1 00:00:02,164 --> 00:00:04,167 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:09,381 --> 00:00:14,553 Well, well, look who's here. It's KACL's Frasier Crane. 3 00:00:14,637 --> 00:00:15,972 And Rosemary's Bebe. 4 00:00:18,266 --> 00:00:21,311 So, quite a little shakeup going on down at the station. 5 00:00:21,395 --> 00:00:23,813 I hear the new owner wants to renegotiate everyone's contract. 6 00:00:23,897 --> 00:00:27,151 And, before you drop another flimsy hint, know that my feelings for you 7 00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:28,861 -haven't changed. -Fine. 8 00:00:28,945 --> 00:00:31,489 Actually, I'm here to meet one of my newer clients, 9 00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:34,451 -a rising star of the Seattle airwaves. -Oh, really? 10 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,870 What pathetic dupe have you lured into your web now? 11 00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:37,913 Roz. 12 00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:40,916 Oh, dear God. 13 00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:44,170 You just get off your feet, little mother. 14 00:00:44,254 --> 00:00:47,257 I'll fetch you a nice nourishing muffin. 15 00:00:52,597 --> 00:00:54,265 You signed with Bebe? 16 00:00:54,349 --> 00:00:56,141 Okay, I know, I should have told you. 17 00:00:56,225 --> 00:00:58,395 I just wasn't in the mood for one of your lectures. 18 00:00:58,479 --> 00:01:00,146 I'm not gonna give you a lecture. 19 00:01:00,230 --> 00:01:02,816 You're entitled to choose whoever you wish to represent you. 20 00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:04,484 Someone who's honest, or a woman 21 00:01:04,568 --> 00:01:07,668 whose ethics would've raised eyebrows in the court of Caligula. 22 00:01:08,490 --> 00:01:10,908 Look, she's got me three voice-over jobs. 23 00:01:10,992 --> 00:01:14,246 Now she may be a little shifty, but she helps me put food on the table. 24 00:01:14,330 --> 00:01:16,082 -One muffin. -See? 25 00:01:17,166 --> 00:01:19,001 So, Roz, I had a brainstorm last night 26 00:01:19,085 --> 00:01:21,212 about how to turn this little bundle of joy 27 00:01:21,296 --> 00:01:23,506 into a big bundle of cash. 28 00:01:23,590 --> 00:01:25,300 I'm gonna use my baby to make money? 29 00:01:25,384 --> 00:01:28,334 Yes, it's high time the slacker started pulling his weight.. 30 00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:32,057 You know Dr. Clint Webber's medical show? 31 00:01:32,141 --> 00:01:34,893 Well, I see a daily segment called 32 00:01:34,977 --> 00:01:40,150 "A Pregnant Pause: Roz Doyle's Term of Endearment." 33 00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:43,904 All of Seattle will share in the miracle happening inside you, 34 00:01:43,988 --> 00:01:47,909 your joys, hopes, morning sickness, sonograms, even the birth. 35 00:01:48,410 --> 00:01:49,702 I'll give birth on the air? 36 00:01:49,786 --> 00:01:51,913 It's radio. Just make the noises. 37 00:01:51,997 --> 00:01:54,375 Hell, I'll make them myself. 38 00:01:56,544 --> 00:01:59,381 -Need anything else here? -Just a shower, thank you. 39 00:02:00,590 --> 00:02:03,509 You know, Mr. Integrity, word on the street 40 00:02:03,593 --> 00:02:06,472 is you still haven't hired anyone to negotiate this big deal for you. 41 00:02:06,556 --> 00:02:10,142 Could it be because in your heart, you know you want to come back to me? 42 00:02:10,226 --> 00:02:13,020 Yes, because I'm determined to make the right choice. 43 00:02:13,104 --> 00:02:14,481 You need somebody good. 44 00:02:14,565 --> 00:02:17,108 That's exactly what I intend to find, someone good. 45 00:02:17,192 --> 00:02:19,486 I'm gonna prove to you it's possible to find an agent 46 00:02:19,570 --> 00:02:21,781 who can drive a hard bargain and yet maintain 47 00:02:21,865 --> 00:02:23,449 the highest ethical standards. 48 00:02:23,533 --> 00:02:24,826 Happy hunting. 49 00:02:26,453 --> 00:02:28,954 If things don't work out, you know my number. 50 00:02:29,038 --> 00:02:30,291 Still 666, is it? 51 00:02:34,962 --> 00:02:36,380 -Oh, hey, Niles. -Hello, Dad. 52 00:02:36,464 --> 00:02:39,801 We had a little mix-up last night with our bags at the video store. 53 00:02:39,885 --> 00:02:40,885 Believe me, I noticed. 54 00:02:40,969 --> 00:02:43,763 Yes, there you go. At first I was dismayed. 55 00:02:43,847 --> 00:02:44,765 I popped in the tape, 56 00:02:44,849 --> 00:02:47,184 and there was Charles Bronson blowing away street trash. 