1 00:00:09,490 --> 00:00:10,658 When's Freddie coming? 2 00:00:10,825 --> 00:00:13,410 In a few hours. I'm picking him up at the airport. 3 00:00:13,577 --> 00:00:15,287 Gosh, I'm so excited to see him. 4 00:00:15,494 --> 00:00:18,163 And it was Lilith's turn this year to have him for his birthday, 5 00:00:18,247 --> 00:00:20,247 but apparently there was an accident at the lab. 6 00:00:20,331 --> 00:00:22,381 One of her monkeys bit her on the tongue. 7 00:00:23,167 --> 00:00:25,168 What exactly was she doing with the monkey? 8 00:00:25,252 --> 00:00:28,671 She's was teaching them sign language. 9 00:00:29,046 --> 00:00:31,246 I guess one of them made a disparaging remark 10 00:00:31,340 --> 00:00:32,591 about her new haircut. 11 00:00:32,757 --> 00:00:34,926 She stuck her tongue out. Heh. 12 00:00:36,094 --> 00:00:38,262 Wow, how bad does a haircut have to be 13 00:00:38,429 --> 00:00:40,931 for a monkey to hate it? 14 00:00:41,222 --> 00:00:44,391 Well, I guess I'm just gonna have to get myself a cup of coffee. 15 00:00:44,475 --> 00:00:47,436 -Oh, somebody dropped a wallet. -Mmm. 16 00:00:47,978 --> 00:00:49,479 Is he cute? 17 00:00:49,687 --> 00:00:51,688 It's hard to tell from a driver's license photo, 18 00:00:51,772 --> 00:00:55,692 but he is 5-foot-6, weighs 200 pounds, and has corrective lenses. 19 00:00:55,901 --> 00:00:57,944 Leave it on the floor. 20 00:00:59,194 --> 00:01:02,544 Well, thank God I don't share your good-deeds-for-hunks-only policy. 21 00:01:03,865 --> 00:01:04,908 Excuse me, 22 00:01:05,074 --> 00:01:07,742 -I found this on the floor… -Is that my wallet you got there? 23 00:01:07,826 --> 00:01:09,869 Is it? Well, I found it on the floor over there. 24 00:01:09,953 --> 00:01:11,745 I was about to drop it off at the counter. 25 00:01:11,829 --> 00:01:13,539 Please, no reward. Heh-heh. 26 00:01:13,748 --> 00:01:16,082 -What happened to my cash? -Well, I don't know. 27 00:01:16,166 --> 00:01:17,500 It was empty when I found it. 28 00:01:17,584 --> 00:01:20,628 Yeah, right. I had seven bucks in here. 29 00:01:20,836 --> 00:01:23,380 Well, I'm sure some lucky thief is off enjoying a matinee 30 00:01:23,464 --> 00:01:25,506 and a small soda. 31 00:01:25,798 --> 00:01:29,176 At least you left my credit card. Jerk. 32 00:01:30,636 --> 00:01:32,637 Would you please bring me my usual? 33 00:01:33,596 --> 00:01:35,139 Can you believe that guy? 34 00:01:35,306 --> 00:01:37,474 I do him a favor, he accuses me of stealing. 35 00:01:37,641 --> 00:01:40,017 Oh, please. The world is full of creeps like that. 36 00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:41,601 Haven't you figured that out yet? 37 00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:45,064 I'm sorry, Roz, but I still believe that people are basically good. 38 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:48,232 Hey, guys, I'm glad you're here. 39 00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:52,026 -I need to talk to you about something. -What can I do for you, Bulldog? 40 00:01:52,110 --> 00:01:54,111 My mom's having bypass surgery tomorrow morning, 41 00:01:54,195 --> 00:01:57,073 and I'd like to sit up with her tonight at the hospital. 42 00:01:57,281 --> 00:01:59,741 But I gotta work the 11:00 to 1:00 spot. 43 00:01:59,908 --> 00:02:01,784 I don't suppose you'd think… 44 00:02:01,868 --> 00:02:05,704 Oh, right. Like we don't know there's a big fight in Vegas tonight. 45 00:02:05,913 --> 00:02:09,313 Look, I know I've jerked you guys around before, but this is serious. 46 00:02:09,415 --> 00:02:10,500 Bulldog, I'm sorry. 47 00:02:10,708 --> 00:02:13,108 Frederick's coming in tonight. It's his birthday. 48 00:02:13,460 --> 00:02:17,171 Okay, Doc. Never mind. I understand. 49 00:02:18,214 --> 00:02:20,423 Hello, Bernice Briscoe's room, please. 50 00:02:20,632 --> 00:02:21,841 I hope my mom's around 51 00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:23,908 -to celebrate her next birthday. -Oh. 52 00:02:24,301 --> 00:02:26,428 Hi, Mom, it's Bobby. 