1 00:00:02,321 --> 00:00:04,323 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:09,578 --> 00:00:11,287 Go ahead, Tom. I'm listening. 3 00:00:11,371 --> 00:00:14,706 TOM: Hi, Doctor Crane. Uh, it's about my girlfriend. 4 00:00:14,790 --> 00:00:17,209 My problem is, I don't know if I love her for herself 5 00:00:17,293 --> 00:00:19,920 or because things are so great between us physically. 6 00:00:20,004 --> 00:00:22,631 -How long have you two been together? -Six years. 7 00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:27,552 And the sex is still that good? 8 00:00:29,929 --> 00:00:34,224 Oh, man, Dr. Crane, every morning, night, three times a day on weekends. 9 00:00:34,308 --> 00:00:36,309 I'm not sure we have much else in common. 10 00:00:36,393 --> 00:00:39,104 Well, common interests are of course the foundations of… 11 00:00:39,188 --> 00:00:40,481 Three times, you say? 12 00:00:42,940 --> 00:00:44,233 Is that abnormal? 13 00:00:44,317 --> 00:00:47,236 Well, no, no, it's not abnormal. 14 00:00:48,237 --> 00:00:50,087 It's not fair, but it's not abnormal. 15 00:00:52,199 --> 00:00:55,702 Perhaps you share more things than you think you do, actually. 16 00:00:55,786 --> 00:00:58,121 -[PHONE RINGS] -I'll tell you what, try this: 17 00:00:58,205 --> 00:01:01,665 Why don't you pick up a catalog from the local university, go through it with her, 18 00:01:01,749 --> 00:01:04,167 and see if there are any courses you'd like to take together. 19 00:01:04,251 --> 00:01:07,587 That's a good idea. Thanks, Doc. Have a great weekend. 20 00:01:07,671 --> 00:01:10,571 Well, I'd wish you the same, but it hardly seems necessary. 21 00:01:12,133 --> 00:01:13,926 Well, that's it for today, Seattle. 22 00:01:14,010 --> 00:01:17,472 This is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you all good mental health. 23 00:01:18,223 --> 00:01:19,514 Niles called from the airport. 24 00:01:19,598 --> 00:01:22,434 He wants you to call him back. He sounded frantic. 25 00:01:22,518 --> 00:01:24,144 I'll call him from the car. 26 00:01:24,228 --> 00:01:26,646 Yes, he's flying to a conference in Switzerland. 27 00:01:26,730 --> 00:01:29,857 -I promised to talk him through it. -Well, surely he's flown before. 28 00:01:29,941 --> 00:01:32,193 -Well, not coach. -Oh. 29 00:01:35,655 --> 00:01:38,698 Roz, is this the dress you're wearing to the wedding? 30 00:01:38,782 --> 00:01:40,658 I have to. I'm a bridesmaid. 31 00:01:40,742 --> 00:01:43,035 Is there a reason it has to be so… 32 00:01:43,119 --> 00:01:44,245 Hideous? 33 00:01:44,329 --> 00:01:45,496 It's supposed to be. 34 00:01:45,580 --> 00:01:49,208 So that way the bride, by comparison, will glow. 35 00:01:50,626 --> 00:01:53,671 Next to this baby, she'll light up like a bug zapper. 36 00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:57,214 You know, of all my friends in Wisconsin, 37 00:01:57,298 --> 00:01:59,967 this girl's the last one I thought would beat me to the altar. 38 00:02:00,051 --> 00:02:02,595 Not the dairy state's comeliest chunk of cheddar? 39 00:02:03,721 --> 00:02:06,014 Let's just say she works in her father's ice cream parlor 40 00:02:06,098 --> 00:02:08,058 and she eats her mistakes. 41 00:02:09,017 --> 00:02:10,643 The groom's family makes cones. 42 00:02:10,727 --> 00:02:13,021 Oh, well, we don't need Freud for that, do we? 43 00:02:14,522 --> 00:02:17,733 Oh, the whole thing is just so depressing. 44 00:02:17,817 --> 00:02:23,738 Lately everyone I know is settling down, getting married, having children. 45 00:02:23,822 --> 00:02:25,281 What am I doing wrong? 46 00:02:25,365 --> 00:02:28,493 Well, do you want me to answer as a friend or a therapist? 47 00:02:28,577 --> 00:02:29,911 As a friend. 48 00:02:29,995 --> 00:02:30,995 See a therapist. 49 00:02:31,079 --> 00:02:32,079 Frasier… 50 00:02:33,122 --> 00:02:36,291 Well, Roz, I think your whole problem stems from some unresolved issues 51 00:02:36,375 --> 00:02:39,085 that cause you to choose the men you date. 52 00:02:39,169 --> 00:02:44,590 Always flashy and superficial, offering no prospect of a lasting relationship. 