1 00:00:03,182 --> 00:00:05,184 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:09,646 --> 00:00:15,277 Well, it's 2:07 here on The Dr. Frasier Crane Show. 3 00:00:16,194 --> 00:00:18,153 As I said, I'm Roz Doyle, 4 00:00:18,237 --> 00:00:22,992 Frasier's producer, filling in for the temporarily detained Dr. Crane. 5 00:00:25,202 --> 00:00:29,123 It's cloudy and 62 degrees outside, coming up on 2:08 6 00:00:30,457 --> 00:00:32,834 right there. 7 00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:37,130 Well, let's take a call. 8 00:00:39,132 --> 00:00:41,925 Hello, Lydia. What seems to be the problem? 9 00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:43,009 I already told you. 10 00:00:43,093 --> 00:00:46,043 But that was when I was the call screener. Now I'm the host. 11 00:00:47,347 --> 00:00:49,849 So tell me your problem and take your time. 12 00:00:49,933 --> 00:00:52,769 Well, it started about two weeks ago. 13 00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:54,895 I got this terrible obscene phone call. 14 00:00:54,979 --> 00:00:56,689 It's happened several times since then 15 00:00:56,773 --> 00:00:59,400 and now it's to the point where I'm afraid to answer my own phone. 16 00:00:59,484 --> 00:01:02,152 Well, obscene phone calls can be very disturbing but luckily 17 00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:03,570 Dr. Frasier Crane has just arrived 18 00:01:03,654 --> 00:01:06,504 and I'm sure he knows exactly what soothing things to say. 19 00:01:07,407 --> 00:01:08,408 [PANTING] 20 00:01:10,577 --> 00:01:11,578 [LYDIA SCREAMS] 21 00:01:13,747 --> 00:01:17,624 Maybe now would be a good time to take a break. We'll be right back after this. 22 00:01:17,708 --> 00:01:21,294 -What the hell was that all about? -Oh, never mind that. Where were you? 23 00:01:21,378 --> 00:01:23,755 Oh, God, somebody had parked in my space again. 24 00:01:23,839 --> 00:01:26,842 I had to park six blocks from here and sprint all the way. 25 00:01:26,926 --> 00:01:29,844 By the end my tweed pants were throwing off so many sparks, 26 00:01:29,928 --> 00:01:31,596 I almost caught myself on fire! 27 00:01:33,890 --> 00:01:37,852 Tell you what, the minute we go to news break, I'm gonna rush down there 28 00:01:37,936 --> 00:01:41,396 and put this withering note on his windshield. 29 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:45,358 "Dear Discourteous Driver…" 30 00:01:45,442 --> 00:01:48,486 Whoa. I think you've said enough right there. 31 00:01:48,570 --> 00:01:51,822 Come on, Frasier, this isn't going to do any good. 32 00:01:51,906 --> 00:01:53,949 You want to make an impression on him, get tough. 33 00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:56,577 You go right down there and let the air out of his tires. 34 00:01:56,661 --> 00:01:58,787 -Oh, I wouldn't do something like that. -Why? 35 00:01:58,871 --> 00:02:01,540 It's just inconveniencing him like he inconvenienced you. 36 00:02:01,624 --> 00:02:04,167 Roz, listen, the world has become uncivilized enough without me 37 00:02:04,251 --> 00:02:05,501 stooping to that level. 38 00:02:05,585 --> 00:02:08,004 Of course, I was sorely tempted last night. 39 00:02:08,505 --> 00:02:11,055 I went to the movies to see How Green Was My Valley. 40 00:02:11,508 --> 00:02:14,218 Lady Luck seated me in front of two elderly women who said with the arrival 41 00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:18,305 of each new actor, "My God, doesn't he look young? He's dead, you know." 42 00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,350 Finally I had to just walk out. 43 00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:25,145 Okay, you're on in five seconds. And Brenda is on line one. 44 00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:26,230 Uh-huh. 45 00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:32,109 Hello, Seattle, we're back and I would like to start by apologizing 46 00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,778 for being tardy. 