1 00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:04,042 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:10,968 --> 00:00:13,554 MARTIN: Jeez, look at this stuff. 3 00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:16,182 "Golden Sunset Retirement Village." 4 00:00:16,726 --> 00:00:18,728 "Investments for Seniors." 5 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:23,859 "Willowbrook Mortuary"? What the hell kind of list am I on? 6 00:00:23,943 --> 00:00:25,152 The good news is, 7 00:00:25,236 --> 00:00:27,739 it's not the kind of list they keep you on very long. 8 00:00:27,823 --> 00:00:28,657 [SIGHS] 9 00:00:28,741 --> 00:00:33,038 Ever since I turned 65, all I get is geezer mail. It's very depressing. 10 00:00:34,039 --> 00:00:37,877 If you ask me, the only thing depressing about being a geezer is looking like one. 11 00:00:37,961 --> 00:00:40,880 There's lots of things a person can do to look younger. 12 00:00:40,964 --> 00:00:44,510 -How he dresses… -Nah. I tried those Jordache jeans. 13 00:00:45,554 --> 00:00:48,304 I think you ought to leave something to the imagination. 14 00:00:49,267 --> 00:00:51,561 Well, there's always your hair. 15 00:00:51,645 --> 00:00:53,146 I know it's not exactly your style, 16 00:00:53,230 --> 00:00:55,900 but there's nothing wrong with covering up that gray. 17 00:00:55,984 --> 00:00:58,987 I know just the right shade for you. Cinnamon sable. 18 00:01:01,032 --> 00:01:04,662 "Cinnamon sable," huh? Sounds nice. 19 00:01:05,287 --> 00:01:07,373 Oh, wait, I couldn't use that. 20 00:01:07,457 --> 00:01:10,127 That's Duke's shade. He'd scratch my eyes out. 21 00:01:10,211 --> 00:01:11,545 [DOORBELL RINGS] 22 00:01:12,797 --> 00:01:15,633 -Hello, Niles. -Frasier, prepare to salivate. 23 00:01:15,717 --> 00:01:19,263 Niles, if that is a picture of your Biedermeier loveseat, 24 00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:20,847 you've already shown it to me. 25 00:01:21,225 --> 00:01:23,727 No, this is a photo of my latest purchase. 26 00:01:23,811 --> 00:01:27,356 An exquisite 18th-century Turkish prayer rug. 27 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,526 Paid a fortune for it, but legend says 28 00:01:29,610 --> 00:01:32,110 whatever you pray for on this rug will come to you. 29 00:01:32,447 --> 00:01:34,047 Certainly worked for the dealer. 30 00:01:37,578 --> 00:01:40,328 Oh, I'm sorry, Niles. I'm just not in the best of moods. 31 00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:44,086 I had another disastrous blind date. 32 00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:45,338 -Oh, I'm sorry. -I mean… 33 00:01:45,422 --> 00:01:48,300 Murderers on death row can find women to marry them. 34 00:01:50,053 --> 00:01:52,389 I can't find one to sit through coffee with me. 35 00:01:53,391 --> 00:01:54,850 It's easy for those men to attract women. 36 00:01:54,934 --> 00:01:57,312 They have all that time to work out in the yard. 37 00:01:58,814 --> 00:02:01,400 I'm serious. I'm getting desperate here. 38 00:02:01,484 --> 00:02:03,027 Don't obsess about this. 39 00:02:03,695 --> 00:02:05,030 My love life's not better than yours, 40 00:02:05,114 --> 00:02:07,241 but you don't see me going off the deep end. 41 00:02:07,325 --> 00:02:08,535 Oh, really? 42 00:02:09,327 --> 00:02:11,914 Did it ever occur to you that this recent antique-buying binge 43 00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:15,919 is a way of sublimating your frustrated sexual desires? Hm? 44 00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:17,128 [SCOFFS] 45 00:02:17,212 --> 00:02:19,590 That's preposterous. These purchases have nothing to do with sex. 46 00:02:19,674 --> 00:02:20,591 Oh, don't they? 47 00:02:20,675 --> 00:02:21,885 In addition to the loveseat, 48 00:02:21,969 --> 00:02:26,600 let's see, your most recent acquisitions have been a French bed warmer, 49 00:02:27,517 --> 00:02:29,937 a pair of Toby jugs. 50 00:02:30,855 --> 00:02:33,609 The less said about that Civil War ramrod, the better. 