1 00:00:02,337 --> 00:00:04,339 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:20,686 -Morning. -Morning. 3 00:00:22,103 --> 00:00:25,898 Morning? Oh, my God, Joe, get up. Get up. 4 00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:28,232 You were supposed to be out of here hours ago. 5 00:00:28,652 --> 00:00:32,154 You promised me that after we did the deed, you'd be on your merry way. 6 00:00:33,656 --> 00:00:35,824 -I was. -Get dressed. 7 00:00:35,908 --> 00:00:38,576 We've got to get you out of here before Dr. Crane gets up. 8 00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:39,494 Okay. 9 00:00:40,495 --> 00:00:43,205 Oh, no. I smell coffee. 10 00:00:43,289 --> 00:00:44,206 They're already up. 11 00:00:44,290 --> 00:00:46,833 Don't worry. I'll just lay low until the two of them are… 12 00:00:46,917 --> 00:00:50,044 Oh, my God, it's nine o'clock. I'm a half-hour late for work. 13 00:00:50,128 --> 00:00:51,963 Just give me a minute. I'll get rid of them. 14 00:00:52,047 --> 00:00:53,465 Where's my underwear? 15 00:00:55,633 --> 00:00:57,134 Eddie, get back here. 16 00:00:59,262 --> 00:01:00,263 [MARTIN GROANS] 17 00:01:01,973 --> 00:01:04,640 -Good morning. -Maybe for you. 18 00:01:04,724 --> 00:01:07,810 I just spent five minutes trying to button these pants. 19 00:01:07,894 --> 00:01:11,438 That stupid dryer shrunk another pair on me. 20 00:01:15,818 --> 00:01:17,903 Dad, before you blame the dryer, 21 00:01:17,987 --> 00:01:20,696 have you ever considered stepping on the old bathroom scale? 22 00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:21,739 Oh, what's the point? 23 00:01:21,823 --> 00:01:24,075 That thing's been ten pounds off for weeks. 24 00:01:29,079 --> 00:01:29,997 [THUMPS] 25 00:01:31,456 --> 00:01:34,959 -Daphne? -Oh, good morning, Dr. Crane. 26 00:01:35,043 --> 00:01:36,877 Sorry I overslept. 27 00:01:36,961 --> 00:01:39,505 Well, time we all got our day started. 28 00:01:39,589 --> 00:01:41,006 I'll just clear these dishes away. 29 00:01:41,090 --> 00:01:42,758 I wasn't finished with my Long John yet. 30 00:01:42,842 --> 00:01:44,010 Oops, sorry about that. 31 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:47,845 Daphne, I wasn't quite finished with that toast either. 32 00:01:47,929 --> 00:01:51,015 Oh, now we can't have you running off to your squash game on a full stomach. 33 00:01:51,099 --> 00:01:52,974 Oh, yes, how many championship matches 34 00:01:53,058 --> 00:01:55,853 have been marred by the heartbreak of toast cramps? 35 00:01:56,812 --> 00:01:58,980 Oh, don't you have that doctor's appointment this morning? 36 00:01:59,064 --> 00:02:00,524 Yeah, but it's not for 20 minutes yet. 37 00:02:00,608 --> 00:02:02,566 What's going on? Why are you giving us the bum's rush? 38 00:02:02,650 --> 00:02:04,318 "Bum's rush." Oh. [LAUGHS] 39 00:02:04,402 --> 00:02:06,111 I just love the American vernacular. 40 00:02:06,195 --> 00:02:08,489 So cute, so quaint. So long. 41 00:02:08,573 --> 00:02:09,656 Okay. 42 00:02:11,116 --> 00:02:12,450 Gotta get my wallet first. 43 00:02:12,534 --> 00:02:14,035 Oh, these damn pants. 44 00:02:14,119 --> 00:02:16,871 You know, you spend $15 on a good pair of pants, 45 00:02:16,955 --> 00:02:18,915 you expect them to be shrink resistant. 46 00:02:19,665 --> 00:02:21,250 Well, Dad, when you spend that kind of money, 47 00:02:21,334 --> 00:02:23,834 what you're really paying for is the designer name. 48 00:02:24,420 --> 00:02:25,545 [WHISPERS] I gotta go. 49 00:02:25,629 --> 00:02:27,171 [NORMAL VOICE] I gotta go. I'm so late. 50 00:02:27,255 --> 00:02:28,632 Hurry, hurry, hurry. 51 00:02:29,466 --> 00:02:31,551 -I'll call you later. -Okay, goodbye. 52 00:02:32,177 --> 00:02:33,219 -Oh. -Oh. 53 00:02:34,136 --> 00:02:35,179 Oh. 54 00:02:37,389 --> 00:02:38,682 Hello, Joe. 55 00:02:39,350 --> 00:02:40,601 Hi, Dr. Crane. 56 00:02:41,352 --> 00:02:43,227 I just came by to give Daphne a kiss. 57 00:02:48,858 --> 00:02:50,567 And drop off these shoes. 58 00:02:52,861 --> 00:02:55,196 -Here. -Oh, thank you. 59 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:57,323 Well, can anyone think of anything 60 00:02:57,407 --> 00:03:00,618 to make this moment a bit more awkward than it already is? 61 00:03:11,002 --> 00:03:11,962 Thank you, Eddie. 