1
00:00:02,310 --> 00:00:04,312
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:09,899 --> 00:00:12,568
-Hey, how you doing, Doc? The usual?
-Please.
3
00:00:12,652 --> 00:00:13,819
I'll have my usual too.
4
00:00:14,528 --> 00:00:16,863
-Uh, and that would be…
-Oh.
5
00:00:16,947 --> 00:00:19,156
Come on. I come in here every day.
You must remember.
6
00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:21,824
-Uh…
-My usual is…
7
00:00:21,908 --> 00:00:23,243
A half-caf…
8
00:00:24,577 --> 00:00:25,577
Cappuccino…
9
00:00:27,746 --> 00:00:29,580
With a light dusting of…
10
00:00:29,664 --> 00:00:30,831
-Nutmeg.
-Cinnamon.
11
00:00:30,915 --> 00:00:31,749
Got it.
12
00:00:33,458 --> 00:00:35,001
-God, that's infuriating.
-Oh.
13
00:00:35,085 --> 00:00:37,502
Well, I come here every
bit as often as you do.
14
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Don't take it to heart, Niles.
15
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This person just happens
to remember me best.
16
00:00:40,672 --> 00:00:42,048
The next person might just as easily…
17
00:00:42,132 --> 00:00:45,133
Oh, my God. You're Frasier Crane.
18
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Could I bother you for an autograph?
19
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No, you can't. It's never a bother.
20
00:00:49,637 --> 00:00:51,471
-I love your show.
-Oh, thank you.
21
00:00:51,555 --> 00:00:54,015
I just think you're like the smartest
guy on the face of the earth.
22
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Well, one does hear tales
of a certain wise man in Tibet,
23
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but why split hairs?
24
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-There you are.
-Thanks.
25
00:01:01,563 --> 00:01:04,648
-Where was I?
-You were last seen hiking up Mount Ego.
26
00:01:07,775 --> 00:01:10,735
Enough already. You've been
yapping about this all morning.
27
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Well, it's a stupid rule, and it's
always we foreigners who suffer for it.
28
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Take another drive on the wrong
side of the road today, did we?
29
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No.
30
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It's about my friend Xena.
31
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-Oh, you don't want to hear about it.
-NILES: Oh. Hey, Dad.
32
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Uh, Xena? Isn't she the Greek woman?
33
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DAPHNE: Yeah.
We've been planning a trip together.
34
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You see, her mother's
taking a luxury cruise,
35
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and her ship will be docked
in Mazatlán for a week.
36
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She's invited us down to join her,
37
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only I can't go, because
me bloody passport's expired.
38
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Well, don't give up hope.
39
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One way or another, we'll
get you across that border.
40
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If I have to, I'll snuggle
you under an old blanket.
41
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Don't you mean "smuggle"?
42
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I'm using code language.
You can't be too careful.
43
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-There you go, Doc.
-Thank you.
44
00:01:51,557 --> 00:01:54,184
-Anything for you, ma'am?
-Oh, thanks. I've already ordered.
45
00:01:54,268 --> 00:01:57,019
-Oh, I'm sorry. You had the, uh…
-Absentminded waiter.
46
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I'll get it myself.
47
00:02:03,232 --> 00:02:05,901
Oh. Roz called.
She wanted me to remind you
48
00:02:05,985 --> 00:02:07,652
about your meeting
with the station manager.
49
00:02:07,736 --> 00:02:08,569
Ah, yes, that.
50
00:02:08,653 --> 00:02:12,197
He probably wants to discuss
my 1,000th radio broadcast.
51
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It's coming up next week.
52
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-You've done a thousand shows?
-FRASIER: Yes. Yes.
53
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If I know the station manager,
he'll want to mark the occasion
54
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with some sort of gaudy celebration:
press, parties, God knows what.
55
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I've never been the kind to go in for
that sort of self-congratulatory hoopla.
56
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The work is the thing for me.
57
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But, still, a thousand shows,
that's quite an achievement.
58
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Well, I suppose.
59
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-Who'd have thought, huh?
-Not me, that's for damn sure.
60
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Yeah, those first two weeks, "Pee-yew!
Open a window!"
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All right, Dad.
62
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-Hey, morning, Roz.
-Morning, Bulldog.
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[GASPS] Oh! My gosh.
64
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Look what Frasier got for me.
He's so cute.
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"Dear Roz, a huggy bear for the mom-to-be.
66
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Love, Bulldog"?
67
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I, uh, guess I should have known
you'd think it was from Frasier.
68
00:03:01,567 --> 00:03:03,943
-Oh, I'm so sorry, Bulldog.
-No, no, it's okay.
69
00:03:04,027 --> 00:03:05,611
I know I'm not the
warmest guy in the world,
70
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but when it comes to kids, I
get kind of, well, you know…
71
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Oh, Bulldog, come here.
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Come here.
73
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Oh…
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Oh, you're gonna make a good mother, Roz.
75
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Thank you, Bulldog. That's so sweet.
76
00:03:26,961 --> 00:03:27,878
Bulldog?
77
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-Huh?
-Oh, get off me!
78
00:03:30,839 --> 00:03:31,797
What?
79
00:03:31,881 --> 00:03:34,299
You just wanted to hug me
'cause my breasts are getting bigger.
