1 00:00:02,225 --> 00:00:03,435 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:16,659 --> 00:00:20,912 -Oh, how does he always hear me? -He doesn't. 3 00:00:20,996 --> 00:00:22,873 He just swings through every 20 minutes. 4 00:00:22,957 --> 00:00:25,210 He knows you'll be eating some kind of junk. 5 00:00:26,211 --> 00:00:27,503 I don't want him eating these. 6 00:00:27,587 --> 00:00:30,047 Then do what I do when I want Eddie away from me. 7 00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:35,596 I make a sound like… [HIGH-PITCHED ULULATING] 8 00:00:40,519 --> 00:00:41,811 That's mean. 9 00:00:41,895 --> 00:00:43,771 Why? It doesn't really hurt his ears. 10 00:00:43,855 --> 00:00:46,733 He just finds certain noises irritating. 11 00:00:46,817 --> 00:00:48,235 [NILES, FRASIER VOCALIZING] 12 00:00:58,288 --> 00:01:03,668 That was the most riveting production of Wagner I have seen this season. 13 00:01:03,752 --> 00:01:07,632 I still have goose-bumps from when Klingsor summoned Kundry 14 00:01:07,716 --> 00:01:10,843 with a terrible cry and ordered her to seduce Parsifal. 15 00:01:10,927 --> 00:01:12,512 Ha! Er ist schön, der Knabe! 16 00:01:16,517 --> 00:01:18,935 Well, I had a pretty good night too. 17 00:01:19,019 --> 00:01:23,650 Took myself a nice hot bath, and remember that corn I had on my toe? 18 00:01:23,734 --> 00:01:27,362 Well, it got so soft, I was just able to peel it right off. 19 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,701 It's going to be difficult for me to top that, 20 00:01:32,785 --> 00:01:35,329 but I have some rather exciting news myself. 21 00:01:35,413 --> 00:01:37,414 I'm sure you're all familiar with the Safford case 22 00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:38,540 that's been in the papers? 23 00:01:38,624 --> 00:01:42,337 You mean that scum-sucking jerk who's trying to get his father committed? 24 00:01:42,421 --> 00:01:45,799 Yes. Well, guess who's been retained by that scum-sucking jerk? 25 00:01:47,468 --> 00:01:51,347 I'm going to be testifying as an expert witness at Mr. Safford's capacity hearing. 26 00:01:51,431 --> 00:01:54,975 Wait a minute. You're gonna help sell that poor old guy down the river? 27 00:01:55,059 --> 00:01:57,478 Not at all. Mr. Safford is unbalanced. 28 00:01:57,562 --> 00:01:59,147 His son is worried sick about him. 29 00:01:59,231 --> 00:02:02,901 Oh, his son's worried he's not gonna get his hands on his father's fortune. 30 00:02:02,985 --> 00:02:05,237 Boy, the minute a man starts getting up there, 31 00:02:05,321 --> 00:02:08,783 his kids start making plans to divvy up his stuff. 32 00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:10,827 You'll be pleased to know that Niles and I have decided 33 00:02:10,911 --> 00:02:14,956 to give all your things to charity. We're donating your clothes to the blind. 34 00:02:20,129 --> 00:02:21,588 MARTIN: Well, it's just not right. 35 00:02:21,672 --> 00:02:24,801 A bunch of money-grubbers behind closed doors trying 36 00:02:24,885 --> 00:02:26,970 to declare this poor old guy insane. 37 00:02:27,054 --> 00:02:29,556 For starters, it's not behind closed doors. 38 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:32,475 The entire proceeding will be broadcast on Court TV. 39 00:02:32,559 --> 00:02:33,894 Oh, great. 40 00:02:33,978 --> 00:02:36,313 What father doesn't look forward to the day he gathers his friends 41 00:02:36,397 --> 00:02:37,648 around the TV and says, 42 00:02:37,732 --> 00:02:40,819 "Hey, that's my boy, the one making the old man cry." 43 00:02:42,613 --> 00:02:45,782 Dad, I'm sure Niles is only doing this to protect Mr. Safford from himself. 44 00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:48,326 Old age doesn't have to be that way, you know. 45 00:02:48,410 --> 00:02:53,082 My Great Aunt Beryl lived well into her 90s, and her mind never failed her. 46 00:02:53,166 --> 00:02:58,713 Of course, she lost her eyesight in her 70s and her balance in her 80s. 47 00:02:58,797 --> 00:03:00,799 By the end we spent most of our time propping her up 48 00:03:00,883 --> 00:03:03,135 and putting another bandage on her forehead. 