62 00:03:19,635 --> 00:03:21,335 FRASIER: Oh, thank you very much. 63 00:03:23,097 --> 00:03:25,264 Look, isn't that Dirk and Gaby Bendercott? 64 00:03:25,348 --> 00:03:26,181 Friends of yours? 65 00:03:26,265 --> 00:03:28,225 Mm. Filthy rich. Timber money. 66 00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:31,145 In their case, it really does grow on trees. Dirk. 67 00:03:31,229 --> 00:03:32,270 Gaby. 68 00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:34,522 Oh, Dirk. 69 00:03:34,606 --> 00:03:35,607 [SIGHS] 70 00:03:36,441 --> 00:03:37,817 Hello, Niles. 71 00:03:37,901 --> 00:03:40,069 Dirk Bendercott, my brother, Dr. Frasier Crane. 72 00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:42,405 Oh, I've heard your program. 73 00:03:43,364 --> 00:03:45,950 Well, I've seen your wife. 74 00:03:47,868 --> 00:03:52,079 So, Niles, I suppose I'll see you at the benefit on Sunday. 75 00:03:52,163 --> 00:03:54,457 I know Maris is coming. 76 00:03:54,541 --> 00:03:55,541 Yes, Sunday. 77 00:03:55,625 --> 00:03:57,292 Uh, which benefit is Sunday? 78 00:03:57,376 --> 00:03:59,628 I have so many benefits, on Sunday. 79 00:04:00,295 --> 00:04:03,381 The Hoedown for the Homeless. You were invited? 80 00:04:03,465 --> 00:04:06,300 -The hoedown? Yippee-yi-yes. -[CHUCKLES] 81 00:04:06,884 --> 00:04:09,136 -[HORN HONKS] -Oh, that must be Gaby. 82 00:04:09,220 --> 00:04:10,846 It certainly sounds like her. 83 00:04:10,930 --> 00:04:12,765 So see you Sunday. 84 00:04:12,849 --> 00:04:14,016 Yes. Till Sunday. 85 00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:17,978 Well… 86 00:04:19,479 --> 00:04:20,772 I wasn't invited. 87 00:04:20,856 --> 00:04:22,189 Niles, that's one party. 88 00:04:22,273 --> 00:04:26,068 Yes, but when you're off the A-list for one party, you're off for all of them. 89 00:04:26,152 --> 00:04:28,570 From now on, I'll be relegated to B-list charity events, 90 00:04:28,654 --> 00:04:31,489 grubby little theater companies and last year's diseases. 91 00:04:32,574 --> 00:04:36,243 It often happens in these cases. When two people separate, 92 00:04:36,327 --> 00:04:39,496 their friends choose one spouse over the other. 93 00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:41,831 I'm sure they just chose Maris because she's better connected 94 00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:43,375 and has more money than you. 95 00:04:45,044 --> 00:04:47,670 Exactly which part of that was meant to ease my pain? 96 00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:50,673 Niles, I just think you're overreacting. 97 00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:52,800 Oh, wait, wait. I know what happened. 98 00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:55,301 My invitation just got lost in the mail. 99 00:04:55,385 --> 00:04:56,970 You know, it's not so far-fetched. 100 00:04:57,054 --> 00:04:59,639 It could've been mis-sorted or a stamp could have fallen off 101 00:04:59,723 --> 00:05:02,141 or it could have been stolen by my mail carrier. 102 00:05:02,225 --> 00:05:04,435 Hoedowns are catnip to postal workers. 103 00:05:07,104 --> 00:05:10,816 Well, I'd ask you to explain that, but then you would. 104 00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:11,732 Roz. 105 00:05:11,816 --> 00:05:13,317 I'm going to check with the Post Office. 106 00:05:13,401 --> 00:05:15,403 You know, I heard a story on the news the other day 107 00:05:15,487 --> 00:05:17,154 about a man who bought a piano at auction, 108 00:05:17,238 --> 00:05:20,281 and when he went to tune it, he found a 40-year-old unmailed letter 109 00:05:20,365 --> 00:05:21,282 under the sounding board. 110 00:05:21,366 --> 00:05:23,493 Perhaps we should contact Ferrante and Teischer, 111 00:05:23,577 --> 00:05:25,245 see if they have your invitation. 112 00:05:25,954 --> 00:05:27,831 Poke fun now. 113 00:05:27,915 --> 00:05:29,581 You'll see who feels foolish this Sunday 114 00:05:29,665 --> 00:05:32,210 when I'm sipping champagne atop a mechanical bull. 115 00:05:34,545 --> 00:05:36,130 Uh, cappuccino, please. 116 00:05:36,214 --> 00:05:39,298 Uh, Roz, I'd like your take on something. 