1
00:00:03,095 --> 00:00:05,097
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:09,519 --> 00:00:10,644
Are your eyes closed?
3
00:00:10,728 --> 00:00:11,562
What is it?
4
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:15,191
It's something my
antiques scout found for me.
5
00:00:16,275 --> 00:00:17,193
Voila!
6
00:00:17,277 --> 00:00:18,653
Paris, 1882.
7
00:00:18,737 --> 00:00:22,157
Designed by Jean Francois Blanc
while attending L'École des Beaux-Arts.
8
00:00:22,241 --> 00:00:23,242
Mon dieu!
9
00:00:26,078 --> 00:00:28,665
It's absolutely breathtaking!
10
00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:31,501
I'm breathless.
11
00:00:34,921 --> 00:00:36,121
I need to take a breath.
12
00:00:38,884 --> 00:00:39,843
Evening, Dr. Crane.
13
00:00:39,927 --> 00:00:41,845
-Oh, hello, Daphne.
-Hello, Daphne.
14
00:00:41,929 --> 00:00:44,473
-Would you like to try a game, Niles?
-I think not.
15
00:00:44,557 --> 00:00:46,475
-It'll make me too melancholy.
-Oh, all right.
16
00:00:46,559 --> 00:00:49,109
Maris and I used to play
chess every Thursday night.
17
00:00:49,604 --> 00:00:51,314
Oh, how she loved the game.
18
00:00:51,398 --> 00:00:54,901
No wonder. The king is stationary
while the queen has all the power.
19
00:00:57,654 --> 00:01:00,949
-How are you getting along, Dr. Crane?
-Oh, all right, I guess.
20
00:01:01,033 --> 00:01:02,868
Feeling a bit lonely, are we?
21
00:01:02,952 --> 00:01:06,998
Only, sometimes when I'm by myself or
other times when I'm with other people.
22
00:01:09,459 --> 00:01:11,418
It may not be my place to suggest this
23
00:01:11,502 --> 00:01:14,130
but perhaps all you need is a
little company at the apartment.
24
00:01:14,214 --> 00:01:16,591
Something warm and
friendly to come home to.
25
00:01:16,675 --> 00:01:18,552
Well, I'm sure Dad would miss you.
26
00:01:20,179 --> 00:01:22,807
-Oh, Dr. Crane…
-Oh, me.
27
00:01:23,349 --> 00:01:24,267
Ow.
28
00:01:26,269 --> 00:01:28,229
I'm talking about a dog.
29
00:01:28,313 --> 00:01:29,647
They're wonderful companions.
30
00:01:29,731 --> 00:01:32,831
Well, just look how much
Eddie's brought to your father's life.
31
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:36,446
Oh, there's nothing like a
dog's unconditional love.
32
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:39,157
Seeing that smiling
face greet you at the door.
33
00:01:39,241 --> 00:01:42,870
It's one of the most rewarding
relationships a person can have.
34
00:01:43,496 --> 00:01:44,664
Again?
35
00:01:44,748 --> 00:01:46,958
If you're going to
drink out of the toilet,
36
00:01:47,042 --> 00:01:48,710
you can at least learn to use it.
37
00:01:51,046 --> 00:01:54,758
Would you care to come with me?
Maybe get the feel of the leash?
38
00:01:56,010 --> 00:01:57,512
-Perhaps I will.
-Oh, good.
39
00:01:59,388 --> 00:02:03,809
You know, Daphne, maybe you're
on to something with this dog business.
40
00:02:03,893 --> 00:02:05,943
I'm starting to feel less lonely already.
41
00:02:11,652 --> 00:02:13,028
Chop, chop, come with us.
42
00:02:17,742 --> 00:02:21,036
-Hi, Dad. Did you see my new chess set?
-Oh, yeah, it's nice.
43
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,914
It's nice? The inlay was made from
the same travertine marble they used
44
00:02:23,998 --> 00:02:26,709
-at Hadrian's Palace outside Tivoli.
-Really?
45
00:02:26,793 --> 00:02:29,212
Well, I'm gonna celebrate
with a beverage brewed
46
00:02:29,296 --> 00:02:32,967
from the crystal clear waters of
the majestic Colorado Rockies.
47
00:02:36,554 --> 00:02:37,513
Good one, Dad.
