1 00:00:02,025 --> 00:00:04,028 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:09,826 --> 00:00:10,952 Good morning, Daphne. Dad. 3 00:00:11,036 --> 00:00:13,956 Shh. You'll ruin his concentration. 4 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:17,252 He's on a stakeout to catch whoever's been pinching our newspaper. 5 00:00:17,336 --> 00:00:19,379 He's been at it for over an hour. 6 00:00:19,463 --> 00:00:22,508 I must say, I can see why he was such a good policeman. 7 00:00:22,592 --> 00:00:24,594 [SNORING] 8 00:00:25,804 --> 00:00:27,404 Dad's very impressive, isn't he? 9 00:00:27,890 --> 00:00:30,601 When he wakes up, you must get him to tell you about his stint 10 00:00:30,685 --> 00:00:32,812 as security coordinator for Jimmy Hoffa. 11 00:00:33,940 --> 00:00:35,732 [DOORBELL RINGS] 12 00:00:35,816 --> 00:00:38,653 -Dad, come on. Rise and shine. -Huh? 13 00:00:38,737 --> 00:00:40,447 -You fell asleep. -Oh. 14 00:00:42,074 --> 00:00:43,242 -Oh, good morning, Niles. -Hello. 15 00:00:43,326 --> 00:00:46,787 Ah, yes, I see our newspaper thief has struck again. 16 00:00:46,871 --> 00:00:49,083 -Damn, he's good. -Come on in. 17 00:00:51,502 --> 00:00:53,754 This morning, for the first time since our separation, 18 00:00:53,838 --> 00:00:57,759 Maris actually picked up the phone and called me. She needs a favor. 19 00:00:57,843 --> 00:01:00,193 Niles, I think that's hardly cause to celebrate. 20 00:01:00,556 --> 00:01:02,098 She called you because she wants something? 21 00:01:02,182 --> 00:01:04,100 No, not "wants," Frasier. "Needs." 22 00:01:04,184 --> 00:01:06,812 This is my chance to show her how necessary I really am to her, 23 00:01:06,896 --> 00:01:08,898 and all I have to do is fix one small problem. 24 00:01:08,982 --> 00:01:10,108 What's the problem? 25 00:01:10,192 --> 00:01:11,777 Uh, she's wanted by the police. 26 00:01:14,739 --> 00:01:17,450 Apparently, she was driving past a shoe store last week, 27 00:01:17,534 --> 00:01:20,829 when she spotted a stunning pair of Ferragamo pumps in the window. 28 00:01:20,913 --> 00:01:24,250 Well, I need not remind you what effect a Ferragamo sighting can have 29 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,169 on Maris' hand/eye coordination. 30 00:01:27,422 --> 00:01:29,089 She drove up on the sidewalk, 31 00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:32,010 and when the police ran her name through the computer, 32 00:01:32,094 --> 00:01:35,044 they found quite a little backlog of unpaid parking tickets. 33 00:01:35,598 --> 00:01:37,225 What else would you expect from a woman 34 00:01:37,309 --> 00:01:41,109 who thinks her chocolate allergy entitles her to park in a handicapped space? 35 00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:45,150 Oh, and to top it all off, she neglected to appear for her summons, 36 00:01:45,234 --> 00:01:48,821 so they immediately swore out a warrant, and that brings us to you, Dad. 37 00:01:48,905 --> 00:01:49,949 Why? 38 00:01:50,617 --> 00:01:51,575 You were a cop. 39 00:01:51,659 --> 00:01:54,413 I'm sure you still have chums, hint, hint… 40 00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:57,189 Who could lend you a hand, wink, wink. 41 00:01:58,877 --> 00:02:01,879 Yeah, look, you know I'd do anything for you, but not this. 42 00:02:01,963 --> 00:02:04,258 All my years on the force, I never even fixed a ticket, 43 00:02:04,342 --> 00:02:06,760 -let alone an arrest warrant. -Wh… 44 00:02:06,844 --> 00:02:09,597 -You couldn't pull one little string? -I hope it works out for you, 45 00:02:09,681 --> 00:02:11,599 but I think the law should be the same for everyone. 46 00:02:11,683 --> 00:02:12,851 Well, it's not. 47 00:02:12,935 --> 00:02:14,436 We don't like to believe justice is blind, 48 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:18,025 but the sad truth is wealthy white women just can't get a fair shake. 49 00:02:20,653 --> 00:02:23,114 -The courts love to make examples of them. -DAPHNE: Oh, they do. 50 00:02:23,198 --> 00:02:25,826 Just think of Zsa Zsa Gabor or Leona Helmsley. 