1
00:00:09,950 --> 00:00:12,202
-Evening, Niles.
-Frasier. Everybody ready?

2
00:00:12,286 --> 00:00:13,786
Just about.

3
00:00:13,870 --> 00:00:15,705
Oh, new cufflinks. Those are very smart.

4
00:00:15,789 --> 00:00:17,874
Yes, well, you've seen
these before, haven't you?

5
00:00:17,958 --> 00:00:19,918
-I always wear them with a tux.
-Of course.

6
00:00:20,002 --> 00:00:21,586
Well, still, nothing catches the eye

7
00:00:21,670 --> 00:00:24,006
-like a sharp pair of cufflinks.
-Mm-hmm, yes.

8
00:00:25,799 --> 00:00:27,008
So those are very nice too.

9
00:00:27,092 --> 00:00:28,426
-Oh, these.
-Gold.

10
00:00:28,510 --> 00:00:30,721
I knew you'd wear silver.
I didn't want us to look alike.

11
00:00:30,805 --> 00:00:32,473
No.

12
00:00:32,974 --> 00:00:34,808
-Hello.
-Oh, hi, Roz.

13
00:00:34,892 --> 00:00:36,018
-Hi.
-Come on in.

14
00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:37,895
-Sorry I'm late.
-Well, that's all right.

15
00:00:37,979 --> 00:00:39,104
-DAPHNE: Hey, Roz.
-Daphne.

16
00:00:39,188 --> 00:00:40,981
Thank you so much for watching Alice.

17
00:00:41,065 --> 00:00:43,400
She's way overdue for her nap.
Maybe I can get her to sleep.

18
00:00:43,484 --> 00:00:46,779
Great. We'll set her up in my room.
Don't wanna be late for that auction.

19
00:00:46,863 --> 00:00:49,114
You know, I can't believe
that you donated another day

20
00:00:49,198 --> 00:00:51,450
behind the scenes of the
<i>Frasier Crane Show</i> this year.

21
00:00:51,534 --> 00:00:53,285
Well, why not, Roz? It's for a good cause.

22
00:00:53,369 --> 00:00:55,788
The Kelly Ann Grunther
Foundation does excellent work.

23
00:00:55,872 --> 00:00:57,164
You weren't trapped in my booth

24
00:00:57,248 --> 00:00:59,542
with that mouth-breather
for three hours last year.

25
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:02,169
Well, he wasn't that bad.
Some sort of an engineer, wasn't he?

26
00:01:02,253 --> 00:01:05,256
Well, he wasn't a dental
hygienist, that's for sure.

27
00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:08,968
Daphne, can you help
me with these cufflinks?

28
00:01:09,052 --> 00:01:10,427
Oh, all right.

29
00:01:10,511 --> 00:01:12,888
-What is this, Daphne?
-I'm chatting online with Donny.

30
00:01:12,972 --> 00:01:14,098
[COMPUTER BEEPS]

31
00:01:14,182 --> 00:01:15,808
Oh, what's he saying?

32
00:01:15,892 --> 00:01:21,564
"I can't wait to come home and
see my wittle Engwish cwumpet."

33
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:25,442
Apparently, he has some
sort of typing impediment.

34
00:01:25,526 --> 00:01:27,403
I don't want him to
think I've abandoned him.

35
00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:29,029
Would you mind taking over?

36
00:01:29,113 --> 00:01:31,032
Tell him I miss him too.

37
00:01:31,116 --> 00:01:32,909
All right.

38
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:36,246
DAPHNE: And I'm counting
the days till he comes home.

39
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:39,666
And there's no one I love
more than my fuzzy-wuzzy…

40
00:01:39,750 --> 00:01:41,543
COMPUTER VOICE: <i>Goodbye.</i>

41
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:45,338
I'm sorry. I seem to have lost him.

42
00:01:45,422 --> 00:01:47,465
-Oh, maybe I can get him back.
-Thank you.

43
00:01:47,549 --> 00:01:49,801
Well, there we are.
Alice is all squared away.

44
00:01:49,885 --> 00:01:52,220
She went right to sleep. Shall we?

45
00:01:52,304 --> 00:01:53,972
Have a good time. Don't spend too much.

46
00:01:54,056 --> 00:01:55,348
MARTIN: Oh, don't worry about that.

47
00:01:55,432 --> 00:01:56,891
I've got a whole system worked out

48
00:01:56,975 --> 00:01:59,311
where I can get anything I
want for the minimum bid.

49
00:01:59,395 --> 00:02:01,062
That's hardly in keeping
the spirit of the evening.

50
00:02:01,146 --> 00:02:03,565
We're raising money for the
Kelly Ann Grunther Foundation.

51
00:02:03,649 --> 00:02:06,735
Baloney, you just wanna go there so
you can hobnob with all your friends.

52
00:02:06,819 --> 00:02:08,194
-That is not true.
-Oh, yeah?

53
00:02:08,278 --> 00:02:11,615
Well, then answer me one question:
Just who is Kelly Ann Grunther?