53 00:02:26,637 --> 00:02:29,973 Um… Look, I'm gonna have to work tonight after all. 54 00:02:30,181 --> 00:02:32,081 Bulldog, wait a minute. You know what? 55 00:02:32,265 --> 00:02:35,393 Frederick will be asleep by eleven o'clock. I guess we could take your slot. 56 00:02:35,477 --> 00:02:37,603 Are you insane? How can you be so gullible? 57 00:02:37,812 --> 00:02:39,939 -He is not talking to his mother. -Ro… 58 00:02:40,481 --> 00:02:43,817 Does somebody have a boo-boo on her heart? 59 00:02:45,693 --> 00:02:47,319 Is someone gonna have to open you up 60 00:02:47,403 --> 00:02:50,655 with those big old rib spreaders? 61 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,367 Oh, Mrs. Briscoe, I'm so sorry. 62 00:02:57,202 --> 00:03:00,495 Listen, I just wanted you to know that we'll fill in for Bobby tonight. 63 00:03:00,579 --> 00:03:02,330 Thanks a million, you guys. 64 00:03:02,497 --> 00:03:06,834 -I'd better get back to the hospital. -God bless, Bulldog. 65 00:03:07,042 --> 00:03:10,379 Oh, I can't believe I said that. That poor woman. 66 00:03:10,586 --> 00:03:12,504 -We're outta here. -Our flight doesn't leave 67 00:03:12,588 --> 00:03:15,006 -for another two hours. -I gotta stop by my mom's first. 68 00:03:15,090 --> 00:03:17,175 I owe her 50 bucks and case of Schlitz. 69 00:03:24,222 --> 00:03:25,265 [HUMMING] 70 00:03:39,234 --> 00:03:40,735 Should I even ask? 71 00:03:41,068 --> 00:03:43,195 These balloons come in an unsealed package, 72 00:03:43,362 --> 00:03:45,530 covered with some mysterious dust, 73 00:03:45,697 --> 00:03:47,865 straight from some Southeast Asian sweatshop. 74 00:03:47,949 --> 00:03:50,299 -Doesn't that worry you? -Oh, you bet it does. 75 00:03:50,451 --> 00:03:53,001 I remember back in Korea we'd crouch in our foxholes 76 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:56,914 scared to death those bastards were gonna drop balloons on us. 77 00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:00,291 The doorman called. They're on their way. 78 00:04:00,375 --> 00:04:02,668 Don't know how much of a surprise it's gonna be anyway. 79 00:04:02,752 --> 00:04:05,128 -You did the same thing last year. -That's the point. 80 00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:07,338 He'd never suspect I'd do it two years in a row. 81 00:04:07,422 --> 00:04:10,257 I must say I feel a bit bad for Freddie. None of his mates are here, 82 00:04:10,341 --> 00:04:12,885 just the three of us old fogies yelling "Surprise." 83 00:04:13,093 --> 00:04:15,594 Any party that he's at with you is gonna be a treat for him. 84 00:04:15,678 --> 00:04:17,012 He has a little crush on you. 85 00:04:17,096 --> 00:04:19,013 If you really want Frederick to enjoy himself, 86 00:04:19,097 --> 00:04:22,184 he especially likes you in that little blue cocktail dress. 87 00:04:23,642 --> 00:04:27,313 Eh… I'm not sure that dress is appropriate for a child's birthday party. 88 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,648 Well, it's hardly a party. It's just us fogies. 89 00:04:31,691 --> 00:04:34,192 You know, Frederick, your granddad really wanted to be here, 90 00:04:34,276 --> 00:04:36,426 but he had an important Rotary Club meeting. 91 00:04:36,569 --> 00:04:37,737 Uh-oh. 92 00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:41,073 -What? -Not another surprise party. 93 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:45,326 -What are you talking about? -Just like last year. 94 00:04:45,534 --> 00:04:49,245 Oh, Lord, all right, I'll tell you what, just don't let on, okay? 95 00:04:49,454 --> 00:04:52,604 You know how he loves this stuff. Just act surprised, all right? 96 00:04:52,749 --> 00:04:54,582 The hardest thing is pretending to be fooled 97 00:04:54,666 --> 00:04:57,086 -by the trick candles. -Oh, gosh. Heh. 98 00:04:57,252 --> 00:05:00,088 You think it's hard now, wait until you're my age. 99 00:05:01,589 --> 00:05:03,507 Surprise! 