53 00:02:44,674 --> 00:02:46,175 Why would I do that? 54 00:02:46,259 --> 00:02:49,304 Maybe fear of commitment, fear of being hurt. 55 00:02:49,929 --> 00:02:53,264 But maybe it's time you started looking at different kinds of men. 56 00:02:53,348 --> 00:02:55,098 You know, men who are more settled. 57 00:02:55,350 --> 00:02:57,978 A little less flash and more substance. 58 00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:00,729 You're probably right, Frasier. 59 00:03:00,813 --> 00:03:03,023 You know, if I were smart, I'd go out with the next guy I see 60 00:03:03,107 --> 00:03:05,026 I'm not the least bit attracted to. 61 00:03:08,446 --> 00:03:11,746 Roz, Roz, I just bit my tongue. Can you kiss it and make it better? 62 00:03:12,741 --> 00:03:14,034 The next one after him. 63 00:03:15,577 --> 00:03:18,036 Oh, Doc, Doc, here's my video camera. 64 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,454 Oh, thank you, Bulldog. 65 00:03:19,538 --> 00:03:22,040 -What you need it for? -Well, I'm gonna record my father. 66 00:03:22,124 --> 00:03:24,334 I wanna have his life on tape, so that Frederick can enjoy it 67 00:03:24,418 --> 00:03:26,419 -in the years to come. -ROZ: What a good idea. 68 00:03:26,503 --> 00:03:29,463 Whoa! That's the ugliest thing I ever saw! 69 00:03:29,547 --> 00:03:31,715 -I'm going to a wedding. -Oh, I love weddings. 70 00:03:31,799 --> 00:03:34,593 Never been to a wedding where I didn't bag at least one bridesmaid. 71 00:03:34,677 --> 00:03:37,877 And the uglier the dress, the quicker they wanna get out of them. 72 00:03:38,597 --> 00:03:40,933 This one would hit the floor before the rice. 73 00:03:43,435 --> 00:03:44,644 I gotta get going. 74 00:03:44,728 --> 00:03:47,521 Can you believe I actually have to be seen in public in this thing? 75 00:03:47,605 --> 00:03:49,106 Well, Roz, it's only for a few hours. 76 00:03:49,190 --> 00:03:52,276 After that, you can donate it to the Salvation Army 77 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,153 and one day make some Irish drag queen very happy. 78 00:04:01,743 --> 00:04:04,494 NILES: What's the point of Switzerland without spending a day on the slopes? 79 00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:08,165 So I ducked out of the conference and who should I run into but Maris. 80 00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:12,419 She'd just flown in for her yearly goat placenta treatments. 81 00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:17,090 Good Lord, is it placenta treatment time again already? 82 00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:19,884 We had a set-to on the slopes. 83 00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:23,762 She ran. I tried to follow her tracks in the snow, but, alas, she made none. 84 00:04:27,391 --> 00:04:28,892 Oh, dear. 85 00:04:28,976 --> 00:04:31,477 -What is it? What's the matter? -I just spotted someone. 86 00:04:31,561 --> 00:04:33,645 It's my least favorite patient. 87 00:04:33,729 --> 00:04:36,899 The man is a compulsive womanizer. He goes through so many women, 88 00:04:36,983 --> 00:04:40,985 he calls them all by the same odious nickname, "sunshine," to avoid slip-ups. 89 00:04:41,069 --> 00:04:42,486 Oh, God. 90 00:04:42,570 --> 00:04:45,364 Frasier, what do you do when you don't like a patient? 91 00:04:45,448 --> 00:04:47,701 Well, it's a tricky subject, isn't it? 92 00:04:48,326 --> 00:04:49,368 How long you been seeing him? 93 00:04:49,452 --> 00:04:51,578 Six months. We've made no progress whatsoever. 94 00:04:51,662 --> 00:04:54,662 Sometimes I feel he comes in not so much for help as to brag. 95 00:04:55,791 --> 00:05:00,127 He claims to have been with, at last count, 150 women. 96 00:05:00,211 --> 00:05:03,255 Oh, please, 150… 97 00:05:03,339 --> 00:05:06,676 As if anything over, say, seven weren't absurd. 98 00:05:09,011 --> 00:05:12,180 Well, I would say 11, but I get your point. 99 00:05:16,893 --> 00:05:20,146 Oh, now serving 151. 