54
00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:14,826
Kelly Ann Grunther is the person

55
00:02:14,910 --> 00:02:18,163
responsible for the Kelly
Ann Grunther Foundation.

56
00:02:18,247 --> 00:02:19,748
Yes, but what does that mean?

57
00:02:19,832 --> 00:02:22,459
She's a very wealthy person
that put up a lot of money, right?

58
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,127
I thought she had some kind of disease.

59
00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:26,129
I thought she was a
scientist doing research.

60
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:27,839
In other words, it could've been called

61
00:02:27,923 --> 00:02:30,508
the Eddie Eddieman Foundation
as long as there was fancy food

62
00:02:30,592 --> 00:02:32,679
on silver platters.

63
00:02:38,476 --> 00:02:40,102
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

64
00:02:40,186 --> 00:02:41,812
Do you see anything exciting to bid on?

65
00:02:41,896 --> 00:02:44,940
Well, no, it's mostly the
same items as last year.

66
00:02:45,024 --> 00:02:47,860
"A day of beauty with
internationally known stylist Raphael."

67
00:02:47,944 --> 00:02:49,779
Yes, I see Missy
Cromwell put down for that.

68
00:02:49,863 --> 00:02:50,988
Well, can you blame her?

69
00:02:51,072 --> 00:02:53,699
Her last day of beauty was
during the Johnson administration.

70
00:02:53,783 --> 00:02:55,243
[CHUCKLING]

71
00:02:56,202 --> 00:02:58,204
Actually, Niles, this
is rather interesting.

72
00:02:58,288 --> 00:03:00,164
"The Laureate Luncheon.

73
00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:03,084
"Break bread with three
Nobel Prize winners,"

74
00:03:03,168 --> 00:03:07,463
Doctors Alan Zafrin, Jane
Randall, and Terence Quinn."

75
00:03:07,547 --> 00:03:09,298
Oh, my.

76
00:03:09,382 --> 00:03:12,551
It's an opportunity to meet with three
of the greatest thinkers of our time.

77
00:03:12,635 --> 00:03:15,137
I'm amazed they even got them
all in the same room together.

78
00:03:15,221 --> 00:03:16,514
Zafrin is a legendary recluse.

79
00:03:16,598 --> 00:03:18,599
Yes, he'll be at Fiddlestix
tomorrow at noon.

80
00:03:18,683 --> 00:03:20,476
-I'll try that.
-Good luck to you, Niles.

81
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,104
-Thank you.
-They say Quinn is quite witty.

82
00:03:23,188 --> 00:03:28,359
In nuclear physics circles, he's
referred to as the half-life of the party.

83
00:03:28,443 --> 00:03:30,611
Well, what do we have at this table?

84
00:03:30,695 --> 00:03:34,700
Oh, the Windsor Monarch 2000, huh?

85
00:03:34,784 --> 00:03:36,660
Isn't this the one they had to recall

86
00:03:36,744 --> 00:03:39,538
because the propane tanks kept exploding?

87
00:03:39,622 --> 00:03:40,872
-They did?
-Yeah.

88
00:03:40,956 --> 00:03:43,750
I sure feel sorry for
this guy, Martin Crane.

89
00:03:43,834 --> 00:03:47,296
Better get himself an apron
that says "kiss the chef goodbye."

90
00:03:53,093 --> 00:03:54,511
Are you bidding on this one too?

91
00:03:54,595 --> 00:03:57,472
No, no, I'm Roz Doyle,
Frasier Crane's producer.

92
00:03:57,556 --> 00:04:00,350
If you win this, you'll be
spending the afternoon with me.

93
00:04:00,434 --> 00:04:03,186
Well, I hope I do.
I'm a big fan of the show.

94
00:04:03,270 --> 00:04:04,646
ROZ: Oh.

95
00:04:04,730 --> 00:04:07,024
Hello there.

96
00:04:08,484 --> 00:04:10,569
Hi, Noel. What are you doing here?

97
00:04:10,653 --> 00:04:13,238
I came to bid on my favorite auction item.

98
00:04:13,322 --> 00:04:15,866
I should warn you, Lady
Luck is on my side tonight.

99
00:04:15,950 --> 00:04:17,534
The last guy who rented this tux

100
00:04:17,618 --> 00:04:20,871
left a perfectly good comb in the pocket.

101
00:04:21,413 --> 00:04:22,748
-May I?
-Oh, gosh.

102
00:04:22,832 --> 00:04:24,666
Oh, there's no pen. I'm sorry, Noel.

103
00:04:24,750 --> 00:04:26,627
No problemo.

104
00:04:27,169 --> 00:04:29,129
I wear one around my neck.

105
00:04:32,551 --> 00:04:34,886
-Oh, damn.
-What is it?

106
00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:37,305
It looks like I have some
competition for this luncheon.

107
00:04:37,389 --> 00:04:41,101
An Alistair Mowbray
doubled my bid to $500.