117 00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:40,216 What? 118 00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:41,259 Well… 119 00:05:43,178 --> 00:05:45,137 Daphne and Joe are having sex in my apartment, 120 00:05:45,221 --> 00:05:47,889 and it leaves me in a rather awkward position. 121 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:50,684 Doing what? Bending over to look through the keyhole? 122 00:05:52,061 --> 00:05:54,395 Oh, Frasier, come on, what is the big deal? 123 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,147 Oh, let's just say that I'm sitting there 124 00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:58,358 listening to music or reading a book and… 125 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:03,278 You know, Daphne and Joe are, you know, back there. 126 00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:04,779 So? 127 00:06:04,863 --> 00:06:06,949 Well, it just makes me uncomfortable. 128 00:06:08,617 --> 00:06:11,368 I'm going to ask Daphne not to sleep with Joe in the house anymore. 129 00:06:11,452 --> 00:06:13,371 -Is that too… -Amish? 130 00:06:15,748 --> 00:06:17,208 I was gonna say selfish. 131 00:06:17,834 --> 00:06:19,208 Oh, let's see. 132 00:06:19,292 --> 00:06:22,295 "Please, Daphne, don't have sex. It disturbs my reading." 133 00:06:22,379 --> 00:06:24,380 No, that's not too selfish. 134 00:06:24,464 --> 00:06:27,257 I just don't think a man should be uncomfortable in his own home. 135 00:06:27,341 --> 00:06:30,343 How am I supposed to relax when every giggle, every noise, 136 00:06:30,427 --> 00:06:32,846 it'll make me, you know… 137 00:06:32,930 --> 00:06:34,140 -Picture it? -Oh. 138 00:06:35,014 --> 00:06:36,182 Of course not. 139 00:06:36,266 --> 00:06:38,143 Don't be ridiculous. The very idea. 140 00:06:39,686 --> 00:06:42,271 You're picturing it right now, aren't you? 141 00:06:42,355 --> 00:06:43,955 -Well, you made me. -[LAUGHING] 142 00:06:46,817 --> 00:06:48,610 [DOORKNOB CLICKS] 143 00:06:49,361 --> 00:06:51,487 -Hey, Fras. -Hi, Dad. 144 00:06:52,530 --> 00:06:53,614 Is Daphne in? 145 00:06:53,698 --> 00:06:55,157 Yeah, and if you have any sense, 146 00:06:55,241 --> 00:06:57,076 you'll pretend that nothing happened this morning. 147 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,161 Ah, yes, denial. 148 00:06:59,245 --> 00:07:01,037 Just the sort of advice I would expect from a man 149 00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:04,021 whose driver's license still lists his hair color as brown. 150 00:07:06,751 --> 00:07:08,669 It was until you came back to town. 151 00:07:16,593 --> 00:07:20,554 Daphne, I think we need to discuss what happened this morning. 152 00:07:20,638 --> 00:07:23,307 Oh, it's been bothering me all day. 153 00:07:23,391 --> 00:07:24,641 It was entirely my fault. 154 00:07:24,725 --> 00:07:26,351 Oh, no, no, no. I share the blame. 155 00:07:26,435 --> 00:07:28,853 We never did have a formal discussion about the rules of the house, 156 00:07:28,937 --> 00:07:31,690 especially when it comes to, you know. 157 00:07:32,441 --> 00:07:36,151 I do want to apologize for any embarrassment I may have caused. 158 00:07:36,235 --> 00:07:39,321 You see, we can't go to Joe's because he's still building his house, 159 00:07:39,405 --> 00:07:41,447 -and he sleeps on a friend's couch. -Ah. 160 00:07:41,531 --> 00:07:44,284 But I can assure you, it will never happen again. 161 00:07:45,035 --> 00:07:47,787 Well, then, our business is concluded. Meeting adjourned. 162 00:07:47,871 --> 00:07:49,122 Yes. 163 00:07:49,206 --> 00:07:52,917 The next time Joe spends the night, I'll notify you well in advance. 164 00:08:04,093 --> 00:08:08,764 Daphne, I was just reviewing the minutes of our last meeting. 165 00:08:11,016 --> 00:08:13,226 -There seems to be some confusion. -Oh? 166 00:08:13,310 --> 00:08:16,395 See, my quibble is not with the lack of notification. 167 00:08:17,355 --> 00:08:21,692 I'm just not comfortable with you and Joe sleeping together under my roof. 168 00:08:21,776 --> 00:08:23,526 Oh, I see. 169 00:08:24,486 --> 00:08:27,405 Oh, I'm sorry about that, but it is my room, isn't it? 170 00:08:27,489 --> 00:08:29,824 Oh, yes, yes, and I want you to feel comfortable living here. 171 00:08:29,908 --> 00:08:32,701 But I suppose it's more important for you to feel comfortable 172 00:08:32,785 --> 00:08:35,371 because, as you said, it is your roof. 173 00:08:35,955 --> 00:08:36,789 Oh… 174 00:08:37,373 --> 00:08:39,540 -Thank you for understanding. -Not at all. 175 00:08:39,624 --> 00:08:42,209 Joe and I are going away for the weekend. 