80
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Oh, no, I was just trying to get
close enough to feel a little kick.
81
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-Ow!
-Get out!
82
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Pervert!
83
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Morning, Roz. I got you one of
those little muffins that you love.
84
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You're not getting a hug.
85
00:03:50,144 --> 00:03:52,896
Well, I see those mood
swings have leveled off nicely.
86
00:03:53,647 --> 00:03:56,106
I'll just run upstairs and have
that meeting with Greg in his office.
87
00:03:56,190 --> 00:03:57,649
Oh, wait, it's been canceled.
88
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He wanted to talk to you
about your thousandth show,
89
00:03:59,651 --> 00:04:01,194
but I ran into him and I handled it.
90
00:04:01,278 --> 00:04:04,237
All right, let me have it.
91
00:04:04,321 --> 00:04:06,406
What kind of a circus am I in for?
92
00:04:07,198 --> 00:04:09,533
I suppose a garish outdoor rally
93
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:12,702
like the one they gave for Bob
and Nipsy over at KTLK, hmm?
94
00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:14,453
I told them just what you said,
95
00:04:14,537 --> 00:04:17,956
about how the work is its own
reward, so you're off the hook.
96
00:04:18,999 --> 00:04:21,042
-They're not doing anything?
-Nope.
97
00:04:22,626 --> 00:04:23,835
Well.
98
00:04:23,919 --> 00:04:25,962
Well done, Roz. That's a relief.
99
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Although, I, uh…
100
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,634
I'm not sure I'm being quite fair to you.
101
00:04:33,718 --> 00:04:35,844
You see, I did hear that after that rally,
102
00:04:35,928 --> 00:04:38,638
Bob and Nipsy's ratings went up 30%.
103
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Their producer got a handsome raise.
104
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Oh, yeah.
105
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Yes, and you, with the
little one coming and…
106
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Well, it's too late now.
107
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Right. Can't be helped.
108
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Best to just leave it alone.
109
00:04:49,313 --> 00:04:50,480
Still…
110
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There is the benefit to the station.
111
00:04:53,733 --> 00:04:55,608
What's good for KACL is
good for all of us, isn't it?
112
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Yeah, that's true.
113
00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:59,986
Well, I suppose you could just give
Greg a call and tell him I'd be willing,
114
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well, for your sake and the station's,
115
00:05:01,655 --> 00:05:04,949
to submit to a small, tasteful, uh
116
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low-key public rally.
117
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DAPHNE: I just want to renew my passport!
118
00:05:16,207 --> 00:05:19,584
No!
I'm a resident alien here from England.
119
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You know, the country that
used to own you people?
120
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You'll go right to the
head of the line now.
121
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I can't wait two weeks.
122
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My friend Xena's flying down
to meet her mum's ship Sunday.
123
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Don't you put me on hold again.
124
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I'll hang up. I mean it.
125
00:05:38,307 --> 00:05:39,350
I showed him.
126
00:05:43,019 --> 00:05:44,686
Well. It's official.
127
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My thousandth show is now an event.
128
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What's going on?
129
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FRASIER: Oh, nothing
short of a media circus
130
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with you-know-who in the center ring.
131
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They're planning a promotional blitzkrieg
capped off by a public rally in my honor
132
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at the foot of the Space Needle.
133
00:06:01,574 --> 00:06:03,950
Wow. That's great. You must be thrilled.
134
00:06:04,034 --> 00:06:05,618
Well, of course I'm flattered.
135
00:06:05,702 --> 00:06:07,703
I'm just a little bit embarrassed, Dad.
136
00:06:07,787 --> 00:06:11,087
I'd have been content with a pat
on the back and an ice-cream cake.
137
00:06:12,749 --> 00:06:16,251
Oh, Dad, they've asked if you
might say a few words at the rally.
138
00:06:16,335 --> 00:06:18,002
You don't have to if it makes you nervous.
139
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,503
Oh. No problem.
140
00:06:19,587 --> 00:06:22,881
Yeah, I can't tell you how many
retirement dinners I've spoken at.
141
00:06:22,965 --> 00:06:24,883
I think I've still got my old joke book,
142
00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:28,344
1,001 Sidesplitters,
Rib-Ticklers and Thigh-Slappers.
143
00:06:29,469 --> 00:06:32,388
I'm sure you're a veritable
chiropractor of mirth, but…
144
00:06:32,472 --> 00:06:33,513
[PHONE RINGING]
145
00:06:33,597 --> 00:06:37,247
…I think what they're looking for is
something just a bit more personal.
146
00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:39,102
Hello?
147
00:06:39,894 --> 00:06:42,104
All right. Roz, Roz, slow down.
148
00:06:43,939 --> 00:06:46,357
Oh, good Lord. The mayor?
149
00:06:47,942 --> 00:06:51,944
Well, has Frasier fever
swept all the way to city hall? I…
150
00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:54,279
Well…
151
00:06:54,363 --> 00:06:57,031
All right, Roz, I'll see you tomorrow.
152
00:06:57,824 --> 00:07:00,867
-The mayor's going to be there?
-Yes. And not just be there.
153
00:07:00,951 --> 00:07:02,827
He's going to present
me with a key to the city,
154
00:07:02,911 --> 00:07:06,746
and afterwards he's going to
proclaim it Frasier Crane Day in Seattle.