51 00:02:25,910 --> 00:02:30,957 Oh, yes, two perfectly lovely women victimized by an unjust system. 52 00:02:32,292 --> 00:02:35,254 All right, fine. You won't help me, I'll help myself. 53 00:02:35,338 --> 00:02:38,632 I'm going down to that precinct house, and I'm not leaving till I get justice. 54 00:02:38,716 --> 00:02:41,136 Not exactly justice, I suppose. More like preferential treatment. 55 00:02:41,220 --> 00:02:43,055 But I'm not leaving till get it. 56 00:02:44,683 --> 00:02:46,392 What a horrible thing to happen. 57 00:02:46,476 --> 00:02:49,730 Can you picture poor Mrs. Crane confined to a jail cell? 58 00:02:49,814 --> 00:02:52,441 Only if they move the bars closer together. 59 00:02:59,325 --> 00:03:00,951 FRASIER: Well, that's it for today, folks. 60 00:03:01,035 --> 00:03:04,790 This is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you good mental health. 61 00:03:06,042 --> 00:03:09,920 Frasier, I feel as if I'm being sucked into a vortex of rage and despair. 62 00:03:10,004 --> 00:03:11,465 Well, right back at you. 63 00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:15,720 I take it things didn't go so well down at the station? 64 00:03:15,804 --> 00:03:17,555 The police simply would not listen to reason. 65 00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:18,807 Police? 66 00:03:19,307 --> 00:03:22,186 They're persecuting my Maris over some silly parking fines. 67 00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:25,273 I felt sure they'd ease up if they just understood Maris a little better, 68 00:03:25,357 --> 00:03:27,943 -so I tried to explain her to them. -Oh, dear God. 69 00:03:29,821 --> 00:03:32,156 I dated a guy once who got in trouble with the cops. 70 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:35,828 Notice the complete absence of gasps following that statement. 71 00:03:37,372 --> 00:03:40,375 Okay. Okay, fine, you little weasel. Just forget it. 72 00:03:40,459 --> 00:03:43,128 I was gonna help you. Maris can just rot in the slammer. 73 00:03:43,212 --> 00:03:45,840 Oh. Roz, I was joshing. 74 00:03:47,009 --> 00:03:48,802 I know how you enjoy our little by-play. 75 00:03:48,886 --> 00:03:51,097 That weasel line, ouch. Touché. 76 00:03:53,516 --> 00:03:55,894 You know what? You're even more annoying when you grovel. 77 00:03:55,978 --> 00:03:57,271 Zing! Got me again! 78 00:03:58,981 --> 00:04:01,693 Roz, if not for his sake, then for mine, please. 79 00:04:01,777 --> 00:04:03,528 Okay, for you. 80 00:04:04,112 --> 00:04:06,990 My friend Phil had some major traffic violations. 81 00:04:07,074 --> 00:04:11,955 And he was so freaked that he called this guy who, you know, fixes things. 82 00:04:12,039 --> 00:04:16,794 Uh… Sounds just a tad shady, Roz. You mean, he went to some hoodlum? 83 00:04:16,878 --> 00:04:19,528 Well, I wouldn't use the word hoodlum in front of him. 84 00:04:21,675 --> 00:04:24,554 Just think of him as someone who makes wishes come true. 85 00:04:26,431 --> 00:04:28,059 Like a fairy godfather. 86 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,210 Another word I wouldn't use in front of him. 87 00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,441 Here we go. Jerome Belasco. 88 00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:37,236 Oh, Roz, you are an angel of mercy. How can I repay you? 89 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,989 The next time you think of some witty little thing to say 90 00:04:40,073 --> 00:04:43,244 about my sex life or what I'm wearing, just keep it to yourself. 91 00:04:44,788 --> 00:04:45,831 Consider it done. 92 00:04:47,165 --> 00:04:49,668 -Give me that. -No, give me that. 93 00:04:49,752 --> 00:04:51,378 -Frasier. -Are you mad? 94 00:04:51,462 --> 00:04:54,090 I will not have you turning a minor, albeit annoying, situation 95 00:04:54,174 --> 00:04:55,717 into a Martin Scorsese film. 96 00:04:57,511 --> 00:04:59,013 You don't understand what this means to me. 97 00:04:59,097 --> 00:05:01,849 When Maris asked me for this favor, do you know what she said? 98 00:05:01,933 --> 00:05:05,187 She said, "Niles, will you be my Commodore?" 