47 00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:37,740 Nothing quite so inconsiderate as making someone wait. 48 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:40,409 Now, without further ado, let's get to Brenda. 49 00:02:41,034 --> 00:02:42,202 Hello, Brenda. 50 00:02:42,286 --> 00:02:43,578 Hi, Dr. Crane. 51 00:02:43,662 --> 00:02:45,706 I'm having a problem with my sister. 52 00:02:46,206 --> 00:02:47,457 -She's always… -[BEEPS] 53 00:02:47,541 --> 00:02:49,626 Oh, wait a second. That's my other line. 54 00:02:54,881 --> 00:02:58,384 Something tells me I'm going to be siding with Brenda's sister. 55 00:03:14,356 --> 00:03:15,274 You're welcome. 56 00:03:23,908 --> 00:03:26,492 Excuse me, I was wondering if you could direct me to 57 00:03:26,576 --> 00:03:28,536 -[PHONE RINGS] -Friendly Video. 58 00:03:29,829 --> 00:03:33,457 Yeah, yeah, I think we've got that one. Hang on a second. I'll check. 59 00:03:33,541 --> 00:03:34,959 Oh, don't you hate that? 60 00:03:35,793 --> 00:03:38,628 You come all the way down here yourself to the store, you wait patiently 61 00:03:38,712 --> 00:03:41,881 and then somebody who calls in from home gets preferential treatment. 62 00:03:41,965 --> 00:03:43,967 I can help the next person in line. 63 00:03:47,679 --> 00:03:49,680 Hey, do we have The Invisible Man? 64 00:03:49,764 --> 00:03:50,723 Right here! 65 00:03:53,935 --> 00:03:55,603 Thanks. Yeah, we've got it. 66 00:03:56,228 --> 00:03:57,104 Excuse me. 67 00:03:57,980 --> 00:03:59,481 I was looking for… 68 00:03:59,565 --> 00:04:00,731 [PHONE RINGS] 69 00:04:00,815 --> 00:04:02,609 Don't even think about it! 70 00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,905 I'm looking for How Green Was My Valley. 71 00:04:07,989 --> 00:04:08,990 Huh? 72 00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:14,744 It is a beautifully acted depiction of life in a small town in Wales. 73 00:04:14,828 --> 00:04:17,497 It won five Academy Awards. It's a classic. 74 00:04:17,581 --> 00:04:19,875 Oh, well, this is a shot in the dark 75 00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:23,462 but you might try looking in the "Classics" section. 76 00:04:26,673 --> 00:04:28,757 You're taking How Green Was My Valley? 77 00:04:28,841 --> 00:04:31,010 -I heard it was great. -But you heard it from me. 78 00:04:31,094 --> 00:04:33,304 You were standing next to me in the line. 79 00:04:36,098 --> 00:04:39,058 -Excuse me, is there another copy? -Oh, yeah. 80 00:04:39,142 --> 00:04:42,854 That'd be across the street in our How Green Was My Valley annex. 81 00:04:50,528 --> 00:04:52,697 -[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV] -[LAUGHING] 82 00:04:54,532 --> 00:04:57,332 Hey, Daphne, come on, you're just in time. It's starting. 83 00:04:57,910 --> 00:04:59,785 I don't get this show. 84 00:04:59,869 --> 00:05:01,787 People send in videos of themselves 85 00:05:01,871 --> 00:05:04,248 having the most embarrassing and painful accidents. 86 00:05:04,332 --> 00:05:08,210 They have cartoon noises and music and everyone laughs themselves silly. 87 00:05:08,294 --> 00:05:10,963 -[BOINGING NOISE] -Boy, I bet that hurt! 88 00:05:17,886 --> 00:05:19,137 Well, what's wrong with you? 89 00:05:19,221 --> 00:05:22,890 Frankly, I have had it with the whole boorish, ill-mannered world. 90 00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:26,894 Dad, would you mind terribly if I used the TV tonight? 91 00:05:26,978 --> 00:05:30,648 I went to three video stores to get this tape. I'm just dying to see it. 92 00:05:30,732 --> 00:05:32,733 Oh, sure, go ahead. 