57 00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:50,521 But I actually got into it. 58 00:02:50,605 --> 00:02:51,730 -It was quite suspenseful. -Hmm. 59 00:02:51,814 --> 00:02:54,964 Well, that's the way Duke and I felt about My Dinner With Andre. 60 00:02:56,945 --> 00:02:58,405 Talk about suspense. 61 00:02:59,031 --> 00:03:02,368 "Will they order dessert?" "Will they leave a good tip?" 62 00:03:04,537 --> 00:03:06,247 -Oh, hello, Niles. -NILES: Oh, uh… 63 00:03:06,331 --> 00:03:08,208 Frasier, I'm sorry to trouble you about this, 64 00:03:08,292 --> 00:03:10,419 but, uh, could you recommend another couples therapist? 65 00:03:10,503 --> 00:03:11,629 Good Lord, not again. 66 00:03:12,254 --> 00:03:14,005 What happened to Dr. Prescott? 67 00:03:14,089 --> 00:03:16,092 Please, Maris had me can Dr. Prescott weeks ago. 68 00:03:16,176 --> 00:03:19,011 -Now she wants me to fire Dr. Wilfong. -What's her problem with him? 69 00:03:19,095 --> 00:03:21,389 She says his criticism of her is too harsh. 70 00:03:21,473 --> 00:03:24,685 Well, some therapists can be rather blunt and hard-hitting. 71 00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:26,687 -What did he say? -He asked her to refrain 72 00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:28,898 from catalog shopping during our sessions. 73 00:03:30,859 --> 00:03:31,693 You know, Niles, 74 00:03:31,777 --> 00:03:34,028 if you fire every therapist that finds fault with her, 75 00:03:34,112 --> 00:03:37,512 -you're never going to make any progress. -You're right, of course. 76 00:03:37,825 --> 00:03:39,910 I'll just tell her we're not gonna change therapists. 77 00:03:39,994 --> 00:03:41,036 -That's that. -FRASIER: Good. 78 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:45,070 You know, sometimes there's nothing more rewarding than sticking to a principle. 79 00:03:45,208 --> 00:03:47,252 Case in point, you know, my contract's coming up, 80 00:03:47,336 --> 00:03:51,214 and, well, Bebe Glazer's been angling to negotiate my new one. 81 00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:54,969 Anyway, I could have done the easy thing, said yes, taken the money and run. 82 00:03:55,053 --> 00:03:59,140 But, instead, I said no and I found myself a new agent, 83 00:03:59,224 --> 00:04:02,227 one who's every bit as smart and also ethical. 84 00:04:02,311 --> 00:04:04,021 -[DOORBELL RINGS] -That's him now. 85 00:04:04,105 --> 00:04:06,148 I don't know what kind of bull that guy sold you, 86 00:04:06,232 --> 00:04:08,525 but there's no such thing as an ethical agent. 87 00:04:08,609 --> 00:04:10,946 One's just as slimy as the other. 88 00:04:11,905 --> 00:04:13,698 -Hello, Ben. -Hi. Sorry I'm late. 89 00:04:13,782 --> 00:04:16,243 I was making my last Meals on Wheels delivery, 90 00:04:16,327 --> 00:04:18,371 and I swerved to avoid a pigeon. 91 00:04:20,164 --> 00:04:23,710 Then splat went the food all over the stuffed bears for the toy drive. 92 00:04:24,211 --> 00:04:26,838 I had to run home, throw the bears in the wash 93 00:04:26,922 --> 00:04:28,757 and cook some more borscht for Mrs. Popov. 94 00:04:28,841 --> 00:04:31,468 Well, I'm glad you made it. 95 00:04:31,552 --> 00:04:33,554 Anyway, this is my brother, Dr. Niles Crane. 96 00:04:33,638 --> 00:04:36,182 -Hi. It's a pleasure to meet you. -I'm sorry I'm running out. 97 00:04:36,266 --> 00:04:38,935 You're certainly a refreshing change from Frasier's last agent. 98 00:04:39,019 --> 00:04:41,419 I think she would have swerved to hit the pigeon. 99 00:04:42,106 --> 00:04:44,206 No, she would've swerved to hit Mrs. Popov. 100 00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:47,278 -Ben, I'd like you to meet my dad, Martin. -Hi. 101 00:04:47,362 --> 00:04:49,697 And this is his home healthcare worker, Daphne. 102 00:04:49,781 --> 00:04:52,575 -Daphne, this is Ben, my new agent. -Oh, very nice to meet you. 103 00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:53,952 -And you. -Yeah, it sounds like 104 00:04:54,036 --> 00:04:55,996 -you're a pretty busy volunteer. -Yes, indeed! 105 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,791 You know, Ben just won this year's Seattle Samaritan Award. 106 00:04:58,875 --> 00:05:00,918 -Enough about me. Let's talk about you. -Oh. 107 00:05:01,002 --> 00:05:02,170 -May I? -Please. 108 00:05:02,254 --> 00:05:05,173 I, uh, was thinking that before we start this negotiation, 109 00:05:05,257 --> 00:05:07,175 it wouldn't hurt to raise your public profile. 