1 00:00:02,250 --> 00:00:04,252 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:10,884 --> 00:00:12,344 Oh, slow down. 3 00:00:12,969 --> 00:00:16,014 Hey, Daphne, guess what Eddie ate in the park today? 4 00:00:16,098 --> 00:00:18,224 Uh, let's see. A hot dog wrapper. 5 00:00:18,308 --> 00:00:19,684 Nope. Guess again. 6 00:00:19,768 --> 00:00:21,269 -A cigarette butt. -Nope. Guess again. 7 00:00:21,353 --> 00:00:22,979 -Apple core? -No. Guess again. 8 00:00:23,063 --> 00:00:25,857 Oh, really? Must you two play this ridiculous game? 9 00:00:26,483 --> 00:00:29,527 She makes some feeble stab, and you say, "No, guess again." 10 00:00:29,611 --> 00:00:31,946 Then she starts failing away with even more ludicrous answers, 11 00:00:32,030 --> 00:00:33,948 all the while you're chanting, "Guess again" 12 00:00:34,032 --> 00:00:37,285 till she's gibbering like some auctioneer with a bad bladder. 13 00:00:38,578 --> 00:00:41,623 Then you finally reveal the answer, at which point nobody even cares. 14 00:00:41,707 --> 00:00:44,876 I'm not sure which one of us got the worst of that, but I think it was you. 15 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:45,919 Guess again. 16 00:00:48,088 --> 00:00:49,256 [DOORBELL RINGS] 17 00:00:50,048 --> 00:00:51,174 [MARTIN GROANS] 18 00:00:53,635 --> 00:00:54,469 Niles. 19 00:00:55,053 --> 00:00:57,253 There's a half-eaten lizard in your elevator. 20 00:00:58,306 --> 00:01:00,306 And that's the last hint you're getting. 21 00:01:02,728 --> 00:01:06,105 Oh, Frasier, I had a breakthrough today with one of my compulsive gamblers, 22 00:01:06,189 --> 00:01:08,941 and he gave me two tickets to the race track on Saturday. 23 00:01:09,025 --> 00:01:11,069 It's a luxury box. I thought you might want to go. 24 00:01:11,153 --> 00:01:13,853 I would love to, Niles. Why don't you want to use them? 25 00:01:14,239 --> 00:01:17,659 -Well, the jockeys, if you must know. -What? 26 00:01:17,743 --> 00:01:21,663 Diminutive, underweight figures in expensive silks, wielding riding crops. 27 00:01:21,747 --> 00:01:23,647 It just reminded me too much of Maris. 28 00:01:27,669 --> 00:01:30,672 Dad, what about you? You never turn down the horses. 29 00:01:30,756 --> 00:01:32,799 Ah, sorry. I've got poker with the guys. 30 00:01:32,883 --> 00:01:36,344 Oh, well then, I'll just, uh, call one of my friends. 31 00:01:41,516 --> 00:01:44,268 Jeez, this is sort of embarrassing. 32 00:01:44,352 --> 00:01:46,604 The first three names on my list, they're all back in Boston. 33 00:01:46,688 --> 00:01:48,481 What about someone from your wine club? 34 00:01:48,565 --> 00:01:51,275 Oh, well, truth be told, Daphne, those people are insufferable bores 35 00:01:51,359 --> 00:01:52,819 unless they have a glass in their hands. 36 00:01:52,903 --> 00:01:54,153 -Sherry, Niles? -Please. 37 00:01:56,281 --> 00:01:59,242 Oh, I know. How about Ed O'Hanlon? 38 00:01:59,326 --> 00:02:00,868 Moved away last year. 39 00:02:00,952 --> 00:02:03,329 Oh, oh, how about Edmund Kelly? 40 00:02:03,413 --> 00:02:05,581 If I know ol' Ed, he'd never leave Seattle. 41 00:02:05,665 --> 00:02:08,065 Indeed not. They buried him here three years ago. 42 00:02:08,794 --> 00:02:12,255 Dear me, really? Well, hmm. Jeez, I'll miss him. 43 00:02:12,339 --> 00:02:13,256 Yes. 44 00:02:13,340 --> 00:02:16,740 Three years from now when you think of him again, there'll be a void. 45 00:02:18,845 --> 00:02:20,304 My God, how did this happen? 46 00:02:20,388 --> 00:02:23,057 I've been back here for two years, I've yet to forge any new friendships. 47 00:02:23,141 --> 00:02:24,642 Well, you better watch it, Frasier. 48 00:02:24,726 --> 00:02:27,812 Next thing you know, you're gonna be like one of these old people 49 00:02:27,896 --> 00:02:31,274 who are so set in their ways that they're only happy hanging around 50 00:02:31,358 --> 00:02:33,610 with people who are the same as they are. 51 00:02:37,989 --> 00:02:39,866 What exactly is your point, Dad? 52 00:02:40,575 --> 00:02:42,535 I've lost my knack for making friends? 