
At least it wasn't half as bad
as that tone-deaf performance
139
00:06:40,284 --> 00:06:43,204
by the aptly named Miss Singapore.
140
00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:48,836
You're gonna chew that nail off. Stop it.
141
00:06:49,003 --> 00:06:52,422
I can't help it. I'm nervous.
Do you think it's gonna turn out okay?
142
00:06:52,506 --> 00:06:54,257
-Who cares?
-DAPHNE: Not for Miss Brazil.
143
00:06:54,341 --> 00:06:56,676
Look at the tree trunks on her.
She's her own little rainforest.
144
00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:57,845
[FRASIER LAUGHS]
145
00:07:00,598 --> 00:07:03,017
I just keep worrying that
she's gonna have a lousy time
146
00:07:03,101 --> 00:07:06,187
and it'll be all my fault.
Screwing up, like always.
147
00:07:06,271 --> 00:07:08,857
Oh, your mother doesn't
think you're a screw-up.
148
00:07:09,024 --> 00:07:13,279
Yeah? In high school, I ran my
own informal shoplifting clinic.
149
00:07:13,446 --> 00:07:15,280
In college, I dropped out of pre-law
150
00:07:15,364 --> 00:07:19,035
because it interfered with Bruce
Springsteen's touring schedule.
151
00:07:19,201 --> 00:07:21,287
And now, I am currently an unwed mother.
152
00:07:21,454 --> 00:07:23,164
-What would you call me?
-Tramp.
153
00:07:23,664 --> 00:07:24,708
Daphne!
154
00:07:26,043 --> 00:07:27,627
It's Miss Venezuela.
155
00:07:27,836 --> 00:07:31,882
If that dress of hers was slit any
higher, you could see Caracas.
156
00:07:33,258 --> 00:07:35,886
Oh.
Oh, Roz, so what if they don't get along?
157
00:07:36,053 --> 00:07:37,903
I mean, my God, so we made a mistake.
158
00:07:38,097 --> 00:07:40,516
You don't understand.
My mother doesn't make mistakes.
159
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:44,645
She does everything well.
She's smart, successful, classy.
160
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:47,231
Oh, what the hell was I thinking?
161
00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:50,819
About what? Setting her up with my father?
162
00:07:51,028 --> 00:07:54,323
-No, that's not what I meant.
-That is exactly what you meant.
163
00:07:54,531 --> 00:07:56,200
Well, okay, Frasier.
164
00:07:56,366 --> 00:07:59,411
No offense, your father is
a nice man, but let's face it.
165
00:07:59,578 --> 00:08:02,832
My mother was the attorney
general of Wisconsin.
166
00:08:03,041 --> 00:08:07,337
Well, I hope he remembers to
curtsy before the Dairy Queen.
167
00:08:08,171 --> 00:08:10,799
This is ridiculous.
I'm gonna watch this in my room.
168
00:08:10,965 --> 00:08:14,719
Miss Finland just laid out her plan
to end world hunger and I missed it.
169
00:08:14,886 --> 00:08:16,055
[DOOR OPENING]
170
00:08:16,222 --> 00:08:18,766
-Oh, Lord, okay. Um…
-They're back.
171
00:08:19,683 --> 00:08:22,520
Oh, Roz, that is the best promo of all.
172
00:08:22,686 --> 00:08:25,231
ROZ: Oh, hi. How was your evening?
173
00:08:25,397 --> 00:08:29,820
Oh, the jazz was first-rate, but
I'm afraid I talked Martin's ear off.
174
00:08:29,986 --> 00:08:32,780
Oh, you're crazy.
Your mother tells wonderful stories.
175
00:08:32,864 --> 00:08:34,824
I could have listened to her all night.
176
00:08:34,908 --> 00:08:36,701
You're either too kind or a little tipsy.
177
00:08:36,785 --> 00:08:38,370
But thank you.
178
00:08:38,578 --> 00:08:40,621
-Come on, Lambie.
-Let me get my coat.
179
00:08:40,705 --> 00:08:42,166
I really had a lovely time.
180
00:08:42,250 --> 00:08:44,418
I can't remember when I had a better time.