100 00:05:21,397 --> 00:05:24,274 [GASPS] Oh, God, he's here to see Roz? 101 00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,777 Yes, well, no doubt they met when Sealy Posturepedic named them 102 00:05:26,861 --> 00:05:28,261 "Man and Woman of the Year." 103 00:05:29,487 --> 00:05:31,238 Niles, you don't understand. 104 00:05:31,322 --> 00:05:33,115 She's been very vulnerable lately. 105 00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:35,117 Oh, I hope you'll forgive me if I don't stick around. 106 00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:36,952 I'd like to leave before she makes introductions. 107 00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:38,370 I've got to warn her. 108 00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:39,955 Warn her, how? 109 00:05:40,914 --> 00:05:43,208 What I told you was in strict confidence, therapist-to-therapist. 110 00:05:43,292 --> 00:05:44,501 -You can't go repeating it. -But… 111 00:05:44,585 --> 00:05:46,669 -No. -Well, oh, all right, all right, 112 00:05:46,753 --> 00:05:48,253 of course you're right. But… 113 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:52,174 That is the last man that Roz should be with. 114 00:05:52,258 --> 00:05:54,158 Don't worry. Knowing Roz, he won't be. 115 00:05:56,428 --> 00:05:58,930 -Hey, Frasier. -Oh, Roz. 116 00:05:59,014 --> 00:06:02,433 I'd like to introduce you to someone. This is Ben Collins. 117 00:06:02,517 --> 00:06:04,184 Frasier Crane. Pleasure. 118 00:06:04,268 --> 00:06:06,478 -Likewise. -Is it all right if we join you? 119 00:06:06,562 --> 00:06:08,855 -Oh, why not? -I'll grab our coffees. 120 00:06:08,939 --> 00:06:09,774 Great. 121 00:06:11,984 --> 00:06:14,235 He is the greatest guy. 122 00:06:14,319 --> 00:06:17,238 You know, when I first met him, I thought, he's not my type. 123 00:06:17,322 --> 00:06:18,864 Then I remembered what you said, 124 00:06:18,948 --> 00:06:21,242 and I'm so glad you gave me that advice, Frasier, 125 00:06:21,326 --> 00:06:23,576 because without it I would have never given him a second look. 126 00:06:23,660 --> 00:06:26,872 Well, Roz, let's not rule out that all-important third look. 127 00:06:27,956 --> 00:06:29,958 Would you stop worrying about me, Frasier? 128 00:06:30,042 --> 00:06:33,127 This one's different. I can tell he really cares about me. 129 00:06:33,211 --> 00:06:35,171 Here you go, sunshine. 130 00:06:46,223 --> 00:06:47,890 Why can't you be like other dogs? 131 00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:50,935 Why can't you bring home bones or animals you kill? 132 00:06:55,523 --> 00:06:58,483 Give me those. Relax. 133 00:06:58,567 --> 00:07:01,517 I'm just gonna put them with the roses you picked yesterday. 134 00:07:02,362 --> 00:07:04,906 Oh, hey, Dad, fresh from your walk? 135 00:07:05,615 --> 00:07:08,700 I think now might be as good a time as any to crank up the old camcorder. 136 00:07:08,784 --> 00:07:10,076 No, maybe later. 137 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,412 Oh, Dad, hey, you've been saying no for weeks now. 138 00:07:12,496 --> 00:07:14,846 Oh, gee, some people would take that for a hint. 139 00:07:15,374 --> 00:07:18,167 All you have to do is just sit here and talk about your life. 140 00:07:18,251 --> 00:07:20,002 Life's got nothing to do with it. 141 00:07:20,086 --> 00:07:23,736 This is about me dying and you having something to look at after I'm dead. 142 00:07:24,215 --> 00:07:25,799 The whole thing gives me the creeps. 143 00:07:25,883 --> 00:07:29,427 Well, I can't believe you're refusing to record your history. 144 00:07:29,511 --> 00:07:34,015 A story that only you, Martin Crane, can tell. Because it gives you the creeps. 145 00:07:34,099 --> 00:07:36,600 Okay, then, I'll tell you the real truth. 146 00:07:36,684 --> 00:07:39,103 My Indian heritage forbids it. 147 00:07:40,479 --> 00:07:44,608 I'm afraid your magic box will rob me of my spirit. 148 00:07:44,692 --> 00:07:45,566 [DOORBELL RINGS] 149 00:07:45,650 --> 00:07:47,902 I don't know why you're being so negative about this. 150 00:07:47,986 --> 00:07:51,636 It's not really for when you're dead. It's for when you've lost your mind. 151 00:07:52,407 --> 00:07:54,574 -Hey, Frasier. -Oh, hello, Roz. 152 00:07:54,658 --> 00:07:56,534 Why, after waiting for 45 minutes, 153 00:07:56,618 --> 00:07:58,578 did I assume you'd forgotten our appointment? 