53 00:02:42,619 --> 00:02:45,872 Well, I hate to bring it up, but you never were very good at it. 54 00:02:45,956 --> 00:02:48,833 It was always you and Niles ever since you were kids. 55 00:02:48,917 --> 00:02:52,211 The two of you always holed up in that damned garage. 56 00:02:52,295 --> 00:02:53,995 At least until you burned it down. 57 00:02:55,423 --> 00:02:56,799 You burned down the garage? 58 00:02:56,883 --> 00:03:00,846 Well, Frasier and his Bunsen burner and me and my mosquito repellent. 59 00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:04,339 In retrospect, it was unavoidable. 60 00:03:05,350 --> 00:03:09,312 Still, you know, Dad, I did have friends in college and, and back in Boston. 61 00:03:09,396 --> 00:03:11,981 It's only since I moved to Seattle that I started falling back on Niles. 62 00:03:12,065 --> 00:03:14,150 Ooh, "falling back on Niles." 63 00:03:14,234 --> 00:03:16,652 Oh, Niles, you know what I mean. 64 00:03:16,736 --> 00:03:18,571 Settling for what's comfortable and familiar. 65 00:03:18,655 --> 00:03:20,782 My God, you and I can go out together, 66 00:03:20,866 --> 00:03:22,658 and I know what you're thinking before you say it. 67 00:03:22,742 --> 00:03:25,242 Well, then I'm sorry you had to hear that, Frasier. 68 00:03:28,874 --> 00:03:29,707 You know what? 69 00:03:29,791 --> 00:03:31,751 This would make a wonderful topic for my show, 70 00:03:31,835 --> 00:03:34,921 "Making New Friends: What Are We So Afraid Of?" 71 00:03:35,005 --> 00:03:36,923 Oh, why do you make everything so complicated? 72 00:03:37,007 --> 00:03:38,049 You wanna meet somebody new, 73 00:03:38,133 --> 00:03:41,093 just walk up to him, stick out your hand, and say, "Hi, how you doing?" 74 00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:44,430 Thank you, Dad, I can always count on you not to overthink something. 75 00:03:44,514 --> 00:03:45,348 Thanks. 76 00:03:46,141 --> 00:03:47,017 Hey! 77 00:03:53,648 --> 00:03:56,275 FRASIER: So why is it we have so much trouble making friends? 78 00:03:56,359 --> 00:03:58,259 Is it because we've become closed off, 79 00:03:58,737 --> 00:04:00,738 no longer want to reach out to our fellow man? 80 00:04:00,822 --> 00:04:02,740 Well, I'd like to think that if one of you listeners 81 00:04:02,824 --> 00:04:04,325 happen to see me on the street, 82 00:04:04,409 --> 00:04:06,160 you'd feel free to walk right on up to me and… 83 00:04:06,244 --> 00:04:07,161 Excuse me, Dr. Crane. 84 00:04:07,245 --> 00:04:10,445 We have to stop for a very important public service announcement. 85 00:04:11,708 --> 00:04:13,668 Have you lost your mind? 86 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,588 You're opening yourself up to every creep out there. 87 00:04:17,672 --> 00:04:20,299 Oh, Roz, that's exactly the kind of cynicism I'm talking about. 88 00:04:20,383 --> 00:04:22,510 I, for one, happen to believe in the kindness of strangers. 89 00:04:22,594 --> 00:04:24,944 Well, I believe in the strangeness of strangers. 90 00:04:25,722 --> 00:04:26,556 Three seconds. 91 00:04:28,266 --> 00:04:31,143 Hi, we're back on the topic of friendship. 92 00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:32,770 Now let's go to the switchboard. 93 00:04:32,854 --> 00:04:34,480 Roz, who's on line one? 94 00:04:34,564 --> 00:04:35,523 Good news, Dr. Crane. 95 00:04:35,607 --> 00:04:38,401 It's Gerard from Stan wood. A new friend. 96 00:04:41,655 --> 00:04:43,614 Hello, Gerard. I'm listening. 97 00:04:43,698 --> 00:04:46,076 Well, I called for another reason, Dr. Crane, 98 00:04:46,785 --> 00:04:48,735 but what you just said really moved me. 99 00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:50,997 I wish more people felt that way. 100 00:04:51,539 --> 00:04:53,666 Well, thank you, Gerard. 101 00:04:53,750 --> 00:04:55,626 I sense a kindred spirit. 102 00:04:55,710 --> 00:04:58,713 Maybe we could get together sometime, have a beer. 103 00:04:59,255 --> 00:05:01,758 Maybe I could, you know, comb your hair. 104 00:05:10,141 --> 00:05:12,268 FRASIER: Thank you for your offer of friendship, George, 105 00:05:12,352 --> 00:05:18,149 but I really don't have $5,000 to invest in your french fry vending machine. 