[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
Hello, Niles.
Oh, Frasier, listen to this.
"Michael Hawkins of Allentown, Pennsylvania,
has agreed to donate his right lung to his younger brother, Clovis."
Says Hawkins, "I got two lungs, but I only got one brother."
-Isn't that something? -It certainly is.
The love one brother feels for the other.
What do you want?
I need you to come to a dog show with me.
I would rather give you a lung.
Latte, please.
Frasier, I beg you.
It's at the Seattle Kennel Club tomorrow night, and I can't go alone.
-Maris will be there. -And in what class will Maris be showing?
-She'll be showing no class. -Well…
As she has ever since she hooked up with that reptile Dr. Schenkman.
This will be my first time seeing them since we filed for divorce.
Here's an idea.
-Don't go. -I've never missed the Kennel Club show.
If I don't go, people will think I've let Maris and Schenkman intimidate me.
I want to prove that I'm strong and independent.
I can't do that alone.
FRASIER: Well…
All right, Niles.
If it's moral support you need, I'll go with you.
-I'll pick you up around 8:00. -All right.
I have a patient. Thank you. Thank you.
I knew I could count on you for this.
It's nice to know some things never change.
Do you guys know where I can get a cheap hotel room?
Case in point. Goodbye, Roz.
Why do you need a hotel room?
I was supposed to move into my new place today,
but they're still painting it.
I can't be around those fumes.
And they've already rented my old apartment.
Grande decaf latte, please. I am literally on the streets.
You just ordered a $4 cup of coffee.
"On the street" may be a tad dramatic.
Well, I gotta start calling around, see if I can find something.
Hmm. You know, Roz, if you're stuck,
my dad is going to San Francisco for the weekend.
-You could always stay with me. -Wow.
That would sure make things easier. Okay.
Well, then, that's settled. That's that, then.
Oh. Oh, you were just being polite.
-Didn't expect me to take you up on it? -Not at all.
I wouldn't have offered if it wasn't something I wanted.
-You should know that. -All right.
-Well. -Here you go. And there's your check.
-I'll get that. Okay, thanks. -No, let me get that.
Well, then. Lucky me. I'm getting everything I want today.
Well, it's about time.
-Calm down, Dad. -I was starting to get worried.
-We've got plenty of time. -My plane leaves at 5:00.
-I stopped to pick up your medicine. -I don't need it.
Well, pack it anyway!
What's this?
Earrings?
Oh, just a little something I picked up for Daphne at the drugstore.
She ran errands for me last weekend.
Nice. What are they, sapphires?
Yes, Dad. I always buy precious stones at the same counter
where I pick up corn pads and Wart-Be-Gone.
-Shouldn't you two be going? -Oh, we're just on our way.
There's a little something I wanted to give you.
A little token of my appreciation.
Oh, Dr. Crane. You remembered.
Well, of course I did.
Can you believe it was five years ago today that I came to work here?
I knew you wouldn't let an important occasion go unnoticed.
But I wasn't expecting a gift.
Well, it's a small gift. A tiny gift.
Oh, my God. Sapphires.
Actually, Daphne…
Oh, Dr. Crane, these must have cost a fortune.
My friend Molly got a diamond bracelet from her boss,
but she worked for him for ten years, and she was sleeping with him.
And now… I've got sapphires, and I didn't even have to sleep with you.
Although now I've got the sapphires… Oh, what am I saying?
I'm giddy. Is it rude if I go try these on?
I don't care. I have to see what they look like.
I've never had real jewelry, never. I'm speechless.
Dear God, she believes they're genuine sapphires.
Gee, you think?
I'll have to tell her the truth.
Why? Didn't you see how happy she was? Let her enjoy them.
I can't let her think I gave her something I didn't.
Honesty is far more previous than any gem.
I'm sure Daphne feels the same way.
I feel like a princess.
I'm never going to take them off. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Oh, Daphne, you know, I'm glad you like them.
You even remembered that sapphires are my birthstone.
Is there no end to your thoughtfulness?
Somebody has to keep track of these things.
I really should be getting to the airport.
All right, Dad, I'll get my keys.
No, no, absolutely not. I'll drive Mr. Crane.
From now on, you're not lifting a finger around here.
You ring for elevator, I'll grab me coat.
All right, but don't dawdle. My flight's at 5:00.
They told me to get there an hour early.
-Did you pack your medicine? -Yes, but I told you, I don't need it.
-Hey, guys. -FRASIER: Roz.
Hi, Roz. Frasier, help her with that.
Thanks. And thanks for letting me use your room.
