[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, Roz, how are you?
Still pregnant.
Look, I…
I'm sorry about last night.
I tried to apologize, but you ran out of the party so fast.
Oh, I'm sorry. Was that rude? You know more about etiquette than I do.
What is the proper length of time you should stay
after someone announces to a hundred strangers that you got knocked up?
-I tried to call. -I know. I wasn't answering.
I was up all night thinking about what I wanna do.
Yes. A decision of that magnitude would take many sleepless…
-I'm having the baby. -…hours to make.
Are you sure, Roz?
I know it seems quick, but even when I was hoping I wasn't pregnant,
I knew, if I was, I was keeping the baby.
Well, then, let me be the first to congratulate you.
-Oh, thanks. -Oh, Roz. Oh, God, it's so wonderful!
You'll make a great mom.
Well, I did the first step well, and I wasn't even trying.
-Have you told the father? -Yes.
I called him at nine o'clock this morning,
which was seven o'clock at night Cairo time.
Is that pertinent, or are you dazzling me with your command of time zones?
Yes. He's gone to Cairo for a project. He's an architect.
Oh, wow.
Really? When's he coming back?
He isn't.
That's fine with me.
I'm comfortable raising this child by myself.
And I'm sure everybody around here will give you plenty of support.
So, Roz, who's the proud papa? You got it narrowed down yet?
-That's nice. Very nice. -Ah!
-Frasier, would you excuse us? -Yes. Of course.
Just remember the baby's future, Roz. Try to make it look like an accident.
Look, I was just kidding. I'm sure you know who the dad is.
Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Do you remember Janet's party a couple of months ago?
You got really drunk, and I drove you home?
Yeah. What about it?
You invited me up, and I guess I'd had a few myself,
because the next thing I know…
No, I don't believe this. I don't even remember us…
-Oh, calm down. -No, come on. Just tell me you're joking.
-We don't have to get married right away. -Oh, man. Oh, man.
I thought you'd be happy about this. I mean, we were wonderful together.
When you made love to me, you were so tender and caring.
Ah! Oh! Whoa! Whoa! Ha!
Tender and caring? No way was that me!
Yeah. You almost had me. Good one, Roz.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Someone at the door.
Really? So that's what that funny chiming sound means.
I'm indisposed. Would you mind?
Oh, sure. Sorry, Daph. Hang on! She's coming!
You take it easy. Rest up for that big trek to the dinner table.
Hello, Dr. Crane.
Daphne, before I even come in,
I just have to say I am mortified about my behavior last night.
I don't know what got into me.
About a quart of vodka, for starters.
There's no need for an apology.
I thought what you did was very chivalrous.
Well, I believe if a woman finds herself in such a predicament,
a man of honor has an obligation to do the right thing.
And now poor Roz is in that predicament.
Do I smell chicken?
Yes. We'll be serving dinner as soon as Roz gets here.
I didn't think she should be alone.
How's she doing?
Well, okay, considering she's decided to have the child herself.
Boy, things have sure changed since my day.
Back then, if a girl got in trouble,
her family would ship her off to relatives in another state,
and if anybody asked, they lied and said she went to Europe.
Then when she came back, they'd raise the baby as a little sister.
Not like today.
We had morals and values back then.
I assumed I'd have children,
but if Maris and I don't reconcile soon, the issue will be moot.
She's a tad older than I am, and her biological clock is winding down.
Luckily, she flies to Zurich twice a year to have it reset.
Babies are wonderful, but Roz does have a rough road ahead of her.
It can never be easy balancing a career with motherhood.
The big question is, where will she find a husband?
A little kid needs a mother and a father.
-[DOORBELL RINGS] -That's Roz.
Now remember, she came to have a relaxing dinner,
not to be reminded of the difficult situation that she's in.
We'll just take our cue from her.
If she doesn't bring it up, we won't discuss it. Agreed?
-All right. -Yeah, all right.
Daphne, you may answer the door.
Well, thank you.
Why don't I get a feather duster and a French maid's uniform?
That would teach them, wouldn't it? I would pick it out for you.
-DAPHNE: Hello, Roz. -Hey, Daphne.
-FRASIER: Hi, Roz! [LAUGHS] -Hey, Roz.
Dinner's almost ready. Just make yourself comfortable.
ROZ: Okay.
So…
That's such a cute skirt.
Thanks. I just got it.
I just got these pants.
They're nice.
I got some interesting news last night.
Well, I and a large portion of Seattle found out I was pregnant.
Don't you wanna ask me about it?
Yes, of course we do, but we were told not to.
Yeah. Frasier's afraid we might make you uncomfortable.
Oh, that's silly. I wanna talk about it.
I'm really excited. I'm gonna be a mom.
I've got a lot to do. One thing I've gotta get pronto…
A husband.
I was gonna say a bigger apartment.
Oh. Oh.
Maybe the husband will have one.
So how did the father take it when you told him?
Don't worry. She brought it up.
He took it very well. He won't be that involved, though.
He moved to Cairo.