51 00:02:36,654 --> 00:02:39,909 Oh, you Freudians. Sometimes a ramrod is just a… 52 00:02:40,993 --> 00:02:43,162 Oh, hell, even I can't make that one fly. 53 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,541 Take heart. We're in the same boat. 54 00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:47,960 -Hi. -The hard part is, 55 00:02:48,044 --> 00:02:49,594 where do you go to meet people? 56 00:02:49,921 --> 00:02:51,089 Oh, it's not that hard. 57 00:02:51,173 --> 00:02:53,758 Yesterday, I met a very nice man at the grocery. 58 00:02:53,842 --> 00:02:54,677 We got to talking, 59 00:02:54,761 --> 00:02:57,472 and he asked me if I was free Saturday night. I said yes. 60 00:02:57,556 --> 00:02:59,933 He said, "Oh, wait, it's me niece's bat mitzvah." 61 00:03:00,017 --> 00:03:01,602 I said, "I've never been to a bat mitzvah." 62 00:03:01,686 --> 00:03:03,521 He said, "Would you like to go to the bat mitzvah?" 63 00:03:03,605 --> 00:03:05,941 I said, "Oh, yes, I'd love to go to the bat mitzvah…" 64 00:03:06,025 --> 00:03:07,192 -So he said… -Daphne? 65 00:03:07,276 --> 00:03:08,278 Yes? 66 00:03:08,904 --> 00:03:10,404 Oh, nothing. I'm sorry. Go on. 67 00:03:10,948 --> 00:03:11,824 Hmm. 68 00:03:11,908 --> 00:03:14,452 I seem to have lost my train of thought. 69 00:03:15,788 --> 00:03:17,456 Oh, well. Anyone like some tea? 70 00:03:17,540 --> 00:03:20,440 -FRASIER: Love some. Thank you. -NILES: Thank you. Yes. 71 00:03:21,461 --> 00:03:24,411 Little trick I discovered a few weeks ago. It's a lifesaver. 72 00:03:24,799 --> 00:03:25,758 Anyway… 73 00:03:26,552 --> 00:03:27,761 As I was saying, 74 00:03:28,303 --> 00:03:31,140 where does one go to meet available women? 75 00:03:31,683 --> 00:03:33,017 There are singles bars. 76 00:03:33,101 --> 00:03:33,977 -Yeah. -Uh… 77 00:03:34,061 --> 00:03:35,270 We could join a health club. 78 00:03:35,354 --> 00:03:37,982 Oh. There's a splendid idea. 79 00:03:38,066 --> 00:03:41,445 Yes, I can just picture the two of us, tank tops and spandex. 80 00:03:42,029 --> 00:03:45,575 With matching headbands, we might as well sterilize ourselves. 81 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,411 Well, sounds like fun, Daph. 82 00:03:48,037 --> 00:03:50,623 If she says "bat mitzvah" one more time… 83 00:03:52,084 --> 00:03:53,460 -Hey, Niles. -Hey, Dad. 84 00:03:53,544 --> 00:03:55,797 If you're smart, you come up with an idea. 85 00:03:55,881 --> 00:03:59,009 -What are you talking about? -Oh, just our pathetic love lives. 86 00:03:59,093 --> 00:04:01,720 Well, why don't you do what my buddies and I used to do 87 00:04:01,804 --> 00:04:04,182 when we were young and hard up for dates? 88 00:04:04,266 --> 00:04:05,308 Invade Korea? 89 00:04:05,392 --> 00:04:07,228 [LAUGHING] 90 00:04:11,108 --> 00:04:13,319 No, we'd throw a party with one rule. 91 00:04:13,403 --> 00:04:16,030 Only single, available people were invited. 92 00:04:16,114 --> 00:04:19,535 Well, I don't know, Dad. That doesn't really sound like us. 93 00:04:19,619 --> 00:04:22,455 It works. I used to throw one a month. 94 00:04:22,539 --> 00:04:24,589 People used to call them "Marty parties." 95 00:04:25,084 --> 00:04:28,672 People would call me and say, "Hey, Marty, when's the next Marty party?" 96 00:04:28,756 --> 00:04:32,885 "Isn't it time for another Marty party? Sure had a great time at the last one." 97 00:04:32,969 --> 00:04:34,972 -Uh, Dad. -Yeah? 98 00:04:35,056 --> 00:04:37,642 Oh, I'm sorry. Nothing. Go on. 99 00:04:38,477 --> 00:04:41,277 Or somebody might say, "Can I host the next Marty party?" 100 00:04:42,398 --> 00:04:44,198 -Doesn't always work. -I see. Yeah. 101 00:04:44,734 --> 00:04:45,610 Um, thanks, Dad, 102 00:04:45,694 --> 00:04:49,240 but I don't think we're hard up enough yet to stage a singles party. 103 00:04:49,324 --> 00:04:53,328 Okay, suit yourself. Well, we'll just get ready for the evening. 104 00:04:53,412 --> 00:04:57,917 I'll dish out the spaghetti, and you guys set up the card table. 105 00:04:58,001 --> 00:04:59,671 I got us a new jigsaw puzzle. 106 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,298 Ten thousand pieces. 107 00:05:04,718 --> 00:05:06,512 It's called The Wheat Field. 108 00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:15,662 -I'll send the invitations. -I'll call the caterer. 