110 00:05:07,259 --> 00:05:09,302 -I like the sound of that. -Okay, here's my plan. 111 00:05:09,386 --> 00:05:12,098 For a year now I've done pro bono work for the Mercer Island Zoo. 112 00:05:12,182 --> 00:05:14,600 You know, spreading the word, raising awareness. 113 00:05:14,684 --> 00:05:17,437 -There's a zoo on Mercer Island? -You betcha. 114 00:05:18,272 --> 00:05:21,733 This will be great PR for both of you. They just bought a rare crane. 115 00:05:21,817 --> 00:05:24,767 -FRASIER: Uh-huh. -I convinced them to name it after you. 116 00:05:24,904 --> 00:05:26,197 You know, Frasier Crane. 117 00:05:26,281 --> 00:05:29,701 So there'll be a ceremony with full newspaper and TV coverage. 118 00:05:29,785 --> 00:05:31,327 And I think it's brilliant. 119 00:05:31,411 --> 00:05:33,289 I'm bolstering my bargaining position 120 00:05:33,373 --> 00:05:35,416 and also helping out a plucky little zoo. 121 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:36,667 I love this man. 122 00:05:36,751 --> 00:05:39,670 I think it would be fun to have a crane named after me. 123 00:05:39,754 --> 00:05:42,804 I just love those big pouchy mouths they scoop up the fish in. 124 00:05:44,051 --> 00:05:45,427 I think those are pelicans. 125 00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,012 Oh, right. 126 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,996 Cranes are the ones who always sound like they're laughing. 127 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:53,520 -No, wait, I'm thinking of loons. -[MARTIN CHUCKLES] 128 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,230 That's a coincidence. 129 00:05:56,607 --> 00:06:00,944 Oh, shoot, I got borscht on my sleeve. Do you have any club soda? 130 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,321 -MARTIN: Daph? -Right through here. 131 00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:04,032 -Help yourself. -Thank you. 132 00:06:05,742 --> 00:06:07,577 Frasier, you said it was a big deal. 133 00:06:07,661 --> 00:06:09,746 Are you sure you want to send in that Mouseketeer? 134 00:06:09,830 --> 00:06:11,832 Why does everybody assume that in order to be an agent 135 00:06:11,916 --> 00:06:14,209 you have to be some sort of unscrupulous huckster? 136 00:06:14,293 --> 00:06:16,712 It is possible for a good and decent man 137 00:06:16,796 --> 00:06:19,466 to be every bit as intimidating as the toughest shark out there. 138 00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:20,884 Well, time to skedaddle. 139 00:06:22,177 --> 00:06:23,887 I have to pick up a friend. 140 00:06:23,971 --> 00:06:25,722 The poor guy just went bankrupt, 141 00:06:25,806 --> 00:06:28,017 so I'm letting him bunk in our rumpus room for a while. 142 00:06:28,101 --> 00:06:29,435 That's awfully generous of you. 143 00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:31,669 Well, he's not just a friend. He's a client. 144 00:06:37,987 --> 00:06:39,738 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 145 00:06:39,822 --> 00:06:44,160 Uh, and the press and the board members will join us in here for a little buffet. 146 00:06:44,244 --> 00:06:47,705 So I finish my speech, and then I give Mr. Twembly here the cue, 147 00:06:47,789 --> 00:06:51,085 and he, he brings out this marvelous creature. 148 00:06:51,169 --> 00:06:52,294 Just give me the signal. 149 00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:53,671 Oh, this is great. 150 00:06:53,755 --> 00:06:57,760 Look at this, turkey, chicken wings. Hey, gotta make you a little nervous, huh? 151 00:06:59,470 --> 00:07:01,388 Look, it's Toffee Macintosh from the news. 152 00:07:01,472 --> 00:07:03,264 -I just love her. -Oh, yes, really? 153 00:07:03,348 --> 00:07:04,767 Frasier. 154 00:07:04,851 --> 00:07:06,477 Toffee, thank you for covering us. 155 00:07:06,561 --> 00:07:07,937 Oh, you know my motto: 156 00:07:08,021 --> 00:07:10,564 "If it happens in Seattle, it's news to me." 157 00:07:10,648 --> 00:07:12,066 [ALL LAUGH] 158 00:07:12,150 --> 00:07:14,277 Listen, I'd like you to meet one of your biggest fans, 159 00:07:14,361 --> 00:07:15,461 -Daphne Moon. -Hello. 160 00:07:16,030 --> 00:07:20,410 I just love the way you get all somber when you describe a flood or a murder. 