1 00:00:03,095 --> 00:00:05,097 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:09,519 --> 00:00:10,644 Are your eyes closed? 3 00:00:10,728 --> 00:00:11,562 What is it? 4 00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:15,191 It's something my antiques scout found for me. 5 00:00:16,275 --> 00:00:17,193 Voila! 6 00:00:17,277 --> 00:00:18,653 Paris, 1882. 7 00:00:18,737 --> 00:00:22,157 Designed by Jean Francois Blanc while attending L'École des Beaux-Arts. 8 00:00:22,241 --> 00:00:23,242 Mon dieu! 9 00:00:26,078 --> 00:00:28,665 It's absolutely breathtaking! 10 00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:31,501 I'm breathless. 11 00:00:34,921 --> 00:00:36,121 I need to take a breath. 12 00:00:38,884 --> 00:00:39,843 Evening, Dr. Crane. 13 00:00:39,927 --> 00:00:41,845 -Oh, hello, Daphne. -Hello, Daphne. 14 00:00:41,929 --> 00:00:44,473 -Would you like to try a game, Niles? -I think not. 15 00:00:44,557 --> 00:00:46,475 -It'll make me too melancholy. -Oh, all right. 16 00:00:46,559 --> 00:00:49,109 Maris and I used to play chess every Thursday night. 17 00:00:49,604 --> 00:00:51,314 Oh, how she loved the game. 18 00:00:51,398 --> 00:00:54,901 No wonder. The king is stationary while the queen has all the power. 19 00:00:57,654 --> 00:01:00,949 -How are you getting along, Dr. Crane? -Oh, all right, I guess. 20 00:01:01,033 --> 00:01:02,868 Feeling a bit lonely, are we? 21 00:01:02,952 --> 00:01:06,998 Only, sometimes when I'm by myself or other times when I'm with other people. 22 00:01:09,459 --> 00:01:11,418 It may not be my place to suggest this 23 00:01:11,502 --> 00:01:14,130 but perhaps all you need is a little company at the apartment. 24 00:01:14,214 --> 00:01:16,591 Something warm and friendly to come home to. 25 00:01:16,675 --> 00:01:18,552 Well, I'm sure Dad would miss you. 26 00:01:20,179 --> 00:01:22,807 -Oh, Dr. Crane… -Oh, me. 27 00:01:23,349 --> 00:01:24,267 Ow. 28 00:01:26,269 --> 00:01:28,229 I'm talking about a dog. 29 00:01:28,313 --> 00:01:29,647 They're wonderful companions. 30 00:01:29,731 --> 00:01:32,831 Well, just look how much Eddie's brought to your father's life. 31 00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:36,446 Oh, there's nothing like a dog's unconditional love. 32 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:39,157 Seeing that smiling face greet you at the door. 33 00:01:39,241 --> 00:01:42,870 It's one of the most rewarding relationships a person can have. 34 00:01:43,496 --> 00:01:44,664 Again? 35 00:01:44,748 --> 00:01:46,958 If you're going to drink out of the toilet, 36 00:01:47,042 --> 00:01:48,710 you can at least learn to use it. 37 00:01:51,046 --> 00:01:54,758 Would you care to come with me? Maybe get the feel of the leash? 38 00:01:56,010 --> 00:01:57,512 -Perhaps I will. -Oh, good. 39 00:01:59,388 --> 00:02:03,809 You know, Daphne, maybe you're on to something with this dog business. 40 00:02:03,893 --> 00:02:05,943 I'm starting to feel less lonely already. 41 00:02:11,652 --> 00:02:13,028 Chop, chop, come with us. 42 00:02:17,742 --> 00:02:21,036 -Hi, Dad. Did you see my new chess set? -Oh, yeah, it's nice. 43 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,914 It's nice? The inlay was made from the same travertine marble they used 44 00:02:23,998 --> 00:02:26,709 -at Hadrian's Palace outside Tivoli. -Really? 45 00:02:26,793 --> 00:02:29,212 Well, I'm gonna celebrate with a beverage brewed 46 00:02:29,296 --> 00:02:32,967 from the crystal clear waters of the majestic Colorado Rockies. 47 00:02:36,554 --> 00:02:37,513 Good one, Dad. 48 00:02:38,722 --> 00:02:40,808 -Say, how about a game? -No, don't think so. 49 00:02:40,892 --> 00:02:43,060 Oh, come on, Dad. You know how to play, don't you? 50 00:02:43,144 --> 00:02:44,771 Well, Daphne showed me once 51 00:02:44,855 --> 00:02:46,439 but really checkers is more my speed. 