48
00:02:38,722 --> 00:02:40,808
-Say, how about a game?
-No, don't think so.
49
00:02:40,892 --> 00:02:43,060
Oh, come on, Dad.
You know how to play, don't you?
50
00:02:43,144 --> 00:02:44,771
Well, Daphne showed me once
51
00:02:44,855 --> 00:02:46,439
but really checkers is more my speed.
52
00:02:46,523 --> 00:02:48,399
Oh, come on, checkers is a kid's game.
53
00:02:48,483 --> 00:02:49,776
Come on, Dad, I just got it.
54
00:02:49,860 --> 00:02:51,696
Please. Nobody'll play with me.
55
00:02:53,114 --> 00:02:54,991
All right, I'll give it another shot.
56
00:02:55,491 --> 00:02:57,659
Those guys at the park make it look great.
57
00:02:57,743 --> 00:03:00,829
Eating baloney sandwiches, smoking cigars.
58
00:03:00,913 --> 00:03:02,958
Sometimes a fistfight even breaks out.
59
00:03:03,625 --> 00:03:07,275
Well, let's just start with name-calling
and see where it goes, all right?
60
00:03:12,594 --> 00:03:13,428
Your turn.
61
00:03:14,596 --> 00:03:17,681
Now, Dad, please, you don't have to rush.
62
00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,642
As a novice, you have
the right to sit back,
63
00:03:19,726 --> 00:03:21,602
survey the board, take your time.
64
00:03:21,686 --> 00:03:24,523
I will not pressure you
or hover like a vulture.
65
00:03:25,232 --> 00:03:27,692
You know, please feel free to
ask any questions you might have.
66
00:03:27,776 --> 00:03:29,111
Is this a checkmate?
67
00:03:35,076 --> 00:03:36,077
Well, yes, it is.
68
00:03:38,622 --> 00:03:39,747
You mean I won?
69
00:03:39,831 --> 00:03:40,749
Well, yes.
70
00:03:41,583 --> 00:03:43,125
Hey, I won!
71
00:03:43,209 --> 00:03:44,168
How do you like that?
72
00:03:44,252 --> 00:03:46,380
Well, in all fairness, my
mind was a bit distracted
73
00:03:46,464 --> 00:03:51,385
by having to monitor your
side of the board but, uh, touché.
74
00:03:52,511 --> 00:03:55,848
-How about another game, Dad?
-No, I think one'll do it for me, thanks.
75
00:03:55,932 --> 00:03:58,184
Well, all right, fair enough.
76
00:03:58,268 --> 00:04:00,468
Boy, I really clobbered
you though, didn't I?
77
00:04:01,855 --> 00:04:03,899
I got almost all of your prawns.
78
00:04:04,524 --> 00:04:05,525
Pawns, Dad.
79
00:04:06,818 --> 00:04:09,530
I think the turning point is
when I got that tower thing.
80
00:04:09,614 --> 00:04:10,906
It's called a rook.
81
00:04:10,990 --> 00:04:12,157
But the real knockout blow
82
00:04:12,241 --> 00:04:14,410
was when I backed your
little horsey guy into the corner.
83
00:04:14,494 --> 00:04:16,996
-Look, can we call it a night, Dad?
-Okay, when I cornered your knight.
84
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,958
No, I mean, can we call it a night?
85
00:04:27,633 --> 00:04:29,883
-ROZ: Hey, Frasier.
-FRASIER: Oh, hi, Roz.
86
00:04:30,512 --> 00:04:32,305
Uh, one double tall latte,
87
00:04:32,389 --> 00:04:35,224
a slice of pecan pie
with extra whipped cream.
88
00:04:35,308 --> 00:04:36,142
WOMAN: Anything else?
89
00:04:36,226 --> 00:04:37,769
Perhaps a blood pressure cuff?
90
00:04:39,562 --> 00:04:41,231
I'm just a little nervous today, okay?
91
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,150
Oh, really? Trouble on the dating front?
92
00:04:43,234 --> 00:04:44,943
I'm not that shallow, all right?
93
00:04:45,027 --> 00:04:46,570
It's about my hair.
94
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:52,243
I've got an appointment
this afternoon with Naj.
95
00:04:52,327 --> 00:04:53,202
Naj?
96
00:04:53,286 --> 00:04:56,372
He's the hottest hair stylist in Seattle.