155
00:07:06,830 --> 00:07:08,247
Way to go, kid.
156
00:07:08,331 --> 00:07:09,248
[DOORBELL RINGS]
157
00:07:09,332 --> 00:07:10,458
Oh! Who can this be?
158
00:07:12,668 --> 00:07:15,837
Some mechanic from the
Vatican with my Popemobile?
159
00:07:17,755 --> 00:07:20,131
-Niles.
-Frasier, dinner's on me.
160
00:07:20,215 --> 00:07:22,174
-I got some very good news today.
-Oh.
161
00:07:22,258 --> 00:07:24,801
What a coincidence.
Your brother just got some good news too.
162
00:07:24,885 --> 00:07:26,844
Not so good as mine, I suspect.
163
00:07:26,928 --> 00:07:29,471
But first of all, I have to apologize
for being so snippy this morning.
164
00:07:29,555 --> 00:07:31,222
I've been feeling a bit eclipsed lately,
165
00:07:31,306 --> 00:07:33,682
but all that vanished
when I reached my office,
166
00:07:33,766 --> 00:07:37,269
for what was waiting on my desk
but a gift from the Self-Esteem Fairy?
167
00:07:40,646 --> 00:07:43,815
-The American Journal of Psychiatry.
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
168
00:07:43,899 --> 00:07:46,985
I refer you to the "Letters"
page, third one down.
169
00:07:48,444 --> 00:07:52,529
"Dear sirs, Dr. Egmont Sanderling's
recent article on trichotillomania
170
00:07:52,613 --> 00:07:54,323
"contained several errors."
171
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,824
"He would do well to read
the groundbreaking work"
172
00:07:56,908 --> 00:07:58,534
"on the subject published
by, among others,"
173
00:07:58,618 --> 00:08:00,327
Dr. Alan Caldwell, Dr. Milo Lauderstien…"
174
00:08:00,411 --> 00:08:02,705
-Skip to the end.
-[MURMURING]
175
00:08:04,247 --> 00:08:07,248
Ah. "Dr. Geraldine Fennelly
and Dr. Niles Crane"!
176
00:08:07,332 --> 00:08:08,834
-Well!
-Oh, ho, ho!
177
00:08:10,294 --> 00:08:12,128
Not too shabby, eh?
178
00:08:13,337 --> 00:08:15,588
-That was quite an accolade, Niles.
-DAPHNE: Yes!
179
00:08:15,672 --> 00:08:19,216
I had no idea you were such a
well-known expert on the… The…
180
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:21,100
The thing that the letter mentioned.
181
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:25,554
And the way they saved you
for last so you really stand out.
182
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:26,764
Well, it's…
183
00:08:27,556 --> 00:08:31,726
Nothing to kick away the clouds like
a heady sip from the goblet of fame.
184
00:08:32,643 --> 00:08:34,060
Which reminds me, I told Jean Claude
185
00:08:34,144 --> 00:08:36,853
to start my victory-martini
shaking at precisely eight o'clock.
186
00:08:36,937 --> 00:08:38,605
Off we go, then. [CHUCKLES]
187
00:08:38,689 --> 00:08:40,856
Oh, wait.
You had some news yourself. Do tell.
188
00:08:40,940 --> 00:08:43,651
Oh, well, let's just wait
for that martini, shall we?
189
00:08:50,406 --> 00:08:52,407
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
190
00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:56,118
Happy Frasier Crane Day.
191
00:08:57,286 --> 00:09:00,121
Or is it "Merry Frasier Crane Day"?
I can never remember.
192
00:09:01,748 --> 00:09:02,832
Very amusing.
193
00:09:02,916 --> 00:09:04,750
I'll have a half-caf cappuccino.
194
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:08,419
Sorry I'm late. I stopped
halfway to listen to a jolly band
195
00:09:08,503 --> 00:09:10,129
of Frasier Crane Day carolers.
196
00:09:14,216 --> 00:09:17,176
I tried to join in on the
"12 Days of Frasier," but, uh…
197
00:09:20,470 --> 00:09:23,222
Forgot the words around day seven.
How does it go again?
198
00:09:24,348 --> 00:09:26,648
-I believe it's "Seven snobs a-sniping."
-Oh.
199
00:09:28,976 --> 00:09:30,309
You just snipe away.
200
00:09:30,393 --> 00:09:32,311
I take your jealousy as
the compliment that it is.
201
00:09:32,395 --> 00:09:34,479
Oh, now, if I indulge in a
little affectionate joshing,
202
00:09:34,563 --> 00:09:35,605
it doesn't mean I'm jealous.
203
00:09:35,689 --> 00:09:36,981
I'm nothing but happy for you.
204
00:09:37,065 --> 00:09:38,858
Oh, thank you, Niles.
205
00:09:39,651 --> 00:09:41,526
You know, I'm just a touch skittish today.
206
00:09:41,610 --> 00:09:43,319
All this fuss over me.
207
00:09:43,403 --> 00:09:46,613
Oh, say, is it possible
to get these two to go?
208
00:09:46,697 --> 00:09:48,781
To go? We're not due at
the Space Needle for an hour.
209
00:09:48,865 --> 00:09:51,492
Yes, well, I thought a walk
might do us some good.