154 00:07:58,662 --> 00:08:02,207 Sorry, but now I was on my way out, and Ben called. 155 00:08:02,291 --> 00:08:03,707 Oh, yes, Ben. 156 00:08:03,791 --> 00:08:05,125 Oh, what's with you? 157 00:08:05,209 --> 00:08:07,461 Every time I bring him up, you make that face. 158 00:08:07,545 --> 00:08:09,880 I'm getting the sense that you don't like him that much. 159 00:08:09,964 --> 00:08:12,174 It's just that I know something about Ben. 160 00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:13,091 What? 161 00:08:13,175 --> 00:08:16,135 Well, he's a little old for you. 162 00:08:16,219 --> 00:08:18,763 -He's 36. -Exactly my point. 163 00:08:18,847 --> 00:08:21,349 When you were a freshman, he was a senior. That never works out. 164 00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:23,833 -I'm getting my briefcase. -I'll go get a Coke. 165 00:08:25,227 --> 00:08:26,311 Oh, hey, Daphne. 166 00:08:26,395 --> 00:08:28,730 -Oh, hello, Roz. How are you? -Okay. 167 00:08:28,814 --> 00:08:30,274 Can I ask you something? 168 00:08:31,232 --> 00:08:34,485 -Does Frasier seem weird to you? -Oh, God, yes. 169 00:08:35,904 --> 00:08:37,822 I didn't even finish my question yet. 170 00:08:37,906 --> 00:08:40,573 Yes, well, when you know the answer, it's hard not to hit the buzzer. 171 00:08:40,657 --> 00:08:42,158 [ROZ LAUGHS] 172 00:08:42,242 --> 00:08:44,119 Well, this is strange. 173 00:08:44,203 --> 00:08:48,039 I mean, for the first time in years, I'm in a really solid relationship. 174 00:08:48,123 --> 00:08:50,999 And instead of being happy for me, Frasier seems upset. 175 00:08:51,083 --> 00:08:52,668 Well, that is odd. 176 00:08:55,004 --> 00:08:55,838 Unless… 177 00:08:56,547 --> 00:08:57,714 Unless what? 178 00:08:57,798 --> 00:09:03,010 Well, Dr. Crane is jealous of Ben because he wants you for himself. 179 00:09:03,094 --> 00:09:03,929 Huh? 180 00:09:04,638 --> 00:09:08,056 -Oh, no, no! -Yes! 181 00:09:08,140 --> 00:09:10,559 -What else would it be? -No, Frasier? 182 00:09:10,643 --> 00:09:15,480 What? You really think so? Daphne, no! No way! No, he doesn't. 183 00:09:15,564 --> 00:09:18,691 Frasier is the one who told me to find myself a new boyfriend. 184 00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:20,901 Someone who was settled, someone more nurturing, 185 00:09:20,985 --> 00:09:22,736 someone with substance over flash. 186 00:09:22,820 --> 00:09:25,156 They could put that on Dr. Crane's tombstone. 187 00:09:26,115 --> 00:09:29,659 -Oh, come on. No way. -Well, wait, there's something else. 188 00:09:29,743 --> 00:09:30,785 What? 189 00:09:30,869 --> 00:09:34,038 I probably shouldn't tell you this, but earlier this morning, 190 00:09:34,122 --> 00:09:35,789 Dr. Crane was on the phone with his brother, 191 00:09:35,873 --> 00:09:39,501 and he said that your relationship with Ben was driving him crazy. 192 00:09:39,585 --> 00:09:41,962 And that he was dying to tell you, but he can't. 193 00:09:42,046 --> 00:09:44,755 Oh, my God! Did you hear him say that? 194 00:09:44,839 --> 00:09:47,216 -I certainly did. -Oh, this is too weird. 195 00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:50,428 This is too weird. What am I gonna say? Maybe I don't have to say anything. 196 00:09:50,512 --> 00:09:52,180 Maybe he'll just see how happy I am with Ben. 197 00:09:52,264 --> 00:09:53,639 Oh, Ben, Ben, Ben! 198 00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:57,773 My God, would you just drop it with Ben for a minute and pay some attention to me! 199 00:10:00,312 --> 00:10:01,146 Okay. 200 00:10:10,405 --> 00:10:12,322 -Good morning, Roz. -Hi, Frasier. 201 00:10:12,406 --> 00:10:15,158 Hey, you look lovely. That outfit is very flattering. 202 00:10:15,242 --> 00:10:17,619 -Thanks. -You know, I think this calls for a hug. 203 00:10:17,703 --> 00:10:18,953 Oh, I don't look that good. 204 00:10:19,037 --> 00:10:23,123 No, no, no, Roz, look, my God, the ratings are in, 205 00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:25,667 and we did better in our time slot this week than ever before. 