109 00:05:20,613 --> 00:05:22,616 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 110 00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:24,243 [DOORBELL RINGS] 111 00:05:28,916 --> 00:05:31,418 Hello. Welcome. Please come in. 112 00:05:31,502 --> 00:05:34,714 Niles, this is wonderful. I had no idea we'd get such a turnout. 113 00:05:34,798 --> 00:05:38,348 I know. Everywhere I look, there's a woman I want to get to know better. 114 00:05:38,887 --> 00:05:40,472 With some obvious exceptions. 115 00:05:42,016 --> 00:05:43,976 Roz, I didn't know you were coming. 116 00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:45,686 Hey, I know it's a long shot, 117 00:05:45,770 --> 00:05:48,649 but I figured I'd better get out and do a little flirting 118 00:05:48,733 --> 00:05:50,193 before I forget how. 119 00:05:50,277 --> 00:05:51,569 Can I offer you something? 120 00:05:51,653 --> 00:05:55,491 [GIGGLING] Yeah. Oh, yeah. Boy! I'm… 121 00:05:58,162 --> 00:06:00,665 My God, Roz, you are rusty. 122 00:06:02,083 --> 00:06:04,461 I know you've been striking out lately, 123 00:06:04,545 --> 00:06:07,924 but I invited someone guaranteed to improve your batting average. 124 00:06:08,008 --> 00:06:09,884 Not necessary. I've already met someone captivating. 125 00:06:09,968 --> 00:06:12,012 -Hi, Roz. -Tina, you made it. 126 00:06:12,096 --> 00:06:15,308 Oh, well, you know me. Have I ever said no to a good time? 127 00:06:15,392 --> 00:06:16,226 [TINA, ROZ LAUGH] 128 00:06:16,310 --> 00:06:18,360 That's what I was trying to tell Frasier. 129 00:06:19,689 --> 00:06:22,401 -Tina Kramer, meet Dr. Frasier Crane. -Hello. 130 00:06:22,485 --> 00:06:25,613 -Doctor, huh? -Yes, that's right. Roz? Roz. 131 00:06:25,697 --> 00:06:27,991 Ooh, strong hands. 132 00:06:28,075 --> 00:06:32,329 I guess it's true what they say: "Strong hands, strong mind." 133 00:06:32,413 --> 00:06:36,168 Yes, well, that's why you'll never see an unopened pickle jar at a Mensa meeting. 134 00:06:36,252 --> 00:06:37,670 [LAUGHS] 135 00:06:37,754 --> 00:06:38,713 Huh? 136 00:06:39,464 --> 00:06:41,634 Ooh, excuse me, I'm sorry. 137 00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:43,845 Ooh. Excuse me. 138 00:06:43,929 --> 00:06:44,762 Oh. 139 00:06:44,846 --> 00:06:46,431 Oh. [CHUCKLING] 140 00:06:47,016 --> 00:06:48,142 Martin? 141 00:06:50,938 --> 00:06:53,064 -You're looking at my hair, right? -Well, yeah. 142 00:06:53,148 --> 00:06:54,900 -Looks great. -Well, thanks. Yeah. 143 00:06:54,984 --> 00:06:56,402 I did it myself. 144 00:06:56,486 --> 00:06:58,572 -Get out. -Yeah, yeah, really. 145 00:06:59,406 --> 00:07:01,451 Well, Daphne suggested it. 146 00:07:01,535 --> 00:07:03,036 At first, I said, "No way," 147 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,330 but then I thought, "A lot of other guys do it. 148 00:07:05,414 --> 00:07:07,958 What better place to try it than here where nobody knows me?" 149 00:07:08,042 --> 00:07:09,544 [CHUCKLES] So I… 150 00:07:09,628 --> 00:07:10,962 Boy, you look great too. 151 00:07:11,046 --> 00:07:13,257 Oh, thanks. I was really happy with this dress. 152 00:07:13,341 --> 00:07:15,802 -You can't even tell I'm pregnant in it. -I know. 153 00:07:15,886 --> 00:07:18,180 I just… I mean, where… [LAUGHS] Yeah. 154 00:07:18,264 --> 00:07:20,391 Well, yes. You have a good time at the party. 155 00:07:20,475 --> 00:07:23,187 And the dress looks great. Nobody would know. 156 00:07:23,271 --> 00:07:24,605 -Same with your hair. -Thanks. 157 00:07:24,689 --> 00:07:26,900 -It looks completely natural. -Thanks. 158 00:07:33,826 --> 00:07:35,535 -Hey, Niles. -Oh. Hey, Dad. 159 00:07:35,619 --> 00:07:37,789 Hey, watch that "Dad" business, huh? 160 00:07:37,873 --> 00:07:42,170 Got a few young ladies here thinking I just might be your brother. 161 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,673 Yeah, it's like looking in a mirror. 162 00:07:45,424 --> 00:07:47,300 What's the matter? Aren't you having fun? 163 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:48,719 Oh, sort of. It's just… 164 00:07:48,803 --> 00:07:50,596 It's been so long since I've been single, 165 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:52,474 I'm finding it hard to strike up conversations. 166 00:07:52,558 --> 00:07:54,684 Oh, come on, now. It's nothing. 