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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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-Morning.
-Morning.
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Morning? Oh, my God, Joe, get up. Get up.
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You were supposed to
be out of here hours ago.
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You promised me that after we did
the deed, you'd be on your merry way.
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-I was.
-Get dressed.
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We've got to get you out of
here before Dr. Crane gets up.
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Okay.
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Oh, no. I smell coffee.
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They're already up.
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Don't worry. I'll just lay low
until the two of them are…
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Oh, my God, it's nine o'clock.
I'm a half-hour late for work.
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Just give me a minute.
I'll get rid of them.
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Where's my underwear?
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Eddie, get back here.
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[MARTIN GROANS]
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-Good morning.
-Maybe for you.
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I just spent five minutes
trying to button these pants.
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That stupid dryer shrunk
another pair on me.
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Dad, before you blame the dryer,
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have you ever considered
stepping on the old bathroom scale?
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Oh, what's the point?
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That thing's been ten
pounds off for weeks.
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[THUMPS]
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-Daphne?
-Oh, good morning, Dr. Crane.
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Sorry I overslept.
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Well, time we all got our day started.
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I'll just clear these dishes away.
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I wasn't finished with my Long John yet.
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Oops, sorry about that.
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Daphne, I wasn't quite
finished with that toast either.
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Oh, now we can't have you running off
to your squash game on a full stomach.
33
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Oh, yes, how many championship matches
34
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have been marred by the
heartbreak of toast cramps?
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Oh, don't you have that doctor's
appointment this morning?
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Yeah, but it's not for 20 minutes yet.
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What's going on?
Why are you giving us the bum's rush?
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"Bum's rush." Oh. [LAUGHS]
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I just love the American vernacular.
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So cute, so quaint. So long.
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Okay.
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Gotta get my wallet first.
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Oh, these damn pants.
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You know, you spend
$15 on a good pair of pants,
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you expect them to be shrink resistant.
46
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Well, Dad, when you
spend that kind of money,
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what you're really paying
for is the designer name.
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[WHISPERS] I gotta go.
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[NORMAL VOICE] I gotta go. I'm so late.
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Hurry, hurry, hurry.
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-I'll call you later.
-Okay, goodbye.
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-Oh.
-Oh.
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Oh.
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Hello, Joe.
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Hi, Dr. Crane.
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I just came by to give Daphne a kiss.
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And drop off these shoes.
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-Here.
-Oh, thank you.
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Well, can anyone think of anything
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to make this moment a bit
more awkward than it already is?
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Thank you, Eddie.
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FRASIER: Oh, thank you very much.
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Look, isn't that Dirk and Gaby Bendercott?
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Friends of yours?
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Mm. Filthy rich. Timber money.
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In their case, it really
does grow on trees. Dirk.
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Gaby.
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Oh, Dirk.
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[SIGHS]
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Hello, Niles.
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Dirk Bendercott, my
brother, Dr. Frasier Crane.
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Oh, I've heard your program.
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Well, I've seen your wife.
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So, Niles, I suppose I'll see
you at the benefit on Sunday.
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I know Maris is coming.
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Yes, Sunday.
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Uh, which benefit is Sunday?
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I have so many benefits, on Sunday.
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The Hoedown for the Homeless.
You were invited?
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-The hoedown? Yippee-yi-yes.
-[CHUCKLES]
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-[HORN HONKS]
-Oh, that must be Gaby.
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It certainly sounds like her.
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So see you Sunday.
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Yes. Till Sunday.
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Well…
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I wasn't invited.
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Niles, that's one party.
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Yes, but when you're off the A-list
for one party, you're off for all of them.
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From now on, I'll be relegated
to B-list charity events,
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grubby little theater companies
and last year's diseases.
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It often happens in these cases.
When two people separate,
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their friends choose one
spouse over the other.
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I'm sure they just chose Maris
because she's better connected
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and has more money than you.
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Exactly which part of that
was meant to ease my pain?
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00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:50,673
Niles, I just think you're overreacting.
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Oh, wait, wait. I know what happened.
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My invitation just got lost in the mail.
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You know, it's not so far-fetched.
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It could've been mis-sorted or
a stamp could have fallen off
101
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or it could have been
stolen by my mail carrier.
102
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Hoedowns are catnip to postal workers.
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Well, I'd ask you to explain
that, but then you would.
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Roz.
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I'm going to check with the Post Office.