108
00:04:42,352 --> 00:04:43,978
I've heard that name before.

109
00:04:44,062 --> 00:04:46,314
Yes, you know, it
sounds familiar to me too.

110
00:04:46,398 --> 00:04:49,442
Wait a minute, isn't he that
young, ruthless software tycoon?

111
00:04:49,526 --> 00:04:50,902
-Oh, great.
-Yeah.

112
00:04:50,986 --> 00:04:52,987
There's no use competing
against those deep pockets.

113
00:04:53,071 --> 00:04:54,906
But this vase here deserves a second look.

114
00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:57,074
Yes, but wait a minute.

115
00:04:57,158 --> 00:04:58,618
Mowbray?

116
00:04:58,702 --> 00:05:01,204
Wasn't that the nom de
plume you used in prep school

117
00:05:01,288 --> 00:05:03,456
for your society column?

118
00:05:04,958 --> 00:05:06,667
What a remarkable coincidence.

119
00:05:06,751 --> 00:05:08,419
Oh, pa.

120
00:05:08,503 --> 00:05:10,213
You were secretly trying to outbid me.

121
00:05:10,297 --> 00:05:13,549
All right. I thought if you were bidding
against a stranger, you'd go so high,

122
00:05:13,633 --> 00:05:16,552
but if it was me, then your childish
competitiveness would kick in.

123
00:05:16,636 --> 00:05:18,304
Well, that is nonsense. Give me the pen.

124
00:05:18,388 --> 00:05:19,972
No, no, I'm saving you from yourself.

125
00:05:20,056 --> 00:05:21,307
-Give me that.
-I will not.

126
00:05:21,391 --> 00:05:23,893
In the name of Kelly Ann Grunther
and everything she stands for…

127
00:05:23,977 --> 00:05:25,561
-She can't stand.
-How do you know?

128
00:05:25,645 --> 00:05:26,813
I asked.

129
00:05:29,608 --> 00:05:31,567
I can't believe I'm bidding this much.

130
00:05:31,651 --> 00:05:34,029
Don't worry. We're gonna have so much fun.

131
00:05:34,113 --> 00:05:37,241
It'll be so great being in
that booth together, Roz.

132
00:05:37,325 --> 00:05:39,576
No need to get me extra headphones.

133
00:05:39,660 --> 00:05:42,120
-I'll just share yours.
-Oh!

134
00:05:42,204 --> 00:05:45,958
We are coming up on the
final minute of tonight's auction.

135
00:05:46,042 --> 00:05:50,003
No bids will be accepted
after the whistle blow.

136
00:05:50,087 --> 00:05:52,130
Listen, Jody, can I talk to you?

137
00:05:52,214 --> 00:05:56,844
I'd love to bid more,
but I'm really at my limit.

138
00:05:58,930 --> 00:06:02,975
I really want you to win this.
I really think we would hit it off.

139
00:06:03,059 --> 00:06:04,184
Oh, you too, huh?

140
00:06:04,268 --> 00:06:08,397
I thought I sensed a little
spark between us, Roz.

141
00:06:08,481 --> 00:06:10,399
A spark?

142
00:06:10,983 --> 00:06:14,820
Maybe after the show we could
get a drink or have some dinner?

143
00:06:14,904 --> 00:06:16,572
Ah.

144
00:06:22,453 --> 00:06:24,955
You like Italian?

145
00:06:25,039 --> 00:06:28,041
Well, I think it's time to
separate the men from the boys.

146
00:06:28,125 --> 00:06:31,336
You will never top this bid.

147
00:06:31,420 --> 00:06:33,256
You're right, Niles. I won't top it.

148
00:06:34,007 --> 00:06:36,677
I will double it.

149
00:06:38,053 --> 00:06:42,348
Then I'd like to see the look on
your face when I double your bid.

150
00:06:42,432 --> 00:06:44,142
What?

151
00:06:45,227 --> 00:06:47,645
You didn't double it.
You just added $50 to it.

152
00:06:47,729 --> 00:06:48,855
[WHISTLE BLOWS]

153
00:06:48,939 --> 00:06:50,607
Yes!

154
00:06:51,108 --> 00:06:52,400
The geniuses are mine.

155
00:06:52,484 --> 00:06:55,403
Well, there certainly
was some spirited bidding

156
00:06:55,487 --> 00:06:57,137
over this luncheon, wasn't there?

157
00:06:57,990 --> 00:06:59,365
My goodness.

158
00:06:59,449 --> 00:07:03,286
Four thousand, 50 dollars.

159
00:07:03,370 --> 00:07:04,537
What have I done?

160
00:07:04,621 --> 00:07:07,749
You've let your competitiveness get
the better of you. It serves you right.

161
00:07:07,833 --> 00:07:10,960
Due to the overwhelming
interest in this luncheon,

162
00:07:11,044 --> 00:07:13,922
I propose adding
another place to the table.