52 00:02:46,523 --> 00:02:48,399 Oh, come on, checkers is a kid's game. 53 00:02:48,483 --> 00:02:49,776 Come on, Dad, I just got it. 54 00:02:49,860 --> 00:02:51,696 Please. Nobody'll play with me. 55 00:02:53,114 --> 00:02:54,991 All right, I'll give it another shot. 56 00:02:55,491 --> 00:02:57,659 Those guys at the park make it look great. 57 00:02:57,743 --> 00:03:00,829 Eating baloney sandwiches, smoking cigars. 58 00:03:00,913 --> 00:03:02,958 Sometimes a fistfight even breaks out. 59 00:03:03,625 --> 00:03:07,275 Well, let's just start with name-calling and see where it goes, all right? 60 00:03:12,594 --> 00:03:13,428 Your turn. 61 00:03:14,596 --> 00:03:17,681 Now, Dad, please, you don't have to rush. 62 00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,642 As a novice, you have the right to sit back, 63 00:03:19,726 --> 00:03:21,602 survey the board, take your time. 64 00:03:21,686 --> 00:03:24,523 I will not pressure you or hover like a vulture. 65 00:03:25,232 --> 00:03:27,692 You know, please feel free to ask any questions you might have. 66 00:03:27,776 --> 00:03:29,111 Is this a checkmate? 67 00:03:35,076 --> 00:03:36,077 Well, yes, it is. 68 00:03:38,622 --> 00:03:39,747 You mean I won? 69 00:03:39,831 --> 00:03:40,749 Well, yes. 70 00:03:41,583 --> 00:03:43,125 Hey, I won! 71 00:03:43,209 --> 00:03:44,168 How do you like that? 72 00:03:44,252 --> 00:03:46,380 Well, in all fairness, my mind was a bit distracted 73 00:03:46,464 --> 00:03:51,385 by having to monitor your side of the board but, uh, touché. 74 00:03:52,511 --> 00:03:55,848 -How about another game, Dad? -No, I think one'll do it for me, thanks. 75 00:03:55,932 --> 00:03:58,184 Well, all right, fair enough. 76 00:03:58,268 --> 00:04:00,468 Boy, I really clobbered you though, didn't I? 77 00:04:01,855 --> 00:04:03,899 I got almost all of your prawns. 78 00:04:04,524 --> 00:04:05,525 Pawns, Dad. 79 00:04:06,818 --> 00:04:09,530 I think the turning point is when I got that tower thing. 80 00:04:09,614 --> 00:04:10,906 It's called a rook. 81 00:04:10,990 --> 00:04:12,157 But the real knockout blow 82 00:04:12,241 --> 00:04:14,410 was when I backed your little horsey guy into the corner. 83 00:04:14,494 --> 00:04:16,996 -Look, can we call it a night, Dad? -Okay, when I cornered your knight. 84 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,958 No, I mean, can we call it a night? 85 00:04:27,633 --> 00:04:29,883 -ROZ: Hey, Frasier. -FRASIER: Oh, hi, Roz. 86 00:04:30,512 --> 00:04:32,305 Uh, one double tall latte, 87 00:04:32,389 --> 00:04:35,224 a slice of pecan pie with extra whipped cream. 88 00:04:35,308 --> 00:04:36,142 WOMAN: Anything else? 89 00:04:36,226 --> 00:04:37,769 Perhaps a blood pressure cuff? 90 00:04:39,562 --> 00:04:41,231 I'm just a little nervous today, okay? 91 00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,150 Oh, really? Trouble on the dating front? 92 00:04:43,234 --> 00:04:44,943 I'm not that shallow, all right? 93 00:04:45,027 --> 00:04:46,570 It's about my hair. 94 00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:52,243 I've got an appointment this afternoon with Naj. 95 00:04:52,327 --> 00:04:53,202 Naj? 96 00:04:53,286 --> 00:04:56,372 He's the hottest hair stylist in Seattle. 97 00:04:56,456 --> 00:04:57,457 Naj? 98 00:04:57,541 --> 00:04:59,792 I think he's getting a little bored with me. 99 00:04:59,876 --> 00:05:03,547 When he cuts my hair, I can't ever think of anything to say. 100 00:05:03,631 --> 00:05:04,882 Well, how's this for an icebreaker? 