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You know, I heard a story
on the news the other day
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about a man who bought a piano at auction,
108
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and when he went to tune it, he
found a 40-year-old unmailed letter
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under the sounding board.
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Perhaps we should contact
Ferrante and Teischer,
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see if they have your invitation.
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Poke fun now.
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You'll see who feels foolish this Sunday
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when I'm sipping champagne
atop a mechanical bull.
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Uh, cappuccino, please.
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Uh, Roz, I'd like your take on something.
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What?
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Well…
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Daphne and Joe are
having sex in my apartment,
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and it leaves me in a
rather awkward position.
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Doing what?
Bending over to look through the keyhole?
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Oh, Frasier, come on,
what is the big deal?
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Oh, let's just say that I'm sitting there
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listening to music or reading a book and…
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You know, Daphne and Joe
are, you know, back there.
126
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So?
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Well, it just makes me uncomfortable.
128
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I'm going to ask Daphne not to
sleep with Joe in the house anymore.
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-Is that too…
-Amish?
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I was gonna say selfish.
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Oh, let's see.
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"Please, Daphne, don't have sex.
It disturbs my reading."
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No, that's not too selfish.
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I just don't think a man should
be uncomfortable in his own home.
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How am I supposed to relax
when every giggle, every noise,
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it'll make me, you know…
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-Picture it?
-Oh.
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Of course not.
139
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Don't be ridiculous. The very idea.
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You're picturing it right now, aren't you?
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-Well, you made me.
-[LAUGHING]
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[DOORKNOB CLICKS]
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-Hey, Fras.
-Hi, Dad.
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Is Daphne in?
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Yeah, and if you have any sense,
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you'll pretend that nothing
happened this morning.
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Ah, yes, denial.
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Just the sort of advice I
would expect from a man
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whose driver's license still
lists his hair color as brown.
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It was until you came back to town.
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Daphne, I think we need to
discuss what happened this morning.
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Oh, it's been bothering me all day.
153
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It was entirely my fault.
154
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Oh, no, no, no. I share the blame.
155
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We never did have a formal
discussion about the rules of the house,
156
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especially when it comes to, you know.
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I do want to apologize for any
embarrassment I may have caused.
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You see, we can't go to Joe's
because he's still building his house,
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-and he sleeps on a friend's couch.
-Ah.
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But I can assure you, it
will never happen again.
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Well, then, our business is concluded.
Meeting adjourned.
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Yes.
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The next time Joe spends the
night, I'll notify you well in advance.
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Daphne, I was just reviewing
the minutes of our last meeting.
165
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-There seems to be some confusion.
-Oh?
166
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See, my quibble is not
with the lack of notification.
167
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I'm just not comfortable with you and
Joe sleeping together under my roof.
168
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Oh, I see.
169
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Oh, I'm sorry about that,
but it is my room, isn't it?
170
00:08:27,489 --> 00:08:29,824
Oh, yes, yes, and I want you
to feel comfortable living here.
171
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But I suppose it's more important
for you to feel comfortable
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because, as you said, it is your roof.
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Oh…
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-Thank you for understanding.
-Not at all.
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Joe and I are going away for the weekend.
176
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But first thing Monday, I'm going
to start looking for my own place.
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Guess who. [CHUCKLES]
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Daphne, um…
179
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I don't want you entertaining here,
180
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-but I also don't want you to move out.
-Oh, I see.
181
00:09:05,105 --> 00:09:08,024
So you want me to stay, but
just not have a personal life.
182
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-Well…
-No, no, no, that works out fine for me.
183
00:09:10,694 --> 00:09:13,528
I'll just spend all day waiting
on you and your father.
184
00:09:13,612 --> 00:09:15,155
Then in the evenings retire to my room,
185
00:09:15,239 --> 00:09:17,449
wrap myself in an afghan,
and wait for the morning.
186
00:09:17,533 --> 00:09:19,743
And if my whimpering
gets too loud for you,
187
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,869
you can just have me fixed like Eddie.
188
00:09:27,125 --> 00:09:29,043
That is not what I meant.
189
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This is difficult for both of us, Daphne.
190
00:09:31,253 --> 00:09:33,588
I have to express my feelings, and…
191
00:09:34,339 --> 00:09:37,382
I also don't want to lose you.
You're very important to me and my father.
192
00:09:37,466 --> 00:09:39,635
That's why my solution is best.