206 00:10:25,751 --> 00:10:28,101 -Wonderful. -I mean, congratulations, partner! 207 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,965 Say, you know, why don't we have dinner tonight and celebrate? 208 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:36,677 That sounds so fun, but I kind of have plans. 209 00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,387 Well, should've known. 210 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:42,766 -Well, another time perhaps. -Yeah, sure. That sounds great. 211 00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:45,310 Yo, Doc? When are you gonna return my video camera? 212 00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:48,521 I got a hot date tonight, and I wanna record certain events for posterity, 213 00:10:48,605 --> 00:10:49,897 if you know what I mean. 214 00:10:49,981 --> 00:10:51,440 Uh, tomorrow, Bulldog. 215 00:10:51,524 --> 00:10:54,568 Well, maybe tonight you could just have a police sketch artist 216 00:10:54,652 --> 00:10:55,945 crouch on your balcony. 217 00:10:59,239 --> 00:11:01,199 So, Mom, let me ask you something. 218 00:11:01,283 --> 00:11:04,233 How long did you know Dad before you told him you loved him? 219 00:11:04,745 --> 00:11:06,496 Mom? Mom? 220 00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:09,707 Mom, you've been divorced 15 years. Let it go. 221 00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:13,502 Listen, Ben is coming over to dinner tonight, 222 00:11:13,586 --> 00:11:15,963 and I think I'm gonna tell him I love him. 223 00:11:17,088 --> 00:11:20,007 -I have to get to work. Bye. -Oh, I'm sorry, Roz. 224 00:11:20,091 --> 00:11:22,510 -I should've knocked. -It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. 225 00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:28,348 But I couldn't help overhearing the last part of your conversation there, 226 00:11:28,432 --> 00:11:31,101 and you think maybe you're not rushing things a little with Ben? 227 00:11:31,185 --> 00:11:33,478 I mean, are you really that serious? 228 00:11:33,562 --> 00:11:35,104 Yes, I am. 229 00:11:35,188 --> 00:11:38,732 Yes, but, you know, there are a lot of other men in the world. 230 00:11:38,816 --> 00:11:40,610 And lots of women too. 231 00:11:42,945 --> 00:11:45,795 Well, that's more of a personal preference, but if that… 232 00:11:47,199 --> 00:11:48,449 I meant for you. 233 00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:52,287 Look, Frasier, what I'm trying to say is, 234 00:11:52,371 --> 00:11:54,496 I know you have a problem with me and Ben, 235 00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:57,416 but we're happy together. 236 00:11:57,500 --> 00:12:00,043 Well, it's you've only been going out for a month. 237 00:12:00,127 --> 00:12:03,880 Well, sometimes that's all it takes. Fifteen seconds. 238 00:12:05,048 --> 00:12:08,217 Listen, Frasier, I'd like to think 239 00:12:08,301 --> 00:12:10,928 there's some small part of you that's happy for me. 240 00:12:11,012 --> 00:12:13,972 After all, it was your advice that got me this far. 241 00:12:15,057 --> 00:12:17,351 -Of course I'm happy for you. -Thanks. 242 00:12:20,396 --> 00:12:22,730 Me and my stupid advice… 243 00:12:24,357 --> 00:12:27,527 Will be with you for the next three hours, Seattle. 244 00:12:31,363 --> 00:12:33,114 I'm not doing it. It's morbid. 245 00:12:33,198 --> 00:12:35,658 It's not morbid, and besides, if you don't do it, 246 00:12:35,742 --> 00:12:38,453 the only footage we'll have of you in the family archives is you pretending 247 00:12:38,537 --> 00:12:40,887 your stomach was a face that summer at the lake. 248 00:12:42,498 --> 00:12:44,708 All right, Niles, if it'll shut you up, I'll do it. 249 00:12:44,792 --> 00:12:47,253 Thanks, Dad. We'll make this quick and easy. 250 00:12:49,295 --> 00:12:50,755 -Is that what you're wearing? -Forget it. 251 00:12:50,839 --> 00:12:53,258 No, no, no, here we go. Here we go. 252 00:12:54,050 --> 00:12:56,427 -[MARTIN SIGHS] -Okay. 253 00:12:56,511 --> 00:12:58,219 My name's Martin Crane. 