101 00:05:04,966 --> 00:05:07,552 "Say, Naj, where'd you get such a stupid name?" 102 00:05:09,804 --> 00:05:11,555 You should see him with all of his other clients. 103 00:05:11,639 --> 00:05:13,558 They're all laughing, having a wonderful time. 104 00:05:13,642 --> 00:05:15,769 I walk in, sit down, it's death. 105 00:05:15,853 --> 00:05:18,939 Maybe there's something in here that'll hold his attention. 106 00:05:20,441 --> 00:05:22,776 Oh, wow, here's something. 107 00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:26,906 A lady in Italy gave birth to a 19-pound baby. 108 00:05:26,990 --> 00:05:27,865 Oh, my God! 109 00:05:27,949 --> 00:05:31,244 No kidding. She's not gonna be hopping on her Vespa any time soon. 110 00:05:33,329 --> 00:05:34,705 That's how he did it! 111 00:05:34,789 --> 00:05:36,124 What are you talking about? 112 00:05:36,208 --> 00:05:37,793 My father beat me at chess last night 113 00:05:37,877 --> 00:05:39,753 and I just realized now it was sheer dumb luck. 114 00:05:39,837 --> 00:05:42,130 He stumbled into the Panov-Botvinnik attack. 115 00:05:42,214 --> 00:05:43,173 Frasier, I feel… 116 00:05:43,257 --> 00:05:44,967 Oh, Roz, I can't tell you what a relief this is. 117 00:05:45,051 --> 00:05:47,262 My God, my whole world makes sense again. 118 00:05:48,263 --> 00:05:50,515 Frasier, you're forgetting about my problem with Naj. 119 00:05:50,599 --> 00:05:53,499 Yes, and it'd be a lot easier if you'd stop bringing it up. 120 00:05:58,107 --> 00:05:59,358 [DOORBELL CHIMES] 121 00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:03,946 -Hello, Niles. -Hello, Frasier. 122 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,614 -To what do I owe this pleasure? -Well… 123 00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:07,449 I took to heart Daphne's suggestion the other day 124 00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:10,370 about a need for companionship since my separation from Maris. 125 00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:12,664 So I went out and got a new lady in my life. 126 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:17,961 I can't explain it. 127 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,088 I'm not a dog person 128 00:06:19,172 --> 00:06:21,298 but there's something about this particular breed 129 00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,426 I find comforting and familiar. 130 00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:29,015 It's mystifying, isn't it? 131 00:06:29,099 --> 00:06:29,933 Baffling. 132 00:06:31,102 --> 00:06:34,521 I happened into my local pet shop. I had no intention of buying anything. 133 00:06:34,605 --> 00:06:37,858 I was merely browsing and they showed me some overly-demonstrative puppies. 134 00:06:37,942 --> 00:06:42,989 Then I heard a haughty little sniff from a cage in the corner and there she was. 135 00:06:43,073 --> 00:06:44,365 Sit, girl, sit. 136 00:06:44,449 --> 00:06:45,283 Okay. 137 00:06:49,538 --> 00:06:52,791 She's, uh… She's a bit high-strung but she's terribly well-bred. 138 00:06:52,875 --> 00:06:55,175 When I tried to pet her, she'd have none of it. 139 00:06:57,547 --> 00:07:00,132 I'm surprised that she wasn't snapped up before you got there. 140 00:07:00,216 --> 00:07:03,303 Yes, well, the man at the pet store said it's because people are reluctant 141 00:07:03,387 --> 00:07:05,637 to take responsibility for her nerve medicine. 142 00:07:05,889 --> 00:07:07,807 Oh, no, no, not on the couch. Off. Off. 143 00:07:07,891 --> 00:07:08,934 Okay. 144 00:07:12,604 --> 00:07:14,482 -Hey, Niles. -NILES: Hey, Dad. 145 00:07:15,608 --> 00:07:17,318 What the hell is that? 146 00:07:19,028 --> 00:07:21,739 It's my dog, my new best friend. 147 00:07:21,823 --> 00:07:25,494 Yes, Niles saw her in the pet store and had this inexplicable attraction. 