99 00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:07,148 Her "Commodore"? 100 00:05:07,232 --> 00:05:09,734 -That's what she used to call her father. -Ah. 101 00:05:09,818 --> 00:05:13,071 Frasier, there was no problem so great that that man couldn't fix it. 102 00:05:13,155 --> 00:05:14,448 I'm sure. 103 00:05:14,532 --> 00:05:16,618 Remember that lovely jeweled crucifix 104 00:05:16,702 --> 00:05:18,870 Maris picked up on her First Communion trip to Rome? 105 00:05:18,954 --> 00:05:21,654 Who do you think smoothed things over with the Vatican? 106 00:05:24,711 --> 00:05:26,546 Yes, whatever happened to the days 107 00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:28,548 when a parent would take a wayward child by the hand, 108 00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:31,052 march them back to the scene of the crime and make them say, 109 00:05:31,136 --> 00:05:33,679 "I'm sorry, Your Holiness, it'll never happen again"? 110 00:05:33,763 --> 00:05:35,224 You don't understand. 111 00:05:35,308 --> 00:05:38,770 If I show Maris that I can step into the Commodore's plimsoles, 112 00:05:38,854 --> 00:05:40,647 she'll have a whole new respect for me. 113 00:05:40,731 --> 00:05:43,067 We can rebuild our marriage on a healthier foundation. 114 00:05:43,151 --> 00:05:44,027 Frasier… 115 00:05:44,736 --> 00:05:45,778 Please. 116 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,119 Oh. Thank you. 117 00:05:52,203 --> 00:05:54,705 I just know this man is the answer to my problems. 118 00:05:54,789 --> 00:05:58,043 Yes, who better to mend the fragile fabric of a troubled marriage 119 00:05:58,127 --> 00:06:00,421 than a man whose business address is a wharf. 120 00:06:04,509 --> 00:06:06,637 FRASIER: Niles. Look, this is ridiculous. 121 00:06:06,721 --> 00:06:08,764 It's past midnight. I'm leaving. 122 00:06:08,848 --> 00:06:11,101 No, no, no, you can't leave. You're my backup. 123 00:06:14,188 --> 00:06:15,607 Wonder what's keeping him? 124 00:06:22,198 --> 00:06:23,659 Do you suppose that's him? 125 00:06:24,576 --> 00:06:26,620 I doubt it. That overcoat is Armani. 126 00:06:28,373 --> 00:06:32,423 Good point. Where would a criminal come up with the money for something like that? 127 00:06:35,756 --> 00:06:40,094 -You're Dr. Crane, I presume? -Oh, yes, I'm Niles Crane. 128 00:06:40,178 --> 00:06:42,139 This is my brother, Dr. Frasier Crane. 129 00:06:42,223 --> 00:06:44,349 -Oh, Jerome Belasco. -Pleasure. 130 00:06:44,433 --> 00:06:48,771 Excuse my tardiness. My lady friend and I were having one of those discussions 131 00:06:48,855 --> 00:06:51,191 from which it is difficult to remove oneself. 132 00:06:51,275 --> 00:06:53,402 We certainly know about those, don't we? 133 00:06:53,486 --> 00:06:55,322 Yes. Dames! 134 00:06:57,658 --> 00:07:00,536 So you have some problem you think I can help you with? 135 00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,622 Uh, well, I do. Please, Jerome. 136 00:07:03,289 --> 00:07:04,125 [CLEARS THROAT] 137 00:07:05,126 --> 00:07:10,131 Uh, you see, last week my lady got on the wrong side of Larry Law, 138 00:07:10,215 --> 00:07:13,928 and since then, certain, shall we say, complications have arisen. 139 00:07:14,012 --> 00:07:16,513 And in brief, things are hot, hot, hot, 140 00:07:16,597 --> 00:07:19,947 and we believe that you are the man to turn on the air conditionin'. 141 00:07:23,314 --> 00:07:25,817 I sense you're a film buff, Dr. Crane. 142 00:07:27,820 --> 00:07:30,520 -Just show him the charges, Niles. -Yes, here you go. 143 00:07:30,866 --> 00:07:31,783 Quite a few… 144 00:07:33,201 --> 00:07:36,372 "Ignoring a summons," "Speeding," "Reckless endangerment." 145 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,958 Your wife sounds like a very carefree lady. 146 00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,003 Oh, yes, she's ounces of fun. 147 00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:48,345 Uh, do you think you could persuade the police to show some leniency? 