254 00:12:58,303 --> 00:13:00,722 When I made this tape, I was 64 years old. 255 00:13:02,266 --> 00:13:04,476 But now I'm dead. 256 00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:13,109 Trapped in a box underground. [CHUCKLES] 257 00:13:13,818 --> 00:13:15,486 Pretty scary, huh? 258 00:13:18,822 --> 00:13:20,907 Dad, surely you must have some message 259 00:13:20,991 --> 00:13:23,284 you want to leave for the Cranes of the 21st century. 260 00:13:23,368 --> 00:13:25,468 All right, all right, I do. [CLEARS THROAT] 261 00:13:27,663 --> 00:13:31,625 Remember to always work hard and that family comes first. 262 00:13:32,877 --> 00:13:33,711 And… 263 00:13:34,878 --> 00:13:39,090 I have a million bucks in unmarked bills that I took off a drug dealer 264 00:13:39,174 --> 00:13:42,552 that I have stashed in my old Army footlocker. 265 00:13:43,969 --> 00:13:48,640 The combination is left 15, right 32, 266 00:13:49,391 --> 00:13:51,727 le… [GROANING] 267 00:14:04,112 --> 00:14:06,562 Future generations, see what I had to put up with? 268 00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:10,034 -Hello. -Hello. 269 00:14:10,118 --> 00:14:12,077 I suppose this means we're finished. 270 00:14:12,161 --> 00:14:15,361 Well, unless you want future generations to see me go to the can. 271 00:14:16,165 --> 00:14:18,834 Niles, actually, I'm glad you're here. I have to talk to you about Roz. 272 00:14:18,918 --> 00:14:21,544 No, I breached my ethics once already. I'm not doing it again. 273 00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:23,671 -Things have gotten desperate. -No, no, no. 274 00:14:23,755 --> 00:14:26,424 Niles, she plans to tell him that she loves him tonight. 275 00:14:26,508 --> 00:14:29,260 And given what you've told me about Ben's patterns, 276 00:14:29,344 --> 00:14:31,678 that will be the end of it and Roz will be shattered. 277 00:14:31,762 --> 00:14:35,473 There has got to be some loophole in this confidentiality rule 278 00:14:35,557 --> 00:14:38,607 that will allow me to warn her and still preserve your ethics. 279 00:14:39,268 --> 00:14:41,395 Niles, help me go through these textbooks. 280 00:14:42,522 --> 00:14:45,274 -No, I'll have no part of this. -Please, Niles, think of Roz! 281 00:14:45,358 --> 00:14:48,192 -I'm thinking of my license. -Well, then think of what Freud said: 282 00:14:48,276 --> 00:14:51,780 "We are never so helplessly unhappy as when we lose love." 283 00:14:55,534 --> 00:14:56,951 Oh, all right. 284 00:14:57,035 --> 00:14:59,411 But that was dirty pool using a Freud quotation. 285 00:14:59,495 --> 00:15:00,329 I'm sorry. 286 00:15:01,830 --> 00:15:04,580 -That was the Crane boys' Kryptonite. -I know. I know. 287 00:15:05,251 --> 00:15:06,252 Thank you. 288 00:15:08,461 --> 00:15:10,087 Say, here's a possibility. 289 00:15:10,171 --> 00:15:15,426 According to this, it says we can warn her if he plans to do her bodily harm. 290 00:15:15,510 --> 00:15:16,843 -Does he? -No. 291 00:15:16,927 --> 00:15:17,761 Damn! 292 00:15:19,805 --> 00:15:22,555 It'd be so much easier if Roz were mentally incompetent. 293 00:15:27,562 --> 00:15:28,396 Go on. 294 00:15:29,105 --> 00:15:32,055 Well, then there'd be some justification for protecting her. 295 00:15:33,276 --> 00:15:34,400 Is she irrational? 296 00:15:34,484 --> 00:15:36,820 She did attack a vending machine once, 297 00:15:37,862 --> 00:15:39,962 when a Twinkie came out of the Yodel chute. 298 00:15:40,699 --> 00:15:42,241 -Borderline. Borderline. -Yeah, yeah. 299 00:15:42,325 --> 00:15:43,742 Has she ever acted delusional? 300 00:15:43,826 --> 00:15:46,369 She often claims that she's responsible for the success of our show. 301 00:15:46,453 --> 00:15:48,747 -Building, building. -All right, all right, look. 302 00:15:48,831 --> 00:15:51,082 Does she display below-average intelligence? 303 00:15:51,166 --> 00:15:54,168 She once ordered a bottle of white zinfandel. 304 00:15:54,252 --> 00:15:55,461 Jackpot! 305 00:15:56,170 --> 00:15:57,713 Go to her. She's a threat to herself. 306 00:15:57,797 --> 00:15:59,697 Amazing they even let the woman drive. 