106 00:05:18,942 --> 00:05:21,485 And for the sake of those who do invest, I suggest, sir, 107 00:05:21,569 --> 00:05:24,656 that you find a better name than "The Spuddy Buddy." 108 00:05:26,658 --> 00:05:30,704 This is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you all good mental health. 109 00:05:31,579 --> 00:05:33,373 I mean that today more than ever. 110 00:05:36,126 --> 00:05:37,835 I just love it when I'm right. 111 00:05:37,919 --> 00:05:39,670 It makes the day so good. 112 00:05:39,754 --> 00:05:41,923 -You stacked the deck, didn't you? -Oh, please. 113 00:05:42,007 --> 00:05:43,883 You should've heard the calls I didn't put through, 114 00:05:43,967 --> 00:05:45,635 let alone these faxes. 115 00:05:45,719 --> 00:05:46,719 Read some of these. 116 00:05:46,803 --> 00:05:49,973 -They're sick. -Oh, Roz, my listeners are not sick. 117 00:05:53,184 --> 00:05:55,034 Although this one does bear watching. 118 00:05:57,981 --> 00:05:59,732 Well, here's one that has promise. 119 00:05:59,816 --> 00:06:02,276 "Dear Dr. Crane, I never thought I'd write a letter like this, 120 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:04,612 "but I was moved by today's show." 121 00:06:04,696 --> 00:06:08,406 "As a photographer, I come into contact with new people on a daily basis," 122 00:06:08,490 --> 00:06:11,576 "yet I often find it difficult to make that one-on-one connection." 123 00:06:11,660 --> 00:06:15,456 "However, your words offered hope, and I just wanted to say thank you." 124 00:06:15,998 --> 00:06:17,416 Sincerely, Bob Reynolds." 125 00:06:18,292 --> 00:06:20,251 -Well, he doesn't sound too wacked. -No. 126 00:06:20,335 --> 00:06:22,796 You know what? I think I'm gonna give Mr. Bob Reynolds a call. 127 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,172 Oh, are you nuts? 128 00:06:24,256 --> 00:06:29,177 He could be a raving psychopath with a trunk full of decomposing squirrels. 129 00:06:29,261 --> 00:06:31,888 Oh, rubbish, Roz. I'm gonna call him. 130 00:06:31,972 --> 00:06:34,472 Where did you come up with such a disgusting image? 131 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,268 Meet Garth from Tacoma. 132 00:06:45,277 --> 00:06:46,236 NILES: You're late today. 133 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,488 But I'm glad you're here. I need your help. 134 00:06:48,572 --> 00:06:52,367 My designer is ready to mutiny if I don't pick a fabric for my new couch. 135 00:06:52,451 --> 00:06:55,495 Now, I brought lots of swatches, so make yourself comfortable. 136 00:06:55,579 --> 00:06:57,747 Frankly, Niles, I'm not here to see you. 137 00:06:57,831 --> 00:06:59,249 I'm meeting a new friend. 138 00:07:00,417 --> 00:07:01,543 A new friend? 139 00:07:01,627 --> 00:07:05,880 Yes, well, you remember I was talking about widening my circle of friends. 140 00:07:05,964 --> 00:07:07,048 Oh, I see. 141 00:07:07,132 --> 00:07:09,092 No more "falling back on Niles." 142 00:07:09,176 --> 00:07:12,137 No, it's not that I'm trying to replace you, Niles. 143 00:07:12,221 --> 00:07:14,848 It's just that, Bob and I are… 144 00:07:14,932 --> 00:07:15,807 Bob? 145 00:07:15,891 --> 00:07:18,352 You're dumping me for someone named Bob? 146 00:07:19,728 --> 00:07:22,022 Niles, I am not dumping you. 147 00:07:22,106 --> 00:07:24,899 I'm just worried that Bob might feel awkward meeting the two of us. 148 00:07:24,983 --> 00:07:29,029 Oh, well, we wouldn't want to make Bob feel uncomfortable, now, would we? 149 00:07:29,113 --> 00:07:32,950 I mean, after all, I've only been your brother for, hmm, 38 years now. 150 00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:34,284 What does that mean 151 00:07:34,368 --> 00:07:37,068 when there's the possibility that Bob may feel awkward? 152 00:07:37,746 --> 00:07:39,789 There's a man over there who says he's waiting for you. 153 00:07:39,873 --> 00:07:42,251 Ah, no doubt the much-ballyhooed Bob. 154 00:07:43,085 --> 00:07:45,545 -Niles. -Oh, it's all right. It's all right. 155 00:07:45,629 --> 00:07:48,381 I'll go quietly. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. 156 00:07:48,465 --> 00:07:51,135 I'll just go home to my Maris. Oh, that's right. 