161 00:07:20,494 --> 00:07:22,794 Then you cheer right up the minute you're done. 162 00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:27,083 It makes me think, "Well, if she can get over it, so can I." 163 00:07:27,167 --> 00:07:29,420 That's what I'm here for. 164 00:07:29,504 --> 00:07:32,214 -Ready to greet your public? -Well, yes. Yeah, come on, Dad. 165 00:07:32,298 --> 00:07:33,549 Wait, I'll be there in a sec. 166 00:07:33,633 --> 00:07:36,594 Well, you see what maternal instincts this woman has. 167 00:07:36,678 --> 00:07:38,513 Even little Bobo here can sense it. 168 00:07:38,597 --> 00:07:42,017 Well, I can see I'm not the only one getting some publicity today. 169 00:07:42,726 --> 00:07:44,437 Frasier, they want to start pretty soon. 170 00:07:44,521 --> 00:07:46,147 Ben, I'd like you to meet some people. 171 00:07:46,231 --> 00:07:49,984 This is Bebe and Roz. This is, Ben, my new agent. 172 00:07:50,068 --> 00:07:50,944 -Hi. -ROZ: Hi, Ben. 173 00:07:51,028 --> 00:07:52,571 -Hey, talk about your small world. -Hmm? 174 00:07:52,655 --> 00:07:53,572 Turns out Mr. Twembly 175 00:07:53,656 --> 00:07:56,992 and I both sang tenor for the same choir back home in Salt Lake City. 176 00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:58,370 Nice meeting you, ladies. 177 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:04,251 Well, when there's a dirty job to be done, you can't go wrong with a Mormon. 178 00:08:06,295 --> 00:08:10,174 Scoff all you like. The man is a genius of PR. 179 00:08:10,383 --> 00:08:11,300 [SCOFFS] 180 00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:14,054 Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. 181 00:08:14,138 --> 00:08:15,847 On behalf of the Mercer Island Zoo, 182 00:08:15,931 --> 00:08:18,641 I would like to welcome our very special guest, 183 00:08:18,725 --> 00:08:20,435 Dr. Frasier Crane. 184 00:08:23,982 --> 00:08:25,733 FRASIER: Thank you, Mr. Twembly. 185 00:08:27,277 --> 00:08:30,030 I suppose it's only appropriate that the zoo has called upon me 186 00:08:30,114 --> 00:08:33,116 to introduce you all to its newest resident. 187 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,413 You see, he happens to be a relative of mine. 188 00:08:39,499 --> 00:08:42,001 Hey, what are you lookin' at? This is human food. 189 00:08:42,085 --> 00:08:44,535 You don't see me lookin' at your bird food, do ya? 190 00:08:45,882 --> 00:08:46,757 [GRUNTS] 191 00:08:47,258 --> 00:08:50,302 What do you think you're doin', huh? That's not very nice. 192 00:08:50,386 --> 00:08:53,515 Oh, wait, wait, no, no, no. Wait! Where you goin'? 193 00:08:54,308 --> 00:08:57,394 We're both tall and have distinctive profiles. 194 00:08:57,978 --> 00:09:01,148 We've both been known to winter in Mexico. 195 00:09:01,232 --> 00:09:03,693 And let's not forget our voices. 196 00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:08,573 Is there anything as stirring as the crane's majestic cry? 197 00:09:08,657 --> 00:09:10,784 MARTIN: [SCREAMS] Get this damn thing off me! 198 00:09:10,868 --> 00:09:13,495 FRASIER: Dad, are you all right? What's happening? 199 00:09:13,579 --> 00:09:17,333 Oh, good Lord. Oh, my goodness, what is going on? 200 00:09:17,417 --> 00:09:20,294 I'm sorry. Nothing, nothing to be alarmed about. 201 00:09:20,378 --> 00:09:22,631 Just a little family squabble. 202 00:09:22,715 --> 00:09:23,674 [LAUGHS WEAKLY] 203 00:09:27,386 --> 00:09:30,056 In a shocking and gruesome incident this afternoon, 204 00:09:30,140 --> 00:09:33,685 the Mercer Island Zoo seemed more like the Island of Dr. Moreau, 205 00:09:33,769 --> 00:09:37,230 as a disabled senior citizen was savagely attacked 206 00:09:37,314 --> 00:09:39,609 by Frasier Crane, Bird of Prey. 207 00:09:40,485 --> 00:09:41,861 I can't watch any more of this. 208 00:09:41,945 --> 00:09:43,988 Well, that makes us even. I can't hear any of it. 209 00:09:44,072 --> 00:09:45,615 Oh, you weren't hurt that badly. 210 00:09:45,699 --> 00:09:47,367 You wouldn't know that to listen to Toffee. 211 00:09:47,451 --> 00:09:49,077 She makes it sound like a disaster. 212 00:09:49,161 --> 00:09:50,036 I know. 213 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,999 But did you see the way she could smile right after? 214 00:09:58,129 --> 00:10:01,091 Lord, this entire affair has turned into a PR. nightmare. 215 00:10:01,175 --> 00:10:04,275 Well, it's your own fault for hiring Howdy Doody as your agent. 216 00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:06,138 [DOORBELL RINGS] 217 00:10:06,514 --> 00:10:07,472 Dad, I'm sorry. 