193
00:09:39,719 --> 00:09:43,305
Why, I'll still be here during the
day to take care of your father,
194
00:09:43,389 --> 00:09:46,891
but nights and weekends, I'll
just go home to my own place.
195
00:09:46,975 --> 00:09:48,309
On top of which,
196
00:09:48,393 --> 00:09:51,520
you can turn this room back into
your beautiful study you used to have.
197
00:09:51,604 --> 00:09:52,980
Well, I suppose.
198
00:09:53,064 --> 00:09:54,940
-What other choice do we have?
-Mm.
199
00:09:55,024 --> 00:09:58,568
Of course, it'll be a period
of adjustment for all of us.
200
00:09:58,652 --> 00:10:01,613
I know how much you two care about me
201
00:10:01,697 --> 00:10:03,948
and consider me part of the family, but…
202
00:10:04,991 --> 00:10:07,702
You're picturing your
study right now, aren't you?
203
00:10:08,536 --> 00:10:09,495
You made me.
204
00:10:16,501 --> 00:10:19,795
MARTIN: ♪ She's such a groovy lady ♪
205
00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:21,779
-Morning, Dad.
-MARTIN: Oh, morning.
206
00:10:23,132 --> 00:10:24,341
You seen the phone?
207
00:10:24,425 --> 00:10:26,593
Oh, I probably left it in my room again.
Sorry.
208
00:10:26,677 --> 00:10:28,803
Hey, making breakfast burritos.
You want one?
209
00:10:28,887 --> 00:10:30,055
El pass-o.
210
00:10:31,514 --> 00:10:32,390
Suit yourself.
211
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:44,692
Dad, whatever happened to
the silk pajamas I bought you?
212
00:10:44,776 --> 00:10:47,653
Oh, Frasier, you know
they're too la-di-da for me.
213
00:10:47,737 --> 00:10:50,406
Besides, they shrank.
214
00:10:52,491 --> 00:10:53,324
[BELL DINGS]
215
00:10:53,408 --> 00:10:55,410
Ooh, there go my tater tots.
216
00:10:56,495 --> 00:10:57,829
You want a pile?
217
00:10:57,913 --> 00:11:01,624
Not that I don't enjoy a pile of
breakfast as much as the next guy,
218
00:11:02,583 --> 00:11:03,933
but I still think no. Uh…
219
00:11:04,585 --> 00:11:07,922
Dad, are you planning on going
around like that all weekend?
220
00:11:08,714 --> 00:11:09,755
Yeah, why not?
221
00:11:09,839 --> 00:11:11,173
Daphne's off on her little trip.
222
00:11:11,257 --> 00:11:12,591
It's just us guys.
223
00:11:12,675 --> 00:11:15,386
Besides, I've been wearing
pants around here for three years.
224
00:11:15,470 --> 00:11:16,388
Enough.
225
00:11:16,971 --> 00:11:18,054
I see.
226
00:11:18,138 --> 00:11:19,848
Dad, I'm sorry, look,
I just have to do this.
227
00:11:19,932 --> 00:11:21,683
-What? All right.
-Thank you.
228
00:11:22,267 --> 00:11:23,727
Now, listen, it's no big deal,
229
00:11:23,811 --> 00:11:27,229
but I couldn't find the remote
control for the TV last night.
230
00:11:27,313 --> 00:11:31,608
Now, I thought we agreed that its
place was on that table next to my chair.
231
00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:33,693
Well, what was it like in the old days
232
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:36,027
when you had to get up
to change the channels?
233
00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,864
-It was hell.
-Mm.
234
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:39,950
[DOORBELL RINGS]
235
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,034
You expecting someone?
236
00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:43,952
Contractor.
237
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:46,330
Getting an estimate on restoring my study.
238
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:47,790
Why don't you use Joe?
239
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:51,074
I think Joe's done enough
work in that room, thank you.
240
00:11:53,211 --> 00:11:55,046
Henry, thank you for
coming on such short notice.
241
00:11:55,130 --> 00:11:56,005
No sweat.
242
00:11:56,089 --> 00:11:57,882
I'll just show you to the room.
243
00:11:58,966 --> 00:12:00,766
Oh, this is my father. Don't get up.
244
00:12:02,636 --> 00:12:04,596
-Like a cup of coffee?
-Oh, that'd be great.