210
00:09:51,576 --> 00:09:55,078
Get a little exercise, and
maybe I can stroll away my jitters.
211
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,829
Oh, all right. I could use the fresh air.
212
00:09:56,913 --> 00:09:57,997
I'm feeling a tad sluggish.
213
00:09:58,081 --> 00:10:00,331
-Oh, up late last night?
-Well, I'm afraid so.
214
00:10:00,415 --> 00:10:04,315
As usual, I left it to the last minute to
write all my Frasier Crane Day cards.
215
00:10:11,841 --> 00:10:13,467
[TROLLY BELL RINGS]
216
00:10:14,343 --> 00:10:15,718
What a lovely day.
217
00:10:15,802 --> 00:10:17,845
I'm so glad we decided to walk.
218
00:10:17,929 --> 00:10:19,095
I feel calmer already.
219
00:10:19,179 --> 00:10:20,305
Hey, Doc, way to go.
220
00:10:20,389 --> 00:10:22,223
Oh. [CHUCKLES] I'm listening.
221
00:10:24,016 --> 00:10:27,727
I just hope Dad doesn't get too
nervous about his speech today.
222
00:10:27,811 --> 00:10:29,936
I've been giving him little tips all week.
223
00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:32,689
Oh, really? As Daphne tells it,
you wrote the whole thing for him.
224
00:10:32,773 --> 00:10:34,065
Oh, I did no such thing.
225
00:10:34,149 --> 00:10:36,817
I added a bon mot or
two, tidied up the language,
226
00:10:36,901 --> 00:10:38,860
removed any questionable material.
227
00:10:38,944 --> 00:10:41,779
-There isn't a word of his left, is there?
-Not a comma.
228
00:10:41,863 --> 00:10:43,656
Oh. I'm listening!
229
00:10:44,657 --> 00:10:47,241
Here's a tip for you.
The ones with cameras are tourists.
230
00:10:47,325 --> 00:10:50,410
They have no idea who you are,
much less why you're listening.
231
00:10:50,494 --> 00:10:52,120
Oh, Niles, don't be so churlish.
232
00:10:52,204 --> 00:10:53,579
The man clearly waved at me first.
233
00:10:53,663 --> 00:10:55,331
-He didn't wave at you.
-He certainly did.
234
00:10:55,415 --> 00:10:57,082
-He was probably waving…
-I don't see why…
235
00:10:57,166 --> 00:11:00,209
He was waving for a cab to get
away from the scary listening man.
236
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:01,843
[FRASIER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
237
00:11:03,670 --> 00:11:05,755
FRASIER: Oh, I love this place.
238
00:11:05,839 --> 00:11:09,883
Here you can feel the pulse of the city.
239
00:11:09,967 --> 00:11:13,636
You know what I think when I see
all these people here bustling about?
240
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,971
"Low turnout over at Frasier Crane Day"?
241
00:11:18,098 --> 00:11:19,098
No.
242
00:11:20,183 --> 00:11:22,851
I think that they're the
reason I love this city.
243
00:11:23,894 --> 00:11:25,561
Stop waving.
244
00:11:25,645 --> 00:11:27,479
What?
There's nothing wrong with being friendly.
245
00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:29,397
Well, there is a difference
between being friendly
246
00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:31,232
and making a public spectacle of yourself.
247
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,317
[YELLS]
248
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,944
Did you see that?
That man tried to assault me with a fish!
249
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,778
Good Lord, Niles, get a grip.
250
00:11:37,862 --> 00:11:40,614
For God's sake, you become
hysterical over the littlest things.
251
00:11:40,698 --> 00:11:43,449
[GASPS] My God! My suede shoes!
252
00:11:43,533 --> 00:11:45,408
You've spilled latte all over them!
They're ruined!
253
00:11:45,492 --> 00:11:46,618
I'm sorry.
254
00:11:46,702 --> 00:11:48,370
And it was a half-caf cappuccino!
255
00:11:48,454 --> 00:11:49,913
Why can no one remember that?
256
00:11:51,247 --> 00:11:53,373
FRASIER: Well, I'll
just have to replace them.
257
00:11:53,457 --> 00:11:54,541
I'll look foolish otherwise.
258
00:11:54,625 --> 00:11:58,043
Never in my life have I heard such
caterwauling over a pair of shoes.
259
00:11:58,127 --> 00:11:59,753
I'll have you know I
spent a bundle on them.
260
00:11:59,837 --> 00:12:01,629
-They're Joan & David.
-You named them?
261
00:12:01,713 --> 00:12:02,672
Oh, shut up.
262
00:12:05,299 --> 00:12:09,426
Well, these are quite handsome,
even if they are just a bit snug.
263
00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:12,387
You can always go back. I think
there's a pair in there you didn't try on.
264
00:12:12,471 --> 00:12:14,431
Niles, we weren't in there that long.
265
00:12:15,181 --> 00:12:17,141
My God. The rally's about to start.
266
00:12:17,225 --> 00:12:19,351
Give me your phone. I'll call Roz.
267
00:12:21,436 --> 00:12:22,786
-There you go.
-Thank you.
268
00:12:24,396 --> 00:12:26,272
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
269
00:12:26,356 --> 00:12:27,190
ROZ: Hello?
270
00:12:28,233 --> 00:12:30,108
Frasier, do you know what time it is?