167 00:07:54,768 --> 00:07:57,105 You just need a little confidence. Watch this. 168 00:07:57,814 --> 00:07:59,566 -Hi there. Hi. -Hi. 169 00:07:59,650 --> 00:08:02,821 I'm Marty Crane. And this is my son, Niles. 170 00:08:02,905 --> 00:08:05,199 Yep, my son. 171 00:08:06,284 --> 00:08:08,202 Hi, Vicky Cantrell. 172 00:08:08,286 --> 00:08:09,704 -You're the host. -Yeah. 173 00:08:09,788 --> 00:08:12,208 I was admiring your beautiful Turkish rug. 174 00:08:12,917 --> 00:08:13,960 Thank you. 175 00:08:14,044 --> 00:08:15,419 Is that 18th century? 176 00:08:15,503 --> 00:08:16,922 Yes, it is. 177 00:08:17,006 --> 00:08:19,299 -You have quite an eye. -I work for an auction house. 178 00:08:19,383 --> 00:08:21,845 I would love to see some of your other pieces. 179 00:08:21,929 --> 00:08:23,429 Well, it would be my pleasure. 180 00:08:23,513 --> 00:08:27,728 There's an absurd legend about that rug, that whatever you pray for… 181 00:08:28,938 --> 00:08:31,138 Well, perhaps it's not that absurd after all. 182 00:08:32,817 --> 00:08:35,445 Roz. Roz, that woman is all over me. 183 00:08:35,529 --> 00:08:38,116 Well, of course. Didn't you get what I was trying to tell you? 184 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,659 Of course, I got it. 185 00:08:39,743 --> 00:08:42,788 I also got it when she tied a knot in a cherry stem with her tongue. 186 00:08:42,872 --> 00:08:44,540 That's a party trick. 187 00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:46,627 The cherry was in my mouth at the time. 188 00:08:49,422 --> 00:08:51,507 I tried to tell you that I met a woman tonight. 189 00:08:51,591 --> 00:08:53,970 -All right. I'll go talk to her. -Thank you. 190 00:08:55,596 --> 00:08:56,598 -Oh, Frasier. -Niles. 191 00:08:56,682 --> 00:08:58,016 I'm so glad we had this party. 192 00:08:58,100 --> 00:08:59,894 I just met the most fabulous woman. 193 00:08:59,978 --> 00:09:01,896 -Oh, that's fabulous. -Two white wines. 194 00:09:01,980 --> 00:09:03,273 I also met someone who's terrific. 195 00:09:03,357 --> 00:09:05,442 Oh, wait. I can't wait. I have to show you mine first. 196 00:09:05,526 --> 00:09:08,321 -Uh, uh, uh, she's by the buffet. -So is mine. 197 00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:11,742 Frasier, let me ask you something. 198 00:09:11,826 --> 00:09:13,118 At what point would you acknowledge 199 00:09:13,202 --> 00:09:15,002 that we're waving at the same woman? 200 00:09:17,959 --> 00:09:19,501 -I saw her first. -That's not fair. 201 00:09:19,585 --> 00:09:21,463 You're the host. You see everyone first. 202 00:09:21,547 --> 00:09:23,256 There are plenty of other women here. 203 00:09:23,340 --> 00:09:25,593 -Exactly. So go pick one. -Oh. 204 00:09:25,677 --> 00:09:26,761 Let's just stop this. 205 00:09:26,845 --> 00:09:28,764 -All right. -The civilized thing to do 206 00:09:28,848 --> 00:09:30,724 is for us to both stay away from her. 207 00:09:30,808 --> 00:09:34,271 We are psychiatrists, not rutting pigs in a barnyard. 208 00:09:35,105 --> 00:09:36,855 -What do you say to that? -Well… 209 00:09:38,276 --> 00:09:39,194 Sooey. 210 00:09:42,824 --> 00:09:45,243 -Very well. May the better man win. -Fine. 211 00:09:45,327 --> 00:09:47,663 Frasier, your father wants you. 212 00:09:47,747 --> 00:09:49,197 -Oh! Advantage Niles. -Wait. 213 00:09:51,710 --> 00:09:53,671 -What? -I want you to meet a fan of yours. 214 00:09:53,755 --> 00:09:56,048 -Oh. -Kathy Locker, my son, Dr. Frasier Crane. 215 00:09:56,132 --> 00:09:58,718 I was telling your father how much I love your show. 216 00:09:58,802 --> 00:10:01,348 -You're such a good listener. -Uh-huh. 217 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:05,060 Just yesterday, you gave the best advice 218 00:10:05,144 --> 00:10:07,437 to that woman who called in about a problem with her teenage son. 219 00:10:07,521 --> 00:10:09,399 What was it you said, exactly? 220 00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:10,692 Oh, what do I ever say? 221 00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:13,654 "You're in denial. Seek help." Whatever. Blah, blah, blah. 222 00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,909 He's different from what I expected. 