93 00:05:32,817 --> 00:05:35,967 How many times can you watch a dog get hit with a swinging door? 94 00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:39,865 Depends upon the dog. 95 00:05:46,620 --> 00:05:48,622 [ROCK MUSIC BLARING OVER SPEAKERS] 96 00:05:50,207 --> 00:05:51,751 What the hell is that? 97 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:56,964 The windows are rattling, the walls are shaking and I am talking to no one! 98 00:05:58,798 --> 00:06:01,926 -Well, I see our neighbor's at it again. -Not for long! 99 00:06:02,469 --> 00:06:04,011 I'm gonna take a nap. 100 00:06:04,095 --> 00:06:06,055 Dad, you can't possibly expect to sleep in this racket. 101 00:06:06,139 --> 00:06:08,182 Are you kidding? I slept through worse than this. 102 00:06:08,266 --> 00:06:11,476 In Korea I dropped off in a foxhole right outside Panmunjam. 103 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:12,686 By the time I woke up, 104 00:06:12,770 --> 00:06:15,772 the ceasefire was over and I was the only one who didn't know about it. 105 00:06:15,856 --> 00:06:17,691 Talk about having egg on your face. 106 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:20,402 Would you please connect me with the young man 107 00:06:20,486 --> 00:06:22,736 who just moved into the penthouse upstairs? 108 00:06:22,820 --> 00:06:25,239 No, I don't know his name. He's in the penthouse! 109 00:06:26,032 --> 00:06:29,410 He has shaggy hair, he has tattoos all over him. His body is pierced. 110 00:06:29,494 --> 00:06:32,794 Oh, and I don't know if I mentioned this but he's in the penthouse! 111 00:06:34,581 --> 00:06:35,582 [MUSIC STOPS] 112 00:06:39,628 --> 00:06:40,462 Never mind. 113 00:06:42,172 --> 00:06:45,173 Has the world completely lost the concept of common courtesy? 114 00:06:45,257 --> 00:06:48,052 Am I the only one who is resisting this tide? 115 00:06:48,719 --> 00:06:52,056 People of Seattle, listen to me! 116 00:06:53,557 --> 00:06:55,767 We are not barbarians! 117 00:06:55,851 --> 00:06:59,228 We are not Neanderthals! And we are not French! 118 00:06:59,312 --> 00:07:01,272 Do you hear that, you up there? 119 00:07:06,528 --> 00:07:08,695 That's his own music he's listening to, you know. 120 00:07:08,779 --> 00:07:10,905 His name is Freddie Chainsaw. 121 00:07:10,989 --> 00:07:12,282 Chainsaw? 122 00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:13,826 Of the Newport Chainsaws? 123 00:07:15,953 --> 00:07:20,039 How does an arrested adolescent who barely knows two chords get a penthouse? 124 00:07:20,123 --> 00:07:22,875 His last album sold five million copies. 125 00:07:22,959 --> 00:07:26,963 Oh, well, then, I'll just add that to my list of reasons to die. 126 00:07:32,759 --> 00:07:34,886 You know, personally, I like it. 127 00:07:34,970 --> 00:07:38,181 But then we Brits have always been on the cutting edge. 128 00:07:38,265 --> 00:07:41,851 You should've heard the punk rockers who rented the flat below me a few years back. 129 00:07:41,935 --> 00:07:45,228 They'd play the same song over and over again. 130 00:07:45,312 --> 00:07:46,813 ♪ Flesh is burning ♪ 131 00:07:46,897 --> 00:07:47,731 [VOCALIZING] 132 00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:49,274 ♪ Flesh is burning ♪ 133 00:07:49,358 --> 00:07:50,359 [VOCALIZING] 134 00:07:51,527 --> 00:07:54,321 Oh, no, I'm gonna have that tune in me head all day now. 135 00:07:56,114 --> 00:08:00,869 Well, thank you for that, Daphne, but I've been waiting all day to watch my movie. 136 00:08:02,036 --> 00:08:04,038 [ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING ON TV] 137 00:08:09,501 --> 00:08:11,503 [ROCK MUSIC BLARING OVER SPEAKERS] 138 00:08:12,337 --> 00:08:15,215 Doesn't he ever stop for sex and drugs? 139 00:08:21,095 --> 00:08:21,970 Hello? 140 00:08:22,054 --> 00:08:26,391 Yes, please, I insist on being connected to the young man in the penthouse! 141 00:08:26,475 --> 00:08:27,726 [MUSIC STOPS] 142 00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:29,937 Yes, hello, Mr. Chainsaw. 143 00:08:30,021 --> 00:08:32,105 Yes, how do you do? I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. 