157 00:07:56,765 --> 00:07:58,099 -Bob? -Dr. Crane? 158 00:07:58,183 --> 00:08:01,019 -[CHUCKLES] No, please, call me Frasier. -Oh, Frasier, then. 159 00:08:01,103 --> 00:08:03,188 -I'm glad you called. -Oh, yes, well… 160 00:08:03,272 --> 00:08:04,814 Coffee, please. Thank you. 161 00:08:04,898 --> 00:08:06,358 Well, uh… [CLEARS THROAT] 162 00:08:06,942 --> 00:08:07,776 So… 163 00:08:08,402 --> 00:08:09,903 -So… -So… [CHUCKLES] 164 00:08:10,737 --> 00:08:12,864 Listen, thank you for your fax. 165 00:08:12,948 --> 00:08:14,866 Oh, I listen to your show all the time. 166 00:08:14,950 --> 00:08:16,750 I think… I think you're brilliant. 167 00:08:17,035 --> 00:08:18,495 You're probably sick of hearing that. 168 00:08:18,579 --> 00:08:20,747 One would think, but it's my cross. 169 00:08:20,831 --> 00:08:21,832 [BOTH LAUGHING] 170 00:08:23,041 --> 00:08:25,543 That's the thing I love about your show. 171 00:08:25,627 --> 00:08:27,712 You're not just serious. You can be funny. 172 00:08:27,796 --> 00:08:31,133 Well, yes, I, I believe that humor can be a therapeutic tool. 173 00:08:31,925 --> 00:08:34,928 "Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand." 174 00:08:36,305 --> 00:08:39,641 Mark Twain, The Mysterious Stranger. I have a first edition. 175 00:08:39,725 --> 00:08:41,810 -I'm a collector myself. -No. 176 00:08:41,894 --> 00:08:46,022 You know, I… I was a bit trepidatious about this experiment, Bob, 177 00:08:46,106 --> 00:08:47,982 but I'm feeling a real simpatico here. 178 00:08:48,066 --> 00:08:49,651 -Yeah, me too. -I'm gonna go out on a limb. 179 00:08:49,735 --> 00:08:51,653 What do you say, once we finish these coffees, 180 00:08:51,737 --> 00:08:53,113 we treat ourselves to a proper dinner? 181 00:08:53,197 --> 00:08:54,948 -Hey, that sounds great. -Okay. 182 00:08:55,032 --> 00:08:56,742 So, what are you reading? 183 00:08:57,659 --> 00:09:01,330 It's my bible. The Big Book of Barbecue by Jeff Filgo. 184 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:03,873 He's a Texan. 185 00:09:03,957 --> 00:09:06,543 You know, of course all Texans think they invented barbecue. 186 00:09:06,627 --> 00:09:07,920 Arrogant bastards. 187 00:09:08,962 --> 00:09:10,339 You like barbecue? 188 00:09:11,089 --> 00:09:16,302 Well, you know, on a national holiday, 4th of July, that sort of… 189 00:09:16,386 --> 00:09:18,555 You know the secret to good barbecue? 190 00:09:19,181 --> 00:09:20,223 Mesquite. 191 00:09:20,307 --> 00:09:25,270 And the secret to mesquite is you gotta soak them in water for ten minutes. 192 00:09:25,354 --> 00:09:27,605 On special occasions, I'll soak them in beer. 193 00:09:27,689 --> 00:09:31,776 Once, I soaked them in sake for that flavor of the Far East. 194 00:09:31,860 --> 00:09:34,863 You know, in Japan, they call their barbecues "hibachis." 195 00:09:34,947 --> 00:09:36,323 The arrogant bastards. 196 00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:41,744 You know, I'm digging my own barbecue pit right now. 197 00:09:41,828 --> 00:09:44,289 My specialty is a Cheyenne Smoky Quail. 198 00:09:44,373 --> 00:09:47,917 The trick is a high engulfing flame, like a forest fire. 199 00:09:48,001 --> 00:09:50,651 Of course, they call forest fires "nature's barbecue." 200 00:09:52,547 --> 00:09:56,635 Do you know what my co-workers call me? Shis-ka-Bob. 201 00:09:59,429 --> 00:10:00,305 Ah. 202 00:10:00,931 --> 00:10:06,102 Well, Bob, do you have any charcoal-free interests? 203 00:10:06,186 --> 00:10:08,021 Yeah, I'm a professional photographer. 204 00:10:08,105 --> 00:10:09,522 "The camera never lies." 205 00:10:09,606 --> 00:10:12,025 Yes. Now, see, I am a bit of a camera buff myself. 206 00:10:12,109 --> 00:10:13,860 So, what's your trade? Are you a photojournalist? 207 00:10:13,944 --> 00:10:16,029 I take kids' portraits at ValueMart. 208 00:10:16,113 --> 00:10:17,739 "Where your dollar buys more." 209 00:10:20,284 --> 00:10:23,034 You know what? Why don't we talk about this over dinner? 210 00:10:25,122 --> 00:10:25,998 Right. 