271
00:12:30,609 --> 00:12:31,651
Where the hell are you?
272
00:12:31,735 --> 00:12:33,611
We're on the air in two minutes.
273
00:12:33,695 --> 00:12:36,155
I'm sorry.
I was involved in a small accident.
274
00:12:37,530 --> 00:12:38,573
I'm fine.
275
00:12:38,657 --> 00:12:40,908
Just start without me. We'll take a cab.
276
00:12:40,992 --> 00:12:44,042
-Oh. We'll have better luck at the corner.
-FRASIER: Right.
277
00:12:44,370 --> 00:12:45,452
Oh, Niles, wait.
278
00:12:45,536 --> 00:12:47,622
Too many fans that way. I'll be mobbed.
279
00:12:48,498 --> 00:12:51,398
We're better off cutting over
one block through that alley.
280
00:12:53,334 --> 00:12:55,711
Frasier's running late, so I've
got to use you first, okay, Martin?
281
00:12:55,795 --> 00:12:57,504
Oh, oh, yeah, sure, okay.
282
00:12:58,421 --> 00:13:00,589
Jeez, I was hoping for a little more time.
283
00:13:00,673 --> 00:13:02,924
I haven't even looked at
the stuff Frasier wrote for me.
284
00:13:03,008 --> 00:13:07,052
ROZ: Good afternoon, everyone,
and welcome also to our radio listeners.
285
00:13:07,136 --> 00:13:09,971
I'm Roz Doyle, and
I'd like to thank you all
286
00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:13,516
for helping us congratulate
Dr. Frasier Crane!
287
00:13:14,183 --> 00:13:16,017
[CROWD CHEERING]
288
00:13:16,101 --> 00:13:18,603
ROZ: We've got a full
program for you today…
289
00:13:18,687 --> 00:13:21,354
Stop worrying.
Dr. Crane's a very good writer.
290
00:13:21,438 --> 00:13:23,981
Well, look at this.
I'm gonna die up there with this crap.
291
00:13:24,065 --> 00:13:27,150
Unfortunately, our guest
of honor has been detained,
292
00:13:27,234 --> 00:13:31,696
but we do have the next best
thing: his dad, Martin Crane.
293
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:37,616
Thanks, Roz.
294
00:13:38,325 --> 00:13:39,535
Good afternoon.
295
00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:44,205
"Twenty-two years ago,
my son Frasier came to me
296
00:13:44,289 --> 00:13:46,939
"and asked if I would put
him through medical school."
297
00:13:47,833 --> 00:13:49,583
"I agreed to pay for it"
298
00:13:49,667 --> 00:13:52,627
"but remarked, 'I should
have my head examined.' "
299
00:13:53,712 --> 00:13:57,506
"Frasier replied, 'Give me
eight years and I'll do it for you.' "
300
00:14:01,551 --> 00:14:04,302
"It was a hard eight years for Frasier,"
301
00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:06,554
"but as someone once quipped,"
302
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:10,390
'A good psychiatrist never
shrinks from a challenge.' "
303
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:12,600
[CROWD GROANING]
304
00:14:16,687 --> 00:14:18,147
Oh, jeez.
305
00:14:21,441 --> 00:14:24,091
Oh, for God's sake, Niles,
will you come out of there?
306
00:14:24,192 --> 00:14:27,527
NILES: Our mugger specifically
instructed us to wait for five minutes.
307
00:14:27,611 --> 00:14:29,780
Yes, if he'd intended
us to time it exactly,
308
00:14:29,864 --> 00:14:31,656
he wouldn't have taken our watches.
309
00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:35,200
All right, all right, calm down.
310
00:14:35,284 --> 00:14:36,868
I see you're new to this
whole mugging thing.
311
00:14:36,952 --> 00:14:38,911
I just can't believe I'm
missing my own rally. Come on.
312
00:14:38,995 --> 00:14:40,371
These shoes are killing me.
313
00:14:40,455 --> 00:14:43,332
They feel like the work of a
skilled Chinese foot binder.
314
00:14:44,791 --> 00:14:46,208
Niles, give me your phone.
315
00:14:46,292 --> 00:14:47,501
I'll have Roz send us a car.
316
00:14:47,585 --> 00:14:50,586
My phone? What do you think the mugger
was reaching into my breast pocket for?
317
00:14:50,670 --> 00:14:54,173
The one consolation is he jabbed
himself on my emergency sewing kit.
318
00:14:54,757 --> 00:14:56,007
Niles, the pay phone.
319
00:14:56,091 --> 00:14:57,925
[BUSKER PLAYING LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC]
320
00:14:58,009 --> 00:15:00,135
It's not much use to us
unless we can find a quarter.
321
00:15:00,219 --> 00:15:01,178
[COIN CLINKS]
322
00:15:05,473 --> 00:15:07,683
Niles, look.
323
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:09,600
You cannot be serious.
324
00:15:09,684 --> 00:15:11,893
-You want to rob that poor old man?
-We'll pay him back later.
325
00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:13,019
Frasier, he's blind.
326
00:15:13,103 --> 00:15:15,313
I know.
It's the first break we've had today.
327
00:15:16,064 --> 00:15:17,023
I'll distract him.
328
00:15:20,108 --> 00:15:23,777
-Good afternoon. [CHUCKLES]
-[CONTINUES PLAYING]
329
00:15:23,861 --> 00:15:24,904
Hello.