No problem.
You're off to San Francisco?
Yeah, yeah.
Duke and I took our shore leave there in '52.
-Going back to retrace our steps. -Sounds like fun.
Yeah, yeah, we had a great time that weekend.
Back then there was no place like Frisco
for a single guy cruising the streets looking for a good time.
You know, Dad, I think you'll find that Frisco hasn't changed all that much.
MARTIN: Well, I hope not. [LAUGHS]
Bye.
-MARTIN: Bye. -Hey, Roz.
Off to the airport. Back in a bit. See you later.
-Come on in, Roz. -Thank you.
Actually, you're here a bit earlier than I expected.
I had to get out of my apartment sooner than I thought.
I left you a message.
Oh, frankly, I didn't check my machine all day today.
Listen, thank you so much for this.
I won't be an imposition, I promise. You won't even know I'm here.
AUTOMATED VOICE: You have 13 messages.
I had my calls forwarded. I hope you don't mind.
[MACHINE BEEPS]
[ON MACHINE] Roz, it's Marco. I'm coming to town this weekend.
Are you busy Saturday night, late? Call me.
Obviously Marco and I haven't talked for a long time.
Something tells me you never talked for a long time.
-[MACHINE BEEPS] -Roz? This is Paula Garrett, Rick's mom.
We just found out about the baby, and, well,
we think it's important we meet you.
We're leaving to see Rick in Paris day after tomorrow,
so any time before then would be fine.
I'm running out now.
Maybe I'll try you later.
Oh, my God.
-Well, just calm down. -What do they want?
Maybe they wanna meet you. They are the grandparents of your child.
-I worked all this out with Rick. -Yes…
He's 20, he's still in college,
and it's best for everybody if I raise this baby by myself.
I know that, but…
Now I'm supposed to put up with in-laws, and I don't even have a husband?
That's like posing nude for your art teacher and still flunking the course.
Shut up. I needed the credits.
Roz, listen, all they want is a short meeting.
Yeah, that's what they say now. What if they want another?
What if they won't leave me alone?
What if they don't think I'm a fit mother?
What if they turn out to be supportive people you're glad to have in your life?
I just don't wanna do this, Frasier.
It's not comfortable.
Oh, Roz. You know what?
I could go with you, if you like.
I mean… Oh, better yet, we could have them here tomorrow night.
Niles and I have that dog show around 8.
-They could come before that. -I don't know.
[PHONE RINGS]
-I'll bet that's Mrs. Garrett. -I'm not here.
Hello?
Yes, she is.
Yes, she did get your message.
No, no, I'm afraid she won't be able to meet you.
Yes, I understand you're upset.
I'm terribly sorry.
Goodbye.
Thank you, Frasier. Thank you.
That was Marco. Now we're calling Mrs. Garrett.
ROZ: All right, give it to me straight. How do I look?
Like Pollyanna grew up and got herself in a little trouble.
Why am I doing this? How did I let you talk me into this?
It will mean a lot to them.
Besides, it's a chance to learn about your baby's lineage.
A lot of things are inherited, like intelligence, artistic ability…
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, God, that's them.
-I gotta check my makeup. -There's no need to panic.
This should be fun.
It's like a preview of who your child might be.
-Yeah. -Well…
Hi there. Steve Garrett.
My wife's just…
-Honey? -PAULA: Oh, it was nice seeing you too.
Oh, what a coincidence. Your neighbor goes to my hair salon.
Hi, I'm Paula.
Frasier Crane. Won't you please come in?
Roz will be out in a second. She just went to powder her… self.
Uh, we hope this isn't too awkward for her.
She sounded a little anxious on the phone.
Who could blame her?
She doesn't know what kind of people we are.
A situation like this is enough to make anyone nervous.
Well, actually, Roz really isn't the nervous type.
Roz, this is Steve and Paula Garrett.
-Hi. Uh… -Hi.
Oh, that's all right, Roz. We don't blame you for being shocked.
We're used to it. You should see the looks we get.
You were taken aback yourself, weren't you?
Oh. Certainly not.
Oh, come on, it's all right. Everyone comments on it.
All right, I must admit, when I opened the door, I…
Couldn't believe we were old enough to have a 20-year-old son.
Exactly.
You know, you both look so young, don't they, Roz?
Yes, young. Very, very young.
Oh, Roz, I can see you're a little uncomfortable.
Let us say up front
that we have no intention of intruding on your life.
STEVE: Rick told us what a wonderful person you are.
We just wanted to meet you
and offer any help or support that you think is appropriate.
Thanks. That's very nice.