163
00:07:14,006 --> 00:07:17,592
That is, if we can convince
our runner-up, Dr. Frasier Crane,

164
00:07:17,676 --> 00:07:20,095
to match his brother's generous bid.

165
00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:23,640
[APPLAUSE]

166
00:07:23,724 --> 00:07:25,559
What do you say, Dr. Crane?

167
00:07:27,352 --> 00:07:29,479
All right.

168
00:07:33,484 --> 00:07:38,030
Dear God, we've just
spent $8,000 for a lunch.

169
00:07:38,114 --> 00:07:40,574
Frasier, just try to remember
it's for a very worthy cause.

170
00:07:40,658 --> 00:07:42,493
Thanks to the Doctors Crane,

171
00:07:42,577 --> 00:07:48,874
there will be a lot fewer homeless
cats on the streets of Seattle next year.

172
00:07:48,958 --> 00:07:51,502
[APPLAUSE]

173
00:07:59,677 --> 00:08:01,095
-MARTIN: Hey, Daph.
-DAPHNE: Hey.

174
00:08:01,179 --> 00:08:03,138
-Have a good time at the auction?
-Oh, yeah.

175
00:08:03,222 --> 00:08:07,184
I got a great new barbecue,
Windsor Monarch 2000.

176
00:08:07,268 --> 00:08:10,437
I wonder if they named it that because
that's the one the royal family uses.

177
00:08:10,521 --> 00:08:11,855
DAPHNE: Oh, I'm sure it is.

178
00:08:11,939 --> 00:08:14,274
That's actually the new
postage stamp in England.

179
00:08:14,358 --> 00:08:18,488
Her Majesty with a pair of
barbecue tongs and a sauce brush.

180
00:08:20,531 --> 00:08:23,701
Yes, well, at least Dad didn't
have to go into debt for his purchase.

181
00:08:23,785 --> 00:08:27,454
Oh, yes. Roz told me about
your lunch with the geniuses.

182
00:08:27,538 --> 00:08:30,666
-What? Roz beat us back here?
-Yeah, she was trying to ditch Noel.

183
00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:34,588
Apparently, he's not allowed
onto the highway with his moped.

184
00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:40,510
Frasier, do you ever wonder
why we do all this competition?

185
00:08:40,594 --> 00:08:42,679
Where did it even start?

186
00:08:43,931 --> 00:08:46,266
Well, that's a good question, Niles.

187
00:08:46,350 --> 00:08:48,393
Well, think back.

188
00:08:48,477 --> 00:08:51,377
What is the first thing you can
remember us competing over?

189
00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:54,024
Have to be Mom.

190
00:08:54,108 --> 00:08:56,443
We were always jockeying
for her time and attention.

191
00:08:56,527 --> 00:09:00,280
Yes, well, it was a lot more
difficult for me, actually.

192
00:09:00,364 --> 00:09:03,199
-You being her favorite.
-What?

193
00:09:03,283 --> 00:09:04,451
You were the favorite.

194
00:09:04,535 --> 00:09:06,536
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Niles.
She adored you.

195
00:09:06,620 --> 00:09:08,997
Don't you remember the
time that you lost your tricycle?

196
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:11,416
She actually took mine
away from me, gave it to you.

197
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:12,709
That was for your own good.

198
00:09:12,793 --> 00:09:15,838
No 8-year-old should be riding a tricycle.

199
00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:23,637
I had a chronic ear infection
that affected my balance.

200
00:09:24,888 --> 00:09:27,182
Mom worshiped the ground you walked on.

201
00:09:27,266 --> 00:09:29,851
Remember when we brought
those bowls home from pottery class,

202
00:09:29,935 --> 00:09:33,481
she used yours for cranberry sauce at
Thanksgiving and mine as a dog dish.

203
00:09:33,565 --> 00:09:36,915
What did you expect her to do?
You painted a little dog right on it.

204
00:09:37,068 --> 00:09:39,112
That was a turkey.

205
00:09:41,990 --> 00:09:45,367
Well, isn't this ironic?

206
00:09:45,451 --> 00:09:47,703
If both of us thinks the
other one was the favorite

207
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:49,038
then neither of us was.

208
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,873
Oh, so all our competition was pointless.

209
00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:53,000
Oh, I wish we'd talked
about this years ago.

210
00:09:53,084 --> 00:09:54,210
Oh, Lord, yes.

211
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:57,254
The angst we could have spared ourselves.

212
00:09:57,338 --> 00:10:00,257
Do you remember those
IQ tests that we took?

213
00:10:00,341 --> 00:10:04,011
-I was sick waiting for the results.
-Which we never found out, of course.

214
00:10:04,095 --> 00:10:07,556
Mom refused to tell us anything
except that we were two points apart.

215
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:11,227
-I knew you had the higher score.
-I was convinced you did.

216
00:10:11,728 --> 00:10:12,937
Well,

217
00:10:13,021 --> 00:10:14,647
Mom was certainly right not to tell us.

218
00:10:14,731 --> 00:10:16,315
Yes, she certainly was.