223 00:10:17,993 --> 00:10:21,831 Yeah. He's not what I expected either, but you get used to it. 224 00:10:21,915 --> 00:10:24,376 So you were telling me about being a detective. 225 00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:26,546 Oh, yeah, yeah. I… 226 00:10:26,630 --> 00:10:29,717 Say, do you, uh, feel like getting a drink? 227 00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:31,468 -Yeah, that would be nice. -Okay. 228 00:10:31,552 --> 00:10:33,138 Okay. Let's go. 229 00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:34,515 [GASPS] 230 00:10:35,432 --> 00:10:37,060 [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] 231 00:10:40,147 --> 00:10:43,860 You know, this is such a prime spot here. 232 00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:46,779 Maybe one of us should stay here and the other one get the drinks. 233 00:10:46,863 --> 00:10:48,324 You're right. 234 00:10:48,908 --> 00:10:49,951 So I'll have a beer. 235 00:10:51,036 --> 00:10:51,870 Oh. 236 00:10:52,496 --> 00:10:53,330 Okay. 237 00:10:53,414 --> 00:10:54,957 [GIGGLES] 238 00:10:55,041 --> 00:10:56,751 Oh, shoot. I think I lost an earring. 239 00:10:56,835 --> 00:10:57,668 Oh. 240 00:10:57,752 --> 00:10:59,964 -Oh, there it is, by my foot. -Oh. 241 00:11:01,132 --> 00:11:02,232 [MARTIN CLEARS THROAT] 242 00:11:04,302 --> 00:11:05,304 There you go. 243 00:11:08,684 --> 00:11:10,811 Thanks. Uh, enjoy the party. 244 00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:18,945 -These egg rolls are delicious. -Oh, I, uh, made them myself. 245 00:11:19,029 --> 00:11:20,031 -Really? -Mm-hmm. 246 00:11:20,115 --> 00:11:21,783 A psychiatrist and a chef. 247 00:11:21,867 --> 00:11:23,077 -Impressive. -Yes, well… 248 00:11:23,161 --> 00:11:24,953 They both came in handy when I cured the ham. 249 00:11:25,037 --> 00:11:27,040 [BOTH CHUCKLING] 250 00:11:27,124 --> 00:11:28,041 Hello, Niles. 251 00:11:28,125 --> 00:11:31,003 -What do you want? -There's an emergency in the kitchen. 252 00:11:31,087 --> 00:11:32,296 -That's very cagey. -Well, I… 253 00:11:32,380 --> 00:11:34,091 Why don't you just run out and yell, "fire"? 254 00:11:34,175 --> 00:11:35,384 [MOUTHS] Fire! 255 00:11:35,468 --> 00:11:38,221 -Dear God. Excuse me for a moment. -Of course. 256 00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:44,605 -Is it a serious problem? -Oh, no, no, he's always run like that. 257 00:11:47,357 --> 00:11:48,193 Oh. 258 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,072 Oh, you mean, the kitchen. No, no, Niles can handle it. 259 00:11:52,156 --> 00:11:53,532 You two seem very close. 260 00:11:53,616 --> 00:11:55,744 Oh, yes. I'm his best friend. 261 00:11:56,328 --> 00:11:58,748 Well, his only friend, really. 262 00:11:59,499 --> 00:12:03,336 -That surprises me. He seems outgoing. -Doesn't he, though? 263 00:12:03,420 --> 00:12:06,007 The medication seems to be working wonders. 264 00:12:06,925 --> 00:12:09,344 I just hope he sticks with it this time. 265 00:12:10,137 --> 00:12:12,097 -Well, shall we hit the buffet? -Yeah. 266 00:12:12,181 --> 00:12:13,099 [ROZ LAUGHING] 267 00:12:13,683 --> 00:12:16,687 -What a great story. -Oh, thanks. 268 00:12:16,771 --> 00:12:18,522 -This is fun. -Yeah. 269 00:12:18,606 --> 00:12:19,982 I usually hate these kinds of parties. 270 00:12:20,066 --> 00:12:22,819 Oh, me too. People are always so superficial. 271 00:12:22,903 --> 00:12:26,115 Yeah, it seems like everybody nowadays is all about appearances. 272 00:12:26,199 --> 00:12:27,032 Mm-hmm. 273 00:12:27,116 --> 00:12:29,286 -Well, shall we get a drink? -Yeah, sure. 274 00:12:33,833 --> 00:12:36,333 -I'm not very thirsty. Okay. -Me either. See you. 275 00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:42,344 Then I top it off with brandied cherries and crème fraîche. 276 00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,054 -Frasier. -Not now, Niles. 277 00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:46,433 I'm telling Vicky my recipe for crêpe gâteau. 278 00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:48,417 She's had enough of your crêpe by now. 279 00:12:51,064 --> 00:12:53,775 I'm terribly sorry to interrupt, but Dad needs you, Frasier. 