100 00:05:03,715 --> 00:05:06,926 -Oh, wow! I'm so surprised. -You see? I told you. 101 00:05:07,093 --> 00:05:08,135 Hey, Freddie. 102 00:05:08,302 --> 00:05:10,053 -How are you doing? Happy birthday. -Hi. 103 00:05:10,137 --> 00:05:12,054 [EXCITEDLY] Hi! 104 00:05:12,138 --> 00:05:13,514 Happy birthday, sweetheart. 105 00:05:13,598 --> 00:05:14,889 [PHONE RINGS] 106 00:05:14,973 --> 00:05:16,809 Just let me get the phone. 107 00:05:17,142 --> 00:05:18,352 Hm. 108 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,103 Hello? 109 00:05:20,269 --> 00:05:22,021 Yes, who's calling, please? 110 00:05:22,188 --> 00:05:23,647 Wewef? 111 00:05:23,814 --> 00:05:25,315 Anyone here know a Wewef? 112 00:05:26,024 --> 00:05:27,650 Oh, Lilith. 113 00:05:30,236 --> 00:05:31,903 Yes, hello, Lilith. 114 00:05:32,237 --> 00:05:34,637 What's that? Oh, right, yes, of course he's here. 115 00:05:34,781 --> 00:05:37,407 It's your mom. Why don't you take it into your granddad's room? 116 00:05:37,491 --> 00:05:39,868 -Okay. Hi, Mom. -Let's get the cake ready. 117 00:05:40,035 --> 00:05:41,536 Oh, yes, yes. Oh, Frasier, 118 00:05:41,702 --> 00:05:44,052 -I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. -Ooh. 119 00:05:44,704 --> 00:05:48,500 -Eh! Voila! -What the hell is that? 120 00:05:48,708 --> 00:05:52,044 It's Louis Pasteur, Freddie's favorite scientist. 121 00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:55,838 What child wouldn't be thrilled with a coconut death mask 122 00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:57,965 on his birthday? 123 00:05:58,882 --> 00:06:00,801 Frasier, what happened to your jacket? 124 00:06:01,009 --> 00:06:03,969 Oh, at the airport, I helped this woman get her dog into her car. 125 00:06:04,053 --> 00:06:07,138 -Oh, I hope at least it was in a crate. -Yes, very heavy crate. 126 00:06:07,222 --> 00:06:09,891 I had to hold it at arm's length so that what I chose to believe 127 00:06:09,975 --> 00:06:12,476 was drool wouldn't run out onto my shoes. 128 00:06:14,644 --> 00:06:17,939 Eight blocks later I finally load little Fido into her backseat, 129 00:06:18,106 --> 00:06:20,065 woman drives off without so much as a thank-you 130 00:06:20,149 --> 00:06:22,150 or an offer to give me a ride to the airport. 131 00:06:22,234 --> 00:06:24,651 I responded with the time-honored gesture of disapproval, 132 00:06:24,735 --> 00:06:27,779 but on the upswing I caught my finger on the jacket and… 133 00:06:27,946 --> 00:06:29,322 Oh, thank you. 134 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:33,659 I must say my belief in people's basic decency has taken a beating today. 135 00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:36,619 Earlier, I returned a man's wallet. He accused me of stealing. 136 00:06:36,703 --> 00:06:38,653 Well, it just proves what I always say, 137 00:06:38,746 --> 00:06:40,663 a Good Samaritan is nothing but a good target. 138 00:06:40,747 --> 00:06:43,208 I'm sorry, Dad, I'm not ready to be quite that cynical yet. 139 00:06:43,292 --> 00:06:45,125 -He's off the phone. -Oh, good. All right. 140 00:06:45,209 --> 00:06:46,585 You can believe what you want, 141 00:06:46,669 --> 00:06:50,755 but I think people are born rotten and every year they get worse. 142 00:06:50,922 --> 00:06:54,425 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 143 00:06:56,093 --> 00:07:02,389 Welcome back to the night-owl edition of The Dr. Frasier Crane Show. 144 00:07:02,806 --> 00:07:06,100 We have Stephen on line two. 145 00:07:06,392 --> 00:07:08,519 Go ahead, caller, you're on the air. 146 00:07:08,686 --> 00:07:11,020 MAN [OVER RADIO]: I think I'm losing my mind, Dr. Crane. 147 00:07:11,104 --> 00:07:13,773 People are talking to me through my radio. 148 00:07:13,940 --> 00:07:17,193 -Why do you think that? -There it is again. 149 00:07:21,070 --> 00:07:25,032 -Turn your radio down. -Now it's giving me orders. 