211 00:10:29,084 --> 00:10:32,129 You know, Bob, about that dinner… 212 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,883 How about, uh, Tex-Mex, huh? 213 00:10:37,759 --> 00:10:39,594 Hey, you're talking my language. 214 00:10:40,512 --> 00:10:41,612 [WHEELCHAIR SQUEAKING] 215 00:10:43,223 --> 00:10:44,823 [WHEELCHAIR CONTINUES SQUEAKING] 216 00:10:52,274 --> 00:10:53,567 No, you don't. 217 00:10:54,651 --> 00:10:57,946 I'm fixing you a breakfast drink with fresh fruit, 218 00:10:58,030 --> 00:11:01,324 yogurt, carob, pitted prunes. 219 00:11:01,408 --> 00:11:03,618 A healthy body makes for a sunny disposition. 220 00:11:03,702 --> 00:11:06,788 You want sunny, let me have my fritter. 221 00:11:08,332 --> 00:11:09,750 Oh, shush. 222 00:11:14,421 --> 00:11:15,755 There we are. 223 00:11:15,839 --> 00:11:20,093 Yeah, there just aren't enough drinks that build up a nice head of black foam. 224 00:11:23,889 --> 00:11:24,806 Morning. 225 00:11:25,724 --> 00:11:27,225 Well, you were home late last night. 226 00:11:27,309 --> 00:11:30,561 Mm-hm. I had dinner with a new friend, Bob. 227 00:11:30,645 --> 00:11:32,021 Oh, that's right. 228 00:11:32,105 --> 00:11:33,898 -You have a good time? -Hardly. 229 00:11:33,982 --> 00:11:37,151 The man talks endlessly on subjects that are of no interest to anyone but him. 230 00:11:37,235 --> 00:11:40,155 Gee, I can't imagine what that's like. 231 00:11:44,117 --> 00:11:46,828 You know, Dad, he took me to this god-awful barbecue place. 232 00:11:46,912 --> 00:11:50,790 All they serve is huge platters of charred, greasy beef. 233 00:11:50,874 --> 00:11:53,668 The only sound you can hear is the gnawing of meat, 234 00:11:53,752 --> 00:11:54,961 the smacking of lips 235 00:11:55,045 --> 00:11:57,839 and the clatter of bones hitting the floor. 236 00:11:59,299 --> 00:12:01,699 I can't take it anymore. I'm having that fritter. 237 00:12:04,846 --> 00:12:07,432 If you don't like this man, why did you have dinner with him? 238 00:12:07,516 --> 00:12:10,643 Well, I was going to tell him that I didn't want to see him anymore, 239 00:12:10,727 --> 00:12:13,563 but you see, it's a bit more delicate than just that. 240 00:12:14,981 --> 00:12:16,149 The problem is 241 00:12:17,317 --> 00:12:18,860 he's in a wheelchair. 242 00:12:18,944 --> 00:12:20,111 So what? 243 00:12:20,195 --> 00:12:21,738 If you don't like him, you don't like him. 244 00:12:21,822 --> 00:12:23,906 Well, I know that. It's just that… 245 00:12:23,990 --> 00:12:26,826 I'd hate to have him think it was just because of the chair. 246 00:12:26,910 --> 00:12:30,079 I have worked with the disabled for over ten years now. 247 00:12:30,163 --> 00:12:33,708 And if it's one thing I've learned, they don't want special treatment. 248 00:12:34,793 --> 00:12:36,419 Oh, I forgot to bring in the paper. 249 00:12:36,503 --> 00:12:37,879 Daphne, would you get it? 250 00:12:37,963 --> 00:12:40,132 My leg's just aching and throbbing. 251 00:12:40,841 --> 00:12:42,134 [DOORBELL RINGS] 252 00:12:43,718 --> 00:12:44,553 I'll get it. 253 00:12:46,138 --> 00:12:47,688 You know, Daphne, you're right. 254 00:12:48,473 --> 00:12:50,892 I was kind of a coward, wasn't I? 255 00:12:50,976 --> 00:12:53,226 But, well, at least I got through the evening. 256 00:12:54,354 --> 00:12:55,772 Here's your paper, buddy. 257 00:13:00,610 --> 00:13:02,153 Bob, you're here. Uh… 258 00:13:02,237 --> 00:13:04,489 -Did we have plans? -No. 259 00:13:04,573 --> 00:13:06,783 I was in the neighborhood. Just thought I'd stop by. 260 00:13:06,867 --> 00:13:09,369 Oh, did I mention where I lived last night? 261 00:13:09,453 --> 00:13:11,621 I am astonishingly sure I didn't. 262 00:13:13,039 --> 00:13:15,541 You'd be amazed what you can find out with computers today. 263 00:13:15,625 --> 00:13:17,960 -Anyway, I brought bagels… -[WHEELCHAIR SQUEAKING] 264 00:13:18,044 --> 00:13:22,006 …poppy seed, pumpernickel, rye, sesame, onion, garlic. 265 00:13:22,090 --> 00:13:23,674 Because after all, 266 00:13:23,758 --> 00:13:26,386 breakfast is the most "important meal of the day." 267 00:13:26,470 --> 00:13:27,820 Hey-ho, you must be Martin. 268 00:13:28,430 --> 00:13:30,098 -You're Daphne. -That's right. 