49 00:03:03,636 --> 00:03:08,350 But, bless her heart, she could always tell you just how it happened. 50 00:03:10,936 --> 00:03:14,314 Well, Safford is clearly irrational. 51 00:03:14,398 --> 00:03:15,732 Recently, he wandered off. 52 00:03:15,816 --> 00:03:20,321 They found him two days later riding across Wyoming in a boxcar full of bums. 53 00:03:20,405 --> 00:03:25,075 He's taken to selling off property for half its worth, and, most damning of all, 54 00:03:25,159 --> 00:03:28,956 when I went over to evaluate him, he continually referred to me as "Sparky." 55 00:03:30,291 --> 00:03:32,918 I don't know, you always wanted to have a nickname. 56 00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:36,214 You remember your campaign to have the string section 57 00:03:36,298 --> 00:03:38,298 of the Youth Orchestra call you "Rocky"? 58 00:03:39,593 --> 00:03:42,470 It would have worked, too, if Tilly Faraday hadn't pinned me to the ground 59 00:03:42,554 --> 00:03:46,304 with her trombone when I rebuked her for neglecting to empty her spit valve. 60 00:03:47,351 --> 00:03:50,479 Well, I still think picking on the old man stinks. 61 00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:54,067 God help you if you're over 50 and you do anything 62 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:56,301 that seems the least bit odd to your family. 63 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:02,243 La, la, la, la, la, la, la! 64 00:04:13,130 --> 00:04:16,174 WOMAN: …and I'm pretty sure he's having an affair with his secretary. 65 00:04:16,258 --> 00:04:19,887 Well, have you talked to your husband and heard his side of the story? 66 00:04:19,971 --> 00:04:22,265 -No. -Well, Beth, it does seem that 67 00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:25,935 your fears may be well-founded, but I think you should talk to your husband 68 00:04:26,019 --> 00:04:28,069 before you come to any final conclusions. 69 00:04:29,065 --> 00:04:34,236 This is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you good day and good mental health. 70 00:04:37,157 --> 00:04:39,450 Here are those PSAs. We'll do them tomorrow before the show. 71 00:04:39,534 --> 00:04:40,535 Thank you, Roz. 72 00:04:43,538 --> 00:04:45,624 Roz, why is that light still on? 73 00:04:45,708 --> 00:04:47,543 Is that Beth who I was just talking to? 74 00:04:47,627 --> 00:04:49,169 -No! -Yes, it is. 75 00:04:49,253 --> 00:04:50,129 -It isn't! -Yes, it is! 76 00:04:50,213 --> 00:04:51,297 -I'm sure it is. -It's not. 77 00:04:51,381 --> 00:04:54,134 -Roz, have you been talking to Beth? -Of course not! 78 00:04:54,218 --> 00:04:56,678 What do you think I'm giving advice to your callers? 79 00:04:56,762 --> 00:04:58,805 Oh, Frasier, you are so paranoid. 80 00:04:58,889 --> 00:05:00,515 The world is full of enemies. 81 00:05:00,599 --> 00:05:02,435 Everybody's plotting against you. 82 00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:04,645 There's a man in a dark trench coat right behind you. 83 00:05:04,729 --> 00:05:07,148 -Oh, very droll. -Dr. Crane? 84 00:05:10,026 --> 00:05:13,488 I'm John Giroux. I work for Harlow Safford. 85 00:05:13,572 --> 00:05:15,198 I'm afraid there's been some mistake. 86 00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,034 It's my brother who's connected with the case. 87 00:05:17,118 --> 00:05:18,118 We're quite aware of that. 88 00:05:18,202 --> 00:05:21,247 But Mr. Safford feels he's the victim of a grave injustice. 89 00:05:21,331 --> 00:05:24,167 He's an ardent fan of your show and feels you're the only man who can help him. 90 00:05:24,251 --> 00:05:27,086 Well, that's very flattering, but given my brother's connection with the case, 91 00:05:27,170 --> 00:05:29,381 it wouldn't be very prudent for me to get involved. 92 00:05:29,465 --> 00:05:31,926 Won't you at least talk to my client and judge him by his words 93 00:05:32,010 --> 00:05:34,012 and his actions, not by how old he is? 94 00:05:34,971 --> 00:05:38,058 You sound like my father, a man who believes that burial 95 00:05:38,142 --> 00:05:39,852 is a form of age discrimination. 96 00:05:42,146 --> 00:05:44,856 If you stop by this evening, I'm convinced you'll find Mr. Safford 97 00:05:44,940 --> 00:05:46,025 is completely competent. 