150 00:07:26,617 --> 00:07:28,534 Stephen, turn your radio down. 151 00:07:28,701 --> 00:07:31,661 It knows my name. 152 00:07:32,037 --> 00:07:34,581 Stephen, listen to me, this is your radio talking. 153 00:07:34,789 --> 00:07:37,333 I'm a very smart radio, and I care about you, 154 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,210 and I want you to turn me off. 155 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:42,003 Go to bed and seek counseling in the morning. 156 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,463 Okay. 157 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:46,423 Sorry, Doc, can't talk anymore. 158 00:07:50,259 --> 00:07:53,470 Well, I'd like to end tonight on a philosophical note. 159 00:07:53,637 --> 00:07:57,014 You see, earlier today, I helped some people. 160 00:07:57,181 --> 00:08:03,478 I returned a man's wallet, and I aided a woman at the airport. 161 00:08:03,645 --> 00:08:04,938 And in return, 162 00:08:05,104 --> 00:08:10,942 I was accused of being a thief, and my favorite jacket was ruined. 163 00:08:17,572 --> 00:08:20,449 I was so disappointed by the events of the day 164 00:08:20,658 --> 00:08:22,617 that, on my way to work here tonight, 165 00:08:22,825 --> 00:08:25,245 I almost passed an elderly man with a flat tire 166 00:08:25,453 --> 00:08:27,704 without stopping to help him. 167 00:08:30,582 --> 00:08:32,083 What the hell are you doing? 168 00:08:32,291 --> 00:08:34,418 I asked myself. 169 00:08:41,173 --> 00:08:44,592 How would I feel if I were in this man's position 170 00:08:44,759 --> 00:08:46,093 and no one stopped to help me? 171 00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:48,845 Well, I did pull over, I helped the man, 172 00:08:49,012 --> 00:08:51,598 and frankly, it felt great. 173 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:55,101 So without sounding preachy, I would like to advise you all 174 00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:58,853 to do a good deed once in a while, 175 00:08:59,020 --> 00:09:03,607 if not for the sake of others, but then, well, for your own sake. 176 00:09:03,774 --> 00:09:06,859 Thank you. Now, let's go to station ID. 177 00:09:07,944 --> 00:09:09,945 Roz, do you mind? 178 00:09:11,071 --> 00:09:13,490 What is your problem? I'm getting ready for bed. 179 00:09:13,657 --> 00:09:15,741 Alice gets me up at the crack of dawn. 180 00:09:15,908 --> 00:09:19,118 If I get all this taken care of, I get an extra half hour of sleep. 181 00:09:19,202 --> 00:09:21,829 Well, at least you spared me the spectacle of flossing. 182 00:09:21,913 --> 00:09:24,456 Thanks for reminding me. I had corn. 183 00:09:28,251 --> 00:09:30,003 And we're back. 184 00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:34,172 It seems that we've got time for one more call. 185 00:09:34,756 --> 00:09:37,842 Don't bother, Roz, I'll get it. 186 00:09:41,177 --> 00:09:44,596 Go ahead, caller. This is Dr. Frasier Crane. I'm listening. 187 00:09:44,763 --> 00:09:46,640 MAN: Hi, Dr. Crane, this is Ralph. 188 00:09:46,807 --> 00:09:48,849 The guy whose tire you changed tonight. 189 00:09:48,933 --> 00:09:51,269 Ralph! Well, what a wonderful surprise. 190 00:09:51,436 --> 00:09:54,520 Let me first say to our listeners, this call was not solicited in any way. 191 00:09:54,604 --> 00:09:55,772 You go ahead, Ralph. 192 00:09:55,981 --> 00:09:58,524 I was just wondering, do you wear cufflinks? 193 00:09:58,691 --> 00:10:02,402 Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do, but there's no need to buy me a gift. 194 00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:06,112 A gift? You scratched the hell out of my paint job with those things. 195 00:10:06,196 --> 00:10:08,115 You owe me money. 196 00:10:08,615 --> 00:10:10,491 You can't be serious. 