269 00:13:30,182 --> 00:13:31,682 -And you must be Bob. -That's me. 270 00:13:31,766 --> 00:13:34,666 -Bob, same backwards as forwards. -[WHEELCHAIR SQUEAKING] 271 00:13:35,228 --> 00:13:37,481 [BOTH CHUCKLING] 272 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:44,720 ROZ: You got some messages. 273 00:13:45,197 --> 00:13:49,868 Bob, Bob, and, oh, look, here's one from Bob. 274 00:13:51,828 --> 00:13:55,248 Two weeks and 45 phone calls. 275 00:13:55,332 --> 00:13:57,334 Can't we just get an unlisted number? 276 00:13:57,876 --> 00:14:00,044 They sort of frown on that with call-in shows. 277 00:14:00,128 --> 00:14:01,212 I know. 278 00:14:01,296 --> 00:14:03,965 Frasier, you've got to do something about Bob. 279 00:14:04,049 --> 00:14:05,091 I know, Roz. 280 00:14:05,175 --> 00:14:07,427 [GRUNTS] I'm working up to it. 281 00:14:07,511 --> 00:14:10,388 The longer you put it off, the worse he'll feel when you tell him. 282 00:14:10,472 --> 00:14:11,322 Yes, I know that. 283 00:14:12,307 --> 00:14:13,266 I'm a psychiatrist. 284 00:14:13,350 --> 00:14:15,935 I'm quite capable of dealing with difficult problems 285 00:14:16,019 --> 00:14:17,812 in a sensitive, mature fashion. 286 00:14:18,438 --> 00:14:19,272 Wait. 287 00:14:20,565 --> 00:14:21,441 Do you hear that? 288 00:14:22,692 --> 00:14:23,901 That squeak? 289 00:14:23,985 --> 00:14:27,614 -What squeak? -He's here. It's Bob. 290 00:14:28,698 --> 00:14:30,741 -I don't hear anything. -Oh, that's right. 291 00:14:30,825 --> 00:14:32,327 Only dogs and I can hear it. 292 00:14:34,663 --> 00:14:36,539 -Frasier, you're being paranoid. -No. 293 00:14:36,623 --> 00:14:38,040 -[SQUEAKING] -[YELPS] 294 00:14:38,124 --> 00:14:40,585 It's the sound of his chair. I'd know it anywhere. 295 00:14:40,669 --> 00:14:42,920 [SQUEAKING] 296 00:14:43,004 --> 00:14:44,839 Oh, my God! 297 00:14:51,179 --> 00:14:52,847 -Hi, Bob. -Knock, knock, Roz. 298 00:14:52,931 --> 00:14:54,056 Frasier around? 299 00:14:54,140 --> 00:14:56,726 -You just missed him. -Too bad. I got great news. 300 00:14:56,810 --> 00:14:59,145 I checked out that vacancy in his apartment building, 301 00:14:59,229 --> 00:15:01,355 and well, guess who's gonna be neighbors? 302 00:15:01,439 --> 00:15:02,274 [FRASIER YELPS] 303 00:15:05,527 --> 00:15:07,195 -What was that? -Feedback. 304 00:15:07,279 --> 00:15:10,073 This equipment's old and pathetic. 305 00:15:11,992 --> 00:15:14,994 Well, maybe I can catch Frasier back at his place. [CHUCKLES] 306 00:15:15,078 --> 00:15:17,788 -Correction, our place. -[ROZ CHUCKLES] 307 00:15:17,872 --> 00:15:19,832 -Bye, Bob. -Bye, Roz. 308 00:15:19,916 --> 00:15:21,918 [WHEELCHAIR SQUEAKING] 309 00:15:24,713 --> 00:15:27,757 -Okay, he's gone. You can come out now. -No, he's not. 310 00:15:27,841 --> 00:15:29,509 He's never really gone. 311 00:15:30,552 --> 00:15:32,887 So Bob's gonna be your new neighbor. 312 00:15:32,971 --> 00:15:36,015 [TEXAN ACCENT] Well, break out the butane and every day can be barbecue day. 313 00:15:36,099 --> 00:15:39,018 Oh, no. No. 314 00:15:39,102 --> 00:15:41,812 He is not going to move into my building. I won't allow it. 315 00:15:41,896 --> 00:15:42,855 I'm gonna talk to him. 316 00:15:42,939 --> 00:15:43,981 I could use your advice. 317 00:15:44,065 --> 00:15:45,441 You've broken up with a lot of people. 318 00:15:45,525 --> 00:15:47,485 What do you find to be the most effective thing to say? 319 00:15:47,569 --> 00:15:49,696 "I love you and I want to have your baby." 320 00:15:51,656 --> 00:15:53,366 Good, I've got my fallback. 321 00:15:57,495 --> 00:15:59,330 Oh, Niles, Niles, I need to talk. 322 00:15:59,414 --> 00:16:01,207 Bob's meeting me here and… 323 00:16:01,291 --> 00:16:02,458 This isn't my usual. 324 00:16:02,542 --> 00:16:04,711 Well, it's not for you. It's for my friend. 325 00:16:07,672 --> 00:16:09,840 -That man is your friend? -Yep. 326 00:16:09,924 --> 00:16:13,719 We share thoughts, feelings, talk about the arts, current events. 327 00:16:13,803 --> 00:16:15,597 Today we're just… hanging. 328 00:16:20,352 --> 00:16:21,811 -There you are. -Thanks. 329 00:16:21,895 --> 00:16:23,020 My pleasure. 