280 00:12:53,859 --> 00:12:56,028 -No, he doesn't. -I think he might. 281 00:12:57,406 --> 00:12:59,366 All right, then. If you will excuse me. 282 00:13:00,994 --> 00:13:02,495 Do you live with your father? 283 00:13:02,579 --> 00:13:06,041 Oh, no. A grown man live with his father? 284 00:13:06,125 --> 00:13:07,877 -Frasier lives with Dad. -Ah. 285 00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:09,837 -Champagne? -Oh, yes, please. 286 00:13:09,921 --> 00:13:11,715 -What is it? -You got to get me home. 287 00:13:11,799 --> 00:13:13,926 -Why? -My hair dye's melting or something. 288 00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,053 Look at this stain. 289 00:13:15,137 --> 00:13:17,890 -It must look terrible. -No. Actually, it looks terrific. 290 00:13:17,974 --> 00:13:21,728 -You sure? -Maybe the fire is making you perspire. 291 00:13:21,812 --> 00:13:22,646 Here. 292 00:13:22,730 --> 00:13:23,855 Here. 293 00:13:23,939 --> 00:13:25,900 Uh, oh, no. 294 00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:29,863 Well, actually, you look quite young and attractive. 295 00:13:29,947 --> 00:13:32,659 -Oh. -Yes. By the warmth of the fire glow, 296 00:13:32,743 --> 00:13:37,248 I'd say that you actually look like you're back in your "Marty party" days. 297 00:13:37,332 --> 00:13:39,209 -You're not BS-ing me? -No, no. 298 00:13:39,293 --> 00:13:41,128 -Okay, then, I'll stay. -Great. 299 00:13:42,839 --> 00:13:46,260 -Vicky, hello. Where's Niles? -Oh, he had to take a call. 300 00:13:46,344 --> 00:13:49,012 Oh, well, that's terrific. 301 00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:49,973 Uh… 302 00:13:50,057 --> 00:13:52,934 Would you be interested in finding someplace where we could talk, 303 00:13:53,018 --> 00:13:54,603 just the two of us, no interruptions? 304 00:13:54,687 --> 00:13:56,564 -Frasier. -Hmm? Not now, Roz. 305 00:13:56,648 --> 00:13:58,108 -Come here. -Can't you see I'm busy? 306 00:13:58,192 --> 00:14:00,069 No. My water just broke. 307 00:14:00,612 --> 00:14:03,281 Well… Maybe you sat in something. 308 00:14:04,659 --> 00:14:07,788 NILES: Oh, my God! What's all over my Turkish prayer rug? 309 00:14:09,581 --> 00:14:11,834 -You've got to get me to a hospital. -Yes, I'm sorry. Of course. 310 00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:12,751 Oh, Vicky, Vicky. 311 00:14:12,835 --> 00:14:16,381 Uh, if you'll excuse us, my friend Roz just went into labor. 312 00:14:16,465 --> 00:14:18,174 -Oh, how exciting. Good luck. -ROZ: Thanks. 313 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,927 Wait, wait, wait, wait, just one second. 314 00:14:20,011 --> 00:14:22,389 I know this may not be the most appropriate moment, 315 00:14:22,473 --> 00:14:25,100 but I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me sometime. 316 00:14:25,184 --> 00:14:27,729 That's sweet of you, but I'm not really interested. 317 00:14:27,813 --> 00:14:30,608 Oh, well, thank you for your honesty. 318 00:14:30,692 --> 00:14:33,570 My God! What is wrong with me? 319 00:14:33,654 --> 00:14:35,739 Why can't I find a woman who's interested in me? 320 00:14:35,823 --> 00:14:37,700 Those are two different questions, 321 00:14:37,784 --> 00:14:40,454 so we should sit down and talk them both over. 322 00:14:40,538 --> 00:14:43,625 Oh, wait, I can't, because I'm in labor! 323 00:14:52,010 --> 00:14:53,511 -How did we do? -Better. 324 00:14:53,595 --> 00:14:55,765 This time, it's hot, and it's got cream. 325 00:14:55,849 --> 00:14:57,599 Of course, it's still chicken soup. 326 00:14:59,186 --> 00:15:02,732 Well, who needs coffee when we can keep alert 327 00:15:02,816 --> 00:15:05,903 by perusing these very up-to-date magazines? 328 00:15:05,987 --> 00:15:06,862 Oh. 329 00:15:06,946 --> 00:15:07,988 Oh, look, Dad. 330 00:15:08,072 --> 00:15:10,472 -That cute Tricia Nixon's getting married. -Ah. 331 00:15:12,202 --> 00:15:13,704 Oh, excuse me. 332 00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:15,665 Uh, may we get an update on Roz Doyle? 333 00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:19,587 Sure. Uh, she is still in early labor. Hang in there. 334 00:15:19,671 --> 00:15:20,755 Thank you. 335 00:15:20,839 --> 00:15:23,176 She's pretty. I should make a play for her. 336 00:15:23,801 --> 00:15:26,512 Considering how young and attractive I am tonight. 