I thought your guests might be a little peckish.
Oh, Daphne Moon, Steve and Paula Garrett.
Hello, I…
I…
I know, it's amazing, isn't it?
They are actually the parents of a 20-year-old.
Amazing.
-Yes. Oh, excuse me. -[DOORBELL RINGS]
-Oh, Niles, you're an hour early. -Oh, hey, Roz.
I thought you might wanna eat before the dog show.
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you had…
Had… Had… Had…
Company. Yes, yes.
Steve, Paula Garrett, my brother, Niles Crane.
The Garretts are the grandparents-to-be of Roz's baby.
Oh, well, nice to meet you. Hey, Daphne.
Did I hear you mention you were going to a dog show?
Yes, the Seattle Kennel Club is having its annual event.
Steve and I went a few years ago.
We just love dogs. We have two giant schnauzers.
-STEVE: My goodness, look at the view. -PAULA: Oh.
Roz, why don't you show the Garretts the view?
Yes, that would be nice. I could use a breath of fresh air.
[NILES, DAPHNE SNICKERING]
Just stop it, the two of you.
My God, you're acting like a couple of two-year-olds.
[DOOR OPENS]
-I'm home. -FRASIER: Dad!
-What are you doing here? -Oh, Frisco was a bust.
All our watering holes are gone.
The steak house was a sushi bar.
And then this morning Duke and I went out for a walk.
We passed city hall, and there's this big crowd,
like a pep rally or something.
So we joined them.
Well, some official guy up front says something we didn't hear.
Next thing you know, everybody's throwing rice
and all the men are kissing each other, and all the women are kissing each other,
and I'm not sure, but I think Duke and I may be married.
Well, the whole weekend was like that.
Just one surprising event…
[YELLS]
I'm sorry. Did we startle you?
Oh, no, not at… I… No, I… I didn't know we had company.
Dad, this is Steve and Paula Garrett.
-They're Rick's parents. -Oh, gee, hi, how are you?
Nice to meet you. Marty Crane.
Oh, they're just on their way to Paris to visit Rick.
-Oh, yeah, well, that sounds like fun. -STEVE: Yeah.
I'm just a little nervous.
I hear the Parisians can be kind of snooty.
Excuse me. I've got something in the oven.
Let me help you.
Yeah, uh, me too.
We've got to stop. They'll hear us.
STEVE: Mm, what's that I smell?
Probably Japan.
What is the matter with you people?
Come on, don't tell us you don't think this is funny.
Not in the slightest. These are two nice people
who happen to have large noses.
The three of you standing in here sniggering like children.
Well, fine, if you can't get yourself under control,
you can just stay in here.
Quiche Lorraine, anyone?
-Quiche her? I hardly know her. -Oh, Steve.
Oh, boy, that smells wonderful.
-Yes. -Does it ever.
Do you mind if I ask, is this homemade or store-bought?
Honey, don't ask that.
Pardon my wife. Sometimes she gets a little nosy.
Me nosy? You're the nosy one in the family.
Anyone who knows you knows you're nosy.
Anyone who knows you knows you're nosier.
Something wrong, Fras?
[FRASIER GUFFAWING]
"Quiche her? I hardly know her."
I just got that.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[BOTTLES CLINK]
You know, Roz, in spite of a shaky beginning,
I think this evening's turned out rather well.
-Oh, yeah. -Mm-hm.
And you were absolutely right, Frasier.
Now I can see some of the qualities my baby can have.
A great sense of humor and a sweet disposition,
a nose like an anteater.
I think you're making a big deal out of nothing.
As I remember, Rick had a perfectly fine nose.
And so do you. I'm sure your baby's gonna have one too.
Maybe you're right.
If Rick can beat those genes, my baby has a chance.
So how long have you been working for Dr. Crane?
Five years just yesterday.
In fact, he gave me the most beautiful sapphire earrings
to mark the occasion.
Frasier gave you sapphires?
Who's for coffee?
I'll take some.
You must show those earrings to my husband.
-He's a jeweler, you know. -Really?
Yeah. He could probably even tell you what mine the stones came from.
Well, you know, maybe coffee's a bad idea.
You've got that early flight.
Could you take this back in the kitchen for me?
Oh, dear. One of me earrings is gone.
-It must have fallen off somewhere. -We'll help you find it.
-What does the earring look like? -No, that's not necessary.
Once you've seen one sapphire, you've seen them all.
Well, that's not exactly true. They vary widely in quality.
Why don't you just get up and…
All right, we have to, uh, get going, you know.
We have plenty of people here to form a search party.