330 00:16:23,104 --> 00:16:25,815 You know, I can't stay long. 331 00:16:25,899 --> 00:16:28,359 I've got four more pools to clean today besides yours, 332 00:16:28,443 --> 00:16:29,944 and I'm gonna lose sunlight. 333 00:16:30,904 --> 00:16:34,366 You know, Ralph, I was thinking that 334 00:16:34,908 --> 00:16:37,326 in many ways, my profession is a lot like yours. 335 00:16:37,410 --> 00:16:40,246 I start out skimming the surface of the human psyche. 336 00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:44,417 And I plunge ever deeper into the murky undercurrents, 337 00:16:44,501 --> 00:16:46,169 adding chemicals when necessary. 338 00:16:51,091 --> 00:16:52,926 There's a lot of leaves this year. 339 00:16:56,513 --> 00:16:59,557 I'm glad you called. I was starting to get self-conscious. 340 00:16:59,641 --> 00:17:03,185 It seems like I'm always the one calling or stopping by 341 00:17:03,269 --> 00:17:05,980 or suggesting dinner or movies or shopping for hats. 342 00:17:06,064 --> 00:17:09,067 Oh, hey, I got you a beaut. 343 00:17:10,860 --> 00:17:13,571 Oh, Bob, you really shouldn't have. 344 00:17:13,655 --> 00:17:15,657 I knew you'd like it, neighbor. 345 00:17:16,241 --> 00:17:18,576 [CHUCKLES] Yes, about that, Bob. 346 00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:20,077 Have you actually signed a lease yet? 347 00:17:20,161 --> 00:17:21,370 No. Why? 348 00:17:21,454 --> 00:17:24,665 Well, we need to talk. 349 00:17:24,749 --> 00:17:28,127 Whoa, if you were a woman, I'd swear you were dumping me. 350 00:17:28,211 --> 00:17:29,713 [GIGGLES] 351 00:17:31,047 --> 00:17:32,340 The blue one's nice. 352 00:17:32,424 --> 00:17:35,968 I'm just concerned that the blue might be a bit overbearing on a couch of that size. 353 00:17:36,052 --> 00:17:39,513 Uh, although it might compliment that Kilim rug I was telling you about. 354 00:17:39,597 --> 00:17:40,640 What do you think? 355 00:17:40,724 --> 00:17:42,142 I live in my van. 356 00:17:46,104 --> 00:17:49,774 So you probably go for colors that add the illusion of space. 357 00:17:51,192 --> 00:17:53,402 You know, Dr. Crane, to be perfectly honest, 358 00:17:53,486 --> 00:17:55,655 when you asked if I wanted coffee, 359 00:17:55,739 --> 00:17:57,639 I thought you were gonna bring me one. 360 00:18:00,034 --> 00:18:01,243 Duly noted, Ralph. 361 00:18:01,327 --> 00:18:04,581 Next week you can go back to drinking from the hose. 362 00:18:07,834 --> 00:18:11,754 You see, I just don't think there's a basis between us 363 00:18:11,838 --> 00:18:14,964 for a sound friendship. It's… 364 00:18:15,048 --> 00:18:17,342 Neither of us should feel bad about it. 365 00:18:17,426 --> 00:18:19,219 That's easy for you to say. 366 00:18:19,303 --> 00:18:20,845 You're not the one being rejected. 367 00:18:20,929 --> 00:18:23,056 Oh, no, no, I'm not rejecting you. It's… 368 00:18:23,140 --> 00:18:26,059 Truth is you're pleasant, you're charming… 369 00:18:26,143 --> 00:18:27,519 Frasier, I'm an adult here. 370 00:18:28,145 --> 00:18:31,147 At least respect me enough to tell me what it is you don't like about me. 371 00:18:31,231 --> 00:18:32,232 [SIGHS] 372 00:18:32,316 --> 00:18:35,318 Well, all right. We have absolutely nothing in common. 373 00:18:35,402 --> 00:18:39,656 You talk on endlessly about subjects that I have no interest in. 374 00:18:39,740 --> 00:18:43,702 You call me all the time, and, frankly, you're suffocating me. 375 00:18:44,244 --> 00:18:49,041 Wow. I don't know what to say. I… 376 00:18:49,958 --> 00:18:51,708 I wish you'd said something sooner. 377 00:18:52,169 --> 00:18:54,797 I wanted to. It's… frankly, I was afraid that 378 00:18:55,923 --> 00:18:58,634 you'd think it was because of the, you know… 379 00:18:59,343 --> 00:19:00,177 The what? 380 00:19:01,011 --> 00:19:02,471 The wheelchair. 381 00:19:03,555 --> 00:19:04,723 Why would I think that? 382 00:19:04,807 --> 00:19:06,641 Well, I don't know. 383 00:19:06,725 --> 00:19:08,275 I just wanted you to know that. 384 00:19:08,977 --> 00:19:11,187 I wish it did have to do with the chair. 385 00:19:11,271 --> 00:19:12,397 I beg your pardon? 