197 00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:12,534 How much damage could cuff links do to a car 198 00:10:12,618 --> 00:10:16,371 whose side window consists of duct tape and a Hefty bag? 199 00:10:16,538 --> 00:10:18,664 You'll find out when my lawyer sends you the bill. 200 00:10:18,748 --> 00:10:19,790 [GASPS] 201 00:10:19,957 --> 00:10:23,752 Let me remind you again, listeners, that call was not solicited. 202 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,514 FRASIER [THINKING]: Oh, great. 203 00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,698 Somebody else in need of a Good Samaritan. 204 00:10:45,352 --> 00:10:48,604 Maybe if I ignore her, she'll stop waving. 205 00:10:50,647 --> 00:10:53,941 But what am I gonna do? Just leave her standing in the rain? 206 00:10:54,567 --> 00:10:57,486 Then again, every one of my good deeds today 207 00:10:57,652 --> 00:11:00,572 has ended up biting me in the butt. 208 00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:12,122 Such nasty weather. May I offer you a ride? 209 00:11:12,206 --> 00:11:14,415 Oh, thank you. 210 00:11:16,667 --> 00:11:18,043 Ah! 211 00:11:21,505 --> 00:11:23,463 I didn't think anyone was gonna stop. 212 00:11:23,547 --> 00:11:27,300 Well, chivalry may be on life support, but it's not dead. 213 00:11:27,509 --> 00:11:29,719 -Oh, seat warmers. -Yes, they're standard. 214 00:11:29,928 --> 00:11:32,554 There's a little control on the side if you want more leg room. 215 00:11:32,638 --> 00:11:34,848 -Now where can I take you? -It's up to you. 216 00:11:35,014 --> 00:11:38,393 We can get a room or we can do it here in the car. 217 00:11:40,102 --> 00:11:41,144 [SEAT WHIRRING] 218 00:11:41,353 --> 00:11:43,146 Oh, dear God. 219 00:11:43,313 --> 00:11:46,524 -You are a prostitute. -How far do these go back? 220 00:11:47,066 --> 00:11:49,442 Look, I'm sorry. There's been a mistake. 221 00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:51,653 -Don't be nervous, baby. -I'm not. 222 00:11:51,861 --> 00:11:55,280 -Would you please put your seat up? -I'll put it any way you like it, honey. 223 00:11:55,364 --> 00:11:58,950 Stop talking to me that way. For God's sake! All right, now please, 224 00:11:59,117 --> 00:12:01,701 I'm sorry about this misunderstanding, but get out of my car. 225 00:12:01,785 --> 00:12:04,620 -Why the hell did you pick me up? -I was trying to be a gentleman. 226 00:12:04,704 --> 00:12:06,163 Now get out. 227 00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:08,498 I'm not walking all the way back to my corner. 228 00:12:08,582 --> 00:12:11,668 -Give me some money for a cab. -All right, fine. 229 00:12:11,918 --> 00:12:15,086 Lord, I guess I must have left my wallet at the station. 230 00:12:15,170 --> 00:12:16,921 How in the hell were you going to pay for me? 231 00:12:17,005 --> 00:12:20,883 I wasn't going to pay for you! Oh, here's a $20 bill. Now get out. 232 00:12:21,050 --> 00:12:22,092 [SIREN WAILS] 233 00:12:22,926 --> 00:12:25,762 FRASIER: God. Get out. Get out. Hurry, get out now. 234 00:12:25,971 --> 00:12:27,888 It's too late. They've seen us. 235 00:12:28,055 --> 00:12:30,055 I don't believe this is happening to me. 236 00:12:33,768 --> 00:12:35,102 Hello, Officer. 237 00:12:35,269 --> 00:12:36,979 Just how fast was I going? 238 00:12:37,521 --> 00:12:38,814 Hey, don't I know you? 239 00:12:39,022 --> 00:12:41,399 -I don't believe so. -I'm not talking to you. 240 00:12:41,607 --> 00:12:43,151 Didn't I bust you last week? 241 00:12:43,359 --> 00:12:45,109 [MALE VOICE] Give me a break, buddy. 242 00:12:45,193 --> 00:12:47,154 I'm trying to earn a living here. 243 00:12:53,032 --> 00:12:55,535 Was it really necessary to take my belt and tie? 244 00:12:55,702 --> 00:12:58,244 Standard procedure. It's for your own protection. 245 00:12:58,328 --> 00:13:00,955 For God's sake, you had me in the drunk tank. 246 00:13:01,122 --> 00:13:04,125 If I wanted to kill myself, I would've taken a deep breath. 247 00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:10,337 -Frasier! -Niles. 