176 00:08:42,293 --> 00:08:45,672 But first thing Monday, I'm going to start looking for my own place. 177 00:08:55,764 --> 00:08:57,139 Guess who. [CHUCKLES] 178 00:08:59,183 --> 00:09:00,434 Daphne, um… 179 00:09:01,102 --> 00:09:02,519 I don't want you entertaining here, 180 00:09:02,603 --> 00:09:05,021 -but I also don't want you to move out. -Oh, I see. 181 00:09:05,105 --> 00:09:08,024 So you want me to stay, but just not have a personal life. 182 00:09:08,108 --> 00:09:10,610 -Well… -No, no, no, that works out fine for me. 183 00:09:10,694 --> 00:09:13,528 I'll just spend all day waiting on you and your father. 184 00:09:13,612 --> 00:09:15,155 Then in the evenings retire to my room, 185 00:09:15,239 --> 00:09:17,449 wrap myself in an afghan, and wait for the morning. 186 00:09:17,533 --> 00:09:19,743 And if my whimpering gets too loud for you, 187 00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,869 you can just have me fixed like Eddie. 188 00:09:27,125 --> 00:09:29,043 That is not what I meant. 189 00:09:29,626 --> 00:09:31,169 This is difficult for both of us, Daphne. 190 00:09:31,253 --> 00:09:33,588 I have to express my feelings, and… 191 00:09:34,339 --> 00:09:37,382 I also don't want to lose you. You're very important to me and my father. 192 00:09:37,466 --> 00:09:39,635 That's why my solution is best. 193 00:09:39,719 --> 00:09:43,305 Why, I'll still be here during the day to take care of your father, 194 00:09:43,389 --> 00:09:46,891 but nights and weekends, I'll just go home to my own place. 195 00:09:46,975 --> 00:09:48,309 On top of which, 196 00:09:48,393 --> 00:09:51,520 you can turn this room back into your beautiful study you used to have. 197 00:09:51,604 --> 00:09:52,980 Well, I suppose. 198 00:09:53,064 --> 00:09:54,940 -What other choice do we have? -Mm. 199 00:09:55,024 --> 00:09:58,568 Of course, it'll be a period of adjustment for all of us. 200 00:09:58,652 --> 00:10:01,613 I know how much you two care about me 201 00:10:01,697 --> 00:10:03,948 and consider me part of the family, but… 202 00:10:04,991 --> 00:10:07,702 You're picturing your study right now, aren't you? 203 00:10:08,536 --> 00:10:09,495 You made me. 204 00:10:16,501 --> 00:10:19,795 MARTIN: ♪ She's such a groovy lady ♪ 205 00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:21,779 -Morning, Dad. -MARTIN: Oh, morning. 206 00:10:23,132 --> 00:10:24,341 You seen the phone? 207 00:10:24,425 --> 00:10:26,593 Oh, I probably left it in my room again. Sorry. 208 00:10:26,677 --> 00:10:28,803 Hey, making breakfast burritos. You want one? 209 00:10:28,887 --> 00:10:30,055 El pass-o. 210 00:10:31,514 --> 00:10:32,390 Suit yourself. 211 00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:44,692 Dad, whatever happened to the silk pajamas I bought you? 212 00:10:44,776 --> 00:10:47,653 Oh, Frasier, you know they're too la-di-da for me. 213 00:10:47,737 --> 00:10:50,406 Besides, they shrank. 214 00:10:52,491 --> 00:10:53,324 [BELL DINGS] 215 00:10:53,408 --> 00:10:55,410 Ooh, there go my tater tots. 216 00:10:56,495 --> 00:10:57,829 You want a pile? 217 00:10:57,913 --> 00:11:01,624 Not that I don't enjoy a pile of breakfast as much as the next guy, 218 00:11:02,583 --> 00:11:03,933 but I still think no. Uh… 219 00:11:04,585 --> 00:11:07,922 Dad, are you planning on going around like that all weekend? 220 00:11:08,714 --> 00:11:09,755 Yeah, why not? 221 00:11:09,839 --> 00:11:11,173 Daphne's off on her little trip. 222 00:11:11,257 --> 00:11:12,591 It's just us guys. 223 00:11:12,675 --> 00:11:15,386 Besides, I've been wearing pants around here for three years. 224 00:11:15,470 --> 00:11:16,388 Enough. 225 00:11:16,971 --> 00:11:18,054 I see. 226 00:11:18,138 --> 00:11:19,848 Dad, I'm sorry, look, I just have to do this. 227 00:11:19,932 --> 00:11:21,683 -What? All right. -Thank you. 228 00:11:22,267 --> 00:11:23,727 Now, listen, it's no big deal, 229 00:11:23,811 --> 00:11:27,229 but I couldn't find the remote control for the TV last night. 230 00:11:27,313 --> 00:11:31,608 Now, I thought we agreed that its place was on that table next to my chair. 