98 00:05:46,109 --> 00:05:48,194 Even if you won't testify on his behalf, 99 00:05:48,278 --> 00:05:51,238 perhaps you could at least get your brother to reconsider his testimony? 100 00:05:51,322 --> 00:05:54,368 It's highly unlikely that I would disagree with my brother's opinion. 101 00:05:54,452 --> 00:05:57,162 I really admired your advice to that last caller. 102 00:05:57,246 --> 00:06:00,833 About not judging someone until you've heard his side of the story. 103 00:06:03,002 --> 00:06:04,837 You're a good lawyer, Mr. Giroux. 104 00:06:04,921 --> 00:06:07,382 Mr. Safford only seeks out the very best. 105 00:06:08,633 --> 00:06:11,783 -I'll see you at 7:00? -The address is on the back of my card. 106 00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:16,476 [DOOR CLOSES] 107 00:06:22,274 --> 00:06:23,858 I don't care what Dr. Crane said. 108 00:06:23,942 --> 00:06:27,320 You start talking to your husband and he'll start covering his tracks. 109 00:06:27,404 --> 00:06:28,655 Get a detective now. 110 00:06:28,739 --> 00:06:29,783 [CLEARING THROAT] 111 00:06:37,332 --> 00:06:39,918 You were talking to my last caller. 112 00:06:40,002 --> 00:06:43,506 I swear, it's the first and last time. I will never do it again. 113 00:06:45,466 --> 00:06:46,634 I hope not. 114 00:06:53,058 --> 00:06:55,227 Thanks for holding, Bill. I'm listening. 115 00:06:59,982 --> 00:07:00,899 Thank you. 116 00:07:00,983 --> 00:07:02,443 Enjoy your tour? 117 00:07:02,527 --> 00:07:03,402 Uh… 118 00:07:03,486 --> 00:07:04,488 Yes, yes. 119 00:07:05,114 --> 00:07:08,784 That's quite a model railroad Mr. Safford has running through the grounds. 120 00:07:09,660 --> 00:07:11,870 I've never seen one quite that scale. 121 00:07:11,954 --> 00:07:13,038 It's impressive, isn't it? 122 00:07:13,122 --> 00:07:15,875 Oh, yes, yes, especially when it's bearing down on you. 123 00:07:16,584 --> 00:07:20,088 My heel stuck in the soft grass, and I barely made the crossing. 124 00:07:21,756 --> 00:07:27,387 Tell me, how often does Mr. Safford play with his train? 125 00:07:27,471 --> 00:07:31,226 Just the weekends, when he gives rides to underprivileged children. 126 00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:33,854 Very admirable. 127 00:07:34,479 --> 00:07:36,564 There's a lot you don't know about him. 128 00:07:36,648 --> 00:07:37,565 That's why you're here. 129 00:07:37,649 --> 00:07:40,611 Yes, well, I promised to consider all the evidence 130 00:07:40,695 --> 00:07:42,571 before I arrive at a conclusion. 131 00:07:42,655 --> 00:07:45,116 Yee-haw! 132 00:07:46,742 --> 00:07:47,910 I think I've arrived. 133 00:07:49,413 --> 00:07:53,083 -Hi, Sparky. I'm Harlow Safford. -Dr. Frasier Crane. 134 00:07:54,168 --> 00:07:57,338 I don't believe I've ever seen a fire pole in a home before. 135 00:07:57,422 --> 00:08:01,050 Oh, it, saves a lot of time, except when going up, of course. 136 00:08:01,134 --> 00:08:01,968 [CHUCKLES] 137 00:08:02,969 --> 00:08:06,765 -And the hat? -Oh, that's… that's just for laughs. 138 00:08:06,849 --> 00:08:08,183 Yes, oh, try it on. 139 00:08:08,267 --> 00:08:10,143 -I don't think I should. -Go ahead, try it. 140 00:08:10,227 --> 00:08:11,854 -Come on. -Well, all right. 141 00:08:14,064 --> 00:08:15,775 Yes, it is sort of fun, isn't it? 142 00:08:17,402 --> 00:08:18,403 Not on you. 143 00:08:21,031 --> 00:08:25,494 So do you think you can convince my self-righteous son that I'm not nuts? 144 00:08:25,578 --> 00:08:29,206 I think "nuts" is a little strong, but you must admit that your behavior 145 00:08:29,290 --> 00:08:31,876 might seem to most people to be a little unconventional. 146 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:32,877 Oh, good. 147 00:08:32,961 --> 00:08:35,047 I spent my whole life being conventional. 148 00:08:35,631 --> 00:08:40,552 And one day I said to myself, "Harlow, you're not having any fun." 149 00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:42,388 Do you… 150 00:08:43,431 --> 00:08:44,891 Speak to yourself often? 151 00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,144 Don't try to trip me up, Sparky. 