219
00:10:16,399 --> 00:10:19,819
She knew back then that
we were both too childish

220
00:10:19,903 --> 00:10:22,530
and competitive to handle it.

221
00:10:28,870 --> 00:10:31,998
You know what would be
a sign of real growth, Niles?

222
00:10:32,957 --> 00:10:34,459
To find out those scores right now?

223
00:10:34,543 --> 00:10:36,962
Exactly. How often in life are
you afforded an opportunity

224
00:10:37,046 --> 00:10:39,214
to discover really how
much you've evolved?

225
00:10:39,298 --> 00:10:40,591
Exactly. Dad?

226
00:10:41,717 --> 00:10:43,677
Do you know what our IQs are?

227
00:10:43,761 --> 00:10:47,473
No, but I got a pretty good
idea at that auction tonight.

228
00:10:51,060 --> 00:10:53,436
No, Dad, the IQ tests that we
took when we were children.

229
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,147
-Would you have saved those?
-Sure.

230
00:10:55,231 --> 00:10:59,151
Your mother and I saved all that stuff,
report cards, finger paintings, poems.

231
00:10:59,235 --> 00:11:02,195
It's in an old Ballantine's
box in my closet.

232
00:11:02,279 --> 00:11:03,864
Oh, Dad, why don't you just admit it?

233
00:11:03,948 --> 00:11:05,949
You're more of a
sentimentalist than you let on.

234
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,367
Yeah, I guess I am.

235
00:11:07,451 --> 00:11:08,827
That was the first case of beer

236
00:11:08,911 --> 00:11:11,580
your mother and I ever bought together.

237
00:11:13,916 --> 00:11:16,543
I still can't get over how
much they spent at that auction.

238
00:11:16,627 --> 00:11:18,879
Oh, they've always tried
to one-up each other.

239
00:11:18,963 --> 00:11:20,881
Yeah, I suppose all
brothers are like that.

240
00:11:20,965 --> 00:11:24,009
Mine certainly were.
Everything was a contest.

241
00:11:24,093 --> 00:11:26,970
Who could run the
fastest, jump the highest.

242
00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:30,056
They even had this strange one
where they'd take little brother Michael,

243
00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:33,351
put him in a potato sack and see
who could bowl him the farthest

244
00:11:33,435 --> 00:11:35,397
over the frozen lake out back.

245
00:11:37,357 --> 00:11:38,774
Oh, they loved that game.

246
00:11:38,858 --> 00:11:41,652
Until that year the
spring thaw set in early,

247
00:11:41,736 --> 00:11:44,614
and poor Michael went
right through the ice.

248
00:11:44,698 --> 00:11:47,575
Oh, they caught hell
for that one, they did.

249
00:11:47,659 --> 00:11:50,996
Caught it worse a week later
when Michael's toe finally fell off.

250
00:11:52,789 --> 00:11:55,458
Michael cried and cried,

251
00:11:55,542 --> 00:11:59,296
till they told him to put it under
his pillow for the Toe Fairy.

252
00:12:00,171 --> 00:12:01,756
Then when he got five quid for it, why,

253
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,759
it was all they could do to stop
him from sawing off the rest of them.

254
00:12:04,843 --> 00:12:07,845
MARTIN: God, what's
keeping you guys with that box?

255
00:12:07,929 --> 00:12:09,597
Here it is, Dad.

256
00:12:09,681 --> 00:12:12,975
Gosh, this is a virtual
treasure trove of memorabilia.

257
00:12:13,059 --> 00:12:16,729
Can't believe what's in this.
Choir ribbons, Most improved Badminton.

258
00:12:16,813 --> 00:12:18,856
-Oh, yes.
-The tap dance certificate.

259
00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:21,776
Yeah, I remember going
through that box with your mother.

260
00:12:21,860 --> 00:12:24,445
She always knew just
what to say to cheer me up.

261
00:12:24,529 --> 00:12:29,700
"So what if the trophy says
'Baking' instead of 'Baseball', Marty.

262
00:12:29,784 --> 00:12:34,122
Catcher's mitts or oven mitts,
they're our little champions."

263
00:12:37,835 --> 00:12:41,838
Now, wait, this is report cards.
This might be something.

264
00:12:41,922 --> 00:12:44,050
Well, here they are.

265
00:12:49,972 --> 00:12:51,932
Congratulations, Frasier. One twenty-nine.

266
00:12:52,016 --> 00:12:53,433
MARTIN: Is that good?

267
00:12:53,517 --> 00:12:55,602
Oh, good? It's practically genius.
Bravo, Frasier.

268
00:12:55,686 --> 00:12:57,229
Listen up, Niles, now.

269
00:12:57,313 --> 00:12:58,689
Where are you? Higher or lower?

270
00:12:58,773 --> 00:13:01,609
I don't see mine yet. I am…

271
00:13:04,278 --> 00:13:05,904
…higher.