231 00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:33,693 Well, what was it like in the old days 232 00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:36,027 when you had to get up to change the channels? 233 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,864 -It was hell. -Mm. 234 00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:39,950 [DOORBELL RINGS] 235 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,034 You expecting someone? 236 00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:43,952 Contractor. 237 00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:46,330 Getting an estimate on restoring my study. 238 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:47,790 Why don't you use Joe? 239 00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:51,074 I think Joe's done enough work in that room, thank you. 240 00:11:53,211 --> 00:11:55,046 Henry, thank you for coming on such short notice. 241 00:11:55,130 --> 00:11:56,005 No sweat. 242 00:11:56,089 --> 00:11:57,882 I'll just show you to the room. 243 00:11:58,966 --> 00:12:00,766 Oh, this is my father. Don't get up. 244 00:12:02,636 --> 00:12:04,596 -Like a cup of coffee? -Oh, that'd be great. 245 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:07,139 Fine. The, the room is right down the hall there and to the right. 246 00:12:07,223 --> 00:12:09,225 -And I'll meet you there. -Okay. 247 00:12:11,811 --> 00:12:16,606 Oh, and, Dad, this is a small thing, but you left the sponge in the sink again. 248 00:12:16,690 --> 00:12:17,566 So? 249 00:12:18,275 --> 00:12:19,525 Well, as I mentioned last evening, 250 00:12:19,609 --> 00:12:21,736 if it stays wet, not only does it begin to smell, 251 00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:24,280 but it becomes a breeding ground for bacteria. 252 00:12:24,947 --> 00:12:25,822 So? 253 00:12:25,906 --> 00:12:31,119 So, if I were to, say, wipe up that salsa that you spilled on the table just now, 254 00:12:31,203 --> 00:12:35,873 I would be leaving behind bacteria such as salmonella, listeria, shigella. 255 00:12:35,957 --> 00:12:37,166 Now, wouldn't that bother you? 256 00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:39,085 Yeah, I guess you're right. It would bother me. 257 00:12:39,169 --> 00:12:41,378 I wouldn't dream of touching that sponge now. 258 00:12:41,462 --> 00:12:42,296 [WHISTLES] 259 00:12:50,386 --> 00:12:55,057 Ah, yes, our own foul-breathed little Handiwipe. 260 00:13:11,864 --> 00:13:14,281 You've been leaving lights on in the apartment all weekend. 261 00:13:14,365 --> 00:13:16,200 You know what that does to the electric bill? 262 00:13:16,284 --> 00:13:18,244 As opposed to the nuclear power plant they had to build 263 00:13:18,328 --> 00:13:20,378 to keep that television on day and night? 264 00:13:22,456 --> 00:13:25,208 -You moved my chair again, didn't you? -No. 265 00:13:25,292 --> 00:13:28,670 Oh, well, maybe Eddie did it. Eddie, did you move my chair? 266 00:13:28,754 --> 00:13:31,880 Because Frasier said he didn't do it, and Frasier'd never mess around with my stuff. 267 00:13:31,964 --> 00:13:33,714 All right, I moved your damn chair. 268 00:13:34,217 --> 00:13:36,635 The way you have it turned ruins the symmetry of the room. 269 00:13:36,719 --> 00:13:40,179 -The sight line loses all flow. -Oh, the sight line. 270 00:13:40,263 --> 00:13:42,599 And here I thought it was for some dumb reason. 271 00:13:43,141 --> 00:13:44,809 [DOORBELL RINGS] 272 00:13:44,893 --> 00:13:47,436 And, please, will you get Eddie off of the couch? 273 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,970 Or else it's out to the garbage chute for the thrill ride of his life. 274 00:14:03,492 --> 00:14:05,077 Well, howdy, pardner. 275 00:14:06,036 --> 00:14:07,454 Save your snippy remarks. 276 00:14:07,538 --> 00:14:08,372 Fair enough. 277 00:14:08,872 --> 00:14:13,876 Say, am I crazy, or is there a bright golden haze on the meadow? 278 00:14:16,170 --> 00:14:18,922 Stop it. I'm in the middle of a social crisis. 279 00:14:19,006 --> 00:14:21,382 I just drove to the Hoedown for the Homeless, 280 00:14:21,466 --> 00:14:24,969 assuming that Maris had simply neglected to forward my invitation. 