181
00:08:44,502 --> 00:08:46,253
We're gonna have to do this again.
182
00:08:46,337 --> 00:08:48,256
-Bye, Frasier.
-Good night, Joanna.
183
00:08:48,464 --> 00:08:50,675
-Lambie.
-MARTIN: Bye.
184
00:08:52,093 --> 00:08:56,515
So tell me all about it. Come on.
185
00:08:56,723 --> 00:08:59,017
Well, being a gentleman, I
don't wanna go into details.
186
00:08:59,101 --> 00:09:04,022
-So suffice it to say, it stunk!
-What?
187
00:09:04,231 --> 00:09:06,650
That was the dullest evening of my life.
188
00:09:06,817 --> 00:09:09,445
-The way she drones on and on.
-Oh, no.
189
00:09:09,612 --> 00:09:11,447
Do you know how many metric tons of eggs
190
00:09:11,531 --> 00:09:13,157
Wisconsin produces every year?
191
00:09:13,241 --> 00:09:15,326
-No.
-Well, I do.
192
00:09:15,535 --> 00:09:17,537
Look, Frasier, I know you meant well.
193
00:09:17,745 --> 00:09:21,345
But if you ever set me up again,
I'll kill you in your sleep. Good night.
194
00:09:22,251 --> 00:09:24,336
[KNOCKING]
195
00:09:26,547 --> 00:09:27,590
Roz.
196
00:09:27,756 --> 00:09:30,759
I told my mom to meet me downstairs.
I just had to come up and tell you.
197
00:09:30,843 --> 00:09:32,469
She had the best time.
198
00:09:32,553 --> 00:09:34,555
She can't wait to go out
with your father again.
199
00:09:34,639 --> 00:09:36,975
Will you tell him to call her tomorrow?
200
00:09:37,142 --> 00:09:39,686
Frasier, this whole thing
worked out like a dream.
201
00:09:39,895 --> 00:09:44,941
It's amazing.
Her voice is still echoing in my head.
202
00:09:45,902 --> 00:09:48,321
Yes, it's like a fairy tale over here too.
203
00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:49,780
Oh!
204
00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:56,120
I've just got to find
some way to tell Roz.
205
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:59,041
Well, why?
It's just gonna hurt her mom's feelings.
206
00:09:59,208 --> 00:10:01,000
Her feelings are gonna be hurt anyway.
207
00:10:01,084 --> 00:10:03,711
She's here till Sunday.
She's expecting him to call.
208
00:10:03,795 --> 00:10:05,297
Oh, dear God.
209
00:10:05,464 --> 00:10:08,133
At least this way, Roz
can let her down easy.
210
00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:11,220
It looks like both of us have
difficult conversations ahead of us.
211
00:10:11,304 --> 00:10:12,889
-What's yours?
-All week long,
212
00:10:13,056 --> 00:10:16,726
I have been getting less coffee
and more foam in my cappuccino.
213
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,854
It's about time for someone to raise hell.
214
00:10:20,063 --> 00:10:21,231
Who's on steamer duty?
215
00:10:21,439 --> 00:10:23,941
Well, it's that hulking fellow, Thad.
216
00:10:24,025 --> 00:10:27,321
The one who doesn't react when
his arm touches the steamer nozzle.
217
00:10:30,532 --> 00:10:32,576
Where is that suggestion box?
218
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,082
-ROZ: Oh, hey, Frasier.
-Oh, Roz, hi.
219
00:10:37,249 --> 00:10:39,459
Double espresso to go, please.
220
00:10:39,626 --> 00:10:41,294
I really need to thank you again.
221
00:10:41,461 --> 00:10:43,546
My mother had the best time last night.
222
00:10:43,713 --> 00:10:46,091
And when we got home, we started talking.
223
00:10:46,299 --> 00:10:47,884
We ended up staying up half the night.
224
00:10:47,968 --> 00:10:50,804
-Oh, Roz, I'm glad for you, but…
-it was like a wall came down.
225
00:10:50,888 --> 00:10:53,099
She just opened up to me.