148 00:07:48,429 --> 00:07:50,679 There's never any harm in making a phone call. 149 00:07:51,015 --> 00:07:52,474 -Excuse me. -Thank you. 150 00:07:52,558 --> 00:07:54,644 Yes, around and straight to the back. 151 00:07:56,605 --> 00:07:58,733 He's making the call. He's making the call. 152 00:07:59,317 --> 00:08:03,017 Frasier, you're going to think I'm crazy for saying this, but that was fun. 153 00:08:05,199 --> 00:08:09,495 Well, I must admit, Niles, it is not entirely unpleasant 154 00:08:09,579 --> 00:08:13,125 to rub shoulders with the demimonde. 155 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:16,796 I definitely felt a real testosterone surge, you know. 156 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:19,758 Me too. Me too. It's like an actual tingling in my chest. 157 00:08:19,842 --> 00:08:21,511 Hm. And now it's gone. 158 00:08:22,929 --> 00:08:23,930 There it is again. 159 00:08:25,307 --> 00:08:26,266 And now it's gone. 160 00:08:27,309 --> 00:08:30,063 Oh, Niles, must be your cellular phone vibrating. 161 00:08:31,064 --> 00:08:32,464 Oh, it is. Oh, you're right. 162 00:08:36,821 --> 00:08:39,240 Hello. Oh, hello, Maris. 163 00:08:39,324 --> 00:08:42,536 Uh, yes, I'm tending to that very matter right now. 164 00:08:42,620 --> 00:08:45,205 Wait, just hold one second. One second. 165 00:08:45,289 --> 00:08:48,544 -Well? -You may consider the matter dealt with. 166 00:08:49,169 --> 00:08:50,628 Oh. Oh. 167 00:08:50,712 --> 00:08:53,216 Maris? It's all taken care of. 168 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:55,468 What did you say? 169 00:08:57,346 --> 00:09:00,308 No, I just never heard you use those words before. 170 00:09:00,934 --> 00:09:01,768 Um… 171 00:09:02,310 --> 00:09:03,186 You're welcome. 172 00:09:06,983 --> 00:09:09,862 Oh, Jerome, thank you. 173 00:09:10,529 --> 00:09:14,033 Now if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I have another business engagement. 174 00:09:14,117 --> 00:09:16,452 -Oh. -At this hour? My God, it's past midnight. 175 00:09:16,536 --> 00:09:20,586 What kind of business… could it possibly be of mine where you're going? [LAUGHS] 176 00:09:21,834 --> 00:09:23,961 -Tell me, what do I owe you? -Oh, nothing. 177 00:09:24,045 --> 00:09:27,174 -I was happy I could help. -Oh, don't be silly. I insist. 178 00:09:27,258 --> 00:09:28,634 Consider it a favor. 179 00:09:28,718 --> 00:09:30,761 I was in a position to help you. 180 00:09:31,429 --> 00:09:34,140 Perhaps someday you'll be in a position to help me. 181 00:09:34,224 --> 00:09:35,600 I would love that. 182 00:09:35,684 --> 00:09:39,188 If there's ever anything I can do for you, you just say the word. 183 00:09:39,272 --> 00:09:41,650 You're very kind. It's a pleasure meeting you both. 184 00:09:41,734 --> 00:09:42,734 -Likewise. -And you. 185 00:09:42,818 --> 00:09:45,655 And I meant that. Anything at all, you just let me know. 186 00:09:48,325 --> 00:09:50,175 I shouldn't have said that, should I? 187 00:09:56,126 --> 00:09:58,128 [LOCK CLICKS] 188 00:10:00,340 --> 00:10:02,050 -Oh. -Dr. Crane. 189 00:10:03,052 --> 00:10:05,971 Jerome. Look, Niles, it's Jerome. 190 00:10:06,931 --> 00:10:07,891 In my house. 191 00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:12,062 We've been having the most delightful chat. 192 00:10:12,146 --> 00:10:13,647 Dr. Crane, you're a lucky man 193 00:10:13,731 --> 00:10:15,899 to have such a charming young woman in your employ. 194 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,362 Oh. Go on. [CHUCKLES] 195 00:10:19,446 --> 00:10:22,783 Did you know his brother supplied the cement for this very building? 196 00:10:22,867 --> 00:10:23,701 NILES: Oh. 197 00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:29,416 Well, what a small world. Oh, look at the time. 198 00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:32,253 Uh, so, Jerome, you didn't tell us what line of work you're in. 199 00:10:32,337 --> 00:10:35,465 Oh, wait. Let me guess. I'm a bit psychic. 