144 00:08:32,189 --> 00:08:34,316 I am your neighbor. I live right below you. 145 00:08:34,983 --> 00:08:37,944 Yes, do you have any idea how loud your music is? 146 00:08:39,029 --> 00:08:40,572 Oh, you do? 147 00:08:42,198 --> 00:08:43,699 Well, uh, thank you. 148 00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:46,535 Wasn't so bad. 149 00:08:46,619 --> 00:08:48,719 Young man seemed quite amiable in his way. 150 00:08:49,288 --> 00:08:51,248 [ROCK MUSIC RESUMES] 151 00:08:53,917 --> 00:08:54,834 I'm going out! 152 00:08:54,918 --> 00:08:56,127 What? 153 00:08:56,211 --> 00:08:57,878 -I am going out! -What? 154 00:08:57,962 --> 00:08:59,588 I am going out! 155 00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:03,672 MARTIN: Hey, Frasier, will you keep it down out there? I'm trying to take a nap. 156 00:09:09,848 --> 00:09:11,058 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 157 00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:13,352 Smell me, Niles. 158 00:09:15,562 --> 00:09:17,480 -Grandpa! -Exactly. 159 00:09:18,356 --> 00:09:20,107 I was on my way down in the elevator today. 160 00:09:20,191 --> 00:09:23,527 This woman thinks nothing of lighting up a cigarette. Has the world gone mad? 161 00:09:23,611 --> 00:09:25,237 Oh, I know exactly how you feel. 162 00:09:25,321 --> 00:09:27,656 This morning I discovered a ding in the door of my car. 163 00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:29,073 Oh, let me guess. 164 00:09:29,157 --> 00:09:30,533 No note on the windshield? 165 00:09:30,617 --> 00:09:33,995 No, and even worse, after I'd left the car off at the body shop, 166 00:09:34,079 --> 00:09:36,622 the rental agency didn't have a single luxury car left. 167 00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:39,856 They stuck me with some vehicle I believe they call a hunchback. 168 00:09:41,126 --> 00:09:43,629 No, I think that would be a hatchback, Niles. 169 00:09:44,338 --> 00:09:48,008 It's painted panic-button red, has a large rear window that pops open. 170 00:09:48,092 --> 00:09:50,468 -Oh, that would be the hatchback. -Oh. 171 00:09:50,552 --> 00:09:54,222 Well, here's a novel idea, name the car after its most hideous feature. 172 00:10:00,645 --> 00:10:02,479 I presume it was a toss-up between hatchback 173 00:10:02,563 --> 00:10:04,763 and "What's that odor coming from the floor?" 174 00:10:06,733 --> 00:10:07,984 Oh, look, Niles, free table! 175 00:10:08,068 --> 00:10:11,154 -Go! Go! Go! -All right. Oh, the biscotti. 176 00:10:11,238 --> 00:10:13,824 -Leave it. -Oh, no. Go on without me. 177 00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:18,160 Oh, there! 178 00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:20,913 Excuse me. Excuse me. 179 00:10:20,997 --> 00:10:22,206 Oh, you know… 180 00:10:22,290 --> 00:10:24,458 -Oh, damn! -Oh, check on table one. 181 00:10:24,542 --> 00:10:25,542 -Yes. -Table one. 182 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,627 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 183 00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:38,221 Oh, we're not hovering, believe me. 184 00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:41,655 It's just that there's, well, there's really no place else to stand. 185 00:10:42,766 --> 00:10:45,166 Oh, just take your time, please. There's no rush. 186 00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,563 Is the owner of a red hatchback here? 187 00:10:48,647 --> 00:10:49,797 It's about to be towed. 188 00:10:50,482 --> 00:10:53,382 -Niles, isn't that your car? -Shh! Someone will hear you. 189 00:10:55,278 --> 00:10:58,113 -Niles, it's about to be towed. -I am not owning up to that car. 190 00:10:58,197 --> 00:11:00,847 I don't care if it's careening toward a baby carriage. 191 00:11:02,577 --> 00:11:04,927 Thank you so much. Take care. Have a lovely day. 192 00:11:08,165 --> 00:11:10,667 Excuse me but we were waiting for this table. 