97
00:04:56,456 --> 00:04:57,457
Naj?
98
00:04:57,541 --> 00:04:59,792
I think he's getting
a little bored with me.
99
00:04:59,876 --> 00:05:03,547
When he cuts my hair, I can't
ever think of anything to say.
100
00:05:03,631 --> 00:05:04,882
Well, how's this for an icebreaker?
101
00:05:04,966 --> 00:05:07,552
"Say, Naj, where'd you
get such a stupid name?"
102
00:05:09,804 --> 00:05:11,555
You should see him
with all of his other clients.
103
00:05:11,639 --> 00:05:13,558
They're all laughing,
having a wonderful time.
104
00:05:13,642 --> 00:05:15,769
I walk in, sit down, it's death.
105
00:05:15,853 --> 00:05:18,939
Maybe there's something in
here that'll hold his attention.
106
00:05:20,441 --> 00:05:22,776
Oh, wow, here's something.
107
00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:26,906
A lady in Italy gave
birth to a 19-pound baby.
108
00:05:26,990 --> 00:05:27,865
Oh, my God!
109
00:05:27,949 --> 00:05:31,244
No kidding. She's not gonna be
hopping on her Vespa any time soon.
110
00:05:33,329 --> 00:05:34,705
That's how he did it!
111
00:05:34,789 --> 00:05:36,124
What are you talking about?
112
00:05:36,208 --> 00:05:37,793
My father beat me at chess last night
113
00:05:37,877 --> 00:05:39,753
and I just realized now
it was sheer dumb luck.
114
00:05:39,837 --> 00:05:42,130
He stumbled into the
Panov-Botvinnik attack.
115
00:05:42,214 --> 00:05:43,173
Frasier, I feel…
116
00:05:43,257 --> 00:05:44,967
Oh, Roz, I can't tell
you what a relief this is.
117
00:05:45,051 --> 00:05:47,262
My God, my whole world makes sense again.
118
00:05:48,263 --> 00:05:50,515
Frasier, you're forgetting
about my problem with Naj.
119
00:05:50,599 --> 00:05:53,499
Yes, and it'd be a lot easier
if you'd stop bringing it up.
120
00:05:58,107 --> 00:05:59,358
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
121
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:03,946
-Hello, Niles.
-Hello, Frasier.
122
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,614
-To what do I owe this pleasure?
-Well…
123
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:07,449
I took to heart Daphne's
suggestion the other day
124
00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:10,370
about a need for companionship
since my separation from Maris.
125
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:12,664
So I went out and got
a new lady in my life.
126
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:17,961
I can't explain it.
127
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,088
I'm not a dog person
128
00:06:19,172 --> 00:06:21,298
but there's something
about this particular breed
129
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,426
I find comforting and familiar.
130
00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:29,015
It's mystifying, isn't it?
131
00:06:29,099 --> 00:06:29,933
Baffling.
132
00:06:31,102 --> 00:06:34,521
I happened into my local pet shop.
I had no intention of buying anything.
133
00:06:34,605 --> 00:06:37,858
I was merely browsing and they showed
me some overly-demonstrative puppies.
134
00:06:37,942 --> 00:06:42,989
Then I heard a haughty little sniff from
a cage in the corner and there she was.
135
00:06:43,073 --> 00:06:44,365
Sit, girl, sit.
136
00:06:44,449 --> 00:06:45,283
Okay.
137
00:06:49,538 --> 00:06:52,791
She's, uh… She's a bit high-strung
but she's terribly well-bred.
138
00:06:52,875 --> 00:06:55,175
When I tried to pet her,
she'd have none of it.
139
00:06:57,547 --> 00:07:00,132
I'm surprised that she wasn't
snapped up before you got there.
140
00:07:00,216 --> 00:07:03,303
Yes, well, the man at the pet store
said it's because people are reluctant
141
00:07:03,387 --> 00:07:05,637
to take responsibility
for her nerve medicine.
142
00:07:05,889 --> 00:07:07,807
Oh, no, no, not on the couch. Off. Off.
143
00:07:07,891 --> 00:07:08,934
Okay.
144
00:07:12,604 --> 00:07:14,482
-Hey, Niles.
-NILES: Hey, Dad.
145
00:07:15,608 --> 00:07:17,318
What the hell is that?