200 00:10:35,549 --> 00:10:38,135 Now let's see… Hm. 201 00:10:38,219 --> 00:10:41,181 You're some sort of a doctor. 202 00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:43,893 -An osteopath perhaps? -No. 203 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,144 Well, that's odd. 204 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:48,357 I can see you hovering over people with broken bones. 205 00:10:51,235 --> 00:10:54,947 Uh, boys, why don't you help me get some refreshments for your new friend? 206 00:10:55,031 --> 00:10:58,411 Yes! Yes! Excuse us, Jerome. 207 00:11:00,621 --> 00:11:02,123 [WHISPERS] Who the hell is this guy? 208 00:11:02,207 --> 00:11:05,335 He's some hooligan who helped fix Maris' legal problem. 209 00:11:05,419 --> 00:11:08,119 And in return I promised him a favor. And… Oh, God… 210 00:11:09,716 --> 00:11:11,384 Do you think that's why he's here? To collect? 211 00:11:11,468 --> 00:11:15,640 No, Niles. He's probably hosting a luau. He came by to borrow our poi ramekins. 212 00:11:18,184 --> 00:11:20,812 Are you guys nuts? You don't get involved with somebody like that. 213 00:11:20,896 --> 00:11:23,357 Before we panic, we should at least talk to him, 214 00:11:23,441 --> 00:11:26,291 you know, get the straight dope. Also known as the skinny. 215 00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:28,698 Knock it off, Bugsy. 216 00:11:32,368 --> 00:11:35,956 Stealing newspapers is most un-neighborly behavior. 217 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,584 Now if you would like, I could find out who's doing it 218 00:11:38,668 --> 00:11:42,618 -and make sure they never even think… -Oh, no, no, that's all right. Really. 219 00:11:43,549 --> 00:11:46,010 So, Jerome, is there something we can do for you? 220 00:11:46,094 --> 00:11:49,764 Well, since you ask, you may recall the other evening I mentioned my lady friend. 221 00:11:49,848 --> 00:11:50,808 If I may… 222 00:11:54,479 --> 00:11:55,314 Oh. 223 00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:59,485 She's a pretty thing, isn't she? 224 00:11:59,569 --> 00:12:02,446 Heh. This is at the dog track where we met. 225 00:12:02,530 --> 00:12:03,489 -Oh. -Oh. 226 00:12:03,573 --> 00:12:05,909 And here's our first Sinatra concert. 227 00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:06,952 Oh. 228 00:12:08,287 --> 00:12:11,750 Oh, this was at the funeral of a business associate. 229 00:12:14,379 --> 00:12:16,088 You know, for the life of me, 230 00:12:16,172 --> 00:12:19,426 I can't recall ever seeing a woman wearing so many different kinds of furs 231 00:12:19,510 --> 00:12:20,636 all at the same time. 232 00:12:22,013 --> 00:12:24,891 Brandy is a uniquely stylish woman. 233 00:12:25,683 --> 00:12:28,270 -Brandy? -Yeah, the traditional spelling. 234 00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:37,656 We've been engaged for eight years, yet she refuses to set a wedding date. 235 00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:39,659 Oh, this upsets me. 236 00:12:39,743 --> 00:12:44,540 It also upsets my mother whose comments on the subject are frequent and vivid. 237 00:12:44,624 --> 00:12:46,375 So where do these two come in? 238 00:12:46,459 --> 00:12:49,629 Well, she's reluctant to marry me. Obviously she needs therapy. 239 00:12:49,713 --> 00:12:51,757 -Oh. -Well, you know, you're in luck. 240 00:12:51,841 --> 00:12:55,053 Niles happens to be one of the finest marriage counselors in all of Seattle. 241 00:12:55,137 --> 00:12:58,223 Well, actually, Dr. Crane, I would prefer that Brandy spoke to you. 242 00:12:58,307 --> 00:12:59,516 To me? 243 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,435 Yeah, no offense to you, Dr. Crane. 244 00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:02,729 None taken. 245 00:13:08,653 --> 00:13:11,031 She's a great fan of your show. 246 00:13:11,115 --> 00:13:14,452 I'm sure she'd heed any advice that you might care to offer, 247 00:13:15,119 --> 00:13:17,998 such as, "Marry him. Promptly." 