307 00:16:01,883 --> 00:16:02,967 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 308 00:16:03,051 --> 00:16:04,720 -ROZ: Who is it? -It's Frasier. 309 00:16:06,638 --> 00:16:07,639 [GASPS] 310 00:16:09,141 --> 00:16:10,725 Oh, my God, what happened? 311 00:16:10,809 --> 00:16:12,393 He dumped me, Frasier. 312 00:16:13,644 --> 00:16:15,021 Oh, honey. 313 00:16:16,272 --> 00:16:18,274 -Oh, God. -Come here. Oh, God. 314 00:16:19,650 --> 00:16:24,195 Everything was going great until I said, "I love you, Ben." 315 00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:27,406 And then he got this look on his face like he'd taken a wrong turn 316 00:16:27,490 --> 00:16:29,658 in a really bad neighborhood. 317 00:16:32,328 --> 00:16:34,455 He didn't even touch his champagne. 318 00:16:35,914 --> 00:16:38,375 Oh, I'm… I'm sorry, Roz. Uh… 319 00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:41,461 -Here. Mm-hmm. -Thank you. 320 00:16:43,087 --> 00:16:44,547 -When you… -[SNORTS] 321 00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:53,639 When you professed your love for him, were you dressed like that? 322 00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:56,266 No. 323 00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:59,685 After he left, I went in to change, 324 00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:03,522 and I saw all these old bridesmaid dresses hanging in the closet. 325 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:09,610 That's when it hit me, that's what I am: a bridesmaid. 326 00:17:09,694 --> 00:17:11,821 I might as well wear the uniform. 327 00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:17,368 Oh, Roz, no, no, no. There, come on, come on. 328 00:17:18,243 --> 00:17:21,288 Now, look, look, you know, I find that whenever I'm low, 329 00:17:21,372 --> 00:17:25,332 it always lifts my spirits when I just spruce up a bit. 330 00:17:25,416 --> 00:17:31,422 It wouldn't hurt to run a brush through your hair or through your teeth. 331 00:17:31,506 --> 00:17:32,799 Oh, God! 332 00:17:34,716 --> 00:17:36,092 I must look awful. 333 00:17:36,176 --> 00:17:38,845 Well, no, no, not at all. 334 00:17:38,929 --> 00:17:40,806 You're a big fat liar. 335 00:17:43,265 --> 00:17:47,478 But you were right about Ben and I just didn't see it. 336 00:17:50,231 --> 00:17:52,031 What made you come over here anyway? 337 00:17:52,607 --> 00:17:53,807 Well, actually, I was… 338 00:17:54,609 --> 00:17:56,986 Coming over to take one last stab at convincing you 339 00:17:57,070 --> 00:17:58,820 that Ben was the wrong man for you. 340 00:17:59,948 --> 00:18:01,865 You deserve someone better, Roz. 341 00:18:01,949 --> 00:18:04,993 Oh, yeah. I'm a real catch. 342 00:18:11,499 --> 00:18:12,499 Hell. 343 00:18:12,583 --> 00:18:13,710 Look, Roz… 344 00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:20,298 Things really aren't as dark as they seem. 345 00:18:20,382 --> 00:18:24,177 You know, you're a beautiful, intelligent, desirable… 346 00:18:26,847 --> 00:18:28,947 Let me just take a stab at that, will you? 347 00:18:30,433 --> 00:18:32,601 I can't imagine any man not thinking himself 348 00:18:32,685 --> 00:18:35,104 the luckiest in the world to be with you. 349 00:18:35,730 --> 00:18:38,356 You really do think that, don't you? 350 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,483 Yes. I'm surprised you even have to ask that. 351 00:18:40,567 --> 00:18:42,110 I guess I didn't. 352 00:18:42,902 --> 00:18:47,198 I've known that you've had these romantic feelings toward me for a while. 353 00:18:51,827 --> 00:18:54,412 -What? -Oh, come on. 354 00:18:54,496 --> 00:18:55,830 Don't deny it. 355 00:18:55,914 --> 00:18:59,875 Those hints about finding someone with substance over style. 356 00:18:59,959 --> 00:19:01,960 And the way you hated Ben. 357 00:19:02,044 --> 00:19:04,797 And then Daphne told me she overheard you telling Niles 358 00:19:04,881 --> 00:19:08,299 that you couldn't stop thinking about me and wanted to tell me the truth. 