245
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:07,139
Fine. The, the room is right
down the hall there and to the right.
246
00:12:07,223 --> 00:12:09,225
-And I'll meet you there.
-Okay.
247
00:12:11,811 --> 00:12:16,606
Oh, and, Dad, this is a small thing,
but you left the sponge in the sink again.
248
00:12:16,690 --> 00:12:17,566
So?
249
00:12:18,275 --> 00:12:19,525
Well, as I mentioned last evening,
250
00:12:19,609 --> 00:12:21,736
if it stays wet, not only
does it begin to smell,
251
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:24,280
but it becomes a breeding
ground for bacteria.
252
00:12:24,947 --> 00:12:25,822
So?
253
00:12:25,906 --> 00:12:31,119
So, if I were to, say, wipe up that salsa
that you spilled on the table just now,
254
00:12:31,203 --> 00:12:35,873
I would be leaving behind bacteria
such as salmonella, listeria, shigella.
255
00:12:35,957 --> 00:12:37,166
Now, wouldn't that bother you?
256
00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:39,085
Yeah, I guess you're right.
It would bother me.
257
00:12:39,169 --> 00:12:41,378
I wouldn't dream of
touching that sponge now.
258
00:12:41,462 --> 00:12:42,296
[WHISTLES]
259
00:12:50,386 --> 00:12:55,057
Ah, yes, our own
foul-breathed little Handiwipe.
260
00:13:11,864 --> 00:13:14,281
You've been leaving lights on
in the apartment all weekend.
261
00:13:14,365 --> 00:13:16,200
You know what that
does to the electric bill?
262
00:13:16,284 --> 00:13:18,244
As opposed to the nuclear
power plant they had to build
263
00:13:18,328 --> 00:13:20,378
to keep that television on day and night?
264
00:13:22,456 --> 00:13:25,208
-You moved my chair again, didn't you?
-No.
265
00:13:25,292 --> 00:13:28,670
Oh, well, maybe Eddie did it.
Eddie, did you move my chair?
266
00:13:28,754 --> 00:13:31,880
Because Frasier said he didn't do it, and
Frasier'd never mess around with my stuff.
267
00:13:31,964 --> 00:13:33,714
All right, I moved your damn chair.
268
00:13:34,217 --> 00:13:36,635
The way you have it turned
ruins the symmetry of the room.
269
00:13:36,719 --> 00:13:40,179
-The sight line loses all flow.
-Oh, the sight line.
270
00:13:40,263 --> 00:13:42,599
And here I thought it was
for some dumb reason.
271
00:13:43,141 --> 00:13:44,809
[DOORBELL RINGS]
272
00:13:44,893 --> 00:13:47,436
And, please, will you get
Eddie off of the couch?
273
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,970
Or else it's out to the garbage
chute for the thrill ride of his life.
274
00:14:03,492 --> 00:14:05,077
Well, howdy, pardner.
275
00:14:06,036 --> 00:14:07,454
Save your snippy remarks.
276
00:14:07,538 --> 00:14:08,372
Fair enough.
277
00:14:08,872 --> 00:14:13,876
Say, am I crazy, or is there a
bright golden haze on the meadow?
278
00:14:16,170 --> 00:14:18,922
Stop it.
I'm in the middle of a social crisis.
279
00:14:19,006 --> 00:14:21,382
I just drove to the
Hoedown for the Homeless,
280
00:14:21,466 --> 00:14:24,969
assuming that Maris had simply
neglected to forward my invitation.
281
00:14:25,053 --> 00:14:27,638
Well, not only was I
not on the guest list,
282
00:14:27,722 --> 00:14:32,851
but Nelson the parking attendant said
he missed me at the Luau for Lupus.
283
00:14:34,937 --> 00:14:37,313
Now it's official. I am a social outcast.
284
00:14:37,397 --> 00:14:39,273
Oh, Niles, why do you even
care about those people?
285
00:14:39,357 --> 00:14:42,610
You know, in your hour of need,
they pretend you don't even exist.
286
00:14:43,236 --> 00:14:45,737
They treat you like you're
a leper, a non-person.
287
00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:47,948
But I really, really like them.
288
00:14:49,533 --> 00:14:53,285
I know, I know, it makes me sound
pathetic, but I'm newly separated.
289
00:14:53,369 --> 00:14:55,871
These people have been
my social circle for 10 years.