152 00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:50,522 No, thank you. I'm trying to cut down on 153 00:08:51,315 --> 00:08:52,358 lollipops. 154 00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:56,027 -Well, thank you. -All right. 155 00:08:56,111 --> 00:08:59,198 Uh, tell me, why do you call people "Sparky"? 156 00:08:59,282 --> 00:09:00,700 Well, it makes them smile. 157 00:09:01,201 --> 00:09:02,369 Right, Sparky? 158 00:09:03,745 --> 00:09:06,706 -You ought to try it with your patients. -Oh, well, heh, 159 00:09:06,790 --> 00:09:10,878 I'm not sure how warmly that would be embraced by those undergoing electroshock. 160 00:09:14,715 --> 00:09:17,177 Um, anyway, your son tells me 161 00:09:17,261 --> 00:09:21,723 that you recently sold some property at a fraction of its value. 162 00:09:21,807 --> 00:09:22,640 That's right. 163 00:09:22,724 --> 00:09:26,604 Terrific young married couple had their heart set on it, but couldn't afford it. 164 00:09:26,688 --> 00:09:27,897 So I helped them out. 165 00:09:28,398 --> 00:09:30,498 There's nothing wrong with helping people. 166 00:09:30,650 --> 00:09:35,906 Well, he also informs me that you recently indulged in an unorthodox, 167 00:09:35,990 --> 00:09:38,825 not to mention hazardous, mode of travel. 168 00:09:38,909 --> 00:09:42,663 That pompous weenie. That's exactly how he would put it. 169 00:09:42,747 --> 00:09:44,374 Actually, that was my wording. 170 00:09:45,834 --> 00:09:48,920 Well, I hopped a freight, rode the rails. 171 00:09:49,004 --> 00:09:52,466 You know, why not just purchase a ticket and ride in a club car? 172 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,051 Where's the adventure in that? 173 00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:57,346 I'm 78. Someday I'll be too old to jump off a moving train. 174 00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,976 No, you've gotta live out your fantasies while you can. 175 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,562 Do you understand that? 176 00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:06,648 I think I can. 177 00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:07,857 Yeah. 178 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:08,985 Mr. Safford, 179 00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:12,280 what you've said makes a great deal of sense. 180 00:10:13,448 --> 00:10:14,490 Before we go on… 181 00:10:16,075 --> 00:10:17,953 There's something I have to ask you. 182 00:10:19,288 --> 00:10:20,289 Shoot. 183 00:10:21,290 --> 00:10:22,832 It's a little embarrassing. 184 00:10:22,916 --> 00:10:24,001 I can take it. 185 00:10:25,252 --> 00:10:26,254 Okay. 186 00:10:27,213 --> 00:10:28,631 Can I slide down that pole? 187 00:10:31,968 --> 00:10:33,553 Follow me, Sparky. 188 00:10:39,101 --> 00:10:40,894 FRASIER: Dad, are you gonna watch something now? 189 00:10:40,978 --> 00:10:42,771 Yeah. The championship fight. 190 00:10:42,855 --> 00:10:45,525 Don't worry, here's my earphones. Won't bother anyone. 191 00:10:45,609 --> 00:10:47,485 Ha! You've already been a bother. 192 00:10:47,569 --> 00:10:50,488 Making me hide the sports section so he won't see it, 193 00:10:50,572 --> 00:10:53,575 making me turn the news off because they might say who won. 194 00:10:53,659 --> 00:10:54,743 I don't understand. 195 00:10:54,827 --> 00:10:56,578 Well, the fight was last night. 196 00:10:56,662 --> 00:11:00,834 It was on pay TV, but one of my police buddies has a pirate antenna. 197 00:11:00,918 --> 00:11:02,168 So he taped it, 198 00:11:02,252 --> 00:11:05,852 and they messengered one to me in an envelope marked "official business." 199 00:11:06,757 --> 00:11:10,720 Another inspiring tale of our men in law enforcement. 200 00:11:12,639 --> 00:11:14,056 Why are you walking funny? 201 00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:16,100 Well, suffice it to say I learned today 202 00:11:16,184 --> 00:11:20,815 it is unwise to slide repeatedly down a fire pole wearing woolen trousers. 203 00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:24,609 -[DOORBELL RINGS] -Daphne… 204 00:11:24,693 --> 00:11:26,947 -Oh, I'll get it. -Thank you. 205 00:11:30,117 --> 00:11:31,075 Evening, Daphne. 