226
00:10:53,266 --> 00:10:55,392
She started telling me
about how hard it was on her
227
00:10:55,476 --> 00:10:58,354
when my dad left and
how lonely she's been.
228
00:10:58,896 --> 00:11:00,856
It was like she was
talking to a girlfriend,
229
00:11:00,940 --> 00:11:02,859
instead of her screw-up daughter.
230
00:11:03,026 --> 00:11:04,861
So has Martin called her yet?
231
00:11:05,612 --> 00:11:10,117
No. But he will, soon. Uh…
232
00:11:10,575 --> 00:11:11,952
He had a busy morning.
233
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,830
How does his weekend look?
She's leaving Sunday night.
234
00:11:14,997 --> 00:11:16,708
Sunday? Oh, well, let's see.
235
00:11:16,874 --> 00:11:20,795
Tonight is poker night.
That's no good. Uh…
236
00:11:21,004 --> 00:11:25,633
Saturday, he's made plans
to drive Duke to Tacoma
237
00:11:25,842 --> 00:11:30,097
for that all-day Tacoma fest.
238
00:11:31,015 --> 00:11:34,768
Well, and Sunday we go to a matinee
and then I drive her to the airport.
239
00:11:34,935 --> 00:11:36,353
Oh, darn.
240
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:39,564
Wait a minute, I can give my ticket
to Martin and they can go together.
241
00:11:39,648 --> 00:11:41,651
No, no, no, Sunday's
no good, because that's…
242
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:44,570
-Oh, right. It's the Super Bowl.
-Right. The Super Bowl.
243
00:11:44,654 --> 00:11:47,573
And you know how Dad is about football.
It's like a religion to him.
244
00:11:47,657 --> 00:11:50,910
In fact, he's made Niles and I promise
that we'd watch it with him this year.
245
00:11:50,994 --> 00:11:53,120
Oh, well, okay, let's just
forget about the tickets
246
00:11:53,204 --> 00:11:55,916
and we'll come over to your
place and watch the game.
247
00:11:56,125 --> 00:11:58,125
Is there any reason why that won't work?
248
00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:00,046
-Not that I can come up with.
-Oh.
249
00:12:01,422 --> 00:12:03,215
That's great.
My mom's gonna be so excited.
250
00:12:03,299 --> 00:12:04,342
FRASIER: Oh.
251
00:12:04,508 --> 00:12:05,968
-Oh, thank you, Niles.
-Oh, yeah.
252
00:12:06,052 --> 00:12:08,722
I'll see you Sunday at
your Super Bowl party.
253
00:12:11,975 --> 00:12:15,479
I see you told Roz the
news and she went insane.
254
00:12:17,564 --> 00:12:18,690
Couldn't do it.
255
00:12:19,316 --> 00:12:21,694
Told her we were watching
the Super Bowl with Dad,
256
00:12:21,778 --> 00:12:23,612
and she and her mother are coming over.
257
00:12:23,696 --> 00:12:24,864
This is a nightmare.
258
00:12:25,031 --> 00:12:27,616
I know, I know.
I've got to find some way to tell Dad.
259
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:30,745
I have to watch the Super Bowl?
260
00:12:31,829 --> 00:12:33,915
Suppose the sooner I tell him, the better.
261
00:12:33,999 --> 00:12:35,793
Oh, not necessarily.
262
00:12:36,001 --> 00:12:38,045
-What do you mean?
-Well, you know Dad.
263
00:12:38,253 --> 00:12:41,047
If you warn him Joanna's coming
over, he'll just bolt to McGinty's.
264
00:12:41,131 --> 00:12:43,758
If I were you, I would wait till
five minutes before game time,
265
00:12:43,842 --> 00:12:46,512
then spring it on him.
That way, he has no choice but to stay.
266
00:12:46,596 --> 00:12:48,931
Well, I think I owe him more
than five minutes' warning.
267
00:12:49,015 --> 00:12:51,434
Besides that, Dad would
never deliberately hurt Joanna
268
00:12:51,518 --> 00:12:52,852
by standing her up.
269
00:12:53,019 --> 00:12:55,146
He is first and foremost a gentleman.