146
00:07:19,028 --> 00:07:21,739
It's my dog, my new best friend.
147
00:07:21,823 --> 00:07:25,494
Yes, Niles saw her in the pet store
and had this inexplicable attraction.
148
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:26,661
You can see her ribs.
149
00:07:26,745 --> 00:07:27,872
Hint number one.
150
00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:31,208
Daphne, I owe it all to you.
151
00:07:31,292 --> 00:07:34,961
Oh, really, Dr. Crane, I
wouldn't want you going
152
00:07:35,045 --> 00:07:37,465
around telling people I
was responsible for that.
153
00:07:39,467 --> 00:07:41,260
Well, I suppose we'll be toddling along.
154
00:07:41,344 --> 00:07:43,180
Yes, all right, come, girl, come!
155
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:45,098
Okay.
156
00:07:49,312 --> 00:07:52,272
The city streets play havoc
with her delicate little feet,
157
00:07:52,356 --> 00:07:55,651
so I have to go home
and pumice her paw pads.
158
00:07:59,239 --> 00:08:00,573
Am I the only one?
159
00:08:00,657 --> 00:08:01,491
BOTH: No.
160
00:08:03,702 --> 00:08:06,622
-Does Dr. Crane have any idea?
-BOTH: No.
161
00:08:09,667 --> 00:08:15,131
Oh, Dad, can I, uh, interest
you in an ice cold Ballantine?
162
00:08:15,215 --> 00:08:18,259
-Yeah, sounds good.
-FRASIER: I might even join you myself.
163
00:08:18,343 --> 00:08:21,930
I've got some pork rinds here and some
of that creamy Lipton Onion Soup dip.
164
00:08:22,014 --> 00:08:23,682
Oh, with the seven herbs and spices?
165
00:08:23,766 --> 00:08:25,017
Well, just count them.
166
00:08:26,894 --> 00:08:28,228
That's great!
167
00:08:28,312 --> 00:08:29,939
All my favorite stuff.
168
00:08:31,733 --> 00:08:33,733
You're putting me in a home, aren't you?
169
00:08:36,238 --> 00:08:39,115
FRASIER: Oh, don't be silly! [LAUGHS]
170
00:08:39,741 --> 00:08:41,117
But, you know, if I ever had to,
171
00:08:41,201 --> 00:08:44,101
don't you think it'd be nice if
you knew how to play chess?
172
00:08:56,051 --> 00:09:00,430
Ah! It's not considered a move until my
fingers have completely cleared the piece.
173
00:09:00,514 --> 00:09:02,307
Well, what's taking so long?
174
00:09:02,391 --> 00:09:03,851
Look, I am analyzing my options.
175
00:09:03,935 --> 00:09:07,104
Unlike your wing-it approach,
I like to plan a strategy,
176
00:09:07,188 --> 00:09:09,524
like a general leading
his troops into battle.
177
00:09:14,445 --> 00:09:15,906
Checkmate, Schwartzkopf.
178
00:09:20,953 --> 00:09:21,828
Gosh!
179
00:09:21,912 --> 00:09:25,248
Very well done. You're really
getting a feel for the game, Dad.
180
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:26,500
Yeah.
181
00:09:26,584 --> 00:09:28,920
And all this time I
thought chess was hard.
182
00:09:31,089 --> 00:09:32,548
-Well, see you.
-Sit down, old man!
183
00:09:32,632 --> 00:09:34,009
You're not going anywhere.
184
00:09:38,931 --> 00:09:40,057
DAPHNE: Mr. Crane?
185
00:09:40,141 --> 00:09:41,934
Would you give me a
hand with these dishes?
186
00:09:42,018 --> 00:09:44,562
I can't. I'm playing chess with Frasier.
187
00:09:53,447 --> 00:09:54,530
Finally!
188
00:09:54,614 --> 00:09:56,074
My patience will be rewarded.
189
00:09:56,158 --> 00:09:57,700
The trap is set!
190
00:09:57,784 --> 00:09:59,704
I knew this moment would come.
191
00:10:00,288 --> 00:10:01,706
It comes every game.
192
00:10:03,958 --> 00:10:04,792
Checkmate.
193
00:10:07,503 --> 00:10:09,714
Well, that's it, show's over, folks.