330
00:15:25,571 --> 00:15:27,030
Sounding lovely.
331
00:15:31,033 --> 00:15:32,284
Stop! Thief!
332
00:15:32,368 --> 00:15:33,619
Dear God! Run!
333
00:15:39,915 --> 00:15:42,749
BULLOG: I'd like to thank
Frasier Crane for his friendship.
334
00:15:42,833 --> 00:15:45,793
-Excuse me. Mayor Rice?
-Uh, yes.
335
00:15:45,877 --> 00:15:48,087
I have a small bone to pick with you.
336
00:15:48,171 --> 00:15:51,548
I can't say I care for the way
your city treats us poor aliens.
337
00:15:51,632 --> 00:15:52,632
Uh, you're an alien?
338
00:15:52,716 --> 00:15:53,674
DAPHNE: Yes. Daphne Moon.
339
00:15:53,758 --> 00:15:57,010
You see, my friend Xena and I…
She's an alien too.
340
00:15:57,094 --> 00:16:00,179
…we're trying to get down to Mazatlán
to rendezvous with her mother's ship.
341
00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:01,638
Her mother ship?
342
00:16:01,722 --> 00:16:04,223
Yes, and from what I
hear, it's quite spectacular.
343
00:16:04,307 --> 00:16:05,558
I'm sure it is.
344
00:16:05,642 --> 00:16:07,143
Why don't you go with these two gentlemen?
345
00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:08,727
I'm sure they can take care of you.
346
00:16:08,811 --> 00:16:10,729
Well, thank you very much.
347
00:16:10,813 --> 00:16:11,895
-Hello.
-GUARD: Hi.
348
00:16:11,979 --> 00:16:13,939
-DAPHNE: Do you two work for the mayor?
-Of course.
349
00:16:14,023 --> 00:16:17,275
I suppose I should know that already.
You see, I'm a bit psychic.
350
00:16:18,193 --> 00:16:19,943
Oh, ow, ow, ow!
351
00:16:20,027 --> 00:16:22,362
Stop, Niles! Stop, Niles. [GROANS]
352
00:16:22,446 --> 00:16:24,697
Oh, I can't go on any longer.
353
00:16:24,781 --> 00:16:26,282
My feet are killing me.
354
00:16:26,366 --> 00:16:27,240
We lost them.
355
00:16:27,324 --> 00:16:29,826
Most of them dropped
out after the first corner,
356
00:16:29,910 --> 00:16:32,161
but that short one with the
pigtails was a regular gazelle.
357
00:16:32,245 --> 00:16:33,413
FRASIER: Yes!
358
00:16:34,205 --> 00:16:35,413
Look!
359
00:16:35,497 --> 00:16:37,956
It's even farther away than it was before.
360
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,083
Frasier, the monorail.
361
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:42,961
-It goes to the Space Needle.
-Let's go!
362
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:50,425
WOMAN [OVER PA]:
Welcome to the Seattle Monorail.
363
00:16:51,008 --> 00:16:52,676
Do you think anyone saw us sneaking on?
364
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,160
No, I think we're all right.
365
00:16:54,761 --> 00:16:56,970
I hate to say it, but
it was sort of exciting
366
00:16:57,054 --> 00:16:58,514
flouting the law like that.
367
00:16:59,223 --> 00:17:03,100
Gives you some idea of why outlaws
have always been such romantic figures.
368
00:17:03,184 --> 00:17:04,893
Perhaps you might have
cut a more dashing figure
369
00:17:04,977 --> 00:17:08,427
had you vaulted over the turnstile
rather than crawling underneath it.
370
00:17:09,313 --> 00:17:12,566
I'm surprised the trains are even
running on Frasier Crane Day.
371
00:17:14,776 --> 00:17:16,068
Yes, well, with any luck,
372
00:17:16,152 --> 00:17:18,904
we'll still catch the last
20 minutes of the rally.
373
00:17:19,904 --> 00:17:22,454
Though how I'll explain
my lateness, I have no idea.
374
00:17:22,782 --> 00:17:25,701
Certainly can't tell them
about the fish, the little girls.
375
00:17:26,702 --> 00:17:29,602
I'll have to make something up, I suppose.
Any suggestions?
376
00:17:30,455 --> 00:17:31,455
The train stopped.
377
00:17:32,164 --> 00:17:35,540
-That's not very original.
-No, Frasier, the train stopped.
378
00:17:35,624 --> 00:17:38,209
BULLDOG: …counsels
people to be open about it…
379
00:17:38,293 --> 00:17:39,668
Good Lord, what's going on?
380
00:17:39,752 --> 00:17:41,295
Excuse me, what's happening?
381
00:17:41,379 --> 00:17:44,130
There's an electrical problem ahead.
We're going back to Westlake.
382
00:17:44,214 --> 00:17:46,882
What? But those people are waiting for me.
383
00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:48,133
Oh, they're so close.
384
00:17:48,217 --> 00:17:50,093
I guess it just isn't your day.
385
00:17:50,177 --> 00:17:51,386
But it is my day.
386
00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:54,304
Don't panic, Frasier.
387
00:17:54,388 --> 00:17:56,140
Oh… Don't panic?