148 00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:26,661 You can see her ribs. 149 00:07:26,745 --> 00:07:27,872 Hint number one. 150 00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:31,208 Daphne, I owe it all to you. 151 00:07:31,292 --> 00:07:34,961 Oh, really, Dr. Crane, I wouldn't want you going 152 00:07:35,045 --> 00:07:37,465 around telling people I was responsible for that. 153 00:07:39,467 --> 00:07:41,260 Well, I suppose we'll be toddling along. 154 00:07:41,344 --> 00:07:43,180 Yes, all right, come, girl, come! 155 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:45,098 Okay. 156 00:07:49,312 --> 00:07:52,272 The city streets play havoc with her delicate little feet, 157 00:07:52,356 --> 00:07:55,651 so I have to go home and pumice her paw pads. 158 00:07:59,239 --> 00:08:00,573 Am I the only one? 159 00:08:00,657 --> 00:08:01,491 BOTH: No. 160 00:08:03,702 --> 00:08:06,622 -Does Dr. Crane have any idea? -BOTH: No. 161 00:08:09,667 --> 00:08:15,131 Oh, Dad, can I, uh, interest you in an ice cold Ballantine? 162 00:08:15,215 --> 00:08:18,259 -Yeah, sounds good. -FRASIER: I might even join you myself. 163 00:08:18,343 --> 00:08:21,930 I've got some pork rinds here and some of that creamy Lipton Onion Soup dip. 164 00:08:22,014 --> 00:08:23,682 Oh, with the seven herbs and spices? 165 00:08:23,766 --> 00:08:25,017 Well, just count them. 166 00:08:26,894 --> 00:08:28,228 That's great! 167 00:08:28,312 --> 00:08:29,939 All my favorite stuff. 168 00:08:31,733 --> 00:08:33,733 You're putting me in a home, aren't you? 169 00:08:36,238 --> 00:08:39,115 FRASIER: Oh, don't be silly! [LAUGHS] 170 00:08:39,741 --> 00:08:41,117 But, you know, if I ever had to, 171 00:08:41,201 --> 00:08:44,101 don't you think it'd be nice if you knew how to play chess? 172 00:08:56,051 --> 00:09:00,430 Ah! It's not considered a move until my fingers have completely cleared the piece. 173 00:09:00,514 --> 00:09:02,307 Well, what's taking so long? 174 00:09:02,391 --> 00:09:03,851 Look, I am analyzing my options. 175 00:09:03,935 --> 00:09:07,104 Unlike your wing-it approach, I like to plan a strategy, 176 00:09:07,188 --> 00:09:09,524 like a general leading his troops into battle. 177 00:09:14,445 --> 00:09:15,906 Checkmate, Schwartzkopf. 178 00:09:20,953 --> 00:09:21,828 Gosh! 179 00:09:21,912 --> 00:09:25,248 Very well done. You're really getting a feel for the game, Dad. 180 00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:26,500 Yeah. 181 00:09:26,584 --> 00:09:28,920 And all this time I thought chess was hard. 182 00:09:31,089 --> 00:09:32,548 -Well, see you. -Sit down, old man! 183 00:09:32,632 --> 00:09:34,009 You're not going anywhere. 184 00:09:38,931 --> 00:09:40,057 DAPHNE: Mr. Crane? 185 00:09:40,141 --> 00:09:41,934 Would you give me a hand with these dishes? 186 00:09:42,018 --> 00:09:44,562 I can't. I'm playing chess with Frasier. 187 00:09:53,447 --> 00:09:54,530 Finally! 188 00:09:54,614 --> 00:09:56,074 My patience will be rewarded. 189 00:09:56,158 --> 00:09:57,700 The trap is set! 190 00:09:57,784 --> 00:09:59,704 I knew this moment would come. 191 00:10:00,288 --> 00:10:01,706 It comes every game. 192 00:10:03,958 --> 00:10:04,792 Checkmate. 193 00:10:07,503 --> 00:10:09,714 Well, that's it, show's over, folks. 194 00:10:09,798 --> 00:10:11,383 Move along. Nothing more to see here. 195 00:10:11,467 --> 00:10:12,425 You know, Dad… 196 00:10:12,509 --> 00:10:14,302 No, no, I'm not playing anymore. 197 00:10:14,386 --> 00:10:16,430 -I'm tired and I'm going to bed. -Okay. 198 00:10:17,348 --> 00:10:20,852 Yes, I guess I've had my fill as well. 199 00:10:21,436 --> 00:10:24,397 Well, this has really turned out to be quite a good idea, 200 00:10:24,481 --> 00:10:26,232 -hasn't it, this chess thing? -Yeah, good night. 