Where would he have moved to if he'd taken it badly?
No, he's working in Cairo on a project.
-He's an archaeologist. -Oh.
Roz, why don't we get you something to drink?
-All right. Do you have any mineral water? -Eight kinds. Come and pick one.
He's got room for eight kinds of water in that fridge,
and I have to keep my can of spray cheese under the sink.
You know, this morning, you told me the father was an architect.
I did? Oh, well, that was a slip of the tongue.
Ah. Well…
-And, uh, how did you two meet again? -In a bar.
-You told me it was on a double date. -That's right, it was on a double date.
You told me nothing!
What is going on, Roz? You're obviously hiding something.
Niles, please, would you excuse us?
Oh. By all means. I just came in to open a bottle of wine. Sorry.
What's going on? Is it that you don't know who the father is?
-Of course I know. -Why don't you tell me?
Because…
I haven't even told him yet.
Oh.
I'm not sure I'm going to tell him. It's a little complicated.
I don't care who he is, but the man has a right to know he's having a child.
This really isn't any of your business.
Well, it's certainly his business.
You have an obligation to let this man know you're having his baby.
Niles, do you mind?
It's impossible to have a private conversation with you eavesdropping.
I don't know what you're talking about, but I resent the implication
that I have nothing better to do than spy on you like a teenager.
I came in for a corkscrew.
Oh, Niles, I… I'm sorry.
All I could get was she hasn't told the father.
-Double latte, please. -Coming right up. I'll bring it to you.
Thank you.
-Morning, Roz. -Frasier? What are you doing here?
It must be a shock to find me here in this place
that I come to every day of my life.
You had a dental appointment.
-Yes, I rescheduled it for tomorrow. -Thanks for telling me.
-What's going on? -All right. I came here to talk to him.
-You mean… -The father. Yes.
-Really? I'm proud of you. -ROZ: Mm-hm.
-Thank you. Now get out of here. -Just a second.
-May I have that to go, please? -Sure, Dr. Crane.
-Thank you. -Roz, how are you doing?
-Good, Rick. You? -RICK: Great.
-What can I get you? -I'll have a decaf, thanks.
-Be right back. -Thank you.
-He's a nice kid, Rick. -Yes, he is.
-Working to put himself through school. -Yes, he is.
-He's the father, isn't he? -Yes, he is.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
The father of your child is a teenager?
Of course he's not a teenager anymore.
He had a birthday three weeks ago.
Look, uh, we just went out for a couple of weeks, and then it was over.
-There were no hard feelings. -Hmm.
It's embarrassing, though, him being seven years younger than I am.
Oh, put your eyebrows down.
I've seen your driver's license, and you don't weigh no 170.
Now you know what I'm talking about. I don't wanna ruin his whole life.
-He still has a right to know. -I know that.
-It's not gonna be easy. -Yes.
When you were in college, if a woman told you she was carrying your child,
wouldn't you have been devastated?
In my case, I would have been mystified.
How do I even begin to tell him?
With something like that, it's never easy.
So, Roz, what made you switch to decaf?
Then again, sometimes a natural opening does present itself.
Just trying to stay healthy.
Listen, Rick, I called this morning, and your number wasn't working.
-I'm not in the dorms. -Really? Did you get your own place?
No, I moved back in with my parents.
Frasier, is that your dad waving to you?
Right. Like my dad's over there waving to me. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, my dad's over there waving to me. Excuse me.
So… you look incredible.
-I do? -Yeah.
So, Dad, what brings you here?
Sherry took her sister across the street to buy some foundation garments.
I think they call them bras now.
Not these, you don't.
You could cross the River Kwai on one of those babies.
-So I have something to tell you. -Oh, I've got some news too.
Remember me telling you about that junior-year-abroad program?
-Yeah. -I'm in.
I am leaving next week and spending the rest of the year in Paris.
-Congratulations. I'm so happy for you. -Thanks. It's like,
first my soccer team wins the championship,
then I ace my finals, and now I'm going to Paris.
I'm starting to think, what's next?
Funny you should ask.
I'm telling you, there's something in my eye.
-I don't see anything. -Are you sure?
I don't see anything.
-You're not looking. -FRASIER: All right!
No, don't touch!
Look, Dad, I've got to go talk to Roz.
Go to the men's room and rinse it with cold water.
I'm glad I worked all those extra shifts to put you through medical school.
It really paid off.
-Roz? -Don't worry, I told him.
How did he take it?
Well, he was pretty freaked out, actually.
I assured him I didn't need anything from him
and that I was going to raise this baby by myself.
-Hmm. -ROZ: Anyway, he's gonna be fine.
-I'm late for a doctor's appointment. -Are you all right?
-Yeah, I guess so. -Can I take you to dinner tonight?
-Oh, that would be nice. Thanks. -Okay.
-I'll see you later. -Bye.
I can't stand these yuppie joints.
Some bozo went through the bathroom correcting the grammar in the graffiti.
-Yes, I noticed that. -Yeah.
-Who'd have that much time on his hands? -Unbelievable.