206 00:11:31,159 --> 00:11:34,871 Oh, Dr. Crane, don't say anything about last night's boxing match. 207 00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:36,457 Your dad hasn't seen it yet. 208 00:11:36,541 --> 00:11:38,751 Oh, I didn't even know it was boxing season. 209 00:11:48,011 --> 00:11:50,555 Well, did everyone see my mention in this morning's paper? 210 00:11:50,639 --> 00:11:53,100 I'm afraid I missed that. Well, small wonder. 211 00:11:53,643 --> 00:11:56,145 They buried it all the way back on page 32. 212 00:11:56,229 --> 00:11:59,079 -It's next to the sports section. -Get that out of here! 213 00:12:03,028 --> 00:12:04,279 -Let me see. -Right there. 214 00:12:04,363 --> 00:12:05,238 Oh. 215 00:12:05,322 --> 00:12:06,656 "Court TV this week 216 00:12:06,740 --> 00:12:11,287 "will feature the capacity hearing of noted timber baron Harlow Safford." 217 00:12:11,371 --> 00:12:17,293 "Testifying on behalf of the family will be Dr. Niles Crane, eminent psychiatrist," 218 00:12:17,377 --> 00:12:20,881 "author and leading authority on clinical psychosis." 219 00:12:20,965 --> 00:12:22,800 Dr. Crane is also the brother of the renowned…" 220 00:12:22,884 --> 00:12:24,469 Yada, yada. The rest is filler. 221 00:12:27,346 --> 00:12:28,182 Niles. 222 00:12:29,308 --> 00:12:31,558 -I have to talk to you about something. -Oh. 223 00:12:31,977 --> 00:12:35,146 Just after the show today, I was visited by a man named Mr. Giroux. 224 00:12:35,230 --> 00:12:36,190 Ah. 225 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:39,027 He asked me to represent Mr. Safford. 226 00:12:39,527 --> 00:12:40,737 -What? -MARTIN: Shh! 227 00:12:42,739 --> 00:12:43,614 Sorry. 228 00:12:43,698 --> 00:12:45,742 Given your involvement in the case, I naturally declined. 229 00:12:45,826 --> 00:12:47,160 Oh. Thank God. 230 00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:51,790 But I did agree to see if I concurred with your diagnosis and speak to Mr. Safford. 231 00:12:51,874 --> 00:12:54,377 -What?! -Hey, keep it down! 232 00:12:55,003 --> 00:12:57,506 I just had to tell you that I found Harlow Safford 233 00:12:58,173 --> 00:13:00,466 to be of completely sound mind. 234 00:13:00,550 --> 00:13:01,885 And don't say, "What?" 235 00:13:02,677 --> 00:13:03,846 -Why? -Quiet! 236 00:13:07,350 --> 00:13:10,000 Perhaps it would be better if we spoke somewhere else. 237 00:13:14,942 --> 00:13:17,318 You couldn't stand that I had a high-profile case, could you? 238 00:13:17,402 --> 00:13:18,319 You had to butt into it. 239 00:13:18,403 --> 00:13:19,988 I don't want you to make a fool of yourself. 240 00:13:20,072 --> 00:13:22,241 These people came to me. They asked for my expertise. 241 00:13:22,325 --> 00:13:25,619 Oh, ha! They were undoubtedly exploiting your dubious celebrity. 242 00:13:25,703 --> 00:13:29,081 Of which you are jealous, and I fear the reason you took this case. 243 00:13:29,165 --> 00:13:32,502 That is flatly untrue. I took the case to help the family. 244 00:13:32,586 --> 00:13:34,880 -And to be on television. -I don't give a hoot about television! 245 00:13:34,964 --> 00:13:36,215 Well, some of us do! 246 00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:44,724 Niles, you made a hasty judgment, and I am sorry, but you were wrong. 247 00:13:44,808 --> 00:13:47,352 Ah. Now we see why you got involved in the case. 248 00:13:47,436 --> 00:13:50,481 So big brother could be right and little Niles could be wrong. 249 00:13:50,565 --> 00:13:54,151 Oh, your pathetic childhood issues have nothing to do with it. 250 00:13:54,235 --> 00:13:57,030 Face it, you were wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. 251 00:13:57,114 --> 00:13:58,323 Oh! Oh! Oh! 252 00:13:59,616 --> 00:14:01,118 [JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO] 253 00:14:01,702 --> 00:14:06,123 This from Mr. Quick Fix, the master of the in-depth one-minute phone call diagnosis. 254 00:14:06,207 --> 00:14:09,084 I spent several hours with Mr. Safford, and I found his behavior to be… 255 00:14:09,168 --> 00:14:11,045 Wildly irrational. He's a lip-diddling loon. 256 00:14:11,129 --> 00:14:14,174 You think anything that's even slightly spontaneous is aberrant. 