193 00:11:11,168 --> 00:11:12,419 So, get another one. 194 00:11:14,171 --> 00:11:15,420 Well, there aren't any. 195 00:11:15,504 --> 00:11:17,214 You knew that we were waiting for it. 196 00:11:17,298 --> 00:11:19,049 We politely stood back to let those people leave 197 00:11:19,133 --> 00:11:23,283 -and then you just jumped right in here. -Well, you won't make that mistake again. 198 00:11:24,513 --> 00:11:25,764 Frasier, Frasier, forget it. 199 00:11:25,848 --> 00:11:28,398 -We'll just wait for another table. -No, we won't! 200 00:11:28,850 --> 00:11:30,518 This isn't about the table anymore. 201 00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:32,652 It's about the erosion of common decency. 202 00:11:33,688 --> 00:11:35,314 Sir, when you treat me this way, 203 00:11:35,398 --> 00:11:38,942 you encourage me to be discourteous to another and so on and so on. 204 00:11:41,111 --> 00:11:42,861 You don't have any manners, do you? 205 00:11:45,532 --> 00:11:49,244 Then perhaps what you need is an etiquette lesson! 206 00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:57,835 Sit down, Niles. 207 00:12:00,713 --> 00:12:02,255 My brother will have a decaf. 208 00:12:10,722 --> 00:12:12,474 ♪ Flesh is burning ♪ 209 00:12:13,682 --> 00:12:15,226 ♪ Flesh is burning ♪ 210 00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:20,147 ♪ Flesh is burning ♪ 211 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:23,025 ♪ Flesh is burning ♪ 212 00:12:24,068 --> 00:12:25,568 Oh, hi, Fras. 213 00:12:25,652 --> 00:12:27,153 -How you feeling? -Fine. 214 00:12:28,071 --> 00:12:30,771 You know, I didn't ask you yesterday how your day went. 215 00:12:31,699 --> 00:12:32,992 What did Niles tell you? 216 00:12:33,076 --> 00:12:35,494 Nothing. Jeez, can't I ask you how your day went? 217 00:12:35,578 --> 00:12:36,662 How was work? 218 00:12:37,413 --> 00:12:39,123 How's your badass self? 219 00:12:41,834 --> 00:12:43,752 Damn it, Niles blabbed. 220 00:12:43,836 --> 00:12:45,295 No, he didn't. 221 00:12:45,379 --> 00:12:49,229 You made the "People of Seattle" column. Right here, under "The Crane Mutiny." 222 00:12:51,676 --> 00:12:53,677 "Three cheers for Dr. Frasier Crane, 223 00:12:53,761 --> 00:12:57,723 who struck a blow against rudeness yesterday in a coffee house melee." 224 00:12:57,807 --> 00:12:59,974 Oh, perfect. 225 00:13:00,058 --> 00:13:02,352 Now all of Seattle knows about my loutish behavior. 226 00:13:02,436 --> 00:13:04,645 What are you talking about? This guy had it coming. 227 00:13:04,729 --> 00:13:06,230 -I can just picture it. -[DOORBELL CHIMES] 228 00:13:06,314 --> 00:13:09,025 He probably looked at you and he thought, "This guy's a cream puff, 229 00:13:09,109 --> 00:13:14,404 -you know, a wuss, a wimp, a cupcake." -Dad! 230 00:13:14,488 --> 00:13:16,657 I'm sorry. I'm just so proud of you. 231 00:13:19,410 --> 00:13:20,911 Ah! There he is. 232 00:13:20,995 --> 00:13:24,372 The man who floats like a lepidoptera and stings like a hymenoptera. 233 00:13:28,543 --> 00:13:30,378 Niles, I think you're just jealous. 234 00:13:30,462 --> 00:13:32,338 Jealous? Don't be ridiculous. 235 00:13:32,422 --> 00:13:33,923 This is my favorite part. 236 00:13:34,007 --> 00:13:37,717 "With one swift move, the good doctor hoisted the miscreant out on his ear, 237 00:13:37,801 --> 00:13:40,846 declaring, 'What you need is an etiquette lesson!' " 238 00:13:41,430 --> 00:13:44,266 I love that. You got your own tough-guy catch phrase. 239 00:13:44,766 --> 00:13:47,716 It's perfect for you, Frasier. Dirty Harry meets Emily Post. 240 00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:52,773 Come on. Show me how you grabbed him. Use Niles. 241 00:13:52,857 --> 00:13:53,900 No, no, Dad. 242 00:13:54,525 --> 00:13:56,819 I will not toss Niles about the room. 243 00:13:56,903 --> 00:14:00,614 Oh, no, go ahead. Rough me up, Mr. Big Hero Bully Bouncer. 