194
00:10:09,798 --> 00:10:11,383
Move along. Nothing more to see here.
195
00:10:11,467 --> 00:10:12,425
You know, Dad…
196
00:10:12,509 --> 00:10:14,302
No, no, I'm not playing anymore.
197
00:10:14,386 --> 00:10:16,430
-I'm tired and I'm going to bed.
-Okay.
198
00:10:17,348 --> 00:10:20,852
Yes, I guess I've had my fill as well.
199
00:10:21,436 --> 00:10:24,397
Well, this has really turned
out to be quite a good idea,
200
00:10:24,481 --> 00:10:26,232
-hasn't it, this chess thing?
-Yeah, good night.
201
00:10:26,316 --> 00:10:27,441
Awfully relaxing.
202
00:10:27,525 --> 00:10:29,777
Oh, yes, yes, you just go on ahead.
203
00:10:29,861 --> 00:10:32,698
I've got something I've got to do.
204
00:10:32,782 --> 00:10:33,991
[LAUGHING]
205
00:10:41,123 --> 00:10:42,124
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
206
00:10:47,130 --> 00:10:49,048
-Hey, Frasier.
-Hi, Roz.
207
00:10:49,132 --> 00:10:50,800
I have great news.
208
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:53,929
My appointment with Naj
could not have gone better.
209
00:10:54,013 --> 00:10:56,015
What is the reason behind
this miraculous transformation?
210
00:10:56,099 --> 00:10:59,435
Well, it occurred to me that
hairstylists love celebrity gossip.
211
00:10:59,519 --> 00:11:02,146
And I thought, oh,
hey, I know a celebrity.
212
00:11:02,230 --> 00:11:03,398
You!
213
00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:07,110
And what did you tell him about me?
214
00:11:07,194 --> 00:11:09,988
Well, he may have gotten
the impression that you…
215
00:11:10,072 --> 00:11:11,240
[LAUGHING]
216
00:11:12,950 --> 00:11:14,784
...well, you're gonna love this that,
217
00:11:14,868 --> 00:11:19,540
you know, you may have
been, in the past, a woman.
218
00:11:19,624 --> 00:11:21,251
You're not mad at me, are you?
219
00:11:23,128 --> 00:11:25,755
Mad? Why should I be mad?
220
00:11:25,839 --> 00:11:30,052
Knowing the sacred code of
silence all hairdressers have sworn to.
221
00:11:31,262 --> 00:11:33,847
All right, I'll set Naj straight.
222
00:11:33,931 --> 00:11:36,931
Well, if you manage that, then
you really would have a story.
223
00:11:40,689 --> 00:11:42,190
-Well, hello.
-Niles.
224
00:11:42,899 --> 00:11:44,942
-Double cappuccino.
-Yes, same for me, please.
225
00:11:45,026 --> 00:11:47,445
Listen, Niles, I need
to talk to you about Dad.
226
00:11:47,529 --> 00:11:50,866
Oh, yes, how is the Bobby
Fisher of the geriatric set?
227
00:11:50,950 --> 00:11:52,701
Well, he's still beating me.
228
00:11:52,785 --> 00:11:55,287
I tell you, Niles, I
just can't figure it out.
229
00:11:55,371 --> 00:11:57,039
I am the superior player.
230
00:11:57,582 --> 00:12:00,377
There's a saying, "In every boy's life,
231
00:12:00,461 --> 00:12:02,962
"the moment of greatest
joy and greatest sorrow,"
232
00:12:03,046 --> 00:12:05,340
is when he defeats his
father for the first time."
233
00:12:05,424 --> 00:12:07,592
If you're suggesting that
I'm afraid to beat Dad,
234
00:12:07,676 --> 00:12:08,968
you can just stop right there.
235
00:12:09,052 --> 00:12:11,138
Okay.
The other option is he's better than you.
236
00:12:11,222 --> 00:12:12,265
You were saying…
237
00:12:13,016 --> 00:12:14,559
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
238
00:12:15,351 --> 00:12:17,395
Sooner or later, the
son eclipses the father.
239
00:12:17,479 --> 00:12:20,606
It's the natural order, yet it's
frequently a stumbling block
240
00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:22,984
because the son's competitive
stirrings are accompanied
241
00:12:23,068 --> 00:12:25,612
by tremendous feelings of guilt.