218 00:10:07,556 --> 00:10:10,006 Ben had no idea that bird was going to attack you. 219 00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:14,694 Besides, there's a school of thought that there is no such thing as bad publicity. 220 00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:16,859 [SNICKERING] 221 00:10:19,696 --> 00:10:22,573 Frasier, I was just hearing about you on the car radio. 222 00:10:22,657 --> 00:10:25,452 The DJ was offering a cash prize for the best Frasier Crane joke. 223 00:10:25,536 --> 00:10:27,086 What was the front-runner? Yes. 224 00:10:27,705 --> 00:10:29,915 How can you tell Frasier the Crane's a psychiatrist? 225 00:10:29,999 --> 00:10:31,209 I can't wait to hear. 226 00:10:31,293 --> 00:10:34,193 He ignores what you say, then sticks you with a large bill. 227 00:10:39,093 --> 00:10:40,677 You must forgive my jolly mood, 228 00:10:40,761 --> 00:10:43,680 but Maris was over tonight for our weekly conjugal visit. 229 00:10:43,764 --> 00:10:44,890 Oh, geez. 230 00:10:46,393 --> 00:10:48,353 I've never seen her look so seductive. 231 00:10:49,187 --> 00:10:52,023 She wore a clingy gown, crimson lipstick, even earrings, 232 00:10:52,107 --> 00:10:54,707 which she tends to avoid as they make her head droop. 233 00:10:56,321 --> 00:11:00,199 She pulled me down upon the bed and began playing my spine like a zither. 234 00:11:00,283 --> 00:11:01,993 And then just as things were heating up, 235 00:11:02,077 --> 00:11:05,038 she renewed her request that I dismiss Dr. Wilfong. 236 00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:07,916 So tremulous with desire was I that I almost relented, 237 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,934 but then I remembered your advice, Frasier, 238 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,464 and I said I wouldn't fire the good doctor, 239 00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:14,882 at which point Maris told me 240 00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:17,966 I wouldn't be firing anything else in the foreseeable future. 241 00:11:20,014 --> 00:11:21,306 And she left! 242 00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:23,809 Niles, withholding sex can be just as difficult on Maris. 243 00:11:23,893 --> 00:11:26,646 -She may crumble first. -Are you serious? 244 00:11:27,939 --> 00:11:30,359 One hour of passion can sustain her for months. 245 00:11:31,401 --> 00:11:33,696 She stores it up like some sexual camel. 246 00:11:34,906 --> 00:11:38,033 All right, Niles, you know that my advice was solid. 247 00:11:38,117 --> 00:11:39,410 I hope you're right. 248 00:11:39,494 --> 00:11:40,412 [PHONE RINGS] 249 00:11:40,496 --> 00:11:41,330 I'll get it. 250 00:11:43,332 --> 00:11:45,709 Hello. Oh, hello, Roz. It's Roz. 251 00:11:45,793 --> 00:11:46,627 Thank you. 252 00:11:47,754 --> 00:11:49,672 Roz, hello. Yes, what is it? 253 00:11:49,756 --> 00:11:51,048 That's a striking arrangement. 254 00:11:51,132 --> 00:11:51,966 It's from Bebe. 255 00:11:52,050 --> 00:11:54,800 After what happened today, she's trying to woo him back. 256 00:11:55,596 --> 00:11:58,682 Birds of paradise. I suppose that's her idea of floral irony. 257 00:12:00,810 --> 00:12:04,397 Yes, well, uh, thanks for the warning, Roz. 258 00:12:04,481 --> 00:12:05,357 Bye, bye. 259 00:12:05,857 --> 00:12:06,858 What's that about? 260 00:12:08,151 --> 00:12:09,736 It turns out that the station manager 261 00:12:09,820 --> 00:12:12,020 won't be renegotiating the contracts himself. 262 00:12:12,573 --> 00:12:17,161 Apparently he's brought in one of these hired guns stations use to reduce costs. 263 00:12:17,912 --> 00:12:19,956 Some fellow nicknamed "The Hammer." 264 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,125 They call him "The Hammer" because he's tough? 265 00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:25,170 No, Niles, because he loves the lyrics of Oscar Hammerstein. 266 00:12:27,966 --> 00:12:30,009 Frasier, if I were you, I'd call Bebe. 267 00:12:30,093 --> 00:12:33,347 Now I'm no fan of hers either, but this is a pretty big negotiation. 268 00:12:33,431 --> 00:12:36,031 -[DOORBELL RINGS] -No, Dad, I am sticking with Ben. 269 00:12:36,517 --> 00:12:39,895 Oh, sure, maybe Bebe could use her dark arts to get me a dollar or two more, 270 00:12:39,979 --> 00:12:42,529 but, you know, my integrity is worth more than that. 271 00:12:42,899 --> 00:12:45,526 -Hello, Ben. Well, I'm fine. -Hey, big guy. How are you doin'? 