244 00:14:03,450 --> 00:14:05,743 -Did that sound jealous? -A tad. 245 00:14:05,827 --> 00:14:08,037 Well, all right, I'm jealous. Why shouldn't I be? 246 00:14:08,121 --> 00:14:09,622 All my life I've backed out of fights 247 00:14:09,706 --> 00:14:11,906 and watching you leap into the fray like that 248 00:14:12,958 --> 00:14:15,836 made me think just once I'd like to experience what you felt. 249 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,129 Go nose to nose. 250 00:14:17,213 --> 00:14:19,363 -Oh, your day'll come, son. -I don't know. 251 00:14:19,965 --> 00:14:22,592 I tried it this morning with my dry cleaner, Mr. Kim. 252 00:14:28,932 --> 00:14:31,725 I decided to give him a good tongue lashing because he'd shattered 253 00:14:31,809 --> 00:14:34,209 the mother of pearl buttons on my best waistcoat. 254 00:14:34,853 --> 00:14:37,647 Unfortunately, due to his tenuous grasp of English and the fact 255 00:14:37,731 --> 00:14:39,274 that his mother's name is Pearl, 256 00:14:39,358 --> 00:14:42,758 I was forced to flee his establishment amid a shower of coat hangers. 257 00:14:45,905 --> 00:14:47,281 Good morning, Dr. Crane. 258 00:14:47,365 --> 00:14:51,285 And to you, Dr. Crane, our very own knight in shining armor. 259 00:14:51,369 --> 00:14:52,578 Oh, great. 260 00:14:52,662 --> 00:14:55,372 I want you to know that your assertiveness inspired me. 261 00:14:55,456 --> 00:14:59,417 For weeks now some louse has been removing my wet clothes from the washer 262 00:14:59,501 --> 00:15:01,836 and leaving them on the table in a soggy mess. 263 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,547 This morning I decided to get my revenge, 264 00:15:04,631 --> 00:15:09,176 so I took off my new red panties and I popped them in with his whites. 265 00:15:09,260 --> 00:15:10,635 Bravo, Daphne. 266 00:15:10,719 --> 00:15:12,805 Good for you. God, I wish I'd been there. 267 00:15:15,766 --> 00:15:18,226 Daphne, don't you think you were overreacting just a bit? 268 00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:19,311 Absolutely not. 269 00:15:19,395 --> 00:15:22,105 Those were my panties and I wasn't afraid to use them. 270 00:15:23,731 --> 00:15:25,900 Fras, why do you keep backing away from this? 271 00:15:25,984 --> 00:15:27,651 You should be proud of yourself. 272 00:15:27,735 --> 00:15:30,279 We all think you did the right thing and the newspaper does too. 273 00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:33,698 Well, that's right. And I'm going to fix you a proper hero's breakfast. 274 00:15:33,782 --> 00:15:36,576 No, no, no, Daphne, please, really, it's not necessary. 275 00:15:36,660 --> 00:15:40,330 Thank you all. It's just that this isn't sitting well with me. 276 00:15:40,414 --> 00:15:43,374 I find it hard to believe any good can come of violence. 277 00:15:43,458 --> 00:15:45,459 [ROCK MUSIC BLARING OVER SPEAKERS] 278 00:15:47,837 --> 00:15:48,796 Again! 279 00:15:53,926 --> 00:15:57,345 Mr. Chainsaw, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. 280 00:15:58,555 --> 00:16:00,098 [MUSIC STOPS] 281 00:16:07,980 --> 00:16:11,150 Go ahead, Daphne, make my eggs. 282 00:16:16,155 --> 00:16:18,157 [ALL CHATTERING] 283 00:16:25,496 --> 00:16:27,706 I do wish people would stop making such a fuss. 284 00:16:27,790 --> 00:16:30,293 They will if you quit walking up and down the hall. 285 00:16:33,462 --> 00:16:35,631 -You're on in five seconds. -Oh, yes. 286 00:16:41,637 --> 00:16:43,512 Hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. 287 00:16:44,221 --> 00:16:45,472 Who's on the line, Roz? 288 00:16:45,556 --> 00:16:49,143 We have Mitch on line three. He's having trouble with his neighbors. 289 00:16:50,311 --> 00:16:52,813 -Hello, Mitch. -Make that had trouble. 290 00:16:52,897 --> 00:16:57,024 This idiot next door had his leaf blower going at 7 a.m. again. 291 00:16:57,108 --> 00:16:59,193 -Oh, that's very inconsiderate. -Yeah, I'll say. 292 00:16:59,277 --> 00:17:02,238 That's why I decided to give him an "etiquette lesson." 293 00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:05,408 I grabbed that leaf blower and smashed it against a tree. 294 00:17:08,577 --> 00:17:10,704 Mitch, I must say I'm stunned. 