201 00:10:26,316 --> 00:10:27,441 Awfully relaxing. 202 00:10:27,525 --> 00:10:29,777 Oh, yes, yes, you just go on ahead. 203 00:10:29,861 --> 00:10:32,698 I've got something I've got to do. 204 00:10:32,782 --> 00:10:33,991 [LAUGHING] 205 00:10:41,123 --> 00:10:42,124 [MUFFLED SCREAMING] 206 00:10:47,130 --> 00:10:49,048 -Hey, Frasier. -Hi, Roz. 207 00:10:49,132 --> 00:10:50,800 I have great news. 208 00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:53,929 My appointment with Naj could not have gone better. 209 00:10:54,013 --> 00:10:56,015 What is the reason behind this miraculous transformation? 210 00:10:56,099 --> 00:10:59,435 Well, it occurred to me that hairstylists love celebrity gossip. 211 00:10:59,519 --> 00:11:02,146 And I thought, oh, hey, I know a celebrity. 212 00:11:02,230 --> 00:11:03,398 You! 213 00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:07,110 And what did you tell him about me? 214 00:11:07,194 --> 00:11:09,988 Well, he may have gotten the impression that you… 215 00:11:10,072 --> 00:11:11,240 [LAUGHING] 216 00:11:12,950 --> 00:11:14,784 ...well, you're gonna love this that, 217 00:11:14,868 --> 00:11:19,540 you know, you may have been, in the past, a woman. 218 00:11:19,624 --> 00:11:21,251 You're not mad at me, are you? 219 00:11:23,128 --> 00:11:25,755 Mad? Why should I be mad? 220 00:11:25,839 --> 00:11:30,052 Knowing the sacred code of silence all hairdressers have sworn to. 221 00:11:31,262 --> 00:11:33,847 All right, I'll set Naj straight. 222 00:11:33,931 --> 00:11:36,931 Well, if you manage that, then you really would have a story. 223 00:11:40,689 --> 00:11:42,190 -Well, hello. -Niles. 224 00:11:42,899 --> 00:11:44,942 -Double cappuccino. -Yes, same for me, please. 225 00:11:45,026 --> 00:11:47,445 Listen, Niles, I need to talk to you about Dad. 226 00:11:47,529 --> 00:11:50,866 Oh, yes, how is the Bobby Fisher of the geriatric set? 227 00:11:50,950 --> 00:11:52,701 Well, he's still beating me. 228 00:11:52,785 --> 00:11:55,287 I tell you, Niles, I just can't figure it out. 229 00:11:55,371 --> 00:11:57,039 I am the superior player. 230 00:11:57,582 --> 00:12:00,377 There's a saying, "In every boy's life, 231 00:12:00,461 --> 00:12:02,962 "the moment of greatest joy and greatest sorrow," 232 00:12:03,046 --> 00:12:05,340 is when he defeats his father for the first time." 233 00:12:05,424 --> 00:12:07,592 If you're suggesting that I'm afraid to beat Dad, 234 00:12:07,676 --> 00:12:08,968 you can just stop right there. 235 00:12:09,052 --> 00:12:11,138 Okay. The other option is he's better than you. 236 00:12:11,222 --> 00:12:12,265 You were saying… 237 00:12:13,016 --> 00:12:14,559 -Thank you. -Thank you. 238 00:12:15,351 --> 00:12:17,395 Sooner or later, the son eclipses the father. 239 00:12:17,479 --> 00:12:20,606 It's the natural order, yet it's frequently a stumbling block 240 00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:22,984 because the son's competitive stirrings are accompanied 241 00:12:23,068 --> 00:12:25,612 by tremendous feelings of guilt. 242 00:12:25,696 --> 00:12:26,572 I see. 243 00:12:27,406 --> 00:12:29,116 Yes, it's the classic Oedipal conflict. 244 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,910 My God, it seems so obvious now. 245 00:12:31,994 --> 00:12:33,788 I've been letting him win. 246 00:12:33,872 --> 00:12:36,707 Niles, thank you, thank you very much. I can't tell you what a relief this is. 247 00:12:36,791 --> 00:12:38,835 I feel like a weight has been lifted. 248 00:12:38,919 --> 00:12:42,672 Nothing can hold me back now. Tonight I topple the king! 249 00:12:42,756 --> 00:12:45,884 Here. Of course, you realize by dethroning Dad, 250 00:12:45,968 --> 00:12:47,761 you are next in line to be dethroned by Frederick. 