248 00:13:10,546 --> 00:13:14,007 You certainly took your sweet time. I've been waiting here two hours. 249 00:13:14,215 --> 00:13:15,365 Well, I'm sorry, Niles. 250 00:13:15,508 --> 00:13:18,009 I guess what with the pillow fight in the holding tank 251 00:13:18,093 --> 00:13:20,512 and the pre-mug shot makeover, time just got away from me. 252 00:13:20,596 --> 00:13:22,555 Will you stop it! 253 00:13:24,974 --> 00:13:27,975 Just bail me out of here. I can't stand another minute in this place. 254 00:13:28,059 --> 00:13:29,603 All right. Excuse me. 255 00:13:29,769 --> 00:13:33,355 If you could get our bill together, we're ready to settle up here. 256 00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:36,065 It's 500 bucks. 257 00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:39,526 Five hundred… Frasier, I don't have that kind of cash on me. 258 00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:41,085 Put it on your credit card. 259 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,153 And have "bail" appear on my statement? 260 00:13:43,237 --> 00:13:45,637 Do you know the kind of junk mail I would get… 261 00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:47,074 Just do it. 262 00:13:47,408 --> 00:13:49,117 Okay. 263 00:13:49,826 --> 00:13:51,536 There you are. 264 00:13:52,369 --> 00:13:56,206 So, what happened? A prostitute? 265 00:13:56,372 --> 00:13:57,832 [LAUGHS] 266 00:13:58,124 --> 00:13:59,625 Please, I told you on the phone, 267 00:13:59,709 --> 00:14:01,918 -I didn't know she was a prostitute. -Uh-huh. 268 00:14:02,002 --> 00:14:03,879 I saw a woman stranded in the rain. 269 00:14:04,046 --> 00:14:06,923 Naturally, I offered her a ride. Before I knew it, 270 00:14:07,089 --> 00:14:11,051 I was handcuffed to this bench, surrounded by this motley assortment 271 00:14:11,259 --> 00:14:14,970 of other wrongfully accused gentlemen. 272 00:14:18,264 --> 00:14:21,518 -Sir, your card didn't go through. -What? Huh. 273 00:14:21,683 --> 00:14:22,726 [GASPS] 274 00:14:22,893 --> 00:14:25,311 That's right, Maris' lawyers had my credit limit reduced. 275 00:14:25,395 --> 00:14:26,437 Oh, no. 276 00:14:26,646 --> 00:14:28,814 Been so bad this week when I went to the cheese shop 277 00:14:28,898 --> 00:14:32,150 for their Around the World platter, they cut me off at Luxembourg. 278 00:14:33,318 --> 00:14:35,318 Would you please call Dad and get him down here? 279 00:14:35,402 --> 00:14:36,987 All right. All right. 280 00:14:37,696 --> 00:14:38,739 [PHONE BEEPS] 281 00:14:39,614 --> 00:14:42,909 Yeah, Dad, hi. My credit card was declined. 282 00:14:43,075 --> 00:14:47,287 Well, we need yours. Yeah. Well, right, yeah, I'll see you soon. 283 00:14:47,495 --> 00:14:50,080 This is intolerable. It'll take him 20 minutes to get here. 284 00:14:50,164 --> 00:14:52,332 -No, no, he's waiting in the car. -What? 285 00:14:52,499 --> 00:14:53,959 Why didn't he come in? 286 00:14:54,125 --> 00:14:56,585 Frasier, this was his old precinct. 287 00:14:56,752 --> 00:14:59,504 When we pulled up outside, I saw a look on his face I haven't seen 288 00:14:59,588 --> 00:15:02,966 since he drove us home from our first and only Little League game. 289 00:15:05,175 --> 00:15:08,095 -Oh, Dad. -Hey, hold it down, will you? 290 00:15:08,262 --> 00:15:11,097 Dad, I'm so sorry. What happened was… 291 00:15:11,264 --> 00:15:13,764 No, I don't need to know. I didn't come down here to judge. 292 00:15:13,848 --> 00:15:16,893 -You're my son, and I love you. -Yes, for God's sakes, Dad, I didn't… 293 00:15:16,977 --> 00:15:18,935 Why don't we pay up, and get out of here, okay? 294 00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:20,354 -Hey, Marty. -Hey, Fred. 295 00:15:20,521 --> 00:15:22,563 Listen, I wouldn't take this too hard, Marty. 296 00:15:22,647 --> 00:15:24,398 You remember Captain Petchesky's son 297 00:15:24,482 --> 00:15:26,399 turned out to be the Colman Park pervert. 