272 00:12:45,610 --> 00:12:46,445 BEN: Good. 273 00:12:46,778 --> 00:12:47,612 [DOOR CLOSES] 274 00:12:47,696 --> 00:12:49,823 Boy, people sure are being mean about this. 275 00:12:49,907 --> 00:12:52,242 I was just listening to the radio on the way over. 276 00:12:52,326 --> 00:12:54,078 Ouch. Yeah, but I always say, 277 00:12:54,162 --> 00:12:56,289 "If life hands you a lemon, make lemonade." 278 00:12:56,373 --> 00:12:59,084 That's the spirit. So you've got some sort of damage control plan? 279 00:12:59,168 --> 00:13:01,252 You betcha. I got a way to turn this mess around 280 00:13:01,336 --> 00:13:03,129 and show that station manager what you're made of. 281 00:13:03,213 --> 00:13:04,673 But you won't be dealing with him. 282 00:13:04,757 --> 00:13:07,385 You'll be dealing with this, freelancer they call "The Hammer." 283 00:13:07,469 --> 00:13:08,470 Hoo-boy. 284 00:13:10,388 --> 00:13:12,516 -You've gone up against him? -Oh, yes. 285 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:14,684 And I had to take a pretty firm line with him. 286 00:13:14,768 --> 00:13:16,353 Well, I'm glad to hear that. 287 00:13:16,437 --> 00:13:18,271 I said, "You clean up your language, pal. 288 00:13:18,355 --> 00:13:21,109 I walked out of that Mamet play, I can walk out on you." 289 00:13:25,655 --> 00:13:27,366 So, uh, about your plan. 290 00:13:27,450 --> 00:13:28,659 Yeah, right. Um… 291 00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:32,454 I think there's a way to show people you're laughing right along with them. 292 00:13:32,538 --> 00:13:34,373 You know, you do a photo op where you, 293 00:13:34,457 --> 00:13:37,419 Seattle's best-loved psychiatrist, give the crane therapy. 294 00:13:37,503 --> 00:13:40,296 You know, you sit in a chair with a pad on your lap, 295 00:13:40,380 --> 00:13:45,386 and the crane, properly sedated, of course, sits on this. 296 00:13:51,644 --> 00:13:53,770 Where on earth did you find a couch that size? 297 00:13:53,854 --> 00:13:56,648 Oh, I built it myself. I have a little workshop in my attic 298 00:13:56,732 --> 00:13:58,882 where I make toys for the neighborhood kids. 299 00:14:00,403 --> 00:14:03,031 Look at you. Agent, Samaritan… 300 00:14:03,698 --> 00:14:04,574 Elf. 301 00:14:05,826 --> 00:14:07,703 Dad, I like this idea. 302 00:14:07,787 --> 00:14:10,164 It's droll and self-mocking. 303 00:14:10,248 --> 00:14:13,251 It's the perfect way to turn a PR embarrassment into a triumph. 304 00:14:13,335 --> 00:14:15,253 Great. I'll, uh, set up the photo op. 305 00:14:15,337 --> 00:14:17,547 And don't you be nervous about the Hammer, all right? 306 00:14:17,631 --> 00:14:20,300 -I can be a pretty tough customer. -I'm sure that you can. 307 00:14:20,384 --> 00:14:22,428 I know you're going in there and give him hell. 308 00:14:22,512 --> 00:14:26,015 Boy, I love show folk, but I'll never get used to the cursing. 309 00:14:33,774 --> 00:14:35,777 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 310 00:14:44,036 --> 00:14:45,079 Latte, please. 311 00:14:45,705 --> 00:14:48,457 Hey, didn't I see your picture in the paper today? 312 00:14:48,541 --> 00:14:51,712 There was a big bird chasing you around a little couch. 313 00:14:57,009 --> 00:14:58,176 Latte, please. 314 00:15:02,181 --> 00:15:03,641 Well, I think you have a real case 315 00:15:03,725 --> 00:15:05,825 against the maker of those crane sedatives. 316 00:15:09,773 --> 00:15:13,360 I just wish they'd named the damned bird after somebody else. 317 00:15:14,195 --> 00:15:15,697 Gregory Peck, perhaps. 318 00:15:19,409 --> 00:15:20,785 Thank you for the sympathy. 319 00:15:20,869 --> 00:15:23,747 You're not the only one who's going through a rough patch. 320 00:15:23,831 --> 00:15:25,874 Maris has strained my libido to the breaking point. 321 00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:27,834 Niles, you can't give in. 322 00:15:27,918 --> 00:15:29,169 I am getting desperate. 323 00:15:29,253 --> 00:15:31,923 This morning I found myself flirting with my manicurist. 324 00:15:32,007 --> 00:15:35,257 -The one with the thing on her face? -I told you, I'm desperate. 325 00:15:37,180 --> 00:15:38,765 What can be keeping Ben? 326 00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:41,351 After all this, you're still using Ben? 327 00:15:41,976 --> 00:15:45,313 -Shouldn't you just go back to Bebe? -I see what you're doing. 328 00:15:45,397 --> 00:15:48,525 If I bail out, it gives you an excuse to go crawling back to Maris. 