251 00:12:47,845 --> 00:12:49,930 And then the only thing left after that is death. 252 00:12:50,014 --> 00:12:52,475 But that's another day and another cup of coffee. 253 00:13:03,987 --> 00:13:06,115 Dad. Dad, wake up! 254 00:13:08,034 --> 00:13:09,953 -It's your turn. -Oh, I'm sorry. 255 00:13:12,747 --> 00:13:13,706 Checkmate. 256 00:13:17,044 --> 00:13:18,795 Well, I'm going to bed. 257 00:13:18,879 --> 00:13:22,550 -Oh, come on, Dad, just one more game. -No, I can't keep my eyes open. 258 00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:07,473 Playing chess again, were you? 259 00:14:11,019 --> 00:14:14,147 You know, when one of me brothers would lose a soccer match, 260 00:14:14,231 --> 00:14:19,027 he'd be all blue and in the dumps but I could always get him to laugh. 261 00:14:19,111 --> 00:14:21,280 I'd make a little puppet like so… 262 00:14:21,989 --> 00:14:24,867 Hello, Daphne, what's shaking? 263 00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:30,998 Oh, hello, Freddy, my friend Dr. Crane here forgot his happy pants. 264 00:14:31,082 --> 00:14:32,416 Oh, no! 265 00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:33,919 What should I do? 266 00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:35,420 Would you sing for him? 267 00:14:35,504 --> 00:14:37,173 I'd love to. 268 00:14:37,965 --> 00:14:40,384 ♪ Who's that grouchy Gus I see? ♪ 269 00:14:40,468 --> 00:14:43,136 ♪ You can't be grouchy, not with me ♪ 270 00:14:43,220 --> 00:14:44,931 Sing along, Doc. 271 00:14:45,557 --> 00:14:48,185 ♪ Who's that grouchy Gus I see? ♪ 272 00:14:51,605 --> 00:14:55,734 Daphne, I would rather have a tarantula lay eggs in my ear 273 00:14:55,818 --> 00:14:58,780 than hear any more of this puppet show. 274 00:14:59,572 --> 00:15:00,972 Do we understand each other? 275 00:15:07,831 --> 00:15:09,833 [FOOTSTEPS] 276 00:15:44,663 --> 00:15:46,415 Eddie, speak. 277 00:15:46,998 --> 00:15:48,208 Speak, Eddie. 278 00:16:13,153 --> 00:16:15,155 [FIRE ALARM BEEPING] 279 00:16:16,489 --> 00:16:17,782 MARTIN: Fire! 280 00:16:17,866 --> 00:16:19,283 Fire, everybody! 281 00:16:19,367 --> 00:16:20,993 Frasier! Daphne! 282 00:16:21,077 --> 00:16:22,745 Fire! Fire! 283 00:16:22,829 --> 00:16:23,789 What's going on? 284 00:16:23,873 --> 00:16:26,541 The fire alarm went off! But I don't see anything around here. 285 00:16:26,625 --> 00:16:28,710 It's not in my room either. 286 00:16:28,794 --> 00:16:30,045 It's okay. 287 00:16:30,796 --> 00:16:31,672 My fault. 288 00:16:31,756 --> 00:16:32,882 False alarm. 289 00:16:33,799 --> 00:16:36,594 I'm just a little remiss in replacing the batteries. 290 00:16:36,678 --> 00:16:38,138 Everything's fine. 291 00:16:38,722 --> 00:16:40,056 The batteries? 292 00:16:40,140 --> 00:16:42,517 -No, smoke alarms don't go off… -Back to bed. 293 00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:44,770 Well, see you in the morning. 294 00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:57,575 Dad, you know, seeing as how we're both up, 295 00:16:57,659 --> 00:17:01,371 I thought maybe we should, oh, I don't know, do something, you know. 296 00:17:01,455 --> 00:17:02,455 Like what? 297 00:17:02,539 --> 00:17:06,460 Well, right off the top of my head, oh, play a little chess? 298 00:17:07,086 --> 00:17:08,087 Now? 299 00:17:08,171 --> 00:17:10,131 Oh, sure, we're both wide awake. 