257 00:14:14,258 --> 00:14:16,968 That's ridiculous! The man's incompetent! 258 00:14:17,052 --> 00:14:20,013 I'm warning you, if you get up in a courtroom and say that, 259 00:14:20,097 --> 00:14:22,141 you will damage yourself professionally. 260 00:14:22,225 --> 00:14:24,101 I'm testifying, and you're not going to stop me! 261 00:14:24,185 --> 00:14:26,854 Fine. But you leave me no choice but to testify against you. 262 00:14:26,938 --> 00:14:29,649 -In that case, I'll see you in court. -Good. I look forward to it. 263 00:14:29,733 --> 00:14:30,651 -So do I. -Good. 264 00:14:30,735 --> 00:14:31,944 -Good. -Hey! 265 00:14:34,614 --> 00:14:38,117 Daphne, please, turn down that radio. Dad is trying to watch a fight. 266 00:14:44,958 --> 00:14:47,877 -FRASIER: How are you holding up? -SAFFORD: Oh, I'm fine. 267 00:14:47,961 --> 00:14:51,257 Sparky, I know you don't want to take any money for helping me, 268 00:14:51,341 --> 00:14:54,636 but at least let me make a donation to your favorite charity. 269 00:14:55,845 --> 00:14:59,558 It was my duty, not to mention a pleasure to help you. 270 00:15:00,976 --> 00:15:02,227 If you'd like to donate something, 271 00:15:02,311 --> 00:15:04,980 why don't you select a charity of your own choosing? 272 00:15:06,024 --> 00:15:07,316 Fair enough. 273 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:08,401 Good. Excuse me. 274 00:15:15,660 --> 00:15:16,661 Hello, Niles. 275 00:15:17,286 --> 00:15:19,288 It's not too late to ask them to put a big blue ball 276 00:15:19,372 --> 00:15:21,472 in front of your face during the broadcast. 277 00:15:22,875 --> 00:15:26,171 Perhaps spare you some shred of your reputation. 278 00:15:26,713 --> 00:15:29,132 I'd laugh in your face, but I'm saving my voice. 279 00:15:29,216 --> 00:15:30,300 [CLEARING THROAT] 280 00:15:31,635 --> 00:15:32,637 Oh, my God. 281 00:15:33,179 --> 00:15:34,597 You're wearing makeup. 282 00:15:36,766 --> 00:15:39,602 I am not. This is… medication. 283 00:15:41,438 --> 00:15:45,067 -Something my dermatologist recommended. -Dr. Revlon? 284 00:15:48,821 --> 00:15:51,866 These feeble attempts to undermine my confidence are futile. 285 00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:54,785 The testimony I've prepared is nothing short of brilliant. 286 00:15:54,869 --> 00:15:56,662 I cite half a dozen studies of gerontology, 287 00:15:56,746 --> 00:15:58,749 I quote everything from the Bible to Herodotus, 288 00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,335 I deftly interweave humor with pathos. 289 00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:03,962 You may want to take notes. 290 00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:07,216 And if you had an ounce of self-awareness, 291 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,177 you would realize that your diagnosis was colored 292 00:16:09,261 --> 00:16:13,264 by your zeal to put your face in front of that camera. 293 00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:14,683 -Oh! -Oh, by the way… 294 00:16:15,643 --> 00:16:18,730 Your "medication" is rubbing off on your collar. 295 00:16:23,860 --> 00:16:25,779 BAILIFF: All rise. The court is in session. 296 00:16:25,863 --> 00:16:27,656 Judge Richard McCarron presiding. 297 00:16:27,740 --> 00:16:28,741 Hello, Your Honor. 298 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:32,327 MCCARRON: Be seated. 299 00:16:33,496 --> 00:16:34,789 Good morning. 300 00:16:34,873 --> 00:16:37,223 -Has everyone been sworn in? -Yes, Your Honor. 301 00:16:37,709 --> 00:16:42,590 Well, I see we have two Dr. Cranes testifying today. 302 00:16:43,549 --> 00:16:44,675 Mr. Giroux. 303 00:16:46,552 --> 00:16:49,138 I think we'll hear from your authority first. 304 00:16:49,722 --> 00:16:53,768 I assume the other Dr. Crane has no objection to that arrangement. 305 00:16:53,852 --> 00:16:55,853 None whatsoever, Your Honor. 306 00:16:55,937 --> 00:16:58,106 I'm over here, Dr. Crane. 