298 00:15:26,483 --> 00:15:29,403 -Yeah, thanks. -And Sergeant O'Brien's daughter 299 00:15:29,611 --> 00:15:31,988 -does all them cable movies. -Yeah, I heard. 300 00:15:32,154 --> 00:15:33,906 You can pick her out. She's got his chin. 301 00:15:33,990 --> 00:15:36,783 Yeah, could we just get on with it here? 302 00:15:37,826 --> 00:15:39,368 Dad, will you let me explain? 303 00:15:39,577 --> 00:15:41,536 Frasier, look, I understand. I was in the Army. 304 00:15:41,620 --> 00:15:42,954 We all have our urges. 305 00:15:43,162 --> 00:15:45,122 -But you don't understand. -Just sign here. 306 00:15:45,206 --> 00:15:46,958 All that happened was… 307 00:15:47,166 --> 00:15:49,459 Bye, Dr. Crane. Sorry I got you arrested. 308 00:15:49,668 --> 00:15:52,461 Oh, that's all right, Crystal. These things happen. 309 00:15:53,045 --> 00:15:54,088 [DOOR OPENS] 310 00:15:58,508 --> 00:16:00,884 He had a wig on. 311 00:16:02,678 --> 00:16:06,806 -You're my son and I love you. -Oh, would you stop saying that! 312 00:16:09,683 --> 00:16:11,768 MARTIN: I still don't know what you were thinking. 313 00:16:11,852 --> 00:16:13,602 The middle of the night, deserted street, 314 00:16:13,686 --> 00:16:15,104 picking up a strange woman. 315 00:16:15,313 --> 00:16:16,363 A very strange woman. 316 00:16:16,522 --> 00:16:17,564 [CHUCKLES] 317 00:16:19,232 --> 00:16:21,276 Well, obviously I wasn't thinking. 318 00:16:21,442 --> 00:16:23,027 Thank God now it's all over. 319 00:16:23,193 --> 00:16:25,487 I can just spend a quiet weekend here with Frederick. 320 00:16:25,571 --> 00:16:28,990 Oh, dear God! 321 00:16:29,449 --> 00:16:32,701 -"Doc's Pal Is a Mock Gal." -FRASIER: Ugh! 322 00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:34,869 Oh! 323 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,538 Will this nightmare never end? 324 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:40,540 Now listen, Dad, we're bound to get a lot of calls about this thing. 325 00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:43,208 Please do not answer the phone. Don't talk to anybody. 326 00:16:43,292 --> 00:16:46,503 Let the machine get it. Don't give them anything they can turn tawdry. 327 00:16:46,587 --> 00:16:48,004 Yeah, I live with Dr. Crane. 328 00:16:48,171 --> 00:16:50,339 Yeah, there's quite a bit of massage involved. 329 00:16:50,423 --> 00:16:51,756 Daphne! 330 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,633 Mostly around the hips, thighs, and buttocks. 331 00:16:53,717 --> 00:16:55,510 No. Give me that. 332 00:16:55,676 --> 00:16:57,345 No comment! 333 00:16:57,511 --> 00:16:59,811 Oh, no, Daphne, please, don't answer the phone. 334 00:16:59,971 --> 00:17:01,181 Let the machine pick up. 335 00:17:01,389 --> 00:17:03,808 Well, the machine's filled up. Everyone's been calling. 336 00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:06,518 -Oh, God. Where's Frederick? -He's still asleep. 337 00:17:06,685 --> 00:17:09,585 Look, Dr. Crane, I just want to say you're the victim here. 338 00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:10,772 Thank you. 339 00:17:10,938 --> 00:17:12,523 American society's so close-minded 340 00:17:12,607 --> 00:17:14,608 when it comes to sexual experimentation. 341 00:17:14,775 --> 00:17:17,325 -In Europe… -Daphne, I didn't do anything wrong! 342 00:17:17,526 --> 00:17:19,726 Well, exactly. That's what I'm trying to say. 343 00:17:19,820 --> 00:17:22,739 Oh, God, I guess I deserve all this. 344 00:17:22,906 --> 00:17:26,283 I certainly had enough warning to stop being such a Boy Scout. 345 00:17:26,450 --> 00:17:29,078 But did I listen? No. 346 00:17:29,244 --> 00:17:31,746 Well, from now on, Dr. Crane, 347 00:17:31,913 --> 00:17:35,707 or as Seattle now knows him, "Dr. Strangelove…" 348 00:17:38,085 --> 00:17:40,127 …is out of the Samaritan business. 349 00:17:40,294 --> 00:17:41,462 Thank you, Niles. 350 00:17:42,171 --> 00:17:46,049 Frasier, have you given much thought to what you're going to tell Frederick? 