281 00:14:25,053 --> 00:14:27,638 Well, not only was I not on the guest list, 282 00:14:27,722 --> 00:14:32,851 but Nelson the parking attendant said he missed me at the Luau for Lupus. 283 00:14:34,937 --> 00:14:37,313 Now it's official. I am a social outcast. 284 00:14:37,397 --> 00:14:39,273 Oh, Niles, why do you even care about those people? 285 00:14:39,357 --> 00:14:42,610 You know, in your hour of need, they pretend you don't even exist. 286 00:14:43,236 --> 00:14:45,737 They treat you like you're a leper, a non-person. 287 00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:47,948 But I really, really like them. 288 00:14:49,533 --> 00:14:53,285 I know, I know, it makes me sound pathetic, but I'm newly separated. 289 00:14:53,369 --> 00:14:55,871 These people have been my social circle for 10 years. 290 00:14:55,955 --> 00:14:57,957 Frasier, they're my tribe. 291 00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:03,545 Well, I hate to break this to you, Waltzes with Snobs, but… 292 00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:11,801 They have left you on the mountaintop to die. 293 00:15:11,885 --> 00:15:15,347 Now, Niles, maybe your friends wanted to invite you, 294 00:15:15,431 --> 00:15:18,599 but they probably thought you'd be upset seeing Maris there. 295 00:15:18,683 --> 00:15:22,520 -Of course. You're absolutely right. -Oh, that's ridiculous. 296 00:15:22,604 --> 00:15:23,854 Oh, why are you so negative? 297 00:15:23,938 --> 00:15:26,023 -These people do care about me. -Oh, fine. Very well. 298 00:15:26,107 --> 00:15:27,524 Call them, prove to me I'm wrong. 299 00:15:27,608 --> 00:15:29,692 Nothing would give me greater pleasure. Where's your phone? 300 00:15:29,776 --> 00:15:31,653 -In my bedroom. -FRASIER: Where else would it be? 301 00:15:31,737 --> 00:15:33,821 And Dad's electric shaver is in the kitchen. 302 00:15:33,905 --> 00:15:37,408 You see, all our appliances are on an adventure this weekend. 303 00:15:43,580 --> 00:15:45,540 Well, are you proud of yourself stirring things up? 304 00:15:45,624 --> 00:15:48,584 Why didn't you just let him think his friends were doing him a favor? 305 00:15:48,668 --> 00:15:52,587 Ah, yes, the Martin Crane approach: better living through denial. 306 00:15:52,671 --> 00:15:54,089 You did the same thing with Daphne. 307 00:15:54,173 --> 00:15:56,424 You couldn't just pretend that nothing was going on back there. 308 00:15:56,508 --> 00:16:00,261 Dad, I'm a psychiatrist. I don't pretend. I confront. 309 00:16:00,345 --> 00:16:02,388 -I resolve. -Oh, yeah, you really resolved this. 310 00:16:02,472 --> 00:16:03,514 Now she's moving out. 311 00:16:03,598 --> 00:16:06,016 You know, I swear you just go looking for trouble. 312 00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:08,018 Oh, that is so untrue. 313 00:16:08,644 --> 00:16:11,355 And perhaps you can explain this. 314 00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,441 A grown man's obsession with a sponge? 315 00:16:16,525 --> 00:16:17,860 No, I can't. 316 00:16:18,361 --> 00:16:21,655 The last two days, I have asked you again and again as politely as I can 317 00:16:21,739 --> 00:16:22,698 to wring out the sponge. 318 00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:25,116 But you don't even have the consideration to respect my feelings. 319 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,576 Because your feelings are stupid. 320 00:16:26,660 --> 00:16:27,785 But they're my feelings. 321 00:16:27,869 --> 00:16:29,620 And important to me. 322 00:16:29,704 --> 00:16:32,123 And because of that, you should have the courtesy to respect them. 323 00:16:32,207 --> 00:16:35,250 Oh, just like you respect my feelings when I ask you not to move my chair. 324 00:16:35,334 --> 00:16:37,669 -That makes no sense at all. -Oh, all right. 325 00:16:37,753 --> 00:16:39,546 You want me to dry that sponge? 326 00:16:39,630 --> 00:16:41,506 I'll dry that sponge. 327 00:16:43,758 --> 00:16:44,842 There. 328 00:16:44,926 --> 00:16:47,678 -Give it about a minute. -Oh, that's mature. 329 00:16:47,762 --> 00:16:50,930 Oh, boy, what a tortured little world you live in. 330 00:16:51,014 --> 00:16:53,558 Newspapers strewn all over the place. 331 00:16:53,642 --> 00:16:55,476 Sponge germs coming after you. 332 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,061 It's a wonder you can sleep at night. 