248 00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:19,832 [CHUCKLES] 249 00:13:19,916 --> 00:13:21,418 [LAUGHS] 250 00:13:21,502 --> 00:13:25,131 Yeah, but I'm not here to put words in your mouth. 251 00:13:25,215 --> 00:13:26,425 You'll know what to say. 252 00:13:27,801 --> 00:13:29,012 Uh, Jerome, uh… 253 00:13:30,889 --> 00:13:33,600 You know, I'm a psychiatrist. 254 00:13:33,684 --> 00:13:38,064 I'm used to rendering my opinion, not being the mouthpiece for someone else. 255 00:13:38,148 --> 00:13:40,098 I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this. 256 00:13:40,817 --> 00:13:42,235 Oh, Dr. Crane, 257 00:13:43,196 --> 00:13:46,782 you know, sometimes in life we must do unpleasant things. 258 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:51,163 I hate to tell you some of the unpleasant things that I've had to do. 259 00:13:53,458 --> 00:13:54,292 I see. 260 00:13:55,627 --> 00:14:00,257 Well, then, why don't you just give Brandy my unlisted home number 261 00:14:00,341 --> 00:14:03,891 which I'm sure you came across while you were finding out where I lived. 262 00:14:06,307 --> 00:14:07,975 I'll be glad to chat with her. 263 00:14:08,059 --> 00:14:11,020 Well, thank you. She'll be in touch. 264 00:14:11,104 --> 00:14:13,941 And I hope that very soon you'll dance at my wedding. 265 00:14:14,025 --> 00:14:16,236 [FRASIER LAUGHING] 266 00:14:17,111 --> 00:14:18,489 If I'm able to dance. 267 00:14:20,407 --> 00:14:22,075 If you ask me, you're getting off easy. 268 00:14:22,159 --> 00:14:24,287 He could've asked you for a much bigger favor. 269 00:14:24,371 --> 00:14:26,914 Dad, how can I possibly as a self-respecting psychiatrist 270 00:14:26,998 --> 00:14:28,709 tell any woman to marry that thug? 271 00:14:28,793 --> 00:14:32,172 What are you talking about? He seemed very nice to me. 272 00:14:32,256 --> 00:14:35,259 This from the psychic who said he was a chiropractor. 273 00:14:37,011 --> 00:14:38,471 MARTIN: Listen, I've heard your show. 274 00:14:38,555 --> 00:14:41,600 One more piece of half-assed advice isn't gonna kill you. 275 00:14:46,064 --> 00:14:48,567 -Jerome, on the other hand… -Okay, Dad. 276 00:14:51,112 --> 00:14:53,280 The key to lasting weight loss 277 00:14:53,364 --> 00:14:56,159 is to change the way you view food every day. 278 00:14:56,785 --> 00:14:58,495 You can't go on through life bingeing 279 00:14:58,579 --> 00:15:00,247 and then starving yourself for two weeks 280 00:15:00,331 --> 00:15:02,291 just to fit into that new gorgeous evening gown 281 00:15:02,375 --> 00:15:04,085 you bought for a special occasion. 282 00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:05,369 Can you understand that? 283 00:15:05,963 --> 00:15:08,466 MAN: Yeah. Thanks, Doc. 284 00:15:15,016 --> 00:15:16,309 Don't mention it, Steve. 285 00:15:17,519 --> 00:15:18,686 Roz, who's the next caller? 286 00:15:18,770 --> 00:15:21,316 We have Randy from Richmond Beach. 287 00:15:21,983 --> 00:15:23,609 Hello, Randy, I'm listening. 288 00:15:23,693 --> 00:15:25,904 Not Randy, Brandy. 289 00:15:28,449 --> 00:15:31,286 -Brandy. -The traditional spelling. 290 00:15:32,954 --> 00:15:36,041 We're all out of time. My goodness, I feel so sorry about that, but… 291 00:15:36,125 --> 00:15:38,460 No, we're not. We've got five minutes left. 292 00:15:38,544 --> 00:15:39,713 Thank you, Roz. 293 00:15:42,424 --> 00:15:44,552 All right, Brandy, go ahead, your problem, please. 294 00:15:44,636 --> 00:15:46,637 Well, it's my boyfriend, Jerome. 295 00:15:46,721 --> 00:15:51,726 He said I should call you. We've been sort of semi-engaged for eight years. 296 00:15:51,810 --> 00:15:53,145 He wants to get married. 297 00:15:53,229 --> 00:15:57,776 Well… I can certainly hear the love in your voice, so I say case closed! 298 00:15:57,860 --> 00:16:01,781 -Best of luck to you in the future. -Whoa! You got a bus to catch? 299 00:16:01,865 --> 00:16:05,743 There's a lot more to it. I mean, for starters, I think he's cheated on me. 300 00:16:05,827 --> 00:16:08,706 Well, in my experience, when you suspect something like that, 301 00:16:08,790 --> 00:16:10,793 nine out of ten times you're right. 