290
00:14:55,955 --> 00:14:57,957
Frasier, they're my tribe.
291
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:03,545
Well, I hate to break this to
you, Waltzes with Snobs, but…
292
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:11,801
They have left you on
the mountaintop to die.
293
00:15:11,885 --> 00:15:15,347
Now, Niles, maybe your
friends wanted to invite you,
294
00:15:15,431 --> 00:15:18,599
but they probably thought
you'd be upset seeing Maris there.
295
00:15:18,683 --> 00:15:22,520
-Of course. You're absolutely right.
-Oh, that's ridiculous.
296
00:15:22,604 --> 00:15:23,854
Oh, why are you so negative?
297
00:15:23,938 --> 00:15:26,023
-These people do care about me.
-Oh, fine. Very well.
298
00:15:26,107 --> 00:15:27,524
Call them, prove to me I'm wrong.
299
00:15:27,608 --> 00:15:29,692
Nothing would give me greater pleasure.
Where's your phone?
300
00:15:29,776 --> 00:15:31,653
-In my bedroom.
-FRASIER: Where else would it be?
301
00:15:31,737 --> 00:15:33,821
And Dad's electric
shaver is in the kitchen.
302
00:15:33,905 --> 00:15:37,408
You see, all our appliances are
on an adventure this weekend.
303
00:15:43,580 --> 00:15:45,540
Well, are you proud of
yourself stirring things up?
304
00:15:45,624 --> 00:15:48,584
Why didn't you just let him think
his friends were doing him a favor?
305
00:15:48,668 --> 00:15:52,587
Ah, yes, the Martin Crane approach:
better living through denial.
306
00:15:52,671 --> 00:15:54,089
You did the same thing with Daphne.
307
00:15:54,173 --> 00:15:56,424
You couldn't just pretend that
nothing was going on back there.
308
00:15:56,508 --> 00:16:00,261
Dad, I'm a psychiatrist.
I don't pretend. I confront.
309
00:16:00,345 --> 00:16:02,388
-I resolve.
-Oh, yeah, you really resolved this.
310
00:16:02,472 --> 00:16:03,514
Now she's moving out.
311
00:16:03,598 --> 00:16:06,016
You know, I swear you
just go looking for trouble.
312
00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:08,018
Oh, that is so untrue.
313
00:16:08,644 --> 00:16:11,355
And perhaps you can explain this.
314
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,441
A grown man's obsession with a sponge?
315
00:16:16,525 --> 00:16:17,860
No, I can't.
316
00:16:18,361 --> 00:16:21,655
The last two days, I have asked you
again and again as politely as I can
317
00:16:21,739 --> 00:16:22,698
to wring out the sponge.
318
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:25,116
But you don't even have the
consideration to respect my feelings.
319
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,576
Because your feelings are stupid.
320
00:16:26,660 --> 00:16:27,785
But they're my feelings.
321
00:16:27,869 --> 00:16:29,620
And important to me.
322
00:16:29,704 --> 00:16:32,123
And because of that, you should
have the courtesy to respect them.
323
00:16:32,207 --> 00:16:35,250
Oh, just like you respect my feelings
when I ask you not to move my chair.
324
00:16:35,334 --> 00:16:37,669
-That makes no sense at all.
-Oh, all right.
325
00:16:37,753 --> 00:16:39,546
You want me to dry that sponge?
326
00:16:39,630 --> 00:16:41,506
I'll dry that sponge.
327
00:16:43,758 --> 00:16:44,842
There.
328
00:16:44,926 --> 00:16:47,678
-Give it about a minute.
-Oh, that's mature.
329
00:16:47,762 --> 00:16:50,930
Oh, boy, what a tortured
little world you live in.
330
00:16:51,014 --> 00:16:53,558
Newspapers strewn all over the place.
331
00:16:53,642 --> 00:16:55,476
Sponge germs coming after you.
332
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,061
It's a wonder you can sleep at night.
333
00:16:57,145 --> 00:16:59,479
Oh, my dreams get me by.
334
00:16:59,563 --> 00:17:02,149
Like the one where I
strap you in your chair
335
00:17:02,233 --> 00:17:04,526
and run around the house
turning on all the lights.
336
00:17:04,610 --> 00:17:06,402
Even in the rooms I'm nowhere near.
337
00:17:06,486 --> 00:17:09,614
Boy, that electric meter
must really be spinning now.