242
00:12:25,696 --> 00:12:26,572
I see.
243
00:12:27,406 --> 00:12:29,116
Yes, it's the classic Oedipal conflict.
244
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,910
My God, it seems so obvious now.
245
00:12:31,994 --> 00:12:33,788
I've been letting him win.
246
00:12:33,872 --> 00:12:36,707
Niles, thank you, thank you very much.
I can't tell you what a relief this is.
247
00:12:36,791 --> 00:12:38,835
I feel like a weight has been lifted.
248
00:12:38,919 --> 00:12:42,672
Nothing can hold me back now.
Tonight I topple the king!
249
00:12:42,756 --> 00:12:45,884
Here.
Of course, you realize by dethroning Dad,
250
00:12:45,968 --> 00:12:47,761
you are next in line to
be dethroned by Frederick.
251
00:12:47,845 --> 00:12:49,930
And then the only thing
left after that is death.
252
00:12:50,014 --> 00:12:52,475
But that's another day
and another cup of coffee.
253
00:13:03,987 --> 00:13:06,115
Dad. Dad, wake up!
254
00:13:08,034 --> 00:13:09,953
-It's your turn.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
255
00:13:12,747 --> 00:13:13,706
Checkmate.
256
00:13:17,044 --> 00:13:18,795
Well, I'm going to bed.
257
00:13:18,879 --> 00:13:22,550
-Oh, come on, Dad, just one more game.
-No, I can't keep my eyes open.
258
00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:07,473
Playing chess again, were you?
259
00:14:11,019 --> 00:14:14,147
You know, when one of me
brothers would lose a soccer match,
260
00:14:14,231 --> 00:14:19,027
he'd be all blue and in the dumps
but I could always get him to laugh.
261
00:14:19,111 --> 00:14:21,280
I'd make a little puppet like so…
262
00:14:21,989 --> 00:14:24,867
Hello, Daphne, what's shaking?
263
00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:30,998
Oh, hello, Freddy, my friend
Dr. Crane here forgot his happy pants.
264
00:14:31,082 --> 00:14:32,416
Oh, no!
265
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:33,919
What should I do?
266
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:35,420
Would you sing for him?
267
00:14:35,504 --> 00:14:37,173
I'd love to.
268
00:14:37,965 --> 00:14:40,384
♪ Who's that grouchy Gus I see? ♪
269
00:14:40,468 --> 00:14:43,136
♪ You can't be grouchy, not with me ♪
270
00:14:43,220 --> 00:14:44,931
Sing along, Doc.
271
00:14:45,557 --> 00:14:48,185
♪ Who's that grouchy Gus I see? ♪
272
00:14:51,605 --> 00:14:55,734
Daphne, I would rather have
a tarantula lay eggs in my ear
273
00:14:55,818 --> 00:14:58,780
than hear any more of this puppet show.
274
00:14:59,572 --> 00:15:00,972
Do we understand each other?
275
00:15:07,831 --> 00:15:09,833
[FOOTSTEPS]
276
00:15:44,663 --> 00:15:46,415
Eddie, speak.
277
00:15:46,998 --> 00:15:48,208
Speak, Eddie.
278
00:16:13,153 --> 00:16:15,155
[FIRE ALARM BEEPING]
279
00:16:16,489 --> 00:16:17,782
MARTIN: Fire!
280
00:16:17,866 --> 00:16:19,283
Fire, everybody!
281
00:16:19,367 --> 00:16:20,993
Frasier! Daphne!
282
00:16:21,077 --> 00:16:22,745
Fire! Fire!
283
00:16:22,829 --> 00:16:23,789
What's going on?
284
00:16:23,873 --> 00:16:26,541
The fire alarm went off!
But I don't see anything around here.
285
00:16:26,625 --> 00:16:28,710
It's not in my room either.
286
00:16:28,794 --> 00:16:30,045
It's okay.
287
00:16:30,796 --> 00:16:31,672
My fault.
288
00:16:31,756 --> 00:16:32,882
False alarm.
289
00:16:33,799 --> 00:16:36,594
I'm just a little remiss in
replacing the batteries.
290
00:16:36,678 --> 00:16:38,138
Everything's fine.
291
00:16:38,722 --> 00:16:40,056
The batteries?