272
00:13:05,988 --> 00:13:10,201
Well, congratulations.
I doff my hat to you, Mr. 131.

273
00:13:11,702 --> 00:13:13,496
Higher.

274
00:13:16,290 --> 00:13:18,875
What do you mean, higher?
Mom told us we were two points apart.

275
00:13:18,959 --> 00:13:21,378
Well, apparently, Mom was being tactful.

276
00:13:21,462 --> 00:13:22,629
How tactful?

277
00:13:22,713 --> 00:13:25,007
-Well…
-Give me that!

278
00:13:28,844 --> 00:13:32,222
One fifty-six. My God, that's…

279
00:13:32,306 --> 00:13:34,600
-Twenty-seven points.
-Yes, I know!

280
00:13:37,229 --> 00:13:39,188
I never should have told
you guys about the box.

281
00:13:39,272 --> 00:13:40,773
No, no, Dad, I'm fine with this.

282
00:13:40,857 --> 00:13:42,775
The entire point of this
exercise was to prove

283
00:13:42,859 --> 00:13:45,194
that Niles and I have moved
beyond our competitiveness.

284
00:13:45,278 --> 00:13:50,033
And we have.
I'm very proud of my little brother.

285
00:13:50,117 --> 00:13:51,326
NILES: Thank you. Thank you.

286
00:13:51,410 --> 00:13:54,078
And I am proud of how mature
you are being about all of this.

287
00:13:54,162 --> 00:13:57,457
If there were a test for maturity, I
think your score would be much…

288
00:13:57,541 --> 00:13:59,251
Niles, that's enough.

289
00:14:01,378 --> 00:14:05,298
You know what? I suggest that we
go ahead and call it a night, Niles.

290
00:14:05,382 --> 00:14:08,551
We want to be nice and
refreshed for our meeting

291
00:14:08,635 --> 00:14:10,762
with the three geniuses tomorrow.

292
00:14:10,846 --> 00:14:14,015
Or in my case, the four geniuses.

293
00:14:14,099 --> 00:14:16,476
Oh, now, you, well…

294
00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:19,228
Good night, Dad.
Well, I'll meet you at the restaurant.

295
00:14:19,312 --> 00:14:20,897
-FRASIER: Oh, good night, Niles.
-Yeah, okay.

296
00:14:20,981 --> 00:14:23,358
-FRASIER: Sleep tight.
-You too.

297
00:14:24,818 --> 00:14:28,113
Daphne, is that university
library open all night?

298
00:14:28,738 --> 00:14:30,531
I think so. Why do you ask?

299
00:14:30,615 --> 00:14:32,742
Do you think I'd let my
little brother humiliate me?

300
00:14:32,826 --> 00:14:35,746
-What the hell are you talking about?
-Dad, he is smarter than I am.

301
00:14:35,830 --> 00:14:38,957
Niles will be sitting there rambling on
with the geniuses about the cosmos,

302
00:14:39,041 --> 00:14:42,336
black holes, matter, anti-matter,
and I won't matter at all.

303
00:14:43,045 --> 00:14:45,589
I'm going to have to make
myself a nice thermos full of coffee

304
00:14:45,673 --> 00:14:46,924
and get down to that library.

305
00:14:47,008 --> 00:14:49,468
Frasier, what do you think
you're gonna learn in one night?

306
00:14:49,552 --> 00:14:51,887
Just enough to ask some
informed questions, Dad.

307
00:14:51,971 --> 00:14:55,307
I may not have a 156
IQ, but I am a quick study.

308
00:14:55,391 --> 00:14:57,643
Daphne, is there something
wrong with this coffee pot?

309
00:14:57,727 --> 00:14:58,852
You have to plug it in.

310
00:14:58,936 --> 00:15:01,386
Well, there.
You won't have to tell me that again.

311
00:15:09,780 --> 00:15:10,906
Hello, Niles.

312
00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:13,409
Frasier. Sleep well last night?

313
00:15:13,493 --> 00:15:15,828
Oh, yes. Like a baby.

314
00:15:15,912 --> 00:15:18,998
Like a baby with library privileges.

315
00:15:20,708 --> 00:15:21,834
I know what you did.

316
00:15:21,918 --> 00:15:23,210
How?

317
00:15:23,294 --> 00:15:25,212
The way you rushed
me out of there last night.

318
00:15:25,296 --> 00:15:27,506
I sensed something was
up so I waited in my car,

319
00:15:27,590 --> 00:15:30,217
and sure enough, ten minutes
later you tore out of your garage.

320
00:15:30,301 --> 00:15:32,136
Oh, Niles, I'm so sorry. It's just that…

321
00:15:32,220 --> 00:15:36,141
No, no, no, I don't wanna hear
any more of your facile excuses.

322
00:15:36,225 --> 00:15:37,308
[SNEEZES]

323
00:15:37,392 --> 00:15:38,601
-Excuse me.
-<i>Gesundheit.</i>

324
00:15:38,685 --> 00:15:42,397
I'm sorry, I think your
competitiveness has sunk to a new low.