307 00:17:00,026 --> 00:17:01,068 Your Honor, 308 00:17:01,152 --> 00:17:04,902 I would not presume to bore the court with the recitation of dry statistics, 309 00:17:05,490 --> 00:17:06,783 gerontology studies… 310 00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:10,496 …obscure literary references. 311 00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:16,543 Instead I intend to speak from the heart. 312 00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:23,467 I worry about a society that's chosen to define normalcy in such narrow terms 313 00:17:23,551 --> 00:17:26,346 that if someone's behavior deviates ever so slightly, 314 00:17:26,430 --> 00:17:29,767 we question his capacity to function. 315 00:17:30,476 --> 00:17:35,732 Mr. Safford's seeming eccentricities, his love of trains, his generosity, 316 00:17:35,816 --> 00:17:37,358 they can all be readily explained. 317 00:17:37,442 --> 00:17:38,443 SAFFORD: Diabetes! 318 00:17:39,736 --> 00:17:40,987 Mr. Safford. 319 00:17:41,071 --> 00:17:42,739 I was talking to Sparky. 320 00:17:45,785 --> 00:17:47,494 -Did you say "diabetes"? -Yes. 321 00:17:47,578 --> 00:17:52,459 We'll donate the money to diabetes. Those poor people can't eat sugar. 322 00:17:52,543 --> 00:17:54,294 FRASIER: Fine. Fine. 323 00:17:54,378 --> 00:17:56,087 We'll talk about it afterward. 324 00:17:56,171 --> 00:17:58,382 MCCARRON: May we continue, Dr. Crane? 325 00:17:58,966 --> 00:18:00,133 My apologies, Your Honor. 326 00:18:00,217 --> 00:18:02,428 Mr. Safford and I were discussing a very sizable donation 327 00:18:02,512 --> 00:18:05,890 he intends to make later today to a very worthy cause. 328 00:18:05,974 --> 00:18:08,309 I guess his enthusiasm just got the best of him. 329 00:18:08,393 --> 00:18:13,106 But it is this very generosity that his son finds so objectionable. 330 00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:17,069 That, and the fact that he did hop a freight train across the country. 331 00:18:17,862 --> 00:18:21,491 But, you see, what he sees as unstable, I see as romantic. 332 00:18:21,575 --> 00:18:22,951 [TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING] 333 00:18:25,203 --> 00:18:28,541 I don't suppose there's a railroad track outside the courtroom? 334 00:18:37,759 --> 00:18:42,263 Doesn't Mr. Safford deserve to be a bit of a free spirit 335 00:18:42,347 --> 00:18:45,100 after the years of his demanding career? 336 00:18:45,184 --> 00:18:47,812 A career in which he wore… 337 00:18:49,355 --> 00:18:50,440 Many hats. 338 00:18:54,069 --> 00:18:58,281 That of a father, a philanthropist, a CEO. 339 00:18:58,365 --> 00:19:00,200 SAFFORD: All aboard! All aboard! 340 00:19:00,284 --> 00:19:01,660 Get your tickets ready. 341 00:19:01,744 --> 00:19:04,914 Have your tickets ready, please. Have your tickets ready. 342 00:19:04,998 --> 00:19:08,000 In the end it all comes down to this: Can we really condemn a man 343 00:19:08,084 --> 00:19:12,214 for maintaining a childlike joie de vivre even in his twilight years? 344 00:19:12,298 --> 00:19:13,131 Thank you. 345 00:19:13,215 --> 00:19:15,425 All aboard for the coast express. 346 00:19:15,509 --> 00:19:19,514 Yes, making stops in Tacoma, Olympia, Portland, and Salem. 347 00:19:19,598 --> 00:19:21,015 And the next stop is… 348 00:19:21,099 --> 00:19:23,685 I think I know where your next stop is going to be. 349 00:19:34,364 --> 00:19:37,785 Now, look, Niles, before you start gloating, let me just say this: 350 00:19:39,161 --> 00:19:40,579 You were right. I was wrong. 351 00:19:41,246 --> 00:19:42,164 Big deal. 352 00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:45,632 The world never got a chance to hear me being right. 353 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,755 I suppose by now it's obvious that what you were saying all along was true. 354 00:19:49,839 --> 00:19:52,467 I do envy your fame. 355 00:19:53,176 --> 00:19:57,180 Well, perhaps this public humiliation will cure me of my damned competitiveness. 356 00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:58,099 Oh. 357 00:19:59,767 --> 00:20:00,893 Don't worry about it. 358 00:20:01,310 --> 00:20:03,980 I humiliated myself far more than you did today. 359 00:20:04,064 --> 00:20:08,276 Oh, oh, obviously you didn't see the way I was whoring after that TV camera. 