351 00:17:47,216 --> 00:17:48,842 Oh, God. 352 00:17:49,385 --> 00:17:52,136 How can I possibly explain it to him? 353 00:17:52,512 --> 00:17:54,612 Well, I guess the key is not to be evasive. 354 00:17:54,764 --> 00:17:56,806 He's gonna hear about it sooner or later. 355 00:17:56,890 --> 00:18:00,225 I guess it should be from me. After all, I am a trained professional. 356 00:18:00,309 --> 00:18:02,936 I'll be able to do it in a way that won't traumatize the child. 357 00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:05,146 Freddie, don't touch that! 358 00:18:11,443 --> 00:18:13,485 You know, I could use a glass of orange juice. 359 00:18:13,569 --> 00:18:15,738 I think I'm gonna go in the kitchen and get a glass. 360 00:18:15,822 --> 00:18:19,324 Oh, orange juice. Yum. I'm going to come with you for that. 361 00:18:21,325 --> 00:18:24,620 -Am I having another surprise party? -No. 362 00:18:24,787 --> 00:18:28,248 No, Frederick, here, sit down for a second, son. 363 00:18:28,415 --> 00:18:31,250 I've got something I've got to talk to you about. 364 00:18:31,709 --> 00:18:32,959 For the next couple of days, 365 00:18:33,043 --> 00:18:35,962 you're gonna hear some rather nasty stories 366 00:18:36,129 --> 00:18:40,048 and some snide jokes about your old man. 367 00:18:40,257 --> 00:18:42,342 Mom's coming? 368 00:18:47,971 --> 00:18:50,849 No. No, no, she's not. 369 00:18:51,014 --> 00:18:52,099 It's… 370 00:18:52,266 --> 00:18:56,018 It's very hard for me to tell you this, but I just spent the night in jail. 371 00:18:56,227 --> 00:18:58,521 Wow, like Brad Johnson's dad. 372 00:18:58,730 --> 00:19:02,149 Well, that was different. Insider trading is wrong. 373 00:19:04,108 --> 00:19:05,818 -What did you do? -Well, 374 00:19:06,026 --> 00:19:10,363 I saw a woman standing in the rain, and I gave her a ride. 375 00:19:10,572 --> 00:19:12,323 You can go to jail for that? 376 00:19:12,531 --> 00:19:14,992 Well, it depends on the sort of woman. 377 00:19:15,159 --> 00:19:16,493 You see, this particular woman, 378 00:19:16,577 --> 00:19:22,706 this person was a prostitute. 379 00:19:22,914 --> 00:19:25,583 But I didn't know that until it was too late. 380 00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:27,418 A prostitute? 381 00:19:27,626 --> 00:19:30,587 Oh, God, how can I explain this? 382 00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:34,548 A prostitute is someone who engages in sexual relations 383 00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:36,675 with other people for money. 384 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:40,636 Dad, I'm 11. I know what a prostitute is. 385 00:19:42,138 --> 00:19:45,056 But why did you pick one up? 386 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:51,060 Well, you see, I didn't know that it was a prostitute at the time. 387 00:19:51,227 --> 00:19:54,898 I was only trying to do a good deed. 388 00:19:55,230 --> 00:19:57,482 And I guess in hindsight, it was all a big mistake. 389 00:19:57,566 --> 00:19:59,650 I just should have minded my own business. 390 00:19:59,734 --> 00:20:03,446 So, what are you saying, Dad? You shouldn't try to help people? 391 00:20:05,322 --> 00:20:07,073 Well… 392 00:20:20,501 --> 00:20:23,878 -May I offer you a ride? -Oh, thank you. 393 00:20:26,922 --> 00:20:28,131 Oh. 394 00:20:29,132 --> 00:20:31,800 I waved at you a couple of times, but I didn't think you saw me. 395 00:20:31,884 --> 00:20:33,093 Yes, well, I noticed you. 396 00:20:33,177 --> 00:20:36,554 I was just having sort of a bad daydream. 397 00:20:36,763 --> 00:20:38,680 Heh. So where can I take you? 398 00:20:38,889 --> 00:20:40,974 Same place you're going. 399 00:20:41,183 --> 00:20:43,976 -Oh, dear God, you're… -Laura Hilton. 400 00:20:44,185 --> 00:20:48,188 -I live in your building. -Of course. Laura. Hi. 401 00:20:48,522 --> 00:20:50,524 I'm so glad you stopped when you did. 402 00:20:50,689 --> 00:20:52,650 Oh, I'm certainly glad I stopped too.