325
00:15:42,481 --> 00:15:43,857
Please, I'm ashamed of you.

326
00:15:43,941 --> 00:15:45,150
Please, I'm terribly sorry.

327
00:15:45,234 --> 00:15:49,154
It's just I was so insecure about
even coming to this luncheon at all.

328
00:15:49,738 --> 00:15:51,072
Wait a minute.

329
00:15:51,156 --> 00:15:53,032
You just scratched your ear.

330
00:15:53,116 --> 00:15:54,701
You were at the library too.

331
00:15:54,785 --> 00:15:56,202
I most certainly was not.

332
00:15:56,286 --> 00:15:58,705
The only thing that makes
you sneeze and scratch your ear

333
00:15:58,789 --> 00:16:00,832
is your parchment-mite allergy!

334
00:16:02,834 --> 00:16:06,504
So that was you sneezing
from behind the stacks all night.

335
00:16:06,588 --> 00:16:08,131
[SNEEZING]

336
00:16:08,215 --> 00:16:09,883
Oh, I had to go.

337
00:16:09,967 --> 00:16:12,635
I knew you'd be racing through
those scientific journals faster

338
00:16:12,719 --> 00:16:15,096
than a proton in a particle accelerator.

339
00:16:15,180 --> 00:16:17,098
Oh, stop showing off.

340
00:16:17,182 --> 00:16:20,310
Speaking of accelerating particles,
do something about that sneezing.

341
00:16:20,394 --> 00:16:23,229
I took some of these before, but
they're not as strong as I thought.

342
00:16:23,313 --> 00:16:25,607
I'm going to take a couple more.

343
00:16:26,858 --> 00:16:28,110
[SNEEZES]

344
00:16:34,866 --> 00:16:38,329
Niles, why don't you just
go home and go to bed?

345
00:16:38,413 --> 00:16:41,313
Oh, that is exactly what you'd
like for me to be happening.

346
00:16:42,834 --> 00:16:44,335
What did you just say?

347
00:16:44,836 --> 00:16:49,048
Well, you didn't repeat it the
first time, I'm not gonna listen to it.

348
00:16:49,132 --> 00:16:51,759
Niles, that medication,
it's affecting your speech.

349
00:16:51,843 --> 00:16:53,427
You've just taken a second dose of it.

350
00:16:53,511 --> 00:16:55,346
You're gonna make a fool out of yourself.

351
00:16:55,430 --> 00:16:56,555
Well, you should talk.

352
00:16:56,639 --> 00:16:59,391
Look at your shaking
hands and your twitchy eyes.

353
00:16:59,475 --> 00:17:02,311
You were up all night drinking
coffee all last night, weren't you?

354
00:17:02,395 --> 00:17:05,564
I am not twitching.
You will not psych me into twitching.

355
00:17:05,648 --> 00:17:09,151
Gentlemen, may I offer you a…

356
00:17:09,235 --> 00:17:12,571
-Sir, is your eye bothering you?
-No, no, it's fine.

357
00:17:12,655 --> 00:17:14,073
Can I get you something to drink?

358
00:17:14,157 --> 00:17:17,618
No, thank you.
Well, yes, some coffee. Decaf.

359
00:17:17,702 --> 00:17:20,747
I'd like a cup of tea sounds nice.

360
00:17:22,540 --> 00:17:24,041
-Very good.
-You know what, Niles?

361
00:17:24,125 --> 00:17:26,878
You really should leave.
You're embarrassing yourself.

362
00:17:27,712 --> 00:17:29,004
For God's sakes.

363
00:17:29,088 --> 00:17:31,340
I'm never leaving while
you're still not leaving.

364
00:17:31,424 --> 00:17:35,261
You know you had the good bed.

365
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:37,180
Well, now, you're just hallucinating.

366
00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:39,182
No, when we moved to Wallace Lane,

367
00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:40,934
and we shared a room and you got to pick

368
00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:43,979
where you would be having your sleeping.

369
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:47,107
Niles, the beds were identical.

370
00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:48,817
Why am I even bothering to explain this

371
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,236
to a man who has his elbow in the butter?

372
00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:55,532
Well, who is hallucinationing now?

373
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:57,867
Niles, have you ever
taken these pills before?

374
00:17:57,951 --> 00:18:00,704
No, but they fixed my nose.

375
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,747
No, I just wish they
wouldn't make me so hyper.

376
00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:04,291
Yes. Oh, good Lord!

377
00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:07,586
For God's sakes, you spilled
water all over me, you jackass.

378
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,754
-Here, just give me another napkin.
-Oh, napkin.

379
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:13,133
-Give me, give me, give me that!
-Napkin, napkin, napkin.

380
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,303
-Oh, Niles, wake up, wake up.
-ZAFRIN: Excuse me.

381
00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,222
Oh, Dr. Zafrin.

382
00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:21,683
Goodness, this is quite an honor.

383
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:24,103
Here, allow me.