360 00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,404 Obviously you didn't see how I was tap dancing up there 361 00:20:11,488 --> 00:20:12,948 like an organ grinder's monkey. 362 00:20:13,032 --> 00:20:15,951 Yes, well, I might as well have been tarred and feathered. 363 00:20:16,035 --> 00:20:18,078 I might as well have been pilloried in the town square. 364 00:20:18,162 --> 00:20:20,164 I might as well have been stripped naked and forced to… 365 00:20:20,248 --> 00:20:22,376 Oh, stop it, Niles! We're doing it again! 366 00:20:24,628 --> 00:20:27,464 Niles, you have no reason to feel badly. 367 00:20:28,298 --> 00:20:31,428 Everyone wants to be recognized for something they're good at. 368 00:20:32,470 --> 00:20:33,471 And you… 369 00:20:35,056 --> 00:20:36,474 Are a good psychiatrist. 370 00:20:38,644 --> 00:20:39,687 Thank you, Frasier. 371 00:20:40,563 --> 00:20:43,232 Something I can't really lay claim to after today. 372 00:20:44,108 --> 00:20:46,694 How could I have so misjudged that man? 373 00:20:46,778 --> 00:20:49,572 Well, he's undeniably charming, for one thing. 374 00:20:49,656 --> 00:20:52,158 And he can be lucid for long stretches of time. 375 00:20:52,242 --> 00:20:53,660 Yes, but you weren't fooled. 376 00:20:54,244 --> 00:20:58,583 Somehow you picked up on some tiny clue that I missed. 377 00:20:59,250 --> 00:21:00,543 You remember what it was? 378 00:21:01,419 --> 00:21:03,879 Yes. Midway through our interview 379 00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:06,842 he took off his trousers and tried to put them on the cat. 380 00:21:10,429 --> 00:21:13,475 I'd like to think I might have picked up on that one too. 381 00:21:14,350 --> 00:21:16,102 -Still… -Frasier. 382 00:21:16,811 --> 00:21:18,854 You've always approached life with a positive attitude. 383 00:21:18,938 --> 00:21:20,815 It's a quality I admire of yours. 384 00:21:20,899 --> 00:21:24,528 Perhaps your judgment was clouded by your desire to see old age 385 00:21:25,071 --> 00:21:27,281 not as a time of inevitable decline, 386 00:21:28,032 --> 00:21:31,411 but as a time when one's childhood's passions 387 00:21:31,995 --> 00:21:33,580 and fantasies can be reborn. 388 00:21:35,499 --> 00:21:36,500 Thank you, Niles. 389 00:21:39,002 --> 00:21:40,462 You know what would cheer me up? 390 00:21:40,546 --> 00:21:42,131 -What? -I would like to hear 391 00:21:42,215 --> 00:21:43,924 that summation you never got a chance to give. 392 00:21:44,008 --> 00:21:44,925 -Really? -Yes. 393 00:21:45,009 --> 00:21:46,719 -You're not just saying that? -Do you care? 394 00:21:46,803 --> 00:21:48,138 -No. -All right, then. 395 00:21:48,722 --> 00:21:50,098 All right. [CHUCKLES] 396 00:21:50,182 --> 00:21:51,766 -I'm the judge. -All right. 397 00:21:51,850 --> 00:21:53,101 -Okay. -All rise. 398 00:21:53,185 --> 00:21:54,019 Yes, we are. 399 00:21:54,103 --> 00:21:56,480 We've been sworn in? Yes, we have, Your Honor. 400 00:21:59,651 --> 00:22:01,027 Dr. Crane, proceed. 401 00:22:01,111 --> 00:22:03,654 Your Honor, I believe it was Herodotus who said, 402 00:22:03,738 --> 00:22:07,451 "Circumstances rule men, men do not rule circumstances." 403 00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:14,584 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 404 00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:17,099 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 405 00:22:17,183 --> 00:22:19,297 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 406 00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:21,591 Quite stylish. 407 00:22:21,675 --> 00:22:23,844 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 408 00:22:23,928 --> 00:22:26,597 ♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 409 00:22:26,681 --> 00:22:28,766 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 410 00:22:28,850 --> 00:22:30,392 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 411 00:22:30,476 --> 00:22:33,647 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 412 00:22:34,857 --> 00:22:36,984 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 413 00:22:37,484 --> 00:22:39,444 Good night, Seattle, we love you!