We'll just trample each other.
Well, good night.
All right, we do have a big day tomorrow.
Uh-huh. You might as well get a little sleep before you take off.
You know, if you can't find that earring, I might be able to replace it.
-Let me see the other one. -DAPHNE: All right.
Oh, I found it! Here it is! I knew I would. Bon voyage.
Oh, Dr. Crane…
No, no, Daphne, just a second.
All right, well, it was wonderful of you to come.
Thank you for having us.
Roz, it was great meeting you.
Our door is always open.
You guys have a great trip.
-Good night. -DAPHNE: Good night.
FRASIER: Good night.
-Can I have it, then? -FRASIER: Of course…
I'm sorry, it was just a piece of lint.
Well, the search continues.
DAPHNE: This is just terrible.
The one precious thing anyone's ever bought me in my whole stinking life,
and I lose it.
-Daphne, I found it. -Oh, Dr. Crane, I could kiss you.
Okay.
-What's this? -Nothing.
The setting's come loose.
It's only blue on top. The bottom's all coppery.
Dr. Crane?
I know what you're thinking, Daphne, and you're right.
-Obviously, I… -You've been swindled.
Where did you buy these?
I want to take these back
and tell that lying cheat exactly what I think of him.
Actually, you just did.
You knew?
Um, Niles, how about a cup of coffee?
-Thanks, Roz. Cream and sugar. -ROZ: Ugh.
I'm terribly sorry, Daphne.
I actually meant to tell you eventually.
You didn't to. Her earlobe's already turning green.
Shut up, Niles.
You see, Daphne, the truth is, I didn't remember your anniversary.
And, well, I saw them and I thought they were pretty.
So I bought them for you, and you thought they were genuine.
You seemed so happy, I…
They are pretty.
I suppose I can have them repaired.
I'll just take them back to the jewelry store.
Actually, I bought them at Raymond's.
Raymond's Drugstore?
The good news is they'll carry something for that infection.
Shut up!
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
It's us again. Yeah, I almost forgot.
Roz, I brought you something.
I thought you might get a kick out of these.
Here's some pictures of Ricky when he was a boy.
Oh, thank you. That is so nice of you.
-Where is he? I don't see him. -There, in the middle.
Oh.
He looks so different.
Oh, right.
That was before his hockey accident.
The nose job changed his whole face.
Not that the doctor didn't do a good job,
but that's the Ricky you'll see in the baby.
Yeah.
Well, thanks.
-Oh, you're welcome. And bye again. -Thank you.
-Take care. -STEVE: Thanks.
Good to see you.
Oh, my God!
-Oh, come on, Roz. It can't be that bad. -No, no way.
-No, I'll never hear the end of it. -Let me see, please. Please.
Where is the end of it?
Oh, Roz, you're not still looking at that picture, are you?
No, this is a different one.
Oh, dear, look at the way the ears on this poor little girl stick out.
It's me.
Age 9.
The year before I got them fixed.
Well, sorry, Roz.
I didn't recognize you with those glasses.
Why is one side blacked out?
I had a lazy eye.
I got that fixed the next year.
Let's just say for birthdays, I wasn't asking for ponies.
Oh, you poor thing.
I was just sitting here thinking what if my kid gets Rick's nose
and my ears and eyes? Throw in my grandfather's third nipple,
I might as well pitch a tent and charge admission.
Oh, come on.
Nothing like that's gonna happen.
I just hate the idea of my kid being teased.
I know what that's like.
As long as my baby's in here, I can protect it from anything.
But pretty soon this kid's gonna be out there on his own.
Every child goes through a bit of teasing.
I mean, it's part of growing up.
At least yours will be lucky enough to have a mother who understands.
And you'll know just what to say to make it all better.
I really hadn't thought of it that way.
Well, I'm pretty good at finding the positive in things.
I mean, look at what happened to me tonight.
I could say, "Here I've worked for someone for five years,
"and he forgot my anniversary"
and bought me a worthless piece of blue glass."
But I'd rather say, "He gave me a nice pair of earrings
just because he thought I'd like them."
Which is rather sweet, when you think about it.
Yeah, well, Frasier will be relieved to hear that.
I'm not gonna tell him.
Well, I'm ready for bed.
Yeah, me too.
-Thanks again, Daphne. -You're welcome.
Ooh. I just felt a big kick.
-You sure it wasn't a sneeze? -Ha-ha-ha.
DAPHNE: [LAUGHS] It's the last one. I promise.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪
♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
Mercy.
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused
Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ They're callin' again ♪
Good night, Seattle! We love you!