270
00:12:55,355 --> 00:12:56,898
I saw Roz, so I hid outside
271
00:12:57,065 --> 00:13:00,611
in case that old gasbag
of a mother was with her.
272
00:13:02,113 --> 00:13:05,408
Well, I guess she wasn't.
Everybody's still awake.
273
00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:15,127
MARTIN: Here we go.
274
00:13:15,293 --> 00:13:16,961
Look at those guys in the locker room.
275
00:13:17,045 --> 00:13:20,549
Nervous, hearts pounding,
probably a little sick to their stomachs.
276
00:13:20,715 --> 00:13:22,300
-The poor kids.
-Yes.
277
00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:23,801
Until I got out of high school,
278
00:13:23,885 --> 00:13:26,985
I didn't know there was any
other way to feel in a locker room.
279
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,641
What's the matter with you?
You keep looking at your watch.
280
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:30,810
-Was I?
-Yeah.
281
00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:32,519
Is there something on your mind?
282
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:33,896
No. No, no, no.
283
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,982
But there's something I need to talk
to you about, but now is not the time.
284
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,193
[DOORBELL RINGS]
285
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,403
-Now is the time.
-Just let me get the door.
286
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,887
No, Dad, that's what I
have to talk to you about.
287
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:47,703
See, that's gonna be Roz and her mother.
288
00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:49,371
-What?
-Well,
289
00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:51,832
Joanna had such a good
time with you the other night,
290
00:13:51,916 --> 00:13:54,085
and you did say that
you would see her again.
291
00:13:54,169 --> 00:13:56,337
Rather than send her
home with her feelings hurt,
292
00:13:56,421 --> 00:13:58,923
-I told her you wanted her here.
-What, like a date?
293
00:13:59,007 --> 00:14:02,107
That's the beauty of it.
It's like a date, but it's not a date.
294
00:14:02,469 --> 00:14:05,119
You just, you know, make small talk.
You pass the dip.
295
00:14:05,222 --> 00:14:06,922
No, Frasier, you don't understand.
296
00:14:07,057 --> 00:14:09,976
Look, Dad, I know that you found
her a little less than scintillating,
297
00:14:10,060 --> 00:14:12,260
but please, it'll be
over before you know it.
298
00:14:13,022 --> 00:14:14,189
-FRASIER: Oh.
-Hey, Frasier.
299
00:14:14,273 --> 00:14:15,373
-Hi, Bonnie.
-Martin.
300
00:14:15,524 --> 00:14:19,362
Hey, Bonnie, glad you could make it.
Let me hold that, yes.
301
00:14:19,529 --> 00:14:21,697
See, this is what I was
trying to tell you, Frasier.
302
00:14:21,781 --> 00:14:23,867
-I invited Bonnie.
-Oh, how nice.
303
00:14:24,326 --> 00:14:25,576
So, what do you got here?
304
00:14:25,702 --> 00:14:28,246
Oh, it's my special deviled
ham in the shape of a football.
305
00:14:28,330 --> 00:14:29,373
Oh.
306
00:14:29,540 --> 00:14:31,500
But I still need to put
on some macaroni laces.
307
00:14:31,584 --> 00:14:33,544
Oh, okay.
Well, the kitchen's right down there.
308
00:14:33,628 --> 00:14:35,963
Just holler if you need anything.
309
00:14:38,633 --> 00:14:39,925
What did you invite her for?
310
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:42,178
I like her, I thought I
might want to ask her out
311
00:14:42,262 --> 00:14:45,056
and if she came over, that'd
be a step in the right direction.
312
00:14:45,140 --> 00:14:47,058
You know, I mean, like
a date, but not a date.
313
00:14:47,142 --> 00:14:48,644
[DOORBELL RINGS]
314
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,104
That's gonna be Roz and her mother.
315
00:14:51,188 --> 00:14:53,022
Should I put some
coffee on while I'm here?
316
00:14:53,106 --> 00:14:55,235
You better. We're gonna need it.
317
00:14:55,401 --> 00:14:58,988
Come on, would it kill you to be
civil for the length of one Super Bowl?