388
00:17:57,015 --> 00:17:58,891
Yes, why should I have
any reason to panic?
389
00:17:58,975 --> 00:18:01,142
My God, I'm only gonna miss
a celebration in my own honor,
390
00:18:01,226 --> 00:18:02,936
making me a laughingstock forever.
391
00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:05,646
And why?
Because you spilled coffee on my shoes.
392
00:18:05,730 --> 00:18:07,147
You're blaming me?
393
00:18:07,231 --> 00:18:08,564
If you had the gripping ability
394
00:18:08,648 --> 00:18:10,817
every species above the
tree sloth was born with…
395
00:18:10,901 --> 00:18:13,235
Perhaps you should think
back on the 45 minutes
396
00:18:13,319 --> 00:18:16,112
you and your ego spent in that shoe
store trying on every pair of shoes,
397
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,696
including the ones the
manager was wearing.
398
00:18:17,780 --> 00:18:20,448
-Are you calling me vain?
-If the Joan & David fits!
399
00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:21,491
-For God's sake.
-Oh! Oh!
400
00:18:21,575 --> 00:18:25,870
-The moment you left the cradle…
-I'm amazed a head that size fits in…
401
00:18:31,665 --> 00:18:33,876
I don't even know why I'm yelling at you.
402
00:18:34,918 --> 00:18:38,336
I guess I'm just trying to blame you
because I don't want to face the truth.
403
00:18:38,420 --> 00:18:40,923
I'm a big fat phony.
404
00:18:43,090 --> 00:18:44,467
I wanted my day.
405
00:18:46,218 --> 00:18:48,303
I wanted hoopla and fuss.
406
00:18:49,887 --> 00:18:52,389
I practically planned
the whole thing myself.
407
00:18:52,473 --> 00:18:53,722
You did?
408
00:18:53,806 --> 00:18:54,766
Yes.
409
00:18:55,975 --> 00:18:58,602
Says a lot about me as
a psychiatrist, doesn't it?
410
00:19:00,479 --> 00:19:02,271
I'm a small man.
411
00:19:03,648 --> 00:19:07,526
Well, what does it say about me that I
was happy seeing you miss your day?
412
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,360
-You were?
-Of course.
413
00:19:10,444 --> 00:19:12,153
I've been jealous of you all week.
414
00:19:13,363 --> 00:19:15,156
I'm a tiny man.
415
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,865
Next to me, you're a giant.
416
00:19:16,949 --> 00:19:20,075
-I stare up at your ankles.
-I'd need a stepladder just to…
417
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,369
Oh, let's not do this.
418
00:19:24,829 --> 00:19:26,581
You shouldn't feel guilty, Frasier.
419
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:28,248
Everyone deserves a fuss.
420
00:19:28,332 --> 00:19:29,250
You above all.
421
00:19:30,709 --> 00:19:32,501
You've helped a lot of people.
422
00:19:32,585 --> 00:19:34,711
They deserve a chance to thank you for it.
423
00:19:36,547 --> 00:19:37,506
Thank you, Niles.
424
00:19:43,552 --> 00:19:45,386
ROZ [OVER MICROPHONE]:
Dr. Crane is on his way.
425
00:19:45,470 --> 00:19:47,179
He should be here any minute.
426
00:19:50,515 --> 00:19:51,558
There it goes.
427
00:19:54,309 --> 00:19:55,394
Goodbye, fuss.
428
00:19:58,521 --> 00:19:59,897
Goodbye, day.
429
00:20:07,987 --> 00:20:10,404
I hesitate to say this,
but you still have time…
430
00:20:10,488 --> 00:20:13,448
Stop it. Don't you dare get my hopes up.
431
00:20:14,157 --> 00:20:15,949
That ship has sailed.
432
00:20:16,033 --> 00:20:17,784
That fat lady has…
433
00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:21,162
-Taxi! Taxi! Taxi!
-Taxi! Taxi! Tax…
434
00:20:21,246 --> 00:20:22,247
Oh, damn.
435
00:20:23,539 --> 00:20:24,498
I give up.
436
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,833
Well, I don't. This is your day,
437
00:20:26,917 --> 00:20:29,418
and if I can get you there
for a curtain call, I will.
438
00:20:29,502 --> 00:20:30,919
I still have the blind man's quarter.
439
00:20:31,003 --> 00:20:33,796
-Stay here. I'm going to call a cab.
-Thank you, Niles.
440
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,422
You're a good brother.
441
00:20:35,506 --> 00:20:38,841
-Hey, I hear you yelling for a cab?
-Yes!
442
00:20:38,925 --> 00:20:40,510
I can take you if you want.
443
00:20:40,594 --> 00:20:41,844
-Are you serious?
-Yeah.
444
00:20:41,928 --> 00:20:44,638
Niles, Niles, let's go! Come on… Ugh.
445
00:20:49,017 --> 00:20:51,434
-What about your friend?
-Oh, he'll be all right.
446
00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:53,103
He's got street smarts.
447
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:56,188
-Well, where are we going?
-Oh, the Space Needle, please.
448
00:20:56,272 --> 00:20:58,981
DRIVER: No problem.
Should be there in five minutes.
449
00:20:59,065 --> 00:21:01,715
FRASIER: That's the first
good news I've had all day.