329 00:15:48,609 --> 00:15:49,985 Well, I'm not going to do it. 330 00:15:50,069 --> 00:15:52,947 Ben may have made some mistakes, but he is a good man. 331 00:15:53,031 --> 00:15:55,450 He's going to make me a good deal. Gil! 332 00:15:56,284 --> 00:15:57,660 How did it go with the Hammer? 333 00:15:57,744 --> 00:16:01,039 You've never seen such cold, dead eyes. 334 00:16:01,123 --> 00:16:03,459 It was like bargaining with Nosferatu. 335 00:16:05,503 --> 00:16:06,837 My salary's been slashed. 336 00:16:06,921 --> 00:16:08,673 Oh, I'm sorry. 337 00:16:08,757 --> 00:16:10,091 Can I do anything else for you? 338 00:16:10,175 --> 00:16:12,135 Yes, would you mind nibbling on this provocatively? 339 00:16:12,219 --> 00:16:13,345 FRASIER: Niles. 340 00:16:16,849 --> 00:16:18,017 We're fine, thank you. 341 00:16:20,395 --> 00:16:22,271 I wish you good luck, Frasier. 342 00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:25,692 I don't see anybody squeezing blood from that stone. 343 00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,361 Lattes for everyone. 344 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,656 Dear God, don't tell me you did well? 345 00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:34,994 I got a weekly spot on Clint Webber's show and a 30 percent raise. 346 00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:36,704 GIL: How on earth did you get all that? 347 00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:40,876 Oh, we go way back, the Hammer and I. I know where the bodies are buried. 348 00:16:42,294 --> 00:16:44,672 Usually that's just a metaphor. 349 00:16:47,884 --> 00:16:50,261 So, Gil, what'll you have? My treat. 350 00:16:50,345 --> 00:16:52,347 I think I'll be happier at the losers' table 351 00:16:52,431 --> 00:16:54,350 with Aunt Penny the Story Lady. 352 00:16:54,434 --> 00:16:56,602 Penny, don't put that flask away. 353 00:16:59,897 --> 00:17:02,735 Well, congratulations, Roz. 354 00:17:03,736 --> 00:17:04,861 I'm waiting for Ben. 355 00:17:04,945 --> 00:17:06,738 We have to discuss our bargaining position. 356 00:17:06,822 --> 00:17:09,033 Oh, there are so many to choose from: 357 00:17:09,117 --> 00:17:10,910 kneeling, crawling, groveling. 358 00:17:10,994 --> 00:17:12,694 I'm sure he'll pick the right one. 359 00:17:14,038 --> 00:17:15,831 God, she is obnoxious. 360 00:17:15,915 --> 00:17:16,750 Hmm. 361 00:17:16,834 --> 00:17:19,670 Though alluring, in a buxom-bad-girl kind of way. 362 00:17:21,130 --> 00:17:22,715 Oh, shut up, you horny idiot. 363 00:17:27,387 --> 00:17:29,013 My bandage seems a little loose. 364 00:17:29,097 --> 00:17:31,684 If Ben gets here, just tell him I went in to fix it. 365 00:17:40,652 --> 00:17:41,903 Frasier, we have to talk. 366 00:17:41,987 --> 00:17:44,364 Are you aware that you are in the men's room? 367 00:17:44,448 --> 00:17:45,281 Oh, please. 368 00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:47,785 If I paid attention to signs with little pictures on them, 369 00:17:47,869 --> 00:17:49,370 I'd never get a parking space. 370 00:17:53,583 --> 00:17:57,796 Now it's time we both dropped the masks. You need me and I want you back. 371 00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:59,339 Just sign this contract. 372 00:17:59,423 --> 00:18:02,423 I'll cut you a deal that'll make Roz's look like lunch money. 373 00:18:02,886 --> 00:18:06,223 Isn't there a zebra carcass somewhere you should be hovering over? 374 00:18:08,683 --> 00:18:11,354 You wanna see a carcass, chum? Look in the mirror. 375 00:18:11,896 --> 00:18:13,731 Look what you've let that man do to you. 376 00:18:13,815 --> 00:18:17,610 Your face is riddled with bird bites, your name's a punchline, 377 00:18:17,694 --> 00:18:19,946 and your career is five minutes from over. 378 00:18:20,030 --> 00:18:23,617 And he's only been your agent for three days. 379 00:18:26,746 --> 00:18:28,080 Send him in against the Hammer, 380 00:18:28,164 --> 00:18:31,376 and you'll be doing fog reports from a lighthouse in Puget Sound. 381 00:18:33,254 --> 00:18:35,589 Admit it, you're scared. 382 00:18:35,673 --> 00:18:37,216 All right, maybe I am scared. 383 00:18:37,758 --> 00:18:41,096 But there's one thing that's stronger than fear. 384 00:18:41,596 --> 00:18:42,430 Faith. 385 00:18:42,514 --> 00:18:46,100 Faith that a good man with a good heart can make a good deal. 386 00:18:46,184 --> 00:18:47,977 Now get out of my way. 387 00:18:48,061 --> 00:18:49,521 No, I won't let you. 388 00:18:49,605 --> 00:18:52,065 You know what I've been through building your career? 