333 00:16:57,145 --> 00:16:59,479 Oh, my dreams get me by. 334 00:16:59,563 --> 00:17:02,149 Like the one where I strap you in your chair 335 00:17:02,233 --> 00:17:04,526 and run around the house turning on all the lights. 336 00:17:04,610 --> 00:17:06,402 Even in the rooms I'm nowhere near. 337 00:17:06,486 --> 00:17:09,614 Boy, that electric meter must really be spinning now. 338 00:17:12,784 --> 00:17:13,909 Evening, all. 339 00:17:13,993 --> 00:17:16,161 -Did you boys have a nice weekend? -Great. 340 00:17:16,245 --> 00:17:17,537 Barrel of laughs. 341 00:17:17,621 --> 00:17:20,791 Well, I had the loveliest time. Hey, off. 342 00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:25,503 We found this little bed and breakfast right up the coast. 343 00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:28,172 I talked my decision over with Joe, 344 00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:31,299 and he agreed it really is the best thing for everyone. 345 00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:36,429 Of course, I'll be here during the day to help your father with his exercises, 346 00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:38,431 but nights and weekends 347 00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:42,184 it'll just be the two of you carefree bachelors getting into trouble together. 348 00:17:42,268 --> 00:17:45,855 Oh, I'm usually just underfoot around here anyway. 349 00:17:46,647 --> 00:17:51,359 So, you see, my decision is best for everyone. 350 00:17:51,985 --> 00:17:55,946 Well, I've had a long weekend, so good night. 351 00:17:57,406 --> 00:17:58,356 Good night, Daphne. 352 00:18:02,870 --> 00:18:03,746 Frasier? 353 00:18:04,662 --> 00:18:05,538 What? 354 00:18:06,289 --> 00:18:11,377 You know how an Oreo has that soft creamy filling between two hard cookies? 355 00:18:12,253 --> 00:18:14,796 That's what keeps them together. 356 00:18:16,298 --> 00:18:17,758 I see your point, Dad. 357 00:18:18,341 --> 00:18:19,885 Daphne's kind of the center. 358 00:18:20,594 --> 00:18:22,135 I'll go and talk to her. 359 00:18:22,219 --> 00:18:25,014 Now you and me, we'd be the cookie part. 360 00:18:27,016 --> 00:18:28,225 I get it. 361 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:39,234 -May I come in? -Yes, of course. 362 00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:40,518 Thank you, Daphne. Uh… 363 00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:46,365 Daphne, you can't go. You have to stay. 364 00:18:46,449 --> 00:18:49,326 I've only just recently realized how important you are to us. 365 00:18:49,410 --> 00:18:52,246 See, if you go, Dad and I will kill each other. 366 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,331 I'm not just tossing out hyperbole here. 367 00:18:55,415 --> 00:18:58,415 I'm speaking in the most literal sense. Dad and I, both dead. 368 00:18:58,502 --> 00:19:01,379 Only he'll be lying there with a bacteria-ridden sponge 369 00:19:01,463 --> 00:19:03,839 protruding from his mouth like a bloated tongue. 370 00:19:06,008 --> 00:19:08,969 Look. You don't really want that on your conscience, do you? 371 00:19:09,053 --> 00:19:10,553 No, of course not. 372 00:19:11,179 --> 00:19:14,682 And the truth is, I do still think of this place as my home. 373 00:19:14,766 --> 00:19:17,518 But I know you'd never be comfortable knowing Joe and I were… 374 00:19:17,602 --> 00:19:20,603 Well, I… I'd be willing to try. 375 00:19:20,687 --> 00:19:22,647 Oh, I know you better than that. 376 00:19:22,731 --> 00:19:24,983 It'll bother you, and we'll both be miserable. 377 00:19:25,067 --> 00:19:27,235 Well, why can't I get past this? I… 378 00:19:28,402 --> 00:19:30,696 Oh, it would just be easier if I could be like my father 379 00:19:30,780 --> 00:19:32,930 and pretend you weren't in here making love. 380 00:19:34,158 --> 00:19:35,324 Making love? 381 00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,258 Is that what you think we were doing? 382 00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:38,911 Yes, of course. 383 00:19:38,995 --> 00:19:42,374 Oh, no, there was nothing like that going on in here. 384 00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:44,583 Really? 