292
00:16:40,140 --> 00:16:42,517
-No, smoke alarms don't go off…
-Back to bed.
293
00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:44,770
Well, see you in the morning.
294
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:57,575
Dad, you know, seeing
as how we're both up,
295
00:16:57,659 --> 00:17:01,371
I thought maybe we should, oh, I
don't know, do something, you know.
296
00:17:01,455 --> 00:17:02,455
Like what?
297
00:17:02,539 --> 00:17:06,460
Well, right off the top of my
head, oh, play a little chess?
298
00:17:07,086 --> 00:17:08,087
Now?
299
00:17:08,171 --> 00:17:10,131
Oh, sure, we're both wide awake.
300
00:17:11,925 --> 00:17:15,261
Oh, my God, you set that alarm off!
301
00:17:16,221 --> 00:17:17,596
Dad, I had no…
302
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,434
What kind of weird
competitive freak are you?
303
00:17:20,976 --> 00:17:23,770
I mean, you really hate to lose so
much you wake up the whole house
304
00:17:23,854 --> 00:17:26,231
-and scare us all to death?
-No, of course not!
305
00:17:26,315 --> 00:17:28,901
I wouldn't have to resort to such
lengths if this damn dog could speak.
306
00:17:28,985 --> 00:17:30,236
-[BARKS]
-Oh, of course.
307
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:31,654
Now you'll get it right.
308
00:17:31,738 --> 00:17:35,408
Look, Dad, would one more game kill you?
I mean, you're all riled up.
309
00:17:35,492 --> 00:17:37,577
My God, you'll never
get to sleep now anyway.
310
00:17:37,661 --> 00:17:38,912
Wait a minute.
311
00:17:39,538 --> 00:17:40,873
This isn't about losing, is it?
312
00:17:40,957 --> 00:17:42,708
This is about losing to me.
313
00:17:42,792 --> 00:17:45,169
That's what's driving you nuts.
314
00:17:45,253 --> 00:17:47,921
"How can I lose to the old man?
I'm much smarter than he is."
315
00:17:48,005 --> 00:17:49,506
-I never said that!
-You didn't have to.
316
00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:51,342
-You've thought it all your life.
-No, I haven't!
317
00:17:51,426 --> 00:17:53,178
You have.
You're insulting my intelligence again.
318
00:17:53,262 --> 00:17:54,679
-Dad.
-Now listen, what do you think
319
00:17:54,763 --> 00:17:56,556
I was doing as a
detective all those years?
320
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,392
Analyzing clues, devising strategies,
321
00:17:59,476 --> 00:18:01,561
always staying one or two
steps ahead of the other guys.
322
00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,481
Now, does that sound like
any game that you know?
323
00:18:03,565 --> 00:18:07,777
All right, that explains why you can play
the game but not why beat me every time.
324
00:18:07,861 --> 00:18:10,237
Come on, just one more game. Please.
325
00:18:10,321 --> 00:18:12,281
-No. No. Forget it.
-Dad, I'll never bring it up again.
326
00:18:12,365 --> 00:18:13,533
-No, I'm not.
-Come on.
327
00:18:13,617 --> 00:18:14,826
No, no, no, why should I?
328
00:18:14,910 --> 00:18:17,746
No. No. You just wanna beat
me so you can go back to thinking
329
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,748
that you're smarter
than your stupid old man.
330
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,750
Well, forget it. The hell with you.
331
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:24,584
I don't see any reason why
I should ever play you again.
332
00:18:26,047 --> 00:18:28,090
If you win, I'll give you $5000.
333
00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:29,676
Get out of my way!
334
00:18:33,430 --> 00:18:34,807
Wow! Look at that!
335
00:18:34,891 --> 00:18:36,225
The board's all set up.
336
00:18:36,309 --> 00:18:38,477
What a surprise.
337
00:18:38,561 --> 00:18:40,396
I took the liberty.
338
00:18:40,980 --> 00:18:43,774
Dad, I think we can sit down
and play a nice, cordial little game.
339
00:18:43,858 --> 00:18:49,364
For centuries people have set aside
their differences to play a game of chess.
340
00:18:49,865 --> 00:18:52,617
So, who should go first?
341
00:18:52,701 --> 00:18:53,827
Well, let's see.
342
00:18:53,911 --> 00:18:56,329
It's usually the person
who lost the last game.