300 00:17:11,925 --> 00:17:15,261 Oh, my God, you set that alarm off! 301 00:17:16,221 --> 00:17:17,596 Dad, I had no… 302 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,434 What kind of weird competitive freak are you? 303 00:17:20,976 --> 00:17:23,770 I mean, you really hate to lose so much you wake up the whole house 304 00:17:23,854 --> 00:17:26,231 -and scare us all to death? -No, of course not! 305 00:17:26,315 --> 00:17:28,901 I wouldn't have to resort to such lengths if this damn dog could speak. 306 00:17:28,985 --> 00:17:30,236 -[BARKS] -Oh, of course. 307 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:31,654 Now you'll get it right. 308 00:17:31,738 --> 00:17:35,408 Look, Dad, would one more game kill you? I mean, you're all riled up. 309 00:17:35,492 --> 00:17:37,577 My God, you'll never get to sleep now anyway. 310 00:17:37,661 --> 00:17:38,912 Wait a minute. 311 00:17:39,538 --> 00:17:40,873 This isn't about losing, is it? 312 00:17:40,957 --> 00:17:42,708 This is about losing to me. 313 00:17:42,792 --> 00:17:45,169 That's what's driving you nuts. 314 00:17:45,253 --> 00:17:47,921 "How can I lose to the old man? I'm much smarter than he is." 315 00:17:48,005 --> 00:17:49,506 -I never said that! -You didn't have to. 316 00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:51,342 -You've thought it all your life. -No, I haven't! 317 00:17:51,426 --> 00:17:53,178 You have. You're insulting my intelligence again. 318 00:17:53,262 --> 00:17:54,679 -Dad. -Now listen, what do you think 319 00:17:54,763 --> 00:17:56,556 I was doing as a detective all those years? 320 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,392 Analyzing clues, devising strategies, 321 00:17:59,476 --> 00:18:01,561 always staying one or two steps ahead of the other guys. 322 00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,481 Now, does that sound like any game that you know? 323 00:18:03,565 --> 00:18:07,777 All right, that explains why you can play the game but not why beat me every time. 324 00:18:07,861 --> 00:18:10,237 Come on, just one more game. Please. 325 00:18:10,321 --> 00:18:12,281 -No. No. Forget it. -Dad, I'll never bring it up again. 326 00:18:12,365 --> 00:18:13,533 -No, I'm not. -Come on. 327 00:18:13,617 --> 00:18:14,826 No, no, no, why should I? 328 00:18:14,910 --> 00:18:17,746 No. No. You just wanna beat me so you can go back to thinking 329 00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,748 that you're smarter than your stupid old man. 330 00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,750 Well, forget it. The hell with you. 331 00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:24,584 I don't see any reason why I should ever play you again. 332 00:18:26,047 --> 00:18:28,090 If you win, I'll give you $5000. 333 00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:29,676 Get out of my way! 334 00:18:33,430 --> 00:18:34,807 Wow! Look at that! 335 00:18:34,891 --> 00:18:36,225 The board's all set up. 336 00:18:36,309 --> 00:18:38,477 What a surprise. 337 00:18:38,561 --> 00:18:40,396 I took the liberty. 338 00:18:40,980 --> 00:18:43,774 Dad, I think we can sit down and play a nice, cordial little game. 339 00:18:43,858 --> 00:18:49,364 For centuries people have set aside their differences to play a game of chess. 340 00:18:49,865 --> 00:18:52,617 So, who should go first? 341 00:18:52,701 --> 00:18:53,827 Well, let's see. 342 00:18:53,911 --> 00:18:56,329 It's usually the person who lost the last game. 343 00:18:56,413 --> 00:18:58,333 Now who could that be? 344 00:18:59,417 --> 00:19:02,962 Okay, no more Mr. Cordial Guy! 345 00:19:07,968 --> 00:19:11,468 By the way, I'm sorry the ratings for your show took a dive last month. 346 00:19:15,976 --> 00:19:20,023 Don't try to pull your cheap psychological tricks on me. 347 00:19:27,197 --> 00:19:28,406 Oh, did I mention… 348 00:19:29,867 --> 00:19:30,910 The cemetery called? 