337 00:15:27,890 --> 00:15:30,226 I said I was sorry. 338 00:15:31,144 --> 00:15:33,270 Not half as sorry as when I ran over that speed bump, 339 00:15:33,354 --> 00:15:35,854 and you left a head print on the ceiling of my BMW. 340 00:15:36,901 --> 00:15:38,069 Ah. Hello. 341 00:15:38,153 --> 00:15:39,862 -Hi. -Well, Niles. 342 00:15:39,946 --> 00:15:41,198 Didn't expect to see you here. 343 00:15:41,282 --> 00:15:43,575 Uh, well, the doorman found Roz's purse in the lobby. 344 00:15:43,659 --> 00:15:44,911 I thought she might need it. 345 00:15:44,995 --> 00:15:46,913 I suppose you also came to gloat. 346 00:15:46,997 --> 00:15:48,750 You got Vicky. I didn't. 347 00:15:49,292 --> 00:15:52,671 Neither of us got Vicky. She went home with the bartender. 348 00:15:53,589 --> 00:15:54,423 Really? 349 00:15:55,467 --> 00:15:59,263 Well, you know what I say? Her loss. 350 00:15:59,347 --> 00:16:01,974 Absolutely right. Her loss. 351 00:16:03,143 --> 00:16:05,437 Has saying that ever made you feel any better? 352 00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:08,149 Not a whit. 353 00:16:09,192 --> 00:16:11,027 It's been a hell of a night for us. 354 00:16:11,111 --> 00:16:14,615 It certainly was for me. I lost Vicky. My rug is ruined. 355 00:16:14,699 --> 00:16:17,745 Someone left weird brown stains on my wing chair. 356 00:16:21,959 --> 00:16:23,501 -Hello. -Hi. 357 00:16:23,585 --> 00:16:25,796 I came down as soon as I heard. 358 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,008 What the hell happened to your hair? 359 00:16:28,801 --> 00:16:31,596 I colored it just like you told me to. 360 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,139 Yeah, but this isn't cinnamon sable. 361 00:16:33,223 --> 00:16:36,268 I couldn't use that. It had a woman's picture on the box. 362 00:16:36,352 --> 00:16:39,522 I used some stuff called Color in a Can instead. 363 00:16:39,606 --> 00:16:42,276 It said, "As seen on TV. Just spray on and go." 364 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:44,403 How did I know it was a lousy product? 365 00:16:44,487 --> 00:16:46,282 If only there had been some clue. 366 00:16:48,701 --> 00:16:52,121 Don't you start on me. You left me melting by that fire. 367 00:16:52,205 --> 00:16:55,835 Wait a minute. You're the one who left stains on my wing chair. 368 00:16:56,628 --> 00:16:59,047 I was wondering when you'd crack that, Miss Marple. 369 00:16:59,131 --> 00:17:00,841 Oh, don't start with me. 370 00:17:00,925 --> 00:17:02,384 [ARGUING INDISTINCTLY] 371 00:17:02,468 --> 00:17:03,596 Stop it! 372 00:17:04,179 --> 00:17:06,056 What is wrong with the three of you? 373 00:17:06,140 --> 00:17:07,990 Our friend is having a baby in there. 374 00:17:08,602 --> 00:17:10,646 I'm sorry. We've had dreadful evenings, 375 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,940 but you're absolutely right. We should be thinking about Roz. 376 00:17:13,024 --> 00:17:14,318 Exactly. 377 00:17:15,110 --> 00:17:19,448 Besides, nobody could have had as horrendous an evening as I did. 378 00:17:19,532 --> 00:17:22,202 I got stood up at a bat mitzvah. 379 00:17:22,286 --> 00:17:24,120 I waited there an hour. 380 00:17:24,204 --> 00:17:26,833 He left a lame excuse on the machine, 381 00:17:26,917 --> 00:17:30,017 but if he thinks he's got another chance with me, he's meshuga. 382 00:17:36,304 --> 00:17:38,848 Oh, boo-hoo, anyway. 383 00:17:38,932 --> 00:17:40,433 At least you had a date tonight. 384 00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:43,604 -At least your apartment wasn't decimated. -Oh, so what? 385 00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,982 I went to a party tonight with shoe polish on my hair. 386 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:48,110 Yes, and you managed to get it on my chair! 387 00:17:48,194 --> 00:17:49,736 [ARGUING INDISTINCTLY] 388 00:17:49,820 --> 00:17:51,114 Shh! 389 00:17:51,198 --> 00:17:52,907 -[PANTING] -Breathe. You're doing great. 