338
00:17:12,784 --> 00:17:13,909
Evening, all.
339
00:17:13,993 --> 00:17:16,161
-Did you boys have a nice weekend?
-Great.
340
00:17:16,245 --> 00:17:17,537
Barrel of laughs.
341
00:17:17,621 --> 00:17:20,791
Well, I had the loveliest time. Hey, off.
342
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:25,503
We found this little bed and
breakfast right up the coast.
343
00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:28,172
I talked my decision over with Joe,
344
00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:31,299
and he agreed it really is
the best thing for everyone.
345
00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:36,429
Of course, I'll be here during the day
to help your father with his exercises,
346
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:38,431
but nights and weekends
347
00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:42,184
it'll just be the two of you carefree
bachelors getting into trouble together.
348
00:17:42,268 --> 00:17:45,855
Oh, I'm usually just
underfoot around here anyway.
349
00:17:46,647 --> 00:17:51,359
So, you see, my decision
is best for everyone.
350
00:17:51,985 --> 00:17:55,946
Well, I've had a long
weekend, so good night.
351
00:17:57,406 --> 00:17:58,356
Good night, Daphne.
352
00:18:02,870 --> 00:18:03,746
Frasier?
353
00:18:04,662 --> 00:18:05,538
What?
354
00:18:06,289 --> 00:18:11,377
You know how an Oreo has that soft
creamy filling between two hard cookies?
355
00:18:12,253 --> 00:18:14,796
That's what keeps them together.
356
00:18:16,298 --> 00:18:17,758
I see your point, Dad.
357
00:18:18,341 --> 00:18:19,885
Daphne's kind of the center.
358
00:18:20,594 --> 00:18:22,135
I'll go and talk to her.
359
00:18:22,219 --> 00:18:25,014
Now you and me, we'd be the cookie part.
360
00:18:27,016 --> 00:18:28,225
I get it.
361
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:39,234
-May I come in?
-Yes, of course.
362
00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:40,518
Thank you, Daphne. Uh…
363
00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:46,365
Daphne, you can't go. You have to stay.
364
00:18:46,449 --> 00:18:49,326
I've only just recently realized
how important you are to us.
365
00:18:49,410 --> 00:18:52,246
See, if you go, Dad
and I will kill each other.
366
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,331
I'm not just tossing out hyperbole here.
367
00:18:55,415 --> 00:18:58,415
I'm speaking in the most literal sense.
Dad and I, both dead.
368
00:18:58,502 --> 00:19:01,379
Only he'll be lying there
with a bacteria-ridden sponge
369
00:19:01,463 --> 00:19:03,839
protruding from his mouth
like a bloated tongue.
370
00:19:06,008 --> 00:19:08,969
Look. You don't really want
that on your conscience, do you?
371
00:19:09,053 --> 00:19:10,553
No, of course not.
372
00:19:11,179 --> 00:19:14,682
And the truth is, I do still
think of this place as my home.
373
00:19:14,766 --> 00:19:17,518
But I know you'd never be
comfortable knowing Joe and I were…
374
00:19:17,602 --> 00:19:20,603
Well, I… I'd be willing to try.
375
00:19:20,687 --> 00:19:22,647
Oh, I know you better than that.
376
00:19:22,731 --> 00:19:24,983
It'll bother you, and
we'll both be miserable.
377
00:19:25,067 --> 00:19:27,235
Well, why can't I get past this? I…
378
00:19:28,402 --> 00:19:30,696
Oh, it would just be easier
if I could be like my father
379
00:19:30,780 --> 00:19:32,930
and pretend you weren't
in here making love.
380
00:19:34,158 --> 00:19:35,324
Making love?
381
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,258
Is that what you think we were doing?
382
00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:38,911
Yes, of course.
383
00:19:38,995 --> 00:19:42,374
Oh, no, there was nothing
like that going on in here.
384
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:44,583
Really?
385
00:19:46,210 --> 00:19:48,838
Seems rather implausible.
386
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,465
You know, I'd like to believe that,
387
00:19:51,549 --> 00:19:53,967
and, believe me, I really do want to…
388
00:19:54,717 --> 00:19:56,427
How can I?
389
00:19:56,511 --> 00:20:01,765
Well, how could Joe and I make
love, what with, Joe's war injury?
390
00:20:02,808 --> 00:20:03,642
Oh.