359 00:19:08,383 --> 00:19:10,301 -Daphne told you that? -Yeah, don't be mad at her. 360 00:19:10,385 --> 00:19:12,387 Well, no, no, I'm not. It's just that when she… 361 00:19:12,471 --> 00:19:15,848 No, it's okay, Frasier. I'm glad she told me. 362 00:19:16,682 --> 00:19:20,018 The only thing keeping me from completely falling apart right now 363 00:19:20,102 --> 00:19:23,814 is knowing that someone like you could be interested in me. 364 00:19:29,027 --> 00:19:30,570 Well, then, there's… 365 00:19:31,946 --> 00:19:33,596 No point in denying it, is there? 366 00:19:42,705 --> 00:19:47,168 You know, maybe the idea of you and me isn't so crazy. 367 00:19:47,794 --> 00:19:53,131 You are the kind of man I should be with. Smart, gentle… 368 00:19:53,632 --> 00:19:56,217 -Ow! I said gentle. -Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 369 00:19:56,301 --> 00:20:00,138 I'm sorry, Roz, uh, you know, it's just that there are so many… 370 00:20:00,222 --> 00:20:01,513 I know. I know. 371 00:20:01,597 --> 00:20:04,516 -Workplace romances always fail. -Exactly my point. 372 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,059 And I'm on the rebound. 373 00:20:06,143 --> 00:20:09,563 -I've gotta give myself time to heal. -Yes, yes, lots of time. 374 00:20:12,524 --> 00:20:15,151 On the other hand, you are the one who always says that 375 00:20:15,235 --> 00:20:17,403 the best relationships start with friendship, aren't you? 376 00:20:17,487 --> 00:20:20,530 I do say that. Yes, it's true, but… 377 00:20:20,614 --> 00:20:22,282 Well, we are friends, aren't we? 378 00:20:23,283 --> 00:20:24,827 We're very good friends. 379 00:20:25,536 --> 00:20:27,537 Right now we are both free. 380 00:20:27,621 --> 00:20:30,581 Well, in my case… painfully free. 381 00:20:31,666 --> 00:20:33,334 You know, maybe if we… 382 00:20:34,210 --> 00:20:36,420 Both went into it with our eyes open… 383 00:20:42,217 --> 00:20:43,760 -No, what am I saying? -Roz, I… 384 00:20:43,844 --> 00:20:45,553 -This is really crazy. -Roz, Roz… 385 00:20:45,637 --> 00:20:50,056 My relationship with you is probably the healthiest one I've ever had with a man. 386 00:20:50,140 --> 00:20:51,850 -Well, you know… -I don't wanna screw that up. 387 00:20:51,934 --> 00:20:54,394 Now that you mention it, it's… My relationship with you 388 00:20:54,478 --> 00:20:57,521 is probably the best one I've ever had with a woman. 389 00:20:57,605 --> 00:20:59,905 Not that it's been much of a horse race, but… 390 00:21:05,363 --> 00:21:06,405 To friendship. 391 00:21:10,367 --> 00:21:16,205 Here's hoping the next time you tell a man you love him, he says it back. 392 00:21:20,626 --> 00:21:21,711 Well, let's see. 393 00:21:22,753 --> 00:21:24,045 I love you, Frasier. 394 00:21:25,964 --> 00:21:27,173 I love you too, Roz. 395 00:21:29,551 --> 00:21:30,927 -You gonna be all right? -Yeah. 396 00:21:31,011 --> 00:21:33,012 Well, I'd better run. 397 00:21:33,096 --> 00:21:36,097 Yeah, my saying I love you seems to have that effect on men. 398 00:21:36,181 --> 00:21:40,268 No, no, no, I'll… I'll stay if you like. 399 00:21:40,352 --> 00:21:44,438 No, no, don't you worry about me. I will not be alone. 400 00:21:44,522 --> 00:21:48,192 I will be sliding into a hot tub with my good friends Ben & Jerry. 401 00:21:50,820 --> 00:21:52,988 -See you tomorrow, Roz. -See you, Frasier. 402 00:22:13,298 --> 00:22:14,340 [THEME SONG PLAYING] 403 00:22:14,424 --> 00:22:16,966 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 404 00:22:17,050 --> 00:22:19,261 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 405 00:22:20,220 --> 00:22:21,388 Mercy. 406 00:22:21,472 --> 00:22:23,682 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 407 00:22:23,766 --> 00:22:26,226 ♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 408 00:22:26,310 --> 00:22:28,477 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 409 00:22:28,561 --> 00:22:30,020 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 410 00:22:30,104 --> 00:22:33,608 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 411 00:22:34,567 --> 00:22:37,069 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 412 00:22:37,153 --> 00:22:38,528 Good night, everybody!