302 00:16:12,753 --> 00:16:17,050 As far as I'm concerned, I think a little mistrust adds mystery to a relationship. 303 00:16:22,723 --> 00:16:26,477 Mystery I could stand if he didn't neglect me so much. 304 00:16:26,561 --> 00:16:30,566 I mean, every time we go for a romantic dinner, he gets a phone call and, bang, 305 00:16:30,650 --> 00:16:34,529 it's "Gotta work, babe. Finish your lobster. I'll send a limo for you." 306 00:16:34,613 --> 00:16:39,327 Lobster? Limos? My God, give me his number, I'll marry him! 307 00:16:39,411 --> 00:16:40,370 [LAUGHS] 308 00:16:42,331 --> 00:16:47,170 Money ain't everything. Especially when you got a sex life like ours. 309 00:16:47,254 --> 00:16:49,672 -He's not even good in bed? -Who knows? 310 00:16:49,756 --> 00:16:51,884 We're never there long enough to find out. 311 00:16:51,968 --> 00:16:53,677 You know, this really isn't necessary… 312 00:16:53,761 --> 00:16:58,058 I said to him last night, "What the hell was that? I've been vaccinated slower!" 313 00:17:07,486 --> 00:17:12,075 Well, that just leaves more time to cuddle. 314 00:17:12,743 --> 00:17:14,495 -Can I say something? -No! 315 00:17:14,579 --> 00:17:19,334 Look, I can deal with the other problems if it weren't for one thing. 316 00:17:19,877 --> 00:17:23,506 All my life I've dreamed of being a career woman, 317 00:17:23,590 --> 00:17:25,549 but he says I'm not allowed to work. 318 00:17:25,633 --> 00:17:28,929 I'm supposed to sit home all day, let him take care of me. 319 00:17:29,472 --> 00:17:31,933 So what do you think, Doc? Should I marry him? 320 00:17:33,351 --> 00:17:34,394 Well… 321 00:17:36,147 --> 00:17:39,776 Taking into account that the years you've invested in the relationship 322 00:17:40,486 --> 00:17:44,657 and Jerome's obvious love for you, not to mention his generosity… 323 00:17:44,741 --> 00:17:47,535 No, what? Tell me what you think, Dr. Crane, 324 00:17:47,619 --> 00:17:50,581 because I really, really respect you. 325 00:17:56,004 --> 00:17:56,922 Brandy. 326 00:17:57,923 --> 00:17:58,758 Run! 327 00:17:59,342 --> 00:18:01,928 Save yourself! Do not marry this man! 328 00:18:03,514 --> 00:18:05,964 This is Dr. Frasier Crane saying good night and… 329 00:18:06,935 --> 00:18:08,728 See you, God willing, tomorrow. 330 00:18:13,317 --> 00:18:15,904 Yes, I'll have a non-fat decaf latte, please. 331 00:18:16,905 --> 00:18:21,077 Oh, what the hell? Look, make it a full-fat mocha, extra whipped cream. 332 00:18:23,162 --> 00:18:25,412 What the hell? Put a slice of bacon on it too. 333 00:18:28,794 --> 00:18:31,672 -Hello, Frasier. -Niles, don't… Don't do that! 334 00:18:31,756 --> 00:18:34,176 Sorry. I'm sorry. Double espresso, please. 335 00:18:34,969 --> 00:18:38,169 I heard you on the radio today. I thought what you did was noble. 336 00:18:39,349 --> 00:18:41,799 To what South American nation will you be fleeing? 337 00:18:43,145 --> 00:18:44,563 Oh, like I'd tell you. 338 00:18:44,647 --> 00:18:48,047 One minute of interrogation and you would crack like a Jordan almond. 339 00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:50,904 Frasier, I never meant for any of this to happen. 340 00:18:50,988 --> 00:18:53,741 -How long are you going to stay mad at me? -For as long as I live. 341 00:18:53,825 --> 00:18:55,575 Probably take us through breakfast. 342 00:18:57,454 --> 00:18:59,206 Oops, wrong again. 343 00:19:00,124 --> 00:19:01,083 Oh. Oh. 344 00:19:01,167 --> 00:19:04,045 Look. It's Jerome Belasco. Jerome, take a seat. 345 00:19:04,129 --> 00:19:07,174 Look, Frasier, it's our friend, Jerome Belasco! 346 00:19:12,639 --> 00:19:14,225 [JEROME SIGHS] 347 00:19:18,898 --> 00:19:21,275 Heard your broadcast this afternoon. 348 00:19:22,192 --> 00:19:23,361 Displeased me. 349 00:19:25,655 --> 00:19:27,950 Let me have a little hot milk, please. 350 00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:33,706 When I'm displeased, I get acid in my stomach, Dr. Crane. 