384
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,700
Allow me to introduce Dr. Niles Crane.

385
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,160
[NILES SNEEZES]

386
00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:52,549
Oh, well, Niles, I'm surprised
to see you up so soon.

387
00:18:53,508 --> 00:18:54,675
You feel all right?

388
00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:57,595
I feel not bad. A little dry.

389
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,430
When I blink, it makes a scratching noise.

390
00:18:59,514 --> 00:19:01,349
FRASIER: Well, here.

391
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:03,267
Let me get you a little water here.

392
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:04,769
-Well, thank you.
-Here we are.

393
00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:08,773
So how long did we last at the lunch?

394
00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:10,483
Well, not too long.

395
00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:15,321
Nine thousand dollars doesn't
buy you the leisurely lunch it used to.

396
00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:17,823
Wait a minute. I thought it was 8000.

397
00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:20,707
No, no, no, you knocked over
the aquarium on the way out.

398
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:27,041
You know, if ever I feel
envy about your IQ again,

399
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:31,504
I'll just conjure up the image of
you sprawled out on a bed of live koi,

400
00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:37,052
weeping and desperately trying
to revive that little plastic diver.

401
00:19:40,389 --> 00:19:41,932
Oh, dear God.

402
00:19:42,016 --> 00:19:44,768
Hurry up with those patties.
I got five more pounds in the fridge.

403
00:19:44,852 --> 00:19:46,561
Right, Dad.

404
00:19:46,645 --> 00:19:49,272
Dad's having his poker chums
over to test out the new barbecue.

405
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:50,732
You can give me a hand here.

406
00:19:50,816 --> 00:19:55,445
Is it gonna end, Frasier?
All this obsessive competitiveness.

407
00:19:55,529 --> 00:19:59,366
Oh, probably never, Niles.

408
00:19:59,450 --> 00:20:00,742
You know, whether it started

409
00:20:00,826 --> 00:20:03,078
with seeking Mom's approval
or some other insecurity,

410
00:20:03,162 --> 00:20:06,498
we're locked in a pattern now
that we'll probably never get out of.

411
00:20:06,582 --> 00:20:08,542
-That sounds bleak.
-No, no, not necessarily.

412
00:20:08,626 --> 00:20:11,169
-There have been some benefits to it.
-What?

413
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,213
I probably wouldn't have
done so well in school

414
00:20:13,297 --> 00:20:15,590
if it hadn't been for my
fear that I'd be bested

415
00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:18,093
by my brainy little brother.

416
00:20:20,012 --> 00:20:23,724
Well, I was certainly spurred
on by your success as well.

417
00:20:23,808 --> 00:20:27,352
Why else would I have joined the chess
club, the drama club and the key club?

418
00:20:27,436 --> 00:20:29,604
And what other possible
reason would there be for me

419
00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:32,649
to spend an entire summer
training a seeing-eye dog?

420
00:20:32,733 --> 00:20:35,110
Aside from helping the blind.

421
00:20:35,861 --> 00:20:36,945
You know what?

422
00:20:37,029 --> 00:20:42,118
I might not have pushed
myself on to Harvard and Oxford.

423
00:20:43,036 --> 00:20:45,538
Well, I might not have
been led to psychiatry,

424
00:20:45,622 --> 00:20:48,458
which has been the
saving grace of my life.

425
00:20:49,209 --> 00:20:50,626
You see, Niles, frankly,

426
00:20:50,710 --> 00:20:53,087
we both have a lot to
thank each other for.

427
00:20:53,171 --> 00:20:55,173
We've come a long way
from those two little boys

428
00:20:55,257 --> 00:20:58,676
just starving for a parent's approval.

429
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,887
-How are they coming?
-Oh, just great, Dad.

430
00:21:00,971 --> 00:21:02,889
-We're going as fast as we can.
-Here you are.

431
00:21:02,973 --> 00:21:05,933
-Nice job on those patties.
-Thank you.

432
00:21:06,017 --> 00:21:07,310
-Really? You think so?
-MARTIN: Yeah.

433
00:21:07,394 --> 00:21:11,397
Not too thick, not too thin,
tight enough to hold their shape.

434
00:21:11,481 --> 00:21:12,815
Perfect.

435
00:21:12,899 --> 00:21:14,442
Well, thank you, Dad.

436
00:21:14,526 --> 00:21:17,571
-Yeah, wait till you see the next batch.
-Yeah.

437
00:21:19,573 --> 00:21:22,158
You know, I'm surprised
you let him keep that out there.

438
00:21:22,242 --> 00:21:26,913
Oh, well, yeah. It's a bit of an eyesore
and, frankly, kind of a fire hazard,

439
00:21:26,997 --> 00:21:28,956
but what the hell, it makes him happy.

440
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,167
Lodged an anonymous
complaint with the building?

441
00:21:31,251 --> 00:21:33,351
-It'll be gone by Thursday.
-That's nice.

442
00:21:40,887 --> 00:21:42,889
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]