295 00:17:11,413 --> 00:17:15,876 I can't imagine a more extreme response to such a minor infraction. 296 00:17:16,543 --> 00:17:18,294 MAN 1: So I snuck into his backyard 297 00:17:18,378 --> 00:17:21,338 and shoved a whole pound of rotten shrimp into his air conditioner. 298 00:17:21,422 --> 00:17:22,757 Come on, summer! 299 00:17:23,966 --> 00:17:25,009 MAN 2: Hey, he asked for it. 300 00:17:25,093 --> 00:17:28,513 So I put 100 scorpions in a FedEx package. 301 00:17:30,430 --> 00:17:33,683 Look, I'm sorry, but no matter how provoked you may have been, 302 00:17:33,767 --> 00:17:38,688 there is no earthly justification for setting someone's lawn on fire! 303 00:17:38,772 --> 00:17:41,066 WOMAN: But she doesn't curb her dog! 304 00:17:43,526 --> 00:17:46,153 You don't take any guff. Why should I? 305 00:17:46,821 --> 00:17:49,615 Rochelle, all of you, look, 306 00:17:49,699 --> 00:17:53,409 don't you realize that your behavior is just a bit extreme? 307 00:17:53,493 --> 00:17:56,621 I displayed a minor bit of force in order to just make a point. 308 00:17:56,705 --> 00:18:01,167 But I didn't go around smashing windows and torching lawns. 309 00:18:01,251 --> 00:18:02,710 God, where does it end? 310 00:18:02,794 --> 00:18:04,628 ROCHELLE: Are you saying that what I did was wrong? 311 00:18:04,712 --> 00:18:05,837 Of course I am! 312 00:18:05,921 --> 00:18:09,466 -But what you did was okay? -No, no. I… 313 00:18:10,634 --> 00:18:13,679 Come to think of it, what I did was just as wrong. 314 00:18:15,264 --> 00:18:18,599 I mean, who am I to draw the line at the acceptable level of force? 315 00:18:18,683 --> 00:18:20,726 Because the next person moves a little farther 316 00:18:20,810 --> 00:18:23,145 and the next person a little farther still until we finally end up 317 00:18:23,229 --> 00:18:26,983 with scorpions flying through the mail like Christmas Bundt cakes! 318 00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:32,111 What we must all agree to do is to resolve our differences 319 00:18:32,195 --> 00:18:35,115 with discussion and reason. 320 00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:39,743 As a matter of fact, I'm going to call the gentleman that I manhandled 321 00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:43,914 and apologize to him for not having worked out our dispute in… 322 00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:47,251 In the right way in the first place, through words. 323 00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:50,421 The key here is restraint. 324 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:55,425 And I do hope you'll follow my lead, Becky, with the nail gun. 325 00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:06,309 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 326 00:19:06,393 --> 00:19:09,396 Oh, people, people, please. There's no need for that. 327 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:10,814 I am no hero. 328 00:19:13,776 --> 00:19:15,526 No one's ever given me the thumbs-up. 329 00:19:15,610 --> 00:19:17,569 Niles, I've driven on the freeway with you. 330 00:19:17,653 --> 00:19:20,031 The rest of the hand has been well represented. 331 00:19:21,866 --> 00:19:22,908 Oh, look, there he is! 332 00:19:22,992 --> 00:19:25,495 Mr. Harvey, I'm so glad you could come. 333 00:19:26,287 --> 00:19:29,664 You remember my brother Niles and, uh, we're at "our" table. 334 00:19:30,916 --> 00:19:32,917 Look, I'm here, so say what's on your mind. 335 00:19:33,001 --> 00:19:36,254 Well, there's no need for any hostility. I just came to talk. 336 00:19:36,338 --> 00:19:37,214 Talk? 337 00:19:38,006 --> 00:19:40,507 -You're not gonna take another shot at me? -No. 338 00:19:40,591 --> 00:19:43,844 -Yeah, yeah… -There'll be nothing like that here today. 