351 00:19:33,790 --> 00:19:38,796 Believe me, the last thing I want to do is displease you. 352 00:19:39,756 --> 00:19:45,095 Or to hear the words "acid" and "Dr. Crane" in the same sentence. 353 00:19:47,515 --> 00:19:50,853 But, Jerome, I'm sorry, how could I have advised her otherwise? 354 00:19:50,937 --> 00:19:52,771 She said that you cheated on her. 355 00:19:52,855 --> 00:19:57,235 She said she suspected me. I've never cheated on Ms. Brandy. 356 00:19:57,319 --> 00:19:58,769 All right, be that as it may, 357 00:19:59,656 --> 00:20:02,241 how could I advise a woman to marry a man who's so controlling 358 00:20:02,325 --> 00:20:03,994 that he won't even allow her to work? 359 00:20:04,078 --> 00:20:07,163 It may interest you to know that over the years I've called in favors 360 00:20:07,247 --> 00:20:10,085 to get Miss Brandy 14 jobs. 361 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,422 She lost all of them. 362 00:20:13,506 --> 00:20:17,927 So you're saying she's had trouble finding her niche? 363 00:20:18,011 --> 00:20:19,846 No, I'm saying she's a dodo. 364 00:20:22,266 --> 00:20:23,851 Now you may love a dodo. 365 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,397 You may think the dodo is beautiful. 366 00:20:27,231 --> 00:20:29,566 You may even wish to marry the dodo. 367 00:20:29,650 --> 00:20:32,404 But you do not encourage a dodo to fly. 368 00:20:35,116 --> 00:20:37,916 And when she loses these jobs, it makes her very unhappy. 369 00:20:38,619 --> 00:20:41,248 So, for her sake, I said no more jobs. 370 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,752 But now, in order to convince her to marry me, 371 00:20:45,336 --> 00:20:47,171 I've had to reverse this policy. 372 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,925 So she has agreed to marry you? 373 00:20:50,009 --> 00:20:51,843 If I get her a job. 374 00:20:51,927 --> 00:20:56,266 Not just any job, a job that she can never lose. 375 00:20:57,351 --> 00:20:59,686 A job where if she burns the place down, 376 00:20:59,770 --> 00:21:03,400 they will apologize to her for having made it so flammable. 377 00:21:06,779 --> 00:21:10,116 Well, good luck finding someone who'll hire her. 378 00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:18,334 Oh. 379 00:21:23,507 --> 00:21:25,843 Oh, Dr. Crane, your brother called. 380 00:21:25,927 --> 00:21:28,179 The court time for your tennis game is 11 o'clock. 381 00:21:28,263 --> 00:21:31,100 Oh, good lord. I distinctly told him I wasn't available till noon. 382 00:21:31,184 --> 00:21:34,334 Hey, if you're gonna call him back, put it on the speaker phone. 383 00:21:35,647 --> 00:21:37,483 Don't you think this is getting a little old? 384 00:21:37,567 --> 00:21:39,610 Well, I think it's just mean is what I think. 385 00:21:39,694 --> 00:21:41,404 So sue me. I enjoy it. 386 00:21:45,534 --> 00:21:47,913 [LINE RINGING] 387 00:21:48,622 --> 00:21:52,418 Good morning, Niles Crane, psychiatrist. 388 00:21:57,716 --> 00:22:00,428 Yes, is Dr. Crane there? This is his brother Frasier. 389 00:22:00,512 --> 00:22:04,015 Oh, hi, Dr. Crane, it's me, Brandy. 390 00:22:04,099 --> 00:22:06,893 Hang on, hon, I'm getting another call. Gotta put you on hold. 391 00:22:06,977 --> 00:22:08,312 [DIAL TONE] 392 00:22:13,486 --> 00:22:14,486 [THEME SONG PLAYING] 393 00:22:14,570 --> 00:22:17,265 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 394 00:22:17,349 --> 00:22:19,576 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 395 00:22:20,202 --> 00:22:21,619 Quite stylish. 396 00:22:21,703 --> 00:22:23,873 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 397 00:22:23,957 --> 00:22:26,625 ♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 398 00:22:26,709 --> 00:22:28,795 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 399 00:22:28,879 --> 00:22:30,380 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 400 00:22:30,464 --> 00:22:34,010 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 401 00:22:34,594 --> 00:22:37,264 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 402 00:22:37,348 --> 00:22:38,891 Good night, everybody!