318
00:14:59,197 --> 00:15:01,199
What is that, an hour out of your life?
319
00:15:01,366 --> 00:15:03,910
-Hi.
-Hi. Oh, sorry, come on in.
320
00:15:04,077 --> 00:15:07,873
-Thank you so much for inviting us.
-It wouldn't be any fun without you.
321
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,292
Could you show my mom
where Alice can finish her nap?
322
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:11,793
I'm sure Dad would love to. Dad?
323
00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:14,421
My pleasure, yeah.
Just come this way, Joanna.
324
00:15:14,588 --> 00:15:15,881
So you're a big football fan?
325
00:15:15,965 --> 00:15:17,924
No, actually, I've never even seen a game.
326
00:15:18,008 --> 00:15:21,429
I was hoping you would
explain as we go along.
327
00:15:23,431 --> 00:15:25,100
Okay, who's hungry?
328
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,394
Oh, hi, I'm Bonnie.
329
00:15:27,602 --> 00:15:31,022
Hi. From McGinty's.
Oh, I didn't know you were coming.
330
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:35,236
Yeah, Martin invited me.
He was real cute about it.
331
00:15:35,444 --> 00:15:38,544
He checked with all the
waitresses to find out if I was single.
332
00:15:38,823 --> 00:15:40,283
Oh.
333
00:15:40,449 --> 00:15:42,826
Yes, well, you know how Dad is.
He's always trying to…
334
00:15:42,910 --> 00:15:44,745
Hey, hey, the Coyote.
335
00:15:45,789 --> 00:15:47,749
…find a new girl for Niles.
336
00:15:47,916 --> 00:15:50,376
Niles, you remember Bonnie.
She waited on us at McGinty's.
337
00:15:50,460 --> 00:15:53,463
Oh, yes, of course.
I'll have a vodka martini, very dry.
338
00:15:53,630 --> 00:15:55,132
FRASIER: Ha, ha, ha.
339
00:15:55,340 --> 00:15:57,509
Don't be silly, Niles.
Bonnie is here as our guest.
340
00:15:57,593 --> 00:15:59,943
Yeah, your dad thought
you two might hit it off.
341
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:02,932
-Oh.
-Oh.
342
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:07,353
The Super Bowl and a date. Hot diggity.
343
00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:12,067
Well, come here.
You're just in time for my specialty.
344
00:16:12,276 --> 00:16:14,236
Mm. Mmm.
345
00:16:14,612 --> 00:16:18,324
Isn't that interesting?
Something formerly ham.
346
00:16:20,909 --> 00:16:23,828
-Well, I'm off to the cinema.
-You're not staying for the game?
347
00:16:23,912 --> 00:16:25,957
Sorry, but American football's not for me.
348
00:16:26,041 --> 00:16:28,543
And they're showing
Wuthering Heights downtown.
349
00:16:28,710 --> 00:16:31,010
I think it's the most
romantic movie ever made.
350
00:16:31,129 --> 00:16:33,673
-You're going alone?
-DAPHNE: Yes, unfortunately.
351
00:16:33,882 --> 00:16:35,299
It's more fun to go with someone.
352
00:16:35,383 --> 00:16:37,469
Except, of course, it
always ends the same way.
353
00:16:37,553 --> 00:16:39,263
Me weeping all over me date's shoulder,
354
00:16:39,347 --> 00:16:41,265
while he does what he can to comfort me.
355
00:16:41,349 --> 00:16:44,499
Well, you should've seen me
cry putting onions in this ham loaf.
356
00:16:44,602 --> 00:16:48,147
I must have gone through
a whole roll of toilet paper.
357
00:16:50,317 --> 00:16:53,487
Well, enjoy your game.
358
00:16:54,112 --> 00:16:56,657
Frasier, may I see you in the kitchen?
359
00:16:58,283 --> 00:17:00,827
That's amazing. You do all that you do
360
00:17:00,994 --> 00:17:05,875
and still have time to be a docent at
the cheese museum on the weekends.
361
00:17:06,042 --> 00:17:07,793
Frasier, can I see you in the kitchen?
362
00:17:07,877 --> 00:17:10,880
Just a second, Dad.