386 00:19:12,481 --> 00:19:16,818 Well, if the chair were your problem, that would make you a jerk. 387 00:19:16,902 --> 00:19:20,488 -This way, I'm the jerk. -Well, I wouldn't say that. 388 00:19:20,572 --> 00:19:21,531 Well, you just did. 389 00:19:21,615 --> 00:19:23,565 You just said I'm boring and obnoxious. 390 00:19:24,284 --> 00:19:26,036 Who knows people better than you? 391 00:19:28,038 --> 00:19:30,165 You can… You can keep the hat. 392 00:19:32,459 --> 00:19:34,253 Bob, wait. 393 00:19:35,170 --> 00:19:36,213 Uh… 394 00:19:37,130 --> 00:19:40,300 Please, look, I've gotta level with you. 395 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,763 The truth is I find nothing wrong with you. 396 00:19:47,099 --> 00:19:49,268 I was just a bit ashamed to admit it, but… 397 00:19:51,395 --> 00:19:52,271 It is the chair. 398 00:19:53,814 --> 00:19:54,648 What? 399 00:19:55,566 --> 00:20:00,320 I think, frankly, that you are wonderful company, wildly stimulating. 400 00:20:00,404 --> 00:20:02,155 Your hobbies are so fascinating. 401 00:20:02,948 --> 00:20:05,117 And you have a sense of style that really… 402 00:20:05,868 --> 00:20:07,578 It doesn't compare to anyone's. 403 00:20:08,954 --> 00:20:11,206 It's just… me. 404 00:20:11,290 --> 00:20:13,292 I feel petty and small about it, but… 405 00:20:14,543 --> 00:20:16,336 I can't get past the chair. 406 00:20:16,420 --> 00:20:17,421 I'm sorry. Please. 407 00:20:18,630 --> 00:20:20,465 I'm sorry. This is goodbye. 408 00:20:20,549 --> 00:20:22,592 I don't believe this. 409 00:20:22,676 --> 00:20:24,803 You don't wanna be my friend because I'm in a wheelchair? 410 00:20:24,887 --> 00:20:25,804 What? 411 00:20:27,180 --> 00:20:28,932 That's the worst thing I've ever heard. 412 00:20:29,016 --> 00:20:31,142 Well, look, you don't understand. 413 00:20:31,226 --> 00:20:35,146 What's not to understand? You just said flat out my chair repulses you. 414 00:20:35,230 --> 00:20:37,398 What kind of a person does that? 415 00:20:37,482 --> 00:20:39,025 I've got a birthmark on my back. 416 00:20:39,109 --> 00:20:41,209 -I guess we can't be friends either. -Oh. 417 00:20:41,904 --> 00:20:42,987 People, please. 418 00:20:43,071 --> 00:20:45,240 You know, frankly, this doesn't concern any of you. 419 00:20:45,324 --> 00:20:47,826 When I think about all the gifts I gave you. 420 00:20:47,910 --> 00:20:51,162 All the barbecue sauce, hot and spicy, Tex-Mex, 421 00:20:51,246 --> 00:20:54,332 mesquite, teriyaki, honey mustard… 422 00:20:54,416 --> 00:20:57,628 Oh, for God's sake, Bob, put a sock in it. 423 00:20:58,754 --> 00:21:01,756 We were just on our way to dinner. Would you like to join us? 424 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:02,925 I'd love to. 425 00:21:05,302 --> 00:21:09,181 -So you guys like barbecue? -Yeah, who doesn't? 426 00:21:39,836 --> 00:21:42,130 Are these wing tips too busy with these pants? 427 00:21:43,966 --> 00:21:46,175 Well, yes, they're a bit frenzied. 428 00:21:46,259 --> 00:21:48,428 A woven lace would tone down the glitz. 429 00:21:48,512 --> 00:21:50,221 I might have to go overseas for that. 430 00:21:50,305 --> 00:21:51,890 No, no, not all. You can get them downtown. 431 00:21:51,974 --> 00:21:53,474 -Who shops downtown anymore? -I do. 432 00:21:53,558 --> 00:21:54,977 You and who else? 433 00:21:58,271 --> 00:22:00,273 [THEME SONG PLAYING] 434 00:22:01,108 --> 00:22:03,816 ♪ Hey, baby, I hear the blues a-callin' ♪ 435 00:22:03,900 --> 00:22:06,237 ♪ Tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 436 00:22:06,321 --> 00:22:07,989 Mercy. 437 00:22:08,073 --> 00:22:10,700 ♪ And maybe I seem a bit confused ♪ 438 00:22:10,784 --> 00:22:13,369 ♪ Yeah, maybe, but I got you pegged ♪ 439 00:22:13,453 --> 00:22:15,204 Ha, ha, ha, ha! 440 00:22:15,288 --> 00:22:16,706 ♪ But I don't know what to do ♪ 441 00:22:16,790 --> 00:22:20,377 ♪ With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs ♪ 442 00:22:22,170 --> 00:22:23,547 ♪ They're callin' again ♪ 443 00:22:25,090 --> 00:22:27,502 Scrambled eggs all over my face. 444 00:22:27,586 --> 00:22:29,261 What is a boy to do? 445 00:22:31,763 --> 00:22:34,766 Frasier has left the building.