349 00:19:35,164 --> 00:19:37,814 Apparently they have to dig a sewer next to your plot. 350 00:19:43,757 --> 00:19:47,802 Getting your dog to stare at me 351 00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:50,764 only proves how desperate you are. 352 00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:54,769 I didn't tell him to do that. 353 00:19:55,353 --> 00:19:58,481 He just gets fascinated when he sees people sweat. 354 00:19:59,315 --> 00:20:02,026 I sweat when I'm happy. 355 00:20:02,110 --> 00:20:06,823 -Then you must be ecstatic! No, wait… -No! You took your finger off that piece! 356 00:20:06,907 --> 00:20:08,407 -No, I didn't. -Yes, you did! 357 00:20:09,493 --> 00:20:11,453 That means that you must not trust that move. 358 00:20:11,537 --> 00:20:13,789 Must have left yourself vulnerable somewhere. 359 00:20:13,873 --> 00:20:16,167 Well, even if I did, you'll never find it. 360 00:20:25,594 --> 00:20:26,595 Well, look at that. 361 00:20:30,933 --> 00:20:32,143 What's this? 362 00:20:35,897 --> 00:20:37,190 Could it be? 363 00:20:38,942 --> 00:20:40,443 Checkmate! 364 00:20:40,527 --> 00:20:43,238 I won! I won! I really won! 365 00:20:44,197 --> 00:20:46,366 Hey, I didn't gloat when I beat you all those times. 366 00:20:46,450 --> 00:20:48,453 No, but I bet you wish you did now, huh? 367 00:20:49,037 --> 00:20:52,790 -It feels great! -All right, that's it. I'm going to bed. 368 00:20:52,874 --> 00:20:57,378 And I never want to hear the word "chess" or "board" or "chessboard" ever again. 369 00:20:57,462 --> 00:20:59,381 That's it! Understood? 370 00:20:59,465 --> 00:21:01,508 Fine. Fine, Dad. Good night. 371 00:21:01,592 --> 00:21:04,678 Jeez, lighten up. It's just a game. 372 00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:18,902 Dad? Dad? 373 00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:20,529 Oh, geez. 374 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,198 Oh, please, just one question. 375 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:25,325 Did you let me win? 376 00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:28,286 Oh, for crying out loud, Frasier. 377 00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:31,582 No, no, please, please, did you play your best? 378 00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:34,377 For five thousand bucks, what do you think? 379 00:21:34,461 --> 00:21:36,421 You wouldn't just be saying that? 380 00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:41,050 On your mother's grave, may lightning strike me down, 381 00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:44,513 I, Martin Crane, swear on the holiest of Bibles, 382 00:21:44,597 --> 00:21:46,849 you won, I lost, fair and square. 383 00:21:46,933 --> 00:21:48,935 Cross my heart and hope to go to sleep. 384 00:21:53,524 --> 00:21:55,224 -Thank you, Dad. -You're welcome. 385 00:22:02,825 --> 00:22:04,619 I'm sorry I beat you, Dad. 386 00:22:09,958 --> 00:22:11,125 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 387 00:22:11,209 --> 00:22:14,109 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-calling ♪ 388 00:22:14,193 --> 00:22:16,715 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 389 00:22:16,799 --> 00:22:18,091 Mercy. 390 00:22:18,175 --> 00:22:20,385 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 391 00:22:20,469 --> 00:22:23,055 ♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 392 00:22:23,139 --> 00:22:25,057 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 393 00:22:25,141 --> 00:22:27,226 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 394 00:22:27,310 --> 00:22:30,605 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 395 00:22:31,439 --> 00:22:32,858 ♪ They're calling again ♪ 396 00:22:34,025 --> 00:22:34,901 Good night!