I gotta take drink orders in here.
363
00:17:14,175 --> 00:17:17,680
Thanks for setting me up
with that SPAM-happy tootsie.
364
00:17:18,597 --> 00:17:19,806
What are you talking about?
365
00:17:19,890 --> 00:17:22,440
Bonnie. Frasier told me
you invited her here for me.
366
00:17:22,559 --> 00:17:25,061
I invited her here for me.
He said I invited her for you
367
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,397
because he didn't wanna
hurt Miss Boring's feelings.
368
00:17:27,481 --> 00:17:31,319
Now, now, no private conversations.
Your dates are waiting.
369
00:17:31,528 --> 00:17:33,863
-They're not our dates.
-We hate them.
370
00:17:35,657 --> 00:17:38,284
Now, listen, I realize that
this is a very difficult situation,
371
00:17:38,368 --> 00:17:41,872
but if we all cooperate, we can
send everybody home happy.
372
00:17:42,081 --> 00:17:43,708
And, Dad, if you would like,
373
00:17:43,916 --> 00:17:47,253
you can discreetly take Bonnie
aside and tell her what's going on.
374
00:17:47,837 --> 00:17:50,589
-Bonnie, can I tell you something?
-I said discreetly.
375
00:17:52,091 --> 00:17:54,009
I think the game is about to start.
376
00:17:54,176 --> 00:17:56,846
Oh, that reminds me.
I wanna get Alice's bottle warming.
377
00:17:56,930 --> 00:18:00,308
-Oh, you have a baby?
-Oh, the most adorable little girl.
378
00:18:00,475 --> 00:18:02,769
Yeah, she's a real beaut.
You ought to see her, Bonnie.
379
00:18:02,853 --> 00:18:05,938
-You can come when I feed her.
-No, you go ahead and get that ready.
380
00:18:06,022 --> 00:18:07,816
I'll show Bonnie.
It's right through there.
381
00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:10,500
Now, Dad, don't you get
fresh with Niles' girl there.
382
00:18:10,653 --> 00:18:12,822
Oh, I won't if he won't.
383
00:18:14,907 --> 00:18:18,035
Your father is really smitten
with that baby, isn't he?
384
00:18:18,244 --> 00:18:20,538
I think he's just got a weak
spot for the Doyle women.
385
00:18:20,622 --> 00:18:21,957
-Oh, now.
-FRASIER: Yes.
386
00:18:22,124 --> 00:18:24,501
Well, he may appear
to have a crusty exterior,
387
00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:27,755
but deep down inside,
Dad's just an old softy.
388
00:18:27,963 --> 00:18:30,131
MARTIN [OVER BABY MONITOR]:
Well, there's the kid.
389
00:18:30,215 --> 00:18:33,178
Kind of a gooney-looking thing, isn't she?
390
00:18:33,386 --> 00:18:34,721
Is that Dad?
391
00:18:34,929 --> 00:18:36,889
MARTIN: Look, Bonnie,
I gotta tell you something.
392
00:18:36,973 --> 00:18:39,773
I didn't ask you here for Niles.
I asked you here for me.
393
00:18:39,976 --> 00:18:43,938
-It's the baby monitor. We should…
-JOANNA: Shh! I wanna hear this.
394
00:18:44,105 --> 00:18:45,773
BONNIE: I thought you were with Joanna.
395
00:18:45,857 --> 00:18:48,068
MARTIN: No, no, Frasier
and Roz set us up last week.
396
00:18:48,152 --> 00:18:50,153
I told Frasier I thought
she was a big snooze,
397
00:18:50,237 --> 00:18:52,698
especially compared to the
fun you and I have at the bar,
398
00:18:52,782 --> 00:18:54,116
but he stuck me with her again.
399
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,035
You know, I think they know it's on.
400
00:18:56,202 --> 00:18:58,245
-They're just having some fun with us.
-Yeah.
401
00:18:58,329 --> 00:19:01,082
-Yeah, I better go tell him…
-Frasier, Frasier, just stay put.
402
00:19:01,166 --> 00:19:03,584
BONNIE: Then Niles isn't my date?