339 00:19:43,928 --> 00:19:45,804 I could try to explain my behavior by saying 340 00:19:45,888 --> 00:19:48,140 that these are stressful times we live in 341 00:19:48,224 --> 00:19:50,558 and that I had reached the end of my tether but I won't do that 342 00:19:50,642 --> 00:19:52,393 because, you see, I was 100 percent wrong. 343 00:19:52,477 --> 00:19:56,027 I had absolutely no right to touch you and I accept full responsibility. 344 00:19:56,940 --> 00:19:58,774 -I'm glad to hear you say that. -Well… 345 00:19:58,858 --> 00:20:00,776 And I hope you all heard that too. 346 00:20:00,860 --> 00:20:03,695 -So then you accept my apology? -No, I'm suing you. 347 00:20:03,779 --> 00:20:06,990 And I got a lot of witnesses that just heard you admit you were wrong. 348 00:20:07,074 --> 00:20:09,367 Yes, but, but these are stressful times we live in. 349 00:20:09,451 --> 00:20:11,119 I'd reached the end of my tether. 350 00:20:11,203 --> 00:20:12,287 Tough! 351 00:20:12,371 --> 00:20:14,330 I'm nailing you for assault. 352 00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:16,540 But I hardly touched you! 353 00:20:16,624 --> 00:20:19,334 Oh, Frasier, you're not surprised he's hiding behind lawyers. 354 00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:22,088 What other behavior would you expect from a chicken? 355 00:20:25,216 --> 00:20:26,716 What did you say? 356 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:31,971 I was speaking to my brother. But to put it in language you can understand. 357 00:20:32,055 --> 00:20:33,515 -[CLUCKING] -Niles! 358 00:20:35,392 --> 00:20:37,768 This is no time for you to assert yourself. 359 00:20:37,852 --> 00:20:39,895 Hey, your brother's making trouble here. 360 00:20:40,396 --> 00:20:43,746 What are you gonna do? Flatten me with one of your big fluffy wings? 361 00:20:44,483 --> 00:20:46,401 Niles, stop it! Please excuse him. 362 00:20:46,485 --> 00:20:48,903 For God sake, Frasier, don't waste your breath on this hairy, 363 00:20:48,987 --> 00:20:51,280 knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing troglodyte 364 00:20:51,364 --> 00:20:54,909 who's probably the only male in existence who suffers from penis envy. 365 00:20:58,913 --> 00:21:00,164 You look here, buddy. 366 00:21:05,002 --> 00:21:06,044 Niles! 367 00:21:08,714 --> 00:21:10,090 Niles, are you all right? 368 00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:15,052 Counter suit. 369 00:21:16,137 --> 00:21:17,179 Oh, my God! 370 00:21:18,014 --> 00:21:19,681 Nobody move him! 371 00:21:19,765 --> 00:21:22,476 -I barely touched him! -Then you admit you touched him! 372 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:24,644 -He admits it! -[NILES GROANING] 373 00:21:24,728 --> 00:21:27,313 Oh, Niles, Niles, I'm here for you. 374 00:21:27,397 --> 00:21:31,568 I promise we're gonna get you the best care that this man's money can buy! 375 00:21:33,028 --> 00:21:36,071 My God, Niles, that was brilliant. You've even got a tear in your eye. 376 00:21:36,155 --> 00:21:37,281 I landed on a fork. 377 00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:45,372 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 378 00:21:46,373 --> 00:21:49,138 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-calling ♪ 379 00:21:49,222 --> 00:21:51,627 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 380 00:21:51,711 --> 00:21:52,837 Mercy. 381 00:21:53,296 --> 00:21:55,694 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 382 00:21:55,778 --> 00:21:58,175 ♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 383 00:21:58,259 --> 00:22:00,385 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 384 00:22:00,469 --> 00:22:02,095 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 385 00:22:02,179 --> 00:22:05,223 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 386 00:22:07,476 --> 00:22:09,311 ♪ They're calling again ♪ 387 00:22:10,103 --> 00:22:12,646 Scrambled eggs all over my face. 388 00:22:12,730 --> 00:22:14,315 What is a boy to do? 389 00:22:16,901 --> 00:22:18,027 Good night!