390 00:17:52,991 --> 00:17:55,286 -Roz, it's all right. -We're here for you. 391 00:17:55,370 --> 00:17:56,787 MARTIN: Good luck. 392 00:17:56,871 --> 00:17:58,666 We love you. [CHUCKLES] 393 00:17:59,833 --> 00:18:01,836 [ARGUING CONTINUES] 394 00:18:05,383 --> 00:18:08,053 -She's very tired, so make it quick. -Okay. 395 00:18:09,513 --> 00:18:12,308 Roz, congratulations. 396 00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:14,935 Oh, look at her. 397 00:18:15,019 --> 00:18:17,063 NILES: Oh, she is beautiful. 398 00:18:17,147 --> 00:18:18,524 Mazel tov. 399 00:18:20,860 --> 00:18:21,987 It's a long story. 400 00:18:22,655 --> 00:18:25,783 -So, what's her name? -Alice. 401 00:18:25,867 --> 00:18:29,580 Alice May Doyle. My daughter. 402 00:18:29,664 --> 00:18:32,666 My God, that's the first time I ever said that. 403 00:18:32,750 --> 00:18:35,003 -Well, you look great. -Mm-hmm. 404 00:18:35,087 --> 00:18:36,087 How do you feel? 405 00:18:36,171 --> 00:18:38,966 -Oh, fine. I'm just a little tired. -FRASIER: Mm-hmm. 406 00:18:39,050 --> 00:18:40,677 -Maybe we should go. -FRASIER: Right. 407 00:18:40,761 --> 00:18:42,220 I'll drop by and see you tomorrow. 408 00:18:42,304 --> 00:18:46,225 -Okay. -I would love to hold her for a second. 409 00:18:46,309 --> 00:18:50,189 Maybe we should just wait until you're not dripping toxins. 410 00:18:50,273 --> 00:18:51,108 Oh. 411 00:18:52,026 --> 00:18:53,401 -FRASIER: Aw. -MARTIN: Okay. 412 00:18:53,485 --> 00:18:55,363 We'll see you, then. Okay. 413 00:18:55,447 --> 00:18:56,781 -Bye. -Congratulations. 414 00:18:56,865 --> 00:18:58,200 I'll be along in a second. 415 00:19:00,828 --> 00:19:03,039 Roz, congratulations again. 416 00:19:03,123 --> 00:19:05,293 -[CHUCKLES] -I'm so proud of you. 417 00:19:06,544 --> 00:19:08,337 Your little girl is just perfect. 418 00:19:09,006 --> 00:19:10,674 -She is, isn't she? -Mm-hmm. 419 00:19:13,428 --> 00:19:15,262 My God, look at your face. 420 00:19:15,346 --> 00:19:18,058 Oh, yeah. I must look real lovely. 421 00:19:18,142 --> 00:19:21,354 Yes, that's exactly how you look. Lovely. 422 00:19:22,355 --> 00:19:27,237 I don't think I've ever seen a face more purely happy than right now. 423 00:19:29,114 --> 00:19:34,330 Little Alice, how I wish you could wake up right now 424 00:19:35,289 --> 00:19:37,416 and see how beautiful your mother looks. 425 00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:38,919 [SNORES] 426 00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:44,217 Then, again, you need your rest. 427 00:19:48,222 --> 00:19:49,641 You did great, honey. 428 00:19:54,772 --> 00:19:55,774 Sleep well. 429 00:19:57,275 --> 00:19:58,693 Oh. Well, hello. 430 00:19:58,777 --> 00:19:59,987 Hi. 431 00:20:01,864 --> 00:20:04,464 This may be an odd time to ask you this, but I was… 432 00:20:05,619 --> 00:20:07,997 I was convinced that we sort of 433 00:20:08,081 --> 00:20:10,584 made some eye contact in the waiting room, 434 00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:12,919 and, uh, I was wondering if I could get your number. 435 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:15,966 -But what about your… -Forget about her. She's asleep. 436 00:20:16,968 --> 00:20:19,637 What kind of monster are you? 437 00:20:24,811 --> 00:20:25,687 Her loss. 438 00:20:30,484 --> 00:20:33,112 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 439 00:20:33,196 --> 00:20:35,850 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 440 00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:38,243 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 441 00:20:38,327 --> 00:20:39,705 Quite stylish. 442 00:20:40,205 --> 00:20:42,833 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 443 00:20:42,917 --> 00:20:45,127 ♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 444 00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:47,255 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 445 00:20:47,339 --> 00:20:48,882 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 446 00:20:48,966 --> 00:20:52,470 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 447 00:20:54,140 --> 00:20:55,641 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 448 00:20:57,019 --> 00:20:59,854 Scrambled eggs all over my face. 449 00:20:59,938 --> 00:21:01,399 What is a boy to do? 450 00:21:03,944 --> 00:21:04,862 Good night!