389 00:18:52,149 --> 00:18:57,155 I have been to hell and back so often I have frequent flyer miles. 390 00:18:59,408 --> 00:19:01,618 You owe me a second chance. 391 00:19:01,702 --> 00:19:04,664 Take your tentacles off of me! 392 00:19:06,332 --> 00:19:08,918 Please, I won't be the same Bebe you knew. 393 00:19:09,002 --> 00:19:10,002 I'll change. 394 00:19:10,086 --> 00:19:14,383 I'll be like Ben, only competent. 395 00:19:16,635 --> 00:19:20,097 Darling, you forgot to sign. 396 00:19:20,181 --> 00:19:21,849 Oh, you've reconciled. Congratulations. 397 00:19:21,933 --> 00:19:24,333 -I'll just be off to Maris's. -Sit down, Niles! 398 00:19:25,186 --> 00:19:27,481 I'm still with Ben. Ben. 399 00:19:27,565 --> 00:19:28,524 Sorry I'm late. 400 00:19:28,608 --> 00:19:31,443 I took my son's troop on a nature hike, and Noah got a bee sting. 401 00:19:31,527 --> 00:19:34,030 So I rushed him to the emergency room. Then I came straight here. 402 00:19:34,114 --> 00:19:35,824 It's all right. We've got five minutes. 403 00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:36,742 Excuse me. 404 00:19:37,159 --> 00:19:39,661 Now, Frasier, you know Bebe can make you a better deal. 405 00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:40,578 Listen to Roz. 406 00:19:40,662 --> 00:19:43,262 -Listen to Niles. -I'm not listening to any of you. 407 00:19:43,625 --> 00:19:45,876 My God, am I the last man on God's green earth 408 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,003 that's still willing to stand up for a principle? 409 00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:50,537 Shall we go over those demands for old Mr. Hammer? 410 00:19:57,599 --> 00:19:59,935 Ben, could we have a word? 411 00:20:01,227 --> 00:20:02,062 Hello, Maris? 412 00:20:09,278 --> 00:20:13,367 Uh… I don't think it's news to you that things haven't been going so… 413 00:20:14,368 --> 00:20:15,744 Smoothly with us. 414 00:20:16,828 --> 00:20:20,333 I think I'd feel more comfortable with Bebe. 415 00:20:20,875 --> 00:20:23,627 I know this must seem a bit of a shock to you, but… 416 00:20:23,711 --> 00:20:25,546 Heck, no. I saw this coming. 417 00:20:25,630 --> 00:20:27,339 When you threw that little couch at me, 418 00:20:27,423 --> 00:20:29,426 I thought, "This is not a happy client." 419 00:20:32,805 --> 00:20:34,505 -Thanks for understanding. -Sure. 420 00:20:36,559 --> 00:20:37,602 NILES: Taxi! 421 00:20:42,232 --> 00:20:43,526 Sign right here, darling. 422 00:20:45,569 --> 00:20:48,069 Now I'm holding you to your promise about changing. 423 00:20:48,531 --> 00:20:50,240 I won't stand for any more shady doings. 424 00:20:50,324 --> 00:20:52,160 Those days are all behind me. 425 00:20:52,244 --> 00:20:53,953 Once we've worked on this thing with the Hammer, 426 00:20:54,037 --> 00:20:56,623 maybe you can see what you can do about diffusing this bird situation. 427 00:20:56,707 --> 00:20:59,251 Oh, you don't have to worry about the crane anymore. 428 00:20:59,335 --> 00:21:01,335 Poor thing choked to death this morning. 429 00:21:01,754 --> 00:21:04,424 They have no idea who would feed a bird a jawbreaker. 430 00:21:05,299 --> 00:21:06,135 Bye now. 431 00:21:20,942 --> 00:21:24,447 Bebe, is there any chance it wasn't you? 432 00:21:25,990 --> 00:21:27,241 Oh, darling. 433 00:21:30,579 --> 00:21:32,372 There's always a chance. 434 00:21:35,042 --> 00:21:36,209 I can live with that. 435 00:21:40,423 --> 00:21:41,507 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 436 00:21:41,591 --> 00:21:44,037 ♪ Hey, baby I hear the blues a-calling ♪ 437 00:21:44,121 --> 00:21:46,305 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 438 00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:48,431 Mercy. 439 00:21:48,515 --> 00:21:50,830 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 440 00:21:50,914 --> 00:21:53,229 ♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 441 00:21:53,313 --> 00:21:55,648 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 442 00:21:55,732 --> 00:21:57,400 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 443 00:21:57,484 --> 00:22:00,738 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 444 00:22:01,655 --> 00:22:03,032 ♪ They're calling again ♪ 445 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:06,702 Good night, Seattle, we love you!