391
00:20:04,810 --> 00:20:06,519
I didn't even know Joe was a soldier.
392
00:20:06,603 --> 00:20:09,146
-What war would that be?
-The Falkland Islands.
393
00:20:09,856 --> 00:20:11,648
But that was a British conflict.
And Joe's not…
394
00:20:11,732 --> 00:20:13,943
Well, his parents have
a summer house there.
395
00:20:15,403 --> 00:20:18,655
Oh, that's very unfortunate, huh?
396
00:20:19,155 --> 00:20:21,074
Taking a summer house in a war zone.
397
00:20:22,325 --> 00:20:25,744
-But how?
-He was kicked by a sheep.
398
00:20:25,828 --> 00:20:26,661
A sheep?
399
00:20:26,745 --> 00:20:29,539
Yes, a sheep spooked by an air raid siren.
400
00:20:29,623 --> 00:20:30,457
Work with me.
401
00:20:30,541 --> 00:20:31,834
I see. All right.
402
00:20:33,127 --> 00:20:35,586
So, what you're saying is that Joe…
403
00:20:35,670 --> 00:20:36,713
Can't.
404
00:20:37,881 --> 00:20:38,798
Ah.
405
00:20:40,174 --> 00:20:41,634
I suppose that changes everything.
406
00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:44,219
Yes. I suppose it does. [CHUCKLES]
407
00:20:44,303 --> 00:20:46,679
But just so as we're clear…
408
00:20:46,763 --> 00:20:49,933
-Mm-hm.
-Even though there's no actual lovemaking,
409
00:20:50,017 --> 00:20:54,729
Joe and I can on occasion, say, read
poems to each other in here at night?
410
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,539
As long as you don't read too loudly.
411
00:21:06,323 --> 00:21:07,155
She's staying.
412
00:21:07,239 --> 00:21:08,490
[EXHALES]
413
00:21:08,574 --> 00:21:11,452
Turns out they're sleeping together,
414
00:21:12,328 --> 00:21:13,621
but not having sex.
415
00:21:16,247 --> 00:21:18,833
See, they can't have sex
because of an injury Joe suffered
416
00:21:18,917 --> 00:21:21,710
when kicked by a spooked
sheep during an air raid
417
00:21:21,794 --> 00:21:25,344
while his family was vacationing in
the Falkland Islands during the war.
418
00:21:29,176 --> 00:21:31,885
Well, Dad was right.
They are my real friends.
419
00:21:31,969 --> 00:21:33,887
It was all just a misunderstanding.
420
00:21:33,971 --> 00:21:37,725
Apparently, the social
chairman's dog ate my invitation.
421
00:21:39,226 --> 00:21:40,768
And the poor animal had to go to the vet,
422
00:21:40,852 --> 00:21:43,479
and with all the confusion,
they forgot to send me another.
423
00:21:43,563 --> 00:21:46,357
And, when I offered my new
address for next year's party, they said,
424
00:21:46,441 --> 00:21:48,984
"No need. We'll see you around."
425
00:21:51,987 --> 00:21:54,114
I'm gonna start wearing sweatpants.
426
00:21:54,198 --> 00:21:56,158
That damned dryer again.
427
00:21:59,035 --> 00:22:00,494
Hey, you guys want some cookies?
428
00:22:00,578 --> 00:22:02,621
-They're reduced fat.
-FRASIER: Really?
429
00:22:02,705 --> 00:22:04,873
That means we can eat twice as many.
430
00:22:04,957 --> 00:22:06,040
Yes, wouldn't that be lovely?
431
00:22:06,124 --> 00:22:10,087
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
432
00:22:13,214 --> 00:22:14,214
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
433
00:22:14,298 --> 00:22:16,975
♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪
434
00:22:17,059 --> 00:22:19,387
♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪
435
00:22:20,096 --> 00:22:21,263
Oh, my.
436
00:22:21,347 --> 00:22:23,598
♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪
437
00:22:23,682 --> 00:22:26,267
♪ Well, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪
438
00:22:26,351 --> 00:22:28,519
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
439
00:22:28,603 --> 00:22:30,145
♪ But I don't know what to do ♪
440
00:22:30,229 --> 00:22:33,732
♪ With those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪
441
00:22:34,525 --> 00:22:37,152
♪ They're callin' again ♪
442
00:22:37,236 --> 00:22:39,445
Good night, Seattle. We love you!