450
00:21:02,610 --> 00:21:05,486
-I'm having a pretty rough day myself.
-Oh?
451
00:21:05,570 --> 00:21:09,822
Yeah, my ex-wife is
getting remarried tomorrow.
452
00:21:09,906 --> 00:21:11,366
In Pennsylvania.
453
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,159
You going to that rally over there?
454
00:21:14,243 --> 00:21:15,786
Oh, as a matter of fact, I am.
455
00:21:16,745 --> 00:21:20,414
I told her I'd come to the wedding,
but I've been getting cold feet.
456
00:21:20,956 --> 00:21:22,666
I'd better make up my mind soon, though.
457
00:21:22,750 --> 00:21:24,334
My plane leaves in a few hours.
458
00:21:25,126 --> 00:21:28,526
They don't give you any bargains
on those last-minute tickets either.
459
00:21:29,379 --> 00:21:31,255
Oh, maybe this isn't the
best time to tell you this,
460
00:21:31,339 --> 00:21:33,758
but I'll have to… owe you for this ride.
461
00:21:36,092 --> 00:21:37,260
Don't worry about it.
462
00:21:39,928 --> 00:21:42,930
We probably never should have
gotten married in the first place.
463
00:21:43,014 --> 00:21:45,850
We were young.
Had a few good years, though.
464
00:21:46,475 --> 00:21:48,685
Well, that's something, at least.
465
00:21:49,770 --> 00:21:52,062
At least the kids are
gonna be there tomorrow.
466
00:21:52,146 --> 00:21:53,147
Kids?
467
00:21:53,772 --> 00:21:54,856
A son and a daughter.
468
00:21:56,024 --> 00:21:57,357
I don't see them much.
469
00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:59,541
They went with their mom when we divorced.
470
00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:04,113
Of course, I think I'm more
excited about seeing them
471
00:22:04,197 --> 00:22:05,697
than they are about seeing me.
472
00:22:06,990 --> 00:22:08,408
Why would you say that?
473
00:22:09,325 --> 00:22:10,409
Just a feeling.
474
00:22:11,661 --> 00:22:14,911
I didn't make much of my life back
when Marie and I were together.
475
00:22:15,914 --> 00:22:17,289
I turned it around, though.
476
00:22:17,373 --> 00:22:18,540
I own this car.
477
00:22:18,624 --> 00:22:19,958
Well, it's, uh…
478
00:22:21,292 --> 00:22:22,335
It's a nice one.
479
00:22:23,419 --> 00:22:25,503
You know what the hardest part is?
480
00:22:25,587 --> 00:22:28,755
If I do go, I'll have to see my in-laws.
481
00:22:28,839 --> 00:22:30,966
They were never too crazy about me.
482
00:22:31,841 --> 00:22:33,426
This new guy Marie is marrying,
483
00:22:33,510 --> 00:22:35,302
he's supposed to be
some kind of big success.
484
00:22:35,386 --> 00:22:37,436
I don't know what I'd say to any of them.
485
00:22:38,430 --> 00:22:41,974
Part of me thinks I'd just be better
off leaving the whole thing alone.
486
00:22:43,058 --> 00:22:44,393
And part of you doesn't.
487
00:22:45,435 --> 00:22:46,852
I would like to see my kids,
488
00:22:47,978 --> 00:22:50,028
especially now they're getting a new dad.
489
00:22:51,981 --> 00:22:53,107
Hell of a choice, huh?
490
00:22:53,191 --> 00:22:57,902
Well, you know, sometimes difficult
choices like these can be good things.
491
00:22:59,987 --> 00:23:02,072
They can teach us about who we are.
492
00:23:10,954 --> 00:23:13,122
Well, I've bent your
ear enough about this.
493
00:23:14,081 --> 00:23:15,207
Besides, we're here.
494
00:23:16,250 --> 00:23:18,751
No, don't worry about me.
I've got plenty of time.
495
00:23:19,335 --> 00:23:20,794
Tell me more about your kids.
496
00:23:22,462 --> 00:23:23,422
All right.
497
00:23:25,297 --> 00:23:26,382
I'm John, by the way.
498
00:23:27,341 --> 00:23:28,341
I'm Frasier.
499
00:23:29,134 --> 00:23:32,136
[BAND PLAYING "WHEN THE
SAINTS GO MARCHING IN"]
500
00:23:40,392 --> 00:23:41,392
Whoo!
501
00:23:41,476 --> 00:23:43,617
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪
502
00:23:43,701 --> 00:23:45,562
♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
503
00:23:45,646 --> 00:23:46,771
♪ Make 'em scrambled ♪
504
00:23:46,855 --> 00:23:48,230
Yeah! Whoo!
505
00:23:48,314 --> 00:23:50,187
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused
506
00:23:50,271 --> 00:23:52,609
♪ Well, yeah, maybe,
but I got you pegged ♪
507
00:23:52,693 --> 00:23:53,818
Yeah!
508
00:23:53,902 --> 00:23:56,862
-♪ Salads, scrambled eggs ♪
-♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
509
00:23:56,946 --> 00:24:02,115
♪ With those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
510
00:24:02,199 --> 00:24:05,159
-♪ They're callin' again ♪
-♪ Scrambled eggs ♪
511
00:24:05,243 --> 00:24:07,120
So long, Seattle! We love you!