Oh, there's a relief.
403
00:19:03,668 --> 00:19:07,506
-I mean, no offense, Marty, but…
-Hey, you don't have to tell me.
404
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:12,762
Okay. If anybody wants
me, I'll be at the movies.
405
00:19:13,387 --> 00:19:16,724
BONNIE: So you really like me?
You're not just pulling my leg?
406
00:19:16,933 --> 00:19:19,894
-MARTIN: You want proof?
-I think we can turn this off now.
407
00:19:20,061 --> 00:19:25,234
Joanna, I am so sorry.
408
00:19:25,859 --> 00:19:28,945
-I know it sounded bad, but…
-JOANNA: No, no, no, not at all.
409
00:19:29,029 --> 00:19:32,429
I'm sure your father meant "big
snooze" in the most flattering sense.
410
00:19:34,159 --> 00:19:37,162
-Roz, maybe we should leave.
-What were you thinking?
411
00:19:37,329 --> 00:19:40,166
Oh, Roz, I certainly wasn't
thinking that he had a date planned.
412
00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:43,711
I'm just gonna get Alice.
Mom, I'm so sorry.
413
00:19:43,878 --> 00:19:45,797
Believe me, 20 years in politics,
414
00:19:45,964 --> 00:19:49,300
I've been called worse things than boring.
415
00:19:50,386 --> 00:19:54,390
Well, I hope you'll
understand if I just slip out
416
00:19:54,557 --> 00:19:57,810
-without saying goodbye to Martin.
-Of course, Joanna.
417
00:19:57,977 --> 00:20:01,063
The last thing we need today
is another awkward situation.
418
00:20:01,230 --> 00:20:04,860
MARTIN: Whoa! Roz, knock, will you?!
419
00:20:09,656 --> 00:20:13,493
-I left my diaper bag.
-Right. Here you go.
420
00:20:13,702 --> 00:20:16,706
-Can you come in for a bit?
-I really shouldn't.
421
00:20:16,873 --> 00:20:20,668
Roz, I'm so sorry.
422
00:20:22,420 --> 00:20:23,838
It's all right.
423
00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:26,966
I mean, I'm not gonna say
that my mother wasn't hurt.
424
00:20:27,133 --> 00:20:30,637
But she did start to smile a little
bit about it on the way to the airport.
425
00:20:30,721 --> 00:20:32,389
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
426
00:20:32,764 --> 00:20:36,184
You know, I've been, well, sitting here,
427
00:20:36,351 --> 00:20:40,355
trying to figure out why I was so
eager to play matchmaker for Dad.
428
00:20:40,564 --> 00:20:41,733
Oh, you're not alone.
429
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:45,069
I mean, I was excited once
I thought it was going well.
430
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:49,028
Well, I suspect I wasn't doing it so
much for him as it was doing it for me.
431
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:52,452
You know, I see him
here all the time, all alone.
432
00:20:54,370 --> 00:20:57,041
I wonder if maybe that's
not gonna be me someday.
433
00:20:57,249 --> 00:21:00,586
Oh, my God, I think the
same thing sometimes
434
00:21:00,753 --> 00:21:03,213
when I see these older
ladies in my building.
435
00:21:03,380 --> 00:21:06,592
They all wanna babysit
Alice, just for the company.
436
00:21:06,759 --> 00:21:10,305
I mean, she's a cute baby,
but she ain't no Dorothy Parker.
437
00:21:11,473 --> 00:21:15,060
Oh, well, you know,
we're both gonna be fine.
438
00:21:15,268 --> 00:21:17,604
-Yeah.
-I was just thinking, though,
439
00:21:17,812 --> 00:21:21,692
if we want to play it safe, we
could make one of those pacts.
440
00:21:22,193 --> 00:21:25,863
Oh, you mean like, in 40 years,
if neither one of us finds anyone…
441
00:21:26,030 --> 00:21:28,366
Yeah, exactly. We'll marry each other.
442
00:21:28,574 --> 00:21:30,952
I was gonna say kill each other.
443
00:21:34,039 --> 00:21:37,417
Well, six of one. Bye.