385 00:19:46,210 --> 00:19:48,838 Seems rather implausible. 386 00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,465 You know, I'd like to believe that, 387 00:19:51,549 --> 00:19:53,967 and, believe me, I really do want to… 388 00:19:54,717 --> 00:19:56,427 How can I? 389 00:19:56,511 --> 00:20:01,765 Well, how could Joe and I make love, what with, Joe's war injury? 390 00:20:02,808 --> 00:20:03,642 Oh. 391 00:20:04,810 --> 00:20:06,519 I didn't even know Joe was a soldier. 392 00:20:06,603 --> 00:20:09,146 -What war would that be? -The Falkland Islands. 393 00:20:09,856 --> 00:20:11,648 But that was a British conflict. And Joe's not… 394 00:20:11,732 --> 00:20:13,943 Well, his parents have a summer house there. 395 00:20:15,403 --> 00:20:18,655 Oh, that's very unfortunate, huh? 396 00:20:19,155 --> 00:20:21,074 Taking a summer house in a war zone. 397 00:20:22,325 --> 00:20:25,744 -But how? -He was kicked by a sheep. 398 00:20:25,828 --> 00:20:26,661 A sheep? 399 00:20:26,745 --> 00:20:29,539 Yes, a sheep spooked by an air raid siren. 400 00:20:29,623 --> 00:20:30,457 Work with me. 401 00:20:30,541 --> 00:20:31,834 I see. All right. 402 00:20:33,127 --> 00:20:35,586 So, what you're saying is that Joe… 403 00:20:35,670 --> 00:20:36,713 Can't. 404 00:20:37,881 --> 00:20:38,798 Ah. 405 00:20:40,174 --> 00:20:41,634 I suppose that changes everything. 406 00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:44,219 Yes. I suppose it does. [CHUCKLES] 407 00:20:44,303 --> 00:20:46,679 But just so as we're clear… 408 00:20:46,763 --> 00:20:49,933 -Mm-hm. -Even though there's no actual lovemaking, 409 00:20:50,017 --> 00:20:54,729 Joe and I can on occasion, say, read poems to each other in here at night? 410 00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,539 As long as you don't read too loudly. 411 00:21:06,323 --> 00:21:07,155 She's staying. 412 00:21:07,239 --> 00:21:08,490 [EXHALES] 413 00:21:08,574 --> 00:21:11,452 Turns out they're sleeping together, 414 00:21:12,328 --> 00:21:13,621 but not having sex. 415 00:21:16,247 --> 00:21:18,833 See, they can't have sex because of an injury Joe suffered 416 00:21:18,917 --> 00:21:21,710 when kicked by a spooked sheep during an air raid 417 00:21:21,794 --> 00:21:25,344 while his family was vacationing in the Falkland Islands during the war. 418 00:21:29,176 --> 00:21:31,885 Well, Dad was right. They are my real friends. 419 00:21:31,969 --> 00:21:33,887 It was all just a misunderstanding. 420 00:21:33,971 --> 00:21:37,725 Apparently, the social chairman's dog ate my invitation. 421 00:21:39,226 --> 00:21:40,768 And the poor animal had to go to the vet, 422 00:21:40,852 --> 00:21:43,479 and with all the confusion, they forgot to send me another. 423 00:21:43,563 --> 00:21:46,357 And, when I offered my new address for next year's party, they said, 424 00:21:46,441 --> 00:21:48,984 "No need. We'll see you around." 425 00:21:51,987 --> 00:21:54,114 I'm gonna start wearing sweatpants. 426 00:21:54,198 --> 00:21:56,158 That damned dryer again. 427 00:21:59,035 --> 00:22:00,494 Hey, you guys want some cookies? 428 00:22:00,578 --> 00:22:02,621 -They're reduced fat. -FRASIER: Really? 429 00:22:02,705 --> 00:22:04,873 That means we can eat twice as many. 430 00:22:04,957 --> 00:22:06,040 Yes, wouldn't that be lovely? 431 00:22:06,124 --> 00:22:10,087 [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 432 00:22:13,214 --> 00:22:14,214 [THEME SONG PLAYING] 433 00:22:14,298 --> 00:22:16,975 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 434 00:22:17,059 --> 00:22:19,387 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 435 00:22:20,096 --> 00:22:21,263 Oh, my. 436 00:22:21,347 --> 00:22:23,598 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 437 00:22:23,682 --> 00:22:26,267 ♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 438 00:22:26,351 --> 00:22:28,519 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 439 00:22:28,603 --> 00:22:30,145 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 440 00:22:30,229 --> 00:22:33,732 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 441 00:22:34,525 --> 00:22:37,152 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 442 00:22:37,236 --> 00:22:39,445 Good night, Seattle. We love you!