-It was Niles, wasn't it? -I'll talk to him again.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
It's open, Frasier.
I'm sorry. Uh, I should have called first.
No, that's all right. I'm just surprised to see you.
Well, I'm surprised to be here myself.
Well, come in.
Thanks.
-Oh. These are for you. -Thanks.
There was a card, but it blew off on my way over. I rode my bike.
I acted like an idiot.
-It's okay. -No, it's not.
I mean, when you told me,
all I could think about was myself and how it was going to affect me.
But once I calmed down,
I started thinking about you and the, uh…
-The… Yeah. -The baby.
So that's the other reason I'm here.
I'm not going to Paris.
I'm quitting school. I'm gonna work at the café full-time.
So you've come to tell me you've lost your mind.
No, I came here to ask you to marry me.
Oh, Rick.
That's so… wrong.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Roz, will you marry me?
No, no, the proposal was fine. It was absolutely lovely.
-It's just that we can't. -No, please.
Don't say no yet.
I have been thinking about this all afternoon.
And I could fall in love with you.
I could be a good husband, a good father.
Rick, that's the whole point of being 20. You could be anything.
I'm much older than you are. I am things.
I know what you're saying, but I'm not too young for this.
My mom was only 17 when she had me.
-Your mother's only 37 years old? -Yeah.
And would you two hit it off. I mean, you guys have a lot in common.
-Actually, you even look alike. -Stop right there.
Listen, your proposal was so sweet.
-It's my first one, actually. -Mine too.
Ohh.
You're so…
I hope that you can understand why I can't possibly marry you.
When I get married, it's gonna be to someone I love
and someone who loves me,
and someone who can legally drink champagne at my wedding.
Okay.
I understand.
-So is this… -Yeah. This is the sonogram picture.
-I got it this morning. Right there. -Wow, that dot's my kid.
No, that dot's just a dot. That dot's your kid.
You can have it if you want.
Thank you.
I can send you photos, updates, that sort of thing, if you like.
I would like that. Yeah, very much.
-Roz, are you sure… -Yeah, I'm sure.
I think this is the right thing, for you and for me.
Now, go.
Go to Paris. Go learn. Go have fun. Just don't come back wearing a beret.
Okay.
-Take care of yourself. -You too.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
I said, go!
FRASIER: But I just got here!
I'm sorry, Frasier. Come in.
I ran into Rick in the hall.
Yeah. He asked me to marry him.
I said no.
-That was very sweet of him. -[KETTLE WHISTLES]
-I was just making tea. You want some? -Sure, thanks.
With milk, please.
Well, you've had quite a day, haven't you?
-You all right? -I'm fine.
You know, it's okay to not be fine.
Well, is it okay just to be okay?
Yeah, sure.
Thanks, Roz.
Oh. Oh, this milk's expired.
Oh, whoa. It has.
It's all right. I can drink the tea straight.
I had no idea I let this milk expire.
It's really all right, Roz.
I can't take this.
Damn it, how did I let this happen?
Are we still talking about the milk?
Don't you see? Milk is a staple.
I let a staple go bad! Good mothers don't let staples go bad.
How can I be responsible for a child when I can't even keep fresh milk in the house?
Kids need milk!
Roz, if it helps, kids don't drink milk for the first year.
See? I didn't even know that!
I didn't know that till I was a parent.
Don't you understand? I have to know everything.
You could know half of everything. You could know about the milk.
Lilith could know about the booties.
You never met Lilith, did you?
Come here.
Just forget the milk and forget the tea and talk to me.
I don't even know where to start.
Everything in my life is about to change. My body, my love life…
Yes, but it's also going to change in fantastic ways.
I remember the first night I brought Frederick home from the hospital.
You put this tiny thing into a tiny little bed…
…and you look around and you realize that the entire house has changed.
I know. I want that.
But, God, the responsibility.
Well, yes, yeah, but it's all worth it.
You get to share your life with a remarkable little creature
who only lives in the present,
runs around naked without the slightest bit of shame.
Can entertain himself for hours just staring at a shiny object.
Isn't that wonderful?
Isn't that Bulldog?
Well, technically, yes.
Roz, I'm gonna tell you something I didn't find out until I became a father.
You don't just love your children.
You fall in love with them.
It's that same rush,
that same overwhelming desire to see them, to hold them,
bore other people to tears with every detail about them.
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna have a baby.
Someone who's gonna call out for Mom, and it's gonna be me.
I'm really scared.
What if I can't do this by myself?
But, Roz, you're not all by yourself.
I'm here.
Oh, thank you, Frasier.
I'll be available in whatever way you wish,
from taking you out to dinner tonight to that moment in the delivery room
when you say, "Welcome to the world," little Jimmy or little Sally or…
Dare I hope, little Frasier.
-Oh, my God, I think I'm gonna be sick. -I did get carried away.
-No, I mean I'm gonna hurl. -Oh, dear God. I'll wait here.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪
♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
Quite stylish.
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
♪ They're callin' again ♪
Good night!