343
00:18:56,413 --> 00:18:58,333
Now who could that be?
344
00:18:59,417 --> 00:19:02,962
Okay, no more Mr. Cordial Guy!
345
00:19:07,968 --> 00:19:11,468
By the way, I'm sorry the ratings
for your show took a dive last month.
346
00:19:15,976 --> 00:19:20,023
Don't try to pull your cheap
psychological tricks on me.
347
00:19:27,197 --> 00:19:28,406
Oh, did I mention…
348
00:19:29,867 --> 00:19:30,910
The cemetery called?
349
00:19:35,164 --> 00:19:37,814
Apparently they have to
dig a sewer next to your plot.
350
00:19:43,757 --> 00:19:47,802
Getting your dog to stare at me
351
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:50,764
only proves how desperate you are.
352
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:54,769
I didn't tell him to do that.
353
00:19:55,353 --> 00:19:58,481
He just gets fascinated
when he sees people sweat.
354
00:19:59,315 --> 00:20:02,026
I sweat when I'm happy.
355
00:20:02,110 --> 00:20:06,823
-Then you must be ecstatic! No, wait…
-No! You took your finger off that piece!
356
00:20:06,907 --> 00:20:08,407
-No, I didn't.
-Yes, you did!
357
00:20:09,493 --> 00:20:11,453
That means that you
must not trust that move.
358
00:20:11,537 --> 00:20:13,789
Must have left yourself
vulnerable somewhere.
359
00:20:13,873 --> 00:20:16,167
Well, even if I did, you'll never find it.
360
00:20:25,594 --> 00:20:26,595
Well, look at that.
361
00:20:30,933 --> 00:20:32,143
What's this?
362
00:20:35,897 --> 00:20:37,190
Could it be?
363
00:20:38,942 --> 00:20:40,443
Checkmate!
364
00:20:40,527 --> 00:20:43,238
I won! I won! I really won!
365
00:20:44,197 --> 00:20:46,366
Hey, I didn't gloat when I
beat you all those times.
366
00:20:46,450 --> 00:20:48,453
No, but I bet you wish you did now, huh?
367
00:20:49,037 --> 00:20:52,790
-It feels great!
-All right, that's it. I'm going to bed.
368
00:20:52,874 --> 00:20:57,378
And I never want to hear the word "chess"
or "board" or "chessboard" ever again.
369
00:20:57,462 --> 00:20:59,381
That's it! Understood?
370
00:20:59,465 --> 00:21:01,508
Fine. Fine, Dad. Good night.
371
00:21:01,592 --> 00:21:04,678
Jeez, lighten up. It's just a game.
372
00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:18,902
Dad? Dad?
373
00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:20,529
Oh, geez.
374
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,198
Oh, please, just one question.
375
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:25,325
Did you let me win?
376
00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:28,286
Oh, for crying out loud, Frasier.
377
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:31,582
No, no, please, please,
did you play your best?
378
00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:34,377
For five thousand
bucks, what do you think?
379
00:21:34,461 --> 00:21:36,421
You wouldn't just be saying that?
380
00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:41,050
On your mother's grave,
may lightning strike me down,
381
00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:44,513
I, Martin Crane, swear
on the holiest of Bibles,
382
00:21:44,597 --> 00:21:46,849
you won, I lost, fair and square.
383
00:21:46,933 --> 00:21:48,935
Cross my heart and hope to go to sleep.
384
00:21:53,524 --> 00:21:55,224
-Thank you, Dad.
-You're welcome.
385
00:22:02,825 --> 00:22:04,619
I'm sorry I beat you, Dad.
386
00:22:09,958 --> 00:22:11,125
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
387
00:22:11,209 --> 00:22:14,109
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-calling ♪
388
00:22:14,193 --> 00:22:16,715
♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
389
00:22:16,799 --> 00:22:18,091
Mercy.
390
00:22:18,175 --> 00:22:20,385
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
391
00:22:20,469 --> 00:22:23,055
♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
392
00:22:23,139 --> 00:22:25,057
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
393
00:22:25,141 --> 00:22:27,226
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
394
00:22:27,310 --> 